'Gutfeld!' on the Cuomo brothers, Russia-Ukraine war

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This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," March 18, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Hey, good to see you. It's been a while. 24 hours. For Pete Buttigieg, that's a work week. Now we're going to talk about the war but first it's Friday. So, we should do something really stupid. Something really idiotic because God knows we need it. Like two heaping scoops a dumb.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's the Cuomos. Starring Andrew and Chris. Cool.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, they're back. Like that rash I got from Kat's couch. The disgraced governor and live action Count Chocula is suggesting he might run again for New York Governor. Good luck getting the elderly vote. Since he asked so many of them. True, he may be the only Democrat that'll have a hard time getting dead people to vote for him.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDREW CUOMO, FORMER GOVERNOR OF NEW YORK: I have a lot of options. I'm open to all of them. I'm hoping for an offer from the New York Jets. I still think I can play wide receiver, so I'm working on that. Have you seen the Jets play? So, I'm open to all options ang I'm going to leave it at that.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Well, the guy knows his baseball. I'll give them that. Now it's a disgrace brother Chris is up in the lawsuit demand to get CNN to 125 million bucks. Now Cuomo is calling out his former co-workers. And that leads me to a confused place, reminds me of puberty. Which means it's time for.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Greg's internal dilemma.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. And there's a fight between people you dislike. Who do you root for? Well, let's start with the idiot brother. That should be more specific. Let's go with Chris. He's not only suing CNN but bashing his former co-workers including Jeff Zucker, Brian Stelter, and the airbrushed block is stupid known as Don Lemon. Wednesday in his court filing he trashed his brotherly buffoon, even mentioning how Lemon warned Jussie Smollett that the cops didn't buy his fake hate crime.

Adding that "Lemon was not disciplined in any way," tax. Well, he was. He was disciplined. But a spanking hardly qualifies as punishment when you pay for it. But it's weird to see Lemon get trashed by someone who cared for him so, so, so deeply.

DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: I'll talk to you soon, Mr. Christopher Cuomo. I love you, brother. See you soon.

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: I love you. Don Lemon.

LEMON: If you watch a certain state T.V. and you listen to conservative media, you would think that, you know, entire cities are just, you know, in brawled and fights and fires and whatever. We went out had a great dinner, right?

C. CUOMO: Makes me love you more, D. Lemon.

LEMON: love you, brother. I love you.

C. CUOMO: I love you, D. Lemon.

LEMON: Get to the news.

C. CUOMO: You're wearing your white (INAUDIBLE)

LEMON: I love you too, brother.

C. CUOMO: Oh, you love them. You love them the way I love you, D. Lemon. I love you brother.

LEMON: I love you. See you soon. All right. Have a great weekend. You're a partner here and I'm just happy to have you back because nobody bounces of each other between shows like you and I do. Now go on.

C. CUOMO: I love you, D. Lemon.

LEMON: I love you, brother.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes. Nobody bounces like that. It's like Romeo and Juliet for cologne drenched knuckleheads. And here I thought that was as real as the moon landing. And by moon landing, I'm referring to Brian Stelter sitting on a toilet. That's two. So, look, we haven't been doing fun news in a while. So, give me a break. So, it turns out it was as fake -- yes, as fake his Kat's love for jazz. But the love affair now has gone sour.

I haven't been blindsided by a breakup like this since Donnie left Marie. They were brother and sister. So, with -- it's OK. So, yes. It's surprising that two men who profess their love for each other over and over again would now rip each other to shreds. You know, I'm starting to think that almost everything on that network is a lie. Now, I don't blame Cuomo after his firing, Lemon said Chris shouldn't get severance, since he broke journalistic standards.

Which is funny, having Lemon lecturing someone on journalistic standards. That's like taking voice lessons from Neil Young, or learning how to meditate from Judge Jeanine. Bottom line. They're all phonies, including Chris. So, who do you root for? It's like a fight between Dracula and Frankenstein. I'm referring to Pelosi and Biden. But this rip tells a bigger story. It's a lesson about the media and that nothing they do is true.

Even their friendships. They make it all up and they think you're dumb enough to buy it. Like the 1619 Project, a Russian collusion or a Hunter's laptop being disinformation, or that Kilmeade doesn't live out of his car. We know he does. Most of the media is just a collection of thirsty shallow hacks bent on fame and fortune. And when it goes sour, they'll sue their best pal. And that goes for America's sweetheart too, Dana Perino.

She just assumed (INAUDIBLE) he was looking at you. Hi kid, I think. Actually, we do all get along here at Fox News. Here's me and Hemmer's hot tub. Here's me and Stuart Varney's hot tub. And here's me under Dana Perino's bed. That was a surprise. So, I don't care who wins this lawsuit. I just want you to know that they lie about everything from big things like collusion and crime to the little things like mere friendship.

OK. Now who is bro Andrew. He's a jackass. True. And a creep, that's true. But he's still more competent than the current governor we have here. Kathy, what's her name? Who by the way, wasn't voted in by the people? She's such a dim bulb, she couldn't light up a glove compartment. She wouldn't budge on reading the bail reforms even as people died between her and Andrew Cuomo.

They're responsible for the death of more New Yorkers than lose subway grates and falling air conditioners combined. But now she's coming around with an election looming. Too late, I say. So that's the dilemma, the lesser of two evils. If only there was a solution. And maybe there is. Shall I read you a tweet I saw from last night? Here goes. Hey, Greg, do you have any pictures of Kat's feet? Oh. Sorry, that's a wrong one. Freaking Geraldo.

This is from our very own. Janice Dean. "If Andrew Cuomo tries to run for governor again, maybe the weather bitch, will too." Well, that would be awesome. Because if she runs, she wins because unlike the others, she's real and she's likable. And there's nothing in her background, her past that would sink her. She's so clean. You can eat off her forehead. Trust me. I have. She's so spotless. He makes Dana Perino look like pig pen.

And mark my words, if she does run, I will help her. Meaning I won't endorse her.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She has the heart of a libertarian and the glasses of a librarian. Host of "KENNEDY" on Fox Business, Kennedy. Kardashian, Long, Pattinson, just to name a few Hollywood Rob's more famous than this one. T.V. writer and producer, Rob Long. She gets up so early, birds tell her to keep the worm. "FOX AND FRIENDS FIRST" co-host Carley Shimkus.

And she's so white Hunter Biden tried to snort her. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. I don't know if that was necessary, but I had to use it.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Whenever.

GUTFELD: No, it's not. Happy St. Patrick's Day.

TIMPF: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I can't wait to go out.

GUTFELD: Yes.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: -- Guinness.

GUTFELD: Have you have you checked your -- have you checked your calendar? Are you working for 2022?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Just checking because, you know, you might be off by a day.

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: OK. All right. Well, you know, it's going to be fun. Go to the parade.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Go to the parade.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: That's my plan after -- yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: The parade is 1:30 a.m.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true. That's true. Just go out there alone.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Go out there alone. Kennedy.

LISA KENNEDY MONTGOMERY, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK HOST: Hi.

GUTFELD: How are you?

MONTGOMERY: Very well, thank you.

GUTFELD: Do you -- are you -- do you miss the Chris-Don love fest as much as I do?

MONTGOMERY: That montage, I never imagined being so satisfied as I was by that. Because if you are willing to name someone that you love so much you profess your love nightly, you know, it's like you have written Shakespearean sonnets to this person.

GUTFELD: Right.

MONTGOMERY: With your Jackass tongue and limited intellect. He did that. And then he named him in a lawsuit, which -- that's the thing that makes him unemployable. This is the thing like, prospective employers look at this and they don't go, oh, it wasn't him helping his brother. Like we get that. You know, it wasn't these allegations from other women. Those are awful. But you know, it's like, half the guys in our news room have done worse.

It's the fact that he went after everyone that he used to work with by name and trashed them who would ever want to employ --

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. Once you start suing, you know, people you claim to love, everybody is on the table, Rob, if you catch my drift. I just winked at you.

ROB LONG, T.V. WRITER AND PRODUCER: Yes. I saw that. Very uncomfortable.

GUTFELD: I try to make you -- I try to make you feel as awkward --

(CROSSTALK)

LONG: The point on the doll where I feel the most vulnerable.

GUTFELD: And you know I have that --

LONG: Oh, I know you do.

GUTFELD: Up in my office, we'll do it together.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, isn't this emblematic or symbolic of what the media is? It's manufactured theater. Right? It's like even the -- even the friendships are fake.

LONG: Well, I mean, OK. Yes. I mean, I think one thing you're missing here is it's about $100 million.

GUTFELD: Yes. So (INAUDIBLE)

LONG: So, the price on their friendship is less than $100 million.

GUTFELD: Right.

LONG: Which I kind of buy. Although I'd like to see it here. I'd like to see like, you know, you know, Laura Ingraham and Tucker Carlson. I love you, Lolo. I love, T. Carl. I love you, T. Carl. Cool, right? I mean, just try it just for a week down it goes.

GUTFELD: That is an amazing idea. I wonder if anybody would catch on.

