Gutfeld: Lefty Mayor Bill de Blasio proves the joke's on us
Why do we continue to elect progressives to run great cities?
This is a rush transcript from "The Five," April 12, 2016. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Hello, I'm Greg Gutfeld with Jedediah Bila, Juan Williams, Eric Bolling, and Melissa Francis -- "The Five."
Watching leftists tell jokes is like watching a rat give birth… in your kitchen.
MELISSA FRANCIS, CO-HOST: Ugh!
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
HILLARY CLINTON, DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: Thanks for the endorsement, Bill. Took you long enough.
(APPLAUSE)
NEW YORK CITY MAYOR BILL DE BLASIO: Sorry, Hillary. I was running on CP Time.
'HAMILTON' ACTOR LESLIE ODOM JR.: That's not -- I don't like jokes like that, Bill. That's not…
CLINTON: Cautious Politician Time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: People think surgery is painful to watch? No, that was painful to watch. That was harder to watch than "Zoolander II." The punch line: Instead of referring to colored people, CP meant cautious politician. The mayor is as funny as rigor mortis. It would have been better if he said corrupt politician, callous putz or cadaverous pothead. His head is shaped like a pot, you know.
But the joke went over as well as the invasion of Libya. Maybe Hillary can blame this on a video, too. But the left reaps what they sow. They create the hypersensitive fish bowl we live in now and when they poop in it, they deserve the wrath from all sides. But I'm sure they thought the joke was fine because the black guy was in on it. But if the Republicans have done this, the left would have called that guy an Uncle Tom.
Yes, the joke was bad, but there's worse. Like New York under de Blasio. Another great city stained by fiendish slashings, homeless hell and graft. It is like de Blasio found an old copy of "Death Wish" and thought, ah, the good old days.
So the joke is not the CP line, it's this mayor and that we continue to elect these progressives to great cities only to see under their rule savagery return in an ugly, bloody, fury. The joke isn't on blacks. It is on all of us. And it is one that never seems to die.
Juan, you're black.
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: Yeah, yeah.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: You unleashed on that one.
GUTFELD: Yeah. I can't stand it. How bad was that joke in your mind? Was it bad?
WILLIAMS: No. In fact, what was interesting today was the number of white people who said to me, what's CP Time?
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: That's so common. You know, what it could be is someone said, my age. That it is a generational thing, that it was much more common before. But gosh, I hear that all the time.
GUTFELD: You do? Still?
WILLIAMS: Because I'm late all the time.
(CROSSTALK)
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: And I'm being 100 percent, I've never heard it before. And I'm trying to figure, is it the C part of it or the part that it is basically saying African-Americans are late? Or is it all of it? It is just offensive across the board?
WILLIAMS: I didn't think it was that. I thought it was an inside joke. It's like people saying manana, you know, if you're in Latin America. It is like oh, yeah, they always come tomorrow. I mean, it is like a funny thing. The only part is if he said colored people.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Is it still that offensive.
WILLIAMS: It's not offensive to me. I just thought it was old-fashioned. And of course, I thought Greg was on target. Look, you have a black actor there. That black guy had been in on a conservative joke, he would have, Greg is honest.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Mayor de Blasio is married to an African-American.
WILLIAMS: What?
BOLLING: Even though he is married to an African-American.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: That's not your get out of jail card.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Right. But it's comedy.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: I'm asking. I don't know. Because a lot of times the things that I said that are offensive by comedians, or if you say that at a table like this.
WILLIAMS: You're apologizing for it.
MELISSA FRANCIS, CO-HOST: I think the problem with it was that it wasn't actually funny. He should be offended as a comedian, not as you know an African-American person. It wasn't funny. It is like racist jokes. It is like joking about rape. It is just not funny. So I don't know why -- I don't know who wrote the joke, I don't know who told them to do it, when they were standing out there, how did they go, this is a great idea. Let's do this.
GUTFELD: That's the thing. I'm wondering Jedediah, how did that get into the script? Why does it bother me more than it bothers Juan? CP is a joke about colored people.
JEDEDIAH BILA, CO-HOST: Yeah. It is hard to offend me. I actually think comedy, good comedy, should offend you. I like when I'm in an audience, when I'm watching a comedy show, and it makes me uncomfortable. I think it makes me of laugh. It is hard to offend me. With that being said, with his delivery, I mean, nothing could be funny but I don't think it is a greatly executed joke. But there should be a different set of standards, I think for comedians. If we were sitting at this table and we were saying something like that, we're not aiming to be funny about it. We would be talking about news. Comedians get on stage and they're supposed to sort of rub you the wrong way, or ruffle you up a little bit.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I disagree. I don't think you're allowed to have kind of immunity bubble because you're a comedian. All of this should have the immunity bubble. If you screw up, you screw up. I don't think that because you're on stage, that allows you to be.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I thought it was, the phrase itself is offensive. I think it is.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Is it the phrase or the innuendo that African-Americans are late all the time? Which one is it?
