This is a rush transcript from "The Five," April 3, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JESSE WATTERS, HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Kennedy, Juan Williams, Dana Perino, and Greg. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is “The Five.”
This is a Fox News alert, Joe Biden finally responding to mounting allegations of inappropriately touching women. Four are now speaking out about the former V.P.'s behavior with two more coming forward last night. Biden addressing the allegations earlier.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN, FORMER VICE PRESIDENT: I'm always trying to make a human connection. That's my responsibility. I shake hands. I hug people. I grabbed men and women by the shoulders and say you can do this. And whether they're women, men, young, old, it's just the way I've always been. It's the way I've tried to show I care about them and I'm listening.
And on social mores have began to change. They've shifted. And the boundaries of protecting personal space have been reset and I get it.
I will be more mindful and respectful of people's personal space. The idea that I can adjust to the fact that personal space is important, more important than it's ever been it is -- it's just not unthinkable. I will. I will.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: All right. Let's go to the Democrat at the table here. Mr. Williams --
DANA PERINO, HOST: Oh, boy.
WATTERS: -- not the smoothest rollout for Mr. Biden. You've had the indecision, the apology tour, now the women. How do you think he's doing so far?
JUAN WILLIAMS, HOST: Well, I think he should do an interview. I think the paper statement and now the video just strikes me as insufficient and not up to the moment. And I think Dana has made the point that he doesn't have a campaign, so he doesn't have a campaign apparatus, a communications shop, a spokesman who could be helping him here.
I know that he does have staff. I mean, there's no question about that. But for me, I would like to just say -- see Joe Biden come out and speak to it and not engage in what looks like hiding behind the camera because he's just doing a video and throwing the video out there.
You know, to me, the difficulty for Joe Biden is that it opens the door to the Anita Hill question and how he handled Anita Hill. It opens the door to conversations about criminal justice reform that makes him out to be a guy who's just out of touch with the times. And I think that's coming from the left wing of the Democratic Party.
But I don't think it's disqualifying which is what Nancy Pelosi, the speaker, said. It's not disqualifying. But at this point, you know, you just feel for Joe. I don't think President Trump's comments in which he said welcome to -- you know, how do you like your life now, Joe? Because I think Trump wants to -- and some Republicans, unfortunately, joining him in this, make this out like this is what happened to President Trump.
President Trump grabbing women is assault. What Joe Biden did is just, at best, inappropriate, had nothing to do with sex.
WATTERS: Well, we have that sound from the president, so let's listen and Kennedy can react.
KENNEDY, HOST: Very good.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT: The only non-sort of heavy socialist, he's being taken care of pretty well by the socialists. They got to him. Our former vice president he's -- I was going to call him -- I don't know him well. I was going to say welcome to the world, Joe. Are you having a good time, Joe?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: I think he's saying it's pretty rough out there.
KENNEDY: Yes, and especially now in this political landscape. Very different than when Joe Biden might have run for president. I don't know, 1988? It's interesting because it is so dirty. But this is also a known quantity and the president is absolutely right. It's just interesting that some of Joe's foes are playing the touching card this early.
You know, obviously, trying to keep him out so he can't land those big- money donors early on because he is at the head of the pack right now. He's the biggest threat not only to the other people in the race but to the progressive people in the race and what they stand for. And what they're willing to do to dismantle the establishment and the Democrat Party.
WATTERS: All right. So, Dana, Juan did not think the video was sufficient. What do you think about the video statement?
PERINO: Well, the fact that it's Wednesday and we've been doing this story as our lead story since Monday, will tell you that that they've probably not handling it well in terms of getting over it. But there's been other - - no other like big news that has come out.
The big news that people that support Joe Biden are waiting for -- or even people waiting to run against him is his big announcement. So I think the video thing today, maybe that helps put it to bed a little bit. But see -- I also -- absolutely think this is calculated and coordinated because what's the headline this morning, two more women came out. And then tomorrow would be two more.
This is what they did to President Trump, and I can see why he was like, well, you know, how you like it now?
PERINO: But, this is the other thing. What do we talk about when people - - we say people like President Trump, why? It's authentic, OK. Joe Biden is now basically being told you cannot be your authentic self and run as Joe Biden. And they're trying to turn him into a straight arm -- whatever, stiff arm robot. And --
KENNEDY: Pretend like I have a cold.
PERINO: Yeah. And that's just not who we is. And his polling has held up pretty well even though he doesn't have a campaign. Across the board, he's always the number one Democrat that people -- Democrats being asked like who do you want to run and who do you think could beat President Trump? It's always Joe Biden.
Maybe there's other reasons for that, name idea, etcetera. But he hasn't taken that many wax. We'll see what this -- what else does this done. But it seems to me that the Democrats are just desperate to get him out.
PERINO: And he -- I wouldn't count him out. I think that he can overcome it.
WATTERS: I think so, too. And for some perspective, he's met probably a million people in the last ten years. Four women said they felt uncomfortable. This was not sexual assault, this nozzle-gate.
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Nozzle-gate. Permission to do a corny joke?
PERINO: Yeah, absolutely.
GUTFELD: Why do these women wait so long to come out?
GUTFELD: Maybe they were Biden their time. Anyway --
PERINO: Very good. Very good.
GUTFELD: I -- you know, this story -- it shouldn't be a two idea prison. I always say that. You can state that he shouldn't be doing this sort of thing. But the Democrats shouldn't be trying to destroy him either simply because he's in the way. They're willing to destroy kind of a lasting memory of who this person is because they just don't want this old white guy around anymore.
And they're willing push him aside when he was out -- this was all known. Didn't that matter now, now it matters now. So for me, he shouldn't be doing it but it would be nice for this attack not to work because to your point it's definitely being run by a pro. This drip, drip, drip, who's next? It's got that media matters feel to it where it might be a conjoined orchestration between like the Sanders' group and media matters because it's such a calculated take-out.
And it's a point where, like, both parties could unite and say do you think maybe it's time to stop this crap? That we're just -- we're just basically ruining people's lives over politics. Meanwhile, you look over at Virginia, you still have -- you know, we still didn't know who was in blackface. The governor is still there. There's some sexual assault claims that are pretty disturbing.
That -- where the Democrats priorities on that? So it's definitely politically calculated, motivated, and maybe --
WILLIAMS: But you know it's not. You said older white male, and the Democrats don't want it. You know the suspicion to your --
WILLIAMS: -- is Bernie Sanders, he's an older white male. And he's just raised a record amount of money. And, you know, to Dana's point. Dana, you know, the Democrats -- it's not all Democrats who are opposed to Joe Biden. As you point out, he's, I think, close to 30 percent in terms of people.
WILLIAMS: So it's not Democrats. We're talking about potentially either his opponents who are trying to, you know, preempt his announcement. Or secondly, that you have people who say, you know what, there's a real issue with how men treat women and, guess what, I'm sensitive to it. And it's not saying --
GUTFELD: Just happened now?
WILLIAMS: -- oh, we don't like Joe Biden.
KENNEDY: Those two things can be true at the same time.
WILLIAMS: OK. All right.
KENNEDY: And that's what made --
GUTFELD: But we know that's false because it's happening now.
KENNEDY: It is happening now. It's happening now because people are using it for their political advantage.
KENNEDY: But it's also -- to your point, people have known about this for a long time, these meme, these pictures, these montages have existed forever. And, you know, in Joe Biden's defense, what if your greatest political strength on the turn of a dime became your ultimate weakness?
KENNEDY: What would you do? How do you adapt to that kind of political climate if the thing that you've always been known for, the things you've always been best at is now something that defines you as a horrible person.
PERINO: Right, that's what I'm saying that they're trying to basically dehumanize him.
WATTERS: And they're going to be showing video tape of Biden at these diners and these rallies, and how he's going to handle it? Is he going to hug?
GUTFELD: Handle it.
PERINO: You know what? I think you should just be your best self and just --
GUTFELD: You don't want me to be my best self.
PERINO: Have I ever seen that?
GUTFELD: Yeah -- no.
WATTERS: Can't wait for that. All right, liberal hypocrisy over the crisis at the border is in full effect. See it next on THE FIVE.
GUTFELD: The southern border. First it was a crisis, then it wasn't, then it was. What could it be now?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This president just used the backdrop of the Oval Office to manufacture a crisis.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Right now we have a crisis at our southern border.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Some question if there is a crisis at all as the president has claimed.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We do have a crisis at the border.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: An intelligence official tells CNN, quote, no one is saying this as a crisis except them.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We sit down instantly then start negotiating an end to this border security crisis.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: But no sign of the national emergency that the president has been talking about. As a matter of fact, it's pretty tranquil down here.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Crisis, no crisis, crisis. The media is like your dumb friend who asked to step out of the car to see if the blinkers are working. Yeah, it's working. Not working. Working. Not working. How can you make sense of this? Journalism these days is just another form of hysteria. A cynical person might think that if the press can't pin the crisis on you, then the crisis doesn't exist.
Meanwhile, we see the crisis with our own eyes. We see the coyotes as people who traffic in suffering. The media just sees them as goofy, colorful tour guides. That's a result of childish denial that will make you say anything other than the truth, stuff that borders on the obscene. The border crisis is a long-term problem that makes problem solvers in the short term look like the bad guys. You're the parent threatening to take away the kids avocados.
