If you were to ask the media to rank a list of evil things, Guantanamo detention center would be in the top five — beating out Adolf Hitler, suicide bombers, Dick Cheney, disposable diapers and fat children.

Gitmo is their moral red herring: As long as they keep bringing it up, they can avoid any discussion of real evil in the world.

• A modest proposal: Watch Greg's Greg-alogue

The American left says they hate Gitmo because they think war is bad, but trying to win one is worse. And to win one, you need to keep the bad guys off the playing field.

But the American left also loves Gitmo, because it's their political fig leaf, the thing they hide behind when they've got nothing else.

But I'd be willing to close Gitmo, if you agree on my alternative: Let's call this "Adopt-a-Jihadist."

For the price of one cup of coffee a day — and not fancy blended coffee drinks like frappuccinos, though they are delicious — you can help save a grown man, like Mahmood.

Poor Mahmood. Since he was in his teens, he has been waging jihad against the criminal Zionist enemy. Yet today, he calls a 20 by 35-foot cell home, where he cannot even carry out a simple beheading. He lives on just three square meals a day, but he has so much love to give — and not just to 72 virgins.

Please — please! — Sean Penn, Michael Moore... are you listening? Won't you throw open your mansions to Mahmood and the other members of his terror cell? Their energy is infectious — some might even say it's explosive.

So please, adopt a beautiful, bouncing jihadist like Mahmood today. They're just dying to meet you.

And that's my gut feeling.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: