Gutfeld on the media meltdown over the Mueller report

So, for the second time in a month, the media experienced a reverse Christmas. Expecting a pony, and getting punched in the face.

Poor media. They built a whole imaginary industry around “Russian collusion” with the Trump presidential campaign supposedly helping Donald Trump be elected president.

Many in the media were desperately expecting something huge from the report of Special Counsel Robert Mueller that validated their two-year efforts and emotions. Their hearts, careers and pocketbooks rested on Trump being a Russian spy.


For example, CNN media reporter Brian Stelter said: “The U.S. president possibly working for the Russians. Possibly an unwitting pawn. Something the FBI was investigating. Why are these leaks happening and why are they happening now? What does Robert Mueller know?”

Media commentary Thursday criticized Attorney General William Barr for supposedly trying to make Trump look good by the way he described the Mueller report.

MSNBC’s Brian Williams said: “Bill Barr has decided his legacy, he is fine with his legacy being the AG who took one for the team.”

CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin said, describing Barr’s news conference: “It was an extraordinary political commercial for the president.”

MSNBC’s Andrea Mitchell called Barr’s news conference “a real black mark on (Barr's) long and distinguished career.”

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer said Barr “said precisely … what the president of the United States wanted to hear, ‘no collusion.’”

CNN’s Dana Bash said: “Is this something we’re supposed to see from the attorney general of the United States – not the attorney general of the president of the United States?”

A guest on CNN helpfully chimed in: “Of course not!”

The fantasy of Trump as a Russian agent was just that – a fantasy. Now all they've got left is more empty accusations. The worst part: the media would have preferred that the president had been a Russian stooge. Even if it destroyed a country. Hence their reaction.

When your reality is a failure, the fairy tale becomes reality. So it's analogy time. Remember in high school, you had a friend who got dumped, and it was the worst thing ever? He sulked and wouldn't change his socks for the rest of the school year. He couldn't let go.

But you – a friend – knew you had to get him to move on. So you told him: move on. Live your own life.

So, media, I'm your pal. Time to move on. Yeah – you got dumped. And it hurts. But clinging like this makes you look weak and stupid. It prevents growth, new relationships, new obsessions, new loves.


And there are other stories out there. What’s great about Trump is that a news story is like a bus. Miss one? There will be another in 10 minutes.

So cheer up, press. Go to the gym. Ditch the donuts. Make yourself presentable. Because right now, no one wants to be with you. Not like this. You're pitiful. There are so many fish in this sea. Why not catch a real one this time?

Adapted from Greg Gutfeld’s monologue on “The Five” on April 18, 2019.