Sanders-Warren fight highlights Iowa Democrat debate
It's what happened after the debate between six Democrat candidates in Iowa that makes the most headlines.
This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," January 18, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JEANINE PIRRO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Have a good weekend.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: U.S. Representatives for 12.
ALEX TREBEK, HOST, JEOPARDY: One fifty third of California's House delegation is this Intelligence Committee Chairman. His name is Adam Schiff.
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[LAUGHTER]
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: No, his name is Tom Shillue.
[CHEERING]
[APPLAUSE]
GUTFELD: All right, so I think we found the one thing worse than fake outrage -- fake righteousness.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): We are here today to cross a very important threshold in American history.
REP. SHEILA JACKSON LEE (D-TX): We are on the precipice of a great historic moment, dealing with protecting the Constitution.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This historic moment.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The gravity and the historic nature of this moment.
SEN. CHUCK SCHUMER (D-NY): The solemnity, gravity of the moment in our history hits you square in the back.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: It's like they have pompous Tourette's. Thresholds. Thresholds. Precipices. Gravity. Jackasses.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Yes, in no order to sell this sham to America, they put a wedding dress on a sack of dog turds and rolled it down the aisle.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: And what about all that walking? Yes, let's look at them walk.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: These idiots can walk in a straight line without tripping over their own egos. I never seen a media this excited celebrating the fact that these halfwits can wobble towards an open space.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: We learned this when we're four. Here they are walking. And here they are walking some more. Oh wait, did you see them walking here? Look at this walk. That's a nice walk. And some more walking. No, that's walking. And this walking. There you go. And yet the media lapped it up. I've got hand it to the Dems. They put the money in the jukebox and how the press dances.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DANA BASH, CNN CHIEF POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: Just the ceremony of it, walking over delivering the Articles of Impeachment.
CHUCK TODD, MSNBC HOST: You'll see their signing pens there.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The presentation and the pomp and all of that contributes to that gravity.
NIA-MALIKA HENDERSON, CNN SENIOR POLITICAL REPORTER: We see the pomp and circumstance and the formality and the seriousness.
CHRIS MATTHEWS, MSNBC HOST: The building is filled with statues to remind us of people who are the great people before us. There's a sacramental quality of this. There's a -- there's a ritual.
WOLF BLITZER, CNN HOST: We're now seeing the managers walking back from the Senate through the rotunda.
MATTHEWS: I think Pelosi is a real believer in this -- of that ritual. I think she's very reverential.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Thanks, Chris, but you also think the blow dryer at the gym isn't just for your hair.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Ceremony. Statues. Sacraments. Ritual. They are giddy as Bill Clinton at a slumber party.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: And they can't even hide it. That's the real point. The breathlessness reveals their bias. So is this really historic? They say it's only the third time someone has been impeached. But that's irrelevant if the process is abused. Anyone can do an impeachment if you have control of the House, and since the Dems now broke the seal, you're going to see a lot more of it. That's the historical nature of this. It's now no longer anything special. Now, impeachment is going to be as regular as me on Metamucil.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Am I right, Adam?
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ANNOUNCER: And now Adam Schiff watches a Trump rally.
DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: ... would you be willing to meet? Well, I won't be able to make it. Well, you know he's traveling fast. We can have him lined up, Adam, you little pencil neck.
TOM SHILLUE, IMPERSONATING ADAM SCHIFF: I may have a pencil neck, but look at this face.
TRUMP: The Washington Democrats are wasting America's time with demented hoaxes and crazy witch hunts.
SHILLUE: Prove it in the court of law.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: So there are seven impeachment managers. Take a look at them. Have you seen a sadder collection of buffoons?
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: They look like rejects from People's Court.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Now remember when you watch these lemmings and act as phony sanctimony, you're footing the bill. So they're crapping on us while we sign their checks. You've got to remember this. So when it's over, there's payback. We've got to vote him out and never pay them an ounce of respect ever again. And don't forget, this is all due to the fact that they can't beat Trump, so impeachment is the next best thing, but like all their big dreams after the buildup, it always collapses. Collusion, obstruction, Kavanaugh, Covington, Avenatti -- their big strategy always deflates in their arms like a punctured blow up doll. Am I right Adam?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANNOUNCER: And now, Adam Schiff uses a vending machine for the first time.
