This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 25, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JUAN WILLIAMS, HOST: Hello everyone, I'm Juan Williams along with Martha MacCallum, Jesse Watters, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City and this is “The Five.”
Merry Christmas to everyone. We're excited to have you join us for our Christmas spectacular. We have tons of yuletide treats in store for you tonight, including answers to your holiday fan mail questions and a festive edition of Jesse's "Supermarket Showdown." Can't wait.
Plus, “The Five's” first ever gingerbread house competition, which one of us built it best, stay tuned to find out. And it wouldn't be a “The Five” Christmas without our annual secret Santa gift exchange. You don't want to miss it.
But first, you've sent us a lot of merry and bright questions on social media, so let's get right to them. This is a Facebook question from Taylor M. "What gift and who is it for are you most excited to give this holiday season?" Miss MacCallum?
MARTHA MACCALLUM, HOST: So it's tickets to something, but I can't tell you what it is because I don't want to give it away.
WILLIAMS: Even at 5:00 on Christmas Day?
MACCALLUM: OK, so you know Rob Lowe has a show.
DANA PERINO, HOST: I didn't know that.
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: What are you getting him?
MACCALLUM: And so I always try to give my husband something that's like an experience that we can do together because we've been married for over -- for 25 years.
GUTFELD: This is the most selfish thing I've ever heard. This is for her husband, tickets to a Rob Lowe show. That's not for him. He's not going to go, "Oh, Martha, thank you. Thank you. I've been wanting to see Rob Lowe in person forever." That is horrible. That is like me buying my wife a bottle of scotch.
MACCALLUM: You know what, this is how right you are, so I wanted some of our friends to come with us, but I didn't text the women. I texted the men and said, "Don't you want to get this for Robin and Jennifer?" Yes, and they were like, "Yes, we are in."
GUTFELD: You are --
MACCALLUM: We are all going to Las Vegas for the weekend to go see it.
PERINO: For the Robe Lowe --
MACCALLUM: You guys, you didn't read the book? You've read everything under the sun. Now, I have stories that I tell my friends, it's such an awesome interesting look ...
JESSE WATTERS, HOST: Oh my god, did you just book-shame Dana?
GUTFELD: Dana, she is shaming you for not reading Rob Lowe's book.
WILLIAMS: That's what I was thinking.
GUTFELD: That is a shame on her.
WILLIAMS: Shame on you, Martha.
MACCALLUM: There are so many people out there who have read that book who know that it is like -- it is really interesting and very well written. He is a smart guy.
PERINO: I will read it by New Year's.
MACCALLUM: And I --
GUTFELD: Is there a chapter on that, you know -- time when he was young.
MACCALLUM: That's in there. That's in there. Absolutely.
GUTFELD: I'm reading that first.
MACCALLUM: It's about growing up in Ohio and growing in Hollywood as a young kid and the people who influenced him.
GUTFELD: This is the best. Is there anything in there about Chad Lowe?
MACCALLUM: Yes, he's mentioned him.
GUTFELD: They don't get along, do they? Chad and Rob?
PERINO: She really read the book.
GUTFELD: I know. It's incredible.
PERINO: I am going to read it by New Year's.
WILLIAMS: I think, I read Spiderman comic books and so I'll go to the movies.
PERINO: Although that might be a good audiobook, right?
MACCALLUM: That's actually how I listened to it because he read it and I listened to it driving around one summer.
WILLIAMS: Okay, Jesse, what gift are you most excited to give this holiday season?
WATTERS: Well, the name Jesse actually means gift in Hebrew, so my presence. Get it, presence. My mere presence itself is a gift, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Indeed. We all feel that way, but seriously --
PERINO: Yes, for real?
WATTERS: Today is Christmas, right?
WATTERS: Okay, so today is Christmas, have I given the gift already?
WATTERS: Okay, the gift has been given, and it went over really well. It was a steak house gift certificate. Yes, and I am going to be joining them.
PERINO: Another gift for yourself.
WILLIAMS: Wait a minute. This reminds me of -- this is like Martha's gift, right? Martha gives a self-interested gift and I think you are going to a steak dinner.
WATTERS: I think Martha and I have more in common than meets the eye.
WILLIAMS: Well, all right, all right.
PERINO: I'm going to gift-shame all of you.
WILLIAMS: Go, Dana, go.
PERINO: Okay, so my niece is 27. She is quite successful. A young cybersecurity person in Washington, D.C. and she is getting to go with us to Kenya for the week between -- well, that New Year's week because my friend has an orphanage there so were going to go and visit the orphanage and then we're going to get a little safari time there.
GUTFELD: You are bringing her along so she does some work for you, is that what you're doing, Dana?
PERINO: Orphanage work? It's not work for me.
GUTFELD: Have someone travel with you. Hey, can you hold my bag?
PERINO: I will carry my own bag. I will carry my own bag, so I am excited to have her with us.
WILLIAMS: I think that's a wonderful gift.
MACCALLUM: That's fantastic.
PERINO: Thank you.
WILLIAMS: That's tremendous. Hey, Greg.
PERINO: I mean, it's not a steak house gift card.
GUTFELD: I don't know, if somebody --
MACCALLUM: And it's not exactly Rob Lowe, but you know ...
GUTFELD: What would happen though if someone gave you a trip? Let's say, I don't want to go to Kenya and it sounds like a lot of work.
WATTER: What is wrong with Kenya?
GUTFELD: No, I am just saying, I would be a jerk.
PERINO: I asked first if she would want to go.
GUTFELD: That -- see there, you have to ask. Because sometimes, you give --
PERINO: But she didn't ask her husband if she wants to go to Las Vegas to see that Rob Lowe event.
GUTFELD: That's just like buying a pet --
MACCALLUM: Believe me, he wants to go to Las Vegas.
GUTFELD: I got a pet for somebody for Christmas and that was the worst experience.
WILLIAMS: What kind is it?
GUTFELD: It was a dog from the pound. She was like, "Get that thing out of here." So I gave it to my sister and then, miraculously, it went to some special farm where it is having fun.
WILLIAMS: Wait, wait, but this was many Christmases ago.
GUTFELD: It was like 20 years ago.
WILLIAMS: Yes, this is before, "Animals ..."
PERINO: Are great.
GUTFELD: Yes, 20 years, yes.
WILLIAMS: Okay, so what do you want to give? What do you want to give?
GUTFELD: That's kind of a foreshadowing of a gift anyway. Obviously, with the gift I gave to my wife which she got this morning, she cried. It was amazing. Anyway. That's all I can get into.
PERINO: A picture of you?
WATTERS: Did she cry a lot, Greg?
GUTFELD: She cried a lot. She cried a lot.
PERINO: She was weeping.
WATTERS: I feel like she wakes up and cries every morning.
MACCALLUM: The worst thing I've ever seen.
GUTFELD: I got her an onion board. So she can slice onions.
WILLIAMS: All right, all right, I'm going to stay with you. Instagram question from @d_bate79. If today you can have any favorite toy from your childhood, Greg Gutfeld, any of your childhood Christmas gifts, what would it be?
GUTFELD: You know, the only thing that popped into my head is a pocket knife. Remember how great pocket knives were. I don't know if kids still get pocket knives?
WATTERS: Swiss Army Knife.
GUTFELD: I had a Swiss Army Knife ...
WATTERS: Or like the blade?
GUTFELD: But I liked the blade that has the wooden ingrained like a station wagon. The wood panel pocket knife. I used to open -- you would whittle. That's what we did because we didn't have cable. We didn't have phones. We had wood. We just would sit on the porch and whittle another knife. We'd make a knife out of a knife and we would take that knife and make another knife.
WILLIAMS: Are you totally --
GUTFELD: I've been on a lot of nog.
WILLIAMS: You don't totally fit in our head here.
GUTFELD: I like knives.
WILLIAMS: I don't think you grew up in the backwoods. Dana?
PERINO: I loved a lot of toys but I'm going to go with Light Bright.
MACCALLUM: I like Light Bright.
PERINO: You know, we could make clothe designs.
GUTFELD: You are a human Light Bright.
PERINO: That is so kind. That is so kind of you.
MACCALLUM: That is very sweet.
WILLIAMS: All right, Jesse?
WATTERS: He-Man. I was a big He-Man fan. So I liked playing with those dolls. Not dolls. Action figures. Figurines? Let's not take that out of context.
WILLIAMS: No, no. By the way, I didn't answer the first question and my answer is I got my son and his wife a peloton, and I am very excited because they really wanted it, and so I was like wow ...
WATTERS: I don't even know what that is.
MACCALLUM: It's an exercise bike.
GUTFELD: So basically you are telling them that they are overweight, Juan.
WILLIAMS: I love mine.
GUTFELD: Juan, you are telling them they are overweight.
WILLIAMS: No, they wanted it, Gregory.
GUTFELD: Yes, sure they do.
WILLIAMS: Let me tell you something, for millennials, this is the hip gift.
GUTFELD: They are not cheap.
WILLIAMS: No, that's right.
MACCALLUM: No, they are not. That was a very nice present.
WILLIAMS: But in terms of the gift that I remember most from childhood, it was a football. And the reason why was it was a real NFL football.
WILLIAMS: I couldn't believe it.
GUTFELD: Made of actual pigskin back in the day.
WILLIAMS: Yes, really. Okay, Martha.
MACCALLUM: The first album I ever got, I loved was a Jackson Five album and I was really, I don't know, seven maybe. And I just -- you know, with albums, you would be so excited. You read -- I read every single word. Every lyric. Everything that was in there. I looked at pictures about 700 times on Christmas Day. It was the beginning of a lifelong love of music and collecting albums and --
WATTERS: What is an album, Martha? Is it like an 8-track?
WILLIAMS: Oh my god.
MACCALLUM: They are back now. We even give it to my son has a turntable and a collection of knives.
GUTFELD: There you go. I would alert the authorities.
WILLIAMS: Not at her house, because this comes to our next question and I'm going to answer at first. It says, this is from Kathryn T., a Facebook question. Which Fox host do you think throws the best Christmas parties? And so my answer is, I would guess it was you.
MACCALLUM: That's me. I have Christmas caroling parties.
GUTFELD: Oh, god.
MACCALLUM: Yes, you would hate it. You would totally hate it.
GUTFELD: Putting it into a party form seem like -- I mean, it's bad enough, strangers at your doorstep but then you turn it into a party? We are going to have Rob Lowe show up.
MACCALLUM: It started with like -- we used to take the kids around the neighborhood and they would all sing and then their parents would come over and we would have a cocktail after everyone went singing and then as they all got older, so we ended up singing at our house.
GUTFELD: It was a front for getting drunk.
MACCALLUM: But I love the idea of showing up at strangers' houses and you just stat singing on their doorstep and then they open the door and it's great. But now -- so then, yes, so now, it's a caroling party and ends with a DJ.
WILLIAMS: It's kind of like a mix between Jehovah's Witness and those Mormon kids who show up at my door.
MACCALLUM: Exactly, but we're singing for you.
WILLIAMS: Oh, okay. All right, Jesse.
WATTERS: I would go with Todd Starnes and here is why, it would be really strictly biblical. There would probably be an actual manger scene. There would be no alcohol. I would be right down to the book.
PERINO: It sounds like fun.
WILLIAMS: Holy smokes.
WATTERS: I mean, no, it would be authentic. Very authentic.
PERINO: I am going to go with Steve Doocey because he has the new cookbook and then when he came here and he brought us the food so that we could have -- that was delicious, so I think he would have a pretty good party.
WILLIAMS: Now, here is the man who I think would throw an outrageous party, but are you going to admit it?
GUTFELD: No, I used to throw parties, but not holiday parties. That's not for me. I would go with Judge Nap, total libertarian.
WATTERS: Anything goes.
GUTFELD: Anything goes. And it's not -- if it is in the constitution, it is happening tonight.
WILLIAMS: So before we started here, Greg was saying that he thinks Christmas should just be every four years, which I think is nuts but my upset about Christmas is January and February. But why don't you want -- why don't you love Christmas?
GUTFELD: I'll tell you why because every year since I've been born, it's become more intense, much like everything in life is becoming more intense whether it is like, your gender reveal parties and with Christmas, it starts earlier, it is way too focused on materialism, I think we should pull back for -- I would say every other year would be a start.
Let people save money. Let people lose weight. It's just better for everybody to have a breather. I just -- as I get older, it becomes more suffocating. It's a suffocating event.
WATTERS: Greg, if you think Christmas is too intense, you must have a hard life.
GUTFELD: I do.
WATTERS: I mean, who gets stressed out about Christmas?
GUTFELD: I do get stressed out by Christmas, thank you very much.
WILLIAMS: Maybe you should focus on the religious part.
GUTFELD: I would be happy with just -- I am okay with the religious part.
WILLIAMS: Oh, okay, all right, all right.
GUTFELD: No problem with that. I am talking about everything else. I am talking about the commercials and the jingles. I know you're telling me to be quiet.
WILLIAMS: All right, so here's our final question for this first segment, it's a Facebook question from Tara P, and it says, "What is your favorite winter holiday treat?" So I am going to start with Jesse.
WATTERS: I like eggnog with some stuff in it. Yes, I do. Big eggnog guy.
WILLIAMS: Pretty cool. Dana?
WATTERS: People think it's revolting, but I disagree.
PERINO: It's kind of new to me, but I do like mulled wine, the hot.
WATTERS: What is mulled wine?
PERINO: Mulled wine -- it's like warm wine with some spices, I think you'll like it.
WATTERS: I would.
GUTFELD: It's quite delicious. I'll go with that. What the lady said.
WILLIAMS: What that lady said.
WILLIAMS: How about this lady?
MACCALLUM: I like bourbon with ginger ale and like a little slice of orange.
WILLIAMS: Wait, you can have that anytime.
MACCALLUM: It's called an orange smash.
WATTERS: Oh, I like that.
MACCALLUM: No, but it's Christmas Eve. It's a really nice Christmas Eve drink. We serve it at my caroling party.
WATTERS: We're not invited.
MACCALLUM: I didn't have the party this year.
WILLIAMS: I am going to go with you, Jesse. Give me five.
WATTERS: There we go. Eggnog.
WILLIAMS: The eggnog is good stuff.
GUTFELD: It's fattening.
WILLIAMS: Oh, stop. Coming up, our amazing secret Santa reveal that you will not want to miss. It's just fun. But first, it is the season for a festive edition of Jesse's "Supermarket Showdown." Stay with us.
WATTERS: Welcome back to "The Five's" Christmas Special. Time now for a festive edition of "Supermarket Showdown." Christmas Edition. Just in time for Santa Claus. We are battling out over the prices of some of our favorite Christmas items. So whoever guesses the closest without going over is the winner. And just to remind the audience, I don't know the answers in advance. All right, first up we have Christmas lights. All right, colorful Christmas lights, your standard box of Christmas lights ...
GUTFELD: What does the standard box have? How many?
WATTERS: Twenty -- 200 mini lights right there.
MACCALLUM: Two hundred mini lights.
WATTERS: So everybody right down the price of the Christmas lights.
GUTFELD: There we go. Christmas lights it is. I am talking nervously.
WATTERS: Everybody hold up the price. Wow. A lot of differences. A lot of differences. The actual retail price. $15.99.
GUTFELD: I think -- did Watters get that?
WILLIAMS: You got it.
WATTERS: Watters gets it. All right.
GUTFELD: At least you are not gloating.
PERINO: Those are nice brand.
MACCALLUM: They are fancier than mine.
WATTERS: All right, I am locked into the lights. All right, the next one, an ugly sweater. And not just any sweater that Greg wears every day. An actual ugly sweater and the purpose is to be ugly.
GUTFELD: Can I lift it up just for the people at home? Take a look at this.
WATTERS: That is what you call an ugly sweater.
GUTFELD: This is what you were to --
PERINO: You would wear that, Greg.
GUTFELD: I would wear it.
WILLIAMS: I guess Rudolph is on the front. I like that.
GUTFELD: There was a price tag. But luckily because my eyes are so bad, I didn't even read it.
WATTERS: Okay, everybody prices up. There we go. Those are the prices. Okay.
PERINO: Oh, we're all like right around --
WATTERS: Right around in there. The ugly sweater cost $34.99. Who had that? Williams.
MACCALLUM: Oh, that's expensive.
GUTFELD: Wait a minute.
GUTFELD: Oh, he beat you by a penny.
WATTERS: All right, Juan.
MACCALLUM: With Price is Right, I always go with like --
WATTERS: All right, next one, Hatchimals Hatcha-Babies. So if you don't have kids, good luck with this one. It is basically something you crack open and then things come out.
WILLIAMS: Like miniatures inside. Its like --
GUTFELD: It's like a Russian dolls. I better not say the wrong thing because I could swear. Anyway, this looks demonic.
WATTERS: All right, everybody, prices up.
GUTFELD: It's so funny. It's a foreign country for me.
WATTERS: All right, Martha and I pretty much in the same zone. Everybody in the same zone. They Hatchimals Hatcha-Baby cost, whoa, $59.99. Juan.
GUTFELD: That's more than a turkey.
PERINO: Juan won again. Juan is a two one over Watters.
PERINO: Juan is the only one going to the store.
WATTERS: Yes, because he has all the grandchildren. He knows how much this stuff costs. All right, the next one, eggnog. Typical eggnog. What is that? A quart? Is it a quart?
GUTFELD: I knew it was a quart.
MACCALLUM: Is it a quart, it's not a pint? A quart is two pints.
MACCALLUM: A quart is two pints. Two quarts is half a gallon.
WATTERS: That is -- is that half a gallon?
MACCALLUM: That's a quart.
WATTERS: That's a quart. I was right the first time. All right, everybody, prices up for the eggnog.
GUTFELD: Oh my goodness.
WATTERS: Eggnog price.
MACCALLUM: Hold on.
WATTERS: Let's go everybody.
GUTFELD: I don't know. I have never had eggnog in my life.
WATTERS: Okay, this is close. Everyone with some really solid guesses. The price of the eggnog. $2.60. Watters with $2.30. Juan and I are on point today. All right, Juan and I are tied going into the final round. You guys have no chance. Now, we have fruitcake, a 26-ounce fruit cake. Do people still even buy fruitcake anymore?
GUTFELD: People only bought to give it to other people they secretly hated.
WATTERS: Yes, and then they re-gift the fruitcake to someone else.
GUTFELD: It lasts forever.
WATTERS: All right, fruitcake, I have no idea what this is. I'm just going to take a wild guess. Everybody, prices up. Martha and I have the same.
GUTFELD: I bet there is a lot of variation with fruitcake.
WATTER: All right, here we go. Whoa, I was way off. $24.99.
PERINO: It must be a really fancy --
WATTERS: Did anybody win? Who won that?
GUTFELD: Mine was three, I lost.
MACCALLUM: We are tied.
WATTERS: Martha and I tied with the highest.
GUTFELD: You know what, I bet this is like a really expensive.
WATTERS: I won with three right. Watters aces the Supermarket Showdown ...
GUTFELD: Would you like to know what is in this?
PERINO: Yes, we would like to know what's in it.
GUTFELD: Okay, you've got pecans, brandy, rum-soaked dried cherries, raisins, candied citrus. Try it on a cheese board or enjoy it as a festive dessert. No, thank you. I bet it's good. I bet you do a good job.
WATTERS: Greg, that is my gift to you on this Christmas.
GUTFELD: You know what, I am taking it home and I'm going to say I purchased it.
WATTERS: Because it has brandy in it, that's why.
WILLIAMS: You know what you could do, you could just throw it.
GUTFELD: It says hit has brandy.
MACCALLUM: We could have a fruitcake throwing contest.
WATTERS: Coming up, our annual secret Santa gift exchange. But first, a competition like you've never seen before. Who on "The Five" will be crowned the gingerbread house building champion? Find out next on our Christmas Special.
MIKE EMANUEL, CORRESPONDENT: I am Mike Emanuel in Washington and these are the top stories making news at this hour. President Trump wishing a merry Christmas to troops stationed around the world. He also addressed the ongoing partial government shutdown. The president says even some Federal workers were standing by his commitment to tougher border security.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Many of those workers have said to me and communicated, "Stay out until you get the funding for the wall." These federal workers want the wall.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
EMANUEL: Meanwhile, an eight-year-old boy from Guatemala has died in government custody after crossing the border illegally. He had been evaluated in a hospital and given antibiotics and a painkiller after showing signs of a cold and a fever. Authorities are already investigating the death of a seven-year-old girl also from Guatemala who died in government custody earlier this month.
Church leaders in Indonesia asking for prayers for the victims of Saturday's tsunami triggered by the eruption of a volcano in the Sunda Strait. The death toll is rising now to more than 420 people and thousands are homeless.
And Pope Francis is urging the world to put aside partisan interests this Christmas to help find a political solution to conflicts in Yemen, Syria, and around the globe. The Holy Father telling thousands gathered in St. Peter's Square the universal message of Christmas is that God is a good father and we are all brothers and sisters. I am Mike Emanuel, a live "Special Report" at the top of the hour. Now back to "The Five"
MACCALLUM: Welcome back everybody to our Christmas Special. Candy cane fences, gumdrop pathways and frosting everything, it does sound like the perfect ingredients for "The Five's" first ever gingerbread house competition. Greg is so excited. Which one of us built the best sweet treat? You be the judge.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Hey, hey, hey you.
GUTFELD: Isn't that great?
UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: Do you know how to do a gingerbread elf?
WILLIAMS: I don't. That's why I got you guys. What do you think, Eli?
ELI: Yes, as long as you have me.
WILLIAMS: As long as I have you, I can do a gingerbread house.
UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: Let's do that.
UNIDENTIFIED CHILD: I put the beads.
WILLIAMS: We have gumdrop lane and we have -- look at these little guys. Here we are. Dessert for Christmas Day from our family to yours. Merry Christmas.
ELI: Merry Christmas.
WATTERS: I don't think this is going to go so well. Martha, I need help with this. You look like you know what you are doing here, can you give me a little tip.
MACCALLUM: You called the wrong person.
WATTERS: You are not good at this?
MACCALLUM: No, but I am so happy to try to help you.
WATTERS: All right, squeeze some of that stuff on there. This is going to be the door. One, two.
MACCALLUM: You did not go to architecture school, I am guessing. That door geos all the way up to the rooftop.
WATTERS: It is for tall people. I can put Gutfeld on my shoulders and still get in the front door. Oh. Put some icing over here. Okay. Okay, you know what? I think it's it.
MACCALLUM: I think it's perfect.
WATTERS: I think it's done. I think we are finished.
PERINO: I chose a dog house, that's the best kind of house unless you are Jesse and Greg. Then the dog house is not fun. The dog house is always good though, of course, I brought my dog friends with me. I've got Spike. You might know from "The Daily Briefing" and then Jasper of course. The old dogs coming to Fox News. Now, this fancy little doodad right here, this old dog kind of looks like Jasper a little bit. Right here. And "S" on this side for Spike. Pretty good, right? It's a dog house.
GUTFELD: You know, I love the Christmas season so I spend a lot of time building my own special gingerbread house and then I threw it away. So here it is. The one that I am doing now. Look what I did. Isn't it beautiful? I just whipped this thing together, just for you in my own time. Oh, jeez. What did I do? Oh, my god. Well, I guess there is no take two.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That's what I learned if you don't want to do it again, ruin the project so they can't do a second take.
PERINO: Is that right, that really happened?
WILLIAMS: No, you did that intentionally.
GUTFELD: No, that was by accident.
MACCALLUM: Oh please.
GUTFELD: Watch your mouth, Martha, this is a family show.
PERINO: Martha, at your house, do you let your children eat the gingerbread house or is it just for show?
MACCALLUM: Yes, well, I love gingerbread houses but I'm not good at making them as we all now know. But yes, we've definitely have made them over the years and then you can break them apart and eat them. If it's a real one.
PERINO: I love gingerbread.
MACCALLUM: I love gingerbread too.
WATTERS: I just like the icing. I would just squeeze the icing right it into my mouth. I like squeezing that thing. What would you call that device that you squeeze?
MACCALLUM: A frosting squeezer.
WATTERS: A frosting squeezer. I love that thing and it's really accurate, too. I feel like Picasso.
GUTFELD: You got in on your suit.
WATTERS: I did. I was a little sloppy.
MACCALLUM: It started squirting out the other side.
GUTFELD: Anyway ...
MACCALLUM: Just in case. I have a real show.
WILLIAMS: What am I doing here with these people?
GUTFELD: By the way, Juan, I noticed, being a Democrat, your gingerbread house had no fence.
WILLIAMS: Look at that. But you know what we had, because my son-in-law is an architect, we had buttressed supports.
MACCALLUM: You definitely win, Juan.
WATTERS: Who is that? Who is that? The one in the red? He is a star.
MACCALLUM: He's adorable.
WATTERS: That kid's got great timing, great voice.
WILLIAMS: And he's a smart guy, too. Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: And he has better hair than Jesse, which is --
WATTERS: Let's not go that far. I was going to say, he should fill in for Juan on "The Five."
GUTFELD: Who was deciding? I guess the audience votes
WILLIAMS: Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: And we'll know by the end of the show. Right, producers?
WATTERS: Yes, on Instagram, right? Go to the Instagram page and vote, who made the best house.
MACCALLUM: I'm voting for Juan.
GUTFELD: We have somebody tabulating it right now.
PERINO: Yes, we'll bring that to you.
GUTFELD: Right now, and we'll have all the answers.
PERINO: We'll always bring it to you.
GUTFELD: And we'll have even some of your comments, too. Right?
WILLIAMS: Greg, if they -- if they pick yours, they're going to have to reconstruct it.
GUTFELD: I know. Isn't that great? That's the best thing.
WILLIAMS: It's like, ruined.
GUTFELD: It was over in 30 seconds.
PERINO: Good job.
MACCALLUM: It's like Christmas gingerbread modern art.
MACCALLUM: OK. Straight ahead. We are answering more of your fan mail questions. Plus, "The Five's" annual secret Santa gift exchange coming up on "The Five" Christmas special.
(MUSIC: THE CRAMPS, "GARBAGEMAN")
GUTFELD: Yes, "The Garbageman." Merry Christmas, everybody. We 'e answering more of your fan-mail questions from social media before we open our gifts.
The first one is -- oh, my goodness. What -- from Khur. Interesting. "What movie, seen by everyone on the planet, have you not seen?"
PERINO: "Die Hard."
GUTFELD: You've not seen -- that's like?
PERINO: No, I can't answer the question.
GUTFELD: That's like never bathing.
PERINO: I know.
GUTFELD: "I've never bathed." You have to -- you will love "Die Hard." It's the best Christmas movie ever, by the way.
PERINO: Well, maybe -- well, let's see. Now, like, it's a unique thing to have not watched it, so I haven't watched it. But maybe I'll watch it this holiday season.
GUTFELD: Didn't specify Christmas movie. Just said what movie?
WATTERS: I've never seen "Love Actually."
GUTFELD: Oh, don't. It's the worst movie ever made.
MACCALLUM: It's a good movie.
PERINO: Now Martha and I are united.
MACCALLUM: It is so not the worst movie ever made.
GUTFELD: It is. It is in the top 100 worst movies.
MACCALLUM: It's a sweet movie, but I don't even like romantic comedies, and I like that movie. So I don't know how you can say. But the one I've never seen is "A Christmas Story."
PERINO: I've never seen that.
GUTFELD: I've never seen that either. Interesting. Juan.
WILLIAMS: I can't think of it, because I didn't see it.
GUTFELD: Good answer. You know what? Never saw "Titanic."
PERINO: You know how it ends, though.
GUTFELD: Never saw "Forrest Gump."
GUTFELD: Never saw "Forrest Gump." I know how -- I refuse to see "Titanic," because I know how it's going to end.
WATTERS: "Titanic" is one of the best movies I've ever seen.
GUTFELD: That says a lot.
WATTERS: Just kidding, Greg.
MACCALLUM: "Forrest Gump" is a good movie.
WATTERS: "Forrest Gump's" excellent.
GUTFELD: But I -- I don't know. I found him, as a character, kind of irritating.
WILLIAMS: Oh, no, I find him really attractive. I like "Forrest Gump." He was kind of --
WATTERS: Leonardo DiCaprio you found attractive, Juan?
WILLIAMS: No, I found -- "Forrest Gump" wasn't Leonardo DiCaprio.
GUTFELD: All right, you guys. You're mushing the movies. You're mushing "Titanic" and "Forrest Gump" and do "Forrest Titanic." Which would be great. A boat crashes into a forest.
PERINO: A forest. And then you run.
GUTFELD: And then you run.
WILLIAMS: I think he was --
WILLIAMS: He was a captain down in Louisiana, shrimp boat.
GUTFELD: Then your ex- ends up the president of the United States, "House of Cards."
PERINO: OK, I like it.
MACCALLUM: There you go.
GUTFELD: What's her name?
PERINO: We can work with that.
MACCALLUM: Robin Wright.
GUTFELD: Robin Wright. Two Wrights.
PERINO: Got to make a wrong.
GUTFELD: There you go. Facebook question from Sheila: "What do you think is the most overused word or phrase today?" I can say it, but I'm going to wait. I'll go to you, Juan. What do you think is the most overused phrase?
WILLIAMS: Overused phrase.
GUTFELD: Yes, just think hard. What is a word that you often hear?
WILLIAMS: Wait a second. Guess what?
GUTFELD: There you go! I believe that you are solely responsible for that phrase spreading like a meme into other shows in other -- have you noticed it?
WILLIAMS: It's a good one. Because it -- I used to say "check it out" all the time.
GUTFELD: Now you say "guess what?"
WILLIAMS: Yes, I say --
GUTFELD: But now you see, we have almost 3 million people a day that watch the show. Then it goes out, and everybody on other networks watch it.
PERINO: Now 9 million people are saying it.
GUTFELD: And that's how --
WILLIAMS: Exponential, yes.
GUTFELD: So I blame you for that.
Martha, what -- what --
MACCALLUM: I don't like "It's all good."
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
MACCALLUM: "All good."
GUTFELD: Hate that. Hate that, too.
MACCALLUM: Ban that in 2019.
MACCALLUM: You already banned it, I'm sure.
GUTFELD: I did. You know what it is? The one is, when you ask somebody - - this is mine -- "How are you doing," what do they always say? "Living the dream." That's like, the new thing of like -- that's like --
GUTFELD: No, a lot of people do. That's the kind of like, "I'm being ironic, but I'm too lazy to think of something clever, so this is living the dream."
MACCALLUM: Bill Hemmer says, "Living the dream" when you ask him.
GUTFELD: But he is.
MACCALLUM: He is living the dream. That's true.
GUTFELD: Whenever you talk to Hemmer, he's living -- he's living something. It's probably a dream.
PERINO: I'm going to say, "No worries." Because you know, especially during this time of year, it's really busy, and people ask if you can do something. You're like, "I'm sorry. I can't do that."
And they'll say, "No worries."
Well, actually I'm not really worried about it.
GUTFELD: Yes. How about, you know, when that's used incorrectly is when you're asking somebody whose job it is to do it, and you say, "Thank you," and they say, "No worries."
PERINO: No worries.
GUTFELD: That's also incorrect, because it shouldn't be a worry. Because that's your job.
WATTERS: I'm getting sick of the word "collusion." It's too much. It's too much.
WATTERS: Stop with that.
WILLIAMS: Wait a second. That's a phrase now?
GUTFELD: It's a word. It says word or phrase.
WATTERS: No collusion, Russian collusion.
MACCALLUM: He's heard enough.
WATTERS: I've heard enough.
MACCALLUM: Course collusion.
WILLIAMS: How about conviction?
GUTFELD: All right. Facebook -- let's keep the politics out of (UNINTELLIGIBLE). All right. Facebook question from Terri C.: "What is the one thing you would grab in an emergency?" Martha.
MACCALLUM: That's very --
GUTFELD: So you're running out of the house or you're running somewhere in an emergency.
MACCALLUM: My dog.
GUTFELD: Your dog.
GUTFELD: So that actually -- that would actually kind of handicap you.
MACCALLUM: After my children, of course.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.
WILLIAMS: I'm glad you said that. I can imagine them saying insecure.
PERINO: It's a thing. A thing.
WILLIAMS: You know, it's not a thing. I think the most valuable things are old pictures.
GUTFELD: You'd grab old pictures?
WILLIAMS: Because now, though, a lot of pictures are up on the cloud.
WILLIAMS: So you have to make sure -- but if there's a really valuable old picture, like your grandparents or something. That's what I would grab.
GUTFELD: yes. Jesse would grab his hair gel.
WATTERS: You stole my joke!
GUTFELD: Every time I look at you, I see that wave of hair.
WATTERS: I'm sorry. I grow it.
GUTFELD: You're like the opening of "Hawaii Five-0" right now.
WATTERS: Living the dream.
PERINO: I would grab my phone.
PERINO: Because everything in your life is on your phone.
WATTERS: What about Jasper?
PERINO: Well, he -- he's not a thing.
WATTERS: Oh, OK.
GUTFELD: You know what's -- I would have to take my passport. Because I - - because without that, I could not do anything.
PERINO: You don't have a driver's license.
GUTFELD: I don't have a driver's license. So I'd have to grab my passport.
WILLIAMS: Wait a minute. You carry your passport everywhere?
GUTFELD: No, only when I have to do important things. Solving crime late at night.
WATTERS: You're a flight risk.
GUTFELD: I've lost almost every major I.D. except for my passport. So I just use a passport wherever I go.
I got yelled at by a police officer for it. Here at FOX. By the way, I signed up for global entry two months ago, OK? Two months ago. They had the police come and interview me. The guy yelled at me for not having an I.D. And I had my passport. And then I never got it. They said, "Congratulations. You have global entry," and then they disappeared.
MACCALLUM: And you never got the card. That happens to some people.
GUTFELD: That happened to me. And then -- then they asked me why I don't have I.D. That's what I don't have I.D.
WILLIAMS: Well, I think it took two days when I got it.
MACCALLUM: Global entry is not going to be your I.D.
GUTFELD: I think it was -- was it TSA that was interviewing me? I can't remember. If you're watching "The Five" and you know the answer to this, email me.
WILLIAMS: Hey, Dana. Dana, why don't you backup your phone?
PERINO: I do backup my phone, but like, if you're living the house in an emergency, what is the one thing you're going to need?
MACCALLUM: Is your phone.
PERINO: I've got my wallet. I've got, like, my whole thing. Your life is on here.
WILLIAMS: Yes, but I'm saying it's backed up. So you -- it's not like you're going to lose it forever.
GUTFELD: All right. I like this question, Instagram question from @Norzf: "Can you dance?"
GUTFELD: No? You answered that very quickly.
PERINO: I mean, I can two-step.
GUTFELD: That's a dance.
PERINO: Is that really dancing?
GUTFELD: Yes, I think in some -- in some cultures, it is.
PERINO: I don't know.
GUTFELD: A two-step.
PERINO: I don't think it's really --
GUTFELD: I know what Jesse is going to say.
WATTERS: I'm pretty fly for a white guy. You didn't think I was going to say that, did you?
GUTFELD: I knew you were going to say "yes," confidently. But I didn't know you were going to quote The Offspring. Right? Isn't that Offspring?
WATTERS: I don't know.
GUTFELD: I believe it is. Pretty -- yes, thank you very much.
WILLIAMS: Well, I mean, I always remember that Bill Kristol was at my daughter's wedding.
WILLIAMS: And he said he'd never seen a black guy dance so badly.
GUTFELD: Oh, wow. So you're saying Bill Kristol's a racist. No, I'm kidding.
WILLIAMS: Get out of here.
GUTFELD: Anyway, Martha.
MACCALLUM: I think I'm a pretty good dancer. My kids seem to disagree. They seem really embarrassed. If I really dance in front of them, they're like, "Oh. Oh, no, no, no. Don't do that." But I think I am a really good dancer.
WILLIAMS: Wait, wait. They think you're too good?
MACCALLUM: They think that I think I'm too good and that that's embarrassing.
PERINO: And she's exuberant.
GUTFELD: Oh, I know, that you're a mom dancer.
MACCALLUM: Yes, exactly.
GUTFELD: That you're a mom dancer.
MACCALLUM: They're like, "Mom, Mom, Mom."
GUTFELD: I'm a great dancer. But more important, I'm a tiny dancer.
MACCALLUM: I love to dance.
GUTFELD: I'm a tiny dancer, America.
Up next, it's the moment you've all been waiting for. Our big secret center reveal when "The Five's" Christmas special returns. Don't miss it.
PERINO: Welcome back. The wait is over. It's time for our secret Santa reveal. It's been a good tradition on "The Five." We've done this every year. It's always fun. We're going to start with Juan. You're going to open your presents, and we're going to find out who your secret Santa was.
WILLIAMS: Well, it says on the box it's from Jesse.
PERINO: Oh, well, we know. Jesse.
WILLIAMS: And Jesse had such a great gift last year. Did you give it to him? That jacket? The Michael Jackson jacket?
PERINO: The Michael Jackson leather jacket.
GUTFELD: It would be great if he regifts it. That's going to be awesome. That would be the best one ever. But you'd never do that, Jesse, because you love that jacket.
WATTERS: I do. I still have it.
WILLIAMS: All right. So here we go. It says --
GUTFELD: Shinesty (ph)?
WILLIAMS: -- "Your life just got way better." Let's see what Jesse did.
WATTERS: I wrapped it myself, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Did you?
GUTFELD: Did this go through security?
WILLIAMS: My gosh. Wait a second. It's pajamas or it's a suit.
WATTERS: It's a snowflake suit.
MACCALLUM: That is awesome, actually.
WILLIAMS: Because I'm so fragile?
GUTFELD: That is awesome. That is fantastic.
WILLIAMS: You like it?
PERINO: I love it.
WILLIAMS: I'm going to have to try it on.
PERINO: That is pretty cool.
WATTERS: I think you'll look sharp in that.
GUTFELD: That is a -- if you don't wear that at a holiday party, you are blowing it.
WILLIAMS: Hey, oops. Oops.
PERINO: Yes, bring an ugly sweater. You will definitely win.
WILLIAMS: It looks like I got some books. Something for dummies.
WILLIAMS: "Economics for Dummies"! Wow.
WATTERS: Something to read over the break.
WILLIAMS: You might want to help me. OK, OK. And then I think I got another book.
GUTFELD: Oh, my gosh.
WILLIAMS: Jesse, you're -- no, Jesse is trying to impress Dana.
WILLIAMS: What is this, Jesse? It's a picture frame.
WILLIAMS: Let's see what's in the picture. Oh, look!
PERINO: A nice one.
WILLIAMS: It's a picture of the family. My grandkids.
GUTFELD: There you go.
WILLIAMS: Thank you, brother.
WATTERS: You're welcome. Merry Christmas.
GUTFELD: All in the right -- it would be great if you did it what in the opposite order. Start nice, and then it just gets worse.
PERINO: Gets worse.
WILLIAMS: Producers, what to do with the wrapping?
PERINO: Jesse -- throw it on the floor. Jesse, it's your turn.
WATTERS: OK, my turn.
PERINO: Now, before you open it -- as you open it, let's just see. We're going to play a little something. Can we play that? Let's play the little thing for Jesse.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Just so you know, while you were doing that, Jesse was getting a facial.
WATTERS: It was a barbecue facial.
PERINO: Was it really a barbecue facial?
GUTFELD: Is that what you're calling it?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: OK, so this was the inspiration.
WATTERS: Oh, no. God, what is this? Ooh!
GUTFELD: That is going to be so calming.
WATTERS: Honey and almond lotion. Bath salts and body lotion.
GUTFELD: You know what you need? Pour a glass of rose. Light some candles.
WATTERS: Watch "Love Actually."
GUTFELD: Yes, on your DVD player.
WILLIAMS: This is so metrosexual.
WATTERS: OK. Yes, I walked right into this one.
PERINO: Well, he's the one who went to Dallas and got a facial.
WATTERS: A barbecue facial!
MACCALLUM: Remember when you said on my show that you liked to wear makeup.
WATTERS: I said that's the least part about being a TV host that I liked.
What is this? This is nice. Oh, a gift for you. "It's time to relax and unwind at the spa on Wall Street. Merry Christmas, Dana Perino."
PERINO: Gift certificate. You can get that little --
WATTERS: Very, very nice. I really appreciate that.
WILLIAMS: Do you get to soak in my money, because it's on Wall Street?
WATTERS: That's right. That's the Trump economy.
WILLIAMS: Yes, that's it.
WATTERS: I'll be bathing in cash. Thank you so much, Dana.
WILLIAMS: Monopoly dollars.
PERINO: I'm going next. It's something kind of big. Whoa. What is this? It's very big. OK, all right here.
WILLIAMS: I like the wrapping on it. It's uneven.
WATTERS: What is that?
MACCALLUM: It's hard to wrap. Loose receipt.
GUTFELD: Who got this for you?
WATTERS: Oh, my gosh.
GUTFELD: Who got this?
MACCALLUM: It's from me.
PERINO: That's right. That's right. I forgot. You said at the thing.
GUTFELD: So what does that do?
MACCALLUM: Dana needs a little --
PERINO: A little booster.
GUTFELD: Do you sit on it or stand on it?
PERINO: You sit on it.
MACCALLUM: Let's see how much taller you are when you sit on it.
PERINO: OK, I will.
WILLIAMS: Is this for -- is this for a car?
MACCALLUM: No, it's for wherever she wants to go.
PERINO: Wherever I go. If I go to a restaurant.
MACCALLUM: Because she doesn't want the tall person in front.
WATTERS: At the theater!
MACCALLUM: There you go. I follow her on Instagram. So you can sit on it.
WILLIAMS: Do you think they'll let her in?
GUTFELD: I've never seen that before.
PERINO: Look, Martha really gets into the spirit.
GUTFELD: What did she give you?
PERINO: This is for theater tickets.
GUTFELD: Tickets to Rob Lowe! Tickets to Rob Lowe!
MACCALLUM: Maybe if Rob Lowe sees this he'll invite us backstage.
PERINO: I think Rob Lowe will.
GUTFELD: Well, he does watch FOX.
PERINO: He does watch FOX, right? And OK, wait. That was -- that was a gift certificate for Broadway tickets, which it's great, because there's a couple shows I want to go see.
PERINO: And then there's one more thing here. This booster seat, I'm taking it.
GUTFELD: Can I move it?
PERINO: Yes, you can move it. What is this? What's this? Oh.
GUTFELD: Oh, how cheap! She's gifting company SWAG.
PERINO: No, she bought this.
MACCALLUM: I bought them.
GUTFELD: It's company SWAG.
MACCALLUM: We didn't have anyone else who was an extra small. I was like, "You know what? I'm going to give this to Dana." Also, it's for Greg. Because Greg, remember, we were, like, anti-fleece.
MACCALLUM: And I said, you know what? We're going to --
PERINO: But for the vest, I will wear this all the time.
GUTFELD: They're just fleecing you.
MACCALLUM: Wear it when you walk Jasper.
PERINO: Thank you so much. And it says, "The Story." A great show.
WATTERS: You know what? There's something I didn't open in my bag. I forgot. It was really buried in there. Let's see what this is? What is this? Is this appropriate? What is this?
GUTFELD: It's for your brows, eyebrows.
PERINO: It's an eyebrow trimmer.
WATTERS: Eyebrow trimmer. Thank you. How did you know?
MACCALLUM: That's a perfect present.
WATTERS: Thank you very much.
GUTFELD: It's interesting, though.
WATTERS: This looks --
GUTFELD: Eyebrows are in. Bushy eyebrows are in.
MACCALLUM: I thought it was in, but you have to -- you have to trim, right?
WATTERS: Are you saying that I need to groom better?
PERINO: No, no. I think you're perfection. And I know you have a new --
WATTERS: Thank you.
WILLIAMS: You know what you could do, Jesse?
PERINO: We're running out of time. Juan.
WILLIAMS: You could stick it up your nose or in your ear.
PERINO: Thank you, Martha.
I'm glad Martha was here this year to be my secret Santa. OK, Greg, you're next.
GUTFELD: All righty. This is heavy. If this isn't booze, I'll be disappointed. It feels like it could be.
MACCALLUM: I really was surprised the other day.
GUTFELD: Be careful how I open it. The producers are actually producing how I open this.
PERINO: And then I forgot until today.
MACCALLUM: I'm afraid you're going to knock your beautiful mug off.
WATTERS: Don't drop it like you dropped the gingerbread house.
GUTFELD: I'm going extra slow. I guess it was something broke -- broke --
GUTFELD: Breakable. Thank you.
GUTFELD: No worries.
MACCALLUM: If it's brokeable, it already happened.
GUTFELD: Yes. Do you have a knife? No?
PERINO: Do you have a pocket knife?
WATTERS: You don't carry around your own chiseled knife?
GUTFELD: Yes. What? Flip it over.
WILLIAMS: There we go.
GUTFELD: What are you talking about? This is --
WATTERS: This is the most dramatic opening of a present ever.
GUTFELD: I need something to open it with.
WILLIAMS: Grab his pen.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
MACCALLUM: There we go.
WILLIAMS: There we go.
GUTFELD: Oh, my God. It's a puppy. And it's got a blue streak on its face from the pen, and it can't breathe. Don't -- whenever you put a puppy in a box, always put holes in it.
PERINO: That's good advice.
GUTFELD: The box.
PERINO: Really good advice.
GUTFELD: Not the puppy. Because that would be stupid. It would be dead puppy. You don't want to give a dead puppy to anybody.
WILLIAMS: No, they have nostrils.
GUTFELD: They do have nostrils.
WATTERS: Now, Greg, be careful. Last time you opened this, the thigh Thighmaster hit you in the face.
GUTFELD: My God, we should play that -- while it takes forever for me to open this stupid thing, you could play the tape from last year.
WATTERS: We should speed this up. The package.
WATTERS: What is that?
GUTFELD: Oh, my God.
WILLIAMS: This is too much.
PERINO: Next time --
GUTFELD: Oh! Books. "We the People" from Juan Williams.
WATTERS: All right.
GUTFELD: "Thurgood Marshall by Juan Williams. Actually, this is pretty cool, because I'll sell these at The Strand.
GUTFELD: "What the Hell Do You Have to Lose?" This is why Trump is going to be reelected. By Juan Williams.
PERINO: By Juan Williams.
WATTERS: Why did you turn your Christmas gift into a plug, Williams?
MACCALLUM: Nicely done.
GUTFELD: "Enough," Juan Williams. I feel that way. You wrote a lot of books.
"Muzzle: The Honest" -- This is an important book. "The Assault on Honest Debate" by Juan Williams. Is that all? NO.
WILLIAMS: No. This is why you couldn't drop it, man.
GUTFELD: I feel something in a jar. I hope it's not a pig's head. Oops. It's a candle.
WILLIAMS: Yes, because when you're reading the book, you could, like, light a candle. You know, you could have a whole --
GUTFELD: That is so nice.
MACCALLUM: So Greg.
WILLIAMS: And also you know what? When you light this candle, you know what you're going to love?
WILLIAMS: The barbecue smell.
WATTERS: Off the grill.
PERINO: Look at the label.
WILLIAMS: Look at the label on this one.
GUTFELD: All right. Can you see this, everybody?
GUTFELD: Sour Grapes Avenatti. This is it.
WILLIAMS: So what I want you to do is you can have some wine. You can have the candle.
WILLIAMS: And you can read a book.
GUTFELD: I would love that. And this will be -- I'll be drinking this.
WILLIAMS: But you see that label, that's your label.
GUTFELD: Yes. The lollipop litigator.
PERINO: I love it. We're running out of time. We've got to get to Martha.
MACCALLUM: I'm going to go fast. OK. Wait, who didn't give yet?
MACCALLUM: Oh, great.
GUTFELD: You're going to be so excited.
MACCALLUM: I bet it's, like --
PERINO: She's very excited.
MACCALLUM: Is it tickets to Rob Lowe?
GUTFELD: Rob's going to get a restraining order.
MACCALLUM: You know what? That's how you know it was a spontaneous answer, because it just was the first thing that came out of my head.
Oh, this is so awesome. Who would ever give a shirt with their face?
WILLIAMS: Hold it up so folks can see this, Martha.
MACCALLUM: Yes. This is going to go over not so well in my neighborhood.
WATTERS: "How to Be Right."
PERINO: Also, this is how Martha tastefully displays her -- on the back.
GUTFELD: Show the face again. It's beautiful.
MACCALLUM: We can get to that. Ooh.
GUTFELD: What could this be?
WILLIAMS: Look at that. Animals Are Great.
PERINO: Animals Are Great.
WILLIAMS: There we go.
GUTFELD: Is it rolling?
WATTERS (singing): Animals are --
MACCALLUM: Wait, volume? Hold on.
WILLIAMS: Is this --
GUTFELD: It's on infinite loop. It will go forever.
MACCALLUM: You know what? There's someone on my list that I haven't gotten something for who's getting this.
GUTFELD: Going to something else. Don't let it hit.
GUTFELD: That's how it hit the volume.
WILLIAMS: I want to borrow this, Martha. You know why? I want -- I want to be Greg. (DRAPES GREG GUTFELD T-SHIRT OVER HIS FACE). Animals are great! Animals are great!
GUTFELD: That might be the best gift you could ever get, if we got it to work.
GUTFELD: Don't bring that home, Martha. There's probably a camera in it. Don't trust Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: There's a camera in it. You're terrible.
You know, that's what a fan should do. Fans should get really good gifts that have cameras in them.
PERINO: Indeed. All right. Stay with us. More of our Christmas special straight ahead.
MACCALLUM: I got this working. Here we go.
WILLIAMS: This is a very serious look you have.
WATTERS: There it is.
PERINO: That is so sharp.
WILLIAMS (WEARING SNOWFLAKE SUIT): I know you love it. I know you love it.
Jesse, Jesse, is this a wonderful give that you gave me?
WATTERS: Merry Christmas, Juan.
WILLIAMS: Thank you, brother.
GUTFELD: It's no "Animals Are Great." This thing plays forever. Do you realize that it plays forever?
PERINO: Martha got it working.
GUTFELD: It will never turn off. And then it goes off. And then it pops back up two seconds later.
PERINO (singing): Animals Are Great.
WILLIAMS: I was going to say, what happens when Martha goes nuts?
WATTERS: Yes, please break that.
PERINO: I have one more gift for everybody.
GUTFELD: You always have to outdo everybody.
PERINO: No, this is because I want you to have it.
WILLIAMS: Oh, look at Jasper.
WATTERS: Jasper vino.
GUTFELD: Of course.
WATTERS: Very good.
PERINO: Jasper wine.
GUTFELD: There you go.
PERINO: Now, Greg, you can't say you're unhappy about that.
MACCALLUM: That's lovely.
WATTERS: Good year, 2018.
WILLIAMS: Greg, what would you do if you had your contest?
WILLIAMS: She couldn't say the name of the wine.
GUTFELD: Nobody knows about that yet.
PERINO: That's 2019.
GUTFELD: Yes. Wait -- well, wait, we did talk about it.
PERINO: We talked about it. They don't know we're going to do it.
GUTFELD: OK. Gotcha.
PERINO: All right, everybody.
WILLIAMS: Thanks for spending some of your holiday with us, folks. We're going to see you back here tomorrow. Yes, indeed. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
PERINO: Good night.
WILLIAMS: Thanks for spending some of your holiday with us. We are going to see you back here tomorrow. Yes indeed. Merry Christmas to all and all a good night.
MACCALLUM: Animals are great.
GUTFELD: Animals are great.
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