Good sex is about having an orgasm. Great sex is about anticipating an orgasm. That means thinking about the finish line as the icing, not the cake -- because why would you want to miss out on any of the yummy goodness?
The body is a vast terrain, and much of it is too often ignored. When was the last time you grazed your partner's shins with your lips or massaged her head, pulling at her hair? When was the last time you ran your nails up and down his arms, tickling as you go? When was the last time you explored your partner's hands with your mouth, sucking and licking and, well, you get the idea.
The point is that even if foreplay is a focus of your bedroom play (as it should be), the goodies aren't going anywhere. So why not take your time getting to them?
I suppose people don't bother with the rest of the body because they forget how many other parts of our body are insanely sensitive. The back of your knees. The arch of your foot. The small of your back. The inside of your elbow. The back of your neck. Even your scalp. In fact, with enough focused attention, almost any body part can bring pleasure.
There is no better way to get your head in the game than by treating a “non-sexual” body part in a sexual way. It will be impossible for your partner not to imagine you doing those same things to your naughty bits.
You just might be surprised at how sexy it is when someone runs his or her tongue along the length of your spine so slowly you can hardly stand it. The key is surprise. And of course, anticipation.
Like Christmas Eve, the night before you’re leaving for vacation or when you’re watching out the window for someone you've been longing for. The more excruciating the wait, the better the finale. Think of it like really enjoying an ice cream, savoring every lick. A rushed cone never satisfies.
So, how do you go about slowing down and wandering outside of the proverbial lines? Well, here are a few ideas to get you started.
1. Make the obvious body parts off-limits. If you can't touch the easy-to-spot goodies, you’re more likely to discover the not-so-traditional ones. If it's part of the body, there's probably a way to ignite it or excite it.
2. Take the egg timer out of the kitchen and put it in the bedroom. Pick a part and flip the timer. Focus on that body part until the time runs out. Then move to the next part no matter how much your partner begs you to stay a little longer.
3. Put off the grand finale ... for days. Sex doesn't have to end in orgasm. And orgasm is not the only way to experience pleasure. So forget the end game. In fact, put it completely out of play. You may be surprised at how much you slow down and focus on other body parts when the only goal is to enjoy. And, man, will it be good when you do finally decide to go for it.
Mix things up. Be creative. Think of your lover's skin as a vast pleasure expanse, yours to stimulate, tease, and set aflame. Just imagine. If every inch of you is on fire, once you do strike the match, the explosion will be awe-inspiring.
There's a reason we don't always order the same thing from the menu. No one's stopping you, but would it continue to satisfy? There's a reason we don't gobble a gourmet meal. If you did, could you really experience all the subtleties of flavor and texture? And there's a reason we save dessert for last. Sure, you could have it first. But I can tell you now, there's no way it would taste as sweet.
Anticipation is delicious.
Jenny Block is a freelance writer based in Dallas, Texas. She is the author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage." Her work appears in "One Big Happy Family" edited by Rebecca Walker and "It’s a Girl: Women Writers on Raising Daughters" edited by Andrea Buchanan. Visit her Web site at www.jennyonthepage.com.