This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 16, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City, and this is "The Five."

We are awaiting a decision from Attorney General Jeff Sessions on whether he will fire Deputy FBI Director Andrew McCabe before his retirement on Sunday. It's a decision that will be consequential for McCabe's financial future with his lifetime pension at stake. Will Sessions carry through on the recommendation of the FBI's internal investigation to fire McCabe or overrule it?

The controversy is based on allegations McCabe authorized the disclosure of sensitive information to a reporter about the Clinton Foundation investigation and then lied about it. The White House says it's up to the Justice Department to make the call.


UNINDENTIFIED MALE: Does the president feel that the Justice Department should act by Sunday to fire Andrew McCabe?

SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS, DEPUTY PRESS SECRETARY: That's a determination that we would leave up to Attorney General Sessions. But we do think that it is well documented that he has had some very troubling behavior, and by most accounts, a bad actor and should have some cause for concern, but that would be a determination that DOJ would have to make.


PERINO: Now, Juan, I think something that's gotten a little bit lost in this story as it's developed, because the president has weighed in. They weighed from White House about him. But this recommendation is actually coming from the FBI's Office of Personnel Responsibility. So, in some ways, I think you could probably expect the attorney general to accept the recommendation. Your thoughts?

JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Well, so there's two schools of thought on this. One is Andy McCabe is widely liked within the FBI. Jim Comey, his former boss, said he was a stand-up guy. And what we're really talking about here is something I have a lot of familiarity, which is leaks to reporters.

So, people like McCabe, it's not the case that he leaked the story, but that he was trying to, let's say, shape the story, so it would be beneficial for the FBI and not make the FBI look as if it was incompetent or had done something wrong. And then, when he was asked about it in terms of the investigation by the DOJ inspector general, it's not so much that he lied as he was kind of, you know, fudging, people describe it as not forthcoming, Dana.

And so, that is what has put him at risk here, and what is at risk for is that instead of getting his pension right now, he's going to turn 50 on Sunday, he'd have to wait until he's like 57 and it would be for a smaller amount of money.

But the key point, I think, is that if this is not at all related to the investigation itself. It's not that he was found to have mismanaged, or lied, or been biased in terms of an investigation either for or against Mrs. Clinton. It's that he was leaking something apparently to the Wall Street Journal --

PERINO: Right.

WILLIAMS: -- and then, was not forthcoming.

PERINO: Well, that -- we've talked a lot about leaks in the last couple of years, Kimberly, and how they can be damaging, and we know that people use leaks to their advantage as they try to shape a story. But one of the things that the FBI has been saying is that this is actually about other agents in the field all the way across, that you have to set an example, and just because you make it up to the 7th floor of the FBI doesn't mean you get a pass on something like this.

KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Well, of course, and if they make a determination of wrongdoing then they have to, you know, act on that. But this is well within the purview of the attorney general to make that decision, again, not the president.

So I believe that Jeff Sessions will make an honest and fair determination and will not seek to just have -- seek favor with the president, thinking that this is something that the president wants. So he's got to be, you know, follow the law, and uphold justice here, and make that finding. And I think that he will. And he'll be confident in the decision that he makes.

PERINO: Jesse, take a listen to Jonathan Turley. He said something pretty provocative about McCabe. We have that?


JONATHAN TURLEY, CONSTITUTIONAL LAW ATTORNEY: The real strange thing about all of this is that McCabe, so far, has been worried more about pensions than prison. That's not the choice that was given to Michael Flynn.

Michael Flynn, if you'll recall, was charged with false statements, even though Comey's investigators reportedly believed that Flynn didn't intend to mislead them. That's not apparently the conclusion of the inspector general with regard to McCabe.


PERINO: Jesse, lying is lying.

JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: Well, according to Juan, lying is fudging, and leaking is shaping a story. So, I mean, you can spin it however you want it. He's a liar and a leaker. And the more information we find out about Flynn, the less guilty he looks because now a judge is reviewing the plea. And the more we know about McCabe, the more guilty he looks. I mean, look at the insurance policy conversation between the two love birds, Strzok and Page --


PERINO: Yeah. But that's not what this is about.

WATTERS: I know. But if you look at it all together, it's the lying, it's the leaking. He's cooking up an insurance policy with FBI agents in his office. We want to know more about that. And, he didn't disclose, in a timely fashion, the donations to his wife's campaign from a Clinton connected group.

I think it's a little harsh, to be honest with you, to fire a guy the day before he collects his pension. He's working for the federal government for the American people for two decades. I do find that harsh. At the same time, if you're going to go by the book, and this is something that's recommended, as you said, by the investigators at the inspector general's office, or whoever, the ethics --

PERINO: It's called the Office of Personal Responsibility.

WATTERS: Right. And if they're going to recommend it, I mean, they take this stuff very seriously. So, Sessions has a decision to make and we'll find out shortly.

PERINO: What do you think, Greg?

GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: I don't know. What's the game show where you can pass?

WATTERS: You can pass now --

GUTFELD: I'm thinking about -- this is such -- this is a story about a decision about a guy at the FBI. I think, number one, I guess we should be happy that this is our A block because that means nothing really bad happened today. There was no accident, nobody got hurt.

The fact that we're doing this story is because there isn't anything really bad happening today. So here we are. I am interested in the Office of Personal Responsibility. If we had that here, I would no longer tweet and drink.


GUTFELD: Because, like, imagine having that -- I guess in the old days --

PERINO: Or drink.

GUTFELD: Yeah, or drink --

PERINO: Tweet or drink.

GUTFELD: But I guess in the old days you call that your conscience. But now, we had to have an Office of Personal Responsibility. You know what's 2018 is -- I've used this metaphor before because I've nothing to say about this -- it's like a music festival, you know, like Coachella has five stages. Well, 2018 has like three stages, right? There's the main stage --

GUILFOYLE: There we go.

GUTFELD: -- which is -- the stuff -- the headliner, right? That's foreign policy and the economy. And at that main stage, the band is doing pretty great, let's like -- say it's like Slayer, and they're just killing it.

Then you have the middle stage, which is like the medium size act. That's all the stuff about, I don't know, staffing changes, chaos. That's at the medium stage. People aren't that interested in it. They really aren't.

And then there's the small stage. That's the band you never heard of. Nobody is hanging around there. They're just like walking around. That's this.

WATTERS: McCabe is on the small stage.

GUTFELD: McCabe is the small stage.

PERINO: Is that Maroon 5?


PERINO: Maroon 5.

GUTFELD: That's Maroon 5. Thank you very much. McCabe is Maroon 5.

WILLIAMS: Wait, I thought on space cadets you said there was going to be no Maroon 5.

GUTFELD: Well, that's in space, unless we shoot them into space.

PERINO: This story makes us want to go to space.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

PERINO: But there's another angle to the story, unless you have more to say.

GUTFELD: I agree -- I agree with Jesse that it is -- I think it's kind of hard -- it's kind of harsh to fire somebody right before their pension. It's like your dad promising you a new car when you turn 16, but it's actually the family station wagon.

GUILFOYLE: That happens a lot.

PERINO: Well, also -- we don't know what he had -- he was going to the FBI, I think yesterday, or maybe even today, to -- I guess make his case --

WILLIAMS: No. He went to see the deputy attorney general, Rod Rosenstein.

PERINO: Yeah. No, Scott School was the other guy that he saw --


PERINO: So, we don't know what he said in his defense. And so, we'll go on to another topic, which is yet another call for a second special counsel.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

PERINO: Here we have some senators talking about it.


LINDSEY GRAHAM, U.S. SENATOR: And I come away believing that it was shoddily done, that there were conflicts of interests, that there was political bias that may have resulted in giving Clinton a pass.

The Steele dossier was paid for by the Democratic Party, the Fusion GPS. Mr. Steele had associates in Russia that could have easily compromised him. And we believe the FISA warrant process was abused. And the reason we want a special counsel is I think crimes may have been committed.


PERINO: So, Kimberly, we had the sequencing, right? There was the run up that there might be a call for a special counsel. We did that for a week. But last week it was two House members made a call for a second special counsel, and now the senators have come forward with a letter and interviews like sequencing it so that we build up to the pressure of getting the attorney general to announce a second special counsel.

GUILFOYLE: Yeah, the special counsel sauce.


GUILFOYLE: It's almost going to boil. It's bubbling up to the top. No, I think this looks like this is going somewhere, again. So that's going to be amazing. Coming to an A block near you.


GUILFOYLE: Hosted by "The Five."

PERINO: All right. You know what, we have so much other good stuff to get to --



PERINO: Remember that serial illegal immigrant charged of murdering Kate Steinle in California? Well, he's now saying new charges brought against him are politically motivated. We'll talk about that, next.


WILLIAMS: The illegal immigrant who became the center of the sanctuary city debate has just re-emerged with a complaint this time against the federal government. Jose Inez Garcia Zarate was acquitted last year of murdering Kate Steinle in San Francisco. The jury concluding that he shot her accidently. It was a stunning verdict to some.

Now, Zarate's attorneys are accusing U.S. government of acting, quote, "with vindictive prosecution," end quote, after getting hit with a second set of charges.

They're arguing, quote, "this case was highly publicized both locally and nationally almost immediately after the death of Ms. Steinle, then presidential candidate Donald Trump began to use Mr. Garcia Zarate as the symbol of the dangerous illegal immigrant constitute and the need for a wall between the United States and Mexico," end quote.

What do you make of this, Kimberly?

GUILFOYLE: Yeah. I know the attorney who's bringing this forward, J. Tony Serra, from being a prosecutor in San Francisco, having cases there against him. He's a very principled guy. He's really a true believer beyond. So this is exactly -- this is his gem. He likes to do cases like this. He's like, yes.

So, I'm not surprised that he's bringing it. This is the type of stuff that he likes to take on, this novel. He's using, like, vindictive prosecution in trying to bring in President Trump. I've seen a lot of that lately, when they try to bring in the president and say, oh, the president has, you know, polluted this atmosphere and the environment and made it unfair to get a fair trial because of the comments that he has made or his activity on Twitter, et cetera.

So they have used the power of the president's rhetorical, you know, persuasion as an argument to say that it has deprived somebody of, you know, a fair trial or, in this case, saying there's vindictive prosecution going forward. I don't think that it will prevail, but thank you for the question.


WILLIAMS: You're welcome, your honor. Jesse, what do you make of it?

WATTERS: I mean, Kimberly is probably right. He's an excellent attorney and he got this guy off, which I thought was a slam dunk case. The prosecution did a terrible job. They overcharged. They should have gone with the manslaughter instead of the murder one. But it's a show boat type of deal.

I mean, this is a Hail Mary, it's not going to work. Remember when they held the press conference after the acquittal and they started blaming President Trump and started to nationalize the story. This is just a local story. The guy should have been locked up.

And now, call it vindictive or not, he broke federal law. You cannot be in the possession of a firearm if you're an illegal immigrant. That's a 10 year mandatory. That's what they're trying to hit him with. And good, I hope they -- I hope he's punished. He deserves to be punished. The guy was -- I think it was a meth head. He'd been in across the border five or six times, convicted of multiple felonies.

And whether it was an accidental shooting or it was a purposeful shooting, he cost Kate Steinle her life and he should pay the price for it. And it's just sad to see the whole thing trivialized in the court like that.

WILLIAMS: So, Dana, the point that I thought would interest you is that the lawyers are, in fact, citing President Trump's comments during the campaign and his tweets as the basis for saying that the president is the one who nationalized this case and made Zarate into a subject of derision.

PERINO: Oh, I would also say, you know, he wasn't the first to politicize and nationalize it. I mean, there was a lot of publicity about this case. And we know where that all started and for good reason because it was outrageous that she lost her life and that the family is going to have to spend their life missing her, and being so heartbroken about it. So, he was acquitted the first time. In some ways, I feel like they should just be thankful for that. And I guess we'll see what happens in this next case.

The -- they've tried to use President Trump's tweets before like in the travel ban case, and it wasn't successful because they said it wasn't material to the things. So I don't know what will happen in this case. I doubt it will be something you can specifically pin on President Trump because everyone was talking about it and it didn't start with Trump.

WILLIAMS: So what do you predict, Greg?

GUTFELD: I'm not in the business of predicting, Juan, only on pontificating. And I will say this was a political proper ploy, so what. That's been the liberal strategy with every crisis, never left a scandal or crisis go to waste. They always know where to find a poster boy and run with it.

And this guy was a symbol of what Donald Trump was talking about, which is that a system that does not follow the law allows for the pain and suffering of lawful citizens. And, you know, this -- it illustrated it to such a degree that I think it actually -- it helped elect him. I really think this helped elect him.

But the bigger point is -- there're four things that have happened in the last couple of years that kind of all have something in common. There's this case, there's Parkland. There was a killing in Boston where a mad man had stabbed a woman to death in a library. That was a couple weeks ago. There was a teenager that just murdered his friend at a slumber party after preaching to ISIS.

All these things have in common are that they -- people knew about them beforehand. They were known as dangerous or problems by law enforcement, meaning all four of these horrible things, including this guy, could have been prevented if people had followed the law.

If they had followed the law, this guy wouldn't have been in San Francisco, even if it was an accident and he was shooting at the ground and the bullet ricocheted. Yeah, he didn't mean to kill her. But he never would have been there if they followed the law. Donald Trump was elected because he was talking about a return to law. That's why this was such a symbol and why it worked.

WILLIAMS: You know, don't you think it was about immigration and -- I mean, what President Trump did, I think quite effectively, was make him into the symbol of the idea that, boy, there're a lot of illegal immigrants who are criminals.

GUTFELD: Well, yeah --


GUTFELD: -- illegal immigrant is a criminal.


WILLIAMS: Well, yeah, but that's -- but I think he was trying to say writ large.

GUTFELD: That's -- I don't think he was saying writ large. I think he was saying, bad guys goes, good guys stay. That's the way I read it anyway.

WATTERS: Bad hombres, remember?


WILLIAMS: Oh, how can I forget?

GUTFELD: I'm not a mind reader, Juan. I leave it to the liberals.

WILLIAMS: OK. So that's up to me. Here's to mind reading. Are Democrats preparing to oust Nancy Pelosi if they take back the house in November? Should they? That's next on "The Five."


GUILFOYLE: Nancy Pelosi adding another gem to the list of her greatest hits.


NANCY PELOSI, HOUSE MINORITY LEADER: I think the border -- did you see it? How high it is? And the rest of the president say the wall? I mean, really? In a civilized society we'll do something like that as obnoxious as it is? You know, that's a community there with a border running through it.

OK let's -- we have a difference of opinion on that. But a wall that big separating people? I mean, really? I guess, maybe, I've seen too many walls. Like I saw the wall in Northern Ireland years ago before the agreement and it was strange to see. And that was like a tin fence. This is a big wall.


GUILFOYLE: Last month, she proposed shorter grass would help curve illegal immigration. Now, she's advocating for a shorter wall because a tall one is too uncivilized. The House minority leader is rejection suggestion she's complicating her party's bid to win back Congress. But there are reports Democrats are considering ditching her in the fall, wise idea, wise guy?

GUTFELD: She's accepting the wall. That's the story. She realizes this is going to happen. The best thing about a wall it's the physical embodiment of a plan of action, right? Build a wall. The left sanctuary is not a thing, therefore, there's nothing you can do with sanctuaries.

You can say, hey, let's let everyone in, but that's not a plan. It's a perfect -- this is such a perfect symbolic contrast of parties. You know, the Republican Party is a plan. Democrats are half a plan. So, step one, let everybody in. Step two, see step one. But Republicans, like, build step one. Build a wall, then let's let people in. That's a plan. It's a-- this is such a great comparison.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh. All right. What do you think of this?

PERINO: Well, I think she's a great leader for her party because she's able to do that --

GUTFELD: Diplomatic.

PERINO: -- right? And she's also -- she says -- basically, she's going to let her members be for what's going to happen. The president is going to get security funding in the omnibus bill in the next month, and it will include funding for what he will call a wall. Whatever that thing is going to be, he will call it a wall and she knows that. She's a good vote counter. Probably the best vote counter in her generation by far.

And also, she's letting the Democrats take a vote so that they don't end up having to be targeted for not voting for it when it comes down to the midterms. And then she's allowing these members to, on her side, to vote against her, to run as against her. Say she's terrible. And she stands up there and is like, I'm good, no problem, because you know what, because she wants to win.


PERINO: So I admire her for her tactics and her strategy.

GUILFOYLE: She always wants to win and she's been, like, very fierce advocate on behalf of the party and, you know, formidable fundraiser. She knows how to get the cha-ching.

WATTERS: That's right. That's why she's so influential in her caucus because she makes it rain and she rules with an iron fist, and people are scared. You know she's a very powerful woman. People don't want to cross the woman. And she's -- why are you laughing? And, I mean, she's very effective. She's got the caucus in line. And she does a good job, as you said. And Greg made a great point, now we've gone from no wall to half a wall.


WATTERS: But Pelosi really wants a bridge. I mean, let's be honest. She wants them to pour over and register to vote Democrat. That's the real goal. She's so toxic, though, nationally. I think her approval is something like 19 percent, 15 percent favorability.

If you look at Conor Lamb, he ran against Nancy Pelosi and he did very well in a district that Trump won. And a lot of these competitive districts, these purple districts, or the swing districts, she is not going to be invited. She's not going to be mentioned by the Democrats. And all the Republicans have to do is put a big picture of her face and do the crumbs line, or do the lawn mower line, or do the little wall thing.

She's a gachaholic (ph) and she's the gift that keeps on giving. Eventually, the Democrats are going to realize that she's so toxic nationally that they're going to have to surmount some sort of insurrection and there's going to be blood all over the place and it's going to be fun to watch.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my gosh, sounds like a horror movie. OK, Juanito?

WILLIAMS: Well, I mean, I just -- you know, I echo so much of what Dana said. I mean, the reality is, I think they've had three challenges to her leadership in the 15 years that she's been the top Democrat in the house. Nobody's beaten her.


WILLIAMS: And I think that's her very real reason that Jesse pointed out. She's a great fundraiser for Democrats. So she has a lot of favors and debts in her pocket.

The second thing to say is, "Oh, Republicans, my goodness, wouldn't it be awful if you lost Nancy Pelosi?" That would be for the Democrats. They say, "Oh, we can just stole (ph) her away." That's an easy target for the Republicans gun. But, in fact -- well, then they'd have to just demonize the next person who had that spot --

GUTFELD: Get on with Trump, Juan.

WILLIAMS: No, not at all. And then the -- the other point to be made here, and I think it's a really important one is, when you stop and think about Nancy Pelosi going forward and you heard Jesse say, oh, she's so unpopular, it's just terrible. They'll never help her -- help the Democrats in a swing district. Hmmm, what's Paul Ryan's rating? Oh, it's the same. What about Mitch McConnell? Dana Perino, is Mitch McConnell have a higher or lower approval rating than Nancy Pelosi?

PERINO: No, really, all the -- the Democrats do run ads against Paul Ryan. But don't put it past her to do something very interesting. I think it's possible. I'm not making a prediction. I'm just saying it is possible, and I think she would be willing to do it.

Come July, if it looks like they're -- that she's really a big weight around the Democrats' ankles and they can't finish the race with her, I think that you would -- I would not be surprised if she made an announcement around July recess in which she said, "If we win, I will not be -- I will not run for speaker again." And then basically clear the way for them.

WATTERS: Stay in there, Nancy.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, hang in there.

WATTERS: Hang in.

WILLIAMS: We want Mitch McConnell to stay in there. Go -- come on, Mitch!

GUILFOYLE: OK, good. You go, cheerleaders on "The Five." "The Fastest Seven" coming your way next. Stay with us.


WATTERS: Welcome back. Time for --


GRAPHIC: Fastest 7


WATTERS: -- "The Fastest Seven Minutes on Television." Three stories, seven minutes, let's go.

First up. Once upon a time social media sites like Facebook were all the rage.


JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, ACTOR AND SINGER: The Facebook is cool. That's what it's got going for it. You don't want to ruin it with ads, because ads aren't cool.


TIMBERLAKE: It's like you're throwing the greatest party on campus and someone is saying it's got to be over by 11. You don't even know what the thing is yet. How big it can get. How far it can go. This is no time to let your chips down. A million dollars isn't cool. Do you know what's cool?


TIMBERLAKE: A billion dollars.


WATTERS: Now the newest craze for millennials is apparently to cleanse themselves from social media. More than half of users between 18 and 24 revealed in a recent survey they're seeking relief from networks like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, because it's wasting their time and makes them think negatively.

Kimberly --


WATTERS: -- do you ever take a break from social media? You probably feel better, right?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, yes.

GUTFELD: She's not even on social media.

WATTERS: She's always retweeting what I say.

WILLIAMS: All right.

GUILFOYLE: Who's doing that? Sean or Quinette.

WATTERS: Shadow account.

GUILFOYLE: Shadow account, yes. Yes, I mean, I'm not that into it, per se. I mean, I like to see some of the cute pictures. Dana has got nice Instagram with the doggy.

WATTERS: She does.

GUILFOYLE: I like that to support people. And say, can you like my pictures or whatever. But you know, people like to feel close to you and take a look at your things like that. And my Twitter and whatnot. But I can totally do without that.

WATTERS: What about you, Juan?

WILLIAMS: I have no need for it in my life.

WATTERS: Well, good. There's a lot of hate out there for you.

PERINO: OK, but we're, like, not 18- to 24-year-olds.

WATTERS: I know. That's true.

PERINO: I think the key -- I think what's interesting here is what will happen going forward. So if -- I always wondered if there would be a backlash, and it might be -- I thought it would be older people would walk away from it. But instead it looks like it's the younger generation. They have other things that they'll figure out ways to communicate. But it is interesting that maybe we can learn something from them, that it's OK to walk away.

WATTERS: Because Greg, when these young kids, they look on it, there's all these hot vacations people are going to. Everybody looks really good. And then you feel bad that you're not out there.


GUTFELD: Yes. There's a lot of Instagram envy going around.

But you know what? There's two points to make here. It's smart if you want to have a career or a future because Twitter and -- they're the bathroom -- they're the bathroom wall of planet earth. And everything bad that you do sticks to it.

PERINO: Permanent ink.

GUTFELD: It's permanent ink. It's there forever. So if you want to get a job and then the guy finds out that what you were doing at that whatever, without your clothes on, it's over.

But, the question is what are you going to replace it with? We're saying, "Oh, this is good." But what if they replace it with something worse? Because, with technology, it always speeds up, and it gets smaller and it's gets a little bit more dangerous.

WILLIAMS: Maybe they'll call you, Greg.

PERINO: -- you're talking about?


WILLIAMS: I think a phone call will work.

WATTERS: Yes. What's a phone?

WILLIAMS: We'll work on that. We'll work on that.

WATTERS: Next up, three words: gym, tan, laundry. GTL. Hit it.


GRAPHIC: Get ready.

For the vacation.

Of a lifetime.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, yes. Let's go.



UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Going harder than we've ever gone before.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Reverse the situation.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dude, prison is no joke. It's scary. He is literally not going to survive.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Let the fist pumping begin.



GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

WATTERS: It's coming back the trailer for "The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation" just dropped, and it looks like we're in for another hot mess.

A lot has changed in the past 10 years. Half the group is married with kids, and The Situation may actually be heading to prison. Right.

I think my hair kind of looks like Vinnie. What do you think?

GUTFELD: You know, you are very, very close to their target demo, Jesse, I have to tell you. I mean, you could walk -- you should do a cameo.

By the way, I don't need to see these people ever again in my life.


GUTFELD: I mean, and who watches MTV? People under house arrest or kids with no hobbies. Because I'm telling you.

PERINO: You think Manafort is watching?

GUTFELD: Perhaps.

WATTERS: He can share a cell with The Situation.

GUTFELD: This is something -- file this under something you don't need.

WATTERS: Have you ever seen an episode of "The Jersey Shore"?

PERINO: I have not.

WATTERS: And you live on the Jersey shore.

PERINO: Yes. This is not Bay Head.

WATTERS: Snob. I love that place. It's beautiful.

PERINO: Very quiet and peaceful.

WATTERS: That's right. It's a family spot.

GUTFELD: What's the address?

WILLIAMS: I want to -- I want to pick up on Greg's comment to you.


WILLIAMS: Explain the attraction of watching people at their lowest act in a way that is so unappealing?

WATTERS: Well, that's why we watch you on "The Five."





WILLIAMS: But I'm saying seriously, Jesse, why do -- why do you watch that?

WATTERS: Are you saying that I'm a fan?

WILLIAMS: I don't know. But I'm saying, in fact I think --

WATTERS: Because I am.

WILLIAMS: I think -- oh, you are a fan?

WATTERS: I've seen a few episodes, like season one through four.

WILLIAMS: Well, you know -- but you're not going to tell me why you're watching?

WATTERS: It's my guilty pleasure. I have a lot of them. Kimberly.

GUILFOYLE: Yes, I have no bit for this.

WATTERS: Nothing?

GUILFOYLE: No. I mean, I like the tans, kind of. I've had a few extreme tanning situations. But other than that --


GUILFOYLE: Yes, totally.

WATTERS: And that tan's real. Those were not --

GUILFOYLE: Tan mom pictures, yes. Yes, I don't know. I'm just not into it. I like your enthusiasm for it, though. So it's a little bit infectious.

WATTERS: I'm just doing that for effect.

All right, finally today, St. Patrick's Day Eve. President Trump welcomed Ireland's prime minister to the White House ahead of the holiday.


DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: More than 30 million Americans, over 10 percent of this country -- think of it -- trace their ancestry back to Ireland. 30 million Americans. That's why you have so many politicians. Even if -- even if they didn't like you, they'd say that. Too many, right? But they do love the Irish.


GUTFELD: Shamrock Shake.


WATTERS: Kimberly.


WATTERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day Eve.

GUILFOYLE: Happy St. Patrick's Day. Yes, yes, yes.

WATTERS: Are you going to have one of these Shamrock Shakes?

GUILFOYLE: Yes, but I've been already drinking it. It's quite delicious, but also sweet.

WATTERS: Cheers. Here we go.

PERINO: I'm going with the shamrock cookies.

GUILFOYLE: You all never do these. Why?

WATTERS: I think this is -- what is this, soda bread?

GUILFOYLE: Like Irish soda bread, yes.

WATTERS: Juan, how are you celebrating your Irish roots?

WILLIAMS: I guess I could, but I don't. I wear green. But I see that one of the things people do is food. And so I'm impressed that Kimberly has been able to get us green-colored food. The only thing I've seen like this is the river in Chicago. You know, when they turn the river green?

WILLIAMS: Yes, that's right.

WILLIAMS: But do you know where the biggest parade is for the -- for St.
Patrick's Day?

WATTERS: Where is that?

WILLIAMS: Not in Dublin.

WATTERS: It's here.

WILLIAMS: Yes, in New York City.

WATTERS: It's here. And Greg will be marching tomorrow.

GUTFELD: I -- as you know, I hate all parades. I'm an equal opportunity parade hater.

WATTERS: Even the gay pride parade?

GUTFELD: I hate them all. I hate all parades, because being a short person, parades are offensive. Unless somebody lets me up on their shoulder --

GUILFOYLE: Why don't you ride on the float?

GUTFELD: -- I can't see it. They need to have a parade for people my height so people my height can see the parade, OK? There you go. No more parades until short people have parades.

GUILFOYLE: Greg, why don't I bring you on the Puerto Rican Day Parade on the float with me?

GUTFELD: Oh, I'll go on the float with you. That would be hilarious.

GUILFOYLE: Would that be hilarious?

GUTFELD: Yes, that would be great.

WATTERS: That would be a sight to see. And Greg could then see.

GUTFELD: Yes, I could finally see!

WATTERS: "Facebook Friday" when "The Five" returns.



GUTFELD: Overrated. "Facebook Friday," your questions answered now. First question from John V.: "In honor of St. Patrick's Day, if you found a pot of gold and hit the jackpot, what would you use it for?" Jesse.

WATTERS: I would park it offshore at the Caymans so the IRS could never find it.


GUILFOYLE: Now they know where to look.

WATTERS: Now they know.

GUTFELD: All right. Kimberly.

GUILFOYLE: A pot of gold?

WATTERS: Yes, what would you do.

GUILFOYLE: Well, if I found it, it likely -- it probably would belong to someone, so I'd try to find the owner.

WATTERS: What a do-gooder.



GUTFELD: That makes me sick to my stomach. Juan.

WILLIAMS: You know, this is interesting. That was -- there was a story in the paper yesterday about an airplane taking off -- I think it was in Eastern Europe, maybe Afghanistan, even. The door was open and gold and silver --


WILLIAMS: You saw that?

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

WILLIAMS: And they had to, like, close it off, because people were just going to, you know, have a gold rush.

So if it was a real gold rush -- but I guess this is sort of imaginary. But if it happened, of course, you'd want to take care of your family and stuff like that. But once you go beyond that, I'm thinking, like, if you were like the founder of Microsoft, right?


WILLIAMS: And you had all this money, so he goes off and he takes on malaria.

GUTFELD: Where are you going?

GUILFOYLE: I don't know, but you lost control.

WATTERS: Anything else you want to say?

WILLIAMS: Well, I was just thinking. Because it really is interesting.


WILLIAMS: I think I would open more schools. I'd open schools.

GUTFELD: There you go.

GUILFOYLE: You would harden soft targets?

PERINO: William Devane.

GUTFELD: I was going to go --

PERINO: Do it.

GUTFELD: "What's in your safe?"

GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.

GUTFELD: Buy silver.

GUILFOYLE: I love him.

PERINO: I would love to -- I would love to find a pot of money. My great- grandparents' original homestead in Wyoming is for sale. And I'd love to be able to buy it back.

GUILFOYLE: Oh, wow. How much?

PERINO: A lot.


GUTFELD: If I got a pot of gold, the first thing I -- the last thing you'd see is me leaving this studio. You'd never see me again.


GUTFELD: You would never see me again. You won't even know where I am.

GUILFOYLE: What would you do?

GUTFELD: I have no idea. I'll find an island. And the things I'll do on that island we won't even talk about. Probably just a lot of baking, because I like to bake.

Wendy C. asks, "Is there a book idea that you would like to write but wouldn't dare do it?" Kimberly.


GUTFELD: Come on.

GUILFOYLE: I mean I can write a hell of a book, thanks to my 751-page diary.

GUTFELD: Do you keep a diary? Wow.

WILLIAMS: Why only 751 pages?

GUILFOYLE: I'll get to 2 tonight.

GUTFELD: All right, Dana.

PERINO: I have this fantasy of writing a book called "Tweets I Never Sent."

GUTFELD: Yes, that's right.

PERINO: And I could collect from other people, too. So it wouldn't just be the ones I didn't -- like the ones that you, like -- the things you're about to say, but then you pull it back and don't do it. So if you collect those, guys, and then maybe we'll do a book one day.

GUTFELD: That would be good. All right, Jesse.

WATTERS: I would write the untold story of Jesse behind Fox News, and it would be probably shot down at the first meeting.

GUTFELD: I think so. I think that's the case.

GUILFOYLE: Wow. You're going to get a mom text for that.

WILLIAMS: You created FOX News? Is that right?

WATTERS: "The Rise of Watters at Fox News." Maybe I will write that.

PERINO: "Rising Watters."

WATTERS: I like that.

GUTFELD: "Rising Watters."

WILLIAMS: I like that. I like that.

WATTERS: "Rising Watters at Fox."

GUTFELD: All right.


GUTFELD: Juan, is there a book you're aching to write but wouldn't dare write it?

WILLIAMS: "Fire and Fury." How about that? See, it's not an original idea.

GUILFOYLE: You write that every day.

WILLIAMS: I could do that, yes.

PERINO: They'll call it "Fury and Fire".

WILLIAMS: "Fury and Fire" and just turn it around, right? No, I don't know. There's so many things.

WATTERS: I've got one: "Killing Gutfeld."

WILLIAMS: No, don't do that.

GUTFELD: That hurts me deeply.

I would like to -- I would write a sequel to "50 Shades."

WATTERS: Didn't they already do that?

GUILFOYLE: Yes. Look at Dana's face.

GUTFELD: Beaten again.

GUILFOYLE: There's like four of them.

GUTFELD: Yes. Maybe I'll do a sequel to "Gone with the Wind." That was a decent book. People don't do sequel books.

WATTERS: I've heard of it.

GUILFOYLE: Are you stalling here? Or what's going on?

GUTFELD: No. Question from Pete C.: "Which job in Space Force would each one of you have?" Dana.

PERINO: Communications. I mean, I'm not going to be the janitor.

GUTFELD: You would be the good person that the aliens meet first. They go, "Oh, they're so cute and tiny."

PERINO: "Could I show you around? Could I show you around the place?"

GUTFELD: "Humans are so tiny."

PERINO: Orientation at Space Force.

GUILFOYLE: Yes. Anyway, I would like -- I'm going to call myself, because the wheels are falling off the bus here. I'd like to be Space Force commander, because I've got my Space Force jumpsuit on today.


GUILFOYLE: I think I would be perfect.

GUTFELD: You would be a great captain. Juan.

GUILFOYLE: I mean, I really would.

GUTFELD: Yes, I think so. I wouldn't get in your way.

GUILFOYLE: I don't need any sleep. And I would just be like, "All right. Who do we have got to shoot at today to defend ourselves?"

GUTFELD: What about you?

WILLIAMS: I'd be in charge of the Office of Professional Ethics.

GUTFELD: Not personal, professional.

PERINO: Yes, not personal.

WILLIAMS: Not personal. I'm in charge of making sure you guys are behaving properly in outer space. Because things could get --

PERINO: You mean there are going to be rules up there?

WILLIAMS: Yes, rules.

PERINO: I'm not going.

WATTERS: Well, if Juan's in outer space, I'm staying here. That means I've won. And but if I were to be in space, something with lasers, anything with the zapping or the pulverizing or the neutralizing.

GUILFOYLE: Well, I'll be supervising anything

WATTERS: You'll be supervising that laser discharge?


WATTERS: All right.

GUTFELD: I'm just -- yes. I will be -- I'm assuming this will be commercial. I would be the ticket agent. That way I'll never get on. And I'll just be down at the -- at Space Mountain where it takes off, and I'll just be taking your stuff.

PERINO: Next. Next.

WATTERS: Do you think they have stubs?

GUTFELD: Yes, they have stubs. They have stubs.

WATTERS: It's not computerized.

GUTFELD: I would not want to be the janitor, because you know, everything is floating.


GUTFELD: So it's not just -- it's just a mess. Space toilets are terrible.

GUILFOYLE: The kids would be measured against you if they can get on the ride or not.

GUTFELD: Space latrine. That hurt, Kimberly.


GUTFELD: All right. "One More Thing" next.


PERINO: It's time now for "One More Thing," or in Greg's case --

GUTFELD: Three. Yes, three.

First a correct. There was a sequel to "Gone with the Wind," according to Twitter. It was called "Scarlett" by Alexandra Ripley. So yes, I was late again.

And also, Office of Professional Responsibility, not personal responsibility.


GUTFELD: And "The Greg Gutfeld Show," tomorrow night, 10 p.m. You know who we have on? Jedediah Bila!


GUTFELD: Jedediah Bila, and (INAUDIBLE). We've got Kat and Tyrus -- Tyrus is out. Chris Fried, great comedian. But that's her first TV thing since she left "The View."

GUILFOYLE: Well, she got married recently.

WATTERS: Exclusive.

GUTFELD: We're going to talk about Joy. All right. Should I just shut up now?

PERINO: No, do it.

GUTFELD: All right. Let's do this.


GRAPHIC: Greg's Chore News


GUTFELD: "Greg's Chore News."

WATTERS: That was a long one.

GUTFELD: That was a long one. I'm sorry.

OK, you know, if you ever have problems with dogs around the house, just get your just normal broom or a brush broom and this is what you can do. They immediately just come to the broom.




GUTFELD: And you can just clean up all of your dogs' messes just with a broom. See? That wasn't really worth it, was it?

WATTERS: We need one of those after the show.


PERINO: All right. Talk about cleanup, Jesse.

WATTERS: OK. Not sure what that means, but "Watters World" this weekend at 8 p.m. We have Mike Rowe, the first time on "Watters World," and an American spy who is in the middle of the whole Mueller investigation. Also, the Party Bros talk about the Space Force that Trump is proposing, and I go to Washington and hang out with Devin Nunes. And another cable exclusive, a woman with an emotional support duck.


WATTERS: Here we go.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I had Daniel before the accident, and Daniel took over -- I want to say that he helped care for me as far as my emotions were concerned. Right?


GUTFELD: How much did that duck cost?

WATTERS: It was a hard-hitting interview. The duck barely survived. And you'll see more of that on Saturday night at 8 p.m.

PERINO: So my "One More Thing" is about I had a date night last night with my husband. We went to "A Bronx Tale," which is a musical here on 48th Street. If you're coming to New York this spring or summer, I have to highly recommend it.


PERINO: A great musical. And let's see -- I think that we have a little bit of it. Do we?

GUTFELD: Oh, I hate musicals.




PERINO: No, I don't hate musicals. I like musicals.

GUTFELD: It's so fake.

PERINO: And there's -- Joe Barbara, who is on -- in the play, and he plays Sonny. That's him there. I think that he might actually like the show.

GUTFELD: Oh, I love "A Bronx Tale."

PERINO: He loves musicals.

GUTFELD: Love "A Bronx Tale." Only musical I will see.

GUILFOYLE: A big fan of "The Five." Saw him recently.

PERINO: So anyway, I recommend it. If you are coming to New York, go see it. It's fun.


GUTFELD: People singing.

GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, thank you so much much. So I had an opportunity the other day to see a film, a series from FX. It's the new series coming out this month called "Trust." And the show delves into the trials and triumphs of one of America's wealthiest and sometimes unhappy and challenged family, the Gettys. And one of the sections, you know, from San Francisco. But it has a little bit of history and a whole lot of drama. Take a look.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I thought you had the money.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: They wouldn't give it to me. Not a cent. But I have something better.




GUILFOYLE: So this is the whole kidnapping, and the ear was cut off of one of the children of John Paul, and they know all the family. So it's kind of fascinating to see it come into place. And here are pictures with Michael Esper, who plays John Paul Getty the second. and with the legendary actor, Donald Sutherland, who plays his father, billionaire J. Paul Getty. And it premieres on FX on March 25. Make sure you take a look.

PERINO: All right. Juan Williams.

WILLIAMS: So March Madness in full force, and the competition doesn't stop on the court. Former President George H.W. Bush and Barack Obama have filled out their bracket selections. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a contest.

Obama the first to tweet he picked Michigan State to win it all. George H.W. Bush said he respectfully differed and picked Texas A&M to get an upset victory and the national championship.

Obama and the senior Bush do agree on three of the Final Four: Virginia, Villanova, and Duke. So have fun with your brackets this weekend, everybody.

PERINO: Indeed and have a great weekend, everyone. "Special Report" is up next.

Content and Programming Copyright 2018 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2018 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.