This is a rush transcript of "The Five" on January 4, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Hi, I'm Greg Gutfeld along with Jesse Watters, Judge Jeanine Pirro, Geraldo Rivera, and nail fire is her surf board, Dana Perino, THE FIVE.

I did? I should had said nail file. President Biden finally facing the music and addressing the American people over his COVID mess. New infections in the country shattering the single day record with more than 1 million cases. Biden's big speech was a broken record of his greatest hits with tired narratives like this.


JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA: If you're vaccinated and boosted you are highly protected. You know, be concerned about omicron, but don't be alarmed. But if you're unvaccinated you have some reason as to be alarmed. There is no excuse, no excuse for anyone being unvaccinated. This continues to be a pandemic of the unvaccinated. If you are vaccinated and boosted, you may get COVID, but you are highly protected against severe illness.


GUTFELD: No excuse. The president not spending nearly as much time on his testing failure. People forced to wait hours in line and can't get at home tests. But Biden claims he's making progress.


BIDEN: I know this remains frustrating, believe me. It's frustrating to me. But we are making improvements. With more capacity for in-person tests we should see waiting lines shortened and more appointments freed up. Google COVID test near me to find the nearest site where you can get a test most often and free.


GUTFELD: That's our president. And as far as the test Biden wants to send American, the White House says it hasn't even finalized the contracts to buy them. And once they do get the tests, Americans can go to a yet to be built government website to get them because we know those work so well.

So, Dana, we were promised a winter of death, and now we have a winter of failure, a winter of incompetence. This guy had every opportunity to fast- track rapid testing and decided not to, and now we are stuck with this.

DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST: Well, even during the Trump administration testing was not great and that was admitted by the Trump administration itself. So, the Biden administration had ample warning about that. What really makes me mad is when they said that they had no idea that omicron was going to be this way. Like, you learned this in biology school but also -- in biology class, but we also knew this because of what we had seen with delta.


PERINO: So it was coming, and now you have people standing in line for three hours and the president says he knows that it's frustrating and it's frustrating to him too. He's not sitting outside for three hours waiting for tests. And we're depleting our small supply of tests by testing everybody who don't even need a test.

The other thing that I'm going to take exception to is when he said that this is a pandemic of the unvaccinated. Now, I am vaccinated. I'm glad I am because I do feel protected from serious illness or hospitalization or even death. That said, I have two vaccines. I was boosted. I also got a flu shot. And I spent the whole entire week of Christmas sick as can be after getting two negative rapid test, one positive test and then a negative test in order to come back to work.

This is no longer just about the unvaccinated. We're all suffering from it. People in this building, across the country, have skeletal staffs because people have to isolate for 10 days. Then the CDC says well actually we'll make it five. Oh, but wait, you might have to have a negative test. Great. Where are we going to get the test?

We have a serious communications problem. The Center for Disease Control is completely losing it with the American public. There's no credibility there. Just when you might need it most, at this point, you cannot continue to divide the vaccinated from the unvaccinated when it comes to omicron because everybody can spread it. If you're vaccinated, if you're not vaccinated.

So we need to be smart, do things like washing your hands. Even things like for example in Japan, there have a very good culture of making sure if they're sick they're very protective of the vulnerable. We can adopt things like that, but you cannot say that this is just a pandemic of the unvaccinated anymore. It is affecting all of us.

GUTFELD: No, it's true. Dana, I think you just spoke for the soul of America that everybody is so fed up that we've realized our leaders aren't leading. It's time for -- it's time for America to say this is officially going to be over. Geraldo, you've been -- I think you've been holed up for some time. How are you doing?

GERALDO RIVERA, FOX NEWS HOST: I have. I have. I'm in my basement cave by Greg where I've been basically living. You know, I am -- I am vaccinated to Moderna shots, then boosted with the Pfizer booster. You know, I thought for sure that I was immune. I've been very hard on the unvaccinated as Dana suggests.

I eat some humble pie in that regard because I went to Key West, Florida with my family on vacation and guess what. I came back with a scratchy throat. I insisted I didn't need a test because I was vaccinated and boosted. Then, Erica my wife insisted. So, a couple of days by the time we finally got the appointment I take the test. Erica's negative and I am positive.

