Gutfeld on the adults' view of reopening the economy

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This roadmap to economic "return" looks pretty messy. That's normal. You've got 50 states, all different, with different economies, and different distances. Hence the need for a roadmap, not a prison.

The good news? We accomplished what we set out to do -- so far.

We're flattening the curve to spread out the pandemic's brunt so it won't crash our health care system.

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So far, so good.

But now what?

Do we keep economies closed indefinitely? We know we can't. We've already dug a hole so deep it might even reach China.

And we know that, once we reopen, the curve could unflatten. Which is why no one knows the right date to reopen. So stop pretending.

Democrats have the luxury of doing nothing but waiting for something to go wrong. Especially when you have an ocean view and a fridge full of ice cream.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., recently conducted an interview where she showed viewers her freezer full of ice cream. "This is something you can get through the mail. Never run out. Can I show you?" Pelosi asked. "Other people from our family go for some other flavors, but... chocolate, and then we have some other chocolate here."

Marie Antoinette had cake. Nancy brought the ice cream.

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But adults, we get it. Each decision brings risk.

Yet, insulated dopes still smear Americans over their "selfishness" for just needing a paycheck.

Patton Oswalt mocked anxious Americans for starting to crack under the lockdown. He just assumes every person can sit home with Netflix and nannies, indefinitely, just like him, a well-off, finger-sniffing jackass.

His was an attack on class. These dolts, he laughed, would risk their lives for a cheeseburger.

But it’s a good day when a rich leftist reveals his true hatred for the working class.

So as we head into another new week with more ups and downs than a kangaroo on meth, the adult knows that the path we choose must be flexible. One that allows us to pull back and change course based on new info. Maybe we could do a rollout by age or region.

But we need the government to be straight with us on tests. Seriously, what is the deal on tests?!

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We'll get through this. We have so far.

But, sadly for you, retreating to a mansion stocked with sherbet, it just isn't in the cards.

Adapted from Greg Gutfeld's monologue on "The Five" on April 20, 2020.

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