It's been an awfully long week. But thank God, we're ending it with two pieces of good news.
The first is that Great Britain is an independent country again, as it has been for most of the last thousand years. Brexit has gone through. Cheers to our friends in the United Kingdom.
Secondly, in this country, the impeachment farce is almost over.
That's our good news. The president will be acquitted. Now, we knew that from the first day, of course – which is one of the reasons this whole overhyped charade was always such an insulting waste of time. But now it's official. Even Trump-hating Republicans in the Senate are thoroughly sick of this. They want it over.
Yet, once started, nothing in Washington ends easily. The process continues on like a ghost ship. It's the same sickness at work as on Black Friday. Mobs of desperate people are grasping at trinkets to fill a void within. It's sad to watch.
Jerry Springer wasn't in the Senate this week, but Rep. Jerry Nadler, D-N.Y., was. Check out what happened when Chief Justice John Roberts asked prosecutors to answer a final question. Nadler and Rep. Adam Schiff, D-Calif., raced to the podium, all but elbowing each other out of the way to get one last blessed moment on C-SPAN.
"I want to be on TV!" "No, I do!" These people are buffoons. That moment was really the whole impeachment from start to finish. Narcissistic, degrading, pointless. A nation as great as this one deserves more, but that would require impressive leaders.
Maybe next week we'll look back on this whole chapter in shame. But for a few more days at least, the hysteria will continue. In fact, it will likely increase, believe it or not. The media class seemingly just figured out that Trump will not be removed from office before the Super Bowl. You've always known that obviously they had no idea.
They're literally stunned over on MSNBC. A person called Mara Gay declared that if the results of the last election aren't nullified immediately, democracy will be dead forever. Think about that for a minute. She clearly hasn't. It's kind of hilarious, actually.
In fact, she's a member of The New York Times editorial board. Not that that makes her a journalist, but she's still the best they can muster. Ponder that over the weekend. The politics editor of The Root, meanwhile, told viewers that now that Donald Trump is staying in office and, nothing can stop him from becoming an authoritarian dictator. He said Trump is literally going to cancel the election in California, our biggest state. OK, Jason Johnson, let us know when he tries.
People like Johnson are saying things like this because they are so shocked their brains no longer work. They really thought Trump was going to be fired at the end of impeachment. They thought a five-minute phone call about Hunter Biden’s corruption would be enough to undo an election that 136 million people voted in.
The press and the Democratic Party let their fantasies to over strip reality, but they're about to be shocked back to consciousness very soon. The Iowa caucuses are just three days from now. Bernie Sanders is likely to win there. His only real rival is a man who should be having dinner at 4:30 at Golden Corral.
Party leaders don't really want either one of them, Sanders or Joe Biden. Their plan? The plan in Washington is to force voters to back Michael Bloomberg, a Napoleonic billionaire known for screaming at people who drink the wrong soda.
None of it seems very appealing. The Democratic Party is in trouble. It's about to collide with itself. By the way, that didn't need to happen if Democrats had just spent the last three years coming up with, I don't know, a credible plan to lower housing prices or raise middle-class wages or fix the student loan crisis they might be winning the election, but they didn't do that.
Instead, they tried the easy way out. They wasted their energy on wild conspiracies about Russia and Ukraine. And while they were doing that, their unhappiest but most energetic activists forced their candidates to take lunatic positions on abortion, guns, race, gender, climate, you name it, positions that are way out of the mainstream, even among Democrats.
It adds up to a disaster, and they know it's a disaster. That's why they're so upset. The good news is that, as awful and stupid as impeachment was, it hurt the people responsible for it most of all.
Adapted from Tucker Carlson's monologue from "Tucker Carlson Tonight" on Jan. 31, 2020.