LONG: I love you G -- J (INAUDIBLE) I love you -- hey, I love you, G.G. You're my brother. Kind of great. And I -- and I, you know, and I mean no disrespect. But if one of those people is fired, for whatever reason and they sue for $100 million. They will trash the place.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: That is what you do for $100 million.

GUTFELD: Yes. And then you never work again because you don't have to because you got, you know.

LONG: You have $100 million.

GUTFELD: Which today is about 10 million. I don't get out of bed for 100 million, Carley.

CARLEY SHIMKUS, FOX AND FRIENDS FIRST HOST: But when it comes to the Cuomos, It's -- I mean, their ego was so big. It's like a movie. There's just going to be a downfall.

GUTFELD: Right.

SHIMKUS: And it's like they haven't even been humbled. Like you said, Chris Cuomo isn't worth $125 million. Is he crazy? And then let's not forget, when Andrew Cuomo was making his resignation speech, his rebuttal to sexually harassing 11 women was that he was Italian.

GUTFELD: Right.

SHIMKUS: And then he -- and he made that prosperous explanation with a straight face like everybody would believe him. So no, the one isn't going to get -- going to get or shouldn't get the 125 million, and the other is not going to be governor again.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, and that means an opening for Janice Dean which I do believe that she would win. But Kat, I want to ask you a question. Because it's -- I -- when I was --

SHIMKUS: I'm scared.

GUTFELD: What is -- I mean, how do you know if you're not -- how do you know if you're not fake? Like I -- would if -- I mean, I could be fake. I think my point is fake people don't know they're fake. Like they just did - - they did all of that for years. And they're fake, but they didn't know that. Like, you ever wonder if you're fake or real?

TIMPF: No, because for me, it's the lack of impulse control that prevents me from being fake.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I think it has to do more thinking in order to develop that. But I guess -- you don't know. He thought it was as cool thing but again, $125 million, that is also an insane number. Like for future earnings, he has a lot of confidence, you know, in his career for being the guy with the show nobody watched.

GUTFELD: Yeah, exactly. That's the weird thing. They get terrible ratings.

MONTGOMERY: What if you did that with Shannon Bream, though, what if you toss her and you're like, I love you, Shannon Bream. She was like, I am so uncomfortable.

GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.

MONTGOMERY: She's like, please start calling me again.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes. I'll just do it to Mike Emanuel. Should -- last question, should Janice Dean run?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes?

TIMPF: because --

SHIMKUS: I would vote for her in a heartbeat.

TIMPF: Yes.

SHIMKUS: Yes.

TIMPF: And also - -and Cuomo called her a bitch which like OK, men get called bitches if they're weak, but women get called bitches for being assertive. So that already means she's a leader. Plus, she doesn't strike me as much of a groper.

GUTFELD: No, that's true. That's true.

SHIMKUS: Although politics is awful. She's too good for that.

GUTFELD: However, with her weather background, she'll always know when to call in the snowplow.

MONTGOMERY: That's absolutely right and she's not going to close schools because now they're all Zooming.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: She would be fantastic. Kathy Hochul sucks. She got -- she's the current New York governor that no one knows.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: She got booed at a Rangers game the other night when she dropped the ceremonial puck. See no good either.

GUTFELD: What a pucking idiot.

LONG: I'm a single-issue voter.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: If I can go and get a drink and then walk out of the restaurant with a drink and walk down the street with it. You have my vote.

GUTFELD: There you go. That's so true.

LONG: That's -- so I am definitely governor Kathy partisan right now.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

LONG: But I'm willing to listen to other offers from other --

GUTFELD: I'll talk to Janice. I'm going to be her like invisible advisor. No, I won't. I won't do that. I'm too lazy and I really don't care. All right. Up next, the last action hero says Putin's credibility is zero. Very quiet.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: I kind of like it. I like it because it makes this feel like a podcast.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: A plea from the terminator do not believe your dictator. Yes, the Kindergarten cop asks Russia to stop. And what might be his best work since True Lies. Arnold Schwarzenegger has released an emotional nine-minute video addressing the people of Russia. Its powerful, persuasive, impolite, which matters. And its attempt to give the basic facts about Vlad Putin's invasion of Ukraine.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER, FORMER GOVERNOR OF CALIFORNIA: I'm speaking to you today. Because there are things that are going on in the world that have been kept from you. Terrible things that you should know about. The world has turned against Russia because of its actions in Ukraine. The destruction that Russian bombs are raining down on innocent civilians, has so outraged the world that the strongest global economic sanctions ever taken have been imposed on your country.

This is not the war to defend Russia, that your grandfather or your great grandfather's fought, this is an illegal war.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So yes, very heartfelt and honest. He even talked about his father being a Nazi. Wow, him too. Sorry, dad. Last name is Gutfeld. He's pissed. All right. While addressing the Russian government's claims that its troops were part of the denazification of Ukraine.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SCHWARZENEGGER: He was injured in Leningrad with the Nazi army that he was part of, the vicious harm to the great city and to its brave people. When my father arrived in Leningrad, he was so pumped up on the lies of his government, he lived the rest of his life in pain, pain from a broken back, pain from the shrapnel that always reminded him of these terrible years. And pain, from the guilt that he felt.

To the Russian soldiers listening to this broadcast, you've seen it with your own eyes. I don't want you to be broken like my father.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh. Wow. Arnold also addresses Putin himself, who actually follows Arnold on Twitter, and the people protesting in Russia against him.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SCHWARZENEGGER: The those in power in the Kremlin, let me just ask you. Why would you sacrifice this young man for your own ambitions? To President Putin I say, you started this war. You're leading this war, you can stop this war. To all of the Russians who have been protesting on the streets against the invasion of Ukraine. The world has seen your bravery, you have been arrested, you've been jailed and you've been beaten. You are my new heroes, you have the true heart of Russia.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, the big question, will it actually have any impact? Or will it be ignored like Terminator Three? Either way your moves sliced Stallone. So, Carley, I thought that was -- it was -- I thought it was pretty impressive. But do you think it'll have any impact?

SHIMKUS: Yes. Well, first of all, usually, celebrity videos during a time of crisis are not good. Like Gal Gadot Imagine thing. This is an exception to the rule. I thought -- -I thought it was great.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SHIMKUS: To answer your question, that's the problem, is that we've been talking to a lot of anti-Putin Russians on "Fox and Friends and -- First and about what Russians know, you know, what do they know? How do they really feel about this war? And they all say the same thing that if you are young, and you live in Moscow, or St. Petersburg, you have access to social media. There's a good chance that you know what's going on. But Russia is so big and vast.

There's a lot of areas where all you have is state-run T.V. And so, you do believe the propaganda. So, unfortunately, the people that are most likely to see that video already know what's going on and it's not going to reach the folks who it needs to.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's funny, Rob, I talked to my wife, Elena who is Russian.

LONG: Sure, she is Russian.

GUTFELD: Yes, she is. As far as I know. But she thought it was great. She thought it was great. She's in Poland right now. I've asked if it would -- if it would move the needle, and she sent me a string of laugh emojis.

LONG: Wow.

GUTFELD: FolLongd by a capitalized no. And it was like -- and it was -- and she's somebody, you know, a very, very, very anti-Putin (INAUDIBLE) and she says -- I think she's basically saying that, like in Russia, they, you know, they don't even have free -- they don't have freedom of speech. So, we -- we're thinking -- we're thinking that they're going to react the way we do.

LONG: I -- also I just say, like, she probably is very used to laughing at you and saying, no.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Just to be fair, I'm not taking anything away from her analysis.

GUTFELD: I walked into that and I -- it felt great by the way.

LONG: But yes. I mean, you don't necessarily need that. I mean, the Russian Revolution didn't happen because all of the Russian people were in favor of it.

GUTFELD: Right.

LONG: You do need a core group of people to agree. So, a core can be very effective. I mean, I, you know, look, this is a very, very great thing he did. So, I -- it pains me to have to make this joke. When he was running for the governor of California, very effectively he won. And people said, hey was your dad a Nazi? He was like, it's very confusing time. We don't know, very murky a long time ago. And now suddenly --

GUTFELD: His dad --

(CROSSTALK)

LONG: Not only a Nazi, but you know where he was deployed and I -- were like, we know his injuries and everything. So, like, he's kind of invoking Nazi privilege. Now, it's like, hey, listen --

GUTFELD: Nazi privilege.

LONG: My dad was a Nazi.

GUTFELD: So, yes.

LONG: So maybe you should sit this one out.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

LONG: Now he's like weird, OK? But, you know, look, the more of this the better. Like the -- it is only young in people St. Petersburg and Moscow, that can be very effective.

GUTFELD: It's funny if Arnold runs for office again. What is he going to (INAUDIBLE)

LONG: Oh, no. He's not. I said (INAUDIBLE) finished. I didn't say Nazi.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: -- Nazi in Springtime for Hitler.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: Off Broadway.

LONG: He was a trainer doing --

GUTFELD: Nazi.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. Now I'm doing terrible impression too, Kat.

TIMPF: Yes, you are.

GUTFELD: That's -- I don't think Putin actually reads his Twitter feed. But --

TIMPF: I don't think so. He's probably really stressed out (INAUDIBLE) So, I don't get it. I just don't get the -- I don't get why you want to do a war. Like, it's probably like -- your life is probably less stressful before you decided to do a war and kill a bunch of people. And everybody hate you.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So, no, he's probably not looking at Twitter. Like, I don't look at my Twitter. And I'm sure the tweets being directed at him are probably slightly more mean than the ones directed at me. But yes, this video was great.

GUTFELD: Yes. Video was good.

TIMPF: It was good.

GUTFELD: What do you think, Kennedy? I mean, do you think that this is -- this could actually have some impact or am I just being stupid?

MONTGOMERY: It has more impact in the United States.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: It does. And who knows, I thought it was very smart to add the Cyrillic. So, people, even if they don't speak English, they can read along and understand what he's saying. It was incredibly personal. But, you know, to Carley's point, because she makes a great point about people and generations and social media. That's one of the problems with the Russian army. Is you've got 18-year-old conscripts who were all on TikTok.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: And so -- and they're seeing information from their peers. They know this is completely fraudulent. And that's why, you know, a lot of them are shooting themselves and getting themselves out.

GUTFELD: Do you think that's true or is that -- I read those stories. I can't make heads or tails about the shooting, the desertion and all that stuff, but I don't know. What -- I --

MONTGOMERY: No, I think it's -- part of that is absolutely true. And if you just look at the timeline and how long Russia has been in Ukraine, this was supposed to be --

GUTFELD: Like two days.

MONTGOMERY: A two-day jaunt for Putin, you know. To Kat's point like, he doesn't -- he doesn't read. He's like the Kamala Harris of Russia. Only in terms of the fact that he does read his briefing book.

GUTFELD: Right.

LONG: Right.

MONTGOMERY: Like that -- that's where the similarities end. All right?

LONG: Five more minutes on that because I think you can come up with some more.

TIMPF: I think there's a book in there.

GUTFELD: All right. Well, that was interesting. up next. Why do Libs think it's clever to wear masks forever? Hmm. So quiet it is.

LONG: It's like the masters.

GUTFELD: Yes. I --

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

JONATHAN HUNT, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Welcome to Fox News Live. I'm Jonathan Hunt in the Lviv where Russian missiles struck for the first time since the war began Lviv's mayor said cruise missiles hit an aircraft repair facility just a few miles from the city center, and close to the Polish border. There were no reported deaths but the facility was destroyed. More death and destruction in Kyiv. One person was killed when a Russian missile hit an apartment building, 12 People were rescued from the rubble.

President Biden and China's President Xi Jingping talked virtually about Russia's invasion for nearly two hours this morning. The President warned China would face stiff consequences if they provide military or economic aid to Russia. Xi urged the president to negotiate with the Kremlin while blaming the U.S. for the crisis. Keep with Fox News for all the updates. I'm Jonathan Hunt. Now, let's go back to "GUTFELD."

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: They want you to wear masks until you die, even if there's no reason why. A recent poll, aren't they all? In the New York Times shows that more than 60 percent of very liberal Americans think mask mandates should continue for the near future. While most conservatives and moderates disagree.

No word of those same liberals think you should continue wearing a cast once your broken leg is healed or if you should continue feeding your goldfish after it's dead. So, the mask has become an identity marker for the left where the appeal of government intrusion, Trump's living a normal life. As for masking kids, Adam Carolla compared it to crate training in a recent podcast.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ADAM CAROLLA, THE ADAM CAROLLA SHOW: You cannot train a dog when it's middle aged, you got to get them when they're puppies and get them trained up into that crate. And that's what we're doing with kids because this will this will not be the last emergency and not be the last time the government and the governor and the mayor need to exact their power.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He's making extra money at Uber. I like that. Man --

ROB LING, WRITER: Worst stupid driver ever.

GUTFELD: Exactly. Doing a podcast, well --

LONG: I'm for a quiet ride.

GUTFELD: Exactly. So anyway, that kind of makes sense to me, but Seth Meyers sees it differently. He praised children for masking up on something called NPR -- never heard of it.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SETH MEYER, COMEDIAN: I do want to look back at this time and tell my kids, hey, it was a you did a really cool thing for two years. You guys wore masks when you went to school, and that was great that you did that. That was the sacrifice that you did for other people.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, and all they had to sacrifice was their health education and dignity. Talk about cool. Now shut up and get back in your crates. All right, Kat, two competing ideas. Carolla thinks masks are crate training and Seth sees it as a noble action. Where do you stand sit or --

LISA KENNEDY-MONTGOMERY, FOX BUSINESS HOST: Lay?

GUTFELD: Lay. There you go.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: (INAUDIBLE) with either of those guys. Yes, but I think they're still saying that have to wear them because of science, like they're still saying follow the science. We know that isn't true.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: Like so much evidence has come out that doesn't really make a difference and except for it can do a lot of harm. There has been, been any studies done on the crate training. Explanation as far as I know, so could be true, at least that one could potentially be true.

GUTFELD: Well as a Californian, who here has been in California.

TIMPF: Ever? Like, yes --

GUTFELD: It's a trick question. You all have to leave. Rob, when I was growing up during the drought of the 70s, they would -- they told us to only have like five-minute showers.

LONG: Right.

GUTFELD: That's essentially what I've been doing now for the rest of my life. I can't be in a shower longer than five to seven minutes depending on how horny I am, but I don't like -- it actually does kind of work, Rob.

MONTGOMERY: That's a bummer.

LONG: I have now even more uncomfortable than I was when I was uncomfortable. Ah, no, I get his point. I don't think it's really true. You know, look, you can't like the Seth Meyers thing. It's like, when you say your kid, would say to kids, like, you know, we're all just going to have vegetables now. It's vegetables are fun and crunchy, and they're like candy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: The candy is candy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: But the second thing is like, I don't care like if the left wants to like have a mandate that they must wear masks, they should wear them. They should wear more than one. I think that people who are on the left should wear five masks. So, that I can't hear them talk.

GUTFELD: It is.

LONG: But that's up to them. It's like I don't care. I just, I'm not wearing one.

GUTFELD: You know what, Kennedy, you know what I, I would like to have in my car. Or just with me. It's just like a --

MONTGOMERY: A live hooker.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: Well, they all, they all start alive, yes.

GUTFELD: One, he's been one summer butchering hookers, and now lets you forget it.

LONG: Right.

TIMPF: There was a face.

LONG: Did they call you Greg, the talk show host, no?

GUTFELD: It's Greg, the hooker butcher. You know, the, I want a machine, Kennedy, that when you see -- I think what drives you crazy, is I don't care what people do. I honestly don't give a damn. But when kids are walking outside or playing, and you're wearing masks because there's a, there's a school where I live, it's hard to believe. I just want to be one of those, take off the mask. Just a blow horn because that's what it seems so mutant.

MONTGOMERY: Especially the younger kid.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: The younger kids don't contract and they don't transmit COVID.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: And it's sad that that's a statement that has to be said out loud at this point.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: But I do agree with Adam, that this is all about compliance, right? And this is all about conditioning people who are the most vulnerable to conditioning to be compliance and to listen to your overlords to listen to the state, to listen to edicts without thinking, suspending any critical thought at all whatsoever, because the second you employ critical, critical thought you are deemed the enemy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: And that is what has happened in story after story, and different parts of the country, people who stood up and said, there's something wrong with this, they were outright canceled. And so, and, and Adam is absolutely right. In terms of conditioning kids for compliance, it is an outrage. It is moral. And he also, without doing it overtly; he's making a great case for school choice, because demonstrative annoying parents, like Seth Meyers can send their masked kids to one school and be compliant. The rest of us should be able to choose rational schools where kids can have fun.

LONG: But also, you can't train kids for compliance. They will rebel, they always do. They tried a lot hard --

MONTGOMERY: If it's yellow, let it mellow. I bet Greg doesn't flush the toilet.

LONG: But he does. And they've been trying to do this for a thousand years. Kids, eventually, Seth Meyers' kids are going to say what the hell is that wearing a mask for?

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: You know, that's not they're going to do. But so, I mean, in a way, let them do it. Look, they should put their preferred pronouns on the mask, like --

GUTFELD: There you go.

LONG: Use the space.

GUTFELD: That's a great combo, right?

CARLEY SHIMKUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Yes, I think, I think long term, you're right, but little kids. I mean, I see little kids walking up and down the street all the time outside wearing masks. I think that's what he's talking about the crate training is, even though they don't need to wear masks anymore, a lot of them don't even remember a time before masks.

So, it's like, shoes, pants, shirt, let's put the mask on. And the most infuriating thing was that Eric Adams lifted the mask mandate for everybody, but kids under five. So, you could be 85 years old, have comorbidities, you don't have to wear a mask in a crowded room, but a preschooler does. How does that make sense?

TIMPF: Infant child.

SHIMKUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: A fetus.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Can we get that mask inside the uterus?

SHIMKUS: Don't give him any ideas.

GUTFELD: That's a great idea.

TIMPF: Are you OK?

GUTFELD: I don't know.

LONG: How the machine -- help me understand what you thought you were doing?

GUTFELD: I was firing a tiny capsule with an expanding mask in it up into the uterus and then it hits the baby in the face, and it goes -- like that. How could you not see that? It was in my head.

LONG: Right.

GUTFELD: You people, you know you're supposed to help the host.

MONTGOMERY: There's like a membrane. There's a sack around the baby.

LONG: We want to help you. We just don't know how to get in there.

MONTGOMERY: You can't break the sack.

GUTFELD: I don't need your help.

LONG: Right.

GUTFELD: Oh, just, what --

MONTGOMERY: There's a sack around the baby.

GUTFELD: I don't need your sex ed.

MONTGOMERY: I think you do. This is like the one think that you might actually be helpful.

GUTFELD: Look, I did -- I went to med school online, I know everything. Coming up, will trekkies boo or cheer when Stacey Abrams hits the final frontier?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

LONG: I think it's fascinating.

GUTFELD: Me too. Set your phasers to stun for a president of Earth who's never won. Failed Georgia gubernatorial -- hate that word -- candidate, Stacey Abrams, made a surprise cameo this week on an episode of Star Trek Discovery, playing the president of earth. That's how you know Star Trek is great fiction, they have Abrams winning an election.

Of course, she's most known for refusing to concede her 2018 lost the Republican Brian Kemp, and claiming the election was stolen, so it's no surprise her liberal groupies in Hollywood would fantasize about her being her becoming the literal ruler of the world. Good thing in space, no one can hear you scream.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Today, we greet the president of United Earth. Madam President.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Madam President.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Welcome. I am so pleased that you've come. We are eager to begin diplomatic discussions.

STACEY ABRAMS, FORMER GEORGIA STATE REPRESENTATIVE: Nothing to discuss. United Earth is ready right now to rejoin the federation. And nothing could make me happier than to say those words. Thank you. Thank you, all.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: No, thank you. Side note, Star Trek Discovery airs on the Paramount Plus Network, which you would never know if you had a girlfriend. Rob, when you were when you're producing Cheers --

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: Did you ever think about, hey, let's get Walter Mondale on?

LONG: No, we had John Kerry on though. Oh, no, no, we didn't, we had -- no, we had I think we had Dukakis on, he was the Mayor, he was the Governor of Massachusetts.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.

LONG: But also, I have to say in Kerry and Dukakis' defense, they won elections.

GUTFELD: Yes.

LONG: They actually won them. She lost and then moaned and whined about it and lied about it and refused to accept the truth, like another person we could mention.

GUTFELD: But we won't.

LONG: I'm just going to be like, I think he deserves a Star Trek cameo. I mean, if we're giving them out.

GUTFELD: He's a TV star in his own right, Rob.

LONG: Can you imagine that? It'd be better there, coming down off the plane? I am the leader of the planet of the enormous pants. That would've been great.

GUTFELD: By the way, Carley, I think President of Earth was too small for her. Shouldn't she have been president of the universe?

SHIMKUS: President of the universe.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SHIMKUS: No.

GUTFELD: No.

SHIMKUS: Um, I think that this was a very brave undertaking for her.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SHIMKUS: I saw, I was watching Instagram video, I just was scrolling and I -- Anne Hathaway said that Nicole Kidman was brave to play Lucille Ball. So, now I'm calling every actor brave. Very brave. It's a brave role.

GUTFELD: I find, I think I'm very brave for doing this show, Kat. Don't you agree? I'm very brave to come out here, and, and brave the slings there.

TIMPF: Yes, thank you for your service.

GUTFELD: I have to fish for it.

LONG: You have the courage to face your salary.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Oh, and my driver oh. Sometimes --

LONG: Oh.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, is she not -- she should be nominated for an Emmy. And if she isn't, it's racist.

TIMPF: She probably will be nominated for an Emmy. I just like, it didn't look that difficult. Like I, I don't know. I would do any show though. No, not "Naked and Afraid."

GUTFELD: No, please.

TIMPF: No, because I'm like cold right now. Something I could like spend the night in a tundra. It'd be like what's -- one survival item, I brought an axe. I'd be like nicotine gum is that bad? Like, I would not --

LONG: I have to say, she was not bad. I got to say that, she was not bad in that clip.

