Miller Time: Christie bridge controversy

Comedian on Chris Christie, the Iran nuke deal, and A-Rod

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," January 15, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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O'REILLY: Thanks for staying with us, I'm Bill O'Reilly. In the "Miller Time" segment tonight, three hot topics, so let's get right to the sage of Southern California, who joins us now from Santa Barbara. (inaudible) Christie saga, Miller, what do you think?

DENNIS MILLER, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: First off, are we on live, Billy?

O'REILLY: Yes, this is a live program, Miller. Don't you have a watch?

MILLER: I'm going to do a reverse tootsy and reveal I'm a woman and I want my birth control paid for, you cheap skates.

O'REILLY: Are you attacking me, Miller, already on live TV? I mean, come on now?

MILLER: No, no, no. I just thought I would take advantage. I'm not used to live TV. Bridge gate. Let me say. Speaking of thoroughly modern women, here is what I know will happen with bridge gate. Eventually, Hillary Clinton will say the reason that there were no reinforcements at our consulate in Libya is because they were stuck in traffic on the George Washington Bridge. That's one thing I do know is coming down the pike.

I don't know why Christie did it, if he did it. It reminds me of that scene in the great movie "All the President's Men," Billy, where Ben Bradlee, Jason Robards, asks his managing editor to stay around after the meeting, and he says "what do you think about Woodward and Bernstein's report?" And the guy said, "I don't know. Why would Nixon do it?" That's the sort of thing I have with Christie, why would he do it, except I guess big guys with broad shoulders like to use sharp elbows once in a while.

O'REILLY: I said you have to believe him if he puts his whole career on the line and looks into the camera and says I didn't know about it, it was some rogue staffers who did it. As a fair person, I said I have to believe that. Now you are not a fair person, so do you believe him or not?

MILLER: Billy, he only said that once. Obama looked us in the eye 30 times and said if you like your healthcare, you can keep it. I think you don't understand the definition of politician, it's that very moment that you use to site his sincerity, it's that very moment, that's when you become a good politician, when you can look right in it and say I didn't know anything. That's the essence of it.

O'REILLY: So you don't know. You are agnostic about whether Christie knew about it.

MILLER: I assume he did it. I assume if I was powerful, I would throw elbows too. It seems to me. Listen, he might not be the president. But I'll tell you what hurts the most, is Springsteen and Fallon doing that uproarious sendup last night. You know Christie loves Springsteen, and that must have hurt, cut him to the quick.

O'REILLY: Yes, well, when I saw Bruce Springsteen do that and mock Chris Christie, somebody, a wise man once told me you will never get on the right side of an ideologue if you have a different philosophy. And Christie tried. He tried because he loves the Boss. But--

MILLER: I just view it as two guys doing a great -- that's the comedian in me.

O'REILLY: It was a bit.

MILLER: That was a bit, it was a killer, he was mockable, Christie.

O'REILLY: Iran nuke deal that's weighing in this month and you say?

MILLER: Well, here is my theory on this. If Barack Obama continues to willingly abdicate American power, you know all those summits that start with a G? I would say we are out of the G-4s now. He is probably on his way through 7. He gets down to G-20, he doesn't even have to leave the house anymore. He can send Plugs McKenzie Biden over. So I think that's what he's doing here.

John Kerry I think saw that you can imperil Israel like Yasser Arafat did and win a Nobel Peace Prize. I think that's what he is angling for. He is using the back door Arafat method here. All I know is when you boil this all down now, Billy, we are giving money to people who wish us dead. Now, I know it's a modicum. But what's a good tip for people who think you are Satan, 10? 12? 15? Double it?

O'REILLY: They say they can reimpose sanctions at any time, Miller.

MILLER: Yes, I'm sure. Everything is good. I'm sure Netanyahu sleeps easy at night.

O'REILLY: He is thrilled, real thrilled over there.

(CROSSTALK)

O'REILLY: You got a couple more minutes with me now.

MILLER: I'm with you. Billy, I'm here.

O'REILLY: A-Rod. He didn't do it, he didn't do it, did he? Don't tell me he did it.

MILLER: Listen, A-Rod is a big pain in the a. Okay? That's what A- Rod is. And like I said, when they put his Hall of Fame, if he ever does make it, don't put a bust of his head in there. Put a plaster cast of his right buttock. Because he has got so many pin holes in that buttock from shooting the roids, Hank Steinbrenner now refers to him as Mr. Proctober.

O'REILLY: That little play on proctologist there.

MILLER: There you go, Billy. You are like my cliff notes.

O'REILLY: I'm a little slow on the uptake, but not hopeless.

(CROSSTALK)

MILLER: -- go to a proctologist, you are quick on the uptake. Everybody knows.

O'REILLY: You are cynical about Christie, and A-Rod says he absolutely did not do any of it. He did not do any of it. Do you believe him?

MILLER: Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap now. The best people -- being full of crap are our leaders and our superstars. Come on, you know that. It's happened, baby. This thing tipped. There is a coup d'etat going on. They're all full of crap. Get in the bunker.

O'REILLY: I'm not. You're not. We are clean, Miller. Come on, man.

MILLER: That's why we are about to be gang audited.

O'REILLY: I saw a rumor or I heard a rumor that you are going to get sued by A-Rod too. Is that true? After tonight's interview, you are absolutely going to get sued by him.

MILLER: Are we saying he never did anything?

O'REILLY: He says he didn't do it. He is suing everybody. Suing the Bat Boy. Suing the guy who sells the hot dogs, he's suing everybody.

MILLER: I used to follow the Pirates, one spring training Barry Bonds was Ashley Whippet (ph), the dog that used to chase the frisbee. He came back the next year, and all of the sudden he was like Gork from "The Day the Earth Stood Still." So of course somebody's doing something.

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