This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 14, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everyone. I am Dana Perino, along with Emily Compagno, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City. This is THE FIVE. Impeachment drama kicking into high gear on Capitol Hill, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says the trial against President Trump will likely start next Tuesday. So mark it on your calendars. Speaker Nancy Pelosi is expected to end her month-long showdown with the House voting tomorrow to transmit articles over to the Senate. The Democrats are trying to dictate the terms of the trial and pressure Senator McConnell.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. CHUCK SCHUMER (D-NY), SENATE MINORITY LEADER: If you want the truth, you have to have witnesses. You have to have documents.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The Senate should conduct a fair trial. A fair trial involves witnesses and documents. What is the president hiding from the American people?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When you have witnesses and you have documents, you have a full and fair trial. When you don't, you have a cover up.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: The Republicans think Democrats should be careful what they wish for.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It harms every senator running for president, with Iowa being February 3rd, and benefits Joe Biden. Joe Biden should actually make a pledge not to campaign while impeachment is on.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If the prosecution gets to call a witness, the defense should as well. If the prosecution gets to call John Bolton, then the president should be able to call Hunter Biden.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: All right, Jesse. I was trying to think of a metaphor but I couldn't think of one, but maybe you can. The permission to make an analogy granted to you right now. What is it like when you've had a month away from talking about impeachment, and now you have to gear back up for next Tuesday and remember all those names and all of those things? Like, I just don't know if people are going to want to do that.
JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: It is like being on injured reserve the whole season, Dana. And then you have to go out and play the game, and you just have to remember the playbook.
PERINO: OK, that is a very good analogy.
JUAN WILLIAMS, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I thought that was excellent.
WATTERS: Thank you. Thank you. That was a sports analogy.
PERINO: Does it ever work out for the injured reserve player?
WATTERS: Yeah. Just look the other, the LSU guy came -- the tight end. He had a huge game and he's been hurt all year.
PERINO: That's true. I saw that.
WILLIAMS: What about Lou Gehrig?
WATTERS: What about Lou Gehrig?
PERINO: -- but I do think it's hard to gear back up to talk about impeachment again.
WATTERS: It is, but I'm ready, Dana. I can talk about that all day. And now, we know the Nancy Pelosi held the article. She wanted to squeeze concessions out of McConnell and frame the thing as rigged. She wanted to make sure the Democrats could participate at the debate tonight on CNN. I will be watching Hannity, though. And thirdly, she wants to handcuff Bernie and Liz Warren in the swamp while her favorite candidate, Joe Biden, gets to roam free and close by himself in Iowa. Now, all of those reasons are purely partisan, political reasons. They have nothing to do with fulfilling her duty to carry out her constitutional duty to check and balance the president of the United States. But we knew that, all right? Now, if I were a Republican in the Senate, I would say no witnesses. The House had its chance. That is not our job to do witnesses. Plus, it was a radically unfair deal in the House. You're not going to get that fairness from us. And if you guys want to roll the dice on witnesses, I think there is more of a risk for Democrats then there are Republicans. Because you know they're going to acquit the president. But what you don't know is what's going to come out of the testimony under oath from, I don't know, where is Hunter, or how about the whistle-blower, or Shifty Schiff, or to Chalupa (ph), our friend Chalupa (ph). So anything could come out of that, which could bury the Biden which could expose the hoax from the get- go. And I don't think a Bolton testimony hurts the president at all.
PERINO: Juan, I imagine you don't see it that way.
WILLIAMS: No. First of all, if I was a senator -- Jesse has the advantage. He has the skinny tie today. I have a fat tie. I would say there were two new developments today. One was that there will be the vote to send the articles tomorrow. And two, the selection of managers in terms of who's going to actually argue the case and how it's going to done apparently along the lines of how it was done during the Clinton impeachment. You know, about a six day process. So I think we're looking at two weeks. I would say this. I don't think that you can any longer underestimate Nancy Pelosi. Yes, there were stories, including stories about Democrats rousing about Pelosi and delaying the transmission of the articles. But I think what you said is right. Clearly now, there's a tremendous focus on the Republicans on admitting witnesses and documents and having a full trial. There is not going to be any speedy acquittal, which was initially what the White House and Senator Mitch McConnell, the Senate Majority Leader, were thinking about. And I would say Hunter Biden. He will never be a witness. You know why? Because the moderate Republicans, who are now, I think, starting to assert themselves because of Nancy Pelosi --
WILLIAMS: -- sure, bring in material witnesses.
WATTERS: It's not Hunter Biden. It is where is Hunter Biden.
PERINO: Greg, there is someone over at MSNBC who was being a little critical --
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: How dare they, Dana? How dare they?
PERINO: Let's play that.
GUTFELD: My word.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is one of the reasons Trump kind of wants you to watch CNN instead of MSNBC, because he knows on MSNBC there will be no one defending him because we don't bring on liars. CNN has people on their payroll who they pay to tell their lies to the CNN audience in the middle of, you know, a CNN hour for some number of minutes.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: A little CNN-MSNBC argumentation.
GUTFELD: Whoa, I love that. It is like -- if you're going to put on a play, you have to pick your own performers. How dare you bring anybody that might disagree? Look, viewers need to be aware that the media is going to turn up the flame on the rhetoric because of the problem you stated before, that there has been this lapse in time. It's like summer vacation. You've got to get the kids back in school. So they're going to try to make this hiccup into a heart attack with their rhetoric. And what I resent -- and I'm going to betray my own weakness here, Dana. I resent that the Democrats in the media are playing the tune and making us dance. We have to dance to this tune. This is not a story. The media is like a drunken cowboy firing its six shooters at our feet, saying dance, dance. And so we have to dance and we have to pretend that this is real. We know that this is an emotional exercise to score points against Trump. We know that's all it is. The Dems -- look, I get it, and the person giving the advice to the Democrats, they're basically going through a wedding even though all signs point to divorce. We know how this is going to end. Trump is going to maintain his presidency. And he is going to redefine impeachment as a badge of honor. And I'm trying to tell the Democrats, this is going to hurt you. It's going to hurt you, but they don't listen. And why don't they listen? I will tell you why, Dana. Sunk costs, sunk costs are the investment in something that you don't get back, right? In a relationship, you stay with a bad relationship because of a sunk cost. You stay at a job forever because of a sunk cost, because you feel like you can't leave. That is what impeachment is to them. It's an emotional investment that they are seeing as a real investment, so they can't abandon all that work. When they should just step back and go, you know what, we won. We poked daddy in the eye with impeachment. We can move on. But they're not. They're going to chase this thing down. It's going to hurt them and it's going to reel (ph) like Trump.
EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Yeah. Here are my two analogies for it.
GUTFELD: No. Only I do analogies.
COMPAGNO: I only have two. So the first is exactly what you are saying. This is the Jesse Smollett of politics, which is that the Democrats, they can never go back on their word. They have to see it through. Remember how he then sued the city for malicious prosecution and everyone was, like, really? That is what they are doing. They are so far down --
GUTFELD: They are Smollett-ing.
COMPAGNO: Yes. They are Smollett-ing. And then I fell like the problem with your analogy for the injured reserve, is that unlike the impeachment trial, everyone cares about the football game. We want that guy to come play. Everyone wants to know what is happening. With this, no, we don't. So this is like, to me, when you get all geared up to go skiing and then you have on your 60 layers and get -- you almost get to the chairlift and then you have to go to the bathroom. And you have to go all the way back to the bathroom. So no one cares. No one is going to remember this. And by the way, this is the Senate's, however, opportunity to show a measured, impartial response that the House theatrics were anything but. And if the impeachment managers from the House are the media horrors we know them to be, they continue to be this circus. They're going to attempt to by using that rhetoric especially, but hopefully the senators will stay away from that.
PERINO: I'm never going to forget this skiing analogy.
GUTFELD: Why don't you just do what most people do and just let it go?
WILLIAMS: I told you about that yellow snow.
PERINO: We knew it had to get somewhere. Coming up, the Democratic Party is tearing itself apart after Elizabeth Warren accusing Bernie Sanders of sexism. We will cover the fallout.
GUTFELD: It's commie on commie action. Bernie Sanders' campaign manager is denying Liz Warren's claim that Bernie said a woman couldn't win the presidency, then he blames Trump.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is a story that was obviously put out by unnamed folks. You know, he was invited -- Bernie was invited to Senator Warren's House. She told him she was running for president. For anybody to say that a woman can't win doesn't make sense. Hillary Clinton won 300 million more votes than Donald Trump did in the last election. So there's some wires crossed here. But clearly, Bernie Sanders did not say that a woman could not win. It was a discussion about Trump, misogyny, sexism, and politics, and the difficulty of running in the era of Trump for women, the special challenges that women face in the era of Trump. But, you know, those conversations can sometimes get misconstrued.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Misconstrued. Ah, yes, the three steps of identity politics, the hokey-pokey of the left. First screw (ph) qualification, focus on skin color or gender, for that protective bubble of grievance. Second, always use the worst interpretation of a person's intent. If someone says they don't eat brown M&Ms they must be racist. So misconstrue and deny good faith. Without both, you have no bigotry. Third, find common ground by blaming Trump, because you know he is evil despite doing more for minorities than the clowns running against him like Sanders. It is hard not to love this. Watch the crocodile that is identity politics eat the party that fed it for years, relegating candidates to warring collections of traits and grievances. Each and now buys for the most oppressed. But since they already smeared half the country, the only people left to destroy are themselves. So it's not a fight between left and right, but Libs, who now see there is no escape from their mindless, angry peers. Look at Cory Booker, Stanford grad, Rhodes Scholar, Yale Law, pro-school choice in the city where Democrats demolished public education. But even in his exit, he made it about identity. They didn't lose Cory Booker, no. They lost the black guy. At some point, the Dems must realize that America is about unity, not difference. Trump got that. And the only way to beat him for his opponents to do the same thing, which means four more years of Trump. All right, Juan, let's do a little quiz --
WILLIAMS: Wait a second, all right? Four more years of Trump, can I leave now?
GUTFELD: Don't move to New Zealand. We love you. All right, who is -- OK, this is the he said, she said, or they said. Let's say that they said just so the activist won't get mad. Who is more trustworthy? Bernie Sanders or Liz, who lied about being Cherokee, tried to cover up with a DNA test, which claims she was fired over being pregnant, lied about helping companies escape liabilities. Sanders is not a liar. She lied. She is not -- she cannot be the nominee, because how could she play the character role with Trump, like, go after his character. She is a scheming, lying liar.
WILLIAMS: She -- Mr. Trump --
GUTFELD: No, that was Mr. Sanders.
GUTFELD: She's lying. She's lying.
WILLIAMS: You know, it's not nice to bring it up, but Bernie has had some trouble, claims of how women were treated inside his own campaign that he's got to answer for. So I don't know. But I do think that when you look at these two, I would say that you could see both sides being absolutely true. That he was saying to her Trump is a bully, a sexist, and it's got to be hard for a woman to beat him. And look at what happened with Hillary last time. Or you could have her saying, what I'm hearing you tell me, Mr. Sanders is that a woman can't beat Donald Trump. But if that's the case -- and by the way, that is a huge conversation right now, you don't have -- I mean, you know, there's only two women on the debate stage tonight, right, Warren and Klobuchar.
GUTFELD: Much more qualified, without a question.
WILLIAMS: But I think that when you stop and think about it, the conversation goes, well, who can beat Donald Trump if you are a Democrat? Would you trust a gay man? Would you trust Pete Buttigieg? Would you trust a black person, Cory Booker?
GUTFELD: Obama was president twice.
WILLIAMS: Apparent -- but not -- these guys aren't apparently in the same category. And this is not the same moment in history.
WILLIAMS: -- running against Donald Trump, and you are looking at winning back white males in swing states. And so can -- how do you appeal to them? Who appeals to them? And I think lots of Democrats, some might say out of fear rather than hopefulness, are concerned that anybody but a white male is going to have the more difficult time.
WATTERS: I can't believe I'm agreeing with everything Juan just said. I think she had to announce, and then out of respect for Sanders, they have to have a meeting, and she has to say, Bernie, I'm running, because he won millions of votes last time. He's kind of the socialist heir apparent. It's the right thing to do. And he maybe was a little offended. She is in his lane a little bit. Maybe this was his turn. And they start talking, as Juan said, X's and O's, didn't have a great success running Hillary against Trump last time. Trump may match up better against a woman for a certain reason. We don't know what it is. Talking, you know, shop, talking politics, and she may be interpreted that as a sexist comment.
GUTFELD: I doubt it. She is a liar.
WATTERS: I have to also agree with Juan. I had to agree yesterday. This helps Biden because the two people that are dividing the left voters fighting each other right now. But Bernie has to extricate himself from this smoothly, because if he does get the nomination, he is going to need these Warren votes. But at the same time, Liz Warren -- I don't know how she gets on the ticket. But if she does get on the ticket, she can't tee off Bernie bros, because Bernie bros, only 10 percent of them last time voted for Trump. So she can't antagonize his voters too much and call him a sexist, because if she ever gets the nomination, she is going to Bernie's votes.
GUTFELD: You know what, though? The other thing that bugs me about this whole thing Dana is that this was in a private meeting. And that makes her not just a liar, but a fink. She is a lying fink.
PERINO: I also wonder --
WILLIAMS: What's a fink?
GUTFELD: You know, like a rat
PERINO: Actually, I don't know if he really said it that way. But I do think that -- I have longed believed that if you are prone to take offense about something, you will hear people offending you everywhere you look. And I think that there are sometimes people like Elizabeth Warren that that happens to. Also, I think nobody saw it but on Sunday. Rahm Emanuel, the former chief of staff to President Obama, former Mayor of Chicago, like, every three months he writes an op-ed begging the Democratic Party to abandon identity politics.
PERINO: But nobody is listening to that anymore at all. And I saw today that another Obama administration alum said that he thinks because of what Warren did, with this leak of the private conversation, that the Native- American ancestry is now fair game for Bernie.
GUTFELD: There you go. Because she is saying these things --
WATTERS: He didn't go after Hillary's emails. I don't think he's going after this.
GUTFELD: There's a lot of character problems with Liz Warren. And I think we see she can't be trusted, and she is a liar.
COMPAGNO: Well, I saw three problems with her pulling this stunt because obviously her camp did. Number one, it was too -- it was too inflammatory. Because the reality of that situation is probably actually how you described, which is a reality, X's and O's conversation, where he maybe he said something to the effect that look, I'm not sure if this will -- you're spit-balling, discussing. And she turns around and, A, rats him out, and it is obvious with it. So we see her as desperate. And B, it's quite plausible him denying it. I didn't say a woman couldn't win. Like, you know me. Tulsi even -- did you guys see, came out today and she said I had that same candid conversation with Bernie. And he showed me the greatest respect and encouragement that he is known for. So I think he and his camp is -- again, that plausible deniability, he is not that kind of guy that would hell no. Women couldn't win. Like, of course, he is not going to. And then I think the third thing, there was a person in Iowa actually that was quoted that I think summed up this. She's just a random voter. But the issue with Bernie supporters is that they get the sense that it's Bernie or no one. But with Elizabeth Warren that there's a broader coalition that they believe that bigger coalition might have the possibility and the propensity to actually galvanize more people. And then that will get them eventually that win. So that is the other side of that coin.
PERINO: I think the Bernie Sanders' campaign has a lot better organization, better people. You saw Jeff Weaver there on camera giving the response. You don't see any of the Warren people out.
WILLIAMS: One last thought on this is that there's so much hurt left over from the Clinton campaign in 2016, and a lot of it is still directed at Bernie. And so not only do the Obama people not feel comfortable with Bernie, neither do the Clinton people. And I think you're starting to see that come out now.
GUTFELD: But Bernie got the short end of the stick too, though, right, with the debate. So he has a reason to be upset. Anyway, I am tired of this topic. Why are you staring at me, America?
PERINO: -- super delegates.
PERINO: With the super delegates.
GUTFELD: They're not that super.
PERINO: Super duper.
GUTFELD: All right. Up next from Apple under fire for refusing to unlock the Pensacola shooting terrorists' IPhone.
WILLIAMS: Big tech privacy concerns once again clashing with the reality, the threat of terrorism. Attorney General Bill Barr calling out Apple, he says the company is refusing to unlock the iPhone of a suspected shooter at the Pensacola naval air station last month.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL BARR, UNITED STATES ATTORNEY GENERAL: We have asked Apple for the help in unlocking the shooter's phone. So far, Apple has not given any substantive assistance. We call on Apple and other technology companies to help us find a solution so that we can better protect the lives of American people and prevent future attacks.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: But Apple is hitting back at the government. Quote, "we reject the characterization that Apple has not provided substantive assistance in the Pensacola investigation. Our responses is to their many requests since the attack have been timely, thorough, and are ongoing." So I'm curious about this one, Dana. Because Apple designs their phones so no one can get into it. There is no backdoor. But the government is of the opinion that they can do more than what they have done.
PERINO: Yeah. So I -- this is the encryption battle that we saw, remember in the San Bernardino terrorist situation. And this happened over and over again, where Apple is approached by the FBI. Can you help us? We need to get into this phone. And Apple has been very adamant that they have this technology. They think that it is bad for business. They say that they are cooperating. You know, I always tend to lean towards the law enforcement side, saying, well, look, if -- we know this was a terrorist attack. We know he had two phones that he tried to destroy. We are trying to see if there any co-conspirators, because we want to find out if there's anybody here that could possibly can hurt somebody. And Apple, in a way, I think they're on the shooting range with the attorney general, saying you aren't helping us track down a terrorist suspect. Now, from Apple's perspective, I think -- they think they have a pretty good answer as to the technology is the way that it is, that this is encrypted. This is their technology, that they will do what they can. But I think that Congress is going to have to get involved to try to help solve this. Congress is always years behind new technological developments, but this is not going to end with this one incident. It is going to keep going.
WILLIAMS: So Emily, here's my thought. If you put in the code, if you are Apple, well, then that's the end of privacy, right? For me, for you, for everyone at this table, everything about you, easy access, the government will have it. So the question is do you trust Apple or do you trust the government with everything about Emily?
COMPAGNO: Well, that is part of Apple's argument. And their additional argument is that if they create that backdoor, as you said, that it will be available for bad guys to exploit too. It's not just for the good guys. They argue if we create this, it is a Pandora's Box. Now, to be clear, in that San Bernardino case, what's interesting is that the FBI ended up dropping their suit because a third party vendor is what they use to get in. So Apple never had or potentially never provided -- I don't know if it exists, they argue it doesn't -- an encryption free version of iOS. And for viewers, I think the question remains -- for myself, too, when Apple says that it complied, they say they provided iCloud backups, they provided details of transactional data, and they provided account information for multiple accounts, what does that mean? What does that mean for this exact investigation? What I want to know is the specific questions that the FBI has that they're not responding to. Because at this point, we just have someone saying I asked for this, I asked for help, and Apple says we gave it to you. What does that mean for the investigation for our safety moving forward? But the answer to your question about private companies versus the government? I mean, the answer we see in public every day all day, which is all of us with our phones that China has access to and these private companies have access to, and no one cares.
WILLIAMS: So Jesse, Jim -- I'm sorry, Bill Barr and Jim Comey agree on this. They want Apple to cooperate.
WATTERS: That's the one thing they agree on, probably.
WILLIAMS: They agree.
WATTERS: If the Saudis started going into Apple headquarters in Silicon Valley and started gunning down a bunch of Apple executives, secretaries, and Tim Cook's employees, what is he going to do? He's going to crack into that phone before the Feds can, watching his employees getting murdered by Saudi terrorists. He's not going to wait. He's going to get in there and get justice for his employees, and he's going to try to, as you said, prevent future attacks on Americans. Right now, he's so far removed from reality, he's living in this land of theory and these pure principles while someone could be plotting attack right now. And we have in this country rights to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Right to life. He's putting a dead foreign terrorists privacy rights -- if they even have any -- above our rights as Americans. And I think that's totally misguided and he needs to get some sense knocked into him.
WILLIAMS: So Greg, Apple is hardware, its software, a little different than Facebook and Google, you know, which provide platforms. Where do you come up?
GUTFELD: What is a phone? I mean, what is it? How is a phone different than your house or your car? It contains things of personal value that is true. But the difference -- oh, but the phone is encrypted. So they create a language that then creates a new environment that we're supposed to respect. Oh, my God, a phone is different. This is different. Actually, it's not because the information has been shrunk. You have the entire space program on your phone, right? So you actually have more dangerous stuff in your phone than you would if you had stockpile bombs in your house. But you can't -- but that law enforcement can still get a search warrant and go into your house, they can get into your car. So this is a bogus -- it's a bogus idea. The but the bigger story for me is that we just had a terror attack on our soil, and it didn't really get a lot of press. And the reason why it didn't get a lot of press because we're living in a different era, the Trump era where a lot of the press is devoted to Trump and the people who hate Trump. I mean, the people that -- yes, the never Trumper or so you have. All the attention is on the impeachment, all the other attention is on Trump, and what's -- what we're forgetting is that terrorists still exist. We routed ISIS, that was a great victory, but the war continues to go on, and it's ongoing and endless. And especially with technology, when you marry terror plus technology, well, I always talk about the drone with anthrax, we're in a whole new era that's going to make 9/11 look pretty small. And I think that's one reason why Trump got the Republicans behind him is because he swore that was his number one thing to take terrorists seriously, and I hope to God we still do.
WILLIAMS: All right, coming up next, actor Vince Vaughn getting a lot of attention for shaking President Trump's hand. And what Alec Baldwin is saying about Trump supporters. That's all here next on THE FIVE.
WATTERS: President Trump getting major applause and cheers, not boos one during the college football national championship. And there's another story about the game that's getting a lot of attention. Actor Vince Vaughn talking and shaking hands with President Trump. And Alec Baldwin is going after Trump supporters, blaming them for the "colossal destruction of everything that matters in America. The Vince Vaughn thing, Dana, it reminds me of the Ellen DeGeneres-Dubya meeting in the -- in the suite at the game.
PERINO: Not only that, and also Michelle Obama and Dubya.
WATTERS: Oh, yes.
PERINO: Remember, when they have their relation -- their friendship and everyone was so outraged by it. But the outrage was all -- it always comes from the left.
PERINO: It doesn't -- I don't think it's come from the right. Anybody could point that out to me. And I always think I would love to meet any president. If somebody comes, a president of the United States. It's like what an honor, the commander in chief. WATTERS: Even Barack Obama?
PERINO: I met Barack and he was lovely to me.
WATTERS: Dana, did you smile and shake his head?
PERINO: Yes, he was lovely to me.
WATTERS: How dare you?
WATTERS: Juan, I know you had a fun time with Donald Trump when you saw him in the building. You guys were taking selfies and laughing and shaking hands.
WILLIAMS: Yes, right, yes.
WATTERS: There's nothing wrong with that, right?
WILLIAMS: No, I respect the office. I mean, he wasn't president at the time. But I do think this whole segment is about Oh, the left hates Donald Trump so much, so much. Hey, you know what, this is one person, one actor, and I think he's a libertarian as I understand it.
WILLIAMS: It's fine from -- I think it's fine to respect when you run into him. But I don't think that it's good to suggest that the left is freaking out. I say what -- who's freaking out? There's one guy I saw citing.
PERINO: It's on Twitter.
WILLIAMS: Oh, Twitter. Twitter, Dana, can you say Twitter is nothing --
PERINO: I have to say, remember when Chris Christie hugged President Obama after Hurricane Sandy because he came and the --
WATTERS: It cost Romney the election.
WILLIAMS: But you can't -- you can't name five people on the left who were upset about this.
WATTERS: What do you think?
COMPAGNO: I think -- just what kills me is how -- that's civility. That's kindness. Isn't that what everyone on the left is calling for? Meaning, when we see a video like that, which is two people regardless of party, but let's say if he isn't independent, so two different parties, or a party agnostic and another one, shouldn't we be applauding that? Shouldn't the left say, Vince Vaughn, what a wonderful example of humanity above all else? But instead, they're falling into, if that is something that we should be outraged over, A, what is something that -- like, the bar becomes ridiculously low, and B, it eradicates everything that they're always calling for, which is for us to be singing Kumbaya, and all be together.
WATTERS: I'm a lip reader, Greg, and you know what Vince told the president?
WATTERS: Lock her up?
GUTFELD: Oh, really? That's amazing.
WATTERS: It's very clear to me.
GUTFELD: That's -- going back to Juan's point, are people really freaking out, or by people do we just mean people on Twitter which is what this is? And there are facsimiles of people who still have a very low investment in their opinion. They're not even thinking when they're writing stuff. I'm including myself in that point. But also, now so you see media bloggers whose -- this is their life to like clip out stuff and put it up there and hope they get lights, and maybe they can prove to their boss that people actually read their stuff when nobody really cares. It's a terrible job to have. I feel bad for you. As for Alec Baldwin talking about the colossal destruction, is he talking about the economy? Is he talking about our nation's health? Is he talking about the peace and prosperity? Because I'm trying to figure out where the colossal destruction is. I think that he might be clouded by his cognitive dissonance, and that the senses that he wanted bad things to happen and bad things haven't happened. So he's trying to meld his brain into a reality that doesn't fit. I actually feel bad for him.
WATTERS: All right. And congratulations to LSU. Big win last night. Stay tuned. Yes, Greg, there was a game last night.
WATTERS: Yes, basketball. "FASTEST SEVEN" ahead.
COMPAGNO: Welcome back. Time for the "FASTEST SEVEN." First up, love sure can get messy at times.
WATTERS: There we go.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There you go.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's fine.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you OK?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm what?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What the hell? Are you OK? I'm so --
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well --
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh no.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm over it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
COMPAGNO: That is a contestant embarrassing herself in an attempt to surprise the series bachelor Peter Weber with some bubbly. OK, you guys, this is actually when I love the Internet. I don't watch this show. I never have. But I love to that --
WATTERS: Emily, how have you and I watched it and you haven't?
GUTFELD: Yes, what's your problem?
COMPAGNO: You guys watched this show?
WILLIAMS: I agree with you.
COMPAGNO: Anyway, the internet is hilarious because of all the memes and the funny comments which my favorite was, the devil works hard, but the production team of the Bachelor works harder, honey.
WATTERS: I agree with that because this was a producer setup. There's no way that Pete is not in on this, the pilot. He's handing her a bottle of champagne and tell her to drink from it. She's like 20. She's probably never even done that before.
GUTFELD: I think she brought --
WATTERS: This was a total set up.
GUTFELD: I don't know. Here's the deal, man. Champagne is a scam. You open it up, you lose half of it on your shirt, you pay $100. You know, if champagne were hot, this wouldn't happen.
PERINO: I wish I lived in the 20s where they're drinking champagne all the time.
WATTERS: Thank you for laughing on that. What?
PERINO: I'm liking the 20s. They just drink champagne all the time.
GUTFELD: That's true. Those were the good -- were in the 20s.
PERINO: That's right.
GUTFELD: We're in the 20s.
COMPAGNO: Yes, we are.
PERINO: Yes, we should start it.
COMPAGNO: One of my favorite drinks is the last word I think which is that era, right? Anyway --
GUTFELD: What are you talking about?
COMPAGNO: Juan, what -- sorry.
WILLIAMS: I don't watch the show. It looked embarrassing. I hate to see people, you know, mock like that. But I don't really know much about it.