SHILLUE: A bounty of snacks, but how to access them? Bill. You must find bill and insert him. Must be a tiny man to fit in such a small space. Are you Bill?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Who is Bill?
SHILLUE: No, you're too big.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Big?
SHILLUE: To fit in the machine. Don't twist my words.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm going to come back later.
SHILLUE: Tell Bill I'm looking for him. I can wait. I can wait for you bill. Bill.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: My God. Meanwhile, Trump rose along signing trade deals, killing terrorists and chaperoning a record stock market. It's almost as if impeachment is a vitamin that makes him even more effective. Plus, he has so many other concerns. I mean, how about the shower?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: How about the shower? You go into a shower, and I have this beautiful head of hair, I need a lot of it. And you go into the shower, right? You turn on the water. Drip, drip, drip.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: But what about the light bulb?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: I brought back the old light bulb. Better light for much less money if you want it. Somebody said, oh sir, don't mention the light bulb. You know, it's hard to make an elegant speech, I am saying I brought back the lightbulb. So the new lightbulb costs you five times as much and it makes you look orange.
[LAUGHTER]
TRUMP: And I was more interested in the orange than I was with the cost.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: But wait, what about the refrigerators?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: I'm talking about refrigerators, probably won't in the State of the Union, I'll leave it out because I want to get praised for making -- you cannot make a brilliant speech where they say that was such an incredible eloquent speech, if I'm talking about dishwashers, sinks, toilets, lightbulbs. But sinks, toilets, and showers. You don't get any water.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: He cannot help himself. I hope at least he's approving new dishwashers.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: I'm also approving new dishwashers that give you more water so you can actually wash and rinse your dishes without having to do it 10 times, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: He speaks for all of us. Anyone have a new dishwasher?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: Anybody have a new dishwasher? I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for that. It's worthless. They give you so little water. You never see, air comes out. So little water. So what happens? You end up using it 10 times and the plates, then you take them out and doing the old fashioned way.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I wonder if he's done with the dishwasher.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: So dishwashers now are going to have just as much as you've ever had, and you're going to use not one shot, your dishes are going to be beautiful. I'm sorry that you just bought one of those brand new pieces of garbage, but darling, you can throw it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right, let's face it. We don't deserve him.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Because here he is trying to solve big and little problems around the world from trade with China to Iran to your crappy appliances. But he's only got one question in mind. How do I make it better? His opponents only question, how can we stop him? The answer is they can't. In fact, the more you try to stop him for some bizarre reason, the better he does, right Adam?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANNOUNCER: And now Adam Schiff goes on a ski trip.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm really excited about the ski trip. I cannot wait to hit the slopes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I heard it's supposed to snow all weekend.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh my god. Let's get it.
SHILLUE: Ready for some fun in the sun, fellas?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Adam, where's your ski gear?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Dude, aren't you freezing? It's like 20 degrees.
SHILLUE: The only degree I care about is this one from Stanford.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Where did you get that?
SHILLUE: Stanford.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, like, where did that physically come from?
SHILLUE: California.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Maybe you shouldn't come, Adam.
SHILLUE: Maybe you should try having relations with a woman.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
ANNOUNCER: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. His wit is dryer than the armpits on a cactus. Writer and comedian David Angelo.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
GUTFELD: He's so bright his thoughts attract moths. Fox News analyst and Fox Nation host, Lawrence Jones.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
GUTFELD: She puts hexes on all her exes, host of "Sincerely Kat" on Fox Nation, Katherine Timpf.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
GUTFELD: He can't get Saturn's ring off his pinky, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
GUTFELD: All right, David, what do you make of impeachment?
DAVID ANGELO, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Oh my god. I think you made a good point, Greg that we are paying for this. And doesn't that drive you nuts? Sometimes I feel like the adult of an art studies major, you know what I mean? Like the parent. You know what I mean? Like I got a kid in Williamsburg. It's like, but they're all the congressmen.
GUTFELD: Yes.
ANGELO: You want to be like, can you get -- can you get -- can you do some work? Can you do something? And they're just like, well, we've got this impeachment thing we're working on.
