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Royal Caribbean bans passenger for going overboard and other stories from the Fastest 7 on 'The Five.'

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 17, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Hi, I'm Bret Baier, with Dr. Nicole Saphier, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and she plays hot scotch in a desk calendar, Dana Perino, THE FIVE.

Citing security concerns during a shutdown, Nancy Pelosi has asked Donald Trump to give his State of the Union in writing. Trump's response, canceling her trip to Brussels right before takeoff. It's hilarious.

In the letter, he said he was sorry to inform her that he's canceling the trip. No, no. He wasn't sorry, not at all. He basically stole her lunch money and then he ate her lunch. Still, Trump should accept her offer and send the address in writing, a sheet with just two words, bye-bye, then hold a giant event in the middle of America. After all, the people elected Trump, not Washington, D.C.

Nancy and the Dems can take shelter under their desks and watch it on all on iPads. And Trump can cite his achievements, tell some jokes, just so the press has a reason to burn their hair. Broadcast it on YouTube. The media will cover it and highly flammable fact checks. It will be the first people's State of the Union.

If the media doesn't show it, then we know it's personal and political. For this is historical and hysterical because what do the Dems do then? Do they not respond when he does it anyway at a better place with better looking people with music, prizes, farm animals and face painting? And almost no carbon footprint, think about that. Do they hold a response with the same cardboard cutouts from before?

Now, Nancy just offered Trump an amazing opportunity. It gets him out of a really dull speech and it gets "The Five" out of going to D.C., a place with overpriced booze, incompetent politicians, and substandard food, which really is the whole point of this monologue.

All right, originally, we're going to talk about the State of the Union, but we've got to talk about this letter, which is fantastic. Dear Madam Speaker, due to the shutdown, I'm sorry to inform you -- I'm sorry to inform you that your trip to Brussels, Egypt, and Afghanistan has been postponed. We will reschedule the seven-day excursion when the shutdown is over.

Oh gees. This -- obviously, if you'd like to make your journey by flying commercial, that would certainly be your prerogative. Dana, OK, some might say this is childish or -- I think Juan thinks this is childish. I think it's childishly awesome.

JUAN WILLIAMS, HOST: You've just stole my notes. You stole my notes.

DANA PERINO, HOST: He can read your mind. He can read your mind. So this story broke during the 2 o'clock hour and I had John Roberts on, Peter Doocy, and we find out that not only is he canceling the trip --

GUTFELD: Yeah.

PERINO: -- but the trip is supposed to leave in 30 minutes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: So they're on the bus on Air Force bus with the Capitol Police ready to go.

GUTFELD: She already took her Ambien.

PERINO: They never do that. Never take Ambien until you're on the runway about to takeoff.

GUTFELD: You fall asleep and it gets delayed.

PERINO: Right. And then you could get in trouble and all the things. So, I knew something was going to happen today --

GUTFELD: Yeah.

PERINO: -- because it was like just the timing. I also feel like because the president was silent yesterday in response to her suggestion that he reschedule the State of the Union because of security, but now it's actually just because of the shutdown and her leverage, that they waited until that 30 minutes before that bus was supposed to leave in order to do it.

And it is kind of like a reality TV show. So, I think, oh, tit for tat. There, I understand the thing about their security concerns, who's going to Afghanistan. But here's the thing, what congressional delegation think it's a good idea to leave town when the shutdown is entering its fifth week?

GUTFELD: Yeah.

PERINO: I think he actually just saved them some major embarrassment.

GUTFELD: I think they're both doing each other a favor. But, Juan, I want to get to you because I know that you thought it was idiotic or childish. But, see, what makes us laugh should also bring you pleasure.

PERINO: It's not funny?

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You should be happy that I'm happy.

WILLIAMS: Look, I'm entertained. I love this show. I think it's great. I -- you know, let's make fun of everybody. But at some point, you've got to say, you know, was it Gary Cohn, economic advisor to Trump said today he doesn't understand where this is going. It's bad for the economy. We see the economy --

PERINO: That's true.

WILLIAMS: -- being damage. There's real consequence. So, yeah, I love a laugh, too. I've got no problems. But I will say this, to Dana's point, I think it was President Trump who actually went overseas to a war zone during the shutdown.

GUTFELD: Yeah. That was a talking point.

(CROSSTALK)

JESSE WATTERS, HOST: That's when Pelosi was in Hawaii.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: No. In other words, Trump is being totally hypocritical and delighting in it by saying, oh, I'd like you to be here so you can negotiate. Well, wait a second. Didn't he leave town?

WATTERS: Pelosi wasn't in town, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Doesn't matter because he was gone -- he was gone, Jesse. He was gone. So, I mean, to me, what you see today is, oh, Trump is now saying let's bring back some diplomats. Oh, OK. Yesterday, it was let's bring back some IRS agents. He is so on the defensive, so losing this fight right now that he is trying to lessen the impact of the shutdown on the American people, but he delights in boorish behavior, skewering Nancy Pelosi, making himself look, in Greg's words, childish.

GUTFELD: Jesse, I want to shift a little bit to the offer that Pelosi is giving because I believe he should accept the offer, do it in writing and hold this rally, but you disagree with me.

WATTERS: Yeah, I'm pro-State of the Union. I want to see the president blast the Democrats and have Nancy sit next to Pence and squirm without being able to respond. And then maybe if she wants to, she can respond with Crying Chuck at one podium afterwards and get hammered because I like the pageantry of it, and usually, the president gets a little bit blast (ph).

GUTFELD: You want to go to D.C. Just admit it.

WATTERS: I think the food is delicious in D.C. and --

GUTFELD: You want to stay at the Trump Hotel.

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: I would never stay there, right. The company is paying for it. It would be a conflict of interest. And you know I'm always on the up and up with these things. Also, remember the last time the Democrats just sat on their hands --

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: -- and then they said the African-American, Hispanic-American unemployment was at record -- unemployment at record lows. So, there are political winds to be had for the president at the State of the Union, and she just doesn't want the president to have the opportunity to go make the case for the American people. But what he did today was pure savage. Nancy Pelosi is petty, but no one is more petty than Donald Trump. She went low and he went lower.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: And my favorite line is you can fly commercial like JetBlue flies to Afghanistan? Please. I mean, she'd been in Hawaii, Juan. Her crew was in Puerto Rico. She hadn't been at the White House for a week and then she's going to Brussels and Afghanistan for another week. She doesn't want to end the shutdown. She likes it. She thinks she's scoring points.

WILLIAMS: Let me ask you something, I know you like Trump, but was that an endorsement of Trump to say he's going lower than -- lower than low?

WATTERS: That's gamesmanship. And Juan, you can't say that what Pelosi did the other day with the State of the Union was a great power play and this is childish? Everybody on the left --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: I think it was a great power play. I said -- here's what I've said. You know what, the government is broken, the government is not functioning, and to stand up there pretend like everything is normal is madness.

NICOLE SAPHIER, HOST: It reconfirms exactly what Jesse is saying. Trump and Pelosi are made for each other, right? So, one goes one way, one goes the other way, whatever. The bottom line is, as a parent, it reminds me a lot of the Saphier (ph) household or just a bad telenovela the way this is playing out.

And unfortunately, we can laugh at it. It's funny. But it's not funny because these are actually supposed to be the adults of our country.

WILLIAMS: Oh, thank you.

GUTFELD: Oh, it's funny.

SAPHIER: And so, whether he goes to the State of the Union, it's going to be the same thing. It's a political episode. We're going to see the Democrats maybe squirm a little bit. It's going to be a Democrat bashing session. Nothing is actually going to come out of it.

And, you know, Nancy Pelosi's spokesperson, her -- she -- they came out and said that the purpose of her trip was to express appreciation, thanks to our men and women of service. You know how she can do that? By staying here and getting the government back and start paying the Coast Guard because they're not getting paid. They're also men and women in uniform that she's supposed to --

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: I do wonder a little bit about this because, you know, when I was at the White House, I would do this thing called a sister test. So, I would call my sister and say like what do you think about this? And if she said, never heard of it. I'm like, oh, thank God, we're all right. But today, she said something to me -- she sent me a text and she's like, both of them, could they just get it together?

GUTFELD: Yeah.

PERINO: Something like that. And I wonder if that's more -- of course, we can laugh for a moment, it is rightfully funny, but there are consequences for people there.

GUTFELD: Rand Paul made a suggestion. Do you want to play that tape? Do we have time or should I just summarize it? Nobody's talking to me. Well, go ahead.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Is that (ph) the Shutdown Prevention Act?

SEN. RAND PAUL, R-KY.: Yeah. I think that's a real affront to the American people. And what I would suggest is that Senator McConnell in charge of the Senate. Let's host it in the Senate. This is the first time in history that the House would deny a president a forum of speaking. If she's going to do that, let's hold it in the Senate.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I do not like this idea. This is boring.

WATTERS: It's even more boring.

GUTFELD: It's even more boring. Don't host it.

WATTERS: You want to see a rally like Billings, Montana.

GUTFELD: No. Mar-a-Lago. I want to get a few days in the sun.

PERINO: What about going to El Paso?

WILLIAMS: He had a speech already, you know. He had a speech already in the Oval Office. Did it move anything? Did it change anything?

PERINO: This is the State of the Union address. It is a unifying thing for the country. There's very few traditions left --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: Do you think it would be unifying? I think he's staying up just telling more distortions and lies and misrepresentations.

SAPHIER: Government shutdown is not unifying right now.

PERINO: But I'm also OK with it going back to a written thing.

GUTFELD: Me, too.

PERINO: That was the original intent.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: But the way -- they're having a Super Bowl. You need a lot of security for that too, OK? We'll have more on the president canceling Pelosi's overseas trip later. But first, a new debate about what to do with Syria after the latest ISIS terror attack.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS: President Trump reacting to the terror attack in Syria yesterday that killed four Americans. ISIS is now claiming responsibility for that suicide blast. Here's the president at the Pentagon earlier.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Before presenting the results of our missile defense review, I want to take a moment to express my deepest condolences to the families of the brave American heroes who lay down their lives yesterday in selfless service to our nation. These are great people, great, great people. We will never forget their noble and immortal sacrifice.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS: The attack reigniting the debate over whether the president should withdraw troops from Syria. Jesse, I'm noting that so many Republicans, prominent Republicans say, you know, the president makes this announcement and suddenly we have an attack, and could it be that, in fact, the idea that he announced his plans led ISIS to take this action.

WATTERS: There's a school of thought when you announce you're pulling out that it would encourage attacks because then it looks, from a propaganda perspective, that you're running with your tail between your legs and you can't win the fight there.

But that's just propaganda. I think Trump has a very black-and-white view of the Middle East. He believes we're there for oil and to stop the Iranians from gaining more power. And that's it. And he very much dislikes the fact that these rich nations were protecting and they're not paying us a security retainer. He very much dislikes that.

And he heard all these generals for many, many years say that, you know, this is going to be generational fight with ISIS. And what happens? He came in in two years and destroyed about 90 percent of the caliphate.

I do understand the need to keep troops there for intelligence gathering purposes and to go after high-value targets, and that's an argument that needs to be had, but this is previewing his Afghanistan pullout. I think you're going to see that soon.

What's very interesting, Juan, is the Democrats had totally flip-flopped on Syria. When Obama was going in there with troops, the Democrats were saying no, no, don't go in. And now Trump wants to pull out and they're saying no, no, stay. It's just amazing. It's Trump derangement syndrome.

WILLIAMS: Nicole, I was struck that several people said to me -- do you remember when the president said that President Obama was wrong to announce his plans because once you do that the enemy knows what you're up to.

SAPHIER: Absolutely. And unfortunately, I'm actually am OK with it. I don't necessarily need to know the ins and outs of what's going on at the White House day to day. People are very upset saying this is a rush decision being made. All of a sudden the president announced that he was pulling out troops.

We don't actually know the conversations that have been had. All I know is that he campaigned on the fact to take troops out. He wasn't there to end the civil war, this big power play that's going on there. In his eyes, he has done what he said he -- to do, defeated ISIS. And now, he's trying to uphold his campaign promise by bringing the troops out.

So, he's doing what the American people elected him to do. I'm not a national security or an international policy person at all, but all I know is that he keeps saying he's going on what he was elected to do. And I can't fault him for that.

I do hope that he is listening to people around him because there could be some major consequences by pulling these out. I don't necessarily think that just because there was an attack today that there needs to be a halt on his plans.

WILLIAMS: So, Dana, you know, Nicole was saying she hopes he's listening to people around him, but we know Jim Mattis is gone, Brett McGurk, who was the envoy to deal with ISIS, is gone, both protested the withdrawal. How do you see it?

PERINO: I think you have to look at John Bolton and Mike Pompeo. They're the president's advisors. They were just over in the region. The president said, OK, if we hit these benchmarks, that's when we start drawing down.

General Jack Keane today on The Daily Briefing said we have a very light footprint there in Syria. We don't have actually people on the ground fighting. We have advisors there. What we know is that -- what Jesse said is like, yes, of course, they'll come after you.

I wouldn't disagree that the generational war is not against ISIS. The generational war is against radical Islamic extremism. So, we lost four soldiers yesterday. We also lost an American on Monday in Nigeria because of al-Shabaab, which is an al Qaeda offshoot. They come from Somalia into Kenya.

And so, this is a generational war. And I looked at people like Dan Crenshaw, Michael Waltz, Adam Kinzinger, all of them who had served and now are serving in congress who had said on air, in the last 48 hours, we were willing to go back over and over again. We believe that fighting them there is better than fighting them here. And every day that we prevent a 9/11 is a good day, but we have to keep our foot, our boot on the throat, right? Is that what they say, on the neck?

WILLIAMS: Jennifer Griffin, our Pentagon correspondent, Greg, said -- she quotes a foreign diplomat as saying these troops have a bull's eye on them when the president telegraphs that he is ordering a pullout. What do you think?

GUTFELD: Well, I don't get -- I don't understand how the -- how that announcement would incite ISIS to do this because it would just make us want to go back in. So I'm not sure. I don't necessarily agree whether that's related.

But I do believe you can hold two thoughts in your head at the same time, meaning you can believe that you are crushing ISIS but you will continue to crush them. That's how we treat cockroaches. Terrorism is one big cockroach mitigation system. The earth is the house. Terrorists are the roaches. Unfortunately, a lot of the tenants hate it when you spray for them. But that's their problem.

The thing that really bothers me is that the media narrative, it could be expressing horror over this vile attack and stressing vigilance against an existential terror, radical Islam, and how it feels terror. That's how the media narrative could be.

Instead, it's steepened in this smug mantra. Oh, but I thought ISIS was defeated. It was like they were -- there're people in the media taking pleasure out of this to say ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. I thought it was over. Pence said it was over. It was disgusting how pleased they were over this.

WILLIAMS: Wait a second. I think there're people here who said that.

GUTFELD: What? Said what?

WILLIAMS: ISIS is a -- it's a point of credit to President Trump.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Wait, you missed my point. What I'm saying is -- what I'm saying is people saw this and used it as a point to smugly refer to that rather than understanding that you can destroy 90 percent of -- but it still exists. This idea will exist forever. That's what I'm saying. You could have two thoughts in your head. You can say you're crushing ISIS but it's never going to end because it's an idea. Ideas are basically immortal, right?

WILLIAMS: I think that's right. But I must say also, and I think Dan Crenshaw might have picked up on this, that there's a power vacuum. And so you have Russia, you have Iran, you have, of course, Turkey sitting there going after American allies who fought with us. That's a danger too. So I think ISIS till exists, but I also think the president has not thought out all the consequences of this action.

Brand-new reaction to President Trump canceling Speaker Pelosi's overseas trip, we're going to have that for you coming up. But first, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez tries to confront Senator Mitch McConnell over the shutdown. We're going to show you this. You're going to want to see it. That's next here on The Five.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

PERINO: All right, a group of freshmen has Democrats running around Capitol Hill yesterday looking for Mitch McConnell. The group is trying to deliver a letter to the Senate majority leader demanding that he reopen the government, but they had a little trouble tracking him down.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ, D-N.Y.: We're marching over to Mitch McConnell's office and show him what's up, isn't that right?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's right.

