This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," November 10, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: What kind of a question is that?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Just asking. Just curious, but the real question ...
TRUMP: We've got a comedian her. Just sit down please. Sit down, please. Sit down. I did not call you. I did not call you. Well, I'm not a big fan of yours either.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I understand.
TRUMP: To be honest. Should we keep this going for a little while? Excuse me, I'm not responding to you. I am talking to this gentleman. Will you please, sit down. It's such a racist question. Such a hostile media. It is so sad.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It is. Now, that's how you handle hecklers.
Tonight, the election aftermath, distraught over losing the House, conservatives expressed their rage all over the country. Here's tape of the chaos in the streets. It did not end there. Malls and shopping centers became targets of our wrath. Ugly, ugly, ugly. But we didn't stop there. We actually hit the streets to talk to the traumatized.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS: Fox News decision desk in now project that Democrats will take control of the House of Representatives for the first time in eight years dealing a major setback to President Trump's legislative agenda.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yo, bro. [Bleep].
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you really that upset about the midterms?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No man, softball season is right around the corner. We've got to hit the batting cages.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, all right.
BAIER: Democrats control the House, the reason we can make that call, analysis data - looking at the numbers.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Shillue, did you hear about the midterms?
TOM SHILLUE, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST, FOX RADIO: Oh, no but I just curled 50 in a row.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Awesome job, bro.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It is a very, very big deal. I didn't thin ...
KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: I want to dye my hair like black or brown maybe, something new for the fall.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Giving fresh hope to liberals who want to investigate possibly even impeach ...
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We've lost the house.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No, we didn't. It's right, on Ms. Piggy's dressing room. [Bleep] ...
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Muppet Monopoly is the best.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: There you go? So as you can see, we did not hit the streets. In fact, we didn't hit anything. What a comparison to 2016. Two years ago when the Republicans held the House, there was this. And now on Wednesday when we lose there is this.
So true. But get this. There were protests but not from the losing side, but the actual winners. Making them the world's biggest losers at winning. This protest took place on Thursday. They were howling over Trump firing Jeff Sessions. He was attorney general for 636 days in Trump's White House that is a long time. It is 63.5 Scaramucci's. So how desperate and lonely does the liberal have to be to protest the firing of a right winger? I mean, they are sad that Sessions is gone. He's to the right of Genghis Khan. He would give you the electric chair for wearing sandals to work.
I'm pretty sure he hunts vegans on a private island. Nude vegans. So if that's - I don't know why I added that. So if that's what leftists do when they win what would they have done if they had lost?
I really feel bad for Cher. She just got new tear ducts. So it really is a lesson about losing and winning and it's the loss on life's true losers, the left, they can't stand to win. That would mean they couldn't whine. Here's the Chairman of the Democratic Party being told he's won the House, but not the Senate.
You give them the House and they storm yours. You extend a hand in they give you the finger. But for us it's just another day. We actually have lives. You know when I first heard the Dems won, it hurt. I had no choice but to do this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What can I say? I like peanut butter and jelly. So even when we lose, we know we will when the next time, plus we see the bright side everywhere. For example, with the House during blue, Donald Trump really actually has a new friend, a new foil. It's like when the Jeffersons moved next door to Archie Bunker. A lot of people don't remember that, and isn't it more fun to play tennis against another person and not a garage door even if that person is Nancy Pelosi? All right. Maybe not.
More good news. Three leaders of the Kavanaugh witch trials got booted. That's a great message. The message put fairness behind self- righteousness, suspend due process and you're out on your cowardly ass. I hope there next job is serving beer. I love beer.
Finally, the other silver lining, the most beloved progressive of all lost. Beto. The media called Beto Kennedy-esque and they were not referring to his driving. He was a rock star without the herpes. I'm glad he lost if only to drive his celebrity fans who never heard of him until a few months ago nuts. See this mysterious space object. Harvard researchers believe it might be an alien spacecraft. No, that's Beto leaving for his home planet.
With Beto, when you see that kind of hype, you knew there's less there than meets the eye. When the media and celebrities join together over a candidate, you know he or she is going to be to the left of anyone with a pulse - or Madonna. Compare that to - oh, I insult Madonna and you are like - geez Louise. Compare that to Trump, he got the most media attention of anyone and it was free but mostly negative which proves if the media tells you one thing, you'll always do the other. No one hyped Trump as the next great thing. Hardly, the media turned circus promoters and wall-to-wall clowned him and that clown wiped the floor with Hillary's e-mails.
So maybe there the lesson here for Dems? Trump won because for all of his faults, he was real. The Dems current crop of candidates for 2020 aren't. They are like pool toys -- worthless -- just waiting to be inflated. But maybe they will figure it out. My suggestion, go for the exciting voices of your party. Or maybe this, or perhaps this. Hamster as VP? Why not? We almost had Tim Kaine.
Let's welcome tonight's guests. He is so sharp - he is so sharp he can poke holes in water, that's TV writer and producer Rob Long. First-time guest, he's a patriotic, he once dated the statue of liberty, author of "Spygate: The Attempted Sabotage of Donald J. Trump," former Secret Service agent, Dan Bongino.
She is so bright you can see her thoughts from space, national security analyst Morgan Ortagus. And unlike the Democrats, he could literally flip a house. Former WWE superstar and my massive sidekick, Tyrus.
All right, Rob. Give me your take on this week on the outcome.
ROB LONG, TV WRITER AND PRODUCER: The outcome was kind of what - what's amazing was, what we expected. The red states voted red and the Democrats turned the House but look, Clinton, Bush, Obama and now Trump, they've all had this happen. This is not - everyone acts like this big freaky thing, but it's actually the way American politics has been for 30 years.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.
LONG: They say, well, this is a historic night, and then they cut to Nancy Pelosi. We've seen her already. Like, this is - nothing is new here. I've seen this movie and I kind of also know how this movie ends. It's kind of in tears.
GUTFELD: It does, it does. And Nancy Pelosi, she is like Bobby Ewing. You know, all of a sudden, she's in the shower. It was just a dream. She's back.
LONG: Yes, right.
MORGAN ORTAGUS, NATIONAL SECURITY ANALYST, FOX NEWS: Who is Bobby Ewing.
GUTFELD: Oh stop it. Bobby Ewing is from Dallas. I can't make references anymore.
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FORMER WWE SUPERSTAR: All right, listen, I watch "Nick at Night" I get it, Bobby was the more attractive of the Ewing brothers, right?
GUTFELD: Yes, he's the younger one who died and then they brought him back. We're getting off track here, Dan, welcome to the show. Dan, Democrats are - are they the worst losers and the worst winners in history?
DAN BONGINO, FORMER SECRET SERVICE AGENT: Yes, and what is really horrible Bout this. I mean, listen the split decision, everything was great for like talking heads like me. Great for business. It was awesome. But the reality is, it was horrible for America because there is no clear front runner for 2020 that emerged, so we are going to have to deal with this nonsense and the fact that nobody kicked the other party's ass in this thing, it's the fact that now everybody on both sides has to make the case.
So for the next two years, it is going to be like, "No, we won because you want the Senate and the governorships, and then now we won ..." it's like you'd like definitive outcome just to shut up for a little while, but it's great for business.
GUTFELD: I know, you're right, in fact ambiguity is awesome because we can sit here and scream about it forever, Morgan, what did you make of it?
ORTEGUS: I'm just really happy that Florida screwed up again. I mean, like where would we be if weren't dealing with another full recount?
GUTFELD: It is like your crazy cousin that shows up at Thanksgiving and decides to ride the lawnmower into the lake.
ORTEGUS: I'm from Florida and I rode a three-wheeler into the lake once as a kid, so like maybe this all makes sense.
GUTFELD: Yes, it does. It does. So you understand.
ORTEGUS: I totally.
GUTFELD: You know what you are? You're the Florida whisperer. I don't even know what that means, but it sounds right, Tyrus.
BONGINO: It's only those counties though. The rest of the state is fine, what is with Palm Beach?
GUTFELD: No, it's just two counties. Tyrus, thoughts?
MURDOCH: Everybody got what they wanted. Everyone is still upset. So, we're just a bunch of spoiled kids, you know.
GUTFELD: What did you make of the midterm outcome?
MURDOCH: I just said that. Everyone got what they wanted and they still complain. I can't deal with you.
GUTFELD: They are like kids. They are like kids that got exactly what they wanted for Christmas but in the wrong color.
LONG: Yes, but also notice that the Democrats were mad that Trump seemed to be celebrating. They were mad that he was happy. Like, you're not supposed to be happy - really great, there's a great Freudian analyst, Dr. Banderson would say, "This is exactly what the problem with happiness is, you can't be happy if someone else is happy." Like, why can't they just all celebrate?
MURDOCH: But it's a mind game. It's amazing like, he comes out, "Good job, guys." We're like, "No, you're supposed to cry."
GUTFELD: Exactly.
MURDOCH: He Darth Vadered them like, Luke got away and he just walked back ...
GUTFELD: And then he did a history of how great it was compared to previous elections, which is - he had that already planned. All right, we've got to move. Up next, what are we talking about CNN's Jim Acosta now? The guy gets more airtime than pollen.
He was told to take a hike for not giving up the mic. The White House suspended the credentials of CNN's Jim Acosta after this went down.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JIM ACOSTA, REPORTER, CNN: If I may ask one other question ...
TRUMP: That's enough.
ACOSTA: Mr. President, if I may ask one other question, are you worried ...
TRUMP: Peter, go ahead. That's enough. That's enough.
ACOSTA: Mr. President, I was going to ask one other ...
TRUMP: That's enough.
ACOSTA: ... the other folks - pardon me ma'am, Mr. President.
TRUMP: That's enough. I'll tell you what, CNN should be ashamed of itself having you working for them. You are a rude, terrible person and you shouldn't be working for CNN.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: They are applauding him and he can't even hear. That's how they feel. So Acosta, after all of that, the White House suspends his credentials. They said his behavior was unacceptable.
Now you could agree that Trump was not much better, but Acosta did poke the bear on purpose and he wasn't some press hero in there risking life and limb. He was a ball hog who wouldn't let other reporters ask questions after he had a ton and when those reporters finally did get to ask questions, guess what? Trump gave it to them like he did to Acosta. But do you know who else Trump gave it to? Republican candidates who lost. I wonder, did they want Trump's embrace?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: Peter Roskam did not want to be embraced. Eric Paulsen did not want the embrace. Bob Hugin, Barbra Comstock was another one. Mia Love gave me no love and she lost. Too bad. Sorry about that, Mia.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Sorry about that, Mia. Oh my goodness, so Trump is an equal opportunity combatant. It's not you, Acosta, it is everyone. So relax and get yourself some healing crystals. They are very powerful. Right, Felix?
You know he's a Republican. All right, Dan, journalists aren't supposed to be part of the story but as you said on "The Five" yesterday Acosta always is.
BONGINO: Acosta - the only breaking news story with Acosta are about Acosta. He never breaks the national news, but the best part of that clip is Peter Alexander next trying to defend him and Trump goes, "Yes, I'm not a big fan of you, either." Here's what the media constantly screws up with Trump. I'm a Queens kids. I grew up in Queens, right? We don't have the money of the Manhattan kids, right? So we don't have prestige, but we're never assumed to be tough like the Brooklyn and Bronx kids. So Trump's a Queens kid. You always have to like everything is big and hyperbolic and everything is tremendous and huge, the media just will never get this guy, but if anyone in this audience is from Queens, you know exactly what I'm talking about. That is Donald Trump.
GUTFELD: Morgan, apparently we have a lot of people from Queens in our audience. Do you think that banning Acosta was a good idea? They did not really ban him, they just took and yanked a card pass.
ORTEGUS: I don't feel bad for Acosta but I'll tell you who I feel bad in this scenario, that poor intern. I mean, poor girl. It's like you're in college, you're so excited, you get to go to the White House and be an intern and now she's a viral internet.
GUTFELD: But you can look at it this way, that's the intern story under Trump. There was some other - never mind. I'm going to go to a different microphone joke later.
ORTEGUS: But the other people that I feel really bad for, I used to be a press secretary for candidates when they were running for the Senate and Congress and as a press secretary, whenever your candidate or whenever the elected official gets up there, you always sort of - even if they're really good, you always sort of just hold your breath and so I can't imagine like Bill Shine and Sarah Sanders, they may just sit there with like a fifth of whisky. After the press conference, they're like, "What's up Mr. President?"
GUTFELD: I do feel uncomfortable, Tyrus, when I'm watching it. I'm nervous when it's going on, but then it always ends up being kind of fun.
MURDOCH: Yes, well, I'm from a wrestling background. I'm all about the promo in each other's face like talking trash or whatever. Acosta is just not very good at the comeback. He needs to take a class on throwing some disses. But he just doesn't do it. He likes playing like the victim. I'm surprised he did not fall down when she grabbed the mic, like "Oh my god, help. Mr. President, get her off me."
GUTFELD: ... European soccer player.
MURDOCH: Yes, you know, at least, the intern, she needs to learn how to take a microphone away. You know what I am saying? Just snatch it. You know what I am saying, you just take it, and you walk off with him still hanging on. I've had that in a club where a guy, improv goes wrong. Let's go, sir. You just take the mic and he kind of goes with you. It was a lot of this. Just snatch that thing.
ORTEGUS: But the physical difference between her and you though.
MURDOCH: Confidence is confidence. Just snatch that thing.
ORTEGUS: All right.
MURDOCH: I've got a four-year-old. What? Remote? Because she's confident. What? Be confident. Take the mic.
LONG: I don't know, but in her defense, it is the most dangerous place to be between two egomaniacs and one microphone. It's like being next to two angry chimps with one banana. It's like - she's not getting paid enough for that.
GUTFELD: It's so true.
MURDOCH: She is in the lion's den. She could have lost a finger.
GUTFELD: Should we end there on ...
LONG: But you're going to laugh, that's how it works.
GUTFELD: I was going to ask you - but I don't - this is not an attack on the press, but the guy spoke for 90 minutes. He answered every question. He is the most transparent politician ever.
LONG: And you could tell by the people defending him, his colleague said look, he's not my cup of tea. We're not friends, but he is universally loathed. They all hate him.
GUTFELD: Oh, Acosta, yes.
LONG: Acosta, they all hate that guy. They're having to do exactly what a lot of people do who say that Trump, "Listen, not my guy, but on the other hand," and so they are perfectly matched those two. After he's out of office they could go do a show.
GUTFELD: That would be lovely.
BONGINO: Greg, he goes out the next morning, Trump is enemy of the press, and it takes another 30 minutes of questions right outside of lawn ...
GUTFELD: I know, with the helicopter in the background. Drives me crazy. All right. That's why I sold mine. It's the election story that no one covered until now. We'll make that three minutes from now. And don't forget, I'll be doing two live shows next month called "The Gutfeld Monologues Live," I better figure out what I'm saying, in Grand Rapids, Michigan and San Antonio, Texas. Plus a special guest, Mr. Tom Shillue. Tickets for both shows are still available, but not much, go to ggutfeld.com for info.
EBONI K. WILLIAMS, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: This is a Fox News alert. I'm Ebony K. Williams. Three massive wildfires are raging across California killing at least 25 people; 23 people died in the so-called campfire in Paradise and dozens are still missing. The flames have devastated the Northern California town with about 90% of the homes destroyed. The blaze is 20% contained, two people died from the Southern California wildfires as well.