GUTFELD: But it shows, we don't need them to do work You know? Everything is fine.
ANGELO: Also, they have this new thing, this Lev Parnas guy. They have every new -- it keeps coming. They are constantly snowballing. Yes, like he's another -- he is Avenatti. Everything, it's like, guys, be done with it. And then they do that -- who's watching MSNBC anymore? Every single thing has been wrong. Who's going home like, hey, let me turn on Rachel Maddow, this woman who is -- she has been wrong for every single program in the last three years. Let's see what she has to say tonight.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: You know, she still has good ratings and it's because people want to believe, Lawrence, in these lies because it makes them feel better.
LAWRENCE JONES, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes. Well, the sad part is people do believe. I mean, they see this impeachment scandal and they see them walking solemnly across and they actually think that Trump is done. But there's going to be a reckoning because eventually those people are going to look up and say, man, Trump is still in office.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: How did this happen?
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
JONES: It's true. These same people ran and said they're going to get healthcare done, save the DREAMers and they weren't able to deliver anything. All they were able to deliver is impeachment and the guy still isn't removed.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
JONES: So there's no reason for them to have seats now.
GUTFELD: It's an emotional exercise that made them feel good. But it accomplishes nothing. Kat, what excites you most about this segment? All the appliance talk or impeachment?
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NATION HOST: So hard to choose?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: I just don't understand why the signing of the stuff was televised. And that's not because of my view on impeachment. That's because my view on the signing of stuff, which I don't think is an interesting thing for anyone to watch, you know.
GUTFELD: No, it's true.
TIMPF: I don't want to watch anyone sign anything like except for maybe like back in time, I would watch them sign the Declaration of Independence, but that's different because John Hancock was so hot.
[LAUGHTER]
TIMPF: They don't make guys like that anymore.
GUTFELD: No, they don't. He had his own teeth until the very end. Made of wood, but who cares, right? Some things made of wood are special, Tyrus?
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes.
GUTFELD: I have no idea what I'm talking about.
MURDOCH: I don't know where you're going, but I'm getting off that street first.
GUTFELD: Trump is America's taxi driver. He's so close to the street that everybody understands what he's talking about when he's talking about appliances. And I want to make this other point. You want to contrast. Here you have Trump. He wants a parade on July 4th. The Military Parade. He wants fireworks in Mount Rushmore. What the Dems want, they want this funereal pomp and circumstance over an impeachment. So he is celebrating America, while they're celebrating a dividing phenomenon that pits Americans against each other. Right?
MURDOCH: I think you're a hundred percent right because although we're laughing now at the talk about dishwashers and stuff like that, there were people watching going, my dishwasher does the same thing.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
MURDOCH: You know, like my shower doesn't leak either. I don't have half - -
JONES: I just called my apartment today.
MURDOCH: But that's real. That's tangible. Nobody walks from the living room to the kitchen like that and decide to pay bills.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.
MURDOCH: You know what I'm saying?
GUTFELD: I'm against walking in general. Okay. All right. We've got to take a break. Coming up, more stuff. Stick around.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: And now, The GREG GUTFELD SHOW presents, the 2020 CAN'T-idates.
GUTFELD: Their polls aren't soaring because their debates are so boring. Six democrats qualified, but not the fun ones. No Tulsi. No Yang. Instead, you got a Sleepy Joe and a meek mayor and Tom Steyer staring at me like Michael Moore eyeing a donut.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Creeps me out. It was two hours that felt like six with one very unfair question even by CNN standards. Pay attention to the questions Abby Phillip asks here.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ABBY PHILLIP, CNN POLITICAL CORRESPONDENT: Senator Sanders, I do want to be clear here. You're saying that you never told Senator Warren that a woman could not win the election.
SEN. BERNIE SANDERS (I-VT), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: That is correct.
PHILLIP: Senator Warren, what did you think when Senator Sanders told you a woman could not win the election?
SEN. ELIZABETH WARREN (D-MA), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE I disagreed. Bernie is my friend, and I am not here to try to fight with Bernie.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What a joke. I am no Bernie fan, but even I felt bad for him. CNN knifed him again, just like it did when they let Hillary peek at the questions. But that was during the debate. After the debate, I actually felt bad for Tom Steyer. He just wanted to say hi to Bernie. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WARREN: I think you called me a liar on national TV.