Meanwhile, the Dems and media don't know what a crisis is actually is. They're like a sailor saying his leaking boat works great until it's in the water. That's how they see the border. It works just fine, until someone is crossing it. Now you have thousands crossing daily and the media reverts to its usual amnesia. It's a crisis again, everyone.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This migrant situation is called a crisis. But you know what? That word is overused and doesn't do the situation justice. We're going to show you what's happening here. It's not easy to see. Let's shine a light on what is obvious. What do you say? Let's get after it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Oh, boy.
GUTFELD: What do you expect? For two years they were screaming that we had a Russian plant in the White House, never contemplating the hysteria effects. Thankfully, smarter people kept them from destroying the country even as they destroy their own credibility. That's the bigger crisis of failed media trying to tell you what matters.
So, Kennedy, a child's view is something bad is happening now. Let's fix it. An adult view is what's happening now, happen before, and can happen later, so we need a long-term fix. Isn't that what this is really about?
KENNEDY: Yes. That's a good way of framing it. And Congress is supposed to be the adult.
KENNEDY: Congress is supposed to be the body that looks at long-term effects of immigration, and perhaps allowing people in the country who want to work, and who want to help our economy, and who want to fill some of the labor spots that are in credibly tight right now.
Unemployment is very, very low. And we do need help from our friends from the south, from Central America and Mexico. Having said that, when you have people who are in limbo, they're torn between two countries, they want to go to the land of the free, they want to go to America, they want to help their families, they want to escape places that are run by drug cartels, but they can't.
So what do they do? They rush for the exits, just like if you are in a concert hall and it catches on fire, you're going to have a stampede and people are going to get hurt. And that is what's happening here. And Congress is supposed to be the body that make sure there are fire codes and fire extinguishers and plenty of exits so people aren't trampled to death.
GUTFELD: Excellent analogy.
KENNEDY: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Jesse, I believe that she may have done a better analogy than your horse one from last week.
WATTERS: You still remembered it.
GUTFELD: I do. I do. You know, should the Dems realize you can't create a country of great free stuff without a container that holds the free stuff. And that's kind of what a border is.
WATTERS: That's not what this is about, Greg.
GUTFELD: Ah, damn it.
WATTERS: This is about Democrats wanting to turn Texas blue. If Texas is blue, Republicans will never win another presidential election. You won't even have to have a conversation about the Electoral College. It's over. Forget about it. They'll win for the rest of eternity.
So they don't have a solution for the border because they don't want a solution. They want open borders. Only a few of them will say that. They don't have the political courage. They'll hide behind things like it's not a crisis. You know, let's get some more beds for the detainees. It's not true.
Have they even gone down to get a briefing from the border patrol? Have they ever even gone to Mexico or to Central America to talk to their counterparts? Do they want to change the detention policy, the asylum policy, the catch and release policy? No. We've listened to video on the show of border patrol agent say it's like a United Nations we're catching crossing. Albanians, Pakistanis. They're human traffickers. They're MS- 13. They're gang bangers.
They're literally bringing children who they don't know with them to cross the border because the minute they cross and set foot, we have to catch and release them. And say, in two years, we'll see with the immigration hearing but they don't show up. That's not a country. That's a lawless nation.
GUTFELD: Juan, do you agree? I'm sure you do. Is it an attempt to turn Texas blue?
WILLIAMS: I love hysterics. But, I mean, that's why you can't solve this problem because people will say just off-the-wall things, and you've got gang bangers and murderers and terrorists from Southeast Asia. I mean, it's just not true. Here's the thing --
WATTERS: No gang bangers that never cross the southern border, Juan?
WILLIAMS: No, come on. This is like Trump yesterday. Trump says -- Trump makes this -- oh, you know what, if I close the border, no impact. Mitch McConnell and the Republicans had to tell him, oh, Mr. President -- even the chamber of commerce had to tell him, Mr. President, that's going to damage the American economy. Don't do it, stupid.
And it's just like -- you know, he goes off and he says, oh, people applying for asylum, only 3 percent show up for the hearing. Mr. President, it's closer to 90 percent. So he does things, like separate kids from families --
GUTFELD: Obama did that too.
WILLIAMS: No. Obama had unaccompanied minors. These are families. And so, when he uses the term crisis, he uses things like, oh, we're being invaded. This is an invasion. It's a military -- no, what you've got is what Kennedy described. Families who say, you know what, it's getting harder with this guy rhetoric, and this guy threats about a wall, and so we're going to try to put our children in better position to have economic prosperity. We'd like to come.
