Gutfeld: Alec Baldwin didn't care when people he disliked were targeted
'Gutfeld!' panel discusses the actor's latest statement on cancel culture
This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," May 17, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: So, I got back down to my office after the show. Everybody calm down. I didn't say I was leaving CNN. I just said it was the end of an era for "CNN TONIGHT" with Don Lemon. I'm not leaving CNN. So, you will have to tune in Monday at 10:00 to see. That's it. So relax. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: End of an era. Who is he again? Aging actor Alec Baldwin took to Twitter on Friday. Comparing cancel culture to the devastation of a four, forest fire. We went to trees for comment.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: No. No way.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You suck.
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GUTFELD: Oh my goodness. What an angry bunch but they have a right to be angry. They're on fire. So, is Alec finally coming to his senses? Well, let's act like the four people who saw his last movie and hear him out. He said "Cancel culture is like a forest fire in constant need of fuel functioning objectivity, no prejudice, no code. Just destroy. The disturbing -- the deserving and the undeserving alike."
Sorry, that was him describing how to treat your children. Which by the way I support. Now, Baldwin hasn't had a successful movie in years. His last hit was probably across the forehead of by terrified bike messenger. But he's right. Sadly, I had to read his tweet secondhand since he blocked me on Twitter years ago. No kidding. In fact, he's blocked more people than his steady diet of cheese. Young people will understand that later.
It's ironic that someone who's condemning cancel culture had canceled me from his life altogether. But if I was in Hollywood, having to turn on the T.V. every day and see someone is handsome and talented as this, I would be -- not that funny. I would be insecure enough to block me too. Still it hurts. He made me feel like Kim Basinger or his brother Stephen. Mr. Steve. Thank God, there's a place for us.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK, Donna. Why don't you begin?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, I'm still pretty traumatized by this. So I don't really know where to begin. But I was on Twitter. I wanted to see what this actor had to say because, you know, I loved him in the Heartbreak Kid.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Charles Grodin?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: No. The remake.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, Ben Stiller.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, what a (BLEEP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (INAUDIBLE)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. Well, Ben Stiller though. That's huge. I mean, he used to be a really great actor. I mean, not so much anymore really but, you know, everyone just relax. Toby, how about you?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I still can't really process this. I think you guys remember that fat kind of unfunny guy was married to Roseanne.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Tom Stevens?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Tom Johnson.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Tom Arnold.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes. Tom Arnold. He blocked me. And the funny thing is, I don't even know who he is.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. But that doesn't. It needs to be somebody who's famous for something other than being married to a famous person. So, anyone else?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, Greg Gutfeld blocked me.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: That's huge. That's like the Holy Grail.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, I mean, that's like being blocked by The Beatles. If The Beatles were actually good.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I mean, truly, Greg blocking you on Twitter. No one can up that. Oh, you know what, actually, I think that's all for today. I actually got a Brazilian wax appointment in an hour. So, same time next week.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Yes, I need it.
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GUTFELD: Yes. A loud mouth lefty like Alec Baldwin disowning cancel culture. That's like Colonel Sanders condemning fried chicken. Or Mike Lindell condemning pillows. Look how he hugs that. That's kind of disturbing. Or Jesse Watters condemning hair gel. But when a dude who spent decades slamming people he politically disagree -- disagrees with has now seen the light actually, maybe it's a good thing.
Obviously, he came around to the ugliness of cancel culture once he saw what it did to someone he loved. His wife, who became a human pinata after she appropriated Spanish accents during last T.V. segments.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Very few ingredients, we have tomatoes, we have -- how do you say it English? Cucumber?
HILARIA BALDWIN, ALEC BALDWIN'S WIFE: Cucumbers.
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GUTFELD: How do you say cucumbers? That's a good question.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Cucumber, cucumber, cucumber, cucumber.
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GUTFELD: That's a real person by the way. So, Hilaria, her real name was accused of lying about her Spanish heritage. True we haven't seen someone being a fake Hispanic so hard since Beto O'Rourke tried to put a guacamole pipeline through El Paso. But here's the irony. Back in the good old days under Trump people like Alec had little to worry about. Trump was their necessary diversion, everyone aimed their nerf guns on orange Satan.
He took all the incoming fire. So most of the disgusting libs could carry on being disgusting libs. Like a craven terrorist, they use Trump as a human shield. But now that zombie Elvis has left the building. The cancellers have no choice but to eat themselves, which is great news for the employees at CNN who have a hankering for a baked potato. So, it's not really that Baldwin is standing up for you as we would like to think.
It's because his pals, Woody Allen and Andrew Cuomo are drawing more heat than black leather car seats in July. And it's from somewhere other than their pants. He really didn't care when people he disliked were targeted. Be that the Covington kid or Brett Kavanaugh, it's when he started seeing his rich and powerful amigos get picked off like terrorists within 50 yards of Chris Guile. It started to get a little too close for comfort, which is fine by me.
I welcome anyone who's finally seeing the light, even if it's for selfish reasons. I wonder what our angry white male feels about this. And why hasn't he been canceled yet?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: Good coffee, cancel culture. Believe it or not we had grown up to. We just didn't make a big deal out of it. He didn't like a T.V. show. Change the channel. Didn't like a song? Turn off the radio. Pretty simple stuff. And it wasn't as if we didn't have controversial entertainment. I remember one show sister and a brother. She was a little bit country. He was a little bit rock and roll. It's all right.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. Still isn't right. Fact is whenever anyone comes around to the evils of cancer culture, like a relative in rehab, we should support them, even if they won't support us. That's the definition of sharing the risk. And when you see people like Baldwin actually nervous about losing their own skin, they might actually put their own skin in the game. No matter how thin or leathery it may be.
So I salute Baldwin stand against cancel culture or to put it in a way he'll understand, gracias senior.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She knows both like I know bears, Fox Business Correspondent Susan Li. His hair can be seen from the Mars Rover, Reason associate editor, Robbie Soave. She's so libertarian, she thinks tonight's guests are being detained. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf. And he's back. He's the big man on any campus. My massive sidekick and host of "NUFF SAID" on Fox Nation, Tyrus.
Robbie, I think the important question is if you ever got canceled would your hair go on? You've been writing about this a lot? Is this a positive sign when you see somebody who's basically kind of been a bully to people now realizing that it doesn't pay?
ROBBIE SOAVE, REASON ASSOCIATE EDITOR: Yes, absolutely. I think we should welcome basically anyone to the side of, you know, what cancel culture is a problem. And we all get way too freaked out when someone says something kind of harmful, I guess but innocuous and we all need to lighten up. So, I think that's a good thing. I think the danger is expanding cancel culture anymore because now you have literally everyone.
On all sides of the political spectrum, if they get in trouble but Cuomo said, he's a victim of cancel culture. And everyone is like, oh, no, I'm being canceled. And that's going to make it -- that's going to be bad if like we need to confine it to something we can actually criticize. And not just be like, no, you should be canceled.
GUTFELD: Yes. It's a good example of this. Liz Cheney.
SOAVE: Yes, that too.
GUTFELD: Yes. The media going, the canceler is she -- Liz Kate Cheney was canceled. No, you know, she just got, you know, she was the one obsessed now she has -- what? Which she still got a job, right?
SOAVE: Yes.
GUTFELD: She's a Cheney. Susan, welcome to the show.
SUSAN LI, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Great to have you here. I'm so glad FBN allowed you to leave that part of the building.
LI: For now.
GUTFELD: Yes. You got to be bronze. So we know what happens. Now do -- what is your take on this as a business concept? I mean, that -- it seems to me that most corporations are terrified of this so they act in a defensive manner.
LYDIA: Yes, they have to protect their brand. Good will as we call it.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LYDIA: But some people should be canceled. So I come from a technology finance background. And we talked about binary zero and one.
GUTFELD: Right.
LI: Yes. I don't think that's the case. So when it comes to cancel culture, there should be a sliding scale because compared to say, Jeffrey Epstein, who's probably the worst.
GUTFELD: Right.
LI: I mean, is it anything compared to that? He -- I think he should be canceled.
GUTFELD: Yes. That is --
TIMPF: I don't know.
LI: What do you think? You tell me.
GUTFELD: So you murdered him. Is that what you're saying, Susan? You murdered him. How did you get into the jail?
LI: I had an alibi.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: You can ask her. You can ask her.
GUTFELD: You are hosting at 8:00 in the FBN. Tyrus, welcome back to the show.
TYRUS: Hello, Greg. Thanks for having me.
GUTFELD: Good to see you.
TYRUS: Oh, is a pleasure.
GUTFELD: Me too.
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Can we stop lying and get to the question?
GUTFELD: My question is, do you think there's a gender divide in cancel culture? Like, is it more likely for a dude than a girl? Or why am I -- see? I'm going binary again.
LI: Yes.
GUTFELD: Susan --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: OK. You're just trying to pretend like you understood what she meant (INAUDIBLE) he has no idea what binary is at all. You know, and you're asking me is it worse for the guys and the guys?
GUTFELD: I said --
TYRUS: No. No. Every scenario where a guy gets canceled for if you put him in a skirt and change the thing they'll make it her a hero.
GUTFELD: Except for Caitlyn.
TYRUS: She's still a hero.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: What are you talking about?
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Caitlyn Jenner's life is better.
TYRUS: That supports what I was saying.
GUTFELD: Was it?
TYRUS: You're so stuck on binary.
GUTFELD: Yes. You're right. I disagreed with you.
TYRUS: But, you know, here's --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I agree with you but I pretended to disagree with you.
TYRUS: You, you know, just say I missed you. I get it. The -- but we're missing the whole point. The great point about the cancel culture, there's difference between accountability which would be Cuomo's area and being canceled for speaking your mind on Twitter and they want to get rid of you because you hurt their little feelers. And then there's this.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: President Trump's gone, I'm not getting any bookings from person. I'm not -- I'm not getting any bookings, period. So hey, cancel culture maybe come look at me, maybe spotlight me, look more like an attention cry because the cameras been off him for -- ever since, you know, a switch. She's -- apparently his Joe Biden impersonations not TV worthy. So he's jumping into the cancel culture with a life vest on because he can say something about them, but not enough to where he's actually challenging going after people just -- cancel culture is bad.
It's like a forest fire. You know, please notice me. Look at me. Give me a special
GUTFELD: I think it's from being in a Woody Allen movies. That's what it is. I don't know, Kat. What do you make of this whole quandary? If I may use that word.
TIMPF: Well, I'm very against cancel culture. I don't think that people should be, you know, judged, thrown out of society for making a joke that, you know, an online mob decides is offensive. It is a little different to spend decades of your life pretending to be Spanish person when you're from Boston. Although I don't even a hater for that because that was the best thing to happen to me and all of 2020.
GUTFELD: Yo, it was finally a story that didn't make me cry.
TIMPF: It was a Christmas miracle. It's so funny. Because who does that and then does it so publicly? I just hated the way she made herself a victim like people are -- but if she would just been like, ah, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Whoops. I did do that. Oh. I'm crazy. I would have been the biggest fan in the world.
GUTFELD: Right.
TIMPF: She played the victim card. It's like no, you pretend to do that when really you're like a ball -- like I'm not ballroom dancing light, you know.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. TIMPF: Like, you pretend to do that? Like, that is insane. And we're going to have to call you out on it. But if she would have owned it, I wouldn't have even been mad because it was a great, great gift.
GUTFELD: Yes, it was. All right. We've got more to come. I'm excited about this next block. Are the SATs, DOA? We discuss FYI, ASAP.
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GUTFELD: Are they helping the poor by eliminating scores? The University of California go halitosis, has announced that it will no longer consider SAT and ACT scores when reviewing admission and scholarship applications. The 10 campus system has more than 280,000 students statewide. That's a lot of people who will soon be waiting on me. I went to Cal, I can say that. They decided not to continue fighting a judge's injunction that barred it from considering test scores even when they were submitted voluntarily.
You should never volunteer more information than is required frankly, I learned that lesson when I confess that triple murder in 2012. But at least they didn't find out about the quadruple homicide here before. Crap. I did it again. It all started in 2019 when some students in the Compton Unified School District argued that standardized tests placed an unfair disadvantage on students of color, those with disabilities and those from low income families.
Can you blame that on white supremacy? Well, the students who are accepted based on those tests are overwhelmingly Asian. So white supremacy it is. The Board of Regents already voted to drop the SAT and ACT test through 2024. That's a year, Kat. Now the U.C. system has to develop their own test. Here's tape of the first student to take the exam.
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GUTFELD: Oh, man. That's an old tape and hammer was nuts back then. All right. So Susan --
LI: OK. Yes.
GUTFELD: What exactly --
LI: The Asian student, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes. I'm profiling you.
TYRUS: It's funny that way.
GUTFELD: I'm profiling you.
TYRUS: Why don't we get to the brat question in the next segment?
LI: Let's go.
GUTFELD: All right. Tests, you're good at taking tests. A racist would say that you're good at taking tests.
TYRUS: Racist just did say.
GUTFELD: All right. Let's rewind. OK. What -- if you're not -- OK. What -- if you're not going to use the test and what would you use when deciding a student? What are the things that might replace that? So, that's a serious question, Susan.
LI: Oh, well, I would actually want to talk about tests.
GUTFELD: OK.
LI: It is easy to get --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Geez. Also now you're a racist.
LI: No. It's just the facts. You saw that the yield in the Harvard case is primarily Asian-American students who study hard. I was one of those kids on Saturday school waking at 8:00 a.m. pressing my face against the window, watching my friends playing soccer instead. I would have wanted to do that.
GUTFELD: Blow your own horn much, Susan?
LI: Well, just say, you know, we studied hard. I wish they got rid of these tests when I was younger.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: I hear you.
SOAVE: But you're right about the -- what else would they use instead of the test. So then they do recommendations and they look at extracurricular activities and those things benefit the wealthier and tending to be whiter kids. So it's bad. It actually hurts minority students more if you get rid of the test because that's a more equitable thing than all the other crap they're going to look at.
GUTFELD: That's such a good point. Are we -- is this -- are we seeing the end of college?
SOAVE: I hope so.
GUTFELD: Me too.
SOAVE: God, I hope so. Yes, it's such a scam.
GUTFELD: It really is.
SOAVE: They pay money for this? They go into debt for this?
GUTFELD: Yes, no, it's a terrible --
(CROSSTALK)
SOAVE: Don't do that.
GUTFELD: It did -- Kat, it --
(CROSSTALK)
LI: It's got to be empirical way to get to measure students and their abilities. So what's wrong with standard --
GUTFELD: Height.
LI: OK.
TYRUS: Yes. I'm with that. How is that going to work?
TIMPF: Yes.
GUTFELD: There is so many jokes in that direction that we will choose to avoid because I want to be on tomorrow. So Kat, I learned nothing in college, it's safe to say. How was your college experience? Are you pro or con SATs?
TIMPF: Well, I completely agree with Robbie. I also think it's interesting that I've noticed, you get -- it's not enough to get into the college, you know, if you're like looking for a job, and you write on your resume that you got into a school, that the interviewer is going to say, OK, then we'll have him.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.
TIMPF: It's not enough. And if you want to actually look at ways to help, you know, these students, it's charter schools, school choice, things that people don't want to touch because of teachers' union and those other things. There are ways to help. And if, you know, grades could just as well tell you how you're going to do in college without the test scores, that'd be one thing but it doesn't. It's the combination that tells you more.
So, this is just trying to look woke without actually solving any of the real problems. And potentially, as Robbie mentioned, making it worse.
GUTFELD: You know, Tyrus, you remind me of my friends in high school who made me take their test.
TYRUS: You know what, I'm going to let -- you know, I hit you second, let it go. Here's the thing. We have to -- this has to fall back on to parents. We always want to blame the testing or whatever. She had a great point. While she was pressing her face against the glass where we played soccer.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: And baseball and mom and dad were like, my kid's going to play in the NBA. Her parents were saying, I don't know, you're going to know math, you're going to know how to read and you're going to be able to apply these things. If you want to something extra on this, that's on you.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: It goes to the parents. You can blame, you can break it down. But apparently, in the Asian community, they put education a lot further than some of the other things were like, well, my kid is going to play in the NBA. We have a problem in this country, especially with Americans and in my community. We focus on the wrong things.
GUTFELD: Right.
LI: They told me I could play in the NBA.
TYRUS: Yes, absolutely.
LI: Yes, before.
TYRUS: I'm sure they didn't want to get, you know, culturally appropriated for telling you no. I wouldn't say you couldn't either, I just roll a ball and say you could dunk that for me, please. That'd be great. I'll wait.
LI: In a big vertical.
TYRUS: But -- yes, but the point is that we focus on the wrong things like in my situation growing up, I couldn't afford to take the SATs, so I had to go the junior college route to get a scholarship to get my stuff together. And my road was a little longer because I wasn't able to do those things. But I still instilled in studying got where I needed to go.
GUTFELD: Yes.
GUTFELD: College is good if you actually take advantage of it. Colleges, you go there to go to on parties and play a sports career and it doesn't work out. And then of course with this administration, they'll pay it for union. It's all fun. But you get what you put into it. And we're not putting enough in our American classrooms. We're focusing on the wrong thing. Everybody wants to be an Instagram star or an American Idol instead of real dreams.
Get your kids. Math isn't racist, it's just numbers. It's what you put into it. And we're not putting enough into it. So the SATs can stay or go, it doesn't matter. It's what we're putting into it.
GUTFELD: And we also have to stop down to creating the occupation of stripper. There's something --
TYRUS: What?
GUTFELD: Yes. I'm just saying --
TYRUS: How did you get there?
GUTFELD: I was just thinking there were some occupations that actually make a lot of money and we kind of like oh, it's not a good -- no, actually it's --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: Binary stripper.
GUTFELD: Stripper, non-stripper.
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: What is on your notes?
GUTFELD: February. I don't know what's in my notes. All I was going to say -- Susan, I would commend your parents but I don't know why they kept pressing your face against glass. I think that's very straight.
(CROSSTALK)
LI: I did that.
TIMPF: I pressed my face against the glass too but I'm (INAUDIBLE) really looking at anything.
GUTFELD: Oh my goodness. Up next. Are people bugged by post COVID hugs?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Get your embrace out of my airspace. Americans are finally emerging from their COVID coupe cocoons. Cocoons. That's a whole different story that Kat can explain. I was in a cocoon for three days, face against the glass. But anyway, not everyone wants to be a social butterfly. According to The Washington Post, not an actual post, Susan that would be weird, relaxing mask mandates and distancing rules has upset the socially awkward. It's got little to do with COVID. Some people see traditional greetings and hugs and handshakes as an assault on their personal space, especially if you work in the Cuomo administration.
Further complicating things is the CDC who, Thursday, announced appeared to give vaccinated people permission to go maskless and mingle as long as it's OK with your state government, community leaders, local witch doctors and the PTA. Some states including California, New Jersey and Massachusetts are keeping their universal mask mandates in place, but that doesn't mean 2020 made all of us selfish shut-ins transition.
According to new polls, nearly two thirds of Americans say they're more selfless than ever before. Thanks to the pandemic, 87 percent donated some of their paycheck, 31 percent walked in neighbor's dog. One in three helped shovel out a neighbor's car. And a whopping 98 percent send $1.00 to the foundation to make Greg rich enough to buy a toilet made of gold.
All right. Tyrus, where do you stand on any of this? I know that you've been dying to --
TYRUS: Your little lonely shed by the lake with a gold toiled. Please help them today. Call the number at the bottom of screen: 1-800-Greg-What-Are- You-Doing? You and I were the one of the things that we were excited about in the pandemic was we didn't have to shake hands anymore.
GUTFELD: You're right. It's true. That's true.
TYRUS: Like this was a great way to avoid the common cold. And the really uncomfortable handshake conversation with someone you just want to say hi. But the great thing about the pandemic, it was an elbow, a head nod, maybe even a bow if you really want to keep distance.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Now, the first thing that when someone knows is you're vaccinated like, Tyrus, you vaccinate Yes. How's it going? I only have one shot. You know you I lie quickly to avoid handshaking. Before, during the pandemic, if you were eating with mass on normal come up to the table. Now, like, he's vaccinated, go. And they'll walk up, hey, how you doing? I'm like, I'm eating. I just don't. I was so happy with not having to touch.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's great. It was awesome.
TYRUS: Shake hands or hug and everyone was healthier because we weren't passing colds and stuff to each other.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Now, didn't see, didn't see that messed it all up and everybody wants high fives, handshakes, hugs, they've started doing them kissing cheek things. Yes, I would just like to go back, if the CDC could just go back to like saying, you can do everything you want, but we can't shake hands or hug anymore. Like because if you do, it will cause COVID-20. I mean, they sell us stories anyway, right now, so at least helped me out. I don't want to shake hand.
