Fight, Flight or Fornicate?

You've probably heard about the Airbus 380, the largest jumbo jet ever. It's the first plane to have double bed suites, complete with a spacious bed and free champagne.

There's one hitch: You can't have sex.

The first couple to use the bed, Tony and Julie, were Australian — which is interesting, because I didn't know they were allowed on planes. But when told they couldn't have sex, they got upset. Tony is 76 and his wife's a little younger — making this story only slightly less disgusting than necrophilia.

But this leads me to my bigger point: Does anyone need sex so bad that they can't wait until they land before taking the Vein Train to Tuna-Town?

Look, having sex on a plane is not an achievement. However: Being polite, sharing the armrest and not boring me with a conversation about your carbuncle — is. If we made decent behavior a priority instead of sex, then air travel would be far more pleasant

The next time you're pondering plane sex, here's some advice: crosswords. Word search. Pharmaceuticals — either prescription or homemade. Counting the number of seats on the plane.

You know what works for me? Wondering if you were stuck on a desert island with the Golden Girls, who you'd eat first. I'd go with Dorothy — she's meaty.

And that's my gut feeling!

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: