Can We Make Terrorists Less Angry?

Let me tell you about Friday's so-called terrorist bombing attempts in London:

There is no proof that this was terrorism. With Blair gone, there is no more terrorism in the U.K. These cars obviously belonged to nail salesmen, who kept samples in them. They were on their way to a barbecue, which explains the propane. And they needed the extra gas, too, because — hello! — those Mercedes guzzle it (instead of a Prius — the more thoughtful choice).

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So in effect, these were right-wing, global warming-enabling carpenters on their way to char little animals for their own gratification.

But even if it was terrorism, so what?

Thankfully, the bombers chose England — so anyone hurt would get free health care. If a bomb would have gone off in New York City, imagine all the injured performance artists and stand up comics who'd end up rejected from the E.R.

It's also great they chose a Mercedes instead of the subway. Bombing public transport would have sent the wrong environmental message. Targeting a symbol of greed sends a chilling message to physicians everywhere.

Plus, the car parked outside the bar called "Tiger Tiger," highlights the near extinction of that species.

The fact that the bombs didn't go off also shows the inequality in standards of science education for ethnic minorities.

Clearly the people responsible are angry at us and I propose the formation of a steering committee to consider what we as individuals can do to make these people less angry.

It will take place in my bedroom.

And that's my gut feeling.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: