Gutfeld blasts Dems, media for border narrative
'Gutfeld!' panel reacts to the media's latest false narrative on the southern border
This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," September 21, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes. Happy Tuesday, everyone. It's great to see Joe Machi is on today. I wonder what he's been up to.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
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GUTFELD: Well, Joe, I had no idea you were such a thrill seeker. No?
JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: No, not really, not.
GUTFELD: Well, thank you for that. All right. So it's no longer a border crisis. It's an unmitigated border disaster mega crisis. Thousands upon thousands living under a Texas bridge and not in a good way. You know, if this was spring break and those were partying undergrads, the outrage would be palpable. It's a super spreader event. There -- where are the masks? Why aren't they six feet apart? What are they think this is, the Emmys?
Which raises the obvious question, how did it get this bad? Well, it's simple. The media does its best not to cover bad news with their guys in office, or in Delaware, or wherever Joe's wandered off to in an open robe. His hands sticky from rocky road. Remember, it's not what they report on, it's what they emit that does the real damage. As long as Democrats are in power, the media holds the reins, yes, the reins. We'll get to that.
Now Fox covered the border under both Trump and Biden. And the fact is, we'd all be like Biden and Harris, totally clueless about the border if it weren't for Fox News is amazing coverage. If Trump were in charge, you can bet all the networks would be covering it like the Kennedy assassination. They'd be patting themselves on the back with one hand and doing God knows what with the other.
Instead, they buried this story like Joe Biden does with a private gin pill and Joe's morning scone. So it takes Fox News to shame the crummy media into doing their job. Consider this, more than 12,000 migrants are packed in a refugee camp in America, a camp. Remember that phrase? How the media often predicted that Donald Trump was going to put people in camps? They got the camps part, right?
Except that took them to elect Biden so they could get the camps just like that famous republican tyrant FDR. And what do you hear from the media? Well, they're as quiet as Joe and his 1:00 p.m. nap. Until now, of course, yes, in case you wondered if there was a way to get the media to finally care about the border, there is. You flip it so that we Americans become the monsters, then their heads turn so fast, they'll need a chiropractor.
So out comes a story that the Border Patrol on horseback, were whipping Haitians trying to enter the country. Yes, Americans were whipping black people. Again, just like the old days when Democrats were in charge. And so the media is now all over this story spreading this unchecked manure like a professional landscaper. They know if the story could be wielded as a weapon against America they do it whether it's true or not.
When it comes to hating America, the Taliban has nothing on these clowns. Initially, both the DHS Secretary and the Border Control Chief explained that those aren't whips, but reins to control the horses, which may make sense. It protects the horses in the people closest to them. But don't tell that to the media who could only react to images that inflame them. Remember Covington? Who needs contact -- context when you have one inflammatory moment?
Here's a picture of border patrol on a horse in a stream. So how long before CNN accuses these Border Patrol men of trying to drown horses in the Rio Grande? Now you know what, it's been a while since I wrote a horse. Kentucky Derby 2004. I came in eighth. Turns out you have to be on top of the horse. But even I knew this story was kind of odd. Yamiche Alcindor on PBS described the border patrol as seemingly using whips, before asking Jen Psaki if they should be fired.
Seemingly, just like PBS is seemingly a news organization just because they have three letters in their name. Even if -- even if those letters stand for pure (BLEEP) but I guess -- probably be bleeped at home but you can figure out what the B.S. stands for. But the suffering of 12,000 refugees didn't matter until she found someone in law enforcement to smear.
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JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: Yamiche, it's all good questions. We just saw this footage. It's horrible to watch. I just have to get more information on it.
(CROSSTALK)
PSAKI: April, I don't -- I don't have more information on it. I've also seen the video. I can't imagine what the scenario is where that would be appropriate.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh, I can imagine the scenario. But enough about my Golden Girls fantasy. In it, I'm tied up and each one has a writing crop. Maybe I should have just stopped with I have a fantasy. Remember the good old days when reporters actually use their brains and their feet and ran down a story? Yes, neither do I. Now they just see something online. And that's their source. It's a common thing.
Ignore a big story because those images undermine your political side. But embrace one image because they can then frame it any way they want. So run with the image, ask questions later. Call it Covington 101.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All right, people were journalists. We've already reached our conclusions. Let's go find some evidence.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I found some shocking photos and I checked all our sources, Instagram and TikTok.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, that's not good enough. Better double check Twitter too.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Got you. Here's what I found. It's a lady yelling at a cat. Presumably about the wage gap.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, not that -- oh, make sure the cat identifies as a cat.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh. And there's this. This is an elderly man. He's cold. He's alone. I presume he's some kind of war hero. Maybe Vietnam vet.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Pretty good. Definitely looks homeless with that haircut. Certainly not somebody who owns multiple homes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And this one, like a bunch of people under a bridge.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, that's not news.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: So this whip story also snagged ABC who prior to this didn't give a crap about the border crisis.
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DAVID MUIR, ABC NEWS ANCHOR: There are alarming images from the Texas border tonight. The White House pressed on them today calling the images horrific. What were some Border Patrol agents doing?
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GUTFELD: Look at what these agents are doing. Yes. It's called their job, Muir, try it some time. Turns out -- turns out he's as shallow as a supermodel in a kiddie pool. But he is handsome. And finally, the second dumbest man on CNN. I'll let you figure out the first. Goes all in with the slavery analogy.
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CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: We really are in the throes in this country of figuring out who we are, what we're about. And I was taken aback by a single image that should make you pay attention to a problem. As an image to me it does smack of a bygone era of slavery. Aided by reports of people being beaten, whether with a riding crop or the rains most likely. You may be drawn to the desperation of the man trying to escape others and the desperation of keeping our borders safe of what I believe the former president tried to depict as a brown menace at our border. None of this. None of it is new. And it is not isolated.
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GUTFELD: Yes, none of this is new, if you mean the hot garbage spewing forth from your gaping lying pie hole. And I don't blame -- I don't blame this jackass for not covering the border. He was too busy defending his corrupt brother and trying to save his job on a network hooked up to a respirator and in grave condition. Don't let his brother near the network. So instead of focusing on the thousands of Haitians living under a bridge, Chris grabbed hold of one outrageous image.
Like it was his favorite plastic dumbbell. And I don't mean Don Lemon. I guess we should be -- I guess we should be grateful for a liberal media finally paying attention to this crisis that they helped create by getting Biden elected. But it has nothing to do with compassion or journalism. They just found a way to do the story. So it's not about the White House, but instead evil law enforcement.
It's about Americans trying to do their jobs because the administration and the media, they won't do theirs. And now you watch the hacks in government suddenly changing their tune.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Images have come out of border patrol agents whipping Haitian immigrants. So my question to you, do you think that's a humane way to treat migrants?
ALEJANDRO MAYORKAS, DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY SECRETARY: You're assuming facts that have not yet been determined. To ensure control of the horse, long rains are used, but we are going to investigate the facts to ensure that the situation is -- as we understand it to be and if it's anything different, we will respond accordingly.
Any mistreatment or abuse of a migrant is unacceptable, is against Border Patrol policy.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: One image. So you see my point? It would be one thing if the press or Mayorkas had cared about the crisis while we cared about the crisis. All that footage we showed. You know if they followed this story and the government had acted, we wouldn't even be discussing this story because it wouldn't exist. Fact is this is just about seizing a story that suits them. They found a Boogeyman, a cop on a horse, and that's all they needed to pretend to care when they really truly don't give a damn at all.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's tonight's guest. He always knows where his laptop is. Philanthropist and Executive V.P. of the Trump Organization, Eric Trump. She's so bright someone else named Kat is too hung over to look at her. Author of the new book, No One Will Miss Her, Kat Rosenfield. He's the man of thousand faces and all of them terrify. Comedian Joe Machi. And opposites attract is a nice way of saying her husband never burned down reform school. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf.
All right. Eric, to the important questions. How do you think my sock choices today?
ERIC TRUMP, EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT, TRUMP ORGANIZATION: I like your socks, Greg.
GUTFELD: I'm not so sure.
(CROSSTALK)
TRUMP: -- elephants on my socks. You know.
GUTFELD: You got elephants?
TRUMP: Yes. Nice.
GUTFELD: Yes, I could see the elephants but I don't know. Mine are very stripy and dotty. I feel a little weird wearing them today. I thought I'd get that out of the way because I noticed you were staring at me and one -- staring at me and wondering what the hell is wrong with this person?