Maybe we should go now because Trump's rhetoric is so divisive --
GUTFELD: Well, go now --
GUTFELD: All right, let me get Dana in. Do you believe that it's Trump's divisive rhetoric that's enticing people from Central America?
PERINO: Is your point that his threat to close down the border --
WILLIAMS: Yeah, the whole thing, the wall -- but I think it does send a message to people if you're coming, you better go now.
PERINO: So -- we'll see if that happens. We know that happened with Obama, remember? When -- I can't remember what the decision was, but then all of a sudden you have all of these migrants coming because they were like, oh, my gosh, something is going to change, so they rush.
GUTFELD: But you could argue the opposite.
GUTFELD: That's the thing, it's a pointless point.
PERINO: To go back to your original point about the adults, so the issue really is laws and a court decision. The law being the asylum piece, the court decision being the one that you can't hold children for longer than 20 days, so -- let's just say that it's true that 90 percent show up for their hearings, but if a million people are coming in the year or more, so we have a 100,000 in March, you start -- it starts to get -- that's a pretty big number.
PERINO: And the president's approval numbers with Hispanics is on the rise. Why is that? Because they don't like this. I don't think it's going to help them in Texas, the Democrats in Texas, or Arizona, or anywhere else --
(CROSSTALK) KENNEDY: Why are we assuming that every Latino person is going to automatically vote Democrat?
PERINO: Well, the truth -- it's not true. It doesn't happen. And the president's numbers are up with Hispanics.
GUTFELD: All right, we've got to -- we've got to go. Do you want to say something --
WATTERS: They don't vote Republican.
GUTFELD: Yeah. All right, President Trump blasting the Green New Deal of the must-see tape, next.
PERINO: President Trump pivoting to 2020 by setting his sights on potential Democratic contenders. Trump mocking the new -- Green New Deal that many of them support, but says he hopes that they make a -- the Green New Deal part of the campaign.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: I'm only afraid that we're going to be too hard on the Green New Deal and they're not going to do it because I want them to do it. We don't want to have them knock it out before we get to run against it. The Green New Deal done by a young bartender, 29-years-old. The Green New Deal.
You know, but it's crazy -- you know the first time I've heard it I said that's the craziest thing. You have senators that are professionals that you guys know that have been there for a long time. Wait here. Everything perfect. And they're standing behind you and they're shaking. They're petrified of her.
Please don't kill it because we want to be able to run against it. If they beat me with the Green New Deal, I deserve to lose.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: That's a good line.
GUTFELD: That's a great line. You know, Green New Deal is exactly the thing a child does in class in an arts and crafts, you know, project. It's, you know, a collage of rainbows and glitter. And it's something that deserves to be on the front of a refrigerator held by a magnet with love by your mom.
But that's not enough. That's not enough of a criticism. I think that Trump should also match their fantasy with reality and go, look, you know, I credit them for their lofty ambitions. But as a Republican -- businessman, I can solve this problem with clean, safe, nuclear power. And if you don't believe me, you'll believe Bill Gates -- not Ben, his brother, but Bill Gates who is pushing, you know, nuclear power.
So it's not some crazy right-winger. It's, you know, one of the richest liberals on the planet. I don't know if mentioning AOC is a wise decision because, you know, she's a problem for Dems the way Trump was a problem for Republicans. She just -- she just gets -- she gets the heat.
PERINO: It's like -- it fuels her.
GUTFELD: Yeah, it fuels her.
PERINO: Right. The more that you make fun of her, Jesse, the more it builds her up.
WATTERS: But there's strategy behind that because what he's doing is creating tension in the Democratic ranks --
WATTERS: -- by bruising the egos of all of the professional politicians by saying you're getting let around by these young --
WATTERS: -- idiotic bartender from the Bronx. And she doesn't know what she's talking about. And -- so that puts them in a tough position. But he's also sarcastically using reverse psychology. It's like, oh, wow, I can't wait to run against this Green New Deal. I don't want to hit it too hard because I don't want to kill the baby in the crib, but I'm not going to say anything but I'm licking my chops.
And that also humiliates the Democrats, because deep down even the Democrats know it's a political loser. And people don't give President Trump credit for his policy chops -- excuse me, for his political chops because governing has proven a little-bit more difficult. But on the campaign trail, he took out a Bush, took out a Clinton, was out-spent, and broke down the blue wall.
PERINO: Kennedy, do you think that the Green New Deal probably plays really well in district where you have big Democratic majorities, but not so much in the swing districts where Democrats just won to take back the House majority.
