GREG GUTFELD: This used to be called indecent exposure

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Greg Gutfeld: This is an example of textbook indoctrination

Fox News host Greg Gutfeld highlights Pride parades nationwide where participants were walking naked through the streets while children were present on 'Gutfeld!' 

So how about those pride parades last weekend? Yeah, I saw more than a few nude dudes strip it down. I have no idea why they would. Their weenies were so small. They could have been on toothpicks. These pictures. That's at the base of the Space Needle. An apt location, if you ask me. By the way, it's the only clean needle in Seattle. 

Yeah, but is that actually Seattle or Wisconsin? I haven't seen that much cottage cheese since I used to wrestle in it. Not to kink shame or anything but those unsightly old men with butts like pudding were stark naked in front of kids at this pride event. I know. Disgusting. And they didn't even have a cover charge. But at a minimum, these kids will never enjoy tapioca again. 

Apparently, it began as a bike ride, which was followed by naked bathing. At this point, we can only pray those bikes weren't rentals. Raises an important question. Doesn't that, chafe? After a ride, their asses must look like uncooked pork shoulder. Oh, now, that's a stock photo. 

But there's a serious question here. Why are there children at a pride event? And what kind of parents are cool with this? Parents are supposed to protect kids from weirdos, not meet them halfway. These are the kind of parents who say, Oh, look, a stranger with candy. And he owns a windowless white van. Sounds like the perfect babysitter.

It was just as bad in Minneapolis, where one gentleman at least kept his tighty-whiteys on as he twerked for the crowd. Another question here, if this is in the name of pride, what exactly is this guy proud of, that he has the body of a dented juice box? 

Even in Canada, they had their own pride parade with marchers waving around, normalize nudity signs. But here's a tip. You want to normalize nudity in front of strangers? At least be somewhat attractive. Ugly people demanding public nudity is like Jimmy Failla demanding a fashion show. And that looks like it hit a Brokeback Mountain yard sale. 

But guess who sponsored this event? That's right. Everybody's former favorite beer. Man, they are never going to win back Kid Rock. They keep this up, and a case of Bud Light will come with free anal beads and Don Lemon's home phone number. 

But there's been blowback. And who are the Libs blaming? They're not mad at the guys running around naked in front of kids. They're mad at us for noticing the guys running around naked in front of kids. George Takei, a.k.a. Sulu and nothing else, said, even if there were no naked guys on bikes this year, the right would find pictures or generate them and push the same agenda anyway. So you got that. If those guys weren't naked in front of kids, you just make up the story that they were anyway. 

So who cares if it's actually real? Well, that's quite a defense officer. We're going to preempt your false accusation by actually committing the crime you accuse us of.

 Sorry, Sulu. We're not the side that has to make up hoaxes all the time. That's your side. But that's George Takei, he's boldly gone where no man has gone before. Just like those bike seats. 

Now, whenever there's a story about public nudity, you could admit your first thought is, where are the pictures? But then there's this reality. They are never anybody you would want to see naked because hot people know you got to pay for that. That's why you never see strippers do any charity work. And I've asked. Sadly, it's only the homely people who let it all hang out. And sorry. If I wanted to see that, I would have become a doctor. Or go to our annual Fox picnic. 

But this is really only indulging an exhibitionist fetish. You must indulge my kink, whether I'm in a park or in a locker room. We used to have a name for this. It was called indecent exposure. Now it's just another lifestyle choice. 

Just last week, the media mocked Riley Gaines for speaking out against sharing a locker room with a naked dude. And now it seems everyone is Reilly Gaines, including your kids. It's a crime. But maybe the cops aren't arresting these people because, well, do you really want to touch that? You know, if you look like a blob of cookie dough with feet, you can get away with anything. The next time I commit a crime, I'm definitely stripping. 

But parents taking kids to events with nude exhibitionists, that's just another nail in the coffin of the age appropriate filter. Today's sick and cowardly parents have decided there's no waiting period for intellectual, psychological, or even physical growth. Introduce children to this stuff as early as possible. It's textbook indoctrination, but even adults don't want to see this crap. Hell, if I want to go whale watching, I can head to Cape Cod and then on the boat watch "The View" on my phone. The boundary keeps getting pushed. It's not enough to force adults to see naked men in public spaces. Now it's kids. It's time to push back. Just put on rubber gloves before you do.