Oct. 24, 2020 – This is a rush transcript from “The Greg Gutfeld Show” October 24, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello. Think of Election Day as Niagara Falls.
As we barrel toward it, it is fun to see the elites losing what's left of their minds, and what's left of their pants.
Once again, there's Olbermann. It's amazing how hologram technology can reanimate a corpse.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KEITH OLBERMANN, SPORTS COMMENTATOR: I'm tired of the thought that we're now going to repeat them on March and April in this country, a country that should have learned something, but which in large part has been authorized to wallow and die in its own stupidity because of one man, one dumb bastard, one selfish son of a [bleep], one real life major French, attacking the only hope we have, the science.
Donald Trump should be on trial for 220,000 murders, death penalty for each count.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: He gives me the same feeling I get after eating the 100 pack from White Castle. I got to take a shower for 24 hours to clean up the grease.
It's sad that he has no one in his life looking out for him. If he did, he'd never leave his house without his underwear on his head.
It's a lesson to us all. If you're in a-hole to everyone when you're rich and famous, no one will bother to help you when you're now just in a-hole alone and miserable.
But Trump has a way of making his critics unravel and then unbuckle. That's CNN legal analyst. He files his briefs instead of wearing them. I throw the tape of the media reporting of this story, but they didn't. Searches for Toobin video are up this week, but all you get is this.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: Memories. But I'm sure the excuse is the story is too gross. I wonder what their excuse is for Hunter. But I'm sure if a pro-Trump had pulled Toobin, CNN would have the screen grabs. The Gallup poll would be replaced with a different one.
But here, it's just an honest mistake because Trump's President Toobin is so necessary. The daily news among others said we need Mr. Toobin back on the job more than ever. Yes, he needs even more exposure. It makes you wonder what kind of grip he has on Jeff Zucker.
But at least, Toobin wasn't malicious. Unlike this hairball of hysteria.
This week, Robert Reich demanded a commission to deal with those who hadn't joined the heroic resistance. You know, once Biden wins. This commission would name everyone who supported Trump and mete out whatever punishments were deemed fit. It's ghoulish.
Under the guise of reconciliation, he calls for a witch hunt, where the winners punish the defeated or half the country. Funny how we'd never do that to them. Are we better people?
But if that tells you what's acceptable behavior to them if they win, what the hell is acceptable if they lose? Think about that.
Joe Biden made the claim that only he could stop the mob violence plaguing our cities, and a vote for Trump would only lead to more as if Trump is in charge of Antifa going out at night in his slippers and house coat to deface a few statues, beat people bloody and destroy homes and businesses.
Biden's premise was extortion, and it makes us wonder: Joe, you told us the violence would stop if you win. But what if you lose? What do you tell your supporters then and its deranged vindictive subset children of the elite who roam the streets harming the law-abiding, who burn the buildings? What will you do to stop that?
The question should also be posed to the media who ginned up audience rage in a four-year hysteria spell. They branded Trump a monster who must be stopped. But what if he doesn't leave? What if he wins?
What if you promise a pony to your kids for Christmas, and instead they get a lump of Trump? It's troubling.
In NYC, as we edge toward the abyss, its Mayor who wanders the streets for hours, daily, instead of protecting his citizens, a patchwork of every bad left-wing idea that has oozed from the hate-filled classrooms of our failing academia. De Blasio lumbers the alley, he is like a mopey Frankenstein monster scaring children and people with sense.
You could compare him to Nero fiddling while Rome burned, but at least Nero could fiddle. But it's not just de Blasio, it's everything he came from, everything that protects him, everything that sees what is coming and still does nothing.
It's a distressing time in which our city leaders, our media, our entertainment and academic freeloaders refuse to share the risk and rise up to condemn the coming mobs. They won't even talk about it even when it presents itself.
And so our industry obsesses over the days leading up to the election, but not a peep about what follows, which is not just foolish, it's dangerous.
Sure, pay attention to the road ahead, but what about the cliff at the end of it? What if the election is close? What if there's mail fraud? What if there's no immediate outcome? Or what if the outcome outrages those who control the airwaves, who control the social media platforms and the algorithms that gin up so much discontent?
What about the leftists who tweet "Burn it all down"? It seems the only plan for now is to let it burn.
GUTFELD: Such a high note. Let's welcome tonight's guest. He is harder to cancel than a gym membership. Author of "Don't Burn This Book," creator and host of "The Rubin Report," Dave Rubin.
His tattoos make me nervous, but I'm thankful for his service, retired Green Beret Master Sergeant and host of "Hollywood Weapons" on Outdoor Channel, Terry Schappert.
She is quick on her feet and likes to tweet, host of "Sincerely Kat" on FOX Nation, Kat Timpf.
He supports the freedom of the press, specifically the bench press, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on FOX Nation, Tyrus.
All right, Dave. So, if people like Robert Reich are basically promising retribution, should we take their word for it and plan on it?
DAVE RUBIN, POLITICAL COMMENTATOR AND AUTHOR: Yes, well, you know, the people who have Trump derangement syndrome, like Robert Reich, like David Frum, all the never Trump crew, I mean, in a weird way they need Trump because they've failed at everything, yet remained public people all this time.
And the only way that you can get people not to say, oh, you know, you've gotten everything wrong forever, is to be able to point and say, oh, orange man bad.
But when they talk about Truth and Reconciliation Commissions and people, names will have to be named, we're going to have to make lists. I mean, I know it's hyperbolic to talk about Nazism and how it rose because everyone calls everyone a Nazi these days.
But this is actually it when you're making lists of the bad people. And we're going to re-educate people and gulags and the rest of it. And you're right, Greg, what you said in the monologue, it's like, we don't do this.
We accept that we live in a country with people who disagree with us and they want lists. And that's just a fundamental difference.
Okay, I forgot to be funny in this first part.
GUTFELD: That's okay. I wasn't funny either. This is not funny topic. And also, we've got over -- we got over our McCarthyism in the 50s. We like -- we learned our lesson and now, we have left Carthyism, and Terry, it makes me sad. It's kind of like how I look forward to seeing you because I like your pants. And then that's my expectation to see your pants. And instead, I can't see your pants.
That's kind of what the media is doing for this election. They're building up these expectations that Trump is going to be thrown out. But what if he is not thrown out? You are going to have a lot of people going through this incredible mental breakdown like I am when I can't see your leather pants.
TERRY SCHAPPERT, RETIRED GREEN BERET MASTER SERGEANT: There's I think the phrase is, there's a lot to unpack there, Greg. And by the way, who says I'm wearing pants and also I'm a little -- because seriously, that seems to be the way to go now is pants-less video.
I didn't know my tattoo scared you. That hurts me because you didn't really act like that when we spent time together.
GUTFELD: Why don't you just answer the question? Just answer the question.
SCHAPPERT: Yes, yes. Let's move on. Dave, covered that very well. Listen, here's the thing. For all these years, people have been saying, you know, it's not going to happen, it's not going to happen. Well, it is going to happen.
And they're telling -- they've been telling you they're going to do it. I think to Dave's point as well, like the never Trumpers and the sort of Vichy Republicans that have been hiding under their desk, hoping this kind of all blows over and it's not going to bother them. It isn't.
The only way to defeat these people is to politically smash them. I mean, smash them, politically. And so -- because every time we try to reason with them, that's not going to happen. Anytime people say well, you know, we've got to give them a little bit. They're not -- they're voracious. They take whatever they want.
And I'm ready. I hope well -- I know the people that I am friends with, the people I served in the military with, we're pretty much ready for this, but I think a lot of people in the United States aren't. That is going to be interesting right after the election to see how this goes.
GUTFELD: Kat, you know, it is not often that I want to be wrong, but I want to be wrong on this. I don't want our streets filled with rage queens breaking things. Tell me I'm wrong.
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Rage queen sounds like an awesome punk band. But yes, I agree. It's just the visceral hatred.
I mean, even among -- I've had issues with some of my close friends of many years who know me very, very well, who will give me a lot of crap because I'm not all in enthusiasm Biden is the best he is going to save the world.
And it's really irrational. I mean, there are plenty of reasons to hate me, right? Like, I am very annoying. I will forget that I didn't eat dinner and then have a couple of tequila sodas, then I get more annoying.
TIMPF: Then when I get called on it, I cry as if I'm the victim. Terrible stuff. I'm going to be 32. I've got to stop acting that way. Hate me for that. Don't hate me because I have the not exact same political views as you do. I don't hate you for that way.
