Dear Yvonne, I'm a 33-year-old male who just can't seem to land a relationship. I think I suffer from "nice guy syndrome." I consider myself a pretty decent-looking guy. But every time I meet someone, it always starts out great and in a matter of weeks, I find that I must've done something to ruin things. I don't understand what I do wrong, and I get myself down thinking I must be some kind of loser or something. Can you help? Thank you in advance, -Derek
Dear Derek, What you need to do first and foremost is work on your self-esteem. I'm concerned that you are automatically blaming yourself for a relationship gone sour. What makes you think that you've necessarily done something wrong? Two people don't stay together for a number of reasons that aren't personal, and parting ways doesn't always come down to one person doing something undesirable. What is unattractive, however, is having a "loser" attitude. If you feel like a loser, then that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you think something about yourself long enough, then that can become engrained in your self-perception. It becomes part of your identity and part of what you project to others. So the best thing you can do for yourself in losing your loser attitude is to: (A) quit being so hard on yourself; (B) quit feeling sorry for yourself; and (C) work on your self-esteem.
You need to bolster the energy you're giving off by focusing on your best qualities; activities that you enjoy, and areas where you feel the best about yourself. Do what you need to do to get to a better place, for example, exercise or work with a coach to counter self-defeating thoughts. Remember, people are attracted to nice guys - in many cases; they are the men who win when it comes to love in the end.
She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."