OCASIO-CORTEZ: Hashtag where's Mitch? You can run but you can't hide.

We went to his office at the Capitol. We went to his office here at the Russel Building. We went to the floor. He's not -- we went to the cloakroom. He's not in the cloakroom. He's not in the Capital. He's not in the Russell Building. He's not on the floor of the Senate. And 800,000 people don't have their paychecks. So where's Mitch?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

PERINO: I wonder -- you know, Jesse, I sort of felt like she should be asking where's Chuck because Chuck is the one who's going to cut the deal with the White House.

WATTERS: True.

PERINO: I also found out that when they got over there and they found out McConnell wasn't there, the staff offered water and chocolates, a cup of coffee. And also, they had not made a copy of the letter that they wanted to give to him so they offered to make -- they made a copy for them and sent them on their way.

WATTERS: Well, it's gonzo journalism tactics. And I have some familiarity with that because when I used to run around the streets for O'Reilly, I used to insert myself into the story, make a spectacle, and make everything about me.

And she's creating the news about herself and that's her role. And she's - - has a very talent to focus attention on an issue and go viral, but not a lot of other Democrats had. But is Cocaine Mitch going to fall for this tactics? No. He sits around, he confirms, judges, he adds Senate seats, and he cuts taxes. This guy has been around a long time.

WILLIAMS: You know, I'm not -- I have -- Mitch McConnell and I always have -- but why do you call him that? It's kind of offensive.

WATTERS: I say it with love. And I think that was a nickname that was given to him by one of his primary opponents. I don't know if he's ever done --

PERINO: I know it was the West Virginia primary opponent that was then summarily handled by Mitch McConnell.

WILLIAMS: It's totally wrong to just perpetuate such a nasty name.

WATTERS: But, Juan, you know what --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Cocaine Mitch --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Cocaine Mitch is one of the great nicknames ever. I wish my nickname was Cocaine Greg.

PERINO: That could be arranged.

WATTERS: Yours is night fool (ph) Greg.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Sequel.

WATTERS: Sequel.

PERINO: What do you think about the Democrats turning to Mitch McConnell as their savior --

GUTFELD: Is that what she meant by running train?

PERINO: I don't know what she meant by running train?

GUTFELD: I don't think she knew what that meant. Anyway, you know what the thing is? AOC is vying to be the Democratic parties Trump. I said this months ago here on The Five. And we help her because we can't help ourselves, but it's not our fault.

She just feeds us so much delicious -- so many delicious segments that we can't help ourselves. Rasmussen had a poll that she's like a hypothetical poll she's neck and neck with Trump. It's because politicians are just so boring and crusty that any deviation is delicious, right?

WATTERS: Wait, Rasmussen, you're saying?

GUTFELD: Rasmussen, yes, yes. She's the Trump of the left right now. She's kind of entertaining to watch. But I hope that people do focus on her ideas because they're old and dead.

WILLIAMS: You know why Jesse said, oh, that that poll may have been --

WATTERS: That poll has got to be --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: That's a rigged poll.

WILLIAMS: I will say this to you. You know what strikes me is she is the queen of social media, right? So that's what she's doing.

GUTFELD: And Trump's the king.

WILLIAMS: Well, Trump has been the king, but she's coming strong.

GUTFELD: Yeah, I agree.

WILLIAMS: And I find it interesting because as my point is she has no real power. I think that the right is more fascinated with her than the left, but --

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Oh, I think the left --

SAPHIER: I don't actually -- no, no, no.

(CROSSTALK)

PERINO: Go ahead.

WILLIAMS: Go ahead. What do you think?

SAPHIER: You know, I think that there are a lot -- there's a lot of contention going-on on the left right now. And I think that she is ruffling feathers and maybe it's for the good of the party, maybe not.

The thing that bothers me is they look like a bunch of college students running around doing some sort of like sorority hunt or something, some fun and games when it's not fun and games what we're talking about. They said that the only thing left for them to do is to create noise.

Well, actually, you know what they can do? They can start working on uniting their party. You have House Majority Leader Hoyer saying that the -- building a wall is actually not immoral and it does work, but he just questions the effectiveness of it.

But then you have Congressman Omar who says that it's -- calls it the racist big wall. That's the problem. They have a massive divide. Come together. If they really feel --

WILLIAMS: Let me just tell you, doc. If they had a massive divide, they wouldn't be standing unified against Trump who's even trying to split Democrats off and can't do it.

SAPHIER: No. They're just unified against Trump. We're trying to talk about immigration reform and that's why the government is shutdown --

WILLIAMS: No.

SAPHIER: -- because they're not giving it. They're OK with some areas of the fence.

WILLIAMS: We're not talking about immigration reform. Democrats will be glad to talk about immigration reform. All Trump wants to talk about is his political symbol, a wall, that's inefficient --

GUTFELD: That works.

WILLIAMS: -- and ineffective.

SAPHIER: That is not ineffective. And, actually, you have Democrats saying that that is actually effective --

WILLIAMS: No.

SAPHIER: -- in the parts that it's there. Absolutely.

WILLIAMS: The parts that are there.

SAPHIER: I'm from Arizona. I know what happens in Yuma. You put up fences there, and all of a sudden, Yuma is doing amazing instead of not -- of having less and less illegal immigrants and a lot of the drugs that came across there.

WILLIAMS: Even the people --

SAPHIER: The fences were -- is it going to stop it? No, it's a barrier. I have small children. They will get over --

WILLIAMS: Oh, thank you. OK.

SAPHIER: -- those little fences you put up everywhere.

WILLIAMS: Well, that's the point, isn't it?

SAPHIER: But it's a barrier, and it's a deterrent. And it's going to lessen this.

WILLIAMS: There are better -- in other words, there are more effective ways to talk about doing border security, rather than -- and I must say, this is why Republicans --

WATTERS: Like what, Juan.

WILLIAMS: -- who are in power for those years didn't bring it up --

WATTERS: Juan -- Juan, what's more effective?

WILLIAMS: -- and didn't --

GUTFELD: Human chains.

WILLIAMS: A drone.

WATTERS: A drone. What does a drone do, Juan? A drone watches the illegal crossing?

WILLIAMS: Exactly. It doesn't watch; it prevents.

WATTERS: How does that stop?

WILLIAMS: So you have electronic sensors.

WATTERS: Juan, you can do drones and the wall. How about that? Do we have a deal?

WILLIAMS: No.

WATTERS: Do we have a deal?

WILLIAMS: No.

WATTERS: Do we have a deal? Drone and the wall.

WILLIAMS: Waste of --

WATTERS: It's not a waste of money to protect the country.

WILLIAMS: Oh, I see.

PERINO: We've got to run.

GUTFELD: Hey, you know what I noticed, though? That I like the fact that Nancy Pelosi is worried about the security at the State of the Union, not at the border.

WATTERS: Right.

WILLIAMS: That's not true.

WATTERS: Got o protect her members, not the country.

PERINO: Great line, Greg.

All right. President Trump grounds Nancy Pelosi's overseas trip in the latest government shutdown skirmish. New reaction, ahead.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

SAPHIER: All right. Well, new drama in the government shutdown back and forth. President Trump pulling the plug on Nancy Pelosi's overseas trip just an hour before she was set to take off. This comes after the speaker urged Trump to move his State of the Union address. Lawmakers reacting on both sides to the president's move.

I mean, guys --

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's petty. It's small. It's ridiculous.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm just shocked that she would ever think that she would leave the country. Why would you leave the country with the government shut down and you're speaker of the House?

REP. ADAM SCHIFF, D-CALIF.: Too often in the last two years, the president has acted like he's in the fifth grade. And to have someone who has that kind of character running the country is an enormous problem at every level.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

SAPHIER: I mean, OK, so they're upset that it sounds like someone in the fifth grade is running the country right now. But what is Pelosi doing on the other side? I mean, it's going back and forth. In all frankness, they're just posturing with American policy at this point.

And you know, Dana, my question to you is, this is our headline for today. But in all seriousness, what are you going to see tomorrow? Something more dramatic?

PERINO: Well, there will be -- right, because it's the show. Right? There has to be something that will be back-and-forth.

And in the meantime, I think that the pressure will ratchet up, because as it was reported today, even the White House is saying that the shutdown is having an effect on GDP, cutting it by about .1 percent every week that this goes on. That could start to add up.

You see stories about government workers having to figure out food banks. Right? So that they can do that. Yesterday, as Tyrus said, he talked to his friends in the Coast Guard who said they can't actually complete some of their work that they need to do to protect the Eastern Seaboard. So, you know, there's also problems that come that way.

And also 70 percent of workers all across America, 78 percent of Americans that work full-time, live paycheck to paycheck. So this is -- this is very real for a lot of people, and I understand why -- of course, I get it. We've laughed about it. I laughed about it at 2 p.m. when he stopped her trip.

And it's not just him punching her. Right? Remember, this is in response to her saying that "You shouldn't come and do the State of the Union during the shutdown." So when they're talking about the president being petty, you have to ask, you know, she did kind of start it.

SAPHIER: Well, absolutely.

WATTERS: You started it.

SAPHIER: Exactly. And unfortunately, it's funny, but it's not funny whatsoever.

So in your opinion, Juan, what do you think? Is -- tomorrow are going to see Speaker Pelosi say, now, affirmatively, "No, now you cannot give your State of the Union?" Is that going to be heard coming back? Or what is she doing next?

WATTERS: She's going to be unpacking, actually.

WILLIAMS: We went over this a little bit. So then the suggestion today from Rand Paul was, well, maybe Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader, might invite the president. Of course, he doesn't have the authority to do that. He's not speaker of the House. But -- or the president could give a speech somewhere else. Greg suggested that, with face painting and games and everything else.

SAPHIER: I know the options, but what is Pelosi going to do? Because it's tit-for-tat with these two.

WILLIAMS: I am so curious about you asking the question that way, because as I recall, Republicans, Mitch McConnell and all, said, "We have a deal, and we're going to pass a budget, a continuing resolution, before Christmas." It was the president who said, "No, I insist on a shutdown if I don't get my wall." That's the fifth-grade tantrum.

SAPHIER: They were passing that, knowing that the president wasn't going to sign it. And so again, we're posturing. So they need to have the president on board. Otherwise, it's just fluff.

PERINO: They didn't -- but they didn't know he wasn't going to sign it.

WILLIAMS: So in other words, you give into the bullying? Are you saying give into the bullying in every situation? Every time he bullies you, just do what he wants?

SAPHIER: Well, it's a very good point. Thank you, Juan.

And as Dana pointed out, they didn't actually know that he wasn't going to sign it. But that's why you need to have those conversations. They need to be better communicators. That's what they're there for. That's their job.

So Jesse --

WATTERS: Yes.