And I, of course, I'm not a Republican or a Democrat. But I deal with that a lot more from my super liberal friends than my friends that are more conservative than I am. And so it does make me concerned about what would happen in this situation. Because if it's happening to me from people who know my heart and know me really well, I can't imagine how much strangers hate me.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's funny. Tyrus. She says she has a heart and she also said she is 32.
TIMPF: I'm 32 on Thursday.
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, I caught that, too. Just let her have it, Greg.
GUTFELD: Yes. I will. I will.
MURDOCH: Greg, I've got to be honest with you. I'm not sure where I'm living anymore. I'm living in Bizarro World. This week, I witnessed quite possibly the most ridiculous thing that I'm surprised you didn't bring up in your monologue, but it does fit.
MURDOCH: We're living in a world now in the United States where Don Lemon is bullying Ice Cube. So that's what is going on. Ice Cube was called a sellout this week, and was told to watch his step.
MURDOCH: So the dark alley, which has changed dramatically. It used to be guys who look like me and look like Ice Cube who would be in an alley, you'd go the other way. Now you're like, get out of my way. Watch where you spent, bro.
Like, I don't know where we are anymore. And to go to your point with a guy's tweet, where we're going to come after you. They are so hyped up and they are so sure that reality is not important.
Right now, they're looking at me going one punch, he will drop. I'm telling you, we've got this in the bag. Reality is, when you swing and came close to the beard, reality is coming back.
And when reality hits, there's going to be a lot -- you remember that famous -- because of you because you played it nine million times of that woman sitting Indian style.
MURDOCH: Screaming -- it is going to be so loud, that we're all going to be looking up like, who said that? Everybody said that. This place, they are so sure they got it. That I really feel that it is our responsibility is going to be giving out hugs.
We're going to have to go, I know, I know. You had it. I know. It's okay.
You're going to have to wipe the snot. It's going to be snot bubble crying.
Invest in tissues, America, because it is unbelievable the things that we're seeing from the left right now. They are so cocky and so excited, because their polls are right once again.
GUTFELD: Yes, once again. By the way, snot bubble crying is actually opening for Rage Queens downtown Sunday.
All right, last reminder.
MURDOCH: In my world.
GUTFELD: Yes. Last reminder about my show, Sunday night in support of my book "The Plus," Butler, Pennsylvania Starlight Drive-in. Tickets still available, go to my website for info. Up next, we dissect the debate.
GUTFELD: Trump stayed civil while watching Joe shrivel. So we got a little foreign policy Thursday night.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: North Korea was a mess.
They left us a mess.
KRISTEN WELKER, NBC NEWS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: North Korea conducted four nuclear tests under the Obama administration. Why do you think you would be able to rein in this persistent threat?
JOE BIDEN (D), DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: Because I'd make it clear, which we were making clear to China they had to be part of the deal because here's -- I made it clear as a spokesperson for the administration when I went to China.
BIDEN: While he was selling pillows and sheets, I sold tank busters to Ukraine. There has been nobody tougher on Russia than Donald Trump.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Remember how we obsessed over terror, war and missiles aimed at us? Have you noticed how we don't do that much anymore? No Middle East conflicts, no ISIS for now. It's like Trump checked off all the scary stuff first. So what's left to talk about, right?
Like when you obsess over that cold sore? Once it's gone, you just stop obsessing until it comes back. Terrible analogy.
But you know, Biden had his moments to like when he lost Texas.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: Would you close down the oil industry?
BIDEN: ... transition from the oil industry? Yes.
TRUMP: Oh, that's a big statement.
BIDEN: It is a big statement.
TRUMP: That is a big statement.
BIDEN: Because I would stop --
WELKER: Why would you do that?
BIDEN: Because the oil industry pollutes significantly. And I'd stop giving to the oil industry, I'd stop giving them Federal subsidies.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And then he lost Pennsylvania.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: Excuse me, he was against fracking, he said it. I will show that to you tomorrow. "I am against fracking," until he got the nomination and went to Pennsylvania and then he said, but you know what, Pennsylvania he'll be against it very soon, because his party is totally against it.
BIDEN: Fracking on Federal land. I said, no fracking and/or oil on Federal land.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Not true. Then he lost a Civil War reenactors.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BIDEN: Abraham Lincoln here is one of the most racist Presidents we've had in modern history.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So that's it for the Dawn and Joe Show. No more chats. Until one of them calls the other on election night.
Hey, Terry, let's just go around the horn. What did you make of the debate?
Who won? Who lost? What's your biggest take home?
SCHAPPERT: Well, I think everything you just said is absolutely false.
Because CNN said that Biden mopped the floor with him. So you're a liar, Greg.
I don't -- have they ever asked -- a serious question -- have they ever asked in any of these either Town Halls or the debates with Joe, the two they've had, about what's going on with President Trump and the Middle East? I mean, today, you know -- you know, Friday was a huge day and I just don't understand that. They are not asking those kind of questions.
I think -- when I am watching the President -- I mean, Vice President Biden, I feel like he's barely over his skis. I don't know how I could articulate it, he is trying to remember numbers and say things correctly.
And there's a couple times when it kind of veered off. And I almost feel like I'm watching something bad to happen.
I thought the moderator did as good a job as we're going to get from a moderator with the Republican and Democrat. And I just mean -- here's another thing, too, like when President Trump said, I'll post the video about lying about fracking, of course, President Trump did.
SCHAPPERT: Are there any other major news networks that actually posted that video? Because that would be interesting to me. And I suspect probably none of them did.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's a good point actually. And he has to do the fact checking. Kat, I thought it was adorable that Terry had trouble articulating how Joe had trouble articulating.
TIMPF: It was.
GUTFELD: Isn't that adorable?
TIMPF: It was really cute.
RUBIN: So adorable.
TIMPF: He is really cute.
GUTFELD: You know what, Kat, you know what I liked about last night? Trump showed that he could be on good behavior, like you could -- like he could go to brunch with your grandmother or go to church, and not like start, you know, like pinching people. That's what he showed.
TIMPF: I think my grandmother would be down. Yes. Look, I just I thought it was really a very good tactic of President Trump, too, whenever Biden said he was planning to do anything. He would just say, well, why didn't you?
TIMPF: Why didn't you do that? Why didn't you do that? And particularly when talking about, you know, the criminal justice failures of Joe Biden.
He did the thing again, that has made me scream at my TV the most during this election cycle was when they were talking about the 1994 Crime Bill, and Biden says, well, you know, the crack cocaine sentencing disparities, the mandatory minimums, those weren't in that bill that -- but those weren't -- if that's true. They were in the Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1986, which Biden co-sponsored.
So like, just because we're not talking about that specific bill and you're going to actually say that and nobody ever brings it up. It's like, yes, but that one, that was your thing, too. You actually have a very long history and record of this.
And look, I get that people make mistakes. I've made four or five of them myself. But I wish --
GUTFELD: Last hour.
TIMPF: But I wish we could see -- yes, thank you. I love positive reinforcement. I wish we could see some sort of honest acknowledgement and examination of this rather than oh, yes, well, I went over that -- because again, this is a problem that continues. These are people who, in many cases are still behind bars. So it just seems really insensitive, and I'd like it to be treated more seriously and rather just a talking point that you just cover up.
GUTFELD: All right, once again, Tyrus, Kat is defending crack cocaine. What did you make of the debate?
TIMPF: The freedom to use if you do choose.
GUTFELD: I understand, crazy pipe lady. What did you make, Tyrus, anything jump out at you?
MURDOCH: Well, once again, I just would love to just have a small conversation with President Trump's campaign team, just a few minutes, just me and them alone in the room.
We do this constantly. What should have been a walk in the park debate turned out to be where the bar is so low that Joe gets rave reviews because he crossed the finish line, and whose fault is that? It's our fault.
And we didn't hear -- I think President Trump wasted way too much time attacking Joe. It doesn't work. I think it would have been -- I was waiting to hear about some infrastructure. I was waiting to hear about what his second term was going to look like. I think that's the only thing that I really felt like, he didn't even need to acknowledge Joe because Joe will -
- Rambling Joe will be Rambling Joe.
And I really thought that he missed an opportunity there since he wasn't ferocious and whoever he kept looking at to calm him down, because he kept looking off and I think maybe it was the wife going you've got this. You're good. Remember what we talked about.
But, just again, it was one of those things where both sides represented.
They pleased their base, and I don't see like anybody -- the needle didn't go either way. They got through a debate. They both gave off their ideas.
They both had good moments.
But you know, I wanted to flip over to the to the game, but it was the Eagles and the Giants, so I mean, I literally, really couldn't -- you know, I was losing that night because it just wasn't -- he was just not doing what I want him to do in terms of don't even acknowledge them, the other side. Focus on what we're going to do, what the plan is and let people get energized and excited about what's coming.
And you know, Terry, you don't have to read the encyclopedias to sell them.
I know what you meant, bro. Nice job, Terry.
GUTFELD: All right, Dave. Finish this off here. I was yelling at the TV. I wanted Trump to explain the Hunter Biden scandal because it's obvious that half of America isn't seeing it because the media has suppressed it, but what was your take?
RUBIN: Yes, well Greg, first off, I'm still trying to understand your cold sore metaphor, although I will say that I've long considered you the Abreva of late night hosts.
GUTFELD: Why? Thank you. You know, I cut the healing from five to seven days to four to six.
RUBIN: Exactly. So look, I think Trump was presidential, which is exactly what he had to do for the middle people, the people who just still aren't sure. I don't know how many of those people exist still, but it's not for the red meat on either side.
RUBIN: But that sliver of people that might go one way or another, those six people you want to get four of six, right? You've got to get four of six.
But I did write something down here because you know, I'm a professional.
GUTFELD: You are.
RUBIN: I wrote something that I think has been missed in this entire campaign. Mid-East Peace is good. That is a good thing. That is -- and I even underlined good three times, as you can see there.
RUBIN: That's the thing that everyone has wanted for like, what? Five thousand years we were going for, and now Sudan has jumped on board and signed a deal with Israel, and they are saying five more countries, including Saudi Arabia by next week. It is like, could we mention that?
Because I thought we all wanted that, but now it has something to do with the orange guy, so you know, that killed it.
GUTFELD: This is my point about the foreign policy stuff. If there's no big problems, then it's not like a real -- it's no longer an issue. So Trump, like started solving these problems. And now it's like, oh, you know, we don't have to talk about this.
RUBIN: I circled it.
GUTFELD: We don't have to talk about this. We don't have to talk -- I'm glad you circled it.
All right, we are going to circle you later.
Up next, from the lap dancing to laptops, Hunter and Joe's excellent adventure.
ANITA VOGEL, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Anita Vogel.
Dr. Anthony Fauci says the country should consider a national mask mandate.
The nation's top infectious disease expert acknowledges enforcing the measure would be difficult.
This comes as much of the nation is experiencing an increase in coronavirus cases. Health officials fear this will only get worse as cooler temperatures force people inside, making it easier for the virus to spread.
Cases in the U.S. now surpassing 8.5 million with nearly 225,000 deaths.
A U.S. Navy training plane crashed into an Alabama neighborhood killing two pilots on board. It also caused a large fire, but no other injuries have been reported. No word yet on what caused the crash. But investigators are asking anyone with video or photos of the aircraft before the crash to please come forward.
I'm Anita Vogel. Now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.
GUTFELD: Were they trading on the name from China to Ukraine? I wonder, is Joe the big man?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: You're the big man, I think. I don't know. Maybe you're not. But you're the big man, I think. Your son said we have to give 10 percent to the big man. Joe, what's that all about? It's terrible.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You're wrong. It was big guy. Not big man. But okay, Trump is talking about an e-mail found on Hunter Biden's alleged laptop, which brings us to this guy or man, Tony Bobulinski. He is Hunter's former business partner, and he confirmed the legitimacy of the e-mail on Hunter's dealings with a Chinese firm.
The big guy, Tony says that Hunter is talking about, his dad. Code names that don't do any good when the business partners keep using his actual name in texts. This from James Gilliar to Tony Bobulinski, "Don't mention Joe being involved. It's only when you are face-to-face." Jeez, guys first rule of Fight Club. What say you, Joe?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BIDEN: I have not taken a penny from any foreign source ever in my life.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Yes, because it goes to Hunter. Ah, well, 10 days before the election, the story ain't going away even as the media tries its best to bury it. Speaking of big guys having trouble let's check in with High Kick Harry.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: High Kick Harry is going to have some serious back pain for a long time, Kat. Do you think this is going to hurt Biden? I don't know how it can. It's like 95 percent of the media refuses to cover it.
TIMPF: Yes, it's just so crazy because everybody said, what? Well, look, it's almost as if it's possible that people who are in positions of power get certain advantages. And sometimes they like to stay in power to have those advantages and not because of a completely selfless, humble desire to serve the people. Right?
When people do talk about it on the other side, they say, this is so unbelievable. There is no way -- and it's like why? You know, I stopped trusting people in power over me when I was four and I found out my parents lied to me about Santa.
And I get that that was a little young. So if it is not you, then congrats on the childhood magic, whatever.
But you have to be skeptical of people in power that these things are possible that they can easily pull wool over your eyes and do things for their own benefit. And it's so important that we do that because it provides an important check on their power
GUTFELD: You know, Dave, you could argue that the phone call, the perfect phone call for which Trump was impeached was made because of these past dealings with places like Ukraine. So in a weird way, Trump was just trying to help the Democratic Party select the cleanest candidate. You could.
RUBIN: Greg, I'm starting to think that everything that they accuse Trump of, they are the ones that are actually guilty of. Can you believe it?
Let's not forget, Greg, you're a New York City guy. It was only two and a half years ago that Donald Trump, Jr. had lunch with someone on the Upper East Side. Greg, the Upper East Side.
RUBIN: I don't know if it was Seraphina's or what? I don't even know if it's still open anymore, probably not, because of lockdown. But he had lunch up there with someone who apparently was Russian and that became an impeachable offense.
I'm pretty sure that Hunter Biden making somewhere between it sounds like
50 to 90 grand a month for a job he had literally no qualifications for might have a little something to do with his dad being Vice President. I mean, I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but I think you see what I'm saying.
GUTFELD: No, I disagree. I think Hunter is incredibly talented, extremely talented. I mean, he was -- the strippers loved him.
Tyrus, you're our big guy. What do you make of these e-mails? Are we making a lot out of nothing? Or nothing out of a lot?
MURDOCH: Come on, man.
GUTFELD: Oh, here we go.
MURDOCH: You're trying to do this to the VP. When the left gets done, when you're grey, you're going to be doing this show from Pelican Bay. Shoot program, Gutfeld. You try -- he had keep it running this for 47 years. You just got here? What are you thinking? You can't do this. King Kong got nothing on the left?
GUTFELD: I have no idea what you said, but I agreed completely.
MURDOCH: You don't want to shoot program, Greg, 23 hours.
GUTFELD: Got it. All right. I still don't understand. But I'll go with you.
Terry, what are your thoughts.
SHAPIRO: We've learned more about government corruption from a computer repair man than we have from the F.B.I. and I keep hearing over and over again, it's constantly said, you know, the vast majority of agents are doing the right thing. I don't buy that anymore, guys. You're really no better than any kind of corporate or media hack.
You've lost people in the country like me, who generally have reflexively defended you. You know, it used to be in the past that the left would be rallying against the F.B.I., because you know, they're the man.
Well, guess what? Now the left is the man and the F.B.I. works for them.
And so I would challenge any of these wonderful F.B.I. agents that are doing the right thing. Come on over here behind me and grab your reputation out of the toilet, because that has to happen.
We don't believe anything they say anymore, and when you lose the F.B.I., there's -- I mean, like no one is going down. Comey is not going down. None of those -- none of those big people are going down, and we're watching it happen in real time and I'm tired of being told, well, they're really -- they're doing the right thing.
I'm sorry, I don't believe you. Make it happen or just get out of -- just go away.
GUTFELD: You know, there are two points I want to make before I go. Joe's response to the debate was like, you can see my tax returns. But these deals were meant, so nothing would show up on your tax returns that's why it was going to Hunter.
And also, I have to say that, you know, the media, when you think about the debate was really effective in keeping the viewers in the dark on this, which meant that Trump had to do a better job of explaining this story and he was short handing it.
Because he assumed that everybody watches FOX. Like everybody --
GUTFELD: Yes, they all know, but it's like no, people are going, what is he talking about? Anyway.
GUTFELD: Coming up.
RUBIN: Who is big guy?
GUTFELD: Yes. Coming up, a grave solution to get out the votes.
GUTFELD: From the pine box to the ballot box, they're moving the tomb to make some room. Funeral homes across the country will offer older folks free limo rides to the polls on Election Day or at least they say they're going to the polls.
The National Funeral Directors and Morticians Association expects to chauffer up to 300,000 people nationwide in cities like Baltimore, Miami, LA and Kansas City -- good for them.
But the program aims to serve those 55 and older so Kat won't qualify for another five years.
Meanwhile, something called election stress disorder is back. It's not new, but 68 percent of adults now say that 2020 race is a great source of stress. Symptoms include insomnia, constantly checking your phone for alerts and becoming way better looking. Or maybe that's just me.
Doctors say you can avoid social media by exercising or volunteering. How lame is that? Personally I'd rather have tea with my roommates, Chrissy and Janet.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: I'd like to be Jack Tripper in that sandwich. Hey, Tyrus, I don't know what that means. So just let it float away. But what do you just --
GUTFELD: What do you do -- how do you feel about elections --
MURDOCH: Just like filthy, filthy little --
GUTFELD: I am disgusted by myself sometimes, Tyrus.
MURDOCH: As you should be, rightfully so. Listen, man. I'm just going to go cultural on this. Two things my blackness will not allow me to do -- well, actually three: that's investigate and sit in wheelchairs and get in a damn hearse, ain't happening. Those are things you just don't do.
So if anybody want to -- I don't -- and if I'm old and like, hey, we're going to take you in a hearse. Oh, hell to the no. That's no -- I'm not going to fit in. Hey, since you're in here, why don't you try the coffin?
You know, you know, there's a special on early burials right now.
You know, the family is trying to save a buck, so get your vote on and then we're going to bury you. Don't trust it. I am not touching this one. Sorry.
Can't do it.
GUTFELD: Terry, you have been in combat. Do you find when you hear about stuff like election stress to be kind of, I don't know, annoying, although I get stressed out by it, too. So maybe I'm just annoying.
SCHAPPERT: Well, limos -- funeral homes taking old people to vote, I have one phrase for that. Soylent Green is people, and then I would say yes, you know, here's the phrase that we have all the time for what we see going on in the country now. Hard times make hard men, hard men make soft times; soft times make soft men and soft men make hard times.
And so we're in a phase now where the country is generally speaking, incredibly well fed, very safe, very lax and soft and very well-entertained and so by the way, Joe Biden last night said, America doesn't panic.
Was he not watching what happened with toilet paper and hand sanitizer? I mean, people really are actually pretty not self-sufficient and very easily panicked in the United States because they've never had to really -- I mean, most people really haven't had to work for it.
And so when you start stressing that stuff out, people lose their mind. I know, Greg, because I'm awesome.
GUTFELD: No, I agree with you, Terry. I'm very hard on soft man, and I'm very soft on hard, man.
MURDOCH: Okay, all right.
RUBIN: I love you, Greg. I love your Toobin jokes, Greg.
GUTFELD: All right, Rubin, what do you think of these -- I think the funeral homes, I don't know if they're using hearses.
MURDOCH: I need hand sanitizer.
GUTFELD: But I think it's kind of nice what they're doing.
RUBIN: Well, look, Greg, your producers asked us to keep it tight in this segment. So I just have one word for the people that are freaking out about the election and that word is Indica.
RUBIN: Kat gets it. Kat gets it. That's why I love the libertarian.
TIMPF: I don't get it.
SCHAPPERT: We all get it, Dave. We all get it, Dave.
MURDOCH: Terry doesn't get it.
RUBIN: Oh, good, good.
GUTFELD: What's the other kind? Indica and Seviya?
TIMPF: I read it in a book.
GUTFELD: I name both by parrots.
RUBIN: But that won't help with the stress, Indica. That's how you do it.
GUTFELD: All right, Kat, finish us off here.
TIMPF: I think the funeral thing is kind of a little bit of ageist, right, because age is just a number. And by that I mean, you can die at any age.
Any time, sometimes without any warning at all.
GUTFELD: That's true.
TIMPF: So as someone who has ridden in a hearse before, and actually with a pillow in the casket, it wasn't so bad. I think they should open it up to all ages.
GUTFELD: Okay. Well, I actually -- I do admire them for what they're doing.
And just because I don't want them to sue me, or I don't want to die and then they throw me in like a really disgusting box in the river. Although, I don't know, maybe that's kind of fun.
All right, can we exit the COVID rubble inside a bubble? Let's find out.
GUTFELD: Would concerts be too much trouble if you were inside a bubble.
The Flaming Lips, the band, not the affliction I got in Tampa back in '97 performed a live show this week in Oklahoma City, just like the good old days. The catch: the band and everyone in the audience were inside plastic bubbles the whole time.
I fell asleep in a bathtub once and had this exact nightmare.
Anyway, front man, Wayne Coyne thought it worked out great adding quote, "You can get as excited as you want. You can scream as much as you want.
You just can't infect the person next to you." Seems safe, just don't invite my neighbor, Steve the Bunny.
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MURDOCH: You just can't stop, can you? You just --
SCHAPPERT: Come on, Tyrus. That's good.
RUBIN: We've learned more about Greg in this episode than any other episode of THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW I have ever been part of.
MURDOCH: Hey, honey, come watch daddy on TV tonight. Hey, kids, Daddy is on TV tonight. Daddy, what's the bunny doing and why is Greg Gutfeld laughing so loud?
GUTFELD: You know, I like the Flaming Lips. They're always ahead of their time. What do you make of this, Kat?
TIMPF: I mean, I would do it. I'd go. You know.
GUTFELD: Where do you go? Where do you pee, Kat?
TIMPF: Yes, I don't know. I've got to be -- I would go to a colonoscopy in a bubble at this point. Just because it's new and it's different. Right? I was thinking I'm getting so bored with the pandemic living.
I was thinking yesterday about how easy I would be to kidnap at this point.
I'd be like, you're bringing me to a different apartment like save your zip ties, I will put myself in the trunk.
GUTFELD: There you go, Dave. Again, what if you're on drugs and you throw up, then you're trapped in your own vomit.
RUBIN: Nobody wants to be trapped in their own vomit, Greg, I think we can all regardless of whether we live in a red state or a blue state agree on that. I mean, look, now I usually come on the show and I say we're living in idiocracy, now, this is actually an episode of "Seinfeld" the bubble boy episode and it didn't end well for the bubble boy and usually you don't want to be in a bubble.
So I'm very anti-bubble. I don't like the bubble. I don't want anything to do with the bubble.
GUTFELD: I'm very --
TIMPF: If you go to a concert on drugs, I will be miserable in that bubble, but nothing compared to the rest of your life that you're ruined by doing drugs.
GUTFELD: Yes, that is true.
TIMPF: Not even once kids.
GUTFELD: Terry, I would like to go to a Michael Buble play concert in a bubble and call it the Buble bubble.
RUBIN: That was good.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
SCHAPPERT: You're an idiot. I used to have hamsters when I was a kid, and you put them in these --
GUTFELD: And you used to have hair.
SCHAPPERT: Stop. That's not cool. Not cool. And so you have these little round clear plastic balls you put them in and they would run around the house and you'd hear them coming because the poop would be behind them as they're trying to get away from it, it will be rattling. I think it might be kind of fun to do that as a human being. I'm not going to lie.
GUTFELD: We have definitely gone down a dark and scary road, Tyrus, what do you make of this? Last word to you.
MURDOCH: I'm not going -- I'm not going down this road. I'm not going to a damn bubble. Enough said.
SCHAPPERT: Do it.
GUTFELD: All right. Do you know that I was a rabbit on one of the shows for the Flaming Lips? I was dressed up as a rabbit and held klieg lights in
2003 in New York. I was on stage and was one of the guys holding the lights. I don't remember much of it. I don't remember much of 2003 actually.
All right, and for another time, I guess. Don't forget to access "The Gutter." My brand new website at a place called Locals.
I wonder what that is? Go to GGutter.com. Sign up. Chat with me. Read by daily musings without trolls. Kat Timpf is there. Go to Kat Timpf at Locals.
Final Thoughts next.
ANNOUNCER: Final Thoughts. It's the last thought. That's why it's called the final thoughts, okay.
GUTFELD: We only have time for two. Terry?
SCHAPPERT: Hey guys, we in the combat military I've been pushing to get something done. Sergeant Alwyn Cashe was killed in Iraq in 2005. His vehicle hit an IED. He was ejected from the turret. He went in there six times, covered with fuel, on fire, saved his guys and he was awarded the Silver Star.
We are pushing that to be a medal of honor. We have a lot of people on board. The Senate just needs to get off their ass and make this happen.
This is the right thing, Sergeant Alwyn Cashe deserves the Medal of Honor.
GUTFELD: Well done. Tyrus?
MURDOCH: America, I don't care what side of the fence you're on. Get your ass out there and vote. We need all the votes. We can get you. Don't assume your size got it in the bag. Vote America.
GUTFELD: All right, thanks to Dave Rubin, Terry Schappert, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus.
I'm Greg Gutfeld. And I love you, America, platonically.
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