SANDERS: What?
WARREN: I think you called me a liar on national TV.
SANDERS: Let's not do it right now. You want to have that discussion, we'll have that discussion.
WARREN: Anytime.
SANDERS: You called me a liar. You told me -- all right, let's not do it now.
TOM STEYER (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I don't want to get in the middle, I just wanted to say hi, Bernie.
SANDERS: Yes, good. Okay.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: I just want to say hi, Bernie. Hi, Bernie. Yes, good. Stop with the staring, Tom, you're creeping Bernie out, too. It's a shame that the best part of the debate actually came after the debate. And if the next debate is this boring, you're going to have to do something to keep viewers tuned in. like this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN (D), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I would argue that the biggest breakthrough in recent time was us being able to do our administration with five Republican -- five Democratic Presidents couldn't get done, and that is pass Obamacare. It is a big deal. Secondly, I would argue that the way you control drug prices is you limit what they can charge for those prices. You don't have to pay the price limit of what they can charge. If in fact they charge more than we set the price for, they can -- they can in fact -- we can -- people can import from abroad, assuming that it is safe.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I couldn't keep my eyes on the screen.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Lawrence, isn't that the solution?
JONES: Yes, I mean, they're in a desperate time right now. First of all, Warren is a liar. Right? She lies about everything. She lied about who she really was. She says she was a Native American to get privileges. She has flip flopped on Medicaid for all, Medicare-for-All. She has flip flopped on school choice, and she lied on the debate stage. She says, I don't want to fight with Bernie and at the end of the day, walks straight up to him. Right up to -- Bernie, you called me a liar.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
JONES: She is a liar and the only thing that she had was identity politics. But the only thing that went wrong right here is she picked it with Bernie and Bernie is the real OG. Okay? When it comes to socialism, he's the one who created the squad and all of that. He got all of them elected. And so when she picked a fight with him, all the fans turned on her. I mean, Bernie raised $2 million that night.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. OG for him stands for Original Gramps.
JONES: Yes.
GUTFELD: Kat, what did you make -- I missed the people that weren't there. I felt like there's nobody fun there. Did you enjoy it?
TIMPF: I was thrilled.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: But the Bernie thing? Look, I agree. I think that she made it up. But like, even if he did say that, it's not the thing that concerns me the most about him at all. Like as a woman, I am offended by sexist comments, but as a human, I'm more offended when someone tells me they're going to confiscate all my money and give it to the state.
GUTFELD: Yes.
[APPLAUSE]
TIMPF: He said that over and over and over again. It's like people are like, whoa, wait, the literal socialist is sexist. Okay, now he is gone too far.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: If you're a socialist, that's going to be my main issue.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Exactly. They are two terrible choices, Tyrus. Did you watch at all?
MURDOCH: Okay, I'm not going to lie because you've been busting me online about I grazed through it. Yes. But you've got to understand, man, there's a Forensic File marathon going on one side of it, there was a called basketball game and then my daughter was like, show me a new move.
GUTFELD: Okay.
MURDOCH: Like a new dance move. It was very athletic, but I had to like go okay, honey, that's cute. But here's the thing to that whole that backstab job or whatever. Of course, he doesn't think a woman can be President. Boo-hoo because he's trying to be President. So he thinks he could be president. So if someone said to me, Tyrus, did you tell Kat, she can't be the new host of Tyrus's show. Yes, I did. Because I'm trying to be that and if I believe that she is going to be that then what the hell am I doing here? Like, I'm kind of -- I wish Bernie would have attacked it like, I'm running for President. So I think I can be the President. So why the hell would I think a woman can be President right now because I'm running for it and I'm running against last time I checked a man. So I don't believe that at this particular time. No. Why is that so terrible?
GUTFELD: They are people saying, David that it's actually sexist for Bernie to be running at all because to Tyrus's point, she should be --
TIMPF: That is pretty sexist.
GUTFELD: It is, I think.
ANGELO: Yes, I mean, these guys are all like -- Buttigieg, they're all like, it's crazy. Enough with the white men. It's like, well, get out of the race. They don't believe that. It's like so ridiculous. It's so transparent. But this debate was truly boring.
GUTFELD: Yes.
ANGELO: I mean, it was so much hot air. I was hoping Greta would come and shut it down.
[LAUGHTER]
MURDOCH: Real quick, Greg. What I think is interesting is that Cory Booker, when he stepped out last week, talked about how unfair the Democratic Party was to minority candidates that they -- the system, the Democratic Party system is designed to keep the brothers down and not allow us -- I'm like, at what point did he realize it's you're party, bro. That's how - - they will turn it on themselves to make themselves not look so bad. Like listen, I just wasn't a good choice. No, no, no. Now all of a sudden, well, they didn't want me to run because I'm black. The Democratic Party is racist, Cory?
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: Like that's really what they're going with.
GUTFELD: Last word, David.
ANGELO: Well, you know, the fight between Warren and Bernie was all right. You know, Warren was really seen red more than usual.
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: And Bernie -- Bernie is a wimp. If Elizabeth Warren ever did anything with me. It's just I'd be immediately, you said you were a Cherokee Indian.
GUTFELD: Yes.
ANGELO: We're not having a conversation, Warren. You said for 30 years you were a Cherokee Indian.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
ANGELO: Next question.
GUTFELD: And by the way, the reason why that's a problem that nobody is doing that is Trump's going to do that when she is the nominee, and she will not be prepared. All right, we've got move on. We've got a lot more stuff. Stay right there.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
AISHAH HASNIE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Aishah Hasnie. President Trump at his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida this weekend with his impeachment trial just three days away. This afternoon the President's legal team filed its first brief of the trial accusing Democrats of attempting to overthrow the 2016 election. Earlier House impeachment managers filed their own brief in which they accuse the President of abandoning his oath to faithfully execute the laws and betraying the public trust. A massive winter storm system impacting millions of Americans with snow and fierce winds from the plains to the east coast tonight. Blizzard conditions slamming the Dakotas and Upper Midwest with wind gusts over 50 miles per hour, as snow spreads across portions of the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast with freezing temperatures. Road conditions remain treacherous at this hour while airports from Chicago to New York are seeing major delays. Buckingham Palace says Prince Harry and his wife, Meghan will know that longer use the titles Royal Highnesses or receive public funding for their work under a new deal that allows them to step aside as senior Royals. The new arrangements take effect this spring, but Queen Elizabeth said, "Harry, Meghan and Archie will always be much loved members of my family." And the U.S. taking action as a deadly virus from Central China spreads to other countries in Asia. The threat is low here, but the CDC is sending medical experts to airports in New York City, Los Angeles and San Francisco to screen passengers from that region just to be safe. The respiratory virus is believed to be linked to a large seafood and live animal market in China. I'm Aishah Hasnie, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. For all your headlines, log on to foxnews.com.
GUTFELD: We screw up a lot when raising a tot. A new survey shows American parents make 221 mistakes a year while bringing up their kids. You times that by 18 years, it comes to 4.3 billion. I'm stupid. So this is what the survey considers a mistake. Allowing brats too much screen time, accidentally teaching them swear words. That's the fun part of parenting. Letting them watch something that isn't age appropriate and allowing them to play with machetes. That's what my parents did. And I turned out just fine. Although, my brother Steve, that's another story.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: RIP, Steve. He had a mustache when he was 12. The survey also asked parents if they had a favorite kid. Of the ones that said they did have admitted their youngest was their favorite. No wonder my sisters kept trying to poison me. Biggest mistake parents make, letting Emily watch Ethan.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What have you been doing to your brother?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't know.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You don't know.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I was scrubbing him.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You were scrubbing him?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, Ethan. Hi.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What's wrong with that? I don't understand, Tyrus. That's parenting.
MURDOCH: Yes.
GUTFELD: Yes. What about you? You are the -- I think you're the only parent here.
MURDOCH: Yes. I have four children.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: I have a five-year-old and three eight-year-olds.
[LAUGHTER]
MURDOCH: 2011 was a hell of a year. Yes. And this -- no, that's real talk. You know I don't have triplets. None of my eight year old hairs match. But it's all good. It's all good. I'm trying to get to that.