GUTFELD: You get hand cooties.
TYRUS: Plus is the awkward when people don't shake it. When I shake hands with you, it feels weird. It's like two little fingers in my hand. It's like a little baby. I got to, I got to act like oh, you got a good one there, bro.
GUTFELD: A little baby's hand. You're going to pile on. You know what? You're just another bully, Susan. I don't know what they taught you in school. But you have to take my side. All right, um, what do you -- do you think that that's permanent? Like the stuff about handshaking? Like if you go into now because you know, it's going to come back, you say it's going to come back?
ROBBIE SOAVE, ASSOCIATE EDITOR, REASON: It's all coming back. It's over. We're going right back to doing everything the way we did before. I don't think human behavior can be like radically altered without us literally being forced, which we were being forced. We're not being forced now. I think most people will go back to normal. I like human contact. Is that, is that a wrong thing to say?
TIMPF: You like to touch people?
GUTFELD: Oh, that's creepy. #MeToo, Robbie.
SOAVE: Darn it.
GUTFELD: I guess, you've never heard of that.
SOAVE: This is why I'm such a due process advocate. I have to watch out for myself one of these days.
TIMPF: Hugs used to be all I lived for. Oh, yes. When I was in high school, it was like I'd stand around groups where someone was hugging their friends. I just like hope someone would hug me that I'd write about it in my life journal. I'd be like, oh, yes, Corey hugged me. LOL. Haha. And like hope people would read it and think it was OK for them to hug me too, and then I don't know what I thought that would accomplish.
SOAVE: We're getting through a lot of dramas tonight.
GUTFELD: This is real. Are you telling the truth?
TYRUS: No, this is real.
TIMPF: It's real.
TYRUS: This is real.
GUTFELD: She's laughing at you. You are a cold heartless person, Susan.
SUSAN LI, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK CONTRIBUTOR: I wear gloves now and it's a crutch but I feel if I wear gloves, nobody wants to shake my hand. So, still the elbow bump.
GUTFELD: You know what else is a crutch? A crutch.
TYRUS: A good stop to be like, Tyrus? Yes.
GUTFELD: Don't you guys talked about the selflessness? Did you guys --
TIMPF: I got five hugs today and I'd write down the people that hugs me and I'd publicly post that.
GUTFELD: Can I tell you how selfish I am. So, I had my, my sister and her husband visiting this weekend, and my sister came into the office to use the bathroom. But she slipped and she fell. She twisted her ankle and my first thought is no hiking this weekend.
LI: I was thinking lawsuit.
GUTFELD: I was, I was like, I go, I don't have to hike. And I'm thinking like, why is it only women like to hike? Binary? Yes, it's binary. We'll be right back. Up next, our extra pounds weighing claims down.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Can you fly the friendly skies with oversized thighs? Will they cancel flights due to your cellulites? It's true. They want to check your weight at the airport gate. You don't get rhymes like this on a Stuart Varney. No rhymes on Varney. Two years ago, the Federal Aviation Administration put out an interoffice memo about how fat we're getting. Old FAA standards list the average adult passenger in their carry-on baggage at 170 to 175 pounds. New standards increase that to 190 to 195. Unless you're Chris Christie, then you just combine the two.
Now, according to popular aviation blog, View from the Wing, U.S. airlines may have to start weighing passengers that comply with FAA rules. That's because, "The assumptions they've been using for passengers are outdated. Americans are getting fatter and the federal government wants airlines to find out how much fatter their passengers have gotten, at least for smaller aircraft."
So, you've heard of crash diets? Maybe it's time for an avoid-a-crash-diet, am I right? But this new weight concern is mainly about small planes, the kind that I fly in private, which have fewer passengers. There's more weight variants in those planes, so you could be asked to give your weight which will then be broadcast throughout the airport with a really clever high school nickname, like Freddy McFatFace. Susan would probably laugh at that.
No one asked me but there is a way around asking someone's weight. The airline can just hire those Carnival wait guessing God. Not only will it improve airline safety, they'll get my Uncle Ned a job. The dude's been on the couch since the carnival left town and all he does is eat funnel cake and cry about the bearded lady. They were saving up to buy a two headed cow. Now, she shacked up with the Elephant Man because it's all about the trunk.
No, Kat, you put on pounds, let's not lie. Are you, I mean, Jesus, since you've been married, you put on what do you call the matrimonial 50?
TIMPF: Yes, 50 pounds? I gained 50 pounds in the past three weeks?
GUTFELD: Yes, it's hideous. It's all in your ankles.
TYRUS: Did die.
GUTFELD: So, are you -- I mean, if they ask you your weight. Should they do that private? How are they going to do this? Will they do this?
TIMPF: I don't think that they can do this. I don't think they can do this because people will get upset, and emotions are in this current culture more important than a plane not crashing? I really believe that.
GUTFELD: Yes. You know, Susan, is -- you obviously claim to cover business? We don't -- we're not really sure. It's on that companion channel, FBN.
LI: Yes, the network.
GUTFELD: If you guys don't have it, you can certainly look for it. What -- is this actually feasible? It seems like the airlines are only getting worse unless you're rich. Everybody else is getting screwed.
LI: I've seen you at (INAUDIBLE), so I know that, yes.
GUTFELD: Yes. That's the name of the private airport.
LI: Yes, discriminations --
GUTFELD: Susan and I run into each other --
LI: Once in a while.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LI: But I think it's discrimination, don't you think? You can't just ask somebody? How much do you weigh?
GUTFELD: Yes, I'm not going to offer that type of information up. I would rather give my password and tell people how much I weigh, since it goes up each and every year.
GUTFELD: it's interesting though. I just, you know, Robbie, I don't care how what people, how much they think I weigh it's more about percentage of body fat. 6.3 -- take that Stelter. Robbie.
SOAVE: I don't think this is necessary. They tell you all these things like with the turn off your phones thing, right? They say, if the phone's on, it's going to mess with the signal. What are you talking about? That's not true. I don't believe that. I don't believe the plane could crash if everybody left their cell phone on. I just don't believe that. I think it's the same thing with what the plane is going to weigh too much. Has a plane ever gone down because the passengers were too fat? I can guarantee you the answer is no.
GUTFELD: We can't prove that though.
SOAVE: So, it's safety theater. It's safety theater. It's oh-on-what-if.
GUTFELD: It's all about the imbalance, Tyrus. By the way, Tyrus, like, anyway, question --
TYRUS: Cowards die a thousand deaths. Soldiers live but once. It was a point in my life when I was a body guard and was snooped. That mean the other body guards would have weighing competitions at the airport because they don't scales big enough to hold us. I think accountability is important. And I have no problem stepping on the scale being 356 pounds, and jack the 6'8". You know, I'm saying but and it's a point of pride.
But again, it goes back to accountability. Now, the woke, Kat made an amazingly great point. They go to the doctor's office and you'd be like, we need your weight. You can't ask me that. Yes, yes. Just because your medical profession and my weight might have something with my health doesn't mean I need to tell you. They go into stores that don't have 3x long calls. You need to get
TIMPF: The store's problem.
TYRUS: Yes, it's always somebody else's problem. Here's what we take too much stuff when we travel, too many bags, and whether you're on the big side or a little side, you shouldn't weigh in, because if there's two of me, impossible on a unicorn; but if there were two of me, I would want us on separate sides of the plane.
GUTFELD: Right? Yes.
TYRUS: Preferably across from each other, so we can hold hands and get out in case of trouble. But the point is, is like we need to know these things. Yes, this is important. It's not about you. So like if you step on I'll go first because all everyone will look at me. I'll go first and the yellow light comes on. You can't fly well. You'll go put a trash bag on run three laps and wait in an hour. That's not what it's about.
GUTFELD: You know, I think that they should be able to ask a lot of uncomfortable questions like, do you have good manners? Yes. Have you bathed recently?
TYRUS: Do you believe in shirts with sleeves?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Next to people on a plane. Do you vape under a blanket to your peers?
GUTFELD: Yes. Name Kat Timpf.
TIMPF: Yes, I do. It's like, it's not like I'm bringing kids on the plane.
GUTFELD: We had to we had to ask the uncomfortable questions about therapy animals in order to get in bed. We did like two years of topics, just and by the time. We created it, so they got rid of it.
TYRUS: She, she had to kill her scorpion. That's right. That's right. Laura down.
