Updated

I've told you before that I lead with my mistakes, so let me start there. A lot of media have called for a comment on this so we know it must be important.

During a segment about myself being named one of the "blackest white folks we know" by the website theroot.com, I made a few comments about some others on the list. Now, I know absolutely nothing about sports, so I didn't realize that one of them was NFL star Brian Urlacher.

Since then, I have been informed by my staff that Brian — uh, Mr. Urlacher — could kill me with his thumb in nine seconds if he wanted to. Although if we are talking about people in Chicago wanting to beat me up, he's going to have to stand in a very long line.

Anyway, I apologize to anyone who was offended. I just made a neo-Nazi joke based on the short hair and white skin; I don't actually think he has fascist plans to take over the Earth.

In the same segment I called James Carville an alien. Again I apologize. I am not a "Carville Earther" and think he was actually born on Earth and has absolutely no tentacles or ability to fire lasers from his eyes.

I also apologize for leading viewers to believe that Mel Gibson may be setting rules for companies on anger management and racial tolerance. That too was a joke. He actually would be quite a poor candidate for such a position.

And finally, I made another joke about our government being 15-digits in debt and still creating an office of financial literacy. Oh wait, that one is completely true.

In fact all 17 minutes on financial reform were true, but the media only called whining about what joke-y name I might have called a star athlete who likely could care less what I say because he can take care of himself.

And they say the media doesn't focus on the right things?

— Watch "Glenn Beck" weekdays at 5 p.m. ET on Fox News Channel