KENNEDY: Yes. I think it plays very well in the bubbles where there is a big cosmopolitan bias, in fact. And this is the first time the Republicans have actually been very passionate and very confident about capitalism. And the Green New Deal allowed them to reframe the discussion on capitalism in a very beneficial way.
For months and months, as we've slowly seen the Democrat Party turned more and more progressive, I've been wondering where are the Republicans, where are the champions of, you know, economic liberalism, and a solid economy, and small business, and entrepreneurship. Why aren't they fighting for those values. And they finally were able to do that with the Green New Deal and I think that's why the President doesn't want to let it go. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in response to the President said, the last guy who underestimated me lost and she's right about that.
But that was--
PERINO: I don't think you should underestimate - I think the problem for Democrats is they are overestimating her.
MONTGOMERY: Yes. And that's going to be--
PERINO: So, tomorrow night Juan, Bret Baer and Martha MacCallum are going to do this town hall with Howard Schultz, who's threatening the third party run against Democrats, while a third party run. But Democrats are worried about that. And then Bernie Sanders is going to also do Juan, I think April 15th in Detroit. How do you think that they might deal with the Green New Deal on a stage like that?
WILLIAMS: Well, I don't think there is any question. Almost all of them have endorsed the Green New Deal. And the reason is it's a winner. I love it though you guys laugh. I mean to me you know what's laughable - what's laughable is Trump last night saying, oh you know what, these wind turbines, the noise from them cause cancer. Really, Mr. President, wow. Wind turbines cause cancer. This is new.
GUTFELD: Sounds like a liberal.
WILLIAMS: No, I mean it's just wild wacky stuff that he says. And then of course, how condescending is the way I took it. This bartender wait a minute, this young woman is extraordinary brilliant just won her campaign is making inroads. She has no real power at the moment as a junior member. She's making inroads and you want to belittle her. I see where you're coming from. I mean it doesn't speak well of you, but it does say a lot about her.
But I will say again, the Green New Deal, if you look at the absence of discussion about climate change and global warming--
MONTGOMERY: The Green New Deal was not about climate change.
WILLIAMS: It doesn't have elements - it has elements of the--
MONTGOMERY: That was like a fifth thing darn on the list.
MONTGOMERY: UBI, free college, Medicare for all, that's within the Green New Deal. That's not a Green New Deal. That's Green New dog crap.
WILLIAMS: No. This is part of an effort to change our economic structure not only to address--
GUTFELD: Because it's terrible.
MONTGOMERY: And have it swirl down the toilet.
WILLIAMS: But to deal with--
MONTGOMERY: How do you pay for $93 trillion if that's a winner. That's a loser. You know what happens when the economy suffers, people die.
WILLIAMS: It's not going to suffer. In fact, what we see right now, the big push is in terms of jobs--
MONTGOMERY: So, we spent $700 million a year on the military--
WILLIAMS: Hang on. Let me just say.
MONTGOMERY: We just spent $93 billion over 10 years. $9 billion a year on this flight.
PERINO: We've got to run.
MONTGOMERY: That's a winner.
WILLIAMS: Keep shouting. In between you are shouting, allow me to say that- -
MONTGOMERY: You can say.
WILLIAMS: That what they're talking about is looking at this issue while Republicans and Trump refuse to talk about.
GUTFELD: But to Kennedy's point, this - expanding this. The Green New Deal is about upending the most efficient phenomenal economic system in the history of the world that somehow this is suffering.
WATTERS: We don't even need to argue. Don't even argue. You said, it's a winner.
WILLIAMS: You tell that to people right now. We can't afford $400.
PERINO: OK. “The Five” wants to be very clear. We always support our bartenders.
GUTFELD: Especially me.
PERINO: Excellent. Actresses, Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin in federal court today. The latest on the college admissions scandal. Ahead.
WILLIAMS: Actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin having their day in court today. The Hollywood celebrities in Boston to face charges in the college admissions cheating scandal. They were not asked to enter a plea. Loughlin and her husband accused of paying $500,000 to help their two daughters get into the University of Southern California. And the Fed say Huffman paid $15,000 to rig her daughter's college entrance exam. Kennedy, what do you think, did your parents have to help you out?
MONTGOMERY: Absolutely not. No. I went to community college for two years and then I got a scholarship to UCLA. Because I did for a while and worked real hard. And I didn't even apply to USC because it's a horrible school. It's interesting because Lori Loughlin's daughter Olivia Jade, she got both of them in there by paying $0.5 million to fake their way on to the women's crew team. How horrible is that Trojan crew team, if they're letting just Internet dumb dumbs on is like fake rowers.
Anyhow, Olivia Jade blames her parents for ruining her life, because she has lost all of these lucrative endorsements. She was a YouTube star and had various companies from Amazon to Sephora giving her a lot of money to be like my teeth look so great, because I use this and go Trojans. I like to party, and I hate college. And now she's mad at her parents because she never wanted to go, and they forced her into it. And it's a bad system and a lot of parents do it. Her parents just found a different, very dishonest unethical way.
WILLIAMS: Hey Jesse, we're talking about two people with Hollywood connections, kind of the Hollywood elite. But I noticed that in the list of people there are guys who are hedge fund magnates, big company CEOs. It looks to me like the rich and powerful have been gaming the system. And I don't want that to get lost in this.
WATTERS: It hasn't been lost. I think everybody recognizes that and it's going to be interesting to see who can buy their way out of this. Is it going to be the connected Hollywood people or is it going to be the wealthy hedge fund people? And we don't know, because Hollywood works like that to a certain extent. There is going to be a lot of favors called in. But we don't know if the prosecutors are going to want to make an example out of these people.
Are they going to be influenced by their bosses or is the judge going to feel any political pressure or are they going to say, you know what we're going to throw the book at them? We're going to ask for jail time even in a plea deal. They could still insist on jail time. I don't know if they're going to get it, but if they do get jail time, the only way to solve this is right now. You called Bravo. You call Andy Cohen and you say; I want all the cameras to follow me from now until sentencing, make it a reality show, you'll recoup the cash, she can. The little girl, she can rebound, advertisers always come back. Right, Kennedy.
MONTGOMERY: That's absolutely right.
WATTERS: So, they'll be back. And then that way everybody wins.
WILLIAMS: That's an interesting one. Dana it's a little bit of a sensitive question for you on this.
MONTGOMERY: Michael Cohen.
WILLIAMS: Which is that--
MONTGOMERY: Broken reputations.
WILLIAMS: A lot of disabled people are now saying you know what, we're getting run over in this, because we have legitimate disabilities and either need for more time for test or in terms of the requirements to get into college. And now we're being treated as if we're--
PERINO: This always happens. It happens when people cheat the system.
GUTFELD: Therapy pets.
PERINO: I was just going to say that because you have made a great point that people who cheat on the service dog thing, I've heard people that really have a problem--
WATTERS: I don't see how if for instance someone cheated on a service dog thing how that would affect other people service dogs.
PERINO: Well, we'll have to see. I also want to point this out that financial crimes, you don't necessarily get to pay your way out, because this is not punishment.
WATTERS: Right. This is a tax fraud problem.
PERINO: Yes. Because it's not punishment, right.
MONTGOMERY: That's a really good point.
PERINO: Right. Paying a fine. It's like Smollett.
PERINO: I'll forfeit 10 grands because - that's not even punishment for him. It's like us losing $100 on the street. So, the other point I would make is, it feels like we are living in a modern Great Gatsby era. And a collision is coming. You want to know why the populist fever in the country isn't breaking, it's because people that are really wealthy continue to do stuff like that that hurt people who actually need extra time on tests or a dog to take them on a plane so that they can get through the experience.
WILLIAMS: Yes. I think again what this comes back to is you know rising income inequality and the rich living by a different set of standards.
GUTFELD: That's not what it is.
PERINO: That's not my point.
GUTFELD: That's not what it is.
WILLIAMS: I think it's the point.
PERINO: Help me.
GUTFELD: You know that story about scholarships for rowing, fake crews. This is the lesson. When your kid comes to you and says, I don't want to go to college. I want to make money on Instagram. Listen to him.
GUTFELD: All right.
PERINO: Let him do it.
GUTFELD: Listen to him. You are now living in a time when kids can actually make money or do different things. They don't have to go to college. There is so many different things that you can do in this world. You could join the army. I would do it, but I'm 54. But the thing is, I think that Peter Thiel for example offered this internship program would pay kids 100 grand not to go to college. And I think that this is you know - when your kid doesn't want to go to college and wants to start their own business, listen to them, I wish there were more of them.
WILLIAMS: And you know how I feel. I think it's a great credentialing especially for minority people.
GUTFELD: I would agree with you that minorities need it, right.
WILLIAMS: I think even middle-class kids because a lot of people say you know professionals--
GUTFELD: They don't appreciate it.
WILLIAMS: Nobody can argue income. Income for people with college degrees is much higher than people with high school or--
MONTGOMERY: Well, don't discount the ability to educate yourself.
WILLIAMS: No, I wouldn't do that. I think life is an education.
MONTGOMERY: The power of reading and figuring out what you're passionate about, you can be an autodidact and do--
PERINO: Not to mention watching “The Five.”
GUTFELD: I do a lot of things.
WILLIAMS: That's what I think you should do, watch “The Five.” Adults being swaddled like babies. Come on. A new fitness trend drinking pickle juice. Come on. And Helen Mirren cursing out Netflix. Come on. Times three. These stories, up next in the Fastest Seven with Jesse.
MONTGOMERY: Woo, that is. Welcome back. Time for the Fastest Seven. First up, adults swaddling, apparently all the rage. Who knows? Maybe if you're super stressed, this bizarre new trend will help you relax. The technique is supposed to help grownups relax and even reduce their pain by wrapping them up tightly in sheets like babies and then they're gently rocked back and forth on top of cushions. Greg, you look very envious of this.
GUTFELD: That's the step first step of the process. The second step is throwing them into a river, because that is dumb. I mean if they would think of it like - these are things that if you did on your own by yourself, people would think you're insane but because you're paying for it, now it's an actual trend.
MONTGOMERY: It looks like the Gimp from Pulp.
PERINO: I thought it was an April Fool's joke. I think I first saw on this on Monday and like surely this isn't true.
MONTGOMERY: We were on to something; we need to have April's Fools week.
GUTFELD: So sad.
MONTGOMERY: Yes, Jesse.
WATTERS: No one is having sex in Japan. Birth rates are way down.
MONTGOMERY: They are depopulating.
WATTERS: Young Japanese are - I think half of them are virgins. I looked it up today. And this is the reason why and for - this is both reasons why.
GUTFELD: Because they're trapped inside sheets.
WATTERS: Yes, this is the solution and the problem.
MONTGOMERY: They're trying. It doesn't feel right. Juan?
WILLIAMS: But there is a big deal now that something serious in this country which is heavy covers on your bed that there is--
WATTERS: It's duvet Juan.
WILLIAMS: Duvet whatever. The rich have a different pronunciation.
WATTERS: Income inequality.
WILLIAMS: But I like heavy covers, but I think this looks ridiculous. This looks a little bizarre.
MONTGOMERY: Swaddling helps for babies because they're babies because they're so new they need to feel like they--
WILLIAMS: But don't you like heavy covers. Don't you like heavy covers. They make you feel good.
MONTGOMERY: Yes, I like heavy covers and heavy lovers, Juan. All right. Well, up next forget about sports drinks or protein shakes, fitness fanatics are turning to a different option to quench their thirst, pickle juice. Yes, pickle juice. Believe it or not, the briny beverage is becoming a popular post workout trend. Watch.
GUTFELD: Stop it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: After running like sometimes especially in the summer you're just really thirsty and water doesn't quite do it, the salt in its kind of does rehydrating.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: People drink it for hydration as well as to decrease muscle cramping. But the other thing that people drink it for is the probiotic benefit of it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MONTGOMERY: Pickle juice is fantastic.
PERINO: I don't work out enough to need this.
GUTFELD: The worst part about it is that bothers me is when they make health claims. It's like OK number one you don't have to buy this, if you have pickles, it's the other stuff in the damn jar.
You don't have to pay for it. But it also - making these health claims about probiotics. Save it.
MONTGOMERY: No. But that's why people have been drinking apple cider vinegar for a while.
PERINO: It's not that bad actually.
MONTGOMERY: No, it's very good, it purifies the blood.
GUTFELD: You're going to have pickle breath.
MONTGOMERY: Lot of salt. Pickle backs are quite common in bars. You drink a shot of Jameson allegedly, I'm told Alison, our stage manager and I might have had one last Thursday.
WATTERS: Yes, this is a chaser, it's not Gatorade.
WILLIAMS: But you know, in fact, that's a good point, because you could just drink Gatorade or coconut juice for the electrolytes, for the potassium. I mean I think that's what people do. Now I must tell you, I grew up in a household filled with this, because boxers use it to toughen their skin. Their hands.
PERINO: I need that.
WILLIAMS: You know what I like, I like olive juice, which is equally salty in a martini.
MONTGOMERY: That is delicious.
WILLIAMS: It's dirty.
MONTGOMERY: Yes. The dirtier the better. I like my martinis like I like my jokes, Juan. Finally, Netflix probably wants actress Helen Mirren to jail. The Oscar winner becoming the latest star to slam the streaming giant. She reportedly told the crowd of movie theater owners quote, "I love Netflix, but F Netflix. There is nothing like sitting in the cinema and the lights go down. I would like to thank you guys for making that environment possible."
PERINO: And while I do that at home. I don't need that. I hadn't been in the theater in maybe 15 years.
MONTGOMERY: That's why we have fights on Black Friday so people can turn their own homes into movie theaters and get these giant TV's for less money.
WATTERS: I just appreciate well-timed profanity from really sophisticated people.
GUTFELD: I'm just glad that we're doing the latest Helen Mirren news on THE FIVE. Tomorrow, we'll be covering Benedict Cumberbatch his take on his tailor.
PERINO: That'll be good.
MONTGOMERY: It's very, very edgy. Helen Mirren obviously needs a little bit of pickle juice.
PERINO: I like how the camera keeps picking me up drinking that. I'm going to set it back.
WATTERS: Yes. Put it down.
WILLIAMS: You mean you guys know it; you know what--
MONTGOMERY: One More Thing.
WILLIAMS: If you go to an old-time movie theater like the Uptown in D.C.
PERINO: The kind Fred Willard got caught up.
MONTGOMERY: Oh! Boy.
WILLIAMS: But you know old time movie theaters are pretty cool.
PERINO: They certainly are. And action movies, great to see.
PERINO: Big theater.
WILLIAMS: A Dolby sound.
PERINO: Yes, I'm a fan of all of it. He blinded me with science. One More Thing is up next.
WATTERS: Time now for One More Thing, Juan.
WILLIAMS: So, how about a random act of kindness. Take a look at this video of two-year-old Cillian Jackson. Yes, he was given that fancy wheelchair by robotic students at Farmington High School in Minnesota. Cillian has a genetic condition similar to cerebral palsy. His parents couldn't afford a $20,000 wheelchair. Insurance wouldn't pay for it. So, his dad asked students at his former high school for help and using a power wheels writing toy bicycle parts and advice from the University of Delaware, they built that chariot in just a few weeks.
The high schoolers said they were thrilled to change that little boy's life. To me that's a genuine act of kindness.
WATTERS: All right. Greg.
GUTFELD: All right. Fox Nation, I've got a behind the scenes episode, what makes The Greg Gutfeld Show run, Gabby Valenti (ph), my assistant, Nor Torpi (ph), my booker and Gene Nelson (ph) one of my producers and we talk about how to put together a show. This is why you come to Fox Nation All the background, dirty stuff.
MONTGOMERY: You've got a new picture too.
GUTFELD: And my podcast is amazing. Go to foxnewspodcast.com. I interview the legend Jennifer Herrema, the lead singer from Royal Trux. Her band Black Bananas is just an interesting person. Check it out. Now it's time for this. Animals Are Great. Of course, they are.
I only do this to watch the souls of my panelists die when they hear that song. I just look at your faces and you just want to kill yourselves when you hear that song. But then you get happy when you see this little turtle trying watermelon for the first time. Never had watermelon. That is like - can you imagine what's going on in that little brain right now. Like what is this glorious--
PERINO: Like I'm 150 years old and never had watermelon.
GUTFELD: All right, I'm stopping.
WATTERS: Three One More Things. I think you should choose for four as well. Dana Perino.
PERINO: All right. So, you know I met my husband on an airplane. This young woman. Her name is Jamaica Alfiler (ph). I'm sorry. Make sure I get that right. She's 21 years old. She thinks she met her soulmate on a plane. They were sitting next to each other. He helped her with her luggage, her seat. He offered her his blanket, but she didn't get his contact information. This was a Lufthansa flight from Frankfurt to Seattle over the weekend. She's now trying to find him and she's enlisting help on Facebook and other places to see if we can find--
GUTFELD: Scam. This is a private detective. That's a great move on her part.
PERINO: Anyway, I hope that she finds him. And he is single.
WATTERS: If AOC has her way, no one will fall in love in planes anymore. Sorry. Never would have happened. All right, my One More Thing. Crazy Hungarians walking silly. Watch this. This takes place in Budapest. I thought they were drunk. Apparently, they're not drunk. Then I thought they were weird, they're not weird. They're actually inspired by Amani Playhouse (ph) singing.
PERINO: Yes. Don't you know that one?
GUTFELD: The league of Silly Walks.
WATTERS: That was - very good. Ministry of Silly Walks.
GUTFELD: We all know this but you.
WATTERS: It was a little before my time. That money.
WILLIAMS: That's true.
GUTFELD: Not your haircut.
WILLIAMS: No, Kennedy.
WATTERS: OK, Kennedy.
MONTGOMERY: Yes. Are you ready for a twerking barren heat?
MONTGOMERY: Here you go. She's feeling it. That's right. Has taken the web by storm. She is an actress. She's looking for a mate and she has some special feelings.
GUTFELD: This happens. This video has actually been sped out. She wasn't moving that fast when we speed it up. It's definitely more than that that is much better.
PERINO: Animals are great.
WATTERS: Fake news everybody.
WILLIAMS: I think that's Donna Summers.
WATTERS: All right. Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of “The Five.”
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