This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 24, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino, along with Andrea Tantaros, Bob Beckel, Eric Bolling, and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York City -- and this is "The Five."
(MUSIC)
PERINO: A major announcement this morning on the fate of Flight 370. Malaysia's prime minister reported the plane that disappeared on March 8th did, in fact, crash into the Indian Ocean, west of Perth, Australia. The conclusion came after a new analysis of satellite data.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
NAJIB RAZAK, MALAYSIAN PRIME MINISTER: It is therefore with deep sadness and regret that I must inform you that according to this new data, Flight MH370 ended in the southern Indian Ocean. Malaysia Airlines have already spoken to the families of the passengers. For them, the past few weeks have been heartbreaking. I know this news must be harder still.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Grief overtook some family members today after they were told by airline officials there was no hope their loved ones would be found alive.
Now, later today, around 3:00, there was a statement released by the families, and I'm going to read a bit of that to you now. It says, "This shameless behavior not only fooled and hurt the families of the 154 passengers, but also misguided and delayed rescue actions, wasting time and resources."
There's another slide there, thanks.
"A large quantity of human resources and materials and lost valuables."
Anyway, basically what it says is that there was unforgivable crimes and responsibility of the Malaysian government and the airline, Malaysian Airline, and also the military.
Andrea, in some ways, I think you might a great point just before the show started. Even though the Malaysian government said this is definitive now, that the plane crashed into the Indian Ocean, there seems to be almost, the families back to square one with no explanation of how it happened.
ANDREA TANTAROS, CO-HOST: Yes, that's how I feel. I feel like we're back at square one. Until you actually show me that plane, I'm not certain that I believe them. Maybe this is the most compelling argument yet, but we're 17 days in, and they have taken us on a wild-goose chase. I cannot imagine what it's like for the family members of the fallen or that may be dead.
This may be a really naive question, and I have asked this to my brother, who is a commercial airline pilot. I don't understand this. Seattle Seahawks fans set off seismographs. How could an airplane that heavy, that large, traveling at 40,000 feet or even 30,000, 20,000, traveling that fast, going into the ocean, not be detected.
Maybe it's a very naive question, but I still can't come to grips with the answer. And maybe someone has to answer to that, but I would love to know what it is, because I'm still not convinced this Malaysian, that, I'm sure, once off the front pages, still is telling us exactly what happened.
PERINO: I was curious, Eric, if you saw any of the reports on the new analysis, which are very like logical and mathematical in plotting the course, and they said another airline of the same size flew the same distance and that that's the only logical conclusion. Again, logic and math.
Does that explain it?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: And again, here is exactly what we're doing. Unfortunately, the Malaysian government and Malaysian Air did the same thing. They're speculating further at the expense of the families.
I -- when he said that, I was waiting for him to give us definitive proof. We have found a black box, we confirm debris from that airliner, none of that came out. He simply said based, you know what, based on some satellite stuff, we conclude it's the end, so let's move on.
Those families -- if I was one of the family members, I would have lost it at that point. You've done nothing. You've done nothing but try to wash your hands of this thing, saying it's over for you.
Maybe some more information is going to come out tomorrow that they have, but why not wait until tomorrow?
PERINO: Well, that was a strange thing --
BOLLING: Why not wait until you can show the world I'm sorry --
PERINO: Yes, I know.
BOLLING: -- and show the families that you do have proof? Rather than -- he's speculating. As far as we're concerned, he's speculating, just like the rest of --
PERINO: When he says at the end, we'll have more details for you tomorrow, it was curious communications, why they would have done that.
Greg, you point out that there's actually other things that they haven't answered yet.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Yes. Well, first, let me just address that. That was not an announcement in my opinion. That was a last call.
He was basically saying please go home. Please go home, like your parents telling your kids' friends to go home, it's dinner time and it's over, without any explanation.
I thought it was insulting he didn't take any questions. We can't trust them.
There was another instance, so strange you brought up, the surveillance photos of these two Iranian fellows. That they -- OK, so, if you look at this, this has been going around the Internet. I'm trying to figure out what is going on. They have the same legs, if you look at it, they have the same legs.
So, you're wondering, how do these surveillance -- how do these guys have the same legs? So, I think this was on "The Blaze" and "The Daily Mail" picked it up, and the government responded it was a clerical error on the copy machine, some incompetent thing. Somehow when they made copies, these guys had the same legs.
So, rather than being conspiratorial and saying, OK, this is photoshopped, it was just a mistake. So, OK, how many mistakes are they allowed?
And this gets back to the point I made last week. We would not do that. American exceptionalism extends in this area. The problem with the world is that the people in these countries, they want our help, but their leaders don't.
That's the case in almost all of these countries. We could do so much good in so many places, but the leaders say no and they screw up and make people's lives miserable.
PERINO: Bob, last week, you pointed out this is the biggest aviation mystery, and do you think that this is just going to have to remain a mystery?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Well, the first thing that strikes me, this is the first thing the Malaysians have said definitively since the beginning.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BECKEL: They refused to say it turned at first. Remember this, they refused to say the Thais picked up -- now, all of a sudden, definitively, we know it went in the ocean. So, there's a huge credibility gap here.
The other thing is that still -- it may never be explained, but why did the plane fly for eight hours? I mean, if this guy was killing himself, the pilot or the copilot, together they decided to kill themselves, why not do it sooner than that? It's just -- it's so bizarre, every bit of it. If they think it's going to go away but what they said so far just by saying this, I think they're kidding themselves.
PERINO: Andrea, in talking to your brother, some of the things don't add up, that the coordinates were changed before the turn is made, before the good night is given, and then there's no distress signal sent for the next eight hours.
TANTAROS: Yes, the fact that there was no distress signal to most pilots just doesn't add up, and the changing deliberately of the points. Why, if there was a fire, would you deliberately change the points? If there's a fire, you're going to call for help.
The only thing I could think of is the explanation that the ELT, which would have gone off, the emergency transmitter, if the plane would have hit land. So, maybe if it went into the ocean, pilots like my brother have said, OK, maybe that's why that didn't go off, but, Dana, there's all these other things that I assume to be true. How do we even know they're all true?
I mean, we have questioned all of these sources from day one. Well, how do we know that they did deliberately change the points? I mean, we're just operating on information. I'm at the point where I'm questioning everything.
To your point, Greg, it's like -- OK, not to jump to the next block, but why don't we give Malaysians control of our Internet --
GUTFELD: Yes.
TANTAROS: -- and see what happens? I can't get online for 17 days. Oh, I'm sorry, it went into the ocean. That's it, everybody --
GUTFELD: That was my point for the next block, too.
TANTAROS: Oh, I'm sorry.
PERINO: We'll let you repeat it.
Let me ask you, Eric, any business consequences out of this?
BOLLING: This is really, really strange. Apparently, Malaysian Air, and I can't confirm this, but apparently Malaysian Air sent out a text right before they notified the families that what was coming out from the prime minister.
I can't believe the tone deafness of that, let alone whether or not there's anything that we actually do know, yes, Malaysian Air is getting absolutely crushed in the markets, but just -- pointing out what Andrea was saying, with the prime minister saying this, all the speculation with the airplane, boy, he really -- he really makes us look bad for speculating right now.
If he knows what happened -- if they know what happened and they're holding it back, this last -- they changed the rules of the game in the bottom of the ninth right now. For us to speculate on what happened and whether or not there's a black box, we should wait and see what he has to say because if there's nothing, I can't imagine the push back.
How much money we spent looking for this thing.
PERINO: Bob, let me ask you from a -- I guess from the family's standpoint. In their statement, they say they plan the hold the government, the Malaysian airlines and the military accountable for what they call an execution of all these passengers if they are indeed dead.
I can understand how you could hold an airline responsible, I guess, financially. But how do you hold a government or their military responsible?
BECKEL: Well, you know, the other thing, I'm not so sure --
PERINO: Or accountable, I should say? How do you make them accountable?
BECKEL: I don't know, so difficult not being a family member, but the fact is if the plane did what it did, if they said it did, there's nothing the military could have done about it.
What I find amazing is the speculation became fact quickly. And the point Greg made, we shouldn't go over this too quickly. That photoshopped issue, the only two people we know who had fake passports on the plane --
GUTFELD: They screwed up the picture.
BECKEL: They screwed up the picture. What does it tell you? And it was bought by an Iranian. That sort of got lost in the shuffle.
It seems speculation became fact here very quickly in virtually everything and then we had to go back and change our facts. I think the Malaysians, again, what Greg said, they want everybody to go home and I think they're kidding themselves.
Although, I will say this, at what point do people like the United States, countries like United States, say enough is enough, we're not going to look anymore?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TANTAROS: And also, we talked about the computers arriving at Quantico, and I don't think we have any information yet. But why did the pilot have the makeshift simulator at home with those eight island runways. I mean, I don't know, maybe you guys do, but I don't sit at home and practice intros and outros to "The Five" at the bathroom mirror.
PERINO: I should.
TANTAROS: They can practice on simulators as part of their training. It seems a little geeky, a little odd that he would put together something and sit in the house and practice the runways.
GUTFELD: I have a simulation table of "The Five."
TANTAROS: That's something totally different, Greg.
GUTFELD: I have four mannequins right here, and one, Bob, I just yell at.
One thing I just want to say -- this hopefully is maybe the best you can hope for is the end of something, but not the beginning of something else, because we still don't know if this was supposed to be part of something else. We will never know if we deal with the Malaysians, we will never know.
PERINO: All right. Well said.
GUTFELD: Until it's too late.
PERINO: All right. Next, a war of words between the White House and Matt Drudge. We're going to tell you what that's all about.
Plus, President Obama plans to hand over America's control of the Internet, and a lot of people, they're not happy about it, including Bill Clinton. You're going to hear from him coming up.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
TANTAROS: Well, Internet pioneer Matt Drudge created a firestorm over the weekend, tweeting, "Just paid the ObamaCare penalty for not getting covered. I'm calling it a liberty tax."
The liberal critics were quick to pounce, noting the penalty doesn't apply until next year.
So, was Drudge being cautious, or does his payment highlight the confusion that will face ordinary taxpayers under ObamaCare.
Eric, I assume that Drudge is a small business owner and he's just trying to pay his quarterly taxes in anticipation of next year. Isn't this a pretty simple thing?
BOLLING: It's very simple. If you have ever owned your own business, you'll know you better pay your quarterlies because if you don't, at the end of the year, they nail you for not paying your quarterlies. So, Drudge, I assume, I don't know, I haven't spoken to him. But what I assume he did is he anticipated what his end of year next year penalty for this year will be and he did it on a quarterly basis.
He doesn't have to, but wisely, he did it on a quarterly basis. He's calling it his liberty tax.
And then the White House shot back and made some cheap shot about, oh, he used to be relevant. Are you kidding me? Matt Drudge used to be relevant?
Let me give you the numbers -- in one month, go on the Website, 800 -- almost 810 million unique views on the Drudge Report. Take it to healthcare.gov, about 4.5 million unique views.
So, let's clarify this. White House takes a shot at Matt Drudge, but Matt Drudge is putting up 175 times more unique views than WhiteHouse.gov. Back off, guys. Or healthcare.gov, I'm sorry.
TANTAROS: Dana, I want to ask about the White House response because this was from Jesse Lee, who's the director of Progressive Media, an online response. He didn't just take a cheap shot. He actually came out and called Matt Drudge a liar.
Now, I happened to Google Mr. Lee and look at his background. He has a degree in philosophy and used to be a staffer for Nancy Pelosi. Not exactly familiar with how small businesses work.
Isn't that an indictment on how ignorant the policy staffers are and the media elite?
PERINO: About how the bill would have practical effects against people.
TANTAROS: That's right.
PERINO: Now, OK, I'm not defending the guy, but when I worked in the White House for almost eight years, I didn't file my own taxes, I didn't have my own business, I was a government employee. So I paid my taxes like most Americans that work for an employer do.
It wasn't until I left and started my own business in April 2009, that then all of a sudden, a whole new world of tax preparation came into my existence, and you have to -- as a small business owner, you have to err on the side of an overabundance of caution to make sure that you're in compliance with the law.
Now, there might be tax preparers who said Matt Drudge didn't need to do that, that's overpaying, IRS is going to get a windfall. But if you're being cautious, and if you're a conservative --
TANTAROS: Matt Drudge.
PERINO: And you don't want the IRS on your tail, you better do the right thing and pay the penalty in advance when you do your quarterly taxes.
GUTFELD: I was thinking how funny it was that you had a small business.
PERINO: Yes, it was very short -- short lived.
TANTAROS: Hey, Greg, OK, so Dana tells a story about how she's probably used to paying a W2 and maybe this guy is used to paying it, too. But what about the media? How ignorant is the media when it comes to doing their research on how small businesses work?
For example, a Senate committee aide told "Breitbart News" on Friday that thousands of small businesses will be forced to pay ObamaCare taxes quarterly in 2014. It's a simple thing they could have figured out, yet the media got the story wrong and basically tried to paint Drudge as a liar.
GUTFELD: And also, it's kind of strange that the government, the media in a way is egging on the government against the small businessman. I thought you were supposed to support the little guy.
I want to just go back to what Eric said. This is a lesson in triumph of private over public. Drudge started that massive Web site with nothing. He had nothing. The government started ObamaCare with millions of dollars. With nothing, he created the best. With government, with everything, created the worst.
The only thing less competent than Obama is President Obama.
TANTAROS: Bob, there isn't even a rule for levying the tax yet. So how can the White House jump on Matt Drudge for doing --
BECKEL: It's very simple. This was -- if ever there was a scam job and Matt Drudge decided to put it out there because he doesn't like ObamaCare, this is it. I'm a small business owner. I'm not going to pay that tax this year. There's no way to pay that.
PERINO: Is that what the IRS keeps telling?
BECKEL: Don't interrupt me because I get the last question here every time. This guy set it up so he got another story, and his bull -- and did he lie? I would say this, he lost the truth somewhere along the way.
BOLLING: Wait, but what do you mean, Bob? He has to pay this. He's going to have to pay this.
BECKEL: You think this guy was going to do this without the publicity --
BOLLING: No, no. You have to pay the tax, he's just simply doing his quarterlies, which you have to do.
BECKEL: Just because he's a nice guy, he's doing the right thing? Come on. He's a right winger. What do you want?
BOLLING: Let me finish. It's not even about whether -- how he paid it, it's the fact that the White House came back and took a shot at Matt Drudge.
BECKEL: Good, they should have. I would take another one. Let me just jump onboard. I think he's not telling the truth.
PERINO: But, Bob, then the White House ends up being wrong. I mean, why not just leave it? Why not just let Drudge on a Saturday, have his point about health care. Instead, they turn this around so that they end up showing, like the sunlight back in their own eyes.
BECKEL: I don't -- I'm not going to argue about the communication strategy of the White House, I have never understood it very well. But if Drudge tries to make us believe that he did this thing because it was the right thing to do --
TANTAROS: He didn't do it because it was the right to do, Bob. He did it because the administration mandates that he has to pay quarterly ObamaCare taxes in 2014. They don't even know their own policy.
BECKEL: Well, I guess I'm behind.
GUTFELD: Wait, wait, so what if Bob is right. So, what if he did it? It's still correct. He's doing the right thing.
And it's smart of him to have figured that out as a publicity tool, right?
PERINO: The other thing that's going to happen is the IRS is going to end up with a windfall because people are going to be cautious enough to make sure that they're in compliance, and then they won't have to ask Congress for anymore money.
BECKEL: Here's one small business manager that's not going to be cautious.
GUTFELD: While you're still talking, can I ask you about this? Handing over the Internet, Bill Clinton had some thoughts on it. We discussed it last week on "The Five."
Bill Clinton seems to disagree with the administration. Take a listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENT: The United States has been by far the country most committed to keeping the Internet free and open and uninterrupted, and a lot of these people who say they want multi- stakeholder control over domain names and Internet access, what they really do is want the ability to shut down inconvenient exchanges within their own countries. And so, we have an obligation, maybe even a heavier one because of the problems of the past, not to let that happen.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TANTAROS: OK. So, for all his faults, Greg, Bill Clinton does have excellent political instincts, except maybe when he first came into office. But he does seem to know that this argument of ceding control of the Internet is probably not a sensible one or in America's best interest.
GUTFELD: This is one of the few times President Clinton will reject an international body. But the point is, America created the world -- free expression as a right. We created that world.
And we're handing it over to people who kind of see free expression as a burden, that it's not part of their life. I mean, Putin laughs at that sort of thing. It's our thing. It's our baby and we're giving it away. Why can't we give them away something that we don't want --
PERINO: ObamaCare.
GUTFELD: Yes, ObamaCare, California -- well, southern California. We'll keep northern. No, both. Take both.
BECKEL: Can we throw -- can I (INAUDIBLE)
(CROSSTALK)
TANTAROS: It reminds me of the handing over of the Panama Canal, Dana, where there was controversy with that. Why would we do something like that? It seems like a very logical question. How does this help America's best interests?
PERINO: We have actually sitting right there, the actual the legislative expert of the Panama Canal. A couple things, I wouldn't be surprised if the Obama administration came out and said Clinton was fighting the war of the last century, which is what they have been trying to criticize Putin of over the last two weeks, because Clinton is thinking old school, back in the 1990s, but Clinton is right, and I have a feeling that Hillary Clinton, that this would be one of the places where she will be able to distance herself from President Obama. She starts to run.
There is a way to get this to stop, and Congress can write into the budget and tell Commerce Department, don't spend any funds to implement that plan.
TANTAROS: Eric, Hillary Clinton over the weekend, too, she must be looking at polls with her husband. She made a comment that the country is heading in the wrong direction. Part of handing over the Internet doesn't make a lot of sense. Is that part of it?
BOLLING: I agree with Dana, where, you know, Hillary Clinton has basically spent the better year of a year and a half now trying to distance herself from Barack Obama, because she's going to have to run on different things. She's going to have to figure out a way to not be.
But do you remember how -- this has been going on a long time. The Clintons and Obamas haven't loved each other for a very, very long time, and it keeps sparking up. And I guess as we get closer to another year or so before she announces whether she's going to run or not, I'm guessing it's going to heighten.
BECKEL: You think, huh?
