All right, every year that I do this I'm criticized for being sexist. Fair enough. In this case, I am. But when it comes to offering men advice for holiday shopping, I'm well within my sexist bounds. Because when it comes to retail, we are the weaker species. Women rule this world.
So, here now, guys, are my suggestions for evening the odds. Yes, that's right. It's time for the official Annual Cavuto Christmas Tips for Guys!
No. 1: Don't comparison shop. I've said it before, I'll say it again: Who cares if you can find the same exact item at the other end of the mall for half the price! It's at the other end of the mall! Suck it up! Cough it up! Even if it is marked up!
No. 2: Don't shop where women congregate. Usually those are sales bins. Women know this area well. Men, avoid it and almost certain death. Pay full price somewhere else. Women avoid full price.
No. 3: Don't look like you're clueless. You might very well be, but store clerks see the fear in your eyes and decide to pounce. They will follow you and annoy you and make suggestions to you. And, when you're not looking, I'm afraid to say, they will kill you. Tell them to go away and at least act like you know exactly what you're doing.
No. 4: Don't pass up perfume. It's like a one-stop, one-shop bonanza. For some reason I cannot fathom, perfume is the only gift I know that comes with still other gifts: carrying cases, powder, tote bags. It's like getting three gifts for every one gift you buy!
No. 5: Don't sniff at gifts that say, "As seen on TV." I figure, if they've been seen on TV, that's a plus. Sure, they don't "look" fancy, but I bet they're practical. And who says that special loved one in your life isn't practical? Especially if you've already covered the non-practical side with the fancy-schmancy perfume and the carrying case?
There you have it. I wish I could help all you guys out there this holiday season, but I can't. And should any of this scare you or intimidate you, may I remind you of one word for shopping in a pinch: Internet.
Now, happy shopping!
Watch Neil Cavuto weekdays at 4 p.m. ET on "Your World with Cavuto" and send your comments to firstname.lastname@example.org