This is a rush transcript from "The Five," November 21, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Juan Williams, along with Emily Compagno, Jesse Waters, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City. This is The Five. Another blockbuster day of impeachment hearings on Capitol Hill. Former National Security Council official Fiona Hill testifying, as well as David Holmes, the State Department aide who overheard President Trump and Ambassador Gordon Sondland's July 26 phone call in the Ukraine. Fireworks erupting early on today when Fiona Hill clashed with Republicans over claims of Ukrainian 2016 election interference:


FIONA HILL: Some of you on this committee appear to believe that Russia and its security services did not conduct a campaign against our country and that perhaps somehow, for some reason, Ukraine did. This is a fictional narrative that has been perpetrated and propagated by the Russian security services themselves.

MALE SPEAKER: The 240-page report analyzed 2016 Russian meddling campaign. I asked my staff to hand these reports to our two witnesses today. Needless to say, it is entirely possible for two separate nations to engage in election meddling at the same time. And Republicans believe we should take meddling seriously by all foreign countries, regardless of which campaign is the target.


WILLIAMS: And here's David Holmes recalling Ambassador Sondland's phone call with President Trump:


DAVID HOLMES: Was quite loud when the president came on, quite distinctive. When the president came on, he sort of winced and held the phone away from his ear like this. And then Ambassador Sondland said, said "he loves your ass. Will do whatever you want." He said he can do the investigation.

MALE SPEAKER: What was Ambassador Sondland's response?

DAVID HOLMES: He said, "oh, yeah, he's going to do it. He'll do anything you ask."


WILLIAMS: President Trump tweeting his defense of that call. "I've been watching people make phone calls my entire life. My hearing is and has been great. Never have I been watching a person make a call which was not on a speaker phone and been able to hear or understand a conversation. I've even tried, but to no avail. Try it live." What do you say, Jesse?

JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Well, some people say that Trump's hearing is his best attribute, Juan.


WILLIAMS: Is that right?

WATTERS: I also will say this.

WILLIAMS: Wait, was that a put down of the president?



WATTERS: The hoax is over. It's done. Whole thing's up in smoke. I mean, you guys tried. You failed. You didn't have one witness to testify that Trump directed a quid pro quo involving military aid. Not one. So, let's go home. Let's just forget it all happened. Nancy Pelosi wasted everyone's time. What did she do in 2019, Juan? She got bullied by AOC, she shut down the government, and then she failed to impeach the president. We're going to look back at 2019 like "what? You did nothing." No NAFTA renegotiation, no drug prices, no infrastructure. What happened today? Someone overheard a phone call? So what? He eavesdropped? The president said, "I don't give a blank about Ukraine." Well, neither does the country. The other one had a great accent. Why was she even there? I mean, this is the reason Trump is dual tracking diplomacy in Ukraine in the first place because of people like Fiona, because Fiona doesn't even know there was Ukraine collusion. I mean, she actually met Christopher Steele and saw the dossier before the dossier went public. I mean, the whole thing comes down to this. Trump's vision aligns with populism, skeptical of foreign aid, and doesn't like these swampy Joe Biden type deals. So, we're looking at this. This is the best you got? Try again.

WILLIAMS: Alright. So, let's -- in fact, you mentioned Nancy Pelosi, the speaker. Let's listen to what Nancy Pelosi had to say:


SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI: The Republicans are in denial about the facts. If the Republicans do not want to honor their oath of office and then I don't think the dispute should be -- we should be characterized as partisan in any way because we are patriotic.


WILLIAMS: So today we heard from Fiona Hill, Dana, who said that John Bolton, who was the national security adviser for President Trump, knew what was going on, warned her to stay out of domestic politics, that they were handling international affairs, foreign affairs. You can't say that John Bolton's a never-Trumper. You can't say that he's a Democrat. And yet he was very leery of this effect. You know, he said at one point, this is their drug deal, talking about Rudy and the gang.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: So, one thing I would say is I feel like John Bolton was a really good boss because he was looking out for his people. He didn't want to get them into a situation where they ultimately ended up, which is testifying in front of Congress about something that they didn't really have anything to do with that they were just [unintelligible] witnesses, too, but that they have to hire lawyers. They have to take time out of their work. They have to come there and be humiliated by Republicans and Democrats who just want to make speeches and be rude about them. The thing about Fiona Hill is that in her deposition, she testified that the Steele dossier was ridiculous. That might not be the word, but she said that it was discredited. The Republicans don't ask her to talk about that today in the hearing. I think on some of the cross-examination, they went after her for things that were a little bit strange. She was actually defending the president on several things. She said, for example, that too could be understood that the president would be frustrated.

WILLIAMS: Dana, why don't we hear it?

PERINO: Better to hear it from her than me, yes.

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: She has a nice voice.

WILLIAMS: Oh, you like that?

PERINO: Great accent.

WILLIAMS: I don't see that.


MALE SPEAKER: During your deposition, I ask you, was Christopher Steele's dossier a rabbit hole? Do you remember the answer you gave to --.

FIONA HILL: Yes, I thought it was a rabbit hole.

MALE SPEAKER: Yeah. And you also said a couple of pages later in the deposition or in the transcript that I have here of your deposition that you thought he got played. Is that fair?

FIONA HILL: That is fair, yes.



PERINO: During the deposition, she went deeper into it. But if that was one of their goals, they didn't dwell on it. She also defended Elise Stefanik from attacks because she talked about how she was attacked because she was called angry at some point when she said, actually, I'm just doing my job. She said also that it could be understood -- she absolutely understood that the president would be very hurt and frustrated by the fact that there were all these heads of state and people in the government in Europe who were dissing him in 2015 and 2016, but that that did not affect the way that he dealt with those countries. I thought that was a super strong defense of the president. And yet there they were one by one, just trying to knock her down and I'm like, wait, why are you doing that to somebody who is actually trying to help you?

WILLIAMS: Alright. So, in fact, though, the RNC is running an ad attacking the hearings. Here it is.


FEMALE SPEAKER: This is about preventing a potentially disastrous outcome from occurring next year.

DINA TITUS: I'd like to impeach the bastard right now.

NANCY PELOSI: An imposter.

FEMALE SPEAKER: He really should be punished.

MALE SPEAKER: That charlatan in the White House.

RASHIDA TLAIB: We're going to impeach the motherf____r.

FEMALE SPEAKER: I am not running for anything except the impeachment of Trump.

FEMALE SPEAKER: We cannot accept a second term for Donald Trump.

AL GREEN: If we don't impeach this president, he will get reelected.



GUTFELD: Yeah. That's a great ad because now we know this, that the same people that are saying they want Trump out now have always wanted Trump out. You can't take them seriously because this has been their narrative. It's like dating somebody new. Would you take advice from the person you just dumped? No, because they have too much emotional investment in the past. And the emotional investment here is the hatred of Trump. You think of Pelosi saying something about just recently and we showed about being nonpartisan. She's like the real estate agent pretending to be objective when she gives you a tour of an unmitigated dump and saying, oh, it's a charming fixer upper. No, this is a dump. All right. I think that this is going to be a huge boon to Trump. We're already seeing it in the swing states, and I think they might be setting him up for a landslide. It's like when you watch a running back, like Franco Harris or Earl Campbell going towards the end zone carrying seven or eight people. The resistance becomes the momentum. He is turning the resistance into momentum that is carrying him forward. That's a football analogy, America.

WILLIAMS: Hey, Emily.

EMILY COMPAGNO, GUEST CO-HOST: Beast mode. Well, if I can just say that what I thought was peeled back today was a really interesting illustration of how important process and old guard and new guard is to a lot of these structures. And I was brought in when I was a federal managing attorney to a certain office and essentially to clean house. But what I was doing was inheriting an existing structure and an existing process and trying to kind of put a new guard in. And it is a struggle that it's really difficult to convey, I think, the weight of that old guard and the weight of the process and how strongly, as we saw today, for example, and most especially from Dr. Hill, who says, look, this is the way that we are used to and the reason we are is because it works. So the question for Americans and for right now, congressmen, is whether or not the disruption of that process is in a way that they find impeachable.

WILLIAMS: Impeachable?

You mean whether or not the evidence presented this week, the Sondland testimony about quid pro quo? The people say that's enough or not enough. What do you say?

COMPAGNO: Whether these representatives feel that in this fact-finding week, that they have enough to go on to make their informed decisions, personally representing their constituents to make the vote. That would be the next step.

WILLIAMS: All right. Up next, more reaction to this week's impeachment hearings.


WATTERS: Impeachment circus wrapping up this week as the media continues to embarrass themselves over and over again, every hour of coverage contains some kind of bombshell or it's explosive testimony. But the next one really takes the cake. CNN's Chris Cuomo clearly inspired by my highly acclaimed mom text series. Why are you laughing? So, he called his own mom on live TV to prove how easy it is to overhear a call like today's witness claims he did with Trump. Listen:


CHRIS CUOMO: Can you just say hello? Mom. She probably can't hear me. Mom, can you hear me?

MATILDA CUOMO: Yes, I hear you. When you talk to me, I hear you.

CHRIS CUOMO: I'm talking to you. Say hello to Dana Bash.

DANA BASH: Hi, Mrs. Cuomo. How are you?

CHRIS CUOMO: All right.


WATTERS: That's gold, Greg. I don't know his best part of the coverage.

GUTFELD: Chris Cuomo is the master of the self own. Whenever he goes for a joke, he's incapable of seeing that he's the butt of his own jokes, which makes me laugh. But you know what I mean, to your point about everything like an explosive turning point. This is going to be the day that changes everything. This is porn for people who lost their sex drive in 2016.

WATTERS: There's a pill for that, I think.

GUTFELD: think it advertises on Fox.

WATTERS: All right, Dana, one of the reasons I think that they haven't been able to persuade not only Republicans, but the regular American people is because you can watch these hearings yourself. You could see them. You don't need to hear CNN or ABC tell you what to think. You can watch. And if you watch just for an hour, you don't see bombshells. You don't see explosive testimony. So, you know, you're being lied to when you tune in later for analysis.

PERINO: So, yeah, it's interesting because so Fox News has had tremendous viewership throughout this entire thing. And it's not because we've been on TV the entire time, even though I'm sure that's why they would like to tune in. People are genuinely interested. The results so far that have come back from the public opinion surveys about how they're feeling about impeachment, both nationally and in some of the battleground states have shown that the Democrats are basically not persuading America that the president should be impeached. And I don't think that means that there's not going to be a close election, or it could mean that the president ultimately wins in a landslide. It's too early to tell. But I think that most voters are thinking, let's move on, let's fight this out in November of 2020.

WATTERS: 'Yeah. Juan, one of the reasons -- it's not a persuadable case, it's very complex. There's a lot of different layers. You have WMD, Watergate, Lewinsky, Iran Contra -- you can explain that to an eight-year-old, maybe not the Lewinsky thing, but you can expect that to a very young person. This, you know, you can watch hours of this hearing and you still don't know what's going.


WATTERS: Yeah. Even the people testifying don't know what's going on.

WILLIAMS: Oh, that's clear from your perspective.

WATTERS: Sondland yesterday -- I don't know what was up.

WILLIAMS: I'll tell you what struck me today was Republicans stop questioning Hill and Holmes. Instead, they went into these kinds of partisan rants. And it was like at the end that they're just ranting at the witness because they don't want to hear anything to do with facts. It's like Republicans -- oh, she didn't have a fact?

WATTERS: -- she got fired this summer before the whole thing started.

WILLIAMS: She had a lot of facts. She had a lot of --.

WATTERS: She got fired a long time.

WILLIAMS: Dana's upset.

PERINO: I'm not upset.


I thought -- you said you don't like her being tracked. I don't like her being tracked because -- she was a strong candidate. I think witness Yovanovitch strong. What Fiona Hill said was, I'm here as a fact witness. It's up to you, the Congress, to decide about impeachment. But she said, you know what? I chose to go into the Trump administration. Here's what happened with my boss, John Bolton. Here's what I heard. Here's meetings I went into to say, you guys can't do this here. It's inappropriate. You're pursuing a separate channel. And then to hear how she was attacked, how she is said to be -- I think it's Roger Stone and Alex Jones. Oh, she's a George Soros plant. Well, I mean, this is just --

WATTERS: I don't know if she's a George Soros plan. I think when she says I don't like politics, Emily, getting involved in diplomacy, I mean, Barack Obama pulled out of -- he lied about Benghazi. Barack Obama spied on Donald Trump -- politics. No one blew the whistle then.

COMPAGNO: The only way to find the whistle was too short. Listen, here is what happened in the federal government while the viewers of mainstream media were subjected to these impeachment hearings and our tax dollars are pouring in. We what we did this week on Wednesday, the Senate confirmed the first Cuban American woman judge of the 11th Circuit, which shifted that balance toward the GOP's favor. And that's the third court that has been shifted and flipped during this administration. That's a big deal. A veteran suicide bill made great strides this week as well. And in a state that really matters for this election, which is Wisconsin. We got that poll that came out yesterday that said Trump is head-to-head or surpassed all of the Dems that are leading and most importantly, the majority of voters there oppose impeachment. So, in a state that really matters, no one cares about this.

WATTERS: Alright. We're going to move on from impeachment, alright? Because the Democrats had a debate last night. You might not even know. Greg has got the whole thing next.


GUTFELD: The clown car rolled into Atlanta, dropping off a pile of broken toys minus the batteries. There was Gramps, who sounded like a 10-year-old coming down from the laughing gas after getting a tooth pulled:


JOE BIDEN: The next president of the United States is going to have to do to two things. Defeat Donald Trump. That's number one. And number two, it's going to have to be able to go into states like Georgia and North Carolina and other places and get a Senate majority.


GUTFELD: Maybe it's not his fault. He did just find out he was a grandfather. Then there was the cop pretending to be something she's not:


KAMALA HARRIS: I think that it's unfortunate that we have someone on the stage who is attempting to be the Democratic nominee for president of the United States, who during the Obama administration spent four years full-time on Fox News criticizing President Obama.


GUTFELD: Yeah, it's unfortunate to have the guts to go on TV and face tough questions. Maybe you should throw her in jail. And who is this guy again?


TOM STEYER: But I'm different from everybody else on this stage. I'm the only person on this stage who will say that climate is the number one priority for me. I'm the only person on this stage who's spent decades building an international business. I'm the person who can do it.


GUTFELD: Did someone leave John Kerry out in the sun? God, I miss Marianne and Swalwell. It would have been a gas. Dana. Yeah. But thank God they focused on child welfare.


AMY KLOBUCHAR: We should codify Roe v. Wade into law.

BERNIE SANDERS: Understand that it's women who control their own bodies, not politicians.

CORY BOOKER: This is a voting issue. This is a voter suppression issue.

ELIZABETH WARREN: I believe that abortion rights are human rights.


GUTFELD: Nice. Yeah. In case you forgot, for Dems, abortion is the ultimate childcare. No need for a babysitter when there's no baby to sit. Bottom line, you could have found more fire in a bag of prunes. Impeachment theater drained them of energy and intelligence, leaving them all searching for something to say to each other than "orange man bad." None of them laid a glove on the other, which is good hygiene. But you know what the debate stage really was? It was that cabin at Camp Crystal Lake from Friday the 13th. And all of those candidates are the stupid teenagers making idiotic decisions. Let's check out the basement. Let's go skinny dipping alone. Above all, don't hop in that car to escape. And Trump. He's the ever-present Jason waiting to pick each and every one of them off. He's there on that stage, even when he isn't. You know, it's sad to think that someday Trump will not be president and the whole world will look like a Democratic debate. But like Jason, maybe we'll just keep bringing him back. Let's look at the positives. Juan, I thought Booker won. I thought that he expressed energy and brains, like he could be on stage. But do you think it's too late for him?

WILLIAMS: No, it's not too late, because I think this is up in the air in many ways. But I don't know why you thought he won. If you were saying, oh, you know what, finally, one of the Democrats defended the rich because what he said was Elizabeth Warren going after, you know, a wealth tax on the rich, two percent on people who have billions and all -- he said, well, wait a second, no, the real way to do this to appeal to voters is to talk about wealth creation. How can we help you to become rich and the like? But I thought he was pretty much a non-factor early on, he didn't get much airtime. And I thought that if you were looking for a winner and loser scenario, I would say Pete Buttigieg, who is now the front runner in Iowa, at least, I don't think anybody went after him. I thought that Elizabeth Warren, again, it's not that she made any breakthroughs, but she stood there, and I think she occupied a lot of time, spoke a lot. And Bernie, again, I just don't think it changed anything. And if you look at the ratings, I don't think many people were --

GUTFELD: That's true. Jesse, it really kind of just laid there flat when you were watching it.

WATTERS: I was actually laying flat while I was watching it.


WATTERS: I thought it was the worst debate so far. I thought it was pathetic, bunch of platitudes. These people are unwatchable. They're boring. No one's breaking through with any clear policy. There's no, even, soundbites or sharp exchanges. I mean, they're talking about climate refugees? What is a climate refugee? It's too hot somewhere, so you pack up and move north? I mean, these things aren't real things that people care about in this country. I heard Biden answer that first question and I thought to myself, it's officially over for him. He had some dark energy going on last night. He looked medicated. I don't know what was coming out of his mouth. Bernie, you know, what you see is what you get. "The billionaires, the billion --" You know, OK. We know, Bernie, you hate billionaires. I mean and what's Biden doing punching down to Tom Steyer? Why is Kamala Harris punching down to Tulsi Gabbard? It's like these people don't even know how to win elections. Mayor Pete sitting there at 5 foot 3, you know, all polished. No one's laying a glove on him. He's surging. And they're not even pretending like they know what they're doing. Who is it? Booker acts like Barney, you know, the big purple guy, the cartoon. He's surprised that everything. Oh, gosh. Oh, golly. I mean, these are not really impressive candidates. And I think this impeachment thing is actually enhanced Donald Trump's aura. I mean, he's out there besieged by enemies, slaying dragons, slapping around China, killing terrorists. And these people are squabbling over climate refugees. So, it's over.

GUTFELD: Emily, what do you -- anything to add to that?

COMPAGNO: I think that said it all.

WILLIAMS: Yeah, really.

COMPAGNO: I felt like it was like when you see a sequel to a movie that just totally repeats the original movie, and it's so frustrating. And you're like this. There's nothing new.

GUTFELD: It's like Oceans 55.


WATTERS: No wait, wait. What about when Booker said that Biden must have been high when he said.

GUTFELD: That was a great one.

WATTERS: That was a good line.

WILLIAMS: Ahhh, ok, so you did watch.

COMPAGNO: I did think it illustrated a little bit, but, probably --

GUTFELD: That's why I said it was good. Go ahead.

COMPAGNO: But probably not to the extent that we didn't know already. But who gets flustered and who would shine or could hold their own, I should say, against President Trump?

GUTFELD: Yeah, Dana?

COMPAGNO: That's what I felt like.

PERINO: Two people. I think on Yang, he's like one of the only guys that's talking to, one of the only candidates, who is talking to the suburbs directly.


PERINO: Like he understands the suburbs anxiety. He speaks to it, and he has ideas for how to deal with their anxieties, whether you like them or not. But he has talking to them that suburban group. And I think that's how he's able to maintain this like five or six percent. He's not going to be the nominee. But he sticks out there. And Mayor Pete seems to be the only one that is able to ad lib an attack.


PERINO: Everybody else has things that are like well written out for them, so then they know when they're going to, you know, queue my line.


PERINO: It was hard to imagine last night how any of them gets to 270 electoral votes.

GUTFELD: Yeah, interesting. But we're going to do it again in the next block. Coming up, Joe Biden's gaffes were so bad at the debate, even Democrats are calling him out.



JOE BIDEN: No man has a right to raise a hand to a woman in anger other than in self-defense. We have to change the culture, period, and keep punching at it and punching at it and punching at it. There will be a big -- I really mean it. I'm part of that Obama coalition. I come out of the black community in terms of my support. Three former chairs of the Black Caucus, the only African-American woman that had ever been elected to the United States Senate. A whole range of people.

CORY BOOKER: That's not true. That's not true.

KAMALA HARRIS: The other one is here.

JOE BIDEN: I said the first. I said the first African-American --


PERINO: Joe Biden being criticized for those gaffes during the debate, including from people in his own party. Former Obama adviser David Axelrod giving this harsh assessment.


DAVID AXELROD: I wouldn't say that he was a house of fire in any of the debates that we've been been to. And yet he comes kind of bumps along, you know, kind of Mr. Magoo wing his way through this. And you keep worrying that he's going to hit a wall. But he's moving forward.


PERINO: And there it is true. He continues to move forward. Juan, his the early state polls, Iowa, New Hampshire, not so good. But across the board, you look at South Carolina in the national polls. Voters seem to think that he is the most electable against Donald Trump. That seems to be what they believe.

WILLIAMS: Right. And as he pointed out, Donald Trump is making the case for him. In that phone call with Zelensky, he says he wants dirt on not Bernie Sanders, not Elizabeth Warren. He wants dirt on guess who? Joe Biden.

WATTERS: Those words were never ever used.

WILLIAMS: Oh, yeah. He didn't say Biden's name? .Come on. Oh, please.

WATTERS: Read the perfect call transcript.

WILLIAMS: Are the Republicans just blind --.

GUTFELD: You can't make up stuff.

WILLIAMS: But I will say this. I loved Axelrod's analogy, Mr. Magooing his way through, right? But you know, what's kind of baked in at this point with Joe Biden? I think people who like Joe Biden, who think he can beat Trump say, you know, we like this guy and we think he can do it. Now, I will say yes, at the debate, I thought the whole Medicare For All thing really was a moment, because you have President Obama saying we can't have revolution. We've got to have sort of incremental change. Bernie Sanders comes back and says, yeah, we've got to fix a broken, dysfunctional political system for the American people. And I think that's a real debate. I mean, it's almost like I'd like to see Bernie versus Obama on the stage.

PERINO: Well, you kind of did, right? In 2016. I mean in that primary. But Bernie Sanders just says the same thing over and over again.

WATTERS: Yeah. I mean, Bernie is going to stay at 20, 19, 18. That's fine. And he'll take it all the way to the convention and just screw everything up. So, you know, keep donating. I mean, do what ever you want. I mean, Biden, you say the whole thing's baked in. I mean, it's gotten so baked in, people think he's high. I mean, Booker said it last night. What are you, high? You can't continue to make gaffes at this high of a level over and over and over again.

WILLIAMS: Wait a second, I thought you were a Trump supporter.

WATTERS: Well, I don't think winning the election is a gaffe. But I do think Biden looked embalmed last night. Who told him to squint and stare in a confused --

PERINO: Oh, it did really well in the focus group.

WATTERS: -- over and over and over? And you know what? Listen, I feel sad for the guy. It was not a good night.

PERINO: Okay, there was somebody else didn't have a great day yesterday. Deval Patrick. He was, of course, he was a governor of Massachusetts. He's thinking about putting his hat in the ring. So, here's some b-roll. He was going to have an event last night in Atlanta, Morehouse College. Two people showed up and he had to cancel that event.

COMPAGNO: Greg, do you feel bad?

GUTFELD: I feel bad for the two people.


GUTFELD: They're like, boy, talk about picking the wrong guy. What are they going to do now?

WILLIAMS: Well, I hope you don't talk about me like that.

GUTFELD: They hired a babysitter and everything. You know --


GUTFELD: -- to Juan's point, which is right; there are a lot of times during 2015 and 2016 when I was like criticizing Trump for stuff he was saying, but it was -- people accepted it. They accepted that was part of who he is. I will say the difference. There's a parallel. Biden's gaffes betray a certain wobbliness, frailty. Trump's gaffes were like rude. He's rude, he's arrogant, whatever.

WATTERS: He's punching too hard.

GUTFELD: He's punching too hard. In this, you don't even know if he could lift his arm up. And I think like there was a turning point there, you know, when the crowd is laughing at you and when your peers are laughing at you, that's sad. And that's when you said you like you feel kind of like a little bad.

WATTERS: The crowd was laughing with Trump when he was doing all that stuff.

PERINO: Emily, let's give you the last word.

COMPAGNO: Well, yeah, I think that there is a difference between lucid and lucidity and lack of it and then when you just have no filter, those are the difference in the gaffes. And I also think that, but he may still be surging or trending, leading nationally, but he's having a problem in Iowa and New Hampshire and still raising, like --

PERINO: But he's not raising that much.

COMPAGNO: -- raising money, that's what I'm saying. So, at some point, these details have to catch up with the national polls.

PERINO: It's a strange thing. I feel like last night was kind of a wash for the Democrats. I just think, OK, so last night was just the setup to December's debate, which is right before Christmas? I can't imagine that's going to make a big difference.

WILLIAMS: I think a lot of people won't be there, tell you that. Well, you think that because the criteria --


PERINO: -- gets higher. Well, maybe there will be fewer people on the stage. Alright, coming up, the fastest seven is back, and you don't want to miss what we have in store for you.


COMPAGNO: Welcome back. Time for the fastest seven. First up, we hate to tell you this, but your cell phone is disgusting and covered in germs. One in four Americans say they have never cleaned their phone, which means they can hold more bacteria than an entire household bathroom. I, however, clean my phone all the time. I take a cotton swab and then dip it in antibacterial gel. I clean it all the time, so I don't have --.

GUTFELD: I don't care.


GUTFELD: I don't care because we -- this story -- every year they do something about your phone is dirtier than a toilet seat. My toilet seat is really clean. By the way, you know, the whole idea of bacteria is a myth. Bacteria is great for you. You could eat. You can eat lasagna off your toilet seat. I dare you today to --.


GUTFELD: -- you know, but they keep comparing stuff to toilet seats. It's all a myth.

WATTERS: Well, listen. Greg told me to do something. He said if your phone gets really dirty, just go clear your search history.

GUTFELD: [laughs]

WATTERS: That's what you do, right? That's how to clean it up.


GUTFELD: Did Dana even know?


COMPAGNO: Next topic. Most of us like a good nap. But should we be allowed to do it at work? The government just banned federal workers from catching some "z"s on the job, but experts say it could be a good thing. I feel like, you know, if you're working a couple hours a day and you take a nap, of course, that's not OK.

PERINO: I think that if you had to sit on set --.

WATTERS: Here we go.

PERINO: - - for three days in a row, watching the hearings, that you should be allowed to take a nap. I totally think that's fair.

WILLIAMS: Yeah, I think this is a great idea.

PERINO: Even though I didn't sit there the whole day, but Martha MacCallum did. She should be allowed to have a nap.

COMPAGNO: [laughs]

WILLIAMS: Yeah, I think that's a great idea. No, I mean, how ridiculous. I don't know, why even, I see now they have like rest areas in this office. Right? And I'm thinking for what?

PERINO: Prayer.

COMPAGNO: Well, for federal workers, everything is dictated. If you come in at 3:00, you leave at 7:00 or whatever. So I think part of the issue around that is can you take time away from the allotted work time during the day that we're paying you for to nap, whereas in normal environments, if it's a salary, you can nap.

GUTFELD: There are only three excuses for taking a nap at work. You know, if you're double shifting, you know, you've got time. If you're a mom and a lot of kids and you haven't slept all night, I get it. If you're a young, capable drunk, right? But other than that, no naps.

WILLIAMS: But you know, these new Google Apple workspaces, they don't only have nap rooms, they have places to go play. They have free food because you know what, they want you to keep working.

GUTFELD: Yeah. They don't want you to leave. Also, they have satanic rituals.

COMPAGNO: They want you to gain weight.

WILLIAMS: They want you to gain weight? Where'd you get that?

COMPAGNO: I'm just making it up.

GUTFELD: Google is satanic.

WATTERS: If the Chinese are napping, we can nap. But once the Chinese wake up, we got to get up. We can't nap while the Chinese work. What do we want to be, Great Britain? An old superpower put out to pasture? No.

GUTFELD: It's true. It's the napping that kills everybody.

WATTERS: -- competition.

GUTFELD: It kills culture.

COMPAGNO: OK. Finally, you might not be hearing this live anytime soon.

GUTFELD: God, I hope so.

COMPAGNO: The band Coldplay is refusing to do concerts because of environmental concerns. I think it's great that they are walking or talking the walk, walking.

GUTFELD: No, they're not.


COMPAGNO: They're doing what they say to do.

GUTFELD: That's baloney. Emily, they're doing it because they finally got rich and famous enough to do it. If they were a young band, they would not do this today.

WILLIAMS: What's wrong with that?

GUTFELD: Because it's fake virtue signaling.

WILLIAMS: No, it's not. If you can do it, if you're finally in position to do it, you can make the statement.

GUTFELD: Then stop putting out albums, right?

WILLIAMS: [unintelligible]

GUTFELD: Just do it. Coldplay should just completely retire. Stop playing altogether if you you really mean it.

WILLIAMS: You know what? That's you and me. We're old people if we talk about albums. Most people download music these days.

GUTFELD: Still, it's still CO2 when you're playing music, when you're watching pornography/.

WILLIAMS: [laughs]

GUTFELD: Any time you at any time using broadband, you're putting out CO2.

WATTERS: I miss the old days of rock and roll. People smash guitars. People idle the tour bus for long times doing unspeakable things in there. And they don't care about the weather. They care about their fans. And that's what this --.

GUTFELD: Throwing TVs into swimming pools.

Multiple Speakers: Yes. Yes.

WILLIAMS: Yeah, there we go.

PERINO: Go to concerts. Buy they tickets. Go have fun. Enjoy yourself. But just don't go see Coldplay.

GUTFELD: Yeah. Don't see Coldplay.

WATTERS: Woo, Coldplay boycott.

COMPAGNO: All right you guys, one more thing is up next.


WILLIAMS: Oh, so much fun. It's time for One More Thing. Dana.

PERINO: All right. We talk a lot about polarization, but there are things that we agree on. We agree on the big things. On Capitol Hill yesterday. -- I want to watch to show you this. John Lewis, who is a Democrat from Georgia, paid tribute to retiring Senator Johnny Isaacson who is also from Georgia. This happened last night on the floor.

John Lewis: Thank you, brother. For your service. I will come over and meet you, brother.

PERINO: So I thought that's a nice way to end today, right? We are ending today with a nice little thing there. Johnny Isaacson is retiring at the end of the year. He's had some health problems. I mean, he's had a good friend and John Lewis and Isaacson said that serving the state of Georgia has been the honor of a lifetime.

WATTERS: That's nice.

WILLIAMS: That was really nice. Greg.

GUTFELD: All right. Let's do this. Huh? Yeah. Animals are great. You know, it's true, Dana, we can agree on the big things. There's nothing like a little guy with a lot of wood. That's a tiny French bulldog running down the beach with a massive stick. You know, he doesn't care.

PERINO: He's little.

GUTFELD: He doesn't let his size stop him.

WATTERS: Speak softly.

GUTFELD: Yes. Carry a big stick, as they say. Filthy minds, Emily.

WILLIAMS: All right. A towering timber. Jesse.

WATTERS: Well, I don't have anything about charity or about dogs. But a nice prank video. Watch this.

WATTERS: You turned it pretty quickly. I don't know where it was or who did it, but I like it.

But anyway, they had that Italian music. Wasn't in Italy?

WATTERS: I think you can put that on backward music. There's wonderous things you can do with technology.

WILLIAMS: I guess so. You've got to tell the old timer, you know what I mean? All right. If you visit New York City this holiday season, consider this: Club Wyndham Midtown 45 is bringing the holiday magic to life with a buddy, the elf themed hotel suite. The Elf Suite is inspired by the classic 2003 film Elf, starring Will Ferrell. The Wyndham worked with Warner Brothers to replicate Buddy's most iconic decorations. So the full suite includes hundreds of paper snowflakes, tons of toys to test and play with like an elf, a giant Christmas tree, a Lego replica of the Empire State Building and Buddy's favorite meal. I know Greg likes this one. Spaghetti and marshmallows. The room fits four guests. it costs $399 a night. It's going to be available from December 2nd to December 26. No war on Christmas here, folks. Just fun.

WATTERS: Book it, Johnny. Four people for 300 a night, huh? Yeah, that sounds like fun.

WILLIAMS: You better slow down.

COMPAGNO: Okay. So, you guys, we know that that parts of southern Australia are under fire right now -- on fire. And we have to continue praying for all the creatures there because a lot of this habitat is the koalas. And so, but these dogs had been trained to sniff out and detect the koalas that are there. So, who you're looking at are Bear and Taylor, they are koala detection dogs. They're helping to locate some of the 500 koalas that are in danger. Lots of like really heartbreaking stories out of there. But the rescues are always really uplifting and wonderful. And what is important right now are these dogs that are lending a part to the rescue effort.

GUTFELD: Your Koalas aren't not very friendly. Did you know that?

COMPAGNO: I love them. They are worth it. And the Port Macquarie Koala Hospital is -- oh, my God! That's Luis. I can't stand this video. [laughter] Oh, my God!

WATTERS: It gets saved.


GUTFELD: It gets saved. Nobody -- he gets saved. He gets saved --

COMPAGNO: I can't. I can't.

GUTFELD: He gets saved. They carry him out. I saw that video.

COMPAGNO: Oh. [laughs]

GUTFELD: Relax, Emily.

WILLIAMS: Well, you get money, right?

COMPAGNO: He did get saved. He did get saved. Yes, I did. And now he has a 50-50 chance of survival --

WILLIAMS: All right.

COMPAGNO: But now at least he's eating eucalyptus leaves.

WILLIAMS: Emily, I have to go.

COMPAGNO: Okay. [laughter]

WILLIAMS: And set your DVRs --

GUTFELD: She's having a breakdown.

WILLIAMS: -- [indiscernible] this episode of "The Five." "Special Report," it's up next.

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