It's the biggest news of the year — as big as Cynthia Nixon's girlfriend.
Florida wildlife officials have finally removed the bald eagle from the state's endangered species list. This just after the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service removed the bird from its own list last summer.
The reason? There are more of them.
In 1973, there were just 88 active bald eagle nests in Florida. Now there are over 1,100 of these little bird condos. And that makes me very happy.
Why? Because I have eaten puffin. I have eaten frogs. I have even eaten the beef and cheddar sandwich at Arby's — and I didn't vomit.
But I've never had a bald eagle. And the reason: It's illegal to eat something when there are so few of them.
I don't get this free pass. Is it because the eagle is bald? Fish are hairless, but people eat them. I've never seen a crab with a beard, although Rob Reiner comes close.
Fact is, there are so many animals we eat because we see them as expendable, while arbitrarily protecting other beasts because we deem them special.
I say enough.
My advice for an ideal Fourth of July meal: Eagle Pops. Dredge the meat in flour. Place in a skillet with hot fat and fry until golden brown. Sprinkle with a little salt and insert a popsicle stick — a similar practice I use with houseboys.
And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.