President Trump dares Speaker Pelosi to vote on impeachment inquiry

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," October 4, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Dagen McDowell, Juan Williams, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is “The Five.”

President Trump unloading on Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden, and other Democrats during a fiery showdown with the media. Trump telling House Speaker to put up or shut up about impeachment. He's ready to send Pelosi a letter daring her to put Democrats on record by holding a vote.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT: This is the greatest witch hunt in the history of our country. So, the Democrats, unfortunately, they have the votes, they could vote very easily, even though most of them, many of them, don't believe they should do it.

Pelosi and their real leaders, AOC plus three, that's their real leaders. I really believe that they're going to pay a tremendous price at the polls.


WATTERS: Trump also turning up the heat on the Biden's, it comes as Ukraine's top prosecutors says he's reviewing cases that involved the energy company Hunter Biden worked for. The president calling out what he says a serious corruption from sleepy Joe and his son.


TRUMP: I was investigated by the Obama administration. What I saw Biden do with his son, he is pillaging these countries and he's hurting us. We want to investigate anything having to do with corruption. I'm only interested in corruption. I don't care about politics. I don't care about Biden's politics. I've watched Biden over the years and Biden is not the brightest person. I never thought he was going to win, he got taken off of the garbage heap by Obama.


WATTERS: While Trump fights back against impeachment, a member of the squad is threatening to throw Trump officials in prison.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: What happens when they don't comply? This is the first time we've ever had a situation like this, so they're trying to figure out, no joke. They're trying to figure out, well, is it the D.C. police that goes against them? No, no. What do we hold them? I will tell them they can hold off those people right here in Detroit. We'll take care of them.


WATTERS: Now, we remembered, Dana, she was the one at the beginning who said we have to impeach the mother f-er. And now she wants to lock him up.

DANA PERINO, HOST: Yeah. So on the lock him up thing, so that's not how any of this works. But, you know, I think she probably knows that. It was interesting to see some of the reactions at these town halls when these members were back, and hearing from them get a little bit ahead of themselves. And I imagine that Nancy Pelosi who is wanting to be the very measured person, very thoughtful person, she's the prayerful one, but she has all these Democrats out there saying things like, we want to -- well, whatever Maxine Waters said. I can't remember that one.

WATTERS: Isolated --

PERINO: Yeah, solitary confinement. The Trump's White House is trying to convince the American people that the Democrats are just doing everything political, and that's working in their favor in a lot of ways, especially when you have the chairman of the intelligence committee, Adam Schiff, getting four Pinocchio's from the Washington Post for not being fully forthcoming about the committee's contact with the whistleblower before the complaint was filed.

Do think though that the White House has some resetting to do as well, because the more they talk about this, the more they're not able to say on that one key message, which is the Democrats are the do-nothing Democrats, and that we're actually here doing stuff on behalf of the American people, talking about the economy, the unemployment rate down again, the 3.5 percent. The stock market is having a little bit of resurgence. I look to Dagen for that.

The House really isn't a question for the Democrats, they have 235 votes. The Senate, there's very little chance, like maybe zero minuscule chance that the Republicans would ever join the Democrats in this effort. So, now, really, it's in the court of public opinion. The American people will decide. But if I were in the White House I'd reset a little bit over the weekend.

WATTERS: But that should be the cornerstone to the strategy. It's the do- nothing Democrats and this is a partisan inside job witch hunt. You've mentioned the Pinocchio's, the president also mentioned some Pinocchio's. Let's listen and Juan can react.


TRUMP: Well, I heard Adam Schiff got four Pinocchio's. That's good. He should have gotten them two and a half years ago. When I speak to foreign leaders I speak in an appropriate way. If you notice, they don't mention the call that I had with the president of Ukraine. They don't mention that because it was so good. The only time they mentioned it was when Adam Schiff made it up. You talk about Pinocchio's, that should get ten Pinocchio's.


WATTERS: Ten, that's quite a few. Juan, do you think -- do you regret that Adam Schiff wasn't honest when he didn't tell everybody, even people in his committee that he met with the whistleblower before?

JUAN WILLIAMS, HOST: Well, he didn't meet --

WATTERS: His team did.

WILLIAMS: No, people who are on his staff --


WILLIAMS: Right. But he didn't. And I think that he got four Pinocchio's because he never cleared it up. He had every opportunity to say, hey, what I meant to say was they didn't meet with me or with the panel, or the committee, but they met with committee staff. And so, I think, he was properly chastened, I think he made a mistake. And I think he made a mistake with the parity, you know. I understand it was just, you know, summarizing what the president had to say, but it's right there in front of you, so he should have just read it.

