This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," May 26, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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JOE SCARBOROUGH, HOST, "MORNING JOE": If this is too much for you, if you can't handle the truth, if you are thinking, "This is -- it's just one," yeah, yeah, guess what? A fire department has one focus when there's like a four-alarm fire. All right. If you don't want to hear the truth, you can change the channel.
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GREG GUTFELD, HOST, "THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW": Change the channel. That is the smartest thing they have said.
Saturday night and Donald Trump has more balls in the air than a juggling nudist. He's got North Korea, the midterms, MS-13 -- speaking of those fine chaps, let's begin with a quiz.
An MS-13 thug just got sentenced to 40 years in jail for crimes involving the murder of a teenager. Quick question. What was his gang nickname?
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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Animal.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Animal.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Animal.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Animal.
NANCY PELOSI, HOUSE MINORITY LEADER, DEMOCRAT: Animal.
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GUTFELD: Imagine that. It wasn't "Fluffy," "Cuddles" or "Captain Snugglepuss." And you wonder why Trump's numbers keep rising like Chris Matthews' blood pressure, because he is right. He is targeting animals and they are parsing words.
So, imagine that your house is on fire in your neighbor calls the police because you were yelling fire too loud. That is the media when it comes to MS-13. Now, check out the response to Trump pulling up north grand summit.
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WOLF BLITZER, HOST, CNN: The surprise cancellation of a planned summit with Kim Jong-un.
CHRIS MATTHEWS, HOST, MSNBC: In a stunning turnaround today, President Trump canceled the June 12th summit with North Korea's Kim Jong-un.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: that is pretty stunning, isn't it?
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GUTFELD: Well, if you are shocked by that, then you're probably shocked every day by your own feet. "Oh, my god, where did these come from?" The fact is, this occurs in negotiations and all Trump does is negotiate. I am sure at his own funeral, he'll try to cut a deal with the gravedigger.
Of course, the media can only see the bad in Trump and with North Korea, it comes in two flavors, mock Trump for staying in, mock Trump for pulling out, they're bi-Trumpial. They want it both ways.
No wonder America rates the press only slightly higher than gout, but media anger is derived from the delusion that they can't shake. Trump is evil and/or stupid, but never, ever write. This delusion is getting worse. If only we had a delusion stripper.
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UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: A single page letter with worldwide implications, the meeting is canceled. President Trump is scuttling his much anticipated summit with North Korea's Kim Jong-un.
TOM, SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: This whole thing is headed for disaster. Donald Trump won't stop until he destroys the country.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Are you sure? Maybe it's not as bad as you always think.
SHILLUE: Of course, I am sure. That's what they said about Hitler. This president is worse than MS-13.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dude, seriously, you're not living in reality. You need the delusion stripper.
SHILLUE: What is that?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Come on, follow me.
SHILLUE: I see a very serious situation.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Hit him fellows.
SHILLUE: This president is an authoritarian (inaudible)...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You've just been hit by the delusion stripper. Feel any different now?
SHILLUE: No, he has been President for over a year, (inaudible)...
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How about now?
SHILLUE: So cold. What is that thing?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The delusion stripper is a retrofitted garden hose that uses laser technology to you directly in the face. You'll be stunned by the precisely calibrated 33-degree water, your delusions about the president will be gradually stripped away.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Working yet?
SHILLUE: I cannot feel my face.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That's the hypothermia setting in. How do you feel about Mr. Trump?
SHILLUE: You mean the president that stood up to Iran and North Korea? Thanks, delusion stripper.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So, get the delusion stripper today. Also, available in pocket size model.
GUTFELD: Just an excuse to spray water on Tom Shillue. So, the summit snag, should that bother you? No, because it is Trump and he is not these guys. See, Trump knows when to leave the table -- Obama, Hillary, Kerry, they cannot even find the table.
Which is weird since Kerry is made from a table. He's a wooden fellow. Ah, delayed clapping. North Korea already wants back in, but the media is still obsessed with collusion while dismissing the other story that at least one dude would paid tons of money to spy on the Trump campaign.
It's great watching the media spin this. First they say, "There is no spying, but if there was a spying, then it's good spying." It's like a spy hug, but it's definitely not spying which is why we can't tell you the name of the not spy, so please don't blow his cover because he is not spying.
Here's a handy video to help you follow the media's take on all of this.
I could watch that forever. So, the media is tied up in knots as Trump rolls on. Here is at Annapolis on Friday.
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DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We are respected again, and I can tell you that. We are respected again. The best way to prevent war is to be fully prepared for war. We are witnessing the great reawakening of the American spirit and of American might. We have rediscovered our identity, regained our stride and we are proud again.
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GUTFELD: So, did you hear that? That is Trump not just speaking not to us, but to the world. Trump speaks the language everyone, including our enemies understand. How do you know this? Because it pisses off the very people who can do it, meaning the media.
Trump says America first, the Brits get it, Russia gets it, China gets it -- everyone but CNN gets it.
The message America is no longer the world's welcome mat for them to wipe their shoes on. If you say walk softly and carry a big stick, to do that you've got to show the stick now and then. And so, Trump has hijacked the bullhorn.
Before it was always Hollywood that transmitted our values to the world and said, we were guilty oppressors, not anymore. America has got a new spokesman. So, it's no longer, "Hi, we're America and we are sorry." It's "Hi, we're America, deal with it."
Let us welcome tonight's guests. He got Bin Laden to really open up, former Navy SEAL Rob O'Neill.
He is so sharp, his spot comes with warning labels, writer and comedian, Kris Fried.
She puts the cat in Cat lady, National Review reporter, Kat Timpf.
His favorite dessert is baked Alaska, literally, the entire state baked. Former WWE superstar and my massive sidekick, Tyrus.
GUTFELD: All right, Rob?
ROB O'NEILL, FORMER NAVY SEAL: Yes.
GUTFELD: Was Trump to call off the meeting with Kim Jong-un?
O'NEILL: Definitely not. He should have done exactly that because he knows how to negotiate from a position of strength, and that's what you do. I mean, he even got them to blow up their nuclear arsenal and then he pulled out, which is awesome I think.
I mean, it's not his -- this is not the first deal he's made, he wrote a bestseller called, "Art of the Deal, not "Art of Benghazi."
O'NEILL: And he showed right away that he has the power, he can pull out, Kim Jong-un really wants back, and I'd be willing to bet that high-level government officials probably looking at the business end of it like an anti-aircraft gun at this point. Kim Jong-un is not happy with them. Kim Jong-un wants this because he likes being famous.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. He is now on the world stage and a lot of people don't like that, but the fact is sometimes, you've got to bring people onto the stage in order to change them, I believe, I don't know.
O'NEILL: And I mean, there's a lot more to it, but simply backing away one time -- the liberal media was all over it. They would rather not have world peace than have Trump succeed, but him pulling out is like, take your rap off, this is how negotiation works. This is how real negotiation works.
GUTFELD: That's true. Kris, it seems like the media has never bought a car, you know.
KRIS FRIED, AMERICAN COMEDIAN AND WRITER: Sweet question.
GUTFELD: Moving on to Kat.
FRIED: I was still thinking about the delusion stripper, which I really enjoyed, but I always thought the delusion stripper was a Stormy Daniels, but -- or the lawyer that gives delusion to strippers. I don't know.
GUTFELD: Nice play on words, my friend, Kris.
FRIED: I don't know, I just feel like we should just feel lucky that Trump does not use MS-13 as the nickname for MSNBC. I don't know how -- how has he slipped that yet.
GUTFELD: That is so true.
FRIED: How has he not that and gone on like a long spiel and gotten in trouble? But...
GUTFELD: That's an idea because he does watch, believe it or not.
GRIED: Yes, well, my main thought was on the animal stuff, they've got to pick their arguments and they don't and this was a stupid one and now it's at the point where in the midterms, pretty like every Democratic candidate is going to be like the Sarah Mclachlan song, over like, MS-13 hurt victims and in the arms of an angel. We need to help these animals, you know...
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, it would be like, and you'd have to adopt one. Adopt an MS-13 gang member. It's like forty bucks a month.
FRIED: Yes, they're all bleeding and barbed wire and trying to get over Trump's wall or whatever...
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH: Really hard to socialize.
GUTFELD: All right, Kat, address anything you want for my marvelous monologue.
KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: Okay. I think it must be great to be one of these just super anti-Trump people because you don't actually have to do any thinking at all before you decide what side of something you are on. Whatever side Trump is on, you are on the opposite side, even if the opposite side is a bunch of people who rip other people's bodies apart limb for limb.
You don't even have to think about it at all, because if you were thinking, you might think, "Oh, I don't really like Donald Trump, but at least he doesn't rip people's limbs off," so that's a little better.
GUTFELD: Are we sure?
TIMPF: I believe that anybody's brain, actual brain, would lead to that conclusion which can only lead me to believe that brains are not being used at all in the situation.
GUTFELD: It's true. It's actually irrationally based decisions, all emotion derived. All right Tyrus, you think this deal with North Korea will eventually be done?
MURDOCH: Yes, I think it's already being done. I think -- I am an entertainment, you kind of are, and there's nothing worse than being brought into the main stage and going, "You know what? We are not going to do it tonight, sorry." And that is basically what he did. They threw a little -- we are not going to go if we don't get this and he's like, "Okay," wait, no, no, like I do that to my kids all the time. "I don't want..." "Okay, go to bed."
And that is basically what he did and that's just 101, being the big boy in the room. We have what they want, they are starving, the sanctions hurt in no one is willing to cross us to help them smuggle in a little chip or squid every six months from China is not really getting it done, so they need to have this meeting with us and the sad thing is, and to this point where people jump on one side or the other. I think -- I would like to see what would happen if Trump came out and gave a speech just bashing Weinstein right now. What would they do? What would that "Morning Joe" be like?
Last night, Trump on Weinstein... back to you.
GUTFELD: Back to you. All right, we have to go, but to your point about when you draw an analogy of parenting, Trump's letter to Kim Jong-un was a perfect version of tough love. It reminded me of exactly the same tone that parents took when they kicked out, the 30-year-old. They said, you've got to get a job. You've got to start earning some money and sell some of your belongings.
Its' the exact tone he had with Kim Jong-un. Things will go well if you just listen to our advice.
O'NEILL: And he complimentary, too, which I mean, over complimentary I think, but he just kind of showed him, "Like, look, it wasn't me, it's you."
MURDOCH: That's the worst breakup in the world. Like, I'm leaving. I think that's a good idea. Goodbye. Take care.
GUTFELD: All right, we could still be friends. Coming up, with the midterms just months away, are the Dems in decline. We discuss, you imbibe.
Like a five-gallon tub of ice cream in Michael Moore's bed, it does not even need a punch line, the Democrats midterm lead is disappearing fast. Look, you've got two applause lines.
All right, the Real Clear Politics average of poll shows the Dems have lost more than a third of its lead over Republicans in last two months and in that same timeframe, Trump's popularity is rising in places where Dems thought they had a chance.
Like Orange County, California. There are four tight Congressional races there, but Trump's approval rating grew ten points in the last couple months. They don't call it orange for nothing.
Yes, that obvious. So why the upticks? Well, a lot of companies gave bonuses to their employees after Trump's tax cuts like a small business owner who reminded Nancy Pelosi at a town hall that she called the bonuses crumbs.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This certainly was not crumbs to them. My question is, what can you add to this legislation that would also contribute to the growth of jobs and wages in our country?
PELOSI: It's only a small percentage of businesses shared their tax advantage with their employees, so let us thank them.
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GUTFELD: Applauding her own comment. She will never live down that crumbs line. It's like me and that incident at Walmart. Technically, I was wearing pants. So, my advice to Dems keep not having solutions and also have this person campaign for everyone.
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HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: Now, having said all this, why aren't I 50 points ahead, you might ask?
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GUTFELD: Can't get enough of that. All right. Kris, what are your thoughts on the Democratic chances, is the blue wave turning into a blue grave?
FRIED: Well, my immediate thoughts where I like that guy's energy who asked that question. He was building up all day you know, like, with his family, "I am going to say crumbs. That's all I am going to say." And then he was just like, when he said crumb, "crumb." It was like -- and you know, I was waiting for him to just be like, "Nailed it." Like under his breath or something.
But, I don't know -- you don't noticed it in like -- because I was listening polls, you don't notice whenever Trump support is up or down and people are pretty much the same, but then every now and then, there's like a little trinket of a friend that is not as mean and they're willing to be-- it's like the new coming out. It's coming out as a Trump supporter.
GUTFELD: It's true.
FRIED: It's like the new thing and parents now, like conservative parents are talking to their kids and they are like, "We love you no matter what, but we looked to your internet history, searching for a particular red hat and I don't know if you would like to talk about something."
GUTFELD: It is so true. You are actually seeing some celebrities kind of like putting their toe in the water saying, maybe give the guy a chance. It's exactly like coming out for a Hollywood actor, not that I would know, Tyrus.
Can the Republicans still screw this up?
MURDOCH: Why the hell are you talking to me about coming out? You can't beat me -- I am out in the open. I am scream breathing, what are you talking about?
GUTFELD: Can the Republicans mess this up?
MURDOCH: No, they don't have to. Statistically typically when there's a change in the presidency, usually in the midterms go the other way, there tends to be a balance, because usually, there's a Democratic House or Senate and a Republican president or a Democratic president, the House is usually one of -- but they've botched this up going all the way back to Obama.
Like I said, Obama one in spite of the Democratic Party and they are in such shambles, they have nothing they are running on other than, "We don't like that guy," that is not something you can really vote for.
GUTFELD: That's a good point though about Obama. It was that they relied so much on Obama that they didn't fix the party.
MURDOCH: And their party now -- polls don't mean anything. We learned that. I mean, literally, polls, means absolutely nothing, if you follow the polls, Hillary won in a landslide, but that did not happen.
So, polls are misleading. The big lead was never a big lead. I just think most Trump supporters and most Republicans and independents that went that way were living their lives and partying and not answering their phone to say, "Oh, I am definitely voting Democrat," because those are the people that want to be heard right now, the ones who lose, and I just don't think-- I don't hear any format. I don't hear any -- no solutions, no ideas. Just, "I don't like him."
GUTFELD: Sometimes that can work, Rob, but I don't think the Americans are getting used to the idea of President Trump, so when they hear the negatively, they actually see it as the negative person's flaw, not Trumps. Like, why can't you lighten up?
O'NEILL: That is the issue, too. I'm fortunate, I travel around the country and speak to thousands of people personally a week and what they are saying is, they're tired of this impeach talk. They are tired of the negativity. They want America to work together and the media is not going to tell you that. A lot of polls are the same, but you know, like I said, I sat on his couch before and I had one of the people say there is no way Donald Trump is going to get elected because the polls say this.
And that's nonsense, and like Nancy Pelosi, she is up there saying and applauding her own comments, saying, "Well, this doesn't work for most, you're one of the few." She's never run a business. She's been a politician forever. And she runs the 12th Congressional district in San Francisco? You've ever been there? You've got a job? She's done it. Yes, it smells like the stuff coming out of her mouth. (Inaudible) it's so bad.
Five hundred and forty two companies, private businesses, gave bonuses, pay raises just new benefits based on the tax cuts and all she's been able to say is, if we get the House, we are going to impeach and raise your taxes.
I might be eating crazy sandwiches or something, but like how would you vote for these people?
GUTFELD: Yes, the idea of crazy sandwiches sounds like fun. So, Kat, if you are running what would you do? Like, would you steal a page from Trump or would you -- what would you do?
TIMPF: Well, in my opinion, the Democrats are not ready for leadership any more than someone who is still getting over an ex is ready for a new relationship. They are still in the face where they can't talk about anything else except for the person who broke their heart, being Donald Trump, and that is not going to attract voters any more than it would attract a new partner.
Basically, the Democrats are like that drunk girl on a first date that just keeps babbling on about her ex-boyfriend and how he was such a jerk and she doesn't understand why she doesn't get a call back the next day. They need to move on, get over it or they are never going to win anything.
GUTFELD: Every guy here is nodding their head.
MURDOCH: Been there. Been there.
GUTFELD: I have been there, many years ago, when I was single and like you get -- it's like you're looking forward to a first date and just before they could check the phone.
FRIED: I have not been that far where I am looking forward to the first date. I am still working on that.
GUTFELD: Great metaphor. I love a great metaphor. I think they should focus on the fears that are legitimate, California is in trouble with the homeless situation, the sanitary situation, the disease problems that are culminating from these homeless encampments. That's a little scary. They've got to solve the homeless issue.
All right, still to come, Starbucks really steps in it this time. We discuss their new bathroom policy, next.
ALICIA ACUNA, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I am Alicia Acuna. A former American hostage held in Venezuela for two years visited President Trump at the White House tonight. Upon arriving back in the US, Joshua Holt of Utah enjoyed a warm reunion with his family. Republican Senators Bob Corker and Orrin Hatch were also on hand.
Corker helped secure Holt's release during a meeting with Venezuela's President, Nicolas Maduro on Friday. The 26-year-old Hold traveled to Caracas for love in June of 2016. He met his now wife while trying to improve his Spanish online.
At the White House, Holt and his family, including his wife and parents expressed gratitude to those who helped to gain his freedom. The couple was planning a return to the US when they were arrested for allegedly stockpiling weapons including grenades. US officials say the charges were bogus.
I'm Alicia Acuna, now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."
GUTFELD: You can use their john and never move on. New Starbucks policy is their PR response to that recent fiasco when two black men were arrested at one cafe in Philly. They were just there for a business and didn't buy anything.
But now, you could stay as long as you want and use the john all you want without buying a thing. There are some ground rules, no drugs or alcohol is allowed and absolutely no napping. That means you, Bruce.
I am not sure how Starbucks' new policy will affect their bottom line, but it gave me an idea for a new franchise.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you tired of having to pay for your coffee at Starbucks? Sure the bathroom is free, but it should it not be the other way around?
Introducing Crappuccino's, the only store where you pay to use the bathroom, but everything else is free.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: At Crappuccino's, we know the value of a conveniently placed toilet, so just pass a few bucks to use the toilet and grab a free coffee when you leave.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom. I need to go really badly.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Venti or grande?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Dollar for venti, two bucks for a grande.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Grande. Grande.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Would you like a fresh roll?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Excuse me. Yes, yes.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Three dollars, please.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Here, take it.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What's so special about Crappuccino? You can stay as long as you want, but you won't because our coffee is terrible. And the best part, you can't leave the bathroom until you pay an exit fee of $28. That is just good business. Crappuccino's we're like a better Starbucks.
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GUTFELD: Taking that to shark tank. All right. Kat, a business exist to make money, you are a libertarian, explain why this is bad business.
TIMPF: Well, a lot of people are worried about homeless people setting up shop in the stores, but I am more worried about something which is far more disruptive than that and that is teens. The teens are always looking for free places to hang out and they used to have to go to the mall and walk around, but now they finally have a place for the can sit down.
So, Starbucks are just going to be crowded with all these teens. They are going to be loud. They are going to be rambunctious and they are going to be talking about Justin Bieber, all the tables -- tables are going to be all full, spinning their fidget spinners and you're not able to get to the free bathroom because they are all going to be in there taking selfies.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's terrible.
TIMPF: It's going to be full of teens, but honestly, I don't know what business would ever think it's a good idea to take business away from itself, which is exactly what it did here but it's because they are focusing on political correctness over logic. And when you do that, this happens, stupid things happen.
GUTFELD: All right, Tyrus, the thing I don't like about this is that executives make these decisions, human resource officials, they make these decisions, but it's the employees that bear the brunt of the consequences. They are going to turn their employees into social workers and security guards and then if something goes bad, there is going to be somebody filming it and even if somebody is like upset about a homeless person, they are not going to not say it because they don't want to end up on the internet. My point is it's not fair to the baristas.
MURDOCH: First of all, this does even not solve the initial problem. The problem was one bad employee handled a situation terribly. He was disciplined and gone, "Hey, maybe you shouldn't do this," but instead of doing that, the CEO is like, "I am not racist. I'm so not racist. You know how racist I am, anyone can come in. Anyone can come in. I don't care. You don't have to buy anything because we are not racist. We want to show you we are not racist," but you sound racist if you do that.
Let's be honest, let's be honest. You buy one cup of coffee and work on your novel for three hours at Starbucks is no different than a guy coming in and peeing and going out. It Starbucks.
GUTFELD: Its difference is $4.00.
MURDOCH: Yes, it's like $4.00, so I mean, but they missed the whole point of this. This is just another thing where we've become the victim blanket and everyone -- instead of just saying, "Wow, you know what, that was unfortunate that that happened, we are going to deal with that guy. That's not how Starbucks does business typically and we will fix it." And instead of that, it was "Oh, no, those guys were black, oh damn. You want to come in. It's fine my house is your house and you can date my daughter, you can do whatever you want. Please, please, don't think I am a racist."
GUTFELD: But you know what's funny? The reaction that Tyrus is talking about, Rob is based on what happens on social media. One local event becomes national and so they are like, but it's always the CEO. He is not going to be there on the front line.
O'NEILL: No. it's just odd. I'm so tired of Starbucks getting political, too. I don't call for boycotts, but all I'm done. I am never going to have Starbucks again. I will pick something else, a black cup of coffee or something like that, but it is funny that you could tell liberals run this company because it's like, everyone come in, but only some of you are going to pay.
If you think about it, that's kind of how President Obama did everything.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's an interesting point. You know, Kris, I have a feeling that like in California and New York City, they are going to try to introduce this to all restaurants and then it is just going to be a mess.
FRIED: Yes, probably, but I just -- the whole mission statement of the hipster places, like I hate like fake business-y stuff. The article I read about it was like, you know, when -- we started Starbucks because we're looking for a third place, we want to bring people together and -- you want to make money. That's why you start the business to make money. That's how you know because they are like, no, we are looking for a third place in business and that's what we are excited about, but then the problem is that it's the first and only place for homeless people so then you are in last place in business.
GUTFELD: Exactly, exactly. They fell into a social justice well and they can't get out. There are like you know, when a kitten falls in there and it is meowing. That's Starbucks.
O'NEILL: It's almost like one of those things where you just deflate the argument. It's like, "Hey, this place screwed up. We are sorry." Done. It's like when your wife says, "Honey, we need to talk." You say, "Look, I am an idiot." Let's just leave it at that.
GUTFELD: No, you have to say, "I killed Bin Laden." And she goes, "Okay, you're forgiven." That's what I would do.
O'NEILL: She is so over that.
GUTFELD: Still to come, college commencement speakers are mostly liberal. In other news, I am not tall.
Is a conservative speech out of reach? "Campus Reform" reports that in 2018, liberal commencement speakers outnumber conservatives four to one and that ratio is even more lopsided at the Ivy League level where not a single righty was invited to speak for the third year in a row.
But you know, I get it, it could be hard to find a conservative, especially a heroic one with powerful experience in our turbulent and complicated world, or an articulate conservative who is young enough to identify with the recent grads. I am, or someone with conservative ideas who can also do 200 push-ups.
I sense a theme here. So, is this a problem that grads only hear one kind of opinion from one kind of source. We asked a lamb to comment.
I am glad I didn't see that early in the rehearsal because that made my day. All right, Tyrus, if you are asked to do a commencement speech, would you do it and what would you say?
MURDOCH: Oh, yes, I'd it and I'd be like, re-enroll, stay in school. Don't come out unless you are ready to work. I think that is the reason why conservatives or bottom-line guys, liberals talk about dreams and pretty moments and the world is your treasure chest and it's a bear trap and -- it is not.
I guess they don't want to hear that, but that would be my view, like you get to work. You've got to do your thing, and they don't want to hear that. They want to hear the nice things and the cushy things that their counselors told them about their safe spaces and stuff like that. Nobody wants to hear the real anymore. That's why -- although, any one of those guys up there, I am sure would be a great open, for some other guys, but I think just because this is the climate right now and college campuses have become very liberal and to the point where they are not going to invite the enemy in, what if you learned something? What if you gave them some real information? Like you have to pay your bills, kids. You know -- so they just don't want to hear those things. So, I think that's why there is probably more -- and to be honest, there are more liberals out of political jobs, so there more available to make speeches.
GUTFELD: Kat, do you think commencement addresses matter?
TIMPF: No, because you're supposed to be hung over the day of your college graduation and you are not listening anyway. I just thought it was interesting that both Hillary Clinton and Al Gore gave commencement speeches. What were those speeches about? How to lose and then be delusional about it? I don't understand.
Bring a bunch of losers to give commencement speeches, just bring the Cleveland Browns in there, they can talk to the kids, and teach them how to lose, but yes, this is not new obviously. Every year, the liberal speakers outnumber conservative speakers and it really is a sad thing because there are conservatives that actually do know things.
GUTFELD: Who would you like to hear? Besides you know, me.
TIMPF: I was going to say me. I think I'd do a great job.
GUTFELD: You probably would. Kris, do you like commencement addresses? Do you remember yours?
FRIED: The only thing I remember is my brother had Phylicia Rashad, pre- Cosby stuff, so there weren't any interesting questions.
GUTFELD: No, there wasn't, I am sure.
FRIED: Al Gore -- what he did it in Maryland, right? Which is ironic because, I believe, 11 years ago, he stated that that would be underwater at some point. So, I don't know why he was looking for bookings -- with all the melting going on. Hillary with a hat -- the thing that bothers me with that is that she's just horrible at delivering comedy. I just hate when -- it is not even really a joke. Like the joke to her is just like, "I am referencing something we are talking about."
GUTFELD: Put on the Russian hat.
GUTFELD: She should just put on the Russian hat and then she goes, "This is a Russian hat." It's not them.
FRIED: And not one person was like how much uranium did that cost?
GUTFELD: You know, my opinion on commencement addresses is that the advice they give is terrible. They always tell you, be yourself which is stupid because at that age you are probably a jerk. You don't become a good person until you're about 28. Before that, you are kind of a jerk. I know I was, and then they say follow your dreams. What if your dreams are stupid? Follow your dreams that is why everybody in New York is an unemployed actor. It's terrible.
MURDOCH: That was my point.
FRIED: Can I also say -- is that not cultural appropriation when you're putting on stuff and she walks out there in the Chinese prom dress, that would be cool.
GUTFELD: All right, let's (inaudible) this segment for another time. Still to come, why is today's music so depressing? Three words. Wham broke up.
If today's music is a total bummer compared to when? Phil Collins was a drummer. Turn it off. Researchers at the University of California, Irvine have found that today's pop music is more depressing than it was 30 years ago, specifically 20% more depressing. Back in the '80s, you had groups like Huey Lewis giving us the news, good news, about how the power of love makes the world go round.
Compared to today, when every Adele song is about her ex and how he has moved on and is totally fine without her, that poor guy. Researchers partly blame social media and isolation for the trend and sad music. But I blame this guy.
Oh, god, I love that. All right, Rob, you think music has become more depressing?
