Are You Islamophobia-phobic?

So last night I coined a new disorder, called Islamophobia-phobia or fear of being labeled Islamophobic.

As you already know, Islamophobia is defined as a fear of Muslims, so Islamophobia-phobia is a real fear of a perceived fear.

Who are the culprits behind the disease? Jackasses in the media. To quote a perceptive tweet by a dude whose handle is Politics of Fear: "How can the media say we're Islamophobic, when we all died from avian/swine flu?"

That's it, nutshell-wise.

The fact is, there is no group more quick to judge, more prone to exaggeration or sensationalism than the media. They are the haymakers of hysteria. The litany of scares propagated by the media is so long, that if I were to list them, you would fall asleep, dropping your bong shaped like the head of Robert Bork.

And, as always: Anything that the press claims will destroy us, won't — ever. So screw them when they accuse us of hysteria. They've done this before with McCarthyism, jingoism and tomboyism (a totally legitimate fear of tomboys).

Here's why they do it: When hacks realize that a story has sped right past them, they must cover their asses. So rather than play catch up, they turn on you. Hence, by missing the mosque story, they make the story about opponents of the mosque.

And so, like ABC, you go undercover to a mosque protest — maybe to scrounge up evidence that Islamo-fear is sweeping the nation. When, really, the only thing sweeping the nation these days are sweepers. Without them, our floors would be covered with dust, crumbs, chunky pieces of fractured bone and clumps of scalp.

But maybe that's just my house.

And if you disagree with me, you're a racist Islamophobic homophobe.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: