This is a rush transcript from "The Five," July 23, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, THE FIVE CO-HOST: Hi, I'm Greg Gutfeld with Katie Pavlich, Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, and a peanut shell is her bike helmet, Dana Perino. 'The Five.'
Last night, President Trump tweeted a reminder to Iran not to mess with us. It was in all caps. Showing the world that he's not afraid to go all caps. What's next? If you listen to the media, it has to be war. Fact is, Trump was just responding to the Iranian president who warned us about a mother of all wars. Remember the last guy who said that? Yet, predictably, the media freaks out, forgetting that whole North Korea thing which followed the same pattern. So forgive me I, unlike CNN, I'm not pulling my hair out. So, I'll take a war of words over a war of worlds. Now, the media claims this tweet is a distraction from last week's summit. Yet, how did that summit hurt Trump? For all the media shaming he's at 45 percent approval, that's his highest so far. And we're happier with the country's direction than any time in the last eight years. This confuses the media, as they keep saying that Trump is the worst thing to ever happen since 'The View.' Maybe because they've cried wolf so many times, even Blitzer ignores it.
It's the gulf between what the media wants to matter and what actually matters. According to Gallup, in terms of importance to voters, the Russia collusion story rated so small it can barely be measured, it's under 1 percent. To Americans, Jesse's new haircut mattered more, and it's not even a good haircut. Look at it. Look at it. It's bad, very bad. Anyway, now the media will say that the tweet means we're all doomed. Not really, it's the mullahs who should be nervous. Meanwhile, on CNN, it's part 200 of the collusion follies. On MSNBC, a primetime end of the world special. On ABC, deep political analysis with Joy. NBC, Lester Holt. And on CBS, some guy. My advice, keep it here.
All right, Dana, we're seeing an evolution in tweeting, all caps. Thumbs up or thumbs down?
DANA PERINO, THE FIVE CO-HOST: It didn't start as all caps with a crescendo.
PERINO: All caps, like he really means it.
PERINO: One thing I thought -- I thought back to -- was in April of 2009, I think is when the green revolution happened in Iran, that's when the people rose up.
PERINO: They wanted help from the United States. They did not get it. And so, here we are in 2018. Not that help could have definitely changed things, but they needed more help than they deserved. But I remember at the time that was really started by twitter.
PERINO: And people on the ground we're doing -- and the mullahs had no idea what twitter was. And, boy, have things changed because now they're actually having tweet wars with the president, which actually can actually build friendships because we've started out that way.
GUTFELD: That's exactly how it starts.
PERINO: You remember.
GUTFELD: You and me?
PERINO: Yes, we had a Twitter war.
PERINO: And I won it. The other thing is, I'm happy to have the United States and the world talk about Iran for a week.
PERINO: Because we've talked about Russia a ton. We've talked about North Korea a ton. Meanwhile, Iran does a lot of bad things all around the world and I think that the time to call them out on it. I think the other reason they're doing this is that the snapback sanctions happen in two weeks and so the mullahs are about to feel the squeeze.
GUTFELD: The mullahs are worried. All right, Juan, this is just a Deja tweet. You know, this is exactly how he began with the fire and fury with North Korea, and the next thing you know, Kim Jong Un is his best pal.
JUAN WILLIAMS, THE FIVE CO-HOST: Yeah, that's still -- apparently, he's very irritated that nothing has come of that.
WILLIAMS: Of those talks with Kim Jong Un.
WILLIAMS: But I will say this, to me, I'm still struck by the idea he is still among, even though his numbers bumped up in the Wall Street Journal poll to 45 percent as you've pointed out, still among the lowest of all modern presidents in terms of approval. And I think that when we think about Helsinki and Putin, it's because the Republican base is like a cult with Donald Trump. They just don't budge. They don't care. It doesn't matter to them. I was struck by the whole media. See, I see you and Dana saying, oh, it's good, we need to talk about Iran, they're doing this, and I think to myself, I think Donald Trump is out foxing everybody because what he's doing is saying let's talk about NFL players, let's talk about.
PERINO: But we're not. We're talking about Iran.
WILLIAMS: No, let's talk about Iran. Let's talk about the Federal Reserve raising interest rates. Let's talk about that the FBI.
PERINO: Or Iran.
WILLIAMS: Breaks in to Cohen's office. Let's talk about tariffs on China. Let's talk about anything.
GUTFELD: Nobody talked about that. He talks about that anyway. I don't think he cares. Also don't think he thinks Helsinki was that big of a deal, like most of America, Jesse. Most of America is more interested with your strange haircut.
JESSE WATTERS, THE FIVE CO-HOST: You know, my mother told me to stop talking about my hair. Told me there's more of that insult, Greg.
WATTERS: I will say this though, the same Democrats upset with Donald Trump for tweeting all in caps sent Iran billions in all cash, Juan.
WATTERS: I'm looking at you.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you what I think about that.
WATTERS: And the caps, it's like -- was it Teddy Roosevelt speaks softly, carry a big stick, speaks loudly and carries a big stick, and that's fine. I think what he's trying to do is say we're going to respond when you're going to talk trash. He's an ultimate thrash talker. And Iran is Putin's puppet, and he's rhetorically blasting Iran and he's actually bombing their other puppet Syria.