O'NEILL: I just thought (inaudible) saying that music is 20% more depressing than it was 30 years, but it's kind of weird for me because life is 30% more depressing that it was 20 years ago, so I don't know, there's a lot of things -- people write about their exes and all that stuff. That's all -- like even Taylor Swift, everything she writes that is a hit is about an ex that did her bad, I mean, almost to a point where she should write a song called, "Maybe, I am the (inaudible) problem."
MURDOCH: Thanks for coming out. Have a good night.
GUTFELD: All right, I have got to believe that. I have a theory, Kat, that after a breakup, you don't listen to angry or aggressive music like Slayer or Judas Priest, you listen to love songs and the songs are designed to trigger someone to come back to you. Right, a love song is basically false advertising to salvage a bad relationship like people who listen to it are generally the ones who were dumped and in their head they're playing like, "Oh, if they could listen to this song, too, they would come back to me." Is that a fair theory?
TIMPF: Whenever I'm dumped, I just listen to Cool and the gang." But I think it's actually great that sad music is more popular because to me, the happy songs are much more upsetting because you listen to them and you're like, "Why don't I feel like that?"
TIMPF: And then you keep listening to it and get more angry like, "Oh, you must never had a real problem you sunshine walking (inaudible)." I like songs about heartbreak and loneliness and death and all that good stuff, it really gets me down to the ground.
GUTFELD: Upbeat. All right, Tyrus.
MURDOCH: Damn it, Greg. The only customer left, so...
GUTFELD: You listen to certain music when you work out?
GUTFELD: The music definitely affects your emotions.
MURDOCH: I listen to ACDC or Ice Cube, yes, that's pretty -- because I am throwing stuff around, yes, but here's a reason why music is more depressing, there's no more life experience, Greg. You used to be -- if you got your heart broke, you could play Lionel Richie because he got his heart broken or he was thrown out and he wrote a song about it and he sang about it and you understood. Now, they don't do that. They just write songs about things that could be that make you feel sad, but I don't really believe Adele had that many boyfrieds.
GUTFELD: Kris? Depressing music. Is this true?
FRIED: Or curse words.
GUTFELD: Go for the depressing music.
FRIED: Everyone is cursing, who else do I get to shoot to say the F-word around here. I've got to say something gross before I start my thing, "Nancy Pelosi," it was...
GUTFELD: I believe any product, Kris, that indulges romance in a tragic posture is bad, like "Romeo and Juliet." Can you imagine how many -- "Romeo and Juliet" ended in suicide and it was romantic. I wonder how many suicides that led to over 400 years?
FRIED: And they were like what? Young. How old were the characters?
GUTFELD: Like we spend so much time talking about the effects of heavy metal. Come on, pop songs. They are evil.
FRIED: The effects of Shakespeare.
GUTFELD: I want to ban Shakespeare.
FRIED: Yes, my only thought was that like, so, you know the 80s, hair bands and that was fun, but then if you look 30 years back for that, I feel like the statistic would still be the same because every song like is twist or whatever, about the stupid songs -- yes, everything was just super fun and (inaudible) you could do, and you could talk about drugs and sex and everything came later, and now, it's just like, "What do we really care about?" We are hating ourselves, and suicide...
GUTFELD: That's an interesting, there is a progression because in the 50s, it was like "At the Hop," "Do the Twist," a whole lot of shaking going on, all of this kind of like happy do stuff and then you got to the hair bands which was just like find the youngest groupie on Sunset Boulevard.
FRIED: Nothing but a good time.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, and now, we are just like...
MURDOCH: I stare my Facebook and write songs about why no one likes me. There you go.
GUTFELD: And sell millions. Don't go anywhere, more stuff coming your way.
Have you ordered my book yet? Go to amazon.com right now. It's all my monologue. It's awesome. If you don't do it now, I will never forgive you. All right, we are running out of show, final thoughts. Tyrus?
MURDOCH: I just like to say thank you, President Trump, for pardoning Jack Johnson. That was a great moment, (inaudible).
GUTFELD: All right, thanks to Rob O'Neill, Kris Fried, Kat, Tyrus and the audience. I am Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.
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