Is it just the dropping temperatures, or has your marriage been feeling a bit chilly? Whether you’ve been an item for two years or 50, Emily Nagoski, author of “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life,” has five tips that are sure to heat up your relationship in the bedroom.
Evaluate your needs
Have an honest talk with your partner about your sex life, and how good it may or may not be. “You can measure it in terms of how much you like the sex you’re having,” Nagoski tells The Post, and then plan out what you still need. “Hot sex can absolutely be planned sex.”
Ditch the self-shaming
If you can’t confidently ask your partner for what you want, why should he or she take the request seriously? “People are successful at talking about their fantasies and having them be accepted when they present those fantasies without fear,” Nagoski says.
Take the lead
Science says that trying new things is hot, notes Nagoski, who recommends exploring new positions and body parts. “As long as you have consent of the people involved, you’re allowed to do anything you want to each other’s bodies. There are no rules.”
Acknowledge the humor
Embrace the weird, funny moments — because they can turn you on. “When you laugh, both your thoracic diaphragm and your pelvic diaphragm contract rhythmically, so if you’re both laughing during intercourse, you can feel each other’s muscles contracting in this really profound, intimate way.”
Forget about orgasms
Don’t you always want the one thing you can’t have? By removing the pressure to “finish,” you’ll actually increase intimacy. “The harder you try not to orgasm, the harder it is not to orgasm. So you escalate the intensity pretty well.”