My feeling is though it's pretty funny to hear the president say, this is all about corruption. I'm just concerned about corruption. I'm not concern about politics. Wait a minute, the only time I see him screaming about corruption with the Ukrainians, the Russians, anybody else, it's Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton. I've not heard anybody else cited by President Trump with regard to corruption. So I think this is highly --

WATTERS: I think Afghanistan he's mentioned corruption. He mentioned corruption in China. He has mentioned corruption --

WILLIAMS: No, no. With China with who?



WATTERS: Mexico, Central America, I mean, there's lots of corrupt nations out there. Dagen, how do you see this unfolding at the end of the week?

DAGEN MCDOWELL, HOST: Well, everybody always likes to act like President Trump is unhinged, but that was brilliant political messaging because now he's trying to change the focus not just from Ukraine, but to China, and the Biden's. And more and more, Joe Biden, from the Democrat perspective, looks expendable. He's disposable. He is political picnic cutlery, if you will. They can get rid of him. They hate Trump more than they like Joe Biden, clearly. They're betting this impeachment push completely on the Ukraine or Ukraine.

It's going to mean a drip, drip, drip, drop, drop, plot, plot, about Hunter Biden coming out of the Ukraine and his -- I mean, it's obvious influence peddling, whether Joe -- whatever the vice president know about it or not. And it smells like pay to play. That's going to be the messaging.

Biden already had a reputation for being undisciplined, lousy at fund- raising. He's still lousy at fundraising, rusty and unfocused, and he represents everything that the very left-wing party hates. I think that he's a goner, and he's barely leading in the national poll.

WATTERS: And not only that, Dot Com has a great piece right now and it's citing devastating characterizations of his fundraising hall by other Democrats in the party. He's actually lost momentum from the first and second quarter here. He's being outraged not only by Sanders and Warren, but by Buttigieg. And that's not good.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: No, it's not, Jesse. No, it's not. M just thinking, you know, how -- it wasn't too long ago the Dems cared so much about pursuing corruption, remember that? The collusion -- but now when Trump wants to pursue corruption. So I tell them to STFU. You know what that stands for, Dana?

PERINO: I think so.

GUTFELD: Silence the false ukulele.


GUTFELD: Yes. Here's a theory -- I have a theory on why -- the media is talking about how angry Donald Trump is, as if they have nothing to do with it, right? I have a theory on why Donald Trump is actually expressing anger, and it has nothing to do with a fear of the candidates, because I do believe that he really does want Joe Biden, which is why it's not a political thing, it's a corruption thing, because he wants to go up against Joe Biden because Joe Biden is shaky. He's like an Ikea dresser.

PERINO: That you put together yourself.

GUTFELD: Yeah, you put together. My theory is politics makes everyone political by their team sports structure, right? You're either on one side or the other. And I think that's what's upsetting Trump is that as a -- once a private citizen, there were no sides to him -- to him at all. There were just people you paid, right? He gave donations to Republicans. He gave donations to Democrats. Now, he's found himself in this two-sided prison, right? And he's like watching people call him political who created the political environment well before he got there, and while he's there.

So he's trying -- so think about this. A guy that's never been political, who's basically CEO for the country, whether you like it or not. He's got full employment. He's got a great economy. He got prison reform. He got drug reform. He's got trade resets whether you like it or not, and worse of being drawn down. Lot of this stuff doesn't land on one side, it's on every side. You could be a lefty and like prison reform. You could be a righty and like whatever else he's doing, the immigration stuff. The wars, libertarians must love this guy.

So he is not a partisan person. So when you see somebody who is angry, he's angry that there's a side going against him in which he's trying to please all sides. And he realized that achievement, and they are achievements, are no match for a political party married to the media. He's getting all this crap done, but nobody cares.

WILLIAMS: You know what? I think it's about him. What you just said was it's all about him. There's no party, it's the party of Trump.

GUTFELD: What if he's doing well, though?


GUTFELD: We live in a peaceful, prosperous times, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Yeah, it was peace and prosperous before. But I'm just saying - -


WILLIAMS: But I'll tell you what strikes me is that he said today the Democrats have the votes to impeach him, right? And to me, this was an important thing to say because he's saying, you know what, so that's gonna happen. He doesn't think they can beat him in the Senate. There will be no conviction.


WILLIAMS: So he's looking down the road. My sense to this is that he wants to win, what's Jesse was talking about earlier which is the persuadables.


WILLIAMS: And he wants to win in a court of public opinion.

GUTFELD: Which he should.

WILLIAMS: Well, he might. I don't know. I mean, that's why he's going after Schiff. That's why he's -- but you've got to come back to the idea, hey, you know what, we don't need any of this. We all have that memo transcript thing --


GUTFELD: And also you have -- so you have a litany of achievements, and you realize that this tug-of-war is anything -- it's anything but. I mean, it's all political, right? It's all political. I feel like I'm the tour guide at Universal Studios, that I have to -- that I'm actually showing the viewers how this show is done, that this is all a show. None of this is real. It's all political. Doesn't matter who's in charge. It happened to Obama, it happened to Clinton, it happened to Bush, it happened to Reagan, and it's happening to Trump.

WATTERS: And it's not just about Trump. He wants what's best for the American people, and he's watching Democrats do nothing on the new NAFTA deal, do nothing on drug prices, and not help anybody achieve a better life, right? That's the do-nothing Democrats. That's what he's frustrated about.

WILLIAMS: That is so wrong.

WATTERS: Mayor Pete going Hollywood, Kamala Harris embarrasses herself on the campaign trail, and Andrew Yang skates, 2020 round up, up next.


PERINO: Welcome back, time for your 2020 round up. Mayor Pete goes Hollywood raising campaign cash and hanging out with big name celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio, and even taking a selfie with Paris Hilton. Buttigieg getting major showbiz support during a Los Angeles fund-raiser Tuesday, and he's heading back this weekend. What do you think, Greg, Mayor Pete in L.A.?

GUTFELD: I think that's exactly how you connect with voters, you hang out with Leo DiCaprio and Paris Hilton. One made a truly impressive film that will be remembered for ages, and the other is Leo DiCaprio.


GUTFELD: Thank you very much.

PERINO: Sliding doors?


PERINO: Or something like that.

GUTFELD: Tip Jesse on the way out.


PERINO: Are you on your way out? What do you think?

WATTERS: I mean, what is this, 2002? You hand out with Leo and Paris Hilton? Get real. If I'm a big-time Democrat, I go to Hollywood, I'm hanging out with like Denzel, Bradley Cooper --

GUTFELD: I love you.

WATTERS: -- Jennifer Aniston. Those are the stars you want to hang out with --

GUTFELD: Jennifer Aniston, yes, she's definitely 2019.


WATTERS: It's a Ross thing.

GUTFELD: Yeah, it's a Ross thing.

WATTERS: It's a Ross thing.

GUTFELD: You just hope that she thinks you're Ross.


PERINO: Juan, Mayor Pete -- he raised $19.1 million in that third quarter after he was written off, basically. In the second quarter, remember he went back home, he had the problems back there, but he's weathered that storm?

WILLIAMS: That's better than anyone thinks and, especially, is compared to Biden, right? So he's doing very well. Sanders in the hospital, but he did very well, too. I think he raised --

PERINO: $25 million.

WILLIAMS: So what you're seeing here is Warren is at 24. So the winners this week in terms of the money, which is always important, are Sanders and Warren and Buttigieg. So, what you get here is -- Greg's making fun of Buttigieg for being out in Hollywood, but you don't hear him making fun at Trump for hanging out with Wall Street guys, Mr. Populism. I think --

GUTFELD: I would if you gave me a chance.




GUTFELD: Greg's not making fun of those blank.

WILLIAMS: But I think, you know, deep pockets exists for different group and different places. The big dollar donors. And if you're a Democrat, and Buttigieg has proved this right with his success in fund raising, you go where the money is. The money for him, out in Hollywood.

MCDOWELL: All right. So Hillary Clinton raise way more money from Wall Street and from the investment community than Donald Trump did. And Donald Trump, well, she's not the president, let's just leave it at that. I rather eat a bowl of bees that hang out with those --


MCDOWELL: He's out there lining up a production deal with Netflix, I bet. That's his next step. The Obamas did it. He's already looking down --


PERINO: Up next, Kamala Harris' campaign struggles continue. The candidate wasn't expecting this answer when she asked supporters if they were ready for her to be president.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: There's this whole conversation that's been coming up about electability. Focus on our campaign. Is America ready for that?




PERINO: Cringe worthy, Greg?

GUTFELD: It's so weird. She is as persuasive as a DMV bureaucrat. It's like -- if you've always get the feeling that to her is it 5 PM yet. These idiots don't deserve me. Like her level of tolerance is getting thinner and lower, and I don't know -- I keep expecting her to say, that's it, I've had enough, I'm out of here. I thought she was going to be a much stronger candidate than she is.

PERINO: What do you, Juan? You hear anything about that of her candidacy?

WILLIAMS: Well, first of all, I think it's dangerous to extrapolate from that little bit of tape. You know, I mean, she is not doing well in the polls, but I don't know that that's indicative -- that was a gun event, I believe, out in Reno. And so, you don't know who's got the audience pack. Which candidate put money in time into getting their people there?

But I will say she's not doing as well in the polls. Greg and I are on the same page here. I just thought she'd be a much stronger candidate. I think she's very attractive as a senator, and as a fund raiser, and the fact that she's from California would give her a tremendous base with California moving up in the primary calendar. But she just has not performed.

PERINO: Dagen, she called for the -- twitter to suspend President Trump's twitter account this week. At the end of the week if you're tallying it all up, what do you think? What kind of a week did she have?

MCDOWELL: Desperation is the world's worst perfume. She's not in the top three in any of the early state polls. Not even in her own state of California. She's fourth -- in fourth place in Nevada, and she's behind Pete Buttigieg in the national polls. But I give this woman a lot of credit, because if somebody had done that to me I would have chucked that microphone at --


PERINO: If you're willing to do a campaign event like that and you're going to ask a question on the crowd, you've got to be sure you've got your people there.

WATTERS: Yeah, I would probably quarantine the crowd beforehand with some tough security guys just to make sure there's --


GUTFELD: But you do that anyway.

WATTERS: Yeah, I run a tight ship. No hecklers in my crowd. I can't handle it.

PERINO: And Kamala Harris is actually polling lower than Andrew Yang in her own state. Speaking of him, mover over Beto, Andrew Yang also knows how to shred on a skateboard. I don't even know what that is. Is that like --




PERINO: So he just keeps going, Greg. He's like --

GUTFELD: I feel bad --

PERINO: -- energizer bunny.

GUTFELD: I feel bad for Beto. You know, he thought, you know, he was the cool one. You know, he know all the words. The magnificent seven by the clash. He thought that he had all the best t-shirts, and here comes this other guy who's just another better, smarter version of him. Can I use the Beto max joked two days in a row?


GUTFELD: He's like Beto max. And Vanity Fair mistook his kind of self- obsession for thoughtful intellect.


GUTFELD: That's all.

PERINO: I don't know. What do you make of him raising -- I think $10 million in that third quarter?

MCDOWELL: He's charming, but this is his new climate change plan. This is how Americans are now going to come in to work. Everybody gets their own skateboard. He did say we might not own our own cars. Remember, he's going to tax cattle farmers, so people eat less meat. I hate anyone on a skateboard, particularly a man in a suit. I stand on a street corner and just hoping it hit a pot hole.


MCDOWELL: It's hipster hooey that you see all over New York City, and it's the same thing with Andy Yang.

PERINO: He is calling --

WILLIAMS: You should try it, apparently -- what do we say you raise $10 million? I can't believe this. You know where it's coming from? It's coming from millennial skateboarding making you angry.

PERINO: He is polling at 2 percent nationally, and Senator's Klobucher and Booker are at 1 percent. Do you think that kind of --

WILLIAMS: I think he's like a, you know, bright, shiny, new person on the scene, and appealing to people who think they haven't have voice. Now, I thought Beto O'Rourke was going to be that person, but it's Andrew Yang. And I thought Yang, actually, would be more interesting, do better at the debates. If you notice, he has not been a player at the debate. So this is about his persona.

PERINO: Nobody ever asked him a question, right?

WILLIAMS: They do ask him a question --

WATTERS: He needs to interrupt more.


WATTERS: Yang-yang got swag. I never thought he could skate like that before. And he can play basketball, too.

GUTFELD: Here's the question. Biden's in trouble? Should he get on a skateboard? Put on some wraparound sunglasses, put his baseball cap on backwards, be like the kids?

PERINO: And then get a flu shot.

GUTFELD: Yes, get a flu shot.

PERINO: All right, next up on “The Five,” a staggering amount -- New York City could fine you for saying these two words, illegal alien.


WILLIAMS: New York City cracking down on the use of certain words. Residents could be fined up to $250,000 for doing any of the following in a derogatory or demeaning way. One, saying the term illegal, or illegal alien, two, threatening to call ICE, you know, immigration on someone, or three, asking employees to speak English. I've often ask you to speak English, Jesse.


WATTERS: Oh, very funny, Juan. Well, when we were assigned this, I thought who better to ask than Andrew Napolitano, judicial analyst of Fox News, because I agree with almost all of his opinions on most matters. And he said this ordinance is unconstitutional on its face, and will be struck down as soon as the proper challenge is filed.


WATTERS: The point is, Juan, is that the administration here in Manhattan cares more about not offending illegal immigrants than protecting the constitutional rights of U.S. citizens. They're saying that if I catch some MS-13 guy like hot wiring my car and I say, hey, illegal, scram or I'll call ICE. That means I get fine a quarter million dollars and then he gets to stay here. That's basically the point. My fine is bigger than his fine.

WILLIAMS: Well, I think there's a first amendment that guarantees you the right to say these things. But, as I read this, this is an advisory from the human rights commission, but does that make it any less crazy?

PERINO: It doesn't make it any less unconstitutional.


PERINO: And, also -- beware of things that are started in Europe, and then work their way over here. So, for example, in Britain right now, this would be true. If you say something disparaging -- if I hear Jesse say anything disparaging about anybody, I can go to the police and the police can come and talk to him about it, and they can arrest him and out of his home, because he said something in the privacy of his own home that is now on the ban word list. It's really, really bad.

And Europe is trying to put a whole bunch of their ideas and regulations on tech companies, tech companies that are base here in America, and I think we should stand up against it.

WILLIAMS: Well, it's not a bad thing. Even in a business, Dagen -- Dagen, I think in -- Greg, you might know that. In a business, if I'm telling Jesse a joke and you don't like it, you can report us.

GUTFELD: And I would be a big jerk for doing that. And this human rights commission are bunch of jerks. Cracking down on words, I can't believe I've heard that. Not deeds but words. This is about as anti-America you get. And that fine is design to terrify you because -- $250,000 fine can ruin somebody's life.

WATTERS: Only Bloomberg could afford that fine.

GUTFELD: Yes. So it is meant to scare you into obedience. Imagine if the phrase was used as a joke or trash talk for a punch line, or the title of the song by Phil Collins. I want to ask leftist according to - are you all right with the law fining people for jokes and for arts, right? Not just ICE agents, but people who are saying it is part of a script. Are you okay with that?

WILLIAMS: All right. So let me just raise another point here. So in fair facts Virginia a policeman briefly suspended because when went to a traffic accident, he discovered that one of the people involved wasn't a legal immigrant undocumented having want to say it and he called immigration. And the police officials said that's contrary to our department policy. What do you think?

MCDOWELL: Yes, he's back on the job. He had the horror of police officers enforcing the laws of the land. Let me just leave that out there. But in terms of the words and the deeds of these people because this is a deed this gentleman, this officer was punished briefly.

And the words, it's an effort to normalize the idea that there is just free immigration that we don't have any borders and anyone can come here, and if you come here without a visa then that is okay. That's what they are trying to do. They're trying to shut down the idea that we actually have an immigration system in this country.

WILLIAMS: Well, wait a second New York City is a sanctuary city. This is I think one of the safest cities in the world and may be because there is a good indication between the immigrant community and the police department.

MCDOWELL: I would argue that it looks a little bit safer because they haven't been enforcing low level, crimes, because I see shoplifting every single day of stores where they can't afford it. So if they're going to go after you with a quarter million dollar fine for using words, but by the way, don't step in that human excrement because we don't clean up.

WATTERS: Yes, this is like a killer on the loose today here?

GUTFELD: Yes. There's actually somebody killed his wife in a horrifying fashion and the bronze and he is still out in New York.

WATTERS: Greg has been stressed out about this all day.

GUTFELD: I am because it - people writing these tropical stories about the movie "The Joker", and then there is a real joker out there to just committed a heinous crime in New York City and nobody knows the story.

WILLIAMS: And what about the shoplifting that they get - she has been in the green room watching you. All right.

MCDOWELL: I was chased into a parking garage by a guy using a four-letter word that starts with a third letter of the alphabet. And you know what happened?

GUFELD: I talked to kill me about that and I said he was slightly drunk.

WILLIAMS: All right. Okay, stay right there people because the "Fastest Seven" with all of its fun, up next on THE FIVE.


MCDOWELL: Welcome back at time for the Fastest Seven. First up, Greg.

GUTFELD: Animals are great.

MCDOWELL: Especially when they are right around your Airbnb.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: This is Hamish; he's a bit braver.


MCDOWELL: The vacation little giant launching an animal experiences category. So now you can walk a pig on a leash, paddleboard with a super cute corgi or meet the dogs that survive Chernobyl. Greg.

GUTFELD: I'm not sure combining sleeping arrangements with a petting zee is going to end well.

PERINO: But you've warning about for years.

GUTFELD: I've been talking about it for years. Once you start sleeping with pets. It's illegal in most states, Dana, I will have you know. Not all states, Jesse, in case you were interested.


WATTERS: I mean I wouldn't let a farm animal near my tea and crumpets that's disgusting it's unsanitary or pig that survived Chernobyl I mean that's how you die. But I honestly think there's sexual component towards this. There is got to be a sick deviant component involved in sleeping and dining with certain farm animals and paying for the experience $41.

MCDOWELL: There is lot of guts though.

WATTERS: You can stroke the animal afterwards. I saw the whole thing.

GUTFELD: No one is going to pull the wool over your eyes.


GUTFELD: You're bad.

PERINO: But this is going to give me a great idea for how to just we can make some extra money.

GUTFELD: They are capitalists.

MCDOWELL: The dogs of Chernobyl that money goes to charity by the way.

PERINO: Sure it does.

WILLIAMS: But you don't want the animals to be exploited. I'd say that's number one but number two is it's a lot like a safari but a more tame version, right?

GUTFELD: I don't need this stress.

WILLIAMS: The stress of having them around would--

GUTFELD: You know what they're doing? They are suckering the Airbnb people into taking care of their pets. Sure you can stay at our apartment or house. While you are there, feed my sheep. Here's a radioactive pig.


GUTFELD: If there is any treats he is selling it as an effect of the old time store here like paying the fence story. Am I under right thing now? Yes, was my hallucinating again?

MCDOWELL: You book goats on your show for paid sake.

WATTERS: Emotional support goats.

MCDOWELL: What they could be emotional support for--

WATTERS: Yes, it sounds--

MCDOWELL: There is yet another new downside to our technology addiction. 60 percent of Millennial so that they can't relax because they are constantly having to check their phones and some admitting that they struggle to go 10 minutes without looking at their devices.

WATTERS: So all you hear about Millennial as they live in their parent's basement, they don't have jobs, they don't have boyfriends, girlfriends and they don't have any money. So what are they looking at their phone for? What's the urgency? What do they expect to see on their phone? No one is calling them; they don't have work emails, what the heck?

MCDOWELL: Actually nine in ten regularly checked their phones even when they know they are known no new messages to read.

PERINO: I guess this thing working.

GUTFELD: I'll admit that there are times that I do this. Did you ever notice - but I won't get into it but this is a testament to all the old farts that fart wars that died in wars who built bridges in highways so that the immediate stress that these young people are feeling are in their hand and self-created. You think about the stresses going back 40, 50 or 60 years, this is their stress.

WATTERS: I've been making that point for years now.

PERINO: Also I think that their parents put this in their heads. They are so obsessed with relaxation but it consumes their thinking. They are consumed, they want to know - I'm stressed because I'm not relaxed. But I can't relaxed because I'm stressed. And it's like this vicious circle. You have a personal responsibility, if you have free will, you can do something about it.

GUTFELD: The most stressful thing a meditation app.

PERINO: That's the worst, you feel like you have to pick keep clicking on.

WILLIAMS: To me, what we've been talking about this on this show for a while that it's changing human behavior but what's crazy to me is that people walking on the street are on it and what are they looking for? To your point Jesse, I don't understand it because to my mind, are they feeling like I won't be up to date or there is a breaking news story?

GUTFELD: Don't stop that.

WILLIAMS: I don't bother, you got to call me.

WATTERS: All right, I'll call you.

MCDOWELL: But you know what is more stressful than a meditation app, actually having to meditate with human beings in the room.

GUTFELD: You know what they are probably doing? They're going to probably, what did Trump tweet now? That's why they're stressed no.

MCDOWELL: That's actually true. There are people who hate him, who follow him on Twitter, just for the amusement. A growing number of Americans now choosing to sleep apart to make sure they get enough sleep. A survey found that 25 percent of married couples snooze in separate beds and 10 percent stay in completely separate bedrooms. Experts say snoring is a top reason for the move. Greg, that's because men sleep hot and ugly.

GUTFELD: I wouldn't know I'm asleep.

PERINO: And they sleep well, that's actually annoying to me.

WATTERS: It is true. But I do wake myself up from snoring, which is always hilarious, you did does that ever happened to you? It's the funniest thing, because if you hear your sleep at night Greg?

GREG: I don't know. I sleep actually in a vertical sleeping bag in a closet.

WATTERS: I think it's a conspiracy by real estate agents to sell you two and three-bedroom apartments instead of the one that you really need.

GREG: Yes, this is not electrically in New York.

MCDOWELL: It's not the bedroom, it's the bathrooms. Women want separate bathrooms, because it only takes one time of falling in the toilet.

PERINO: Well, I think or like one bathroom with separate sinks. But if you are married you should be together, in my opinion. But also, I don't know what happened though when I went to the White House, Peter would snore a lot and I would get so annoyed. And I would wake up - then if I woke up I was awake all night. But he doesn't snore anymore. I don't know what happened.

WATTERS: Are you sure it's Peter?

PERINO: I think so. And Jasper doesn't snore so we are in good shape.

MCDOWELL: It's the clean New York air.

WILLIAMS: So you know, what I know what this was, when I watched TV - old time shows like the "Bewitched" and "I Love Lucy"? Separate bed.

PERINO: Well, that was more about propriety, when they didn't want to show people sleeping together. What was the first show that had --?

MCDOWELL: The Brady Bunch, they had one giant king bed.


GUTFELD: Three separate bedrooms but only one bed do you need to remake in the morning.

MCDOWELL: Up next everybody, it's "Fan Mail Friday". Don't go anywhere.


GUTFELD: It's a "Fan Mail Friday." Let's get to your questions. This is of Candace - If you could go on a free 30 minute shopping spree, what store would you pick? Dana, you must know this immediately.

PERINO: Nordstrom. And I'm so excited because the women's at Nordstrom store is opening up by Central Park very soon, like in a month.

GUTFELD: They had a great return policy until I abused it. Jesse?

WATTERS: I would go next door o the Diamond District and just pull it all and, like that.

WILLIAMS: You know my answer earlier this week stayed in my mind. You said the definition of success is how much money?


GUTFELD: Of all the things I said this week that is what you're remembering? Nothing about Trump and impeachment?

WILLIAMS: You know because I - you know why you say that all the time. Why did you think money equates with success? I was curious.

GUTFEELD: It took the barometer. We are getting a little off-topic.

WILLIAMS: I think Dana has got, I like Nordstrom a lot but I also think like Ted Baker.

PERINO: Wow, Ted Baker. I'm wearing a Ted Baker dress.

WILLIAMS: Yes, I mean, if you could and also you know what I see a lot of young people line up like at the Nike store when they have new sneakers coming on. They've got a lot of crazy sneakers and I know somebody whose initials are GG and he loves great sneakers.

GUTFELD: Look at these is amazing, look at that. I can't remember the name of the store anyway Dagen?

MCDOWELL: Porsche dealership.

GUTFELD: I would go to a time traveling store.

PERINO: By a clock?

GUTFELD: If you could wear your favorite almost comfortable clothes to work, what would you be wearing Jesse?

WATTERS: Sweatpants, my row back, three quarters app and my slippers.

GUTFELD: Nice slippers are that like my pillow? I just came up with a zillion dollar product and I will buy all the ads on Fox. My slippers!

WILLIAMS: Nice slippers.

WATTERS: My feet, they ache!


GUTFELD: What are you doing in my shoe --? All right Dagen.

MCDOWELL: I do actually. I come to work at 3:00 every morning, you see me.

WILLIAMS: You do, you wear track pants.

MCDOWELL: Yes or running shorts and a New York Rangers T-shirt and I only have three so it might be dirty and a Denim jacket.

PERINO: I like that.

GUTFELD: And what could you wear if you could wear?

WILLIAMS: A sweat suit.

GUTFELD: What did the people do before sweat suits - they do to be comfortable in the old days before they wear track suits and sweat suits? What did they wear?

MCDOWELL: Well, three-piece suit.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

PERINO: I would wear my athlete outfit. I've got the pants and a jacket and a long-sleeved top. I would wear that.

GUTFELD: I would wear what I wore to the park which is an overcoat. Remember in the old days that was short hand for a pervert, overcoats? What's the craziest way you've been injured and what was the injury?

WILLIAMS: I know what happened.


WILLIAMS: I was working late one night and I got in the cab to go home but the strap to my raincoat got stuck outside it, and when the cab took off it caught the belt and I went to grab the belt and it broke my finger. And you know where I was going the next day? Disneyland and my son Tony, I would carry him around and he would grab my finger.