GUTFELD: No, she wasn't, she wasn't. She wasn't. But they --

SHIMKUS: She's a big fan of "Star Trek," that's why.

GUTFELD: It's all the same.

TIMPF: It's all the same. It's all the same losers who watch it.

GUTFELD: Yes, Kennedy, bunch of losers. Bunch of nerds. Let's go beat them up.

MONTGOMERY: That's actually -- that hurts, Greg, do you know why?

GUTFELD: Why?

MONTGOMERY: I was on an episode of Star Trek Voyager.

GUTFELD: Really?

MONTGOMERY: Yes.

GUTFELD: What did you do, play, tell me?

MONTGOMERY: I was, I was just a working person.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow.

SHIMKUS: Do you have a line?

MONTGOMERY: Um, yes. But I don't know if it made it.

GUTFELD: I was --

MONTGOMERY: I believe my line was, the suit is so flattering, it makes my human like breasts seem enormous. I believe that was the line.

GUTFELD: I don't believe that for a second.

MONTGOMERY: I believe that was. I think it was.

TIMPF: Don't deny her experience.

MONTGOMERY: It was the 90s, it's fuzzy, but yes, Stacy's she was -- she wasn't good in that. She wasn't good. She doesn't deserve to be there.

GUTFELD: Well, you're saying that because you're racist. It's amazing how racist everybody is except for me. Up next, men blame mistakes on happenstance, but ladies take a different stance.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Dude suck, they blame bad luck. For ladies, it's clearer, they look in the mirror. Researchers from the University of Paris, home of mines and sadness recently, recently looked at a massive amount of survey data from 15-year-old students from over 72 countries. Turns out women are more likely to blame themselves when they fail, while men tend to chalk up failures to bad luck. But really aren't we comparing apples to oranges? Men and women have different goals. For a guy success or failure might come from solving a complex economic problem; for a woman, however, it could be efficiently loading the dishwasher. A sexist might say, how dare you? Kat, thoughts?

TIMPF: I mean, I just don't understand it was all 15-year-olds?

MONTGOMERY: Yes.

TIMPF: 100 percent likelihood that you're not a man, if you're 15. So, I understand. If you're 15, everything is your fault, because you're dumb, because you're 15.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true.

SHIMKUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: What?

SHIMKUS: I don't know why I just said yes. It just felt right.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: That's my excuse for a lot of things.

SHIMKUS: I do tend to blame myself for failures.

GUTFELD: That's why you're successful. I wish more people would blame themselves because then they do better work. They try harder if you take responsibility for your mistakes. We live in a society where people blame their parents. They blame society. They blame me, when I accidentally run over them. What do you think? What do you think about this finding?

MONTGOMERY: I have two teenage girls.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: Should be in charge of nothing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MONTGOMERY: I don't -- you know, it's like, I can't believe they admitted that that was their pool of subjects, like yes, a bunch of 15-year-olds, dumbest of the world, probably even no exaggeration there at all whatsoever. I want to be the gender that hits the sweet spot between guilt and delusion. You know, because you shouldn't be alLongd to say men do this and women do this. Like, you should not in society be alLongd to say that. But I want to be the gender where you do the best things like whatever, you know, men do better here --

LONG: Let's hold on to those shisha --

GUTFELD: I don't understand what's going on.

LONG: Right. I want to know what the what they actually said. Did the women who were surveyed say, it's my fault or did they say it's my fault? Because it does -- tone of voice matters.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.

LONG: I've heard that. I've heard that it's my fault a lot, I've never really heard the it's my fault.

GUTFELD: Yes, but you know, this is bad information to give to a guy, right? Because he's going to use it against the girl. You know, you know, while you're not going out with me, it's your fault.

TIMPF: That's worked on me before. I definitely -- my tendency to blame myself combined with men blaming me for something, I'm like, you're right.

GUTFELD: Yes. That's what I'm telling you. It's like, this is bad stuff. Powerful stuff.

LONG: Well, it's nice that you can come to work here and have such a reinforcing, and positive, and supportive atmosphere.

TIMPF: Very kind. Yes.

GUTFELD: I'm a caring, I'm a caring boss.

LONG: Yes.

GUTFELD: I really am. It's, it's true.

MONTGOMERY: A sexist would say.

GUTFELD: Alright, don't go away. We'll be right back. How's that for TV?

LONG: That's pretty good. We were having a conversation.

GUTFELD: No, you know what, it's too bad, the chairs aren't close so we could lean in and do that -

LONG: I have one more thing --

GUTFELD: Yes.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Kennedy, Rob Long, Carley Shimkus, Kat Timpf. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Mike Emanuel is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.

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