SAPHIER: -- so what do you think is going to happen? Do you think that the State of the Union is actually going to happen, or are we going to see a rally?

WATTERS: All I know is Pelosi is not going overseas.

SAPHIER: What's going to happen.

WATTERS: I don't know. I do know this. Juan, are you ready for this shock poll?

WILLIAMS: I'm ready, I'm ready.

WATTERS: This is an NPR poll, so you can't call it fake news.

WILLIAMS: OK.

WATTERS: Trump gains 19 points with Latino voters during border wall shutdown. What? I'm going to read it again, Juan. During this border wall shutdown where he's been going to the mattresses for more border security, his approval rating went from 31 percent among adult Latinos to 50 percent.

WILLIAMS: That's pretty good.

WATTERS: I stunned you. You don't even have to say anything, Juan. I'm just as stunned, too.

WILLIAMS: I am stunned.

WATTERS: I just can't believe that Latino Americans want the wall as much as I do.

WILLIAMS: Oh, get out of town.

WATTERS: Who knew?

WILLIAMS: In this time of year, winter, you are cherry picking. I don't know how you find them, but you're cherry picking.

WATTERS: Well, those cherries are delicious.

WILLIAMS: The polls are pretty clear that --

WATTERS: And you can't have any.

WILLIAMS: He's losing. He's losing.

WATTERS: He's not losing support among Latinos.

WILLIAMS: Oh, please.

WATTERS: And my other point is, Juan, everybody's talking about these government workers that are out of work. OK? And that's definitely sad.

But we don't hear the same concern from the media when liberal policies put American workers out of work. War on coal. We don't see these -- all these people saying, "Oh, my gosh."

Illegal aliens taking American jobs. "Oh, my gosh."

Manufacturing decline. "Oh, my gosh."

You don't hear the same concern. I just wish it was as balanced as it is today.

SAPHIER: So Greg, is this all asinine arrogance, or is it just complete media bias in the sense that you aren't hearing what Jesse's talking about; and what they're saying right now is, you know, we have the Coast Guard, we have TSA workers. Which by the way, I'm traveling this weekend, so this also concerns a lot of people.

So why don't we focus on everyone when everyone is affected? Policy going to the left or the right. And Jesse is absolutely right. When you have Democrats increasing taxes, you have people taking home less in their paychecks, but no one is really talking about it.

GUTFELD: I just wonder if Nancy already paid the neighbor to, like, throw the newspapers over the fence.

PERINO: Feed the cat.

GUTFELD: Feed the cat, water the plants. Think about all the things she was -- she had already set into motion.

Then think about her coworkers and staffers back at the office, who thought, "I'm having a week -- I'm having a week without Nancy." Yes, they probably start getting -- wearing their sandals to work. Well, I guess it's too cold for that. And then she's got to show up at work. That's kind of embarrassing.

I honestly think -- I'm going to reiterate it. I know that Donald Trump watches the show. You've got to do the alternative People's State of the Union. It will be historical. It will be a first. Do it someplace fun. Have some music.

PERINO: Start a trend.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: You could take the State of the Union out on the road.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Exactly.

PERINO: Every president could do that.

GUTFELD: Yes. It's like he's disrupted so many areas of the world everywhere. I mean, think about the Correspondents' Dinner, what he did to that. They returned to actually having a journalist there. So maybe you can return this to the written, to the written legend, and he could go have a party, and we can enjoy it.

WILLIAMS: Maybe -- maybe he could invite Joe Wilson.

SAPHIER: Whatever it is with their back and forth --

WILLIAMS: Remember Joe Wilson said to Obama: "You lie!"

SAPHIER: Whatever -- whatever it is back and forth, I'm concerned about the people who are not getting paid right now. You have GoFundMe campaigns.

PERINO: Yes.

SAPHIER: You have people who are needing this. We need to get this government shutdown over with.

All right. Well, guys, a wild cruise ship stunt and what the heck is that thing in the water in Maine? That and more in "The Fastest Five," up next. "Fastest Seven," next. Sorry.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WATTERS: Welcome back. Time for "The Fastest Seven."

First up, what's an easy way to get yourself banned from a cruise ship? Maybe if you do something crazy like this guy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(MAN JUMPS FROM SHIP'S DECK INTO THE WATER)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (EXPLETIVE DELETED) Oh, my God. (EXPLETIVE DELETED) (LAUGHS)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Some people are laughing, but Royal Caribbean banned the guy after his 100-foot plunge.

PERINO: Yes.

WATTERS: Luckily, he wasn't seriously hurt.

PERINO: Really?

WATTERS: Greg, one of the ways you avoid doing this is to never go on a cruise.

GUTFELD: No, you know what? Being banned from a cruise line would be my dream.

WATTERS: It's a badge of honor.

GUTFELD: Because the thing is, I've been asked to go on cruises, and I hate cruises because I don't like -- I don't like events that you can't escape from. You know, the only way you -- if you want to get off a cruise, because you --

PERINO: Is jump.

GUTFELD: No, you either do that or you fake an illness and you get a helicopter ride. I've looked into this.

WATTERS: Is this what they do at the National Review cruise? They just -- everybody jumps off?

PERINO: I've never been on one, but Greg has.

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: You have.

GUTFELD: Yes. It was interesting. If you get trapped at the bar, you're screwed. Kat Timpf went on one. It was not a pleasant thing for her.

WATTERS: OK. Juan, what do you think? This is a little dangerous, though. The guys said -- he said he couldn't walk for three days.

WILLIAMS: Is that what he said?

WATTERS: Yes.

WILLIAMS: Well, I wonder why.

I mean, it's extremely dangerous. And I saw that some of the social media people now say they're not going to run --

GUTFELD: The video.

WILLIAMS: -- these kinds of videos, because it just encourages bad behavior.

WATTERS: But we will on "The Five."

Nicole, what do you think?

SAPHIER: I mean, this makes for great television and a great thing to see on social media.

PERINO: Don't do it.

SAPHIER: But to Juan's point, this is very dangerous, and unfortunately, people are going to watch this, and it's going to become the new thing, new challenge.

WATTERS: Oh, is this a new thing now? Is this like the Tide Pod challenge?

SAPHIER: And he said he hurt his neck and his tailbone, too. you could actually kill yourself doing that.

WILLIAMS: Yes.

SAPHIER: Because of the impact. This isn't funny.

GUTFELD: Darwin Awards.

SAPHIER: This is stupid. Don't do it.

PERINO: Don't do it.

WATTERS: All right. Next.

PERINO: Listen to the doctor.

WATTERS: No. This is not the moon or an alien spacecraft. It's a spinning disk of ice. It formed on a river in Maine this week. Lots of people are mesmerized by this. Scientists say the sharp edges of the 300- foot chunk of ice are rounded off by repeated collisions with the shore or floating debris. And it does look beautiful. I don't know what it is.

PERINO: This is a great choice for your "Fastest Seven."

WATTERS: I did not choose this. This was chosen by -- producers.

GUTFELD: Yes, I got this in the mail.

PERINO: Way to sell sell it.

GUTFELD: I got this in the mail, I'm going, "We're doing this story?"

Actually, a tequila company should descend there and make the world's largest margarita. Just drop -- airdrop tequila. A balloon, giant balloon of tequila and margarita mix.

PERINO: And salt.

GUTFELD: And you salt the rim.

PERINO: It's a great idea.

WATTERS: Salt to the rim.

PERINO: You made this very interesting.

GUTFELD: I try. I try.

WATTERS: Alcohol analogies, you are No. 1.

GUTFELD: Just put a giant five on it. It would be like our "Five" logo.

WATTERS: Juan, you like this story.

WILLIAMS: I did. I wanted it to be my "One More Thing." I think the NHL should just put two teams out there.

GUTFELD: That's a better idea.

WILLIAMS: Play hockey.

SAPHIER: That's good. You know what I'm going to like? I just like just sitting and watching it, because it's very mundane. And I really could use some mundane television right now, just with all the back-and-forth going on in the media. So I'm just going to sit and stare at this beautiful --

GUTFELD: Are you tired of the back and forth.

PERINO: Wait until Saturday at 8 p.m.

SAPHIER: -- circular ice.

GUTFELD: You're on "The Five."

WILLIAMS: Greg and I love to entertain you.

WATTERS: I think Nancy's watching it.

SAPHIER: Not your back and forth.

WATTERS: She's calming down.

SAPHIER: The back-and-forth we've been obsessing about.

WATTERS: All right.

SAPHIER: Because that's what's going on.

WATTERS: Finally, a college campus comes up with a new way to order pizza.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It actually works just like an ATM machine.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: First of all, you kind of just follow instructions. You hit start here. Add. Confirm. It takes about 3 minutes. It will come through, and then it pops out right there.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's a 10-inch pizza for $8, and we've sold approximately 400 pizzas in our first week.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: A pizza ATM. Do you think this is high-quality stuff in there?

SAPHIER: I mean, honestly, you know, I have a son in college, so I'm sure they're going to love this.

But let me tell you, I am maybe a little bit old-school. I get worried about human jobs being taken away by -- by ATM machines. I mean, what's -- what about the pizza delivery guy? What's he going to do? He needs that cash.

But whatever. It's great for college campuses.

WATTERS: Robots, Greg.

GUTFELD: Robots, love them.

Pizza vending machines, who needs it? We are -- all commerce now is actually a vending machine. Your laptop is a vending machine. You sit down, you open it up and you push a button, and in two hours, something ends up at your doorstep.

We are now a vending machine nation. This is just -- actually, wait 30 minutes longer, and you get a better pizza. Right? Just press a button.

I love the little thermometer, like when you do Domino's, and it shows you how far your pizza is from your house? That excites me to no end.

WATTERS: I think kids are --

SAPHIER: Do you sit and watch it?

GUTFELD: Yes, I do.

WATTERS: I think the college students after a few drinks are going to start knocking these things over and stealing all the pies.

GUTFELD: That's true.

PERINO: I have a friend named Josh Deckard (ph). He loves pizza so much. I think he probably wanted to maybe invest in something like this.

Imagine this at the airport.

WILLIAMS: You know, I'm glad you said that.

PERINO: You could really sell a lot of these in an airport.

WILLIAMS: So I was at the airport, too often in my life. And guess what? It looks just like that now. All they do is they follow a prescription and basically put it in. One, two, three, just like they did in that vending machine. So I'm not sure there's a big difference between the product.

PERINO: Yes, I bet it's good.

GUTFELD: Yes.

PERINO: We should actually -- can we get one for --?

SAPHIER: I'm sure it's mediocre at best, just like most --

GUTFELD: Get a vending machine in here on "The Five."

PERINO: Can we get a food court?

WATTERS: Yes. You know what, producers, why don't we have a pizza vending machine?

GUTFELD: We should have a vending -- we should have -- we should have a vending machine for talking points. So you get up to the vending machine, and you go, "Syria." And you press that button.

PERINO: Shutdown.

GUTFELD: And you get these talking --

PERINO: Syria A or Syria B? Leave or stay?

GUTFELD: Exactly.

WATTERS: Or we could just listen to Limbaugh. Either way.

GUTFELD: That's your machine.

WATTERS: "One More Thing" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: All right. It's "One More T" -- "One More Thing" -- Jesse.

WATTERS: Are you on Fox Nation, Greg?

GUTFELD: Yes, I am, as a matter of fact.

WATTERS: Have you heard about Fox Nation? Has everybody heard about Fox Nation?

GUTFELD: It's unbelievable.

PERINO: I'm on Fox Nation.

WATTERS: All right. If you're on Fox Nation, one of the things you got to see are amazing documentaries like this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Conservatism, the most important development in modern American history.

GRAPHIC: The creation of a movement

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: If we want to take this party back let's get to work!

GRAPHIC: The rebirth of the right.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The future of the conservative movement is brighter than it ever has been.

GRAPHIC: The Conservatives: The Right, All Along

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: So this is a documentary about the founding of the modern conservative movement. It goes back in time, but it also looks for future conservative leaders.

GUTFELD: I wonder who they --

WATTERS: I wonder who could --

PERINO: Are you in it?

WATTERS: I don't believe I am. I know Charlie Kirk and Candace Owens were. Ben Shapiro.

Greg, are you young enough to be a future leader?

GUTFELD: No, I'm a has-been.

WATTERS: OK.

GUTFELD: I'm a has-been.

WATTERS: So check that out. Also --

WILLIAMS: Wait a minute. You're not in it?

WATTERS: I'm not in it.

WILLIAMS: Oh, come on. That's not fair.

WATTERS: I'm too young, Juan.

WILLIAMS: All right.

GUTFELD: All right, Juan.

WATTERS: Why is that so funny?

WILLIAMS: All right, all right. So a cop walks into the basketball locker room at TCU, Texas Christian University. It looked like a serious situation when the officer asked one of the players to identify himself.

The player was Owen Aschieris. Take a look at what happened.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(CHEERS)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WILLIAMS: As you can see, the 6'1" guard from San Diego was not in trouble with the police. To the contrary: the paper in the officer's hand announced a basketball scholarship beginning in the spring semester.

Aschieris, who made the team as a walk-on -- yes, he just walked on the team -- now he has a scholarship -- scored big with the scholarship. And to me, a wonderful reminder, the joy of how college sports can open doors for young people.

GUTFELD: All right, Dana.

PERINO: All right. Well, you know, people like to say, "Well, I'm in the winter." (ph) One of the ways to do that is exercise.

GUTFELD: I love that, exercising.

PERINO: Exercise by laughing, because now we've got some of these.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GRAPHIC: Dana's Corny Jokes)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: OH, jeez.

WATTERS: I was just about to say, we are due for these.

PERINO: All right. No. 1 is -- these are winter related. OK? So get in the mood.

OK. What did the snowman have for breakfast?

GUTFELD: Ice! Toast.

PERINO: Frosted snowflakes.

WATTERS: Oh!

GUTFELD: Ice toast.

PERINO: All right. What do snowmen called their offspring?

GUTFELD: Ballers.

WATTERS: Chillun.

PERINO: Chill-dren!

WATTERS: Chill-dren, yes. Jesse, you got it, man.

PERINO: OK. What's it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A snowman has a temper tantrum.

GUTFELD: He flakes out.

SAPHIER: Greg.

WATTERS: That's a good one.

PERINO: That's a good one, but he has a -- meltdown.

WATTERS: Ohh!

WILLIAMS: Ohh! There we go.

GUTFELD: Once again these are not jokes. These are riddles!

PERINO: Riddles.

GUTFELD: All right. Time for --

PERINO: Oh, no.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD (singing): Animals are great! Animals are great! Animals are great!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: All right. If there's one thing you know about chameleons, chameleons love their bubbles. Check out this chameleon and check out the bubble. Aww, look at him! He is having -- you know that he looks like? He looks like a reptilian Anthony Kiedis, which is kind of redundant. Because Anthony Kiedis looks at a reptile.

But look at that. Nothing happier than a little chameleon getting some bubbles. Because after all --

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD (singing): Animals are great! Animals are great! Animals are great!

(END VIDEO CLIP)

SAPHIER: I don't really know how I can follow that.

I don't know how I'm going to follow up with that, but good news, guys. White Castle is now taking Valentine's Day reservations for anyone who's already planning or hasn't planned yet.

Every little girl dreams of being swept off her feet by Prince Charming and whisked away to a castle, so here you are. White Castle -- yes, the fast food restaurant -- is now taking reservations for its annual Valentine's Day celebration. The experience features hostesses, themed decor and even table service.

GUTFELD: Fantastic.

SAPHIER: It's the same menu. It's just a different experience.

GUTFELD: No, I'm doing this definitely.

WATTERS: Nicole, you're new, so you don't understand, really, what to do here. But the move is to get White Castle hamburgers on the set.

GUTFELD: Yes, where are they?

PERINO: That's why we do this segment.

GUTFELD: Bring them now. Bring them now. By the way, they have done that.

WILLIAMS: Maybe --

GUTFELD: We've got to go.

WILLIAMS: Maybe Clemson could go. Trump could take Clemson for Valentine's Day.

GUTFELD: Why does it have to be white?

SAPHIER: Thirty-thousand couples did it last year, so maybe you guys will go this year.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is up next.

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