MCDOWELL: I was trying to flirt with my English Professor in college and I was going into a meeting in his office and I tripped and fell on the desk and split my chin open.



MCDOWELL: That was the end of it.

WILLIAMS: Was impressed?


PERINO: I think the hardest I've been hit, when I got hit in the face in Iraq.

GUTFELD: Oh, that's right. Yes, you're the most famous.

PERINO: The boom mic hit me. Not the shoe.

GUTFELD: You, Jesse?

WATTERS: Well, you knew my black Friday story, remember I came there with a big bandage and I told everybody because I was wrestling someone for a flat screen.


WATTERS: Yes, but it was really a lie, I just hit my head on the mirror because I was hung over.


PERINO: You accept you were looking at yourself very closely?

GUTFELD: Take it to the chin today. All right, I got second degree burns from skiing. Who does that? Yes, I forgot to wear sunscreen when I went skiing and I woke up and saw the shadow, my shadow right? I woke up at all the people in the room are going that's funny take it off your face. And I had - and I look like the elephant man. I had things this big and everybody there was in like seven seventh or eighth grades they were all laughing we're at bunk beds. And it was again it cut them off my face. I still have them here, they are right here. Up next, live slippers.


WATTERS: Time now for one more thing. I will go first. You all know diabetes is a very big issue. My friend Dustin Grasses's son Dominic he has diagnosed Type One Diabetes a few years ago and the whole Grasser family has been very active in raising money for research.

Next Saturday October 19th there is a charity walk in Heckscher Park in Long Island. So you can donate or take a part in that. And Justin's team is Dominick's dominators also dominating this weekend, "Watters' World." 8 PM, we have a Hunter Biden investigation, his personal life and his public life. First we talk about the AOC Town Hall that went wild the other day, and Billy Bob Thorton is in the House to talk about Trump and the homeless crisis. All that stuff.

MCDOWELL: Goliath.

WATTERS: Yes. Dana?

PERINO: All right. Taco-bout a holiday, a national Taco holiday we went out and got some of our favorites to celebrate because you're the Taco Dumbo here. Did you know that the first Taco is believed to be invented between 1,500 BC? Americans eat 4.5 billion Tacos a year. And the first Taco shop originated in New York in 1966 because Scott Sanders told me, I'm going to have, is anyone else having a Taco?

GUTFELD: No, it's cultural appropriation.

MCDOWELL: I'm all ends.

WATTERS: Let's go, let's eat it.

PERINO: This is like "Feeding Frenzy"! You know we're not eating. I'll have got this for you. They say do you want to do this or something?

GUTFELD: You appropriated my "Feeling Frenzy"

PERINO: They said do you want to do this really feel good thing or food and I said best food for Jesse.

WATTERS: Right, all have a bite. Greg?

GUTFELD: All right. I'm just going to promote "The Greg Gutfeld Show" Saturday October 5th. Oh, I have Dana Perino, Mike Bakers, Kat Timpf and Tyrus 10 PM tomorrow night, watch it or you mean nothing to me. Also, my monologues' live are coming to your city. I've still got tickets available October 12th in Omaha but I'm also going to be in Jacksonville, Durham, Cleveland, and Knoxville if you go to You can find the tickets and the date.

PERINO: Lots of great cities.

GUTFELD: They are great cities, all over the country. All right, Juan, please.

WILLIAMS: My mom is faster than your mom and that's no joke if you are Allyson Felix's daughter after delivering a baby last November. She set a record this week at the World Championship in Qatar. She won her 12th gold medal that gives her the record for the most gold at the Track and Field World Championships surpassing even Usain Bolt. She is not trying to make her fifth Olympic team and you should know she is one of the women who got Nike to change its policy to give more support to pregnant women. "Run, Mom, Run".

GUTFELD: Very good. All right, Dagen.

MCDOWELL: The claw machine who didn't love that?

GUTFELD: That was my nickname.

MCDOWELL: So the human claw machine. Take a look at this. These are in malls across China. This is in China, Japan, and the Philippines. Kids are strapped into a harness and then dipped down and they get to dig in a pit full of snacks. They have ten seconds to grab as many they can bring before they are yanked backup.


GUTFELD: Awesome.

PERINO: It's good to see they get to have fun.

GUTFELD: You can't rig that game.

WATTERS: Your kid has to grab something.

WILLIAMS: That's like our Facebook question about if you have a few minutes ignored.

WATTERS: We'll see you back here on Monday. Have a great weekend, everybody.

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