FRANCIS: It's the same thing.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: So I like comedy that pushes the line.
FRANCIS: Me, too.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: And explodes stereotypes, and plays -- contradicts what you perceive about race or gender politics, sexual politics. I like that. But the problem with this is it wasn't that funny. It was funny in the sense that, guess what, they're willing to push the line on a racial issue. And people like de Blasio, Hillary Clinton, those two would never do it.
GUTFELD: You know what it is? It is because we know they would destroy us. They would destroy us.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Generally, I mean, we talked about the First Amendment. We talked about it, that we should be able to make a joke and laugh about it. We don't mean any harm. But we can't because of the divide. On the left, there's an acceptable norm. On the right, it is completely different.
WILLIAMS: Like a Chris Rock, right? Chris Rock talks about that. So we're having a great time and then certain people, I'm not going to say that word. I don't even say it in my private life. Certain people show up and we're talking about a substandard black of people. And he starts using that N word, right.
GUTFELD: Right.
WILLIAMS: And everybody in the audience is howling with laughter. Because this is among black people, right.
GUTFELD: Right.
WILLIAMS: Now, do you get a get out of jail card for Chris Rock, a black comedian using that word?
GUTFELD: Why is it a get out of jail card?
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: The colored part is now considered racist, right?
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: That's where we have a disconnect right now.
GUTFELD: No, no, no. You have de Blasio explaining the joke, that we have been talking about. Let's have him explain it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DE BLASIO: It was clearly a staged show, it was a scripted show. And the whole idea was to do the counter intuitive and say Cautious Politician Time. Every actor involved including Hillary Clinton and Leslie Odom, Jr. thought it was a joke on a different convention. That was the whole idea of this. I think people are missing the point here.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So it's our fault.
FRANCIS: What is a joke on an another convention? Did you see her face? She was like no.
(CROSSTALK)
BILA: Imagine Ted Cruz had made that joke and then went on television and explained that it way. And imagine the response that he would get. People would be outraged. But because it is de Blasio, they were like oh, OK, he meant no harm. That's the problem, that there is a huge disparity between -- it is acceptable for some people to offend in a certain way and not for others.
FRANCIS: It would be acceptable to me for either of them to do the jokes.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Come on, two days ago, another homeless guy slashed an Israeli tourist. And this is happening a lot. The homeless rate has risen from something like 20,000 from like 15,000 over two years. The city is returning to the year of taxi driver. It really is.
BILA: That's true. In other words, you think that when people make mistakes, people should him accountable for that?
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: He is doing more harm that way, with him and his lousy jokes. That joke really didn't hurt anybody.
FRANCIS: Instead of practicing the joke, maybe he should go and mayor the city is your point.
GUTFELD: Yeah exactly. Maybe show up on time. We talk about this new poll? Race tension is at a 15-year high, high literally. Risen the latter half of the Obama presidency, 35 percent are worried about racial relations. That's up 17 percent from 2014. Juan, who do you think is to blame? Do you think it is partially Obama? Do you think it is partially the media? Do you think it is academia, which in my mind has turned race into a major?
WILLIAMS: Well, you know what you got to do, it is dig into the numbers. Because what was interesting to me is guess who really have seen a jump in terms of their concern about race relations? It is liberals, not conservatives. And guess what, it's white people, not black people. So why do we see the large jump in the last two-year period? And I think it has to do with things like you know, Black Lives Matter, the police and poor black people, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown, and all that kind of stuff. And people are feeling freer I think to speak about it. And then you get a black president who again involved, and sometimes people say he is reckless in terms of what he has to say about it. But I think you have more freedom from black and Latinos, who will say for the first time, you know what, I'm concerned about something like this.
BILA: I think the media plays a big role in terms of what we choose to cover. We cover stories that you know, if there's black on white violence or white on black violence, that gets amplified for some reason. But if you have black on black violence in the city of Chicago, people are shot every day, they are shot everyday within the black community. Within the white community, that has nothing to do with race. That has for some reason isn't an interesting angle or an interesting story. And I think we selectively sometimes blow up stories. And then it taints a picture for the country of a racial reality that may or may not be the case. But it amplifies certain things at the expense of others. So media absolutely has a role. I don't think the president just because he is African-American, I don't think Barack Obama would change the entire dynamic of race relations in this country. Even though he said he would be a great unifier and maybe people said you didn't do what you said you are going to do, he is one man. He cannot change everything. You need local communities.
(CROSSTALK)
BILA: We need families to come together. This is an issue that all of us have to work together.
GUTFELD: He did say he would change the levels of the oceans.
(LAUGHTER)
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Let's also not forget when President Obama who clearly said he came out on race, if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon Martin. That was dramatic. That was a dramatic comment. It could have just been hey, he's just weighing in on it. He also had Eric Holder, remember Eric Holder during I believe it was Trayvon Martin as well said, talking about when he was a young African-American boy with his father walking in a department store, security would follow them around. I mean, the Obama administration has perpetuated or has heightened the race debate over the last six years. And I don't think it has gotten better. I think it has gotten worse according to that poll.
WILLIAMS: Do you think it is worse because you heard that?
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Why am I hearing President Obama weighing in that his son would look like Trayvon Martin? I'm not really understanding.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Because he is saying, with this kid, he felt was under fairly attacked and it had to do with race. Young black boys wearing a hoodie?
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: And the problem is there are so many occurrences of crime as Jedediah points out.
BILA: Right.
BOLLING: He chose that to weigh in on, which was heightening the racial tensions in America.
FRANCIS: But she's right when she says it is about the media. Because we cover things that are out of the ordinary, that's what makes it news. So if there is black on black violence in Chicago every day, by definition, a lot of times it is not covered because it happens everyday. So it doesn't sound like news. It gives you from the outside a skewed perspective on what's going on.
GUTFELD: The tragedy of the mundane, the mundane of the tragedy. That's true.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: We got so used to this stuff.
FRANCIS: Right.
GUTFELD: All right. Ahead on The Five, Ted Cruz' wife gives her first TV interview since Trump retwitted that photo, mocking her appearance. Megyn Kelly got an exclusive with Heidi Cruz. Hear what she thought about that infamous posting coming up.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BOLLING: Bernie Sanders is convinced that America's economy is rigged.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BERNIE SANDERS, PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: It is not only a corrupt campaign finance system, it is a rigged economy. The Walton family who owns Wal- Mart, one family owns more wealth than the bottom 40 percent of the American people. The Walton family pays wages so low to its employees at Wal-Mart that many of the workers are forced to go on food stamps and Medicaid. Do you know who pays higher taxes for those food stamps and Medicaid? That's exactly right, the middle class does.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: And the Walton's. He also mentioned his goal of raising the federal minimum wage to $15 an hour. But wouldn't the government be rigging the economy and hurting the poor with that kind of wage hike. And we will discuss. Melissa.
FRANCIS: Either one.
BOLLING: Either one, take the first one or the second one. Tell us about $15 an hour.
FRANCIS: OK. So I had (inaudible) White Castle on yesterday. And he was talking about the $15 minimum wage which would impact him here in New York City, where they have 30 restaurants, which are by the way, owned by the franchisees who are small business owners. They said to get to $15 an hour. They have a 1 to 2 percent profit margin. They have to raise prices 50 percent in order to pay them or they have to fire people or they have to automate. There is no profit margin that these rich guys at the top are taking home. It is just about hurting the people at the bottom, hurting the customers and firing workers. That's how you get the $15 an hour. As for the rigged economy, yes, it is rigged. It is rigged by everyone in Washington. The Federal Reserve -- I mean, their easy money policy has jacked the stock market during this recovery. That's why the divide has gotten bigger and the rich have in fact gotten richer. I mean, they had housing through hud (ph). That's why the bubble exploded in the real estate. I mean, all the externalities in the economy that go on and blow up are from Washington.
BOLLING: Talk about the Walton family. They employ a lot of people.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: And they provide the cheap goods for the people that Bernie Sanders claims to be worried about. They make life livable. By the way, what system is he comparing America to? Is there some kind of utopian socialist nirvana in Neptune that he somehow missed out? There's no system of government that has reduced poverty more than America's system, across the board. The poor in America is better off than the middle class in most countries. They have more goods, they have more services. Life is better. The idea of poverty is being reduced faster and America is doing it on its own.
BOLLING: And, Juan, let's take a listen, $15 minimum wage would kill jobs and business. The former CEO of McDonald's.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ED RENSI, FORMER MCDONALD'S CEO: Talk about going from $10 up to $15 for a new minimum, you're talking about a 50 percent increase in wages. You look at that. Small businesses are going to get crucified with these rules. I know it is a job killer. If you go back and look at the volume of a typical fast food restaurant 25 years ago and the number of employees they have, the head count is down 50 percent in these restaurants.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: And I want to mention, now, you can put an order in to McDonald's. They'll send to it India and send it back to that McDonald's.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: It is cheaper.
WILLIAMS: Let me just say, I'm amazed that Ed Rensi is saying -- talking about small businesses as if McDonald's is a small business. I don't think they are a small business at all.
BOLLING: The franchise, the individual stores.
WILLIAMS: I think that you've seen Target and others raise their minimum wage and trying to get out ahead of what is now a political movement, especially on the left in this country, Democratic candidates. It is not only Bernie. I think Bernie wants to raise it to $15 an hour. But Hillary Clinton wants to do it for 12. President Obama is talking about 10-10. This is all a percentage of I think it is 17-40, it is the minimum wage in the country. So you're talking, when you get to 15, you're about 85 percent there. That destroys the market for people who are trying to just make a living.
BOLLING: What do you think Jedediah?
BILA: I think somebody pays for it. Bernie Sanders talks as if money just grows on trees. You're going to pay for it in terms of your prices. Prices are going to go up. You are going to pay for it in terms of people getting laid off. He does -- to answer Greg's question before, he does live in a utopia. And it is created in his own mind where everybody gets you know rainbow, a unicorn, some cookies at the end of the day. Somebody else is paying for everything. I find it really interesting when he speaks about corruption, government can never be corrupt. Like somehow government somehow is going to roll in and be this great equalizer and take from one person and give to another and balance out the whole system. And all the corruption is going to leave as if there's never been a story about government corruption. It is fascinating to me that corruption for him only exists in the private sector. And government is somehow holier than thou in his utopia.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Wait a second, wait a second. Your argument and Melissa's argument seems of a part to me. Because you say oh, the excess comes from Washington.
FRANCIS: Yeah, I think it is the policies in Washington that got us into this mess in the first place. I mean, you look at the Federal Reserve putting moment out there, easy money. I mean, you like to talk about the bubble, housing, and the stock market -- the bubble last time around.
WILLIAMS: Yeah.
FRANCIS: I mean, this is low interest rates pumped out there where people are reaching for yields, so they're taking the crazy risks and breaking the law.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: But who did that, Melissa? It seems to me Wall Street was banking financial instruments that were high risk, and when they fail, then they bail us out. We're too big to fail.
(CROSSTALK)
FRANCIS: No, it is because the Federal Reserve has interest rates too low. You go all the way back to Allen Greenspan and you look at how much money, low interest rates were pumped into housing, where people thought they lied on their loans, and they went out and bought houses, and thought it would go up and up forever, because that was a great way to make money. That was facilitated by the Federal Reserve, by Washington, D.C.
WILLIAMS: I get it. I get it.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: And the people in Wall Street had nothing to do with pushing that.
(CROSSTALK)
FRANCIS: I am saying there is plenty of blame to go around. And it starts in Washington. Yes, there were bad actors that broke the law. Absolutely. And there are also really bad actors in Washington and there were bad individuals who lied on their loans.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: That's why Bernie Sanders is doing so well. Because people are saying, listen. This ain't right.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Why do you take care of Wall Street but never take care of Main Street?
BILA: He is doing so well because he talks in sound bites that are appealing.
GUTFELD: He's never taken care of Main Street either, Juan.
WILLIAMS: I don't think so.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: We will leave it right there. Donald Trump still fired up about the presidential delegate system. He thinks it is crooked and rigged. (Inaudible) their takes next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WILLIAMS: We have good news for Donald Trump. Today, he has picked up 12 more delegates after Missouri, finally certified results of its primary from March 15. Mr. Trump still isn't happy however about the delegate system overall following Ted Cruz' voterless (ph) victory this weekend in Colorado. Here he is just moments ago.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: You know the system, folks, it's rigged. It's a rigged system. When you look at Colorado, people can say oh, well, that's the way the game is played. Look, they should have had an election. They didn't have an election. A Republican system is absolutely rigged. It is a phony deal. I have millions of votes more but I also have delegates more. These are dirty tricksters. This is a dirty trick. And I'll tell you why. The RNC, the Republican National Committee, they should be ashamed of themselves for allowing this kind of crap to happen.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Wow! Is the GOP system rigged? Is Trump right? These guys don't think so.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
RUSH LIMBAUGH, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: They have rigged it on the Democrat side. They're using the super delegates. It is not rigged on the Republican side. This is just the establishment taking advantage.
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER, SYNDICATED COLUMNIST: I don't think it was designed to stop Donald Trump. Because it was designed before he came into the primaries.
REINCE PRIEBUS, RNC: It is the same process they used, Greta, four years ago. It is no different. Some states use a primary system to bind delegates. Some states use a caucus system on bind delegates. There is nothing mysterious about this.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: All right. We're going to take a vote right here. We're going to have a count.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Who in this panel thinks that the system is rigged?
BOLLING: What system?
(CROSSTALK)
BILA: It is not a rigged. It is a bad system. But it is not rigged against him.
WILLIAMS: Melissa.
FRANCIS: How about bizarre, abnormal, strange.
WILLIAMS: It is rigged?
FRANCIS: Rigged for whom?
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: Rigged for the system, for the establishment?
FRANCIS: Yes.
(CROSSTALK)
FRANCIS: It is rigged for the establishment, yes.
WILLIAMS: All right.
FRANCIS: I don't think it is rigged against Donald Trump. It was created before he got there.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: My personal hero gets to vote. My hero, you get to vote.
GUTFELD: Cruz just used the caucus rules the way Trump use bankruptcy rules.
WILLIAMS: That's the trick.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Trump used bankruptcy rules. He used the banking rules to help him screw other people, and now he's mad that he's getting screwed?
By the way, I have a good metaphor for this. Imagine if you're a college student and you have a mid-term. Right? And they move the mid-term, but they told everybody six months ago. And everybody shows up. All the other students show up. The professor shows up. It's in a nice building. You didn't show up, because you were too cheap to buy a damn alarm clock.
Trump was too cheap to put in an infrastructure in Colorado. He even fired some guy like a couple of weeks ago. He didn't put the attention to this. He didn't buy the alarm clock.
I mean, the fact is, he talks about being surrounded with great people. The great people, that's their fault.
And by the way, he should love the delegates. He has a larger percentage of delegates than of votes. If the system is rigged, it's for him.
BOLLING: You answered a different question than Juan asked. Juan asked, is the delegate system rigged? You answered Colorado -- and I will agree with you 100 percent -- Trump dropped the ball in Colorado. That was an opportunity to get some delegates. He thought they were all going to come to him. It didn't. He should have -- he should have...
GUTFELD: Yes.
BOLLING: ... planted some people there; weren't there. He should have had Paul Manafort there.
GUTFELD: But that's why -- the guy got fired.
BOLLING: But the bigger picture: the system is rigged. And it's not just rigged against Trump. It's rigged against Cruz also.
FRANCIS: Right. Yes.
GUTFELD: But Cruz has adapted. Cruz adapted.
BOLLING: No, but here's what no one's getting. No one is getting that, when they go to this convention, at the convention, the rules committee at the convention is made up of Trump delegates, Cruz delegates, Kasich delegates and a whole group of people who are neither, people who are disinterested. The RNC chooses those people. If those people have enough support, they can change that rule 40, 40-B, which is going to allow anyone on a subsequent ballot to become a nominee.
WILLIAMS: Those are the rules. By the way...
BOLLING: It's rigged so that the RNC...
WILLIAMS: OK.
BOLLING: ... can pick who the nominee is going to be.
WILLIAMS: They never do; they never do. Let me just say, you know, at this table, then, the vote was, like, 3-2. But it was -- you say it's rigged. But not rigged against Trump.
FRANCIS: No, I think it's rigged for the establishment.
WILLIAMS: All right.
FRANCIS: And so it's against -- I mean, Cruz is not the establishment. He has adapted to the rules, like you said, like the bankruptcy rule.
GUTFELD: Six of the 10 GOP brokered conventions have ended up in a winning presidency for the GOP. So maybe it might be rigged to win a general election. Not to -- not to, I don't know, indulge somebody that emotionally you like but will lose.
WILLIAMS: All right. Everybody agrees at the table that the establishment looks out for itself. And the name most often floated as the candidate of the establishment, if we get to an open convention, is Paul Ryan. Watch this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. PAUL RYAN (R-WI), SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE: So let me be clear. I don't want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.
So let me speak directly to the delegates on this. If no candidate has a majority in the first ballot, I believe that you should only choose from a person who has actually participated in the primary. Count me out.
I simply believe that, if you want to be the nominee for our party, to be the president, you should actually run for it. I chose not to do this. Therefore, I should not be considered, period, end of story. I just think it would be wrong to go any other way.
So let me say again. I am not going to be our party's nominee.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Now Jedidiah...
BILA: Yes.
WILLIAMS: ... I think I'm -- I think I'm having a flashback, you know, because I've been sipping from Greg's cup. And instead, in the flashback it said, Paul Ryan said, "I don't want to be speaker of the House. I'll never take that job."
BILA: That's true. I think it's a little bit different to run for president than to accept a position as speaker.
This guy doesn't want the job. People get obsessed with Paul Ryan, and they get obsessed with Mitt Romney. And they ask them repeatedly. Like he'll have to answer this another 750 times. He doesn't want the job. Move on.
I don't even think he'd be great for the job. When he was on the ticket with Romney, he went from being, you know, this bull that was out there, and all of a sudden, he got all shy. He wasn't tough on Barack Obama. I don't know that he's a great candidate, and I don't know the conservatives would like him.
WILLIAMS: You like Paul Ryan?
BOLLING: I think that was -- he said something very important. And it wasn't that he didn't want to be president. Who knows if he does or not. What he did say is it should be someone that has run for president, which opened the door for 17 candidates, because remember, we started with 17. In my opinion, I think -- I think what that is, he said any one of the 17.
WILLIAMS: I thought he meant any of the three.
BOLLING: No. And that's why -- they don't, they don't end their candidacy; they suspend them. So technically, Marco Rubio is suspended.
WILLIAMS: I get it.
BOLLING: Which they could come back.
WILLIAMS: What do you think? What do you think?
FRANCIS: I mean, that was -- why did he put out that video that was totally presidential with the overhead shot coming down, you saw him addressing everyone and the flag behind him. It's ridiculous. I mean, he's out there. I know I heard what he said. I think he protests too much.
WILLIAMS: What do you think, Gregory.
FRANCIS: ... are asking him. I mean, come on.
WILLIAMS: Is it posturing, Greg?
GUTFELD: I don't think he ever really was talking about running. So I don't know. It was never that.
FRANCIS: I mean, "Even if everybody begs me."
GUTFELD: But a lot of people are bringing this up.
BILA: He likes to be wanted. He's like that guy who keeps saying he wants you to date him, but "You want me." He wants you to want him, but he doesn't want to date you.
GUTFELD: You know who won on three ballots? Abe Lincoln. He came in with 22 percent of the delegates.
WILLIAMS: He'd do pretty well, too.
GUTFELD: Not for a while.
WILLIAMS: He still has to win the nomination.
Trump is already throwing out names of possible running mates. And some of those names, wow, you're going to be surprised. Stay tuned.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BILA: Remember the days when Donald Trump would mock Little Marco? Now, in a surprising development, Marco Rubio appears to be on Trump's short list for V.P. Yes, pun intended.
In a new interview with FOX News contributor and USA Today columnist Kirsten Powers, the Republican front-runner said, quote, "There are people I have in mind in terms of vice president. I just haven't told anybody names. I do like Marco. I do like John Kasich. I like Scott Walker, actually, in a lot of ways. I hit him very hard, but I've always liked him."
Would any of those former opponents accept a V.P. offer from Trump?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. MARCO RUBIO (R-FL), FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I'm not going to be anybody's vice president. I'm not -- I'm just not going to -- I'm not interested in being vice president.
GOV. JOHN KASICH (R-OH), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: You're asking me if I would be his vice president?
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN ANCHOR: Would you?
KASICH: Zero.
COOPER: Absolutely not?
KASICH: I'm not going to be anybody's vice president. I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. You know why? I'm not like a vice president. I'm a president.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BILA: Uh-oh. And Governor Walker told a Milwaukee paper he laughed when he heard his name mentioned as a possible Trump pick. He, of course, endorsed Cruz.
OK, Gutfeld, this has gotten ugly. How is he going to go from calling him Little Marco and the hands and that whole thing to all of a sudden being like, "Hey, want to be my V.P.?"
GUTFELD: I think -- I think who -- why does he need a V.P.? I've said this before. He should just be the P. and the V.P. and the staff. He should -- maybe get Omarosa and Dennis Rodman.
Actually, you know what would be perfect? He needs somebody who can talk to that he can listen to. And the only person I can think of is George H. Ross. Remember?
BOLLING: Yes, his -- "Celebrity Apprentice." The judge, yes.
GUTFELD: Eight-eight years old, but he was the only guy. Donald is like, what do you think? And he'd go, "Hmm." And then he'd go, "You're fired."
BILA: I think he has to pick somebody, Juan, from outside the field. I don't think any of these guys are going -- it's gotten too ugly. I don't think they've going to want to be tied to his brand. I think they've all dragged each other through the mud, and they'll compromise their own brand if all of a sudden they go from hating him and saying all these terrible things to being, "Oh, sure, I'll be your teammate."
So who can he pick?
WILLIAMS: I don't know, because you know, I sort of -- I heard the list, and I thought the one name missing is Ted Cruz. Right? He just didn't even...
GUTFELD: Because he would say yes.
FRANCIS: Chris Christie. Chris Christie is, like, his best friend.
WILLIAMS: Yes.
FRANCIS: I totally disagree with you; I think all of these guys would say yes. I think this is politics. You go out there, and you say awful things about each other, and then it's over and you all get together, because you want to be one heartbeat away from the presidency, maybe. I mean, you want to run the next time.
GUTFELD: Hillary was Obama's secretary of state after that.
FRANCIS: Right, after all of that. It's ridiculous.
But I loved Walker's response when he said that it was breathtaking to hear his name. It literally took his breath away when he heard his name mentioned.
GUTFELD: Yes.
BOLLING: He is so -- he's unpredictable. I think the best choice he could possibly pick...
GUTFELD: Oprah.
BOLLING: Joe Biden.
BILA: Are you serious?
BOLLING: He's not going to run for president. He'd bring in some Democrats.
GUTFELD: Your plan, that undercuts Hillary. Right?
BOLLING: It undercuts everybody. I love it. And Joe Biden is beloved. Honestly, beloved on both sides.
BILA: Wait, you think conservatives are going to take to Biden well?
BOLLING: No, I think whoever is going to vote -- whoever going to vote for Donald Trump isn't going to be swayed by who he picks as a vice president.
BILA: That would be great, though, the Biden-Sanders drama. This is turning into a TV show I really would want to watch.
FRANCIS: Yes.
BILA: Now Kasich, though, I think actually would be a good choice. I mean, I know he's saying he's going to say no, but he appeals to moderates. He has a very wide appeal. And his favorability numbers of everybody are still the highest.
GUTFELD: The only one so far in the general polling that could beat Hillary.
BILA: Yes.
GUTFELD: So he's a good choice.
BILA: Yes. Do you think that Trump thinks about this seriously at this stage of the game, though? Do you think he's actually strategizing in terms of votes he can't get on his own and then who can pull in -- do you think he's actually doing that at this stage?
FRANCIS: I think even when he was hurdling Molotov cocktails at Marco Rubio's head, he was still thinking, "Well, I might pick this guy later to be my V.P., because he represents a demographic that I'm not getting.
Absolutely. I think in politics, that's how it works. I think everyone's used to it. They know when those guys stood there and stammered and said, "No, I would never be his V.P.," they were lying.
I mean, it just -- that's how it goes.
BILA: OK. Well, next on "The Five," do not get between this mom and Mickey Mouse.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (UNINTELLIGIBLE SHOUTING)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BILA: What made this frustrated passenger completely unravel at the airport? That's coming up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
FRANCIS: Traveling, as you know, can be very stressful, but traveling with children can sometimes bring you very close to the edge. Fold in a flight delay by half a day, and this mom just completely lost it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm getting everyone's name here, because you're all (EXPLETIVE DELETED). You lied to me! I'm sitting here since 8 a.m. with a 9-year-old who's waiting for her vacation and a 13-year-old. If there's no flight, just say there's no flight. Say there's no flight. In the way of getting what we want. We're waiting all our life for this. I'm waiting for this Disney cruise for a year already.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: A year.
FRANCIS: And of course, everyone is taking videotape with their phones. Tape, whatever. I just showed my age there. They're recording it on their phone and sending it out.
It was pretty exciting at the American Airlines gate at New York's LaGuardia Airport. That furious mother melted down in front of her kids and everyone else, with a camera, after her flight to Miami kept getting delayed, impacting her Disney cruise vacation.
The flight did eventually take off, albeit 12 hours later. As for the family, they made it in time for their cruise. A very happy ending. Now we are all laughing around this table. Jedidiah, I saw some deep belly laughs from you.
BILA: Yes.
FRANCIS: You've been there, though.
BILA: Yes.
FRANCIS: You've been there.
BILA: I want to be her in my next life.
FRANCIS: Really?
BILA: I'm way too polite. So I only have meltdowns like that with my friends and family. And then when I'm in public, you know, I want to be able to scream sometimes.
I was in Colorado. There was a horrible snowstorm. I got stuck in what I can only describe as the Bates Motel overnight. I never said a word. I went to Catholic school my whole life. I was taught, "You know what? You don't like something, zip it. You know, just handle it."
And you know what? I want to be someone that screams like that and it makes YouTube because of it. Good for her.
FRANCIS: Good for her, although I wonder about the wisdom of this. Because the person behind the counter has all the power to either put her on another flight or not. I mean, this is like insulting the waiter before the food has come out. You know for sure something's going to happen in the back.
GUTFELD: Yes, but you know, two things. You want to be like that? Have kids. Moms are -- Moms are supposed to be a little crazy. If there were digital phones when I was a child in the '70s, my poor mother. My poor mother would yell at everything. She'd yell at me; she'd yell at anybody. She was a screamer. She had four kids. They were driving her crazy. She had a sick husband. Everything went nuts. She went nuts. And that's what you're supposed to do.
In your point of view, from your question, in customer service, they are goal-oriented. When you're talking to them, you're like talking to your smartphone or a rock. They just sit there, and they listen to you, because their goal is that you get there safely and that you don't die. And you can yell at them all want. It's artificial intelligence. You can't talk to them. That's true. That's the job.
FRANCIS: First of all, I totally disagree with you. Because with kids around, I edit myself more. I was much more insane before I had kids.
GUTFELD: You're a terrible mom.
FRANCIS: But now I try not to go off on people in front of my kids. You're supposed to set a decent example.
GUTFELD: If you're the Mama lion, you have to scream.
FRANCIS: I want to say that the cruise didn't take off until 5 a.m. the next day, and this was the night before. She did leave -- I mean, she cut it close, but it's not like it was about to leave.
BOLLING: You're saying it's her fault?
FRANCIS: No, no, no. I'm trying to provide all the facts. I know, I know.
BOLLING: At some point the airline has to say -- I'm going to need another piece of equipment in here, get these people out, or spread them out on other airlines. They can pay for another airline to take those passengers.
I feel for her. And I know my beautiful wife, who's patient more than everyone, probably around the four- or five-hour mark, would start doing that, as well, with or without the kids.
FRANCIS: No, you make another plan. I make another plan. I go to a different desk, call in. I mean, like start doing something. I'm not going to stand there and let them control this out-of-control situation. Juan, help me out.
WILLIAMS: By the way, it was 2 a.m. Remember it was 2 a.m.
FRANCIS: No. It was 9. It was like midnight.
WILLIAMS: No, I think it was 2 a.m. is what I read. And the thing about it is I agree with you. Make another plan, Stan.
FRANCIS: Yes.
WILLIAMS: You know? Because I don't understand it. You can't let them control your life. It's so frustrating.
FRANCIS: I would go out, get in a car, drive to another airport.
BILA: Like Superman. I don't need airplanes.
FRANCIS: Also a fantastic solution. We solved it.
Now "One More Thing" is up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Time for "One More Thing." I'll go first. I'm going to be on "O'Reilly" tonight with Bernie, talking about all sorts of fun stuff.
BOLLING: Sanders?
GUTFELD: I think, yes, I think we might be talking about Sanders. That's true. And other junk.
BOLLING: Bernie Sanders.
GUTFELD: Bernie Sanders. Oh! Bernie McGuirk.
FRANCIS: You missed it.
GUTFELD: I had a wild weekend. All right.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD (singing): Greg's Prom Tips
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Right over my head.
All right. Still about a month or so away. This is not about the prom. It is about the ask.
Girls, if a guy does some kind of overdramatic prom ask with, like, music and all this sort of stuff, say no, because he's making it about him. You don't want anything too overly flamboyant or dramatic when you're doing a prom ask. Instead, if some shy geeky kid comes up to you and asks you quietly, say yes. Because you never know. He could be the next Bill Hemmer.
BILA: Aw, I love that.
GUTFELD: You're up, Melissa.
FRANCIS: OK. My turn. Megyn Kelly is sitting down tonight for an exclusive with Heidi Cruz. It is the first time we have heard from Heidi Cruz since, well, she got caught up in the whole campaign thing with Twitter. Here's a taste.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MEGYN KELLY, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Recently, Donald Trump sent out an unkind retweet about you comparing your appearance unfavorably to that of his wife, Melania Trump, who is a retired model. How did that retweet first come to your attention?
HEIDI CRUZ, WIFE OF TED CRUZ: Well, one great thing about me, Megyn, is I don't tweet. So I had an ability to completely ignore it. And you know, I think we have a pattern of behavior here that, when Donald Trump is falling behind -- I really have to honestly say, it didn't impact me in the least.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
FRANCIS: See? That's what I told my kids. If you just ignore them, it doesn't bother you.
The rest of this fantastic interview tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern right here on the FOX News Channel. "The Kelly Files."
GUTFELD: Eric.
BOLLING: All right. Very quickly. So when the NBA first started, there wasn't a three-point line, and there wasn't a shot clock. Right? So rules apparently changed over the years. All right. Think about that for a second.
Go to my Facebook page -- I'm sorry, Twitter page, because I put up a poll. "Votes are more of a recommendation than an actual vote." That's because the delegates actually are the ones who are picking the nominee, not the votes. It's a kind of recommendation.
So I want to hear what you have to say. Do you agree with that? If you agree with the process, say, "Yes, rules are rules." Check yes. Or no, it's time for the rules to be changed to reflect the vote more accurately.
GUTFELD: All right. Jedediah.
BILA: So last week in the green room, Greg here woke me up from a nap, and Juan happened to be rolling footage. So let's take a look at what happened.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(TIGER WAKES SLEEPING TIGER, GETS SWATTED AND BOY WHO IS WATCHING RUNS OFF)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BILA: I mean, this is what he gets. I mean, you notice which one is the vicious one there and which one can beat the other one up, mind you. So memo to everyone: don't wake me up from a nap.
GUTFELD: Interesting. That kid ran away from home. They haven't found him yet. Who knows where he went?
Juan.
WILLIAMS: OK. So NBA legend Kobe Bryant will play his final game Wednesday night in L.A. against the Utah Jazz.
Now, I mentioned this to Eric and Melissa, because watch the economics here. His game right now is listed at $2,100 on Monday afternoon. More than 500 percent higher than the average cost of a Lakers game home ticket. There's one ticket listed for $25,000. This is nostalgia. It doesn't say he doesn't have a great game; just nostalgia. Can you believe this Michael Jordan game? Never.
GUTFELD: I can't believe it, Juan. Stop talking.
Set your DVRs so you never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" up next.
Content and Programming Copyright 2016 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2016 Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.
Get all the stories you need-to-know from the most powerful name in news delivered first thing every morning to your inbox