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He messed with drugs and tarts, now his story is falling apart. But can they keep the walls from closing in on Biden family sins? 

Well, Hunter hopes so. As his story collapses like a hooker OD-ing at a Motel 6, his lawyer turned to two Delaware prosecutors with deep ties to the Biden family to probe the infamous laptop. 

Mhmm, probe that laptop — be careful. The laptop Hunter said wasn't his, but somehow has his homemade smut on it. Sorry, pal, that excuse didn't work for me, and it's not going to work for you. 

BIDEN TOOK OUT $250K LINE OF CREDIT AGAINST DELAWARE BEACH HOME AMID HUNTER PROBE, CLASSIFIED DOCS SCANDAL

Meanwhile, Harvard has pulled the plug on a disinformation research project that was led by a skeptic of the laptop scandal. The university reportedly cited bureaucratic reasons. A woman named Joan Donovan ran the project. 

Here she is in a tweet from April 2022, I believe that's her on the right — I think. Who knows? Who knows these days, right? She could be on the left. Good for her. Good for her if she's both, maybe she's two-headed. She tweeted the Hunter Biden laptop was a "straw man" argument. 

BIDEN, HUNTER MAKE PRESIDENTIAL HISTORY AS FIRST FATHER-SON DUO UNDER SEPARATE INVESTIGATIONS 

Fair enough, Hunter's had more straws up his nose than a sea turtle — RIP, sea turtle. But now she's got so much egg on her face, supermarkets charge six bucks just to look at her. 

President Biden, meanwhile, secured a $250,000 line of credit against his Delaware beach house, according to records Fox Digital obtained. Really, no one knows why the credit line was taken out and the White House does not deny that the money is being used for cocaine and w-----, mainly because no one asked if it's being used for cocaine and w-----. I wonder what Joe thinks.

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FAKE PRESIDENT BIDEN: We took a home loan, and, you know, we had to do some repairs, fix the gutters and re-tile the bathroom. Come on! Of course we needed it for lawyers, of course we did. Hookers and lawyers, that's all Hunter ever spent his money on. I told him they'll both screw you, but only one of them's worth doing a re-fi on the beach house.