Grandmother takes heat on Reddit for sending hungry 5-year-old to bed: 'He's not starving'

A grandmother who says she is vegetarian took heat from others on Reddit this week for revealing that she sent her youngest grandchild, age 5, to bed "hungry" after a particularly challenging babysitting incident at her home in which the child apparently refused to eat the food she prepared.

"Hello, all, I'm 59," she wrote on the subreddit known as "AITA" ("Am I the a--hole") by way of introduction on the platform.

Her daughter, she said, is 31 and has "been living with me for the past few months, as they’ve had some financial trouble," she said, referring to the couple. 

She did not share her location.

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"Her husband is 38, and they have 4 children, from 5 years old to 9 years old," the woman also noted, calling herself "MamaBear5738" in her post. 

She added, "I’m vegetarian, so I don’t cook meat in the house, but her youngest is picky and usually doesn’t like my food."

"I’d just made rice and steamed veggies for myself because I wasn’t too hungry or in the mood to cook properly," wrote a woman on Reddit about a challenging incident involving her grandchildren and her daughter. "I offered some [to] the children and the two older ones ate." (iStock)

Her daughter, she wrote, "cooks a few meals a week, and she’ll usually make something for the kids if I’m making something they won’t like."

However, "last weekend my daughter said she was going out with her friends and I assumed she would be home by dinner, because she didn’t say anything specifically to me about doing anything for the kids."

However, the daughter did not return by 9 p.m. — "and the kids were hungry," the grandmother wrote. 

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"So I called her, but she didn’t pick up. Phone probably dead." 

MamaBear5738 wrote, "I’d just made rice and steamed veggies for myself because I wasn’t too hungry or in the mood to cook properly. I offered some [to] the children and the two older ones ate. The 5-year-old was upset, though, and asked if I could make chicken nuggets for him."

"The 5-year-old was upset … and asked if I could make chicken nuggets for him."

She continued, "We did have chicken and breadcrumbs, and I know how they’re made, but I didn’t feel good about cooking meat, so I told him he [could] wait until his mom [came] home."

"He got upset and threw the plate of food down and it broke. I picked up the ceramic pieces but had him help clean the rice. He was upset about that, too," she added. 

"My daughter wasn’t back until 11 and the kids went to sleep after a little while."

MamaBear5738 added, "My daughter was really upset that I let him [go to] sleep hungry, and I said it was one evening, and he’s not starving."

"My daughter was really upset that I let him [go to] sleep hungry, and I said it was one evening, and he’s not starving." (iStock)

She continued, "She said I could just get over myself and make the damn chicken. Then I told her he broke a plate, and she got even angrier that I asked him to clean like a ‘maid’ when he’s a little kid."

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The Reddit writer finished her story with, "I think she coddles him and I told her so. What do you think?"

On the subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").

For this personal story, many people weighed in with the "ESH" label — and the post so far has gotten more than 1,800 comments in less than a day.

Commenters expressed anger and disbelief at both the grandmother and the daughter who had a hand in the drama through her absence.

Fox News Digital reached out to several psychologists for professional insight into the situation.

"Most parents can attest that picky eating or food neophobia (the fear of new foods) is fairly common in childhood," said Dr. Zachary Ginder, a psychological consultant and doctor of clinical psychology at Pine Siskin Consulting, LLC, in Riverside, California, in emailed comments to Fox News Digital. 

"Estimates vary, but these behaviors are believed to be present in nearly 1 in 4 children. Admittedly, fussy eating can be stressful for both the caregiver and child."

"Parents and caregivers should remember that children may not be able to initially verbalize their reasoning for avoidance of certain foods or meals." (iStock)

He added about the circumstances described in the Reddit post, "This is not an acceptable method of discipline, especially for a child that is not eating. Parents and caregivers should remember that children may not be able to initially verbalize their reasoning for avoidance of certain foods or meals."

He said that "being a picky eater is an outward behavior that is often the result of multiple underlying circumstances beyond the child’s immediate control. The old saying, ‘If children are hungry enough, they’ll eat what’s in front of them’ doesn’t hold water and can do more psychological and physiological harm than good over the long term."

"Coercive, punitive or guilt-based actions from caregivers at mealtimes to get children to eat are strongly discouraged."

He also noted that "an ingrained habit of picky eating will not change overnight, and it is best to avoid a battle of willpower."

Ginder added, "To be clear, coercive, punitive or guilt-based actions from caregivers at mealtimes to get children to eat are strongly discouraged. There are many factors that may influence fussy eating behavior, including genetics, a heightened sense of taste or smell, textural or sensory hypersensitivity, anxiety or emotional dysregulation, food allergies and reflux" and more," he said.

"It sounds like no one wants to be in charge of the children," wrote one commenter about the story posted on Reddit. "A hungry 5-year-old at 9 p.m. is going to be HANGRY. [The child] should have been fed earlier." (iStock)

"A supportive approach is key," he stressed. And "if you're hitting a wall with at-home tactics, or if eating behaviors are impacting health and development, it is important to seek professional help as early as possible."

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Vijayeta Sinh, a licensed clinical psychologist at Mount Sinai New York, told Fox News Digital in emailed thoughts on Friday, "Sometimes when kids are picky, we’re not quite sure if there’s an ongoing issue with regard to food sensitivity, texture, sensitivity — and that may well be playing out here, for what we in layman terms call being a picky eater."

Second, she noted, the grandmother in the Reddit situation "sounds a little overwhelmed. She may be taking care of her daughter and her family, but that also comes with its own challenges — especially if the kids have their own sensitivities."

"It would be helpful if both mom and daughter sat together and talked about what was feasible for them both in terms of parenting these kids."

Third, she said, it's important for moms and dads "to know that the considerations we make for our kids may not be the same that we can expect from others, so it really does fall upon us as parents to take care of the things that we feel particular about."

She said that fourth, "when it comes to parenting, it’s not so much what we say but how we say it. If Grandma communicated in an easygoing manner ... and gave [the boy] an option of choosing that first dinner or a PB&J, it’s the kid's right to refuse — and it sounds like that’s what he did."

"You’re an adult, and [the kids] needed to eat. Come on," wrote one person in response to the Reddit post. (Tiffany Hagler-Geard/Bloomberg via Getty Images)

It’s also OK, added Sinh, "for the grandmother [to know] that that’s all she could put together that evening."

And fifth, "I think it would be helpful if both mom and daughter sat together and talked about what was feasible for them both in terms of parenting these kids, and come to an understanding, so that there are clear expectations and boundaries about what’s possible."

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She added, "What happened that one evening is less important than the need for both the grandmother and the mom to communicate and get on the same page about how they can plan better for these kids and situations."

"Where was her husband for all this?"

Online commenters expressed their anger and dismay at the grandmother as well as the mother of the children, who had a hand in the drama through her absence and lack of planning, they said.

Wrote one commenter, "Your daughter is out partying, and you let kids as young as 5 stay up until 9 p.m. wondering if they'll get dinner?"

The same person added, "Where was her husband for all this?"

"There's four kids in the house, aged 5 to 9, and the adults are being wishy-washy about feeding them, supervising them, bedtime, chores, etc." (iStock)

That comment alone received more than 6,000 upvotes by others on the platform. 

Another person who weighed in said, "It sounds like no one wants to be in charge of the children. A hungry 5-year-old at 9 p.m. is going to be HANGRY. They should have been fed earlier." 

That comment received over 2,000 upvotes.

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"Everyone involved knows it, but it sounds like no one wants to be responsible," the same person added.

The same person said directly to the poster, "You’re an adult, and [the kids] needed to eat. Come on."

"Everyone involved knows it, but it sounds like no one wants to be responsible."

Another commenter boiled things down this way: "If you haven't had the big-picture talk about timelines for moving out and rules around child care, please do so now."

Another person weighed in with straightforward thoughts as well.

"There's four kids in the house, aged 5 to 9, and the adults are being wishy-washy about feeding them, supervising them, bedtime, chores, etc." 

"Yes, they are not your kids, so you don't have to take on all responsibilities, nor cave to all your daughter's demands. But you should definitely communicate clearly what your boundaries and expectations are, and put some ground rules in place asap."

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After the flurry of negative feedback, the original poster came back with an "edit" to her story. 

She added, "Lots of misunderstandings, so I’ll be more clear. He [the five-year-old grandson] ate some crackers before he slept, so not completely hungry. He only got hungry at 9 because he ate at 5, I thought an early dinner would be fine, and he could sleep soon."

She also wrote, "He wanted to stay up and wait for his mom, though. So I didn’t keep him hungry from lunch 'til 9. I offered him PB&J in addition to the rice and veggies."

Folks online, though, were not buying it.

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Wrote one person strongly, "You were the adult in charge — feed them properly."

"Take [the] issues up with your daughter … and who [in the world] starve[s] their grandbabies?"

Melissa Rudy of Fox News Digital contributed reporting.

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