TANTAROS: Bob, why would we reward countries like Russia? Why would we give them control when they don't have the same beliefs that we do, or have the ability to possibly tax us or levee fees on us that we don't currently have?
BECKEL: I did a remarkable thing, changed my opinion on something. The -- I didn't realize, and I still am not quite sure how it is we stopped people from turning off the Internet in these various countries even if we control it. That's the thing that I don't quite understand. But if that's the case, then we certainly shouldn't give it away. I don't care about the names and all the rest of it, I do care about the free use of the Internet.
Does anybody understand how you can turn it off? Turn it back on?
PERINO: This is about the domain issue. It does make a difference as to who -- you want to have the United States in my opinion be the final judge as to what is allowed. It's not that anybody is complaining that loudly that they haven't been approved. I mean, the United States --
BECKEL: Can we turn off the Internet?
PERINO: It's a different issue.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: International control has never been superior to United States control. The only exception: the International House of Pancakes, and we run that.
TANTAROS: I still like my Panama Canal, Bob. That hurts, doesn't it?
All right --
BECKEL: We bought it, we paid for it, we thought we're going to keep it.
(CROSSTALK)
TANTAROS: Coming up, a special treat for "Footloose" fans. I'm one of them. The movie turned 30 this year, and to celebrate, actor Kevin Bacon just re-created some of the iconic dance scenes on the "Tonight Show." It is a must-see, up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BOLLING: Welcome back to the fastest seven -- three captivating stories, seven quick minutes, one cogent host.
Today's fastest seven has a Kevin, a Crimea, a Kimmel, a Kanye, a Kim, and a Kermit. I kid you not.
Kevin Bacon on Jimmy Fallon recently rides his immensely Ren McCormick from the '80s, "Footloose." Check it out. It's awesome.
(VIDEO CLIP PLAYS)
BOLLING: Now, we have a couple of big "Footloose" fans.
Go ahead, Ands, you have seen it how many times?
TANTAROS: I've at least seen it 17 times. And I loved it so much that I even went to see Kenny Loggins perform "Footloose" in concert as well as the Bacon brothers because I'm a huge Kevin Bacon.
BOLLING: Any thoughts of his remake?
TANTAROS: I think anything he does is great.
BOLLING: Dana, you like it, too.
PERINO: How does he not age a day. He looks fantastic. And I love the song "Let's Hear It for the Boy." I used to play that on a little cassette tape over and over before sixth grade.
I do think though, thinking about your book and this movie -- what, that's funny? You don't like the visual? My ski jacket getting ready to go outside, but this movie was a knock on conservatives.
GUTFELD: I know, my point I was going to make.
PERINO: Sorry.
GUTFELD: Whenever I think of you growing up in Colorado, I think of South Park. You can't see your head, totally covered and taunted on the bus.
This is my point. When I saw the coming Attractions, I was, I don't know how old, I condemned it without seeing it because it was a predictable evil preacher banning dancing, which is the dishonesty of Hollywood life because that's not how it is.
It's not about the preacher condemning something. It's the encroachment of subversion on benign traditions. It's not the dancing ban. It's an oversexed curriculum. But we'll never do a movie on that.
BOLLING: Dance one out.
Bob, you want --
BECKEL: Well, it's such a national treasure. I really don't think we should try to dissect it here. I have never seen it.
BOLLING: Very good.
All right. Stay right there, don't go anywhere. Jimmy Kimmel's crew asked random and ridiculous questions about Crimea in their funny man on the street segment. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
QUESTIONER: Do you believe Crimea's vernal equinox should remain in the multi-verse, or do you support Ukraine's acquisition of the Lululemon.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I support it.
QUESTIONER: Why?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, you know, first of all, I think that -- I believe in their beliefs.
QUESTIONER: Whose beliefs? The Ukrainians or the Lululemonians?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: The Ukrainians.
QUESTIONER: In which universe?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: In this one.
QUESTIONER: Do you think in the alternate universe, the person answering this question knows we're just speaking nonsense?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, not at all.
QUESTIONER: Do you know that?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, not at all.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Oh, my God. Bobby?
BECKEL: All I can say is having done (INAUDIBLE) for a number of years, you can always find people like this. It's an embarrassment to watch them say this, but everybody wants an opinion, even if they don't know what it's about. If they've got a camera in front of them, even more so. This is -- it's funny. It's entertaining, but it's probably on a very good reflection of what people think.
BOLLING: The best question of that whole thing was, why?
GUTFELD: You know, I kind of am with Bob. It's funny, but I hate it because to me, it feels like class warfare. It's like a rich host and his clever writers go out to the street and make fun of everybody else by confusing them and people want to be on TV. So, I -- but I laugh at it, but I'm also going, I feel bad that I laugh at it.
BOLLING: Do you feel bad for people?
PERINO: I do feel bad, but I also think -- it's interesting because it doesn't identify them with the Kimmel show. Like when we go out, if you put a microphone in someone's face, it says FOX News so people know who they're talking to. Sometimes they decline to talk to you, like Jesse Watters find out.
Look, this lady wasn't the only one who would need to Google Crimea.
GUTFELD: They edit a lot, right? They must get a lot of smart people.
BOLLING: You know what else, Ands? They also have to get their permission to play it.
PERINO: They do?
BOLLING: Oh, yes.
GUTFELD: They've got to sign something.
PERINO: Yes, I mean, I would -- if I was so stupid, I don't think I would ever let them play it. But I get sad when I watch the videos as funny as it is, because I think there's a lot of people who don't know what's happening in Russia and aren't familiar with international affairs.
BECKEL: But you did know what was happening --
(CROSSTALK)
TANTAROS: This is my issue. There's a lack of honesty. Why don't people look at them and say what are you talking about?
BOLLING: We need, they're telling me to move on, but those Lululemonians, I tell you.
PERINO: I'm one of them.
BOLLING: All right. "Vogue" is set to release its newest issue. On the cover, guess who? Yes, the Kardashians, both Kim and Kanye. Well, that cover set off a firestorm of humorous spoof covers. Check out Seth Rogen and James Franco as bosom buddies. And this one caught our attention, Kermit and Piggy on their cover of "Vague."
Dana, your thoughts on the Kardashians' cover?
PERINO: I think, look, if they wanted to be really edgy and they wanted to get a lot of controversy, they would have on their cover the "Duck Dynasty" family. That would actually be different and subversive.
GUTFELD: Yes, this is the intersection of pointlessness. Two things you don't care about, "Vogue" and the Kardashians.
But here's the good thing about having her on there. Usually a typical issue of vogue weighs more than their models. They got somebody with a lot of flesh.
BOLLING: What about it, Ands? Your thoughts? By the way, inside, that was inside where they showed the picture of North, as well? Right, where North is kind of naked on Kanye's chest there.
TANTAROS: This is a big deal for those of you who follow this story, which, you know, I just heard from people that supposedly, Kim Kardashian has been eyeing to get on the cover of "Vogue" for a long time. And so, Kanye West has been lobbying Anna Wintour to put her on and I don't think she wanted to put her on by herself.
In Kim's defense -- oh, ready? I think that she is a fashion icon, and she is an important figure in fashion, if you care about fashion, Bob, which I buy "Vogue" and I like "Vogue," and I admit I follow the story.
BECKEL: Look, this woman -- first of all, the only thing that is likable, she doesn't have sense or intelligence to read the "Vogue."
TANTAROS: I didn't say she was smart.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: She's smarter than us.
BOLLING: Dana makes a good point. I heard she put down $11 million last year. Is that right?
PERINO: She's smarter than I am, believe me.
BECKEL: If you start off with a rich father who is a lawyer for O.J. Simpson and you get --
BOLLING: That's not fair.
BECKEL: Yes, it is, and you get enough plastic surgery to rebuild the $6 million.
GUTFELD: I don't think she's had plastic surgery?
BECKEL: Oh, come on.
GUTFELD: Really?
BECKEL: Oh, man, she's got them working around the clock.
TANTAROS: Come on, Gutfeld.
BOLLING: They tell us we've got to go.
Next, all right, serious tone here, we'll have an update on the deadly mudslide this weekend in Washington state. More than 100 people still unaccounted for.
"The Five" returns in a minute.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BECKEL: A FOX News alert. We want to give you an update on the search for the survivors of the devastating mudslide over the weekend in Washington, 55 miles north of Seattle.
At least eight people are dead and the list of missing or unaccounted for has grown to more than 100.
FOX's Dan Springer has the latest from nearby Arlington -- Dan.
DAN SPRINGER, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: Yes, Bob, just a horrible tragedy unfolding here. The officials have not given up hope. They're still calling this a search and rescue operation, but it is not looking good at this point. Hope is definitely diminishing.
It's been a difficult and dangerous effort ever since this happened on Saturday morning at 11:00. The debris and mud is 15 feet high in some spots, and like quicksand, we're told. Searchers have to take all-terrain vehicles in because the highway has been wiped out and now comes word that geologists are worried about more landslides.
The death toll is at eight as you mentioned and expected to rise. There are 108 reports of people missing, but officials don't believe there are anywhere near that many people actually missing and buried in the mud. But at this point, they simply don't know. And that is adding to the heartbreak for so many families.
We know 35 homes were destroyed along with about a dozen other structures. Seven homes upriver have flooded and more are expected to flood as this landslide continues to partially block a river. Now, if all that blocked water were to come down at one time, it could flood dozens of homes and destroy five bridges downriver. So, it's still a very fluid situation, very dangerous situation for search and rescuers as they continue to work in those area -- that area that is very, very unstable.
BECKEL: All right, Dan. Eric, you have a question?
BOLLING: Yes, Dan, very quickly. So, there are 108 unaccounted for. Is there a window of opportunity to start looking for -- I know they're looking, but I assume they're holding back for fear that some of the search and rescue people could be in jeopardy. Are these people at risk of being here too long, where they where they -- we start worrying whether they're too far secluded?
SPRINGER: Yes, that's a really good question. We heard the geologists are worried about more slides. This is an area hit hard by rains this month. They have already had over seven inches of rain. A normal month of March here is about 4 1/2. So, they're threatening the record.
More rain is expected on Tuesday through the weekend, so because of that threat of more slides, yes, they're in a very difficult situation. And they're pulling back in some areas and going forward in others.
They've got those all-terrain vehicles going in there where they can safely look for people. They're doing their best, but of course, it's very dicey in there.
BECKEL: All right. Dana, you've got a question?
PERINO: Sure. Dan, I was wondering if there were any more evacuations planned for the surrounding area and how long they might be out of their homes.
SPRINGER: Yes, good -- you know, what's happening is because the river is being blocked and that lake is being formed behind this mudslide, you have people whose homes are being flooded right now in that -- you know, upriver from the slide area. They're able to watch the water level rise slowly. More homes could be affected.
At nighttime, they can't see the water rising. So, they're asked to leave their homes and come back in the day when they can see what's going on. As far as downriver, the evacuation order was lifted for those folks because there's been a natural trench that has been dug by that water upriver through the debris area, and it's getting back into the normal river again.
So, those people are safe for now.
BECKEL: Dan, we've got to go, but one quick question. Is there anybody indicating that deforestation has anything to do with this?
SPRINGER: No, this is an area that has been very unstable for years. There was a slide here in 1967, another in 2006. Interestingly, this particular event started three weeks ago when people started to see stuff falling down the hillside. So, one of the questions is why weren't more precautions taken as the rain continued to fall?
BECKEL: OK. Dan, thank you very much. Good job. You had a big -- a lot of applause around the table when my deforestation question fell flat.
I'll have inside information on whether Hillary Clinton is going to run again in 2016. So, stay tuned for "The Five." We'll be back, all right? Give me a break.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: This is probably the only time I'll ever say this on TV. If you have kids, make them leave the room. But if you're cooking dinner, turn off the set for a few minutes and come back, because what I'm going to talk about is pretty gross. I'll keep it short, but here it goes.
There's a report out of Britain claiming that 15,000 fetuses were incinerated at NHS hospitals and used sometimes to heat the hospitals as part of a waste-to-energy program. I know. It's unreal.
It reminds me of a movie I saw as a kid called "Soylent Green." It's about an ugly future where humans survived off processed food made from people. Soylent Green was the food, it was us, a solution to mass poverty.
So what's England's excuse? How did they get to this point? And what does this say about humanity when flesh becomes fuel for those lucky enough to live? And what constitutes waste these days? Waste is a substance without value. If you abort a healthy child as a choice, do you forfeit the right to care about where it goes next?
Once you remove moral values, sadness over its usage becomes absurd. It's like mourning the loss of a tumor.
Finally, I wonder how many media types who believe in waste-to-energy think fossil fuels are evil? Out with the old, in with the new. I can see the headline: "U.K. Discovers New Source of Green Energy to Undercut Putin." Soylent Green is energy.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
There was a special on this tonight. It's called "Dispatches." It's on Channel 4 in England. They interview some women who found out about this. Cathryn Hurley lost her baby at six -- at eight weeks. And this is her talking about the hospital.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CATHRYN HURLEY, LOST BABY: I asked what would happen to my baby. And she just kind of said, "Well, it will be incinerated with the rest of the day's waste." And so that -- that was really difficult to hear because to me, it wasn't the day's waste. It was my baby. It would have been nice to have some kind of choice about it, to kind of mark that baby's life, and there was nothing within the hospital that gave us that opportunity.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Just go around the table. This is -- it's such a horrible story, and I know that it's 5:30 in the -- 5:51 in the evening, but who else is going to talk about it if we don't?
TANTAROS: That's right. Well, whether you're pro-choice or pro-life, I think you'll agree this is a heinous story, probably the worst that we've ever done on "The Five," but it is worth talking about.
And this is what happened, I think, when governments like in England take control of the health-care system. They're not interested in the individual or people's feelings. They're interested in the bell curve. Everything for the greater good is put above the needs of the people. And so you have these stories like this woman saying, "I would like a little more choice." Isn't that interesting? She doesn't have a choice.
GUTFELD: True.
BECKEL: You know, it's interesting, I was involved in the waste energy business, actually, for a while, and it's meant to (UNINTELLIGIBLE) garbage, is what it's meant to burn. It's not meant to burn human flesh. And the idea that they would do this and get away with this for this long is, to me absolutely -- it's just outrageous.
BOLLING: So very quickly, it just begs the question: all these abortion clinics, what are they doing? What are they doing? It's just a complete disregard, a blatant disregard for human life. It's disgusting. Nothing short.
PERINO: Am I right in the clip that we saw, that interview, she -- she lost her baby. She didn't choose to abort the baby. So I think that tonight on that program, as I've read the articles about it, it actually does talk about women who made a decision, women and maybe men that were involved in that decision, to abort a baby, and where are they rethinking that choice?
And I'm actually glad to see that Britain, having lived there, that Channel 4 is taking this on and exposing it, because again, if we don't talk about it, and we just pretend like this is too hard to talk about, then I wonder where else you're going to get it. But at least you have a free media in Britain where you can talk about it.
GUTFELD: Yes. And officials have condemned it, but...
TANTAROS: Kind of.
GUTFELD: ... they should have known. It's crazy.
All right, "One More Thing" up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: It's time now for "One More Thing." Greg, you get to kick it off.
GUTFELD: Over the weekend, I ran into some serious "Five" fans from all over the world, mainly Florida, actually, because that is the world. And by the way, Eric, by the way, Eric, everybody -- everybody steals "The Five" thing now. So Donald was there, and he does it while we were there, at Mar-A-Lago.
BOLLING: That's you doing it, dude.
GUTFELD: Because they do it now wherever you go.
BOLLING: Isn't it a banned hand signal?
GUTFELD: I hate it. I have to do it, because they learned it from you. They ask about Bob, and they copy the hand thing.
But I was there for the Guardian Fund for Allen West. I spoke about my book. But they're great guys, and they love "The Five."
Bob, they love you. They do.
PERINO: Because everybody loves you, you get to go next.
BECKEL: OK, for all those stories you've read that Hillary Clinton's advisers, are -- a lot of them she has around the country, are all in favor of her running in 2016, in fact, that's not true.
There are people around her who are close to her, and they're almost evenly divided about whether she should run or not run. Some of them believe that it would not be helpful because a lot of stuff would be dug up from the past on her husband. A lot of them think she should go out on a high note, and that a campaign like this would be very, very, very, very damaging to her.
PERINO: I think we should do a block on this tomorrow and expand.
All right. I'm going to go, because I had the pleasure of meeting with the George W. Bush Women's Initiative fellows last week. They're here this year from Tunisia. There's 20 of them. They're women from all different types of sectors from health care, energy, law, education. They come for a month. They get to be in Dallas, New York. They go to Silicon Valley and Washington, D.C. They get to visit the New York Stock Exchange, Google, Cape May (ph), Mary Kay, all sorts of different things. It's a really great thing.
If you like programs where you're helping people who want to help themselves, it is a very good one. You can find out more about...
GUTFELD: I hate those programs.
PERINO: We're going to be there on Thursday, by the way.
GUTFELD: I don't (ph).
PERINO: Andrea is next.
TANTAROS: So that was noble, and this is not. OK, I've been pushing to get this story in "The Five," but to no avail.
Listen to this: Two teachers, according to a panel of judges in New York, are allowed to have sex in the classroom as long as their students are, I guess, not around. They can lock the door and after hours do whatever they want. This was a ruling that came out last week. How disgraceful.
It's now being dubbed Horndog High. And Bob is really upset we didn't get to talk about it. But I guess in de Blasio's New York, teachers come first, right?
PERINO: Right.
Bob, you could make a field trip.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Eric is next.
BOLLING: All right. The single most destructive thing to a free market capitalism...
PERINO: What?
BOLLING: ... over the last 237 years in America has been clearly Obama care. So when BarackObama.com decided to make this their new bumper sticker, "Don't Tread on My ObamaCare," with that -- with that stethoscope, look at what they're doing. They're thumbing their nose or giving the middle finger to the people, the good people who are the Tea Party, the libertarians of the world. I've got to say, that was...
GUTFELD: It's not their Obama care. We're paying for it.
PERINO: Really good show. All right. Thank you, everybody.
Don't forget to set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." We're going to see you back here tomorrow.
Content and Programming Copyright 2014 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2014 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.
Get all the stories you need-to-know from the most powerful name in news delivered first thing every morning to your inbox