TRUMP: A little bit?
GUTFELD: Yes. That's OK. What do you -- why do you think the media is now ignored this crisis until now?
TRUMP: Well, it's horrible. And by the way, that hypocrisy is insane. Greg, last week, the Biden ministration droned a family of 10.
GUTFELD: That's true.
TRUMP: Drone. They took a hellfire missile and shot it at a family and then they lied about it. But yet, they want to demonize law enforcement who's riding a horse. They ignore that story but building a family of 10 including seven children. And then they throw law enforcement on, you know, the boat -- literally because they can't control a problem that they created. It's horrible.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TRUMP: It's absolutely horrible.
GUTFELD: It's amazing to me, Kat, Kat number one. You'll be Kat number two.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I mean, I was first.
GUTFELD: Yes. But --
TIMPF: In your life. But go ahead.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. But she's a guest. So she gets number one and you get number two.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: OK? Or you can go sit in your room. All right? I don't want to get any backtalk from you anymore. Seriously. She has her own phone. She has car privileges. And yet she's constantly here complaining.
TIMPF: Too much advance notice for the car though, I like to live -- feel a little more free spirited than that.
GUTFELD: But it's only you who can drive the car.
TIMPF: Not well.
GUTFELD: No. Kat one. I apologize for Kat two. So here we have -- I love -- this Chris Cuomo thing drives me crazy because you have like months and months of all these disturbing visions, images on the border. And then he goes, all I need is one image to make -- to make the whole story as he denied everything else. Why do you think -- how can you not see this blind spot?
KAT ROSENFIELD, CULTURE WRITER/NOVELIST: I mean, this is a thing. You know, this is a problem with how news is reported across the board. There's this desire to find this tribal narrative as if, you know, Americans are too stupid to understand the nuances of a crisis, like what's happening at the border unless there's a villain that they can hate.
GUTFELD: Right.
ROSENFIELD: And I don't know, it makes me crazy. I really would like for the people who are responsible for reporting this, for disseminating this information to the public and for leading the conversation about it to just stick with the truth because the truth is horrifying enough. It's very upsetting. You know, we could just use the truth.
GUTFELD: Yes, we could use the truth, Joe. I always say that to you.
MACHI: Yes, yes.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: -- for work in the morning.
MACHI: I still yarn. You know that.
GUTFELD: Yes. You do spin those yarns. And you make a mean sweater, too. Yes. So anyway, any thoughts cross your strange and twisted mind? Why is it that reporters -- are they lazy or is it something biological that they see an image and they run with it? And they're taught -- they're taught about context, but they forget it, if it fulfills their cognitive bias.
MACHI: It fits the narrative. I was going to mention the drone strike and how they ignored that narrative after the fact. But Eric beat me to the punch. And I was also going to talk about how this problem has been ignored by the media for a very long time. Every time I hear the estimate of how many illegal immigrants are in the country, it's 11 to 22 million. That doesn't inspire confidence when the gap is 11 million people.
GUTFELD: Yes.
MACHI: Because that means you could deport theoretically 11 million people and there would either be zero people in the country illegally or 11 million people.
GUTFELD: Right.
MACHI: I'm sorry. I'm all messed up from that jet ski.
GUTFELD: Yes. Amazing. Amazing. How long you've been doing that?
MACHI: Oh, six or seven days.
GUTFELD: Really? You look like you've been doing it for years.
MACHI: I'm a good athlete.
GUTFELD: You really are. No, it's amazing. It was -- I -- I've been watching that on Loop. The hot tub. Kat two, any final thoughts on this very interesting story?
TIMPF: Yes, I did have a thought and I haven't heard it anywhere else and I haven't said it to anyone else. So why not try it out on the show that millions of people watch?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: I was looking at this. And obviously, we only ever talked about this when there is a crisis, and Congress should have already been doing something about this. This is their job. This doesn't happen in a system that's not totally messed up. But I did have a thought also.
GUTFELD: I thought that was the thought.
TIMPF: No. I have another one. I have two thoughts.
GUTFELD: Oh, you lied.
TIMPF: Kat two for two thoughts.
GUTFELD: OK.
TIMPF: This thought is, do any of these people, they -- do they want jobs? We have so many open jobs.