It was shocking to me. It was in some ways embarrassing. I didn't quite know how to respond to it. So I did what I usually do. I went on twitter, but yes. You know, it's very frustrating. I think that to spare the president undue criticism, I think that what he should really be criticized for is the ruthless treatment of Donald Trump by Joe Biden regarding testing. You know, Trump had problems with testing but nothing of the colossal order of this magnitude.


RIVERA: This is really, you know, I don't know anybody now whose families are untouched by this.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. And, you know, Jesse, you have been a true warrior in this -- in this ugly pandemic. I heard from people that you actually went out and got your own lunch on your own. You picked up a salad and, I mean, that's like -- it's kind of -- people don't understand what that means when Jesse goes and gets his own lunch. That means somebody is suffering.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes, man, right. Dana, we talk about a skeletal staff.


WATTERS: I already had a skeletal staff.


WATTERS: Now my staff is me.

GUTFELD: Yes. But you're making it through like a real hero. Are you happy and excited over a new government website that's going to solve all this?

WATTERS: Yes, and if I need a test I'll just Google it, Greg. Imagine if Donald Trump told people to Google it, where to get a test with lines around the block. Here's the good news, Greg. I went to the gym today. It's about 6:30 in the morning. I'm keeping my New Year's resolution. I'm waking up early, Dana. And I stroll into the gym in my building and the guy who's on the board of the building was doing the elliptical.

And he turns to me and he says, "Where's your mask?" I said, wait, we're doing the mask thing again? He says, "Yes, we sent out an e-mail to everybody in the building." I said they always go to junk.


WATTERS: And I said, okay, you really want me to go get a mask, go get a mask, walk upstairs, put the mask on, do a high intensity workout with a mask, extremely challenging, Greg. And then as I'm leaving I said to this guy -- he's an oncologist. He's a real big shot. And he looks at me and he says I'm sorry to have to ask you to do that, but I'm a doctor and I can't risk getting the cron because if I get the cron I have to leave the hospital for 10 days --

PERINO: Right.

WATTERS: -- and we're already short staff. I can't take the risk. I said, Doc, how much longer is this going to last? He says, "The good news is, I think this is going to be over in about a month. There's going to be so much immunity pushed through the population that it's just going to decelerate the virus."

I said, where have I heard that before? So not only has Greg Gutfeld told me it's over in a month, this really intelligent doctor who's my neighbor because I live in a really nice building, told me the same thing. But I had to confirm. So I looked at history and I saw the last two pandemics, Spanish flu, Asian flu, they both lasted three years and they both contained three to four waves.

Now, Greg, we're in the third year and we are on the fourth wave. So, if history is any guide, we're going to get rid of this nasty beast pretty soon. I just don't know why Joe Biden didn't know that because he has literally been around for a hundred years. He should have managed our expectations better.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. You know judge, it's kind of an interesting -- obviously, a highly stressful time and, you know, we're living in pestilence and yet generally, experiences like that create big leaders. And in this case, if you look at the Democratic Party, no one has actually stepped up to lead. Usually in times of war or pestilence or economic downturns, there's somebody that comes up, rises up, and we've not seen it at least from the Democrats.

JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS HOST: Because there's no one. There was absolutely no one. Listen, you know, when I heard that Joe Biden was going to have a press conference today, I said to myself, Jeanine, what do you think the chances are that he's going to say you got to get vaccinated, you got to get boosted, and you have to wear a mask?

Nothing that this said -- that the president said during this press conference made anything any clearer. In fact, it made things less clear. Now what we know is that you have to stay quarantined for 10 days unless somebody decided it should be five days. And it used to be you had to test yourself to be able to come out of quarantine. Now they're saying don't test yourself because a PCR test is going to say that you're positive for the next 12 weeks.

And if you want to test yourself for the rapid test, you can't get one. Even if you Google it you can't get one anyway. And the government hasn't decided when they're going to get them to give them to us. And even Joe Biden says, you know, if you're working starting next week if you have insurance you can submit to insurance and get money back for a test. I mean, there is nothing more frustrating than hearing the same thing over and over again.

This is just a repeat. The bottom line is this, omicron is not deadly. It certainly not as deadly as delta or COVID-19. What we've got to start doing is recognizing we're going to have herd immunity. We're coming out of the holidays and that's where we're going now. It's got to come to an end. And we've got to learn to live with it and that's the end of it. I'm tired of hearing about it.

GUTFELD: I think we could be grateful for one thing with omicron. Probably the greatest pandemic ever because it got Geraldo to eat humble pie.

RIVERA: Go vaccinated though. Get vaccinated.

GUTFELD: All right. Up next, liberal lockdown policies having a devastating impact on an entire generation of kids.


PIRRO: Liberal lockdown policies destroying the future for America's children and it's so bad even "The New York Times" is noticing. Kids are starting the New Year in crisis thanks to a year of pandemic related social isolation. Mental health is getting worse for teens with a dramatic increase in emergency department visits.

Suicide attempts are sharply up among adolescent girls rising by 51 percent since 2019. Gun violence against children has increased in places like Chicago, and there's an uptick in disruptive behavior. All that is on top of the major loss in learning from students not being in classrooms.

President Biden saying today that he wants to keep schools open. All right. All right. Then let's talk guys about this crisis. We knew during the Trump administration that kids were suffering, but why have we been so willing to allow our kids to suffer and disregard the damage to them knowing that this was inevitable. I'll go to you, Greg.

GUTFELD: Well, I mean, there's like -- there's -- we should come up with a phrase called THE FIVE reality lag because we've been -- it's -- it's the time between when we sound some alarm and when the res -- and when the legacy media finally goes, oh, yeah, that is a problem. This is what's been going on with COVID since, I don't know, almost two years.

And then if you look at the crime -- at the crime issue, which we've been talking about and then there's this reality lag. There's some obvious truths here. If there's a lack of coherent structure in life that makes life less appealing. If you -- if you're -- if you've got nothing to do, life becomes nothing and that's what I think you have -- you're seeing a lot with kids who need structure in their lives.

They don't just need a goal, they need a system because sometimes you can't meet the goals during, you know, pandemic. And then you have their leading comorbidity, you know, 60 percent of kids that are in hospitals are clinically obese due to COVID, in a hospital because of COVID are also clinically obese. That was a new stat. And it's like our country is run by Tony the Tiger. Like all this sugar and all these carbs, we actually have to face this.

We have to have a reckoning with our diet because I think the pandemic has shined a light on a lot of these stressed areas of our civilization, mental health, fitness, and diet, and we're finding out where our weak spots are. It's definitely our diet.

PIRRO: Well, there's no question. And Dana, you work out all the time and you know, what we've got are young people who are simply not working out in addition to all of the other harms. I mean, how do we make up for not just the academic loss, but the kids who are suffering from, you know, not just the suicide attempts, but depression, anxiety, isolation, panic, all of the emotions that these kids are now experiencing. How do we make up for that?

PERINO: Well, not only that, but we have robbed them of some serious academic achievement and accomplishments and they know, these kids know that they're going to have to compete against the world and that their competitors like the Chinese for example are way ahead of them in terms of some of the big career choices that they'll have to make in the future like STEM classes, science technology and math.

The other thing is Free to Learn, this is an education group just put out a poll that said that 55 percent of parents said that virtual learning has had a negative impact on their child's academic performance. Sixty percent said that it had a negative impact on their children's health. So, we all know that this is happening. What the government is supposed to do and we're talking about leadership in the A block, instead of following THE FIVE several months later, you lead by doing risk analysis and Greg's talked about this a lot as well. So you do a cost benefit analysis.

There's a whole office at -- and the Office of Management and Budget, within the executive office of the president that -- basically, that's all they do. For example, they want to raise mileage standards for cars, fine. But you have to weigh the risks of possibly making the cars lighter which could lead to more accidents, more accidents leading to more deaths.

PIRRO: Right.

PERINO: And you do the calculations and you figure it out and as rational people, we move forward. We now have tons of information. This isn't January of 2020. Schools do not need to be shut down.

PIRRO: Right.

PERINO: Kids don't need to be wearing masks. That was in "The Atlantic." Talk about the legacy media. Here you have David Leonhardt of "The New York Times" who is finally -- I shouldn't say finally. He's been very good on this issue all along. The great thing is that once he says it, unlike when THE FIVE says it, once he says it then you'll see it repeated on tomorrow morning's MSNBC talk show.

PIRRO: Well, Jesse, what about the fact that, you know, are these kids going to be considered like that lost two or three year group in terms of, you know, going forward? I mean, are people going to look back and say, you know what, they can't do as well academically or they're not doing as well sports-wise, socially, because they're a part of the pandemic suppressed group of kids?

