Bill vs. Howard Stern, Part II
This is a partial transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," December 8, 2005, that has been edited for clarity.
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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Personal Story" segment tonight — and this might not be for children — part two of our interview with Howard Stern. As we told you last night he's now the highest paid entertainer in American history and his success is based upon a very simple concept, saying whatever pops into his mind, no matter how offensive it is. No, I have not copied that concept. Roll the tape.
O'REILLY: Who's your primary audience? All entertainers on all these programs have a primary audience. Who is your primary audience?
STERN: You know as well as I do, my primary audience are strippers, hookers, and crack whores. And I love them all. My primary audience is anyone who likes to laugh. I don't look at my audience as a demographic. I look at it as a psychographic.
O'REILLY: Do you think it's more men than women?
STERN: Yes. There are more men than women.
O'REILLY: Why is that?
STERN: I have always envisioned the guy I'm doing the show for is driving to work. He's a buddy of mine. We're in the locker room, and man, we're talking reality. We're not talking politely. We're being honest, we're being real.
The secret to my show isn't dirty words. The secret to my show isn't potty humor. The secret to my show is honesty, reality — that I will say the truth.
I was interviewed by "60 Minutes." They asked me, "How did you wish death on a guy?"
I said, "Do you mean to tell me that you never wished that somebody was dead? When you saw those planes go into the Twin Towers, did you wish that Usama bin Laden was caught and killed?"
Well, I feel the same way sometimes when my back is up against the wall. I want Usama bin Laden dead. Our whole country does. And I've wished death on people on my show. People go, "That's outrageous!"
I go, "No, I'm just willing to admit it."
O'REILLY: All right. So your audience is blue-collar guys, working guys, regular guys?
STERN: No. It's not just blue-collar guys. People like to think it's like a bunch of beer-guzzling guys. There's a thing called "The Scarborough Report" and maybe you're aware of it, because you're doing radio now. They analyze not who's listening by age...
O'REILLY: Yes, demographics and everything.
STERN: They find out income, college education, and I have probably the most educated audience and highest grossing income audience. Dare I say more than you, Rush Limbaugh, anybody else. It is a phenomenal audience, a brilliant audience.
It's not, you're going to judge my audience by the guys who call in? No. That's not right. That's about a half of one percent.
O'REILLY: Is it still going to be lesbians on parade and strippers and all that?
STERN: Bill, there will always be lesbians on this show. I make this vow to you. As long as I'm breathing, there will be lesbians. I will give the people lesbians, because there is nothing sexier in this world, besides you, there is nothing sexier than two women getting it on.
And man, I'm going to do it. In fact, I'm going to take a lesbian dating game, and I'm going to blow it up into an hour show on my channel. You'll see the date.
O'REILLY: Will it cost extra? Is that under the $12?
STERN: That's all under the $12.
STERN: Not as good as the Bill O'Reilly mug. How much is that?
O'REILLY: You want to get into that now?
STERN: Let's talk about that chazarai [Yiddish word for "junk"] now you're selling. It looks like you emptied out a junkyard and slapped your name on everything.
O'REILLY: OK, here's where we go.
STERN: And you've got a briefcase, the Bill O'Reilly briefcase. I wouldn't be caught dead with that. No offense.
O'REILLY: No, of course not.
STERN: Who's walking around with a Bill O'Reilly briefcase? I never would.
O'REILLY: No, of course there's no offense. You wouldn't offend me at all, would you? You would never do that.
STERN: Yes, I would. Sure, I would.
O'REILLY: I'm stunned. You didn't wish me to get cancelled, did you? On your show?
STERN: Not yet.
O'REILLY: OK. Now listen, you go on your show, and you say, O'Reilly's selling all these, what tchotchkes? Is that what you said?
STERN: Tchotchkes. Garbage.
O'REILLY: Garbage. OK.
STERN: Welcome mats. Bill O'Reilly welcome mat.
O'REILLY: All right. All right, whatever. Now you know that all the proceeds go to charity.
STERN: I don't believe that.
O'REILLY: You don't believe it?
STERN: What charity?