WATTERS: So how is he in cahoots with the Russians? It makes no sense.
GUTFELD: This has to do with Russia, in a way -- and with Syria.
KATIE PAVLICH, THE FIVE CO-HOST: It has to do with the Middle East, as a whole. It has to do with foreign policy.
PERINO: And Afghanistan.
PAVLICH: And Afghanistan. You know, there's now this restructuring going on in the Middle East when it comes to everybody, essentially, becoming allies in a little bit of a way to go against Iran. And when you look at - - you know, what is being reported, as Juan just tried to distract back to you with all these other topics that we're not discussing right now, there are very serious things going on in Iran, although we can focused on other topics on the surface level with the media in the United States. There are very serious consequences to what could happen there. Inflation is 159 percent in that country. A third of the Iranian youth are unemployed. And the Iranian regime now is facing the consequences of using all the money they've been getting from the United States, from the Europeans, and they're spending it on terrorism, and the people there have been protesting for years now because they know that. And if you look at the speech Secretary Pompeo gave at the Reagan Library, it is very clear that they're not saying we want regime change, but base on the language standing with the people, talking about maybe putting more sanctions on, threatening back when Iran, by the way, threatens us first, and dealing with the problem that quite frankly President Obama did not handle very well.
PERINO: I think the venue of the speech was important too.
GUTFELD: The Reagan Library.
PERINO: The Reagan Library.
GUTFELD: I'll be there in a few weeks.
PERINO: Done on purpose. I mean, yours will be as impactful.
GUTFELD: By the way, you know I have to point out that the Iranian guy also said what's possible is the mother of all peace. Do you think?
PERINO: I absolutely believe that President Trump will say why don't we just meet?
GUTFELD: Yeah, yeah.
PERINO: OK. And then imagine when the Republicans lost their minds, and Obama was like maybe I should talk to them. Don't you dare do that?
GUTFELD: Didn't he try to meet them before already.
PERINO: Yeah, I think there was like letters.
GUTFELD: Yeah, a lot of letters. I want to play a sound on tape from a network, C -- is it CNN?
GUTFELD: Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're still around. They're hanging by a thread, though. It's about their wag the dog scenario. This is actually a distraction. Roll it, please.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ALISYN CAMEROTA, CNN: I don't want to go full wag the dog. But, I mean, we know that the president's strategy.
CAMEROTA: The president's strategy, he's implored it over and over. We would be foolish not to absorb it and recognize it. When he's embarrassed, as he was last week, he always refers to traction.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I don't buy this because he wasn't embarrassed.
WATTERS: That's the worst wag the dog ever. I mean, Helsinki happened a week ago, and he's been doubling down on Helsinki for a week.
GUTFELD: He ordered up another summit.
WATTERS: I know. He should have done this last week if he really wants to do this. It's also rich talking about wagging the dog with Democrats. I think it was Bill Clinton who bombed an aspirin factory during the Lewinski testimony. So, I think they know a little bit about wagging the dog.
WILLIAMS: Oh, so in other words, you're not denying that that's exactly what he's doing?
WATTERS: No, if he had wagged it, it would have been a week ago.
PERINO: I actually think that all is in the lead up to these sanctions that are going to go back into place on August 6th, which is only like 12 days away. I think that it's the lead up to that so that people aren't surprised by -- when the president said we're snapping back these sanctions.
WILLIAMS: The big snapback to my mind is when he says on -- you know he was walking back last week, the end of last week, oh, you know, I didn't mean to say that the Russians weren't responsible for the interference. Sunday night he says, this whole thing is a hoax.
PERINO: Now they've explained that -- they actually -- when he says hoax. Sarah Sanders said today what he means is that the accusation of collusion, like that's the hoax.
WILLIAMS: Oh, please. You know what I mean, it's always like something -- but he just keeps shifting it. And, for some reason, it satisfies the GOP.
WATTERS: Depends with what the meaning of is, is.
WILLIAMS: But the Republicans in the house and the senate, they're so afraid of the Republicans who march in lockstep to Trump that they are biting their tongues. But then you see people come out.
PERINO: But they didn't bite their tongues on Russia.
WILLIAMS: Oh, they do.
GUTFELD: It's nothing compared to the cult of Obama, let's face it. For eight years, the media did nothing but Obama's bidding, so please.
WILLIAMS: I work at Fox News. I know we weren't doing Obama's bidding, I tell you that.
PAVLICH: Well, look, going back to Dana's point which is the overall construct of how we're moving forward on Iran. We went through the Iran deal. President Trump got rid of it. There're going to be consequences going forward with how the administration deals with the regime, and they're obviously looking at the idea of Iran not being able to sustain economically any kind of sanctions or further pressure the United States puts on them because it will lead to regime change which the U.S. is not officially pushing for, but based on the things that have been said, the pressure that have been put on, Pompeo calling out the leaders by name and saying that they're hypocritical holy men and tweeting in Farsi to the activists on the ground there. Now, this is an overall strategy for the administration. It's not just a distraction from Russia, because we've been dealing with this even before Trump became president on the campaign trail.
GUTFELD: Does anybody like the mullahs? In Iran, I mean, the people -- I mean, how much sway do they have?
PERINO: With the military, right? That they get the goodies, right? It's just a typical dictatorial regime. I think the other thing that we forget is that in Afghanistan and in Iraq, in particular, Iraq is actually doing much better from a law and governance standpoint, but Iran is causing additional problems and they're moving into Afghanistan.
WILLIAMS: And I think you forget though that there's a counter to the U.S. sanctions. I think U.S. sanctions, Katie, are going to have some pain -- caused some pain for the Iranians. But, don't forget, the other parties in what was a six party agreement on the Iranian deal are still in it, still doing business. In fact.
PAVLICH: Yeah, and they're prompting up the terrorist regime.
WILLIAMS: Well, I'm not arguing that point with you. I would agree that they are terrorists. But I would say this that the U.S. -- the United States acting unilaterally we are becoming more isolated and weak around the world stage. We should have our allies with us going against the Iranians. We shouldn't be separated out so that we can be identified by the mullahs as just the big bad Americans who think they're going to run the world.
PAVLICH: OK. So do you think the president's tweet was strong or weak?
WILLIAMS: I think it was a distraction from all of his trouble with the Russians in Helsinki.
GUTFELD: Wait, we want to pull back yet we want to run the world. How is that possible?
WATTERS: It's leading from behind. That's what he's trying to do, lead it from behind.
WILLIAMS: If he was that subtle, I would tip my cap to him.
GUTFELD: You'll be tipping your cap soon. All right. The president looking to strip security clearances from top anti-Trump Obama intel officials. That's the latest, next.
WATTERS: President Trump is threatening to pull the security clearances of several former top Obama intelligence officials including James Comey, John Brennan, James Clapper, Andrew McCabe, Susan Rice, and Michael Hayden, the White House accusing them of politicizing or monetizing their former positions and making baseless claims about President Trump. Here are just some recent examples of their attacks.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOHN BRENNAN, FORMER CIA DIRECOTR: What Mr. Trump did yesterday was to betray the women and men of the FBI, the CIA, NSA and others, and to betray the American public. And that's why I use the term that this is nothing short of treasonous.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: I really do wonder whether the Russians have something on him.
SUSAN RICE, FORMER NSA ADVISER: The policies that this president has pursued globally have served Vladimir Putin's interests.
JAMES COMEY, FORMER FBI DIRECTORO: I think he's morally unfit to be president.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Wow. All right. So, Dana, will this actually have an impact on these players at all, or is this kind of like a public humiliation?
PERINO: I think it's the latter. Like -- or a political, you know, retaliation.
PERINO: For retaliation. If any of them were actually going back to the agency and getting a security briefing and then using that knowledge to get money off of it inappropriately, that would be a violation that the Department of Justice should look into. And I don't think that's actually the accusation being made here. I'm assuming it is because they've gone out and done books and had TV contracts or things -- or get speeches, and people think they know things, like McCabe is not a good example because his security clearance was deactivated when he was like -- or from the FBI. Hayden tweeted that he's never actually gone back and have a security briefing. I'm assuming that the Trump officials are actually not briefing people like Susan Rice, and Clapper, and Brennan. So, I think that it's a little bit -- looks like political retaliation. Probably good for fodder, but the practical result, not much.
WATTERS: Great for fodder, right, Greg?
GUTFELD: I'm a big fan of fodder. Just dropped into our show. How does Brennan have a security clearance? A guy who's as trustworthy as Jesse's barber. But I agree with you, Dana. This really is sent to you the more of it. It's like, OK. So you're saying we're colluding? Well, we're going to say you're colluding. It's, again, it's like tic-tac-toe. It's like Rochambeau. Everybody is like coming at each other. But I do agree that I think that -- you can disagree with the administration, but I think they've ventured into undermining it, right? They have. I mean, come on, when you call the president a traitor, treasonous, you're undermining it. Take away his clearance.
GUTFELD: Debrief him.
WILLIAMS: What if you're speaking the truth?
GUTFELD: What -- it doesn't matter.
PERINO: but even if this happens to them, I don't think they're going to change anything that they say.
WILLIAMS: Oh, no, but the thing is -- I mean, you've made all the key points. They're not actually being briefed. I mean, this people were in the intelligence community. So I think this fits into a narrative from President Trump that would say these are the citizens of the deep state and they hate me. They've been trying to beat me during the campaign. They're still trying to undermine me. The problem with the argument is, one, if you really want to know somebody who is do upped the dirty deeds with actual intelligence, how about Michael Flynn? That was your national security advisor, Mr. President. And, secondly, hey, what about people like Will Hurd who was a CIA agent, now in the congress, a Republican who says he thinks that you are being used by President Putin? What about, you know, people like Bryan Fitzpatrick, Mike Rogers, these are good Republicans who say something odd is going on between the Russians and President Trump.
WATTERS: Well, it's more than just, you know, retribution against what you call the deep state, Juan. Some of the things that they've said have been outrageous, as Greg mentioned. But, also, now that you have the FISA warrant of Carter Page released, Katie, that shows extreme abuse of the system. They did not disclose that it was funded by the DNC.
WILLIAMS: Jesse, what are you talking about?
WATTERS: Did not disclose.
WILLIAMS: It did.
WATTERS: It was funded by Hillary. It did not, Juan.
WILLIAMS: That's not true.
WATTERS: And this was never verified at all, any of this information.
WILLIAMS: This is not true, America.
WATTERS: Juan, I read the whole thing. Did you?
WILLIAMS: Yes, I saw -- in fact, not only that, I had to discuss it on 'Fox News Sunday' with people like.
WATTERS: Was the dossier the primary element in obtaining the warrant, Juan? The number one element on the dossier was right there in front of the judge and they did not disclose it was funded by Hillary.
WILLIAMS: They did. They said it was funded by his political opponent, Jesse.
WATTERS: It was funded by a candidate, Juan. A candidate.
WILLIAMS: In that case, did you read and see that it didn't even name Donald Trump? He's just candidate one who becomes president, did you notice that?
WATTERS: Juan, if you're going to lie to a FISA judge.
WILLIAMS: And lie to a FISA judge.
WATTERS: Unverifiable information, that's perjury. And if you want to be OK with perjury that's fine.
WILLIAMS: You think the FBI lied to the FISA judges?
WATTERS: We actually have evidence.
WATTERS: By the way, America, unverified information on the warrant application.
WILLIAMS: By the way, America, four Republican FISA judges who saw repeated requests from the FBI and granted them all.
WATTERS: And he's been indicted for anything? Is he a Russian agent, Juan?
WILLIAMS: I think.
WATTERS: I don't think so. Carter Page doesn't really strike me as a really brilliant.
PAVLICH: I mean, if Carter Page has a security clearance, it must be revoked immediately. Getting back to that topic of security clearances, the system for security clearance actually needs to be cleaned up significantly. I think there are valid questions about why senior officials get to keep their security clearances. When you look at what the administration is accusing these former officials, two of them who work for Trump, Comey and McCabe, of doing in terms of politicizing this, they see it as an interference with the nation's business and interference of the office of the presidency. And if you look just the twitter feed of John Brennan, James Clapper, Susan Rice, they're not just talking about disagreements in terms of foreign policy. They're talking about why aren't Republican speaking out? Susan rice is tweeting all about getting out the vote against Republicans. James Comey just this week saying if you want to save America, you have to vote for Democrats in the fall. So, there is a question about whether people who want to engage in those kinds of politics really should have access to top-secret information at the highest levels of our government when they may not be getting briefed directly by the administration, but they could still be talking to people inside those agencies and getting information to further their political goals.
WILLIAMS: I think the point here is that they have credibility and that people might listen to them.
PAVLICH: James Clapper has credibility?
WATTERS: Lied to the American public repeatedly.
WILLIAMS: Director of National Intelligence because he was.
PAVLICH: And he lied under oath.
WILLIAMS: I'm just telling you, I think that Trump wants to undermine the entire intelligence community.
WATTERS: Well, they did that to themselves. The media anointing a new front runner to take on President Trump in 2020, does his potential opponent stand a chance? Find out next.
WILLIAMS: Well, Democrats still searching for their new leader and the person to take on Donald Trump in 2020. Elizabeth Warren, the senator, is featured on the cover of the latest issue of New York Magazine, she's being billed as the current Democratic front runner, also leader of the persistence. Meanwhile, in my latest column in The Hill, I'm arguing Democrats should be focusing on white working-class voters to defeat Donald Trump. I'm going to go to a white working-class -- you're not working class. I forgot. A white rich voter. I'm sorry, Mr. Watters.
WATTERS: Richer now that the Trump tax cuts kicked in.
WILLIAMS: Oh, yeah.
PERINO: Not in New York.
WILLIAMS: Oh, listen to the grumbling. There's grumbling at the table. OK, Jesse.
WILLIAMS: So, here's the thing, Elizabeth Warren, on the cover, Elizabeth Warren stands for single-payer health care, right?
WILLIAMS: Elizabeth Warren wants to help young people who have heavy tuition debt coming out of college. She thinks a minimum wage hike could be a good idea.
WILLIAMS: How do you, as a white working class American, feels about this?
WATTERS: Listen, I think she's got a good shot of getting the nomination. I think the base likes her. I think she can excite a crowd. She's younger than Biden. And, you know, she's female. She's exciting. And, you know, I think she also has a lot of negatives. The Pocahontas thing is going to kill her. She's got an identity crisis there that I think that name stuck and it cuts and it hurts and it went viral. She hasn't been able to get over it. There's the phony factor which is a problem. I don't know if she can play nationally being a Northeastern liberal. I don't know if she plays in a North Carolina, or an Arizona, or a place like that. She's got absolutely no Wall Street support. And, as a Democrat, I know you play footsie with Wall Street. You want to bash them, you know, out in public, but then behind the scenes you want to ask for their money and gravel. But Wall Street hates her. I don't think they're going to pay her a lot of money during the campaign. And she's open borders, she's pro-tax hikes, so.
WILLIAMS: Hang on. You know.
PERINO: He's read the file.
WILLIAMS: He might. But.
WATTERS: I created the file.
WILLIAMS: Is that right? They pay the Republicans, you want them.