WATTERS: They'll be stunted and they'll have a lot more obstacles to overcome than a lot of other students at the same age.


WATTERS: This country talks such a big game about, you know, judge, put the children first. It's all about the kids. How often do we hear that? It's all talk because the minute that there was a little risk that little Johnny could come home from middle school with something and sneeze on mom and dad, oh my god, panic. We're just going to derail this kid's childhood for maybe the rest of his life.

I don't want to downplay COVID-19, but other adults and other generations, judge, went off to war in the Pacific, in Europe to save their own children from communism, totalitarianism. But what did this generation do? As soon as something came along that had a 99 percent chance of survivability, they shut everything down.

And all of a sudden the media woke up to what we've been saying for at least a year and a half. Where have they been? They know this hurts the children but they waited. And we know why they waited because it was a political move to wait. Now, it's important to reopen. Now they care about the kids. They didn't care about the kids when Trump was president.

PIRRO: Well, it's also an election year, but Geraldo, it brings me back to the first question. Why were we so willing to sacrifice the kids for the benefit of some of the adults, the teachers in particular?

RIVERA: Because we were scared to death. I think that it's easy now to look back and say, oh, we shouldn't have been as scared as we were. I remember a year ago, I just now tested positive 10 days ago. A year ago, exactly a year ago, my beloved nephew, Bob Reed (ph) died of this disease. He was 60-years-old, of two beautiful children, Casey (ph) and Tyler (ph). Beautiful wife, Michelle. He died.

So, the deep concern we have it was not ill-founded, you know. Now, the omicron is a whole different ballgame, but wait. Let me just finish this. The gun violence, I live in Cleveland. We have a terrible rate of murder with kids and guns and every big city, you see what's happened across the country, cities across the country.

When you take away the public school, the only structure these children have and you have all these guns in their pockets, what they do is they go out and they act out and it's just horrible. And the final thing I want to say is that I'm very concerned about exercise deprivation and, you know, the depression that comes with isolation, as the father of three girls.

You know, these are real, real issues that we have to address and I deplore the fact that there's two sides. There should be one side on how to approach this.

PIRRO: Okay.

RIVERA: And Greg's right about obesity.

PIRRO: Yes, he is. But, you know, in the end you've got the UFT, you've got the teachers who are still fighting to not go back and that doesn't in any way take away from what happened a year or two years ago. Next, hell on the highway. People stuck for almost 24 hours in the freezing cold.


RIVERA: An absolute nightmare unfolded on Virginia's I-95 last night and today hundreds of drivers, many hundreds stranded on the interstate in freezing cold, trapped for almost 24 hours with no way out after the region was slammed with a major snow storm and a tractor-trailer pileup shut down the always busy highway.

A desperate situation for many folks running out of essentials, gas, food, water, some saving themselves, get this, by ordering DoorDash. Rescue efforts underway all day today. Stranded passengers struggling desperately to get by.


UNKNOWN: People, they don't have no water, no food. They've been there for more than 24 hours sitting there. So, hopefully they get -- they get this thing moving.

UNKNOWN: It's freezing out here. It's freezing out here and there's total stand still. You're trying to stay warm, but you're running out of gas.


RIVERA: God bless the truck drivers because Virginia certainly didn't help much. And now comes the inevitable blame game. Some liberals on social media actually blaming Virginia's Republican governor-elect Glenn Youngkin for the ongoing humanitarian crisis now. But Youngkin hasn't even been sworn in yet. That happens on the 15th.

So, Dana, listen to this one from Rufus (ph) -- Glenn Youngkin is hard at work trying to get rid of critical race theory out of Virginia schools. Who gives a damn about a few thousand people freezing to death on I-95? So they're blaming the Republican who hasn't taken office and won't until the 15th of January.

PERINO: Well, Rufus (ph) is a doofus. I mean, this is --


PERINO: -- obviously, not any one particular person's problem, but when you have this many people on the road for that long, we talked to a truck driver this morning. Her name is Emily Clemenson (ph). She's been on the -- she'd been out there for like 18 hours or something. And she was noticing on twitter people didn't have food and water so she's reaching out to everybody on twitter saying check with the truck drivers because we always have extra.

And she -- we asked her at 9:30 in the morning, do you see any signs that the government is doing anything at the state level to help? She said there was nothing on the emergency channel on the CB radio, haven't seen anything. There was nothing. So. Governor Northam is probably counting the days until this is no longer his job, not Youngkin's yet.

I want to point out one thing that I do not believe has been said yet. I talked to a state legislator there in Virginia. And he pointed out to me that in the last several years, many on the left made the decision that local sheriff should not be allowed to have military-grade equipment, right, because they said that that was a bad symbol, and that it was too militaristic and authoritarian.

But imagine if they were still allowed to have the equipment that they had just a few years ago. It probably would have come in very helpful today.

RIVERA: I agree with that. I don't know where Northam was, but he certainly was no dynamo, Greg. He was -- I mean, I can -- I can envision an activist governor getting into snowmobile, you know, towing, hot cocoa to people. The truck drivers are saying there was nothing between 1:00 in the morning and 7:30 in the morning. There was not a single emergency vehicle on the road and these -- with these stranded people, Greg.

GUTFELD: I'm shocked he wasn't there because he's such a fan of the color white.

PIRRO: Oh, got that.

GUTFELD: Yes. This is my --

RIVERA: That's a real stretch, though. That was a real stretch. He's referring to the black face memory?

PIRRO: Yes. Well, he said --

GUTFELD: We don't know he was in blackface. He could have been in the KKK hood. We never got closer on that Geraldo. And frankly, I think we should find that out. Everybody's also talking about the vice president candidate. What's his name, Tim Kaine?


GUTFELD: Stuck in the car for 20 hours. People feel bad for him.

RIVERA: 20 hours, yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, I feel bad for the people that were in the car with him. That's a nightmare. This is a nightmare. Season travelers know this. If you're going anyplace further out than comfortable walking distance, you got to have a lot of crap in your trunk. I always have a wool blanket, a case of water. I got some old sweaters, coats and protein bars.

And very important, if you have a pet, make sure it's a pet you can eat in case it comes down to that --

PIRRO: Oh, stop that.

GUTFELD: Because you don't want the reverse. You don't want the pet to eat you. You are in control of the situation. Eat the pets.

PERINO: You also need children's Tylenol.


PIRRO: Yes, right, Jesse.

WATTERS: OK. Let's not make that a thing.

RIVERA: Jesse, where did they go to the bathroom, Jesse?

WATTERS: They made some yellow snow, Geraldo. What do I care? Here's the deal. You can't rely on the government to save you. If you're waiting around and that's your plan for the government to rescue you from a snowstorm, you need a new plan.

The government doesn't have like, you know, an Olympic and cross country ski team or that they're going to have like a department of toboggans to come out with those Arctic dogs with, you know, that miniature like barrel with the warm red liquid medicine that drips out? No, like --

PERINO: Two different kinds of dogs.

WATTERS: Glenn Youngkin wouldn't have done any better. I mean, what is he going to do, give everybody one of his vests? They have problems plowing snow, Geraldo, in Massachusetts. This is Virginia. They are up against the wall. They couldn't even say the Virginia senator --

RIVERA: Massachusetts -- yes, right. Massachusetts is a lot better than Virginia. So, Judge --

WATTERS: Geraldo, you don't think the Virginia senator made a few calls? If they can't save a senator in Virginia, how are they going to save the country from global warming?

RIVERA: Yes. Good point. So, where's Republican Governor Youngkin in the I- 95 mega-disaster, 48 miles shut down for hours and hours in Virginia. He's nowhere to be found, Governor Youngkin. This never happened on the Democratic Governor Northam or any other governor for that matter. Shame. So, Judge, they have no clue. Social media has no clue.

PIRRO: Well, first of all, you know -- first of all -- it is funny. I'm from upstate New York. I mean, I'm used to the cold. You always have stuff in your car. But you know, what's not funny? People in the freezing cold running out of gas with no food, clearly getting sick, and Governor Northam who's, you know, should have been thrown out if the rules were equal for everyone else who's not doing anything.

And I don't believe for one second that there's nothing they can do. I mean, they've got helicopters. They should have been coming out with food. They should have been there for kids, whether it's a pregnant woman, whatever. And the -- and the voters and the taxpayers --

RIVERA: He should have been the point person.

PIRRO: Wait a minute. They should have been -- they should be infuriated. We have a right to expect our government to come through in emergencies like this. They knew that this should have been closed. I-95 should have been closed. There wouldn't have been these Jackknife semi-trailers and all the other problems that caused this. And it's their fault.

RIVERA: Up next, up next, Judge, President Biden getting slammed as clueless for what he just said about inflation, soaring prices, and big meat.


WATTERS: President Biden beefing with big meat companies in yet another pathetic attempt to deflect from his flailing presidency and skyrocketing inflation. The president aims to reduce soaring meat prices with, get this, more government regulations and more federal spending.

And Biden proving he's completely clueless when it comes to issues Americans are facing.


JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I was sitting in my kitchen yesterday and there's a sunroom off the kitchen. And my wife was there with her sister and a good friend named Marianne. And she was saying, do you realize it's over $5.00 for a pound of hamburger meat? $5.00?

Well, this is partly -- you know, the pound of beef today cost five bucks compared to less than four bucks before the pandemic. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Capitalism without competition isn't capitalism. It's exploitation.


WATTERS: Geraldo, you can tell he's getting a little up there in age when he's like adding irrelevant facts to the story. There was a sunroom off to the window and --

RIVERA: It was yellow. I remember it well.

WATTERS: Yes, I thought Marianne, she was a friend -- she was a friend of Peters who we know from tennis.

GUTFELD: But Jesse, big meat and the lack of competition and monopoly is real. I mean, you got like three or four -- there's a big federal lawsuit, antitrust lawsuit in federal court in Minnesota going on right now. They're screwing the ranchers, the big meat processors. They're paying less for cattle than they used to. And they're demanding more money from the grocers, which means from the rest of us.

So, I think breaking up these monopolies is a good idea. And if it costs a couple of bucks, I'm still all for it.

WATTERS: Yes, break up that meat monopoly but leave Silicon Valley alone. Dana, I believe these big four meat producers had been around for 30 years. But now they've decided to collude, right? Now, just to screw the little guy with Joe Biden at the helm.

PERINO: Well, let's defend the farmers and ranchers because to your point, Jesse -- I'm sorry to say to your point -- this has been a problem for a long time, and it's been growing. And you have a cattle rancher, for example, will take care of that cow for over a year, OK. He takes it to market. He doesn't get to set the price. They set the price, right?

So, let's say they give him $2 a pound. The meatpacker has that cow for about four weeks, five weeks, then it goes on to sell it for so much more. And then when you pay $52 for a steak at your local favorite restaurant here, Jesse, because I know you're such a big spender.

WATTERS: At least.

PERINO: The cattle rancher has only gotten $2 per pound for a cow that he raised for a year. There's been a problem a long time coming. I don't think that -- the inflation certainly doesn't help. And I understand that the Biden administration is trying to just focus on this one right now.

I'm not against them trying to figure out a way to have more competition amongst meatpacking, especially if they're going to help smaller meatpackers to try to compete. But to just say that this all of a sudden happened, that's not true.

WATTERS: Yes. And Jeanine, there's got to be other things going into the cost to beef. You have, you know, feed prices, you have transportation costs, fuel costs, labor shortages. It all adds up.

PIRRO: All that -- all that stuff. And, you know, Dana is so right. There is so much that goes into ranching. I mean, people don't -- Biden obviously doesn't understand that. But the ranchers are really subject to the mercies of whatever is going on in the market. And we talked about this about a month or two ago. We talked about big meat, all right.


PIRRO: Now, we're talking about the meat packers. You know, we got to make the meatpackers small. And the bottom line is this. The President doesn't understand the economy. He doesn't understand inflation. He doesn't understand the damage he's doing to the economy by continuing to put and trying to put more and more money into it. He's just picking here and there because he heard about this from his wife's girlfriend. I think it was his wife's girlfriend. I don't know.

PERINO: And also, I don't know where they're getting hamburger meat for $5.00.

PIRRO: It's $7.00.

WATTERS: Yes. I mean, Greg, that's where you get all your commentary, from your wife's girlfriend.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. As you know, I'm a huge expert in big meat, and following meatpacking for quite some time. This is such a convenient explanation for Joe, especially since he just heard about it now. He just heard about the problem. And lo and behold, he already knows what the solution was.

PERINO: Right.

GUTFELD: It's like, wait, I just found -- my friend Mary just said that hamburger is so expensive. And I'm like, are you kidding me? But you know why? It's because of the meat packers. I mean, it's like, I get it. He didn't know about meat. He hasn't had solid food in a long time.

If it were -- if it were putting -- if it were putting prices or applesauce, he'd be screaming like crazy. He'd be going nuts. This is a guy who just discovered power windows.

WATTERS: You guys are mean. I'm the nice one.

RIVERA: Nasty.

WATTERS: "THE FASTEST" coming up next.


PERINO: Welcome back. Time for "THE FASTEST." First up, devastating news for Press Secretary Jen Psaki.


JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I'm happy to circle back with our team on that specific report. Circle back, circle back, circle back, circle back. I hate to disappoint conservative Twitter but I'm going to circle back.


PERINO: According to a new list of overused phrases, people despise hearing circle back, no worries, at the end of the day, and asking for a friend. Greg, we started -- you started bad phrases years ago. So, there's that five lag again.

GUTFELD: Yes. And you know what, those were the good old days, Dana, when we could joke about banning words. It was fun because we were just banning words that we didn't like. We have to add a new one which is, to your point.

PERINO: Yes. That's done.

GUTFELD: Because we've been -- you know what, it's introduced into the -- into the public and then it just has a life of its own. But now we're at a time where people are actually trying to ban language, so it's almost not as fun as it used to be. It used to just be kind of cute. Now, it's like people actually tried to do it.

PERINO: I did feel a little vindication though, Judge, because in my book that I did this past year, Everything Will Be Okay, I banned no worries. I said no more no worries. Because you know, when people ask you for something like for your time, they'll say could you come give this free speech on your Saturday, the only Saturday you have off online, and you say I'm not able to, and they say oh no worries. Like, I don't want to feel worried. Why should I feel worried?

PIRRO: That's true. That's true. But you know what, my favorite one is, wait, what. That always tells me I miss something. Because if someone says wait, what, it means that I miss something that they caught that I didn't. So, I kind of like that. That's like a signal to me.

PERINO: That's right.

PIRRO: But no worries is not my favorite either.

PERINO: Jesse, do you have any banned phrases?

WATTERS: Yes, I don't like no worries. When I say thank you to my doorman for holding the door open for me, he says no worries. And he should sound more formal. He should say, you're welcome, Mr. Watters.

PERINO: I did not know how you're going to survive in your building.

WATTERS: He's not watching. And plus, I was a doorman, so I can say that.

PERINO: Oh, you'd be surprised the doorman watches THE FIVE. Geraldo, do you ban any of these phrases like at the end of the day?

RIVERA: The one I really don't like when I hear young reporters say time will tell. Of course, time will tell. Time will always tell. I mean, to say it just means you don't have a way to end your comment, so you say time will tell.

PIRRO: Oh, interesting. I will always --

PERINO: Up next, America has apparently become a nation of Karens. There's a new art article chronicling how more and more consumers are going to enter into a pandemic rage over minor inconveniences and demanding to speak with a manager or they could solve a problem, like you did, Greg.

GUTFELD: Yes, and just call the CEO, get them on the phone. By the way, you know something is -- you know, a trend is dead when the New York Times suddenly discovers it, right? By the way, Karens have always existed. Remember Mrs. Kravitz from Bewitched. They were the nosy fussy butt neighbor. It's now just married to social media. It was when the when the Karen or Mrs. Kravitz would aim the phone at you. That's when it started to get very aggressive. And now it's turning back on them but it's dead. It's over.

PERINO: We'll just have time for one more. Jesse, we'll go up for you for comment. I feel bad. There's a -- there's a lovely Karen producer on our staff. And when she goes to Starbucks, she says her name is Lauren.

WATTERS: Oh, that is sad.

GUTFELD: That's so Lauren.

WATTERS: Yes, Johnny is my Karen. So, I don't have to be a Karen. I have someone else to be a Karen for me. He goes right to the manager.

PERINO: One of these days, there's going to be a Jesse.

WATTERS: Why would you wish that on me?

PERINO: I'm just saying that for general. Geraldo, Jeanine, do you have anything left?

PIRRO: I want -- I want an assistant. I want a Karen.

PERINO: She'll take a Karen.