[LAUGHTER]
MURDOCH: Lawrence is teasing me. Listen, listen. This survey is stupid because those top three things I literally do with my kids every week. Me and my five-year-old will watch "Jaws" like oh [bleep] shark. Oh, girl, did you see that? Like, we do it all the time. Because cuss words According to Tony Robbins, is just words. So I don't believe in that, that I cuss all the time. They just know, don't do what daddy does. You know what I'm saying because I'm cusser, that's what I do. I'm creative. That's what happens. And not once children watch something, what else are we supposed to do? I want to see this movie. I can't leave them alone.
[LAUGHTER]
MURDOCH: We have we have some code words in my house.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: You know, that's --
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true though. Being a good parent means making them watch what you're watching. Hi, Lawrence.
JONES: You know, I think parents have gotten too soft.
GUTFELD: Oh, really?
JONES: Yes. You've got kids that are entitled today. There's no discipline in the household. I think parents need to get tougher and it is true, they get very soft with the youngest.
GUTFELD: Yes.
JONES: Right? They let them do whatever they want to do. And they grow up in entitled. I don't know, but again, I'm not a parent, so I can't judge. Me and my dad used to have a tumultuous relationship, right? And he told me one thing that stuck with me. He was like, look, I may have made a lot of mistakes with you, but one of these days you're going to have young kids, right? And they're going to judge you by the same standard that you judge me. I'm like, man, I don't want that judgment. So, I don't know, maybe we shouldn't be too hard on parents, but they are being a little soft these days. But that's just me.
GUTFELD: Yes, Kat, what about you? What about you?
TIMPF: Well, I think that some of the things on this list that are mistakes are actually good. Like I think it's good, Tyrus to let your kids watch age inappropriate things.
MURDOCH: We love "Jaws." It's a favorite.
TIMPF: No. Because I wasn't allowed to watch those things, and it was very hard on me as a child.
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: For example, I was the only one in my whole Girl Scout troop who wasn't allowed to see "Titanic." All the chicks, that's all -- and the chicks -- I mean, the Girl Scout that's all that they talked about. And I already had trouble fitting in because I was, like, you know, I was me. And I could have used that help. But my mom, I'd be like, mommy let me watch this. She'd be like, no, there's boobs in it. And I was like, I'm going to have boobs someday. That joke is on me because I'm 31 and I'm still waiting. But I think that I would have had a better time fitting in if I'd been allowed to see the boobs.
JONES: No, you just emerged.
GUTFELD: Dave?
ANGELO: Well, I'm not a parent, but I do have advice.
GUTFELD: Oh, good.
MURDOCH: Oh geez, can't wait to hear this one.
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: No, it's great.
MURDOCH: You and that punk, Dr. Spock. Go ahead.
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: I think it's so easy to have a good kid.
GUTFELD: Really?
ANGELO: I think it's so simple.
GUTFELD: What is it?
ANGELO: Here's this -- here's the trick.
MURDOCH: I hate you already.
ANGELO: All you do, you just make sure the kid calls the father, Papa. Those kids are always good. You know what I am saying?
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
ANGELO: You never have a kid like, I'm not doing my homework. I don't care what you say, Papa.
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: That never happens.
MURDOCH: I just like to say Greg because I'm in deep trouble right now with at least four grown people. Whenever we watched "Jaws," it was education, though, because I would say, sweetheart, why did jaws eat the woman, and she goes, because she wasn't listening, daddy. Exactly.
[LAUGHTER]
MURDOCH: If she were listening, or read the sign, she should be fine. So it is educational.
GUTFELD: Well, you know what, I think it's there. I think to your point, it's different. You know, back in the old days, parents had like 20 kids. You lose track of one in the Serengeti. It's like, well. Now, everybody has got like one kid, and they spoil them rotten. And now the kids don't know how to react in the real world. That's why I'm not -- if I have kids, I'm going to -- if -- and I don't like my kid, I'm just going to drive him out in the woods.
ANGELO: Yes.
[LAUGHTER]'
GUTFELD: Drive them out of the woods.
ANGELO: The best thing you could do.
MURDOCH: Yes, but nowadays they have all kinds of little devices that get their way home and it doesn't work.
GUTFELD: And they can find their way back.
MURDOCH: Yes, they do. Mine are clever.
GUTFELD: Don't go anywhere. I'll be back in 240 seconds.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: He needs a pretty face to join him in space. His name is Yusaku Maezawa. He's an eccentric billionaire -- who isn't these days, am I right? And he's looking for love. He wants a girlfriend that he can take to the moon with him. That's a come on. He has booked two seats on Elon Musk SpaceX which means that extra ticket could be yours. Plus you'll be sitting next to me and Lou Dobbs.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: It is our anniversary. Potential girlfriends have to answer some questions on his love diagnostic tests which sounds creepy and appear in his documentary "Full Moon Lovers" and put up with them until 2023 when SpaceX launches. So far 20,000 applications have poured in. Meanwhile, I'm working on my own prototype for sending a man to the moon. Here's tape of the first test launch.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: We found him three days later. You know, Kat, any interest in this? Any interest at all in going? He's a billionaire.
TIMPF: No.
GUTFELD: Space.
TIMPF: No.
GUTFELD: Why?
TIMPF: Okay. You know that almost 30,000 women signed up for this. And it's really disappointing because I'm sure the moon is like, cool. But this dude 1,000 percent sucks.
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: You know. I'm serious. He's a billionaire and he has to do this to try to find a girlfriend. How bad does he suck?
[LAUGHTER]
TIMPF: Like, you don't say hey, I will literally take you to the moon if you go out with me if you haven't tried like everything else first.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: He's already tried everything on this planet that he had to be like, all right, we've got to move it beyond the planet. We've got to go beyond the planet. And then you're stuck out in the galaxy with this guy.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Absolutely not. He sucks. Don't go.
[APPLAUSE]
GUTFELD: You know, he is kind of -- he is betting against himself. Like I would go alone on the chance you might meet a hot alien like, you don't go to Club Med with a date. Okay, that's a dated reference, Club Med was a place -- anyway, what am I talking about.
TIMPF: Sorry, I'm very young, Greg.
GUTFELD: You are very young. You're almost 40.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Don't you think it's like he is narrowing his chances before he even gets out into space.
ANGELO: That's true, and also like you're selecting -- I mean, what kind of woman enters a contest to go to space with a guy? It's like a red flag, isn't it?
JONES: Thirty thousand of them.
TIMPF: He is a red flag.
ANGELO: You'd be against that to begin with. But you know, shooting a billionaire to space. I think that's part of Warren's plan, isn't it?
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: If I were one of these women, I would be like, look, I will go out with you, but I'm not going to go to space. You just -- make sure your will is updated. You go to space. Put me in that will, you go to space on this Elon Musk rocket.
GUTFELD: Yes.
ANGELO: They're going to die. That's the only thing no one mentions.
GUTFELD: They may not die. They may just never come back, which is kind of exciting. You know, Tyrus, generally men usually want their space.
MURDOCH: Yes, we do. And it's always invaded.
[LAUGHTER]
MURDOCH: Constantly. No respect. None at all. We'd have to move out of our own homes and invent man caves and then those get invaded and then you end up at a motel on a Sunday night with no cable.
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: Doing a lot.
MURDOCH: And you end up on the phone, and then so you're not really free anyways because you're stuck on the phone in a really bad motel but you guys are looking at this wrong. This is an evil genius here. This is a Wile E. Coyote move.
GUTFELD: Really?
MURDOCH: He is going to see how many women will sleep with him to go on a trip to the moon. And right now he has got 30,000 contestants, signing a nondisclosure.
GUTFELD: Yes, you're right.
MURDOCH: And how bad do you want to go to the moon will probably come out a lot.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.
MURDOCH: Oh, I was thinking about -- have you not seen "The Bachelor"?
GUTFELD: Yes.
MURDOCH: And they fight for a TV show and a rose.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
MURDOCH: It's a trip to the moon, which is worth -- you know what I am saying? Every Instagram model in America just said yes. This dude is scaring all of reality TV networks because he's going to steal all their stars.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Well, it is a reality show, Lawrence. I don't know --
MURDOCH: It literally is a reality show.
JONES: The guy is -- he's a creep. Okay, we all can agree that, but maybe this is a mutual, you know?
GUTFELD: Yes.
