What an orderly debate!

What's up with Tim Kaine anyway? Is his middle name "co"? Hat tip to Howard Dean!

Now if you want to see who lost the debate, find out who's whining most about it. But last night was different: Pence clearly won, despite moderator bias.

Elaine Quijano lost control, which happens when you only corral one cat and that one cat is more amped than Pete Townsend's Gibson.

The debate turned into an airline counter after the flights are canceled. And there's that one guy, Johnny Eyebrows, mugging his elastic face to get the attention of the ticket agent. The debate was hard to follow: Abrupt right turns, left turns, heavy braking -- it was like watching a squirrel take a driving test.

Still, Pence rose above like a tugboat among churn. He turned into a fifth, animatronic head destined for Mt. Rushmore: stony but stoic.

Pence looked like a president. Kaine looked like your band teacher.

So, oddly enough, the chaos helped Pence. For his reactions reflect a truth lost in the chaos of 2016: Experience doesn't just mean establishment. It also can mean cool competence.

Last, the debate contrasted two belief systems. If a Martian saw those men last night, how could it not guess which one is conservative? It's the one who conserves. The calm leader gently swatting away a caustic fly.

And, you have to admit, Pence has great eyesight.