O'REILLY: OK. Habitat for Humanity, I just wrote them a big check.
STERN: What is Habitat for Humanity?
O'REILLY: That's when people, like you, if you cared about other people...
STERN: Me? Yes.
O'REILLY: ... would then build a house for poor people. Novel concept. In fact, you know what you could do?
STERN: And 100 percent of the profits?
O'REILLY: Yes. Everything I get. You know what you can do, though?
STERN: Doesn't this appeal to your ego? You make a lot of money. Can't you donate money to charity?
O'REILLY: I do that anyway. This is extra.
STERN: Why does this news...
O'REILLY: Are you filibustering now? Because I have a good idea for you...
STERN: Come outside with me right now. Let's...
O'REILLY: You can join Habitat for Humanity and build houses, Howard Stern, for poor lesbians. I mean, this would be perfect.
STERN: Now you're thinking.
O'REILLY: This would be perfect.
STERN: Now you're thinking like a degenerate.
O'REILLY: All the money that I derive from BillOReilly.com from "Factor" gear goes to charity, to help kids and poor people. And you are mocking it.
STERN: I'll tell you why I mock it. I mock it because you have such an ego.
O'REILLY: You're telling me?
STERN: Yes. At least there's some thing I don't slap my name on.
O'REILLY: What? What?
STERN: You have your name on jackets, mugs, pens, papers.
O'REILLY: It's all for charity.
STERN: Listen, you're a wealthy guy. Give money of your own to Habitat.
O'REILLY: I do that.
STERN: Let FOX News donate money to Habitat. You should take those welcome — when I'm walking around with a billboard of the Bill O'Reilly Show.
O'REILLY: Do you want a "Factor" jacket, by the way?
STERN: Yes, give it to me for free.
O'REILLY: All right. Give me the "Factor" jacket. I'm only going to give you this "No Spin" jacket if you wear it. Are you going to wear it? Look, this is a beautiful, beautiful jacket.
STERN: It's not. Let me tell you why it's not. Can I be a fashion designer for a second?
O'REILLY: Look at the way you're dressed.
STERN: You see this? This grabs you around the middle. A guy's got a gut, this is going to squeeze his fat.
O'REILLY: This is a terrific garment. Now are you going to wear it? I'll give it to you.
STERN: The "No Spin" jacket?
O'REILLY: Yes. With the flag, the American flag. You are American.
STERN: I won't wear it, but I will give it to a crack whore.
O'REILLY: No. You're giving it back. I'm not having this on some lesbian somewhere. I'm not going to have it.
STERN: But I'm proud of you. You're doing well.
O'REILLY: Thank you. I know you're only kidding around.
STERN: No, I'm not! I mean, you...
O'REILLY: This stuff does good for a lot of people. Let's talk about you.
STERN: You like your name on that stuff. It's ego.
O'REILLY: No, it's no spin. It's no spin.
STERN: All right. Go ahead.
O'REILLY: We were both raised in working-class families on Long Island, OK? Stern and O'Reilly. We both wind up at Boston University at the same time.
STERN: That's right.
O'REILLY: We're Terriers together, OK? We both reached the top of our professions. Ten million-to-one shot for me...
STERN: Eight hundred billion-to-one shot for me.
O'REILLY: How did it happen for you?
STERN: Well, I mean, I had a dream — you know, like Martin Luther King. When I was 5 years old, my dream was to be on the radio and to do something so revolutionary — to make radio sound real. Some people say our show was the first reality show. And I believe that.
I went on the air with a concept that I had when I was 5 years old. I was fascinated by the medium, but at the time, no one looked at me, especially my own father — and he'd say, "How could you be on the radio? I know announcers."
My father was a recording engineer and a radio engineer, and he said, "I know announcers. You don't speak well. You don't have a nice voice." He couldn't grasp the concept that maybe I could be a success at this.
And so my whole life has been devoted to proving him wrong, and showing him that I could be on the radio, and that I could make radio one of the most important mediums.
O'REILLY: Does that still drive you today?
STERN: Absolutely. I think so.
O'REILLY: Now, tomorrow we'll talk about Stern's very unusual private life. It is somewhat difficult.
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