WATTERS: No, I'm saying she's not going to get a lot of Wall Street donations compared to some other Democrats, like Obama, who talked a big game about cracking down on Wall Street and then did absolutely nothing.
WILLIAMS: OK, Katie, who is your pick for the Democratic nomination?
PAVLICH: Oh, I'm not going to pick someone. But if they want Elizabeth Warren to run -- first of all, she was wearing sandals in that picture. If you're going to run a marathon like a presidential election, you better put some good running shoes on. The second thing is she always acts like she's so pro-middle-class worker when she is one of the most elitist people that they have in the senate. She can't relate to anybody. She's similar to Hillary Clinton that way. And when it comes to her policy, she's always talking on the surface level about bringing back middle-class jobs, fighting for the little guy, but actually the thing that she votes for and supports like minimum wage hikes and not taking down Dodd-Frank, actually bring robots in to take minimum-wage jobs that people can then get into and then build their careers from there. And it actually hurts small businesses that can't get small business loans to further their ambitions.
So her policies don't actually match up with her working-class rhetoric. And I'm not sure that she has enough intersectionality, just like Joe Biden, to make it on the far left.
WILLIAMS: What does that mean? Intersectionality?
PAVLICH: She's too white. She's not diverse enough, even though she pretends to be a minority. And so the far left of the party now isn't really going to take someone like that. They need someone with more of those boxes checked.
WILLIAMS: So Dana, one group that we've seen slide a little bit in the Trump universe are white suburban women.
WILLIAMS: I think that they're a little uncomfortable with separating children from parents and the like.
PERINO: Well, I would say a couple things. It's kind of the tale of two midterms. So you have in the House the president really needs to try to keep some independence in his corner so that he can help keep the House.
But in the Senate, to keep the Senate, he really needs his base to get out, Republicans to turn out. So in some ways the polls today is not that instructive on that. Independents, if those women decide not to vote for him in the midterm, then the House might go.
But I think also for this one, for Democrats going forward, they've learned lessons over and over, and so have Republicans. Voters always want what they can't have. In 2012, Republicans were begging Chris Christie to run. He didn't. He chose to run in 2016, and now his moment has passed.
And I think that is the same for Elizabeth Warren. That in 2016, she would've had the whole left wing to herself. And she would have eclipsed Bernie Sanders. But she decided to endorse Hillary Clinton, and now there's so much energy and so much attention on the left that her time has probably passed.
WILLIAMS: You really think so.
GUTFELD: Well, I think you neglected to point out that New York Magazine, that's their comedy issue.
GUTFELD: They hired --
PERINO: Once a year.
GUTFELD: Once a year do it. They have all this stuff written by the morons at TIME magazine. And that's what they got.
You know, this is why the focus is going to be on ousting Trump. Because they've got nothing to beat him with but himself. And so that's why they've been shouting about impeachment. It's like rather than compete against Trump, they'd rather, like, flip the board over, turn it over, because he's beating them in Monopoly.
PERINO: This is so true.
PERINO: He will make it a choice, not a referendum.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.
PERINO: He will say, like, "You could have a sitting president who's overseeing a roaring economy --"
PERINO: "-- or you could have somebody who believes in socialism. I mean, you pick."
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. So as long as the economy does well, they're screwed.
And Comey actually said something right. He told the Democrats, "You've got to get a grip." Right? Don't be so crazy. Because at the pace of this demonization, they're so -- they demonize at -- it's incredible. Every day, it gets worse. They, the Dems will be no different than, like, the drug-addled maniac on the street corner who's shouting that asteroids are coming, and he forgot to wear his pants.
WATTERS: You mentioned something about the economy doing well. I had a buddy who was out at the Four Seasons brunch in Beverly Hills and ran into --
WILLIAMS: I said white working-class, didn't I?
WATTERS: Funny that you mention that, Juan. Guess who he ran into? Maxine Waters.
WATTERS: At the $100-a-head --
PERINO: She's -- yes.
WATTERS: -- brunch of Four Seasons. And he was talking to her for a while.
PERINO: You couldn't eat that much brunch.
WATTERS: And she admitted to him that Trump will win in 2020, because the economy will be so good.
GUTFELD: Who said that?
WATTERS: Maxine Waters.
GUTFELD: That's a scoop.
WATTERS: It is.
GUTFELD: That's a scoop.
PAVLICH: It is, right now. Happening, breaking. Jesse's got it.
WILLIAMS: And you guys believe it.
WILLIAMS: Comedian Michelle Wolf, hot water for her again. This time, for comparing ICE agents to ISIS terrorists. The video -- amazing -- coming up on "The Five."
PERINO: Hollywood continues to lash out against President Trump and his administration. Comedian Chelsea Handler once again going after the president.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
CHELSEA HANDLER, COMEDIAN: My fantasy is to see Donald Trump dragged out of the White House in his boxer shorts. You know, with his little hair --
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No, Chelsea, no.
HANDLER: And landing in the Rose Garden. You know what I mean? I want him naked and humiliated.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Yes, hilarious. And Michelle Wolf making an outrageous comparison between ICE and terrorists.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MICHELLE WOLF, COMEDIAN: It's popular nowadays to say ICE is bad, but there's no better representation of American values right now than ICE is.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ICE is waging war for everything that's holy in this country. I guess you could call it a holy war.
WOLF: Take it from me. No organization is better than ICE is.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: ISIS!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: OK, I don't think that's funny at all. Greg, will this work with a certain segment of people?
GUTFELD: She is -- Michelle Wolf right now is in a lot of hot water comparing ICE to ISIS, because they feel that it insulted ISIS.
I guess this is what time does. These people forget the journalists and the innocent people whose heads were cut off. And that's what we dealt with for four years.
GUTFELD: While here -- I mean, at -- we were sitting here at this table to have to go through -- it was horrible. We don't think about that that much anymore, and we should.
You know, right now, Trump is a character in their movie. He's a bad character. He's not just wrong. He's evil. You can never quote Krauthammer enough. He always said the difference between the left and right is we think they're misguided or stupid, but they think we're evil.
PERINO: Evil. Katie, what do you think about that in terms of, like, reaching a younger demographic?
PAVLICH: I think it's just really unfortunate and disgusting. You know, there are good men and women working in ICE every single day who are just trying to feed their families and keep the country safe. And if people like Michelle Wolf and her Hollywood friends like Chelsea Handler would spend an ounce of the energy they spend demonizing good people in America, you know, demonizing people who are hurting other people, real rapists, real child traffickers, real terrorist, you might actually get somewhere.
And to reiterate Greg's point, you know, we still have men and women in Afghanistan who are still dying as a result of us being there to stop ISIS. We still have a presence in Iraq and Syria as a result of this. Because those people are there to make sure that we are not hurt here at home.
And so, reaching -- you know, I guess I would be in the younger demographic. It doesn't sit well with me. I don't think it's funny, first of all. So if this is supposed to be comedy, they need to work on it.
But just overall, the dehumanization of good people who are literally putting their lives on the line every single day so that people like Michelle Wolf and Chelsea Handler can live in their own elitist bubble every single day, I just think it's pretty disgusting.
PERINO: It's not like there isn't other things for them to make fun of, Jesse.
WATTERS: There's so much to make fun of.
GUTFELD: Jesse's hair.
WATTERS: Not that. I just want to know, how did Rove get on a panel with Chelsea Handler?
PERINO: Well --
WATTERS: I mean, what has happened to Karl Rove.
PERINO: That's that thing where they try to -- it's called OZYFest, right?
PERINO: That thing where they try to get a bunch of different people --
GUTFELD: Got it.
PERINO: -- and the goal is to get a whole bunch of different people together to show that we can agree.
WATTERS: They're the complete opposites. I'm not sure they did agree. So I don't know what came of that.
PERINO: Karl didn't seem like he was very comfortable.
WATTERS: No. It was weird that she said she wanted to see the president naked. I found that odd.
The whole abolish ICE thing, I think the Democrats are just abolishing their chances of winning in the midterms. This happened back during the Iraq War when they attacked our troops. That hurt them politically.
A couple years ago, the Democrats went after police very hard. I think that hurt them politically.
And they're just walking into another brick wall with his anti-ICE stuff, and it's really so far out of the mainstream of American society, I can't believe they don't even see it.
WILLIAMS: Boy, you guys are out of touch.
PERINO: Yes, tell me. Because I wondered that. I'm know that it offends me. That's why I was sort of asking. Does it work for other audiences?
WILLIAMS: I think it does. I think that you have to understand that people who see children being separated from their parents, people who are trying to do their jobs and see, you know, gardeners being raided and pushed out, because, "Oh, you look like you're Hispanic." People feel like they're being terrorized.
But the larger point is this is not an attack on the men and women who work for ICE. This is an attack on people who have made ICE into a deportation force, who have made ICE into suddenly, you know -- I'm reminded of what people used -- on the right used to say about ATF. You know, jackbooted thugs coming to grab your guns. This is the way lots of people in the Latino, immigrant community --
WATTERS: You agree comparing them to ISIS terrorists is a step too far?
WILLIAMS: No, I said --
WILLIAMS: -- they feel like terrorists. But I'm telling you this is not an attack on the people --
PAVLICH: Is ICE cutting people's heads off? Is ICE cutting people's heads off, Juan?
GUTFELD: It's not an attack.
WILLIAMS: It's an attack on the people. It's an attack on the policy, Greg. The policy that would use them in this way to separate people --
GUTFELD: They compared them to ISIS. They actually --
WILLIAMS: The idea is -- I mean, this is what Michelle Wolf got into trouble with at the Correspondents' Dinner.
WILLIAMS: She's being edgy, and I think she has every right to be edgy. But a lot of people are uncomfortable, especially guess what? The people who are being zinged by her humor.
PERINO: But it's like when Comey says they need to get a grip. I think that's part -- I mean, it's not going to win back white working-class voters.
WILLIAMS: I don't know, but --
GUTFELD: Let them do it.
WILLIAMS: -- it's not going to -- it is going to excite people who are pi -- angry.
PAVLICH: ICE agents are working-class voters.
PERINO: Oop, oop. We almost had a bleepable moment.
All right, our bucket list facing a midlife crisis. Why the popular life- planning tool may be flatlining. Next.
(MUSIC: "THEME FROM GOLDEN GIRLS")
GUTFELD: Great song.
PAVLICH: It seems like almost everyone has a list of dreams they'd like to fulfill before they die. Perhaps swimming with sharks -- one of mine -- or going on an African safari -- also one of mine -- or even jumping out of a plane, just like I did right there. But is it time to kick the bucket list?
An op-ed in The Wall Street Journal argues that these lists serve as a shortcut and cheap substitutes for not being more adventurous earlier in life.
So, Dana, this author, Joe --
PERINO: It must be because I'm so young.
PAVLICH: Well, but can't you have a bucket life -- a bucket list throughout your life? Like, I don't see it as an end-of-life thing, where, like, "I'm going to die, and now I have to check off these ten things."
PERINO: I think that it becomes, like, a lot of pressure, then, thinking about all the things you want to do before you die, like, as a bucket list thing.
I think it's, like, a kind of interesting concept. I think older people are doing it now, because their path was to work really hard in their 20s, and they did things in this order. Like, school, marriage, job, kids. And then college, and then retirement. And they can do these things.
And I think that it's kind of flipped now. Like, younger people want to have these experiences now. And it's like, they're delaying things until they get to have their gap years or things like that.
PAVLICH: I think experiences are also more assessable now, Juan, with things that we have available in the world just because of the way that the economies have worked and improved.
WILLIAMS: Yes. So I think this was a Joe Queenan piece in the Saturday Journal. And what struck me about it was that at some point, he says, you know, "Enough with the bucket list. I mean, let's move on. If you really want to do something, like, you know, that's different, go help somebody. Go volunteer. Go actually make a difference in the world."
And I was struck by that. I thought that's a pretty powerful message.
PAVLICH: But Greg, isn't this something that you would have written?
GUTFELD: Yes. Absolutely. Well, Joe Queenan is almost always right. And I can tell you, as a writer and a journalist in men's magazine, the bucket list was never really a thing. No one ever made a list. This was a device created for freelance writers to write adventure and travel pieces for magazines like AARP or Men's Journal or Men's Life. It was just a way to make money.
So they go, "Oh, let's do something on bucket lists. That means I can go do Outward Bound in Colorado. I can go climb Everest."
I have what I call the reverse bucket list in which I'm trying to remove stupid behavior from my past. I don't want to add things. I want to remove things.
PERINO: It's like the bucket has no bottom if you are one of those journalists. It's kind of smart.
PAVLICH: It doesn't have a starting point, right, Jesse? I mean, I'm sure your bucket list started in the womb. Amazing things happening in your life.
WATTERS: I've had a lot of crazy, dangerous experiences growing up and now I want to avoid them. I don't want to swim with sharks. I don't want to skydive. I don't want to run with the bulls. I don't want to do any of that.
PAVLICH: Sounds really lame.
WATTERS: I want to sit on a beach, have a drink and relax. That's all I want to do.
PAVLICH: What about the accusation in this essay that, if you have a bucket list of adventure, it's just basically a pathetic way of compensating for things you have not done earlier?
WATTERS: I think it's for boring people that want to not be boring.
PERINO: Are you saying that I'm boring?
WATTERS: And tell everybody all these crazy things they did.
PERINO: I disagree. I think that there are people out there who worked really, really hard. They put their kids through college. They -- maybe they helped their parents at their end-of-life, now they have some time and they want to do some things while they are still healthy enough to do them, so they create this bucket list.
WILLIAMS: By the way, have you been to the beach this summer? You see all these, like, older people with tattoos.
GUTFELD: Bo, no, no. It is absolutely amazing. It was -- I have -- I was in Hawaii. Everybody has tattoos. This is now -- it's now the minority, you don't have tattoos.
WILLIAMS: I think that is part of the bucket list. I think they're like - - somebody people hit 17, "You know what? I'm getting a tattoo.
PERINO: I always wanted a bucket list.
GUTFELD: Tattoos do not look good.
WILLIAMS: I didn't want to say it, but --
PERINO: A friend of mine's dad always wanted an earring and couldn't because of the place that he worked. And so now he has one.
WILLIAMS: That's unbelievable?
PAVLICH: Are these fresh tattoos or are these older tattoos?
WILLIAMS: Well, I'm not getting into it.
GUTFELD: You know what? A lot a tattoos are just bad tattoos. A lot of people get bad tattoos.
WATTERS: Yes, like "Hillary 2016."
WILLIAMS: So Katie, let -- you have to answer the question. Why are you jumping out of airplanes?
PAVLICH: Because it's fun. It's not just a bucket list thing. Because why not? Life is too short. YOLO. That's the millennial --
WATTERS: Almost too short, because she forgot to pull the rip cord.
WILLIAMS: I was about to say. I was about to say.
PAVLICH: I almost -- I almost had a short -- a shortened life, because I didn't pull the chute. But it wasn't my job. It was only a suggestion.
"One More Thing" is up next.
GUTFELD: "OMT" -- J.W.