Thousand Oaks already reeling from a deadly shooting rampage is also in the line of the deadly flames. An autopsy found the gunman died of a self- inflicted gunshot. Investigators say 28-year-old David Long killed 12 people at a country music bar before turning the gun on himself. Authorities are still searching for motive. The former Marine may have targeting an ex-girlfriend.
I'm Eboni K. Williams and now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."
GUTFELD: He may be dead, but he is still ahead. You may remember a guy named Dennis Hoff. He ran the Moonlight Bunny Ranch - it's a brothel in Nevada. I don't know what a brothel is. HBO gave it a reality show or so they tell me. I've never heard of the guy or the show actually.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You could see episodes this Thursday and Friday night on HBO2 East and HBO2 West if you have dish or you can always get it on demand. Joining us down in the newsroom are the Moonlight Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hoff and one of his lovely bunnies, Brooke Taylor.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: In my defense, I thought he raised actual bunnies. Anyway, on Tuesday, Dennis Hoff won a seat in the Nevada legislature as a Republican. Landslide, 70% of the vote; even though and here is where it gets interesting, Dennis Hoff died last month after a weekend of partying with his 72nd birthday and by partying I mean sleeping with hookers. Apparently his turgid torso was discovered by has been porn star Ron Jeremy, I never heard of him either.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And Ron Jeremy, porn star legend. He screwed more people than the IRS. Well, almost.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: [Bleep]. Who keeps finding these clips? So now, Republicans have to pick someone else to fill the Dennis Hoff seat. I know who I'd pick.
Still upset. Morgan, I am a libertarian, I sometimes am anyway. I sometimes wish more dead people would be elected to office because there would be less damage being done.
ORTEGUS: Yes, but you know what I loved about this is because he's a brothel owner when he died he literally went out with a bang. But wait, we're making fun of him, but he is a serious author and I don't know if you know this. First, there was "The Art of War," and then there was the "Art of the Deal" and now, there's, "The Art of the Pimp." That's his book.
GUTFELD: That is true. He had a great sense of humor. He had done the show a couple of times on Redeye and I do think, Rob, running a brothel is like being a politician. Either way, you are screwing someone with their money.
LONG; Yes, right, and you are all lying about your age, too, yes. Look, I mean, but the most surprising thing about the clips were like, those were ten years ago. You look pretty good. I've got to say, you got some work done?
GUTFELD: No, I lost a lot of weight. I was a fat drunk when we filmed those.
LONG: Well now, you look good, I can say. You look good.
GUTFELD: Now, I'm a skinny drunk.
LONG: The truth about these things is that, what it reveals is that voters don't really care or know, but that wasn't people were voting him because they love him. They were voting for him because they were, "Like yes, that guy is fine." They don't really - people are busy. They don't really keep up with it especially in Nevada where God knows what is going on.
GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, do you think they should pull a weekend at Bernie's and like have two people prop them up and carry them from ...
MURDOCH: They need two people to prop them up just to get through the party?
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
MURDOCH: My concern would be for the person he ran against. It's one thing to lose, but to lose it to a dead pimp, I've got to be honest. I'm going to need to talk to Dr. Drew when it's over. Why don't they like me? A pimp.
GUTFELD: Yes, but he was successful. He was a successful entrepreneur, Dan --
LONG: It is legal.
MURDOCH: The way he makes money makes no difference to me - said that godfather. But I get it. He's a secretary. He handles money. He negotiates. He moves around and manipulates. There's a little politicking in there, but he's a pimp.
GUTFELD: Yes, not anymore.
MURDOCH: He lost to a pimp.
GUTFELD: I know. I know ...
MURDOCH: In a small town. That means, everywhere she goes. She's getting groceries, "Mom, it's the lady who lost to the pimp."
GUTFELD: The dead pimp, Dan, it's plausible but a dead Republican is way more competent than a live Democrat. Cheap joke. A cheap ,cheap joke. Sorry.
BONGINO: It kind of remind me of every time you see these people on TV, like, you've got to do something and I'm like, no, just stop doing. Just doing. Like, every time you do something, these politicians screw us over, but listen, I ran for office three times and lost. I got smoked bad twice and we almost pulled one off and I can tell you right now, if you're even thinking about running, name ID is everything. It's serious. If they recognize this guy's name and it didn't even matter if he was alive.
I mean, think about this race in Florida. I'm telling you. I was in the gym, true story, and a guy says to me, who's the other guy running for senate and I go, "Bill Nelson." He goes, "Nelson, isn't that the guy for the cornhusker kickback," and I said, "Brother, we're in Florida." He was thinking of Ben Nelson, the Senator from Nebraska. He did not even know. It's all name ID.
GUTFELD: Yes, and I don't even know those Nelsons, although I know the Band Nelson, remember, they were the sons of Ricky Nelson?
LONG: They were bad.
GUTFELD: What was the song? "Can't live without your love and affection."
BONGINO: They had blonde ponytails, right? Was it the blond ponytails?
GUTFELD: Yes, they had blond hair. They had soaring harmonies.
BONGINO: It was bad.
GUTFELD: Yes, I should go to the tease, right?
BONGINO: Stay on music.
GUTFELD: Before I make people sick.
LONG: Enter 2018 ...
GUTFELD: I'm back to 2018. All right, up next, he's a senior citizen suing to change his age because he feels 45. We discuss why the planet is going to hell, next.
You can change your race and gender aplenty, so why not slash or age by 20? His name is Emil Rattleband. He is 69 years old and he is suing to legally knock 20 years off his age. And he gives a whole lot of reasons why. His doctors tell him, he is biologically 45. He suffers from age discrimination. No job offers and also no dates.
He quotes, "When I'm on Tinder and it says I'm 69, I don't get an answer but when I'm 49 with the face I have, I'll be in a luxurious position." A local court is expected to make a ruling in a few weeks. But given that Rachel Dolezal, remember her, a white lady who claims she's black, why can't an old man declare himself young or how about the opposite? For more we go to Brad Von Bradley, a 24 -year-old who now self-identifies as an 88 -year-old man. Brad, how are you?
BRAD VON BRADLEY: Good, but my hip is killing me, Greg.
GUTFELD: Brad, you seem like a perfectly healthy young man.
VON BRADLEY: Well, when you get to be my age, Greg, things are falling apart on you.
GUTFELD: Brad, that does not make sense because you're actually 24.
VON BRADLEY: How dare you, if I identify as an 88-year-old, then that is who I am.
GUTFELD: Why are you doing this?
VON BRADLEY: The perks are off the charts, man. You've got early bird specials, movie matinees are cheaper and you can nap any time anywhere and here is the best part. I can beat the crap out of anyone my age. I just won three gold at the Senior Olympics.
GUTFELD: That is actually not fair. You are a big, strong, 24-year-old man.
VON BRADLEY: No, no Greg. I'm a frail 88-year-old man.
GUTFELD: That seems like cheating. You're entering the Senior Olympics at your age. When were you born?
VON BRADLEY: 1930.
GUTFELD: No, your actual birth certificate says you were born in 1994.
VON BRADLEY: Yes, you know, I've been meaning to change that.
GUTFELD: So is this all about you winning the Senior Olympics?
VON BRADLEY: Well, okay, you got me, Greg. All right ...
GUTFELD: What are you doing now with poisonous scorpion?
VON BRADLEY: I've had a good run, man. It's time to die.
GUTFELD: Once again we lose Brad. A kind of a somber ending there. Tyrus - well, thoughts?
MURDOCH: You are seriously going to me after that?
GUTFELD: No, but you know what it is. People are lying about who they are. Why can't he lie about his age?
MURDOCH: Here's the best - he can lie about his age. Women have been doing it forever. You know what? This is the last few years, we've been the bad guys. Men this, men that. He's trying to do what you all have been doing forever. You guys, fake eyelashes, extensions, Brazilian butt lifts, breast jobs. You guys have been lying to us for centuries and then we have children and they don't quite like mom because mom lied to you.
So, oh, I'm lying. I'm sorry, I'm just being real, America. You know you guys are wrong, but straight up, he's messing this all up. First of all, we know he's an old guy trying to be young now, so don't put it in the media when you're trying to secretly change your age to get chicks.
Bro, move to beautiful Southern California, Hollywood area, get a nice car and you can get all the young gold digging girls you can, internet models and social media stars. You can go like 0-they will just flow to you like water in a river, man. They'll just be all around you and you can be older. You can be 85 with a gold watch and you've got a Benz, you're going to get a girl.
GUTFELD: That is nice news. What do you think, Rob?
LONG: Well, I don't think that age is his problem. I think he just needs to lie about how much money he has. That usually is the subtle - that's why these short old fat guys are always standing in front of their $90,000.00 car, but that's how you ...
GUTFELD: You mean, you're talking about the one I rented for the weekened.
LONG; Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: You now, Dan, I think --
LONG: I drive a Subaru.
GUTFELD: Yes, you drive a Subaru, that means you're really rich.
LONG: I drive a Subaru, I'm very happy with it.
GUTFELD: Yes, Dan, I think this is the ultimate conclusion of science denial on the left, right? If you could deny your own skin color like Rachel Dolezal, why can't you deny your age?
BONGINO: No, you're right, Greg. But there's a real tactical purpose in this on the left. They want to wipe out any objective truth. The reason is that subjective truth then becomes the interpretation of the government bureaucrats. There is a tactical reason here, but think about the logical end to this, right? We've talked about it from the 69 -year-old saying he's 45, but how dangerous would this be for bars? Sixteen year old walks in, "Hey, I'm emotionally mature. I feel 21." Can he sue? I mean, this is the kind of stupid stuff - but you know what, that may sound like a dumb question now, in 10 years, someone will be arguing ...
GUTFELD: No, people, Morgan there are humans who now identify as animals. I actually - well, I know a few.
ORTEGUS: Greg, keep your weekend activities to yourself. I think when I read this article I felt, we've peak humanity. This one of those articles I read and I think bring on the robots. You know what I mean? I saw this and I feel this is really like - this should worry all of us since we run our mouths on television for a living, and China they have an AI robot that is reading the news and I thought dear God, if they make one with these legs, I'm out of business.
GUTFELD: No, I did more research, it turned out it was actually Anderson Cooper. Up next, speaking of, who is the sexiest man alive? If it is not Bill Hemmer, I am out of here.
This week in "People Magazine" announced the winner of its annual sexiest man alive and once again, I turned it down. Frankly, it is sexist. I want to be known for my work and not my ass. The winner is British actor Idris Elba, the latest issue includes over a hundred of the most gorgeous men from around the globe. I didn't look at it at all.
But one I did notice, so few people in media are on these kinds of lists. That is not fair. So we put together the definitive ranking of the news hunkiest heavy hitters. First off, Brian Stelter. Yes, is bald, beautiful and bold. Chuck Todd, sexy, sleepy eyes. Finally, Lou Dobbs. He is so fine - chancing, wow. I'm even ashamed of that. You know, I'll have to ask you, Morgan, they don't do sexiest women alive anymore. I think that's sexist, right, because they feel that that would be sexist to women.
ORTEGUS: Well, we have the Ms. America pageant and then we took out the swimsuit, which I'm totally against, by the way. I competed it in it and we should still have the swimsuit competition.
GUTFELD: Did you compete?
ORTEGUS: I was a runner up in Florida, fifteen years ago and 21 pounds ago, but yes, I was there. I know. Thanks, everyone - oh.
GUTFELD: Well, you look a lot better?
ORTEGUS: I think Idris Elba, he is a very good looking man.
GUTFELD: Yes, he is. Hey, I'm confident in my manhood to say he is a handsome, gorgeous man. Incredibly ripped and those eyes.
MURDOCH: Move on, Greg.
GUTFELD: Sorry ...
LONG: You need a moment? It's your show. Take your time.
GUTFELD: What bothers me, Rob is they limit it to people who are alive. Sexiest men alive, Dennis Hoff? Why not Dennis Hoff?
LONG: Well, I mean ...
ORTEGUS: Is he dead?
LONG: I think it's what they look like right now. I'm not sure Dennis Hoff right now ...
GUTFELD: Okay, okay. What do you make of this?
LONG: Look, what's interesting, in my little Twitter feed, I have with the left wing Twitter people that I follow and one was outraged and maybe next year somebody a little less overtly masculine for the sexiest man alive.
BONGINO: You know, it's a tough one because, you know, it's Idris, right, he's a good-looking guy but what he brings to the table here, let's think about this tactically. You're either one of two boxes. You're either the suave looking dude like Roger Moore or you're like the rough neck Clint Eastwood on "Forgiven," but Idris can kind of go either way which is very few people can pull that off. See, I'm not suave look, this is not as sophisticated face. My face is like a cinderblock. I've got scars everywhere but I can pull off the roughneck and my wife likes it.
GUTFELD: I think you'd be a great movie villain.
BONGINO: You think so? This is first the spot show I've ever smiled on. I've always got a scowl.
GUTFELD: Usually when you're on other shows, so you're always in a room so you always look like you're ready to strangle somebody.
BONGINO: I am. That's not an act.
GUTFELD: It's not an act. I'm scared of him. All rlight, Tyrus, what did you make of this choice, does it bother you?
MURDOCH: I'm just going to wait for the Sexiest Male Alive Plus Size model edition. I think I've got a shot at that one. Maybe it is just me, but I've never been in love with being called sexy anyway. So it is literally written for whoever reads "People Magazine" and I am not one of them, but like I feel like we've gone to the point where somehow, that's a statement like you have made it. Like, if you're sexy and look it, we all look so much different in the world, like who is sexy and who is not? It's another dumb thing that I walk past when I am shopping with my egg whites and meat.
GUTFELD: It's so true. It's like, I mean, I think it's time - going back to the other block to include animals. What's the sexiest animal? It's so typical of people --
MURDOCH: Sorry, no ...
GUTFELD: Let me finish.
MURDOCH: No, I'm not letting you finish because I'm a part of this conversation, so you need to ask somebody else a question and then you can segue into it. I've got kids and I have people to answer to outside of this, so you do your little animal sexy thing and ask one of them.
GUTFELD: I'm just saying have you seen --
MURDOCH: No, I haven't.
GUTFELD: Rob, have you seen a properly groomed alpaca?
ROB: I will leave it there.
GUTFELD: Do I need to say anything else?
LONG: Sometimes, I go to the zoo and I'm like, look at the ass on that lion.
MURDOCH: Thank you so much for coming out ladies and gentlemen, this has been "The Greg Gutfeld Show." Good night.
GUTFELD: It might be your last one. All right, final thoughts next.
All right, before we go, I want to tell you about Fox Nation. It's the new premium subscription services and it launches, November 27th. You can get daily life opinion shows on demand and that includes Tyrus who has his own show with Brit McHenry. And also, I have a show, which I believe is called one smart man, or no, One Smart Person and Greg Gutfeld, isn't that cute? Dana has got a show. Everybody has got a show. Everybody has got a show. And if you become a founding member now you'll get exclusive merchandise that's only available until November 27th, so sign up now at foxnation.com. Thank you, Rob Long, you were fantastic. Dan Bongino, awesome. Morgan Ortegus. Tyrus, our studio audience. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
Content and Programming Copyright 2018 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2018 CQ-Roll Call, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of CQ-Roll Call. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.
Get all the stories you need-to-know from the most powerful name in news delivered first thing every morning to your inbox