GUTFELD: True.
TIMPF: I am -- like, look, I am, you know, there's so many job openings. I want to take them with Jessica from New Jersey is too good to work at a restaurant. These people, what -- there's legal ways for refugees to be able to work in this country. And a lot of these people have seen some (BLEEP) OK?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: They're not going to call out because their boyfriend broke up with them the third time.
GUTFELD: Right. Good point.
TIMPF: Restaurants are struggling. There's job openings no one will take. But again, the entire system is too messed up and backlog to allow that. But why not let some of these people work?
GUTFELD: No. It's -- you're talking about fixing a process that makes people who want to come and work here replace people who aren't working here.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: I mean --
GUTFELD: I would - I would vote for that. It's -- but you know what, I don't think anybody would want to work at a restaurant right now where they're going to be accused of being racist or because you're for -- you ask for a vaccine card.
TIMPF: Well, I don't know. Well, Jessica can keep working on her fashion blog and people who want jobs can take the job.
GUTFELD: You know, that was a cheap stab at Jessica and her fashion blog.
TIMPF: Well, you know what? You don't know how bad it is.
GUTFELD: All right. Up next. She went maskless during Toni! Toni! Tone!? Tone? Because she's phony, phony, phone. All right, is it (INAUDIBLE)
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(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This pandemic is making us stupid.
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GUTFELD: Is a public mask something you need? Well, not if you're London breed. Yes. The SF Mayor takes us for fools when she breaks her own COVID rules. Frisco Mayor -- I like saying Frisco. London Breed is defending herself after getting caught breaking her own protocols at a nightclub. Current San Fran rules required mask indoors even if you're vaxxed. They also recommend wearing gloves when you shoot up outside and empty Walgreens.
But apparently the mayor doesn't know that. And why should she? She's only in charge of the city. So Mayor Breed why'd you break your own rules?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MAYOR LONDON BREED (D) SAN FRANCISCO: There was something that was really monumental that occurred. And that is Toni! Toni! Tone! who have not performed in public for I believe, at least over 20 years. We were all having a good time and again, all vaccinated.
We don't need the fun police to come in and try and micromanage and tell us what we should or shouldn't be doing.
I got up and started dancing because I was feeling the spirit.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh, now it all makes sense. Tony, Tony, Tony haven't played together in forever. So it's OK. But if Toni! Toni! Tone! prevents disease, how can they give me dance fever? If Bell Biv Devoe starts touring I'm never wearing pants again. So apparently she's entitled to feeling the spirit but not anyone else. And she doesn't want to be the fun police. Even though she's its precinct captain. She is the mayor, typical far left Democrat. She doesn't support the real police or the fun police. But maybe she's right. The fun police are everywhere these days.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MACHI: Citizen you're not wearing a mask.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, Officer, I'm reading a book alone. And to be honest, you're not wearing a mask either, so.
MACHI: That's OK. I'm having fun.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I did not see it going in that direction. When I put forth the idea for a fun police skit. I said Joe, he's a hypocrite. I didn't really expect that. But that turned out better. Meanwhile, this week and other Dems not making any sense news, Jan Psaki had this exchange with Peter Doocy over not requiring negative COVID tests as for illegals.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PETER DOOCY, FOX NEWS WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENT: If somebody walks into the country right across the river, because somebody asked them to see their vaccination card.
PSAKI: Well, let me explain to you again, Peter, how our process works. As individuals -- as individuals come across the border, and they are both assessed for whether they have any symptoms, if they have symptoms. They are -- the intention is for them to be quarantined. That is our process. They're not intending to stay here for a lengthy period of time.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Not intending to stay? Isn't that the whole point of crossing the border illegally? Yes, I'm sure they'll head back home once their non- existing pieces expire like 22 million other temporary illegal immigrants. Or maybe they just wanted to live under the bridge in 100-degree weather for a quick vacation. Yes, Jen. They're just passing through on the way to Vancouver. All right, all right. Kat one, they seem to be -- I have a theory that politicians get into political power so they are exempt from their own rules that they want us to enforce. Do you buy that or what is your -- what are your thoughts?
ROSENFIELD: I mean, kind of like in practice, we've seen that that's the case over the course of the entire pandemic, how many times this happened where, you know, somebody who's a member of the political elite, makes a rule and is like, that's not for me. It's for poor people.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. It's for this servants who are handing my (INAUDIBLE) Joe, did I -- you serve a lot of food to rich people?
MACHI: Well, first off, Greg, I think that policeman, the sketch had a great body and some good moves. It could be working for Chippendales.
GUTFELD: Chippendales.
MACHI: You know, she doesn't like the police. She doesn't like the fun police. She probably isn't like Sting's band, The Police, she like Police Academy. But it seems like a lot of people do like the thought police and they don't want you to ask a lot of questions. And she said that it was OK for her to have a mask off because she had a drink at her table.
GUTFELD: Right.
MACHI: In a lot of places. That's the rule, which no one is asking that that doesn't make any sense. Because it's almost like saying, well, I have a drink. So it's OK if I can -- I can spread COVID now.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly. It's illogical. And Kat, this is happening everywhere. It's -- what do we -- how do we respond to this?
TIMPF: Yes. It's happening everywhere. But this one's worse because she was clearly being filmed by several people in that photos. It's not just that she doesn't, you know, think that they don't apply to her in her mind. She thinks nobody else will care. In a vacuum I completely agree with what she's saying.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: You can fit into a vacuum?
TIMPF: Yes. But she says, you know, I -- the amount of times, I have been feeling the spirit, tequila and I do things without thinking about it. And that's my justification is not a short list. The difference is, I don't expect other people to not do irresponsible things. In fact, I encourage it. So she sucks.
GUTFELD: Yes, she does. I would -- I don't think he should be crawling inside of vacuums. This is not a healthy thing for a young woman to do.
TIMPF: It helps me relax.
GUTFELD: Interesting.
TIMPF: The sensory deprivation tank in your own home.
GUTFELD: Yes. There you go. Eric, is there a band that would allow you to be an exact like -- hers is Toni! Toni! Tone! Is there any band that you would say, OK, this allows me to get away with all the -- all the rules that are enforced on others?
TRUMP: Zero. You know why? Because I'm a Republican. And that's why. Honestly I get fired for anything but what is it? Honestly, what is it and you kind of alluded to it can't. What is it about California? Right? Your Nancy Pelosi who did this the first time when she went to go get her hair cut and that was also in San Francisco and then you have Newsom going out to, you know, French laundry and doing the same thing there.
And now you have the Emmys where, you know what, if you're a Hollywood elite, if you're Hollywood, you know, royalty, you can go out and do whatever the hell you want. Americans are sick and tired of this nonsense. And why is it that most of this stems out of either San Francisco or California?
GUTFELD: Yes. You know what it's like they always say that the West Coast is ahead of everything. And they could be ahead on something really bad which I called it the let them eat cake phase. We might be watching something actually happening where we, the rest of the country are going to get really tired of this let them eat cake stuff that we're seeing by the elites. But anyway, I don't -- I don't know if that's going to go anywhere bad.
MACHI: I'm already tired of it.
GUTFELD: I can tell this. My goodness. Up next. Why didn't coloring his skin keep them from another electoral win?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: He won the race despite black on his face. Yep, it's a win for Trudeau, our woke racist bro. The live one a third term as prime minister of the great white north, which is ironic because he loves to wear black on his face.
This newly surfaced picture leaked on Twitter the day before his victory. Keyword there, victory, he's still one. Proving you can't keep a man of color down. The picture shows Justin appropriating an Aladdin character at a 2001 Arabian night's party.
And if you look closely, it appears he even painted his hands black. That's dedication to bigotry. But for me the tongue is what sends it over the top. Look at that, he's culturally appropriating Miley Cyrus.
Canada wants a guy wearing makeup with his tongue out they should elect Gene Simmons. I thought that would be funnier. Of course, this is the first time his black brown tan face has come back to haunt him. Pictures from the same event came out in 2019 and he apologized back then.
So, you got to wonder how many more painted party face photos does Justin have? There's more photos of him pretending to be Arab than of him actually being white. I mean, at least Ralph Northam was just one picture, not the whole damn yearbook.
Joe, are there any pictures of you I need to be worried about?
JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: No, Greg. There's no pictures of me being worried about but how about this? Don't you think, don't you think it's little weird when anyone ever portrays -- a white person ever purchase a race that's not white, they call it blackface?
GUTFELD: Yes.
MACHI: That seems a little racist. It's such an interesting thing that they just, it just we always call it that.
GUTFELD: What, what would you suggest?
MACHI: We could be a little more specific. Our criticism of politicians who do that but --
GUTFELD: Yes.
MACHI: Oh, no, I've never, I've never done anything like that. Luckily, I mean, I mean, I don't think there's no, no, no weird.
GUTFELD: And what's your -- why didn't, what, could you say that Canada is racist for accepting this? The entire country?
MACHI: Well, I think probably the problem is Justin Trudeau understands the problems of minorities, because he's, he's caused a lot of pain himself.
GUTFLD: Yes, that's true. That's true. Kat-1, do you still find them attractive?
KAT ROSENFIELD, CULTURE WRITER: Yes. I've always liked Trudeau, because you know, the nice thing about him being Canadian is that I don't really have to care about his politics, whatever. He's just a nice looking man. And I don't think he's really thought about how difficult it is for me personally, whenever he undergoes one of these scandals, like --
GUTFELD: Yes.
ROSENFIELD: I'd like for him to just photo dump all the remaining blackface photos so we can get it out of the way don't have to keep waiting for the other ships drop like lust after him in peace. Thank you.
GUTFELD: It must be tough for you because you have to go through this ordeal I'm talking about right now in this show as we lampoon this man, it's got to be hard for you.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: You're a victim.
ROSENFIELD: I am crying so hard inside.
GUTFELD: Eric, I'm not going to ask you if you still find him attractive. But should he? Look, he's winning elections, should he just be a black face all the time?
ERICK TRUMP, EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT, TRUMP ORGANIZATION: I just don't get it. Listen, I totally disagree. Like this guy reminds me of a little boy. So, we have a little boy running Canada and we have literally a guy who cannot walk up the stairs Air Force One running the United States of America. I just can't believe it. I mean, literally, the rest of the world has to be laughing at what's going on up. You can't take that picture seriously.
GUTFELD: Yes. You know what? It's all about his last name. That's all it is. Wait, Katie --
TRUMP: Easy, Greg.
GUTFELD: That was a great joke. The audience is like, hey, wait a second. Hold on their partner. Oh, they almost turned on me. All right, Kat, I was half joking about Canada being racist country, but I have a feeling that we've had a lot of Canadian people talking heads. You know, tell you know, playing the race card on us about our police encounters and, and in our politicians, how can they ever criticize or use the race card again, if in fact, they elected somebody who's been in black face so often?
TIMPF: He is also a sexist. Oh, because he said he told a woman that she can't say mankind, she has to say people kind. You're going to tell a woman that she's being sexist against herself. That's weird to me. I want to see a photo from this party that he is not in. Yes. Because he was like, I look good. Yes. And I'm going to be he's an every single picture. So, I would like to see if anyone has a photo from this party that he's not in. Let's see that. I wonder if there's maybe one or maybe there's not?
GUTFELD: No, there might be none at all.
MACHI: It seems like he was the only guy with a makeup artist.
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: Imagine being the only person that shows up in blackface.
TIMPF: And then being like, I look the best here.
GUTFELD: It's like showing up to a wedding shirtless. At some point, you have to be like, maybe this, is a poor choice. By the way, if there any conservatives, any conservative ever did this, they would never get a second chance. Meanwhile, everybody who has done it, who isn't a conservative is still working and whether it's an entertainment? Anyway, it's just a thought.
TRUMP: Go down the list, and there's a lot of it. Look at the governor of Virginia, the exact same thing.
GUTFELD: We're still not sure if he was in the -- this is the great thing. It might not be me in black face. I can be in the Klan hood. So, you were in the Klan hood? No, I'm not saying I was in the Klan hood. I could be in the blackface.
TIMPF: Yes, then he could say, I was never -- I never said I was in black. He can also say, I never said I was in the Klan hood.
GUTFELD: It's brilliant. All right, up next CNN's piece on a sexy velociraptor was also a piece of crap-tor.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: When you think of sex, do you think T-Rex? Yep, instead of errant drone strikes in illegal immigration, CNN highlights dinosaur copulation. Proving the network is on the verge of extinction, CNN sent this alert yesterday: "Prehistoric foreplay, dinosaurs must have had sex to reproduce. No (BLEEP)." But how they did it remains a mystery. As if that weren't stupid enough, the network was late to the dinosaur sex game by five years. Enough time for three Jurassic Park movies, talk about reproduction.
Forbes ran a report a report about how dinosaurs, Jurassic Port back in January 2016. Maybe that's why they haven't gotten around to covering the implosion of Russia gates or anything else for that matter. That aside, if you're still wondering about the dinosaur mating rituals, turns out males actually did a dance to try and woo their female counterparts. Apparently, that type of foreplay is what modern day birds do, as well as others who shall go unnamed. Joe?
MACHI: Wow.
GUTFELD: Yes. Did you ever wonder how dinosaurs made it?
MACHI: No, I did not Greg, leave it to CNN to take the most awesome creatures ever and make them boring. Like, oh, that T-rex is 30 feet tall and he can eat even a single bite But does he have a girlfriend? You know, that brought his sources 85 feet long and you can eat 20 tons in a day. But where are his balls, you know? Like, I'm not interested in how dinosaurs have sex and to tell you the truth, I'm not interested in how humans have said, because I remember in Sex Ed they said that the safest sex is abstinence and I'm like, that's all I need.
GUTFELD: You know, Kat, it seems to me that they'd already cornered the market of fossil sex with Jeffrey Toobin.
TIMPF: He's got to be nervous. I love that this happened for one reason, because there was a push notification.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Everybody's phone that we need to know about this. And when they saw a dinosaur foreplay, there was at least a handful of women. They got to go hey babe, dinosaurs were doing foreplay and start a fight with the man in their lives and there needs to be more of that.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: You guys not know a foreplay is? Three women just shake their head. Yes.
GUTFELD: This is, is a family show CAD we don't need to go in that direction. We're concentrating --
TIMPF: It's golf.
GUTFELD: It's what?
TIMPF: Golf.
GUTFELD: What's wrong with her? You know, Eric, I have a theory -- that if, well not a theory, if I were taking over CNN, I would jettison all the news and just do this type of stuff, because they're terrible at news. But they're not bad at like some of the nonfiction stuff, you know, history of the 70s, music of the South, the pilgrims in Red Dead sunshine, stuff like that. Like, they're -- it's safer for them, because they screw up the news.
TRUMP: They have literally gotten everything wrong over the last six years. I mean, absolutely everything wrong. And it's kind of interesting that they're talking about this whole, you know, sex scandal of dinosaurs, whereas, you know, their anchor, their main anchor is literally covering up for the governor of New York who has a sex scandal of his own. It's just kind of ironic, right?
GUTFELD: They don't let -- they should actually kind of be reviewing, sitting back and reviewing what their whole network is doing.
TRUMP: We shouldn't be talking about foreplay on this network right now.
GUTFELD: Because then it just opens up -- but see, I don't want them to because it opens up opportunities for me, Kat, to do stories like this. It's like great. I like it when they screw up like this because it's a D- block. That's our D-block right now. Stands for dinosaur.
ROSENFIELD: Does it? I don't know. I think you guys are --
GUTFELD: I got applause for that. Take that Machi.
MACHI: CNN, CNN had 60 million years to get this one right.
ROSENFIELD: You guys are completely failing to appreciate the gravity and importance of this dinosaur story. I think this is why they went extinct. They were busy doing foreplay, and they never got around to doing the actual sex.
GUTFELD: Right. A lot of premature prehistoric. Pre whatever.
TIMPF: They're all Catholic.
GUTFELD: Hey, go knock the Catholics.
TIMPF: I was raised Catholic and then I fell away. Now, look at me.
GUTFELD: My favorite segment. Up next, Ben and Jerry serves up another load of social justice ala-mode.
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GUTFELD: Welcome back. Now it's part of the show where we discuss Eric Trump's favorite red blends. Just kidding. It's time for.
ANNOUNCER: "TWO STUPID STORIES."
GUTFELD: First up, you'll love this ice cream treat if you want more crime on your street. Ben and Jerry's has released a new flavor changes brewing in support of the people's response act which would replace police officers with social workers, also known as the social workers suicide pact. Ben and Jerry's partnered with the bill's author, Cori Bush, you know, the lady who wants to defend the police but has her own private security and wants an eviction moratorium and has been evicted multiple times.
Meanwhile, a new survey by a health startup called the Gut Stuffs, found that 18 percent of U.K. adults said their biggest fear about returning to the office post pandemic was pooping at work. 53 percent said they've even left the office to go somewhere else. Wow. Like the park. Park can be nice. The Gut Stuffs number one suggestion for employers to make their employees less scared of doing number two, simply talk about it.
Yes, that's great advice, Gut Stuff. I would definitely clear it with H.R. before talking to your co-workers about where to poop. But you know what, maybe Ben and Jerry's can make a flavor that touches that problem. Or better yet create delicious new flavors based on the streets of San Francisco. How about scoop-o-poop?
Crap Frappe. And my favorite, feces pieces? Kat, I don't think there's a problem a poop joke can't solve.
TIMPF: That's why I was shocked that you said employer should not talk about it. You're my boss. You talk about poop quite a bit.
GUTFELD: Well, it's, it's part of life.
TIMPF: Right? Exactly. I mean, on this show? We do I don't know how many segments a month about poop. And if they're not, you can make almost anything about diarrhea. It's quite impressive. So, I would say, according to these people, you're an excellent boss.
GUTFELD: Thank you very much. Thank you. But Joe, I did these stories together and on purpose to link Ben and Jerry's because they are, what they're doing is wrong. But I've linked it to poop. So, when people go to bed, they're only going to think of Ben and Jerry's and poop. Did it work on you, Joe?
MACHI: That's diabolical, Greg. You're trying to ruin ice cream for me. And that's a good idea.
TRUMP: Hypnotizing you.
MACHI: Yes, too many chips to the ice cream store. I don't even run when I hear the ice cream truck. I walk slowly now. But you know, it was this, is one of those stories where, where it just makes me think does everything have to be political?
GUTFELD: Yes.
MACHI: You know, even dessert. So, I'm like, oh, let's see about that pie. Oh, that pie supports euthanasia. What -- all those Lorna Dunes boycott is real. The only thing I agree with is the flung.
GUTFELD: Why, why?
MACHI: Why is that to be the flung?
GUTFELD: I don't know, what do they believe in, anything?
MACHI: I didn't write at part, but low taxes for comedians.
GUTFELD: You know, Eric, if you buy this ice cream, you support defunding the police and your own obesity, which will kill you too. So, it's kind of like maybe it makes sense.
TRUMP: That's very, it's very ironic, Greg.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TRUMP: And it really is. I mean, who's going to go you know, when you have a person driving down the highway in the middle of the night going 100 miles an hour, like who's going to go pull them over? Like, you know, like this, like the guidance counselor that doesn't have the firearm like, like, who's, who's going to be responsible for wrestling that drug dealer in your kids school? You know, the person who walks in with Ben and Jerry's? No, that person's going to get killed? I think you're right. They're actually going to take care of their own problem.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TRUMP: It's ludicrous.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: I wished for a drug dealers when I was in school.
GUTFELD: I think that's a minority opinion. All right, Kat-1, is this -- OK. Poop or ice cream? You could talk about either one.
ROSENFIELD: Gee, how can I possibly decide?
GUTFELD: Yes, they don't do that on "SPECIAL REPORT."
ROSENFIELD: No?
GUTFELD: No, when they do their poop stories you have to answer that you have to answer the pointed questions about poop.
ROSENFIELD: Quite non-optional poop talk.
GUTFELD: Exactly.
ROSENFIELD: No, I'll talk about the ice cream.
GUTFELD: Yes.
ROSENFIELD: Ice cream, please. I -- this, is really a damn fine example of woke capitalism at work. It's actually brilliant. You know, you can convince people that they're supporting a cause that will never actually pass because it's wildly unpopular by just sitting on their asses eating ice cream.
GUTFELD: Yes.
ROSENFIELD: I'm going to I'm going to go home and solve world peace myself.
GUTFELD: Yes, with a pizza. All right, I think we're done here. Don't go away. We'll be right back.
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GUTFELD: We're out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Eric Trump, Kat Rosenfield, Joe Machi, Joe Machi, Kat Timpf, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next.
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