WATTERS: All right. Greg has been on a new diet. And he looks great. He's really slimmed down and trimmed it up.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
WATTERS: And but he had a moment of weakness where we caught him with his proverbial hand in the cookie jar. Here he is right here.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(LITTLE BOY ON TOP OF COUNTER TOP, GRABBING COOKIE)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: He climbed on top of a little countertop. There he is. Reaching in for a doughnut but was caught red-handed and had to put it back. Sorry, Greg. There it is.
PERINO: That's your "One More Thing"?
WATTERS: That's my "One More Thing." It's from all the hair jokes. I had to get him back.
GUTFELD: It was nice.
WILLIAMS: That Greg was a chubby little guy.
PAVLICH: Eating doughnuts all day.
WILLIAMS: All right. You've heard about people popping out of cakes at bachelor parties, but how about a big surprise at the wedding?
Johnny Campbell, an Alabama football fan, got married to Becca Campbell, who's a Louisiana State football fan. So she gave him a cake with an Alabama "A" on top during the wedding reception. But watch what happens when he cuts into it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: LSU! LSU!
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: LSU! LSU!
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: LSU! LSU!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: It was purple and gold inside, the colors of LSU. I think my man lost his appetite.
PERINO: I like that.
WATTERS: Got him.
PERINO: That's good.
GUTFELD: That's crazy stuff.
All right. It's time for something new.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRAPHIC: Greg's Foreign Policy with Animals
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: "Greg's Foreign Policy with Animals."
So I asked a dog and some bunnies if they could reenact president -- reenact President Obama's foreign policy. So let's check it out here. It's just -- there he is with a bunch of carrots, feeding these rabbits. He never -- you know, it took a while. They were, like, actually
PAVLICH: Can I get in on that?
PERINO: Taking the whole thing.
GUTFELD: The rabbits and their pigs. There's a pig in there.
PERINO: That dog is very patient.
GUTFELD: Yes, he is. Yes. And you know what? He's just giving away the carrots. You don't see a stick anywhere. No sticks anywhere, Dana. That's the foreign policy of President Obama! All right.
PAVLICH: Trained to feed them carrots?
GUTFELD: Isn't that beautiful?
PERINO: OK. I'm going to promote Greg's book today.
GUTFELD: Ah, yay!
PERINO: It's called "The Gutfeld Monologues," and it comes out tomorrow. And I interviewed him today on the "Fox News Rundown" podcast. It's going to air tomorrow morning, so you should subscribe to that on anywhere you can like iTunes, Apple podcast, Google Play. Go to FoxNewsRundown.com. You can download it.
It was pretty fun to interview him.
GUTFELD: It was a good -- you did a good interview.
PERINO: Thank you.
GUTFELD: You did a good interview. You know, she did -- I didn't know what to expect.
GUTFELD: I've had a chance to read through it. It's an excellent book. If you have been a fan of "The Five," if you've watched his monologues, you're going to love it. It's a little bit of a trip down memory lane, but he goes back and he critiques himself.
PERINO: And he's honest about it.
PERINO: He's pretty funny about it, and I encourage everyone to buy it.
GUTFELD: Which one was your favorite monologue?
PERINO: I love all the ones -- oh, gosh, I have a few. I told him in the interview that I'm his personal laugh track. But I really do love it when you come up with like the peanut helmet thing.
GUTFELD: Yes. The peanut helmet.
PAVLICH: All the little jokes for Dana are pretty funny.
PERINO: Yes. It's really good.
WILLIAMS: But I think -- I think, by the way, there's big credit to be given to Greg for the idea that he would go back over time and say, "Maybe this was a little off."
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
WATTERS: I would never do that.
GUTFELD: No, there's -- I had no choice.
WILLIAMS: I thought you said that about the haircut.
GUTFELD: I had no choice.
All right. Katie, what you got?
PAVLICH: Mine is really sad and a tragedy, but also hilarious.
Who doesn't love a scoop of guacamole or spicy salsa on a crisp tortilla chip?
PERINO: Love it.
PAVLICH: Lots of people. But these chips that these that these people are not eating, these other chips, brought the heat because firefighters were called to a Texas tortilla chip not once but twice in three days after boxes of chips spontaneously combusted.
PAVLICH: Both fires started when the tortilla chip factory was testing a new way to handle chip waste. Who throws tortillas away?
PERINO: Right. Chip waste, what's that?
PAVLICH: The Austin Fire Department said they were distressed to be called out to a tortilla chip warehouse twice to battle the fire, writing in a Facebook quote -- Facebook post, "Tortillas chips are big business around these parts. We take them very seriously, as they are responsible for holding all manner of very important things like queso, salsa, nachos and various other sun-dried items that are critical to a Texan's everyday life and well-being."
So they are very sad that these chips spontaneously combusted.
PAVLICH: And I'm sure there were lots of Austin residents who also are very sad. But after the two fires, the firefighters had no choice but to drown out the rest of the chips in the warehouse to make sure the risk was completely taken away.
PERINO: Wow. Terrible.
PAVLICH: So there might be a chip shortage in Texas, which is not good.
GUTFELD: All right.
PERINO: Well, maybe they can get some from somewhere else.
GUTFELD: There you go.
GUTFELD: Excellent. All right, he's bringing us the news, and he's willing to share. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Bret Baier. "Special Report" is up next.
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: You're going to run out of them. Thanks, Greg.
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