Last night, while lounging in my basement grotto — otherwise known as an oil drum filled with baby oil — I came across a new study that says "Boys like blue and girls like pink."
Apparently this is one of the first studies to show sex-based differences between girls and boys, something I've always suspected ever since I went to first grade dressed in a satin shorty robe.
• Vive la difference! Watch Greg's Greg-alogue
What groundbreaking stuff! What's next, guys? Ten million dollars spent to confirm that Hollywood stars love Democrats and cocaine?
So why is this research done?
Well, in part because feminist scholars have gone to great lengths to dismiss any differences between genders — they prefer to call it a social construct, created by evil patriarchy.
I know this because I went to Berkeley where I didn't just burn my bra, I burned my gym socks, three pairs of dolphin shorts, a tube top made out of coconuts and a jaunty fisherman's cap. I stopped at the chaps.
I learned that feminists there believe if a baby girl had a choice, she'd pick blue. She'd also become an oil driller, one who wears flannel and digs K.D. Lang.
But that's BS. Nearly all girls wear pigtails and boys want to eat earth worms. Unless of course, you're Bill Schulz, then you do both.
The fact is: boys and girls like different things and thank God. I could never be with a woman who likes the same things I do — all we'd do is fight over Vietnamese prostitutes.
And that's my gut feeling.