COMPAGNO: She signed up for it if she is doing that show.
WILLIAMS: Yes. If you do a reality show, you get what you're paid for, right? It's worse than pro football.
COMPAGNO: Yes. You said you had something else to say about it?
WATTERS: No, I have nothing to say about that. (INAUDIBLE)
COMPAGNO: All right, next up, Hollywood is not happy with this year's non- inclusive Oscars after a majority of the nominations went to male-dominated projects.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Congratulations to those men. And finally --
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Who's that?
COMPAGNO: All right, what do you guys think about that?
COMPAGNO: I mean, of course, this is going to happen because this is another example of a -- of an entrenched system where, like everything, racism and classism exists. And so for people in Hollywood, to think that they were actual activists just because they're vapid voices joined people who are actually efforting for change, and they think it's actually going to change after just one year of Twittering about it, of course not.
GUTFELD: Shouldn't -- but wait a second.
COMPAGNO: What did I do?
GUTFELD: You are so wrong, we should be focusing on talent and quality, not on traits. If you wanted to focus on traits, Emily, look at the average height of the people that win. Taller people tend to win over shorter people but we don't talk about that, do we, Dana?
PERINO: But they look taller on T.V., a lot of them are.
COMPAGNO: At the Oscars?
GUTFELD: They do. By Hollywood standards, they're tall.
PERINO: But a lot of them are short.
GUTFELD: Yes, but the thing is --
PERINO: But not pitch short.
GUTFELD: No, but this is just fodder for the mediocre to complain. Identity politics pollutes everything it goes to. Every -- and by the way, everybody gets a new angle for a story now. It's like, oh, I can't do the Oscars. Do the Oscars and people getting shut out? OK, yes, inject it with racism and sexism because then you got a new angle and you get an extra $35.00 for the post.
WILLIAMS: Well, I happen to agree with you. I think that the problem is that a lot of these studio executives haven't been given opportunity not only to women but to minorities. So to blame the Oscars, I don't think it's fair because the Oscars is going to reflect what's on the table. You got to go in and attack a deeper structure which is they do business with people like them and people, they've known, and people who have their track record. It's not the case that women can't direct film. That's not the case that minorities can't act. I mean, it's crazy, but it's not the Oscars per se, it's the system. So I think you're right.
GUTFELD: That the virtue signaling is killing movies. It's killing movies. If you just look at -- if you look at like, what's happened to the Star Wars franchise, which I haven't but --
WATTERS: I have a feeling like I'm going to say something sexist here so I'm going to ask Dana to hold my hand and just squeeze it if I go down the wrong path, OK. Can women Just admit that sometimes men produce products that are better than women?
WATTERS: And can men sometimes admit that women sometimes produce products that are -- that are better? And then, can we all admit that sometimes sex has nothing to do with the quality of the product?
WATTERS: Did I get that all right?
GUTFELD: You are going almost in the Michael Scott territory.
COMPAGNO: Yes, but that was kind of awesome. All right. Finally, researchers have discovered the age you will be most miserable. I'm so excited about this.
PERINO: Oh, I like this story.
COMPAGNO: Yes. 47.2 years, that age is found to be the moment of peak misery in the developed world. So I wanted to ask you if that was --
GUTFELD: Why me?
COMPAGNO: Is that your age?
GUTFELD: No. every decade is good because if you consider the alternative, it's pretty good. Actually, it gets better. Jonathan Roush wrote the Happiness Curve. That's about this. It doesn't get older. Everything gets better because you're smarter. You don't give a damn.
PERINO: Yes. I was --
GUTFELD: And you're not dead.
PERINO: I was really happy to hear this because I'm on the -- I'm on the happy end now, apparently.
GUTFELD: What does that mean?
WILLIAMS: Oh my God.
PERINO: Oh my God.
GUTFELD: What? I don't know what you're talking about.
PERINO: Do need me to hold your hand and squeeze --
WILLIAMS: Give him some champagne.
WATTERS: No, I think misery is a choice unless there's clinical depression.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
WATTERS: Obviously, there's a problem there.
GUTFELD: Nice save.
WATTERS: But a lot of people -- a lot of people --
WATTERS: Have a drink, go for a run, exercise, play a sport, go on a vacation, you can get out of that slump.
WILLIAMS: You know what -- you know what, I'm 65. I pass this point. But Jesse, I'm worried about you. The clock is ticking, brother. You're approaching this moment.
WATTERS: Yes, I got a few more years, Juan.
PERINO: I think he's -- OK.
WILLIAMS: You think he's going to -- he's going to pass because I think, you know what, there are a lot of sad people, broken people in the country. We got to do something about that.
WATTERS: Is that the people who didn't vote for Trump? Is that what you're saying?
WILLIAMS: Is that what it is?
COMPAGNO: All right. "ONE MORE THING" is up next.
PERINO: It's time now for "ONE MORE THING." I'll go first here. So sticking with your New Year's resolutions for fitness, it can be difficult. But if you're Dan Hill, you sometimes don't have a choice. He got locked in his gym while swimming laps when the staff left without realizing it was there. And he documented his entrapment with a Facebook post saying I am literally locked inside 24 Hour Fitness right now. They closed the doors and went home while I was swimming laps in the pool, which I don't get because it's 24 Hour Fitness, but anyway. So Dan called his wife and she told him, find a comfortable place to hunker down and sleep, and the police rescued him just before 1:00 a.m. And he -- apparently he said he's going to take some new precautions to make sure he isn't missed in the pool again. Thanks to Gail Hauser. She was on Twitter. She sent me that today. That's pretty funny.
COMPAGNO: That's hysterical. I got locked in the garage at a friend's house this weekend, and I just texted and then it took a while for them to get the text and then --
COMPAGNO: I was help -- I was helping myself to the fun fridge and then I got locked in the garage. That is like my worst nightmare, that guy. Did you -- late at night locked in a gym.
WATTERS: He didn't have a fun fridge. I mean --
PERINO: All right, Greg.
GUTFELD: God. All right, Fox Nation, if you're a subscriber, go check out Tyrus' "NUFF SAID." He interviews me. We talk about movies, we talk about our lives, it's a lot of fun. Go there. If you're not a subscriber, you should do that. It's a lot of fun. It's like an hour interview. All right, let's do this more important. Greg's peloton news. As you know, I purchased the peloton for the wife, but she hasn't used it yet, but I've used it. I'm having a hard time getting on that damn thing with the shoes. I have some footage of me trying to get on the peloton. That's really hard. It's like takes me forever to get on there and try to clip the shoes in. So I'm often just kind of there. This is my exercise for -- this is what I do.
PERINO: It gets your heart rate up.
GUTFELD: It's got the -- there, I finally get on there. Everything is good, but I could keep watching that forever, my tiny little legs.
WATTERS: How's Anton, by the way, Greg?
GUTFELD: Anton is great. He's the -- he's the beginning trainer, yes. He keep telling me I'm better than that.
PERINO: You can do it. You can stick with it. All right, Jesse.
WATTERS: Jesse's fish tales. There we go. Look at that hat. I hate fishing, actually. Get a load of this Warsaw grouper off the coast of Florida, 350 pounds. This Fish is 50 years old, a little old for fish, still younger than Greg, though.
WILLIAMS: Right around the misery index. I mean, that's what happens --
WATTERS: You die, you get caught.
GUTFELD: It's like a Liz Warren lie.
WILLIAMS: Oh, my gosh.
COMPAGNO: How long would it lived otherwise if it wasn't cut --
PERINO: They using -- they were going to use it for some scientific research though, so don't be too upset.
GUTFELD: And then eat it.
PERINO: All right, Juan.
WILLIAMS: All right, I think you know more about my "ONE MORE THING" than I do. Celebrating, your return with a box of chocolates, flowers. That's totally old school. How about something fresh, like a reunion with this most famous person you've ever met. Take a look at the retirement party for iHeartRadio receptionist Anita Scipio.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ANITA SCIPIO, RECEPTIONIST, IHEARTRADIO: Oh my God. I can't believe it.
WILL SMITH, ACTOR: You're retiring.
SCIPIO: I'm retiring, sweetheart. Oh my God.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Yes, that's actor Will Smith. He met Scipio when he came to do his first interview as an actor 30 years ago. Since then, obviously, four Grammys, nominated for two Oscars. Smith wrote on Instagram, "She said I made her day, you all, she made mine." Fresh Prince, Men and Black star, he deserves an Academy for that performance.
PERINO: All right, Emily.
COMPAGNO: OK, speaking of French Prince, I love this. So Burger King basically came out and offered these two new former Royals now regular people who need jobs, a job. They tweeted, if you're looking for a job, we have a new crown for you, which I think is so witty and funny. They said, do like thousands of people and take your first steps in the world of work with us. You know that the crown will suit you perfectly. And then they included a link for an application for a job. I love it. Isn't that awesome?
GUTFELD: No, it's not.
COMPAGNO: It is awesome.
WATTERS: What do they call fries in Great Britain? What do they call them?
WATTERS: Would you like some chips with that? That's my British accent.
COMPAGNO: That's annoying. It's like coming to --
PERINO: All right, set your DVR. Never miss an episode of THE FIVE. I'll see you on "TUCKER" later on. But "SPECIAL REPORT" is up next. Hey, Bret.
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