RIVERA: One thing I noticed. When Karens male and female fight, they fight so badly. They fight -- you know, they don't fight fight.

WATTERS: How should they fight, Geraldo? How should they fight?

PIRRO: What do you mean?

RIVERA: Fight like a fight. You know, like a fight. You fight.

PERINO: Oh, you want to like punch somebody? All right.

PIRRO: Yes, you want to punch him out.

PERINO: "ONE MORE THING" is up next.


GUTFELD: "ONE MORE THING." I get to go first. It's big news. Greg's a dad news. Yes, I'm so proud to announce a new member of the Gutfeld clan, Abe Vigoda, my brand new goldfish. Let's roll it.


GUTFELD: This is the new member of the Garfield clan, Abe Vigoda, obviously because he's fish. I just purchased him. He's growing magically as beautiful dark eyes much like his owner, Greg. And you'll be seeing a lot more of him on THE FIVE. He's going to be America's fish.


GUTFELD: Yes, America's fish. He's got quite a personality, I must say. It's magnetic. I hope he lives long enough to enjoy my company.

PERINO: Is he stoned.

GUTFELD: He might be.

PIRRO: He looks scared to death.

GUTFELD: Well, he should be because he's probably got another 24 hours to live. All right, Jesse.

WATTERS: I think Geraldo is America's fish but you know, whatever. I want to wish --

PERINO: He's America's catch.

RIVERA: I didn't quite get that one.

WATTERS: I want to wish my sister a very happy birthday. I'm not going to say how old she is because women don't like that, but it's a big birthday. I love her dearly. She is the absolute best. I can say whatever I want about her because she definitely doesn't watch Fox News. I don't think she's ever watched Fox News. She may have never even seen THE FIVE.


WATTERS: But it's the thought that counts. So, Happy Birthday, Eliza!

GUTFELD: Oh, that's amazing. Dana.

PERINO: Well, Happy Birthday, Eliza, indeed. And congratulations on the fish. I look forward to introducing him to Percy. I want to talk about Afghanistan for just a moment. So, the horrible --

RIVERA: To my cat.

PERINO: -- chaotic withdrawal from Afghanistan, it continues to impact so many people. It's actually really not over. John Ondrasik from Five For Fighting had -- he put out a song a few months ago called blood on my hands. And he just released a document music video for the song. I encourage everyone to look this up. I'll put it on my Facebook page and on Instagram.

All proceeds from the sale of the song will go to various organizations carrying out the evacuations and rescues in Afghanistan. And those continue. I just want to update you. Jen Wilson, our good friend from Army Week Association. She's the Chief Operating Officer. She and her team have helped almost 1900 people get out of Afghanistan.

They still have Americans there, she said, and many of them are afraid to leave their families because they don't have the visas yet. And the Taliban is doing some pretty horrific things that I won't repeat here. But just so you know, these efforts continue and Army Week Association is part of that.

GUTFELD: Excellent. Well -- all right, Judge.

PIRRO: All right. You've heard about the fox getting into the hen house. Well, you probably haven't heard about the dogs getting into the fox den. What you see there are -- in last week in Italy in the town of Lomazzo, Italy, two dogs chased a fox into a winding underground fox den. And the Italian firefighters use their hands and tiny bulldozers to dig them out of a hole and pull the dogs to safety.

The dogs have spent five hours trapped but were miraculously unharmed. The heartwarming operation was captured on video and posted to Twitter by Vigili del Fuoco, the National Fire and Rescue Service.

GUTFELD: There you go. All right, Geraldo. Finish this off.

RIVERA: Molto buono. Molto buono

PIRRO: Molto buono.

RIVERA: All right, this edition of Geraldo's Geraldo News with Geraldo is all about my vacation. You know what they say about the vacation. Other than that, how was the plane, Mrs. Lincoln. So, this -- that's a Sol is with the patterned dress, her best friend Alex. The family, wonderful, wonderful time together in Key West Florida.

But this is probably where I got the infection, the COVID, going out drinking with my -- you know, wasted again in Margarita land. But -- and I ended up -- there's me New Year's Eve in isolation.

GUTFELD: No shirt pictures. We made it through without a shirtless picture. Geraldo, thank you.

RIVERA: I tried to get the shirtless picture.

GUTFELD: Hello, Bret.

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