Don't Hold Your Breath for 'ACORN the Movie'

So ACORN, everyone's favorite nuthouse, finally closed its doors. I quietly mourned — the same way I did when "Just Nuts" at the local mall shut down; it had 60 kinds of nuts, including the Ogbono, which isn't really a nut, but a drupe.

(Fun fact: Macadamia is neither a nut or a drupe, but a follicle. Maybe that wasn't a fun fact after all; kind of the opposite of a fun fact, if you ask me. But you didn't.)

Anyway, with ACORN gone, it leads me to two thoughts. One: If ACORN were a right-wing entity and the pranksters were lefties, this would quickly become a mega-million dollar movie, directed by Steven Soderbergh with George Clooney as the bad guy.

In fact, they should do that, anyway. Turn ACORN into a drug company with James O'Keefe and Hannah Giles as whistleblowers who discover that the lifesaving cancer drug was made from fetuses! No wait — that won't matter. It's made from puppies! Matt Damon could play O'Keefe or maybe even Giles. He has nice legs.

But you get my point. Look, we've had two funny movies by Sacha Baron Cohen, a performer whose racist or obnoxious characters create discomfort among clueless Yanks (who, for the most part, react politely). But none of his pranks ever exposed real corruption. I've said it before: Cohen would have scored more points if he hit a London mosque, instead of a Southern rodeo. But he's the star.

Anyway, I look forward to the newest incarnation of ACORN. This stuff just doesn't go away, you know, it only finds another shell.

(What, you thought I wouldn't end with a nut metaphor?)

And if you disagree with me, you're a homophobe racist who bullies overweight flight attendants.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: