GRRR! Anna Nicole Smith's Sideshow

You know what really Grrrs me about the whole Anna Nicole Smith death, child custody battle and funeral coverage?

How about the number of TV anchors who vocalize their displeasure with covering the story, and then go on to cover it anyway? Over the weekend, I heard one anchor say something like “everyone knows I don’t care for the coverage, but tell me about the funeral.”


Dude, just read the teleprompter.

Anyway, Smith got what she deserved on Friday — a tacky, sideshow-style funeral that, like her life, was full of hangers-on, enablers and out-of-the-woodwork relatives wanting handouts.

Is it me, or does the sudden stardom of Virgie Arthur, Anna Nicole's estranged mother, seem eerily reminiscent of the character who played Hilary Swank's mother in "Million Dollar Baby"?

Remember the ambulance-chasing lawyer brought to Swank's paralyzed character's bedside, so that she could sign away her estate to these non-believing, bloodsucking relatives?

Life imitates art, all right.

Here’s hoping baby Dannielynn will have a loving upbringing by someone who keeps her head on straight.

If history tells us anything, it’s that Grandma Virgie Arthur isn’t the one: Anna Nicole didn't turn out all that great.

She epitomized the me-me-me generation we live in today, where young authors plagiarize material and then blame the media after they’re caught; where pop stars party themselves into oblivion and then blame the media for snapping pictures; and where politicians lose elections, only to blame a “lack of coverage” from, you guessed it — the media.

The point is, it’s never their fault.

Nobody takes responsibility for his or her own actions anymore. It's either "the media made me do it," "the alcohol made me do it," "the prescription drugs made me do it" or something else.

But instead of recommending better parenting so that adults begin acting like adults sooner rather than later (heaven forbid Daddy gets off the Xbox or PS3 to do some actual parenting), we propose legislation, because if we can't teach our own right from wrong, the government must be able to, right?

Like the recent call for a law against, say, bullies! A law against schoolyard bullies!

Do you think the number of bullies has increased since you went to school? No. The problem is we’re coddling children to the point of making coddling required by law.

How about teaching your kids to stand up for themselves? How about sending them to martial arts classes so that when a bully pushes them to the point of self-defense, they're better prepared? How about just teaching your kid to avoid bullies?

After all, most of the bullies I knew are still living at home with Mommy and Daddy, usually working for Daddy's local business while the rest of us are off being self-made and productive in society.

Bullies don't need jail, they need a good butt-kicking.

A law against bullies! Please! How about a visit to the Ultimate Fighting Championship's training facility in Las Vegas for a week. We'll see how tough they are after dealing with some genuine tough guys.

But we could never have that, could we?

No, the same people who are calling for a law against bullies would then rally around those bullies to protest the cruel and unusual punishment involved in making them train with the UFC.

But we won’t see any calls for anti-divorcing laws, which might actually be useful to society. We don't want little Johnny or Sally to be scarred for life due to being picked on at school. But the scars left after Mommy and Daddy split up? No laws there.

How about a marriage default tax for both spouses if their marriage fails? Will that keep couples, and therefore, more families — together?

Probably. The threat of losing even more money to Uncle Sam might actually force couples to be less fickle and realize the magnitude of their lifelong commitment together.

How many fewer rotten kids do you think we’d have if more couples stuck it out through the bad times, instead of running away from commitment because of selfish reasons, like having their “freedom"?

While we continue to debate the pros and cons of a liberated Iraq, let's not forget that we're fighting a different kind of battle here at home, and that is the decay of our moral fiber.

The results of our actions, or lack thereof, run deeper than tattoos, spiky hair and ripped jeans.

Those kids you choose to ignore grow up to have kids of their own.

Paris Hilton Ignored?

My favorite story of the year so far is this: The entertainment editor for the Associated Press sent a memo to the staff stating no stories about Paris Hilton on the wire this week. Wow. Hats off to the AP.

See the segment on "News Watch"

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