JONES: You know think, I mean --
TIMPF: So he is not kidnapping them and bringing them to the moon.
JONES: Obviously, these women are desperate and he's the last person, right? They're probably depressed or something's going on in their life and they're like, look, I'm never going to get married. I might as well, well, you know, maybe I can come back home --
GUTFELD: Go to space with a stranger. By the way, there are no men's or women's room in space. So, you're going to get somebody else's poop in your hair in zero gravity. I mean, you're in zero gravity.
TIMPF: How did he make this story about poop?
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: Because poop is going to be coming at you.
JONES: It floats.
GUTFELD: Yes, poop floats. I think there's a movie called Poop Floats.
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: Before --
GUTFELD: Or is that --
MURDOCH: Hope. The word you're looking for is hope.
GUTFELD: Hope Floats, or what I order at the health salon. Hey, I've got to go. You want to say something?
ANGELO: Well, I just think you've got to make sure he's a billionaire in dollars, not yen because it's --
[LAUGHTER]
ANGELO: This guy is broke. He is broke.
GUTFELD: My favorite story is next. Stick around.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: They ignored a star named Benatar. The latest batch of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees were announced this week, and not on the list. My uncle Jerry. He's not a musician. Yes, he's an accountant, but still it's hurt his feelings which is weird because he hates music. Jerry. But also didn't get in, Pat Benatar, a pioneer and female rock. She had that second highest fan vote for the haul, over 880,000 votes and still nothing. Also snubbed Judas Priest. They're wearing their leather chaps at half-staff this week.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: They're also sad they didn't get nominated, but the Hall did make one smart move. It had the good sense not to induct the Dave Matthews Band. Boo. Have you seen their latest music video?
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: That's my impression of Dave Matthews.
TIMPF: Spot on.
GUTFELD: Thank you. Kat, thoughts?
TIMPF: Yes, Dave Matthews Band is terrible.
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: Like I get it, like Dave, we get it. You've got a guitar, you've got feelings and you don't care who knows it. And I also get that a lot of people listen to it. But the thing is, all of those people are very high.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.
TIMPF: All of them. Have you ever met a Dave Matthews Band fan and they do anything, but tell you about all the times they tripped acid except they call the trips, their journeys, you know? It's for people who cry when they have sex and it's all very sad.
[LAUGHTER]
GUTFELD: David?
ANGELO: Well, I am not -- they've been doing this for so long. Rock and roll stopped in like 1978.
GUTFELD: That's true.
ANGELO: So they keep bringing these new people and it's like, who are you inducting?
GUTFELD: Yes.
ANGELO: It's like we're two years out from Milli-Vanilli being on the ballot.
[LAUGHTER]
MURDOCH: It wasn't their fault, man. They were young and broke. It wasn't their fault.
GUTFELD: All right, last word.
JONES: No, no, no, I don't like it because they should take the audience scores into consideration. They never go with them.
GUTFELD: Yes.
JONES: That's my biggest --
MURDOCH: Pat Benatar was rock and roll.
GUTFELD: She was.
MURDOCH: She was -- she was the forefront. She was like the first woman. She opened doors for other women. Like it's crazy that she didn't get in.
GUTFELD: Yes. You know, I just find the whole idea of a Hall of Fame for something that's relatively new. I mean rock and roll. I mean, the universe is like 4,000 years, right?
ANGELO: Yes.
MURDOCH: Sure.
GUTFELD: So it's just weird. You know, it's like a Hall of Fame for bioengineers, but not for rock and roll. To be in a Hall of Fame for rock and roll goes against being in rock and roll. You're supposed to be a rebel.
ANGELO: Yes, yes.
JONES: That's true.
GUTFELD: It pisses me off. It doesn't really I don't care. I'm just doing that for laughs All right, Final Thoughts. Next.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
GUTFELD: All right, check out Tyrus's Fox Nation show "Nuff Said." He's got a rare one-on-one interview with some guy named Greg. Quite a handsome fella actually, and that Greg guy is, too. Speaking of handsome fellas, Bill Hemmer has got a new show. It's called "Bill Hemmer Reports," and it starts Monday, three o'clock eastern. You don't want to miss that. Thanks to David Angelo, Lawrence Jones, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
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