Tucker: Democrats pin their hopes on gaffe-prone Joe Biden
The Democratic establishment picks its answer to Bernie Sanders.
A historic moment Monday in the world of politics. After much trial and error and a great deal of anxiety and frustrated harrumphing on cable news panels, the Democratic establishment finally has chosen the candidate to stop Bernie Sanders before he can take their money.
SUPER TUESDAY COULD LEAVE RACE EVEN MORE UNSETTLED, AS BIDEN AIMS TO CHECK SANDERS' MOMENTUM
There's much relief in Washington right now. The Sanders threat is imminent and profound, and they've been sweating it. Imagine General "Chinese" Gordon surrounded by screaming Mahdis at the Siege of Khartoum and you will know how they feel – terrified.
It's one thing if your country falls apart – if 10th graders can't read and 9 year olds are taking puberty-blocking drugs and downtown LA looks like Calcutta and another 10,000 more Americans just died of fentanyl overdose. Whatever. Americans are dying – Democrats are fine with that. They can live with it. They do. They don't say a word.
But if there's a rogue candidate out there who might actually be serious about closing the carried interest loophole, and forcing private equity barons to pay the same effective tax rate that you do, well, that cannot stand. It's totally and completely unacceptable. In fact, it's morally wrong. Alert the panel on "Morning Joe" – we are going to war.
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And they have found their warhorse, a hero they imagined will carry them forth to victory against the wild-haired infidel from Vermont. It is this candidate whom you should know is literally now the youngest man in the Democratic race.
Running Joe Biden for president is like making your dog wear a dress. It may make for an amusing Instagram post, but it's wrong.
This is the man they believe has the competence, the intensity, the intellect to repel the seething horde of Sandersites. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Joe Biden.
Joe Biden, 2020 presidential candidate and former vice president: Look, tomorrow is Super Thursday – Tuesday – and I want to thank you all – I'll tell you what, I'm rushing ahead, aren't I?
150 million people have been killed since 2007 when Bernie voted to exempt the gun manufacturers from liability.
It would put 720 million women back in the workforce.
Nobody should be in jail for a nonviolent crime.
My name is Joe Biden. I'm a Democratic candidate for the United States Senate.
What's not to like about Vermont in terms of the beauty of it and what a nice town.
Play the radio, make sure the television – excuse me, make sure you have the record player on at night.
Poor kids are just as bright and just as talented as white kids.
We choose science over fiction. We choose truth over facts.
Think about it, we hold these truths to be self-evident. All men are created by Go – you know the thing.
Yup, that's the man. It's "Super Thursday," and he's running for the United States Senate in memory of the nearly half the country that's murdered by guns and only in the last few years, guided by the belief that other children are as bright and talented as white kids, not to mention clean and articulate, and in the hope that he can put three-quarters of a billion women back to work, whether they want to go or not.
If that's the kind of transformational candidate you're looking for, Joe Biden is your man. Or if you're looking for someone to get you a second serving of Jell-O from the 4:30 early bird buffet, Biden could do that, too.
He is a Renaissance man. As he himself will tell you, the Renaissance was an awful long time ago, back during the Carter administration, actually. And you know what, Jimmy was a good guy, better than they said – and so on.
Honestly, and how do you say this without being rude or mean? This whole thing is sad. Worse than that, it's cruel.
Running Joe Biden for president is like making your dog wear a dress. It may make for an amusing Instagram post, but it's wrong. You can see the confusion in the dog's eyes. You can see the same thing in Joe Biden's eyes if you look closely. "Why am I here? What are we talking about? Maybe if I make a lot of noise about pushups, no one will notice."
So far the only thing we've learned from Biden's candidacy is that there's no one around him who cares enough to make him stop. Instead, there are only enablers.
On Monday, both Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar endorsed Biden, so did former Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Beto O'Rourke. These are party people doing the bidding of their corporate masters. There's nothing warm or sentimental about it. They're pushing a defective product on consumers, and they know it. They're selling lawn darts.
But whatever it takes. The Biden campaign isn't about ideas, much less ideals. The Democratic establishment's only concern is institutional control. That's where all of their power comes from – from holding together and running things.
If the Democratic coalition breaks down, they are, by definition, powerless. They have nothing. And the real threat of Bernie Sanders is the threat he poses to the party. He could split it in half, and break it forever. That cannot happen. Joe Biden is their last chance. That's why they're backing him.
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Probably the only group sincerely cheering Biden are the credit card companies. For decades, Biden was their paid lackey in Washington. They bribed him with cash. They gave jobs to his son. In return, he carried their legislation through Congress dutifully for many, many years.
Meanwhile, untold Americans, "Average Joe's" as Joe himself likes to say, were crushed by credit card debt. The average credit card interest rate in this country is 21 percent – 21 percent interest at a time when the Fed is giving banks billions of dollars nearly for free. That's how low interest rates are for them. But you're paying 21 percent. This is a disaster.
How bad is it? Let's put it in perspective: Ask yourself how many people do you know personally who have been hospitalized for coronavirus, something we're all worried about and justly. Maybe none?
Now ask yourself, how many people you know personally whose lives have been diminished or destroyed by credit card debt. Yes, maybe it's happened to you. It probably has. It's happened to so many people.
Joe Biden is one of the decision-makers who made that possible. It is not an overstatement. But they don't care. Now, they're telling you that for the good of the country, you've got to vote for Joe Biden.
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Keep in mind, they don't even believe it as they say it. They don't even like Biden. But at this point, they'll say anything because they have to.
Adapted from Tucker Carlson's monologue from "Tucker Carlson Tonight" on March 2, 2020.
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