GUTFELD: You know, this is an amazing segue to the next block. Up next, as I tried to read a tease, would fighting a zoo make a man out of you?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Who's got what it takes to take on the snakes. A new poll finds that nearly 25 percent of men think they can beat a King Cobra in an arm to arm fight, which is only fair because Cobras don't have arms. This study was brought to you by a bunch of 13-year-olds that asleep over. When asked what animal you think you could beat in an arm fight, men and women were generally in the same ballpark, a majority think they could take a rat, a house cat or a goose, just
happens to be the three things you can find in cats purse. On the other end of the spectrum, you got grizzly bears, lions and elephants which you can't take in a fight, but 6 percent of women still said they could take down a bear. I wonder what kind of bear they're talking about, you know what I'm saying? No, I don't know what I'm saying. Am I talking to myself? Yes, you are. Stop it.
Still, the gender split was greatest for the Cobra with three times as many men as women saying they could take the serpent in a fight. I don't know. It's a weird poll asking people what animal they could beat up. I don't think animals are pulling each other on what human they could take. Although, it's probably George Clooney. But they don't have to talk they just do it. For more, let's go to a live goose fight already in progress.
Took him three months to kill that human. You know, Robbie, this is, it seems like a story that you wouldn't cover at Reason because you don't have the guts.
SOAVE: But it is a question that you don't mean my college buddies would talk about like four hours at college. What animals could you kill and under what circumstances? So, it matters though, and this poll did not clarify. Did not armed but are you wearing clothes? Because if you have a shoes, your odds of prevailing against the state are dramatically improved.
GUTFELD: That is true.
SOAVE: Shoes won't help you for the grizzly which it is ridiculous that people thought there was an animal more deadly than the bear bears. Bears will kill you.
GUTFELD: Yes.
SOAVE: You could not do any.
GUTFELD: What about pumps? You think pumps are good?
SOAVE: That could help. That could if you're wearing Susan's shoes here. Yes, I'd give you a chance. But the hippo was on the poll as well. And that is actually the animal that kills the most human beings of all.
GUTFELD: All large jaw.
SOAVE: They collapse boats in African Rivers and everyone dies, everyone.
GUTFELD: And I don't think it's wise to teach children that Hungry Hippos are adorable.
SOAVE: Or that they should, or that they should want for Christmas.
GUTFELD: Yes, I think that's true. You know, Kat, I was wondering who did this poll. I was thinking, was it Frank Luntz? Because clearly, whatever that thing is on his head beat him in a fight.
TIMPF: I don't know. I think it does explain a little bit why men don't live as long as women.
GUTFELD: That is true.
TIMPF: Cobra? Yes, I'll go. Yes, yes. They'll do it. I can't, you know, I'm a woman. I know I can't do that. What if I'm fighting the Cobra and I get my period, what would I do?
GUTFELD: You know, what? How about all those girls watching that, we're thinking whatever a guy could do, I could do it too. You just, you just threw up on them.
TIMPF: Well, I -- that's good. If me throwing up on us going to make you live longer, you're welcome.
GUTFELD: That'd be interesting if that did work. Because you could sell your vomit. Kat, you could sell your vomit.
SOAVE: This would be great --
GUTFELD: Is that a good business?
LI: No, no, really.
GUTFELD: I want you tomorrow to go to work and say I can't believe that they I was asked if selling your vomit was a good business decision.
LI: I was short that idea. It's impossible.
TYRUS: This is Shark Tanks, you have three seconds go.
GUTFELD: Hello, Sharks, Kat Timpf will throw up in front of you.
TIMPF: Willing to test the hypothesis.
GUTFLELD: She brought some samples. What were you going to say, Robbie?
SOAVE: It's such a like New York Times feminism thing like, women don't want to fight snakes as much as men do and this is why we're not equal yet as a society. You know, get more women in front of the snake, that's what it's going to take.
SUSAN: I bet you, those 47 percent has said they could beat a viper. If they saw a needle, they would probably faint. I'm tired -- come on, Tyrus.
TYRUS: I'm waiting patiently for my turn.
GUTFELD: But you know what's interesting, why is it that women can pop other people's zits but run from the spiders?
TIMPF: Because it's so satisfying. And there's nothing else I'd rather do.
GUTFELD: Think about that. Think about -- this is, I've done this research. Women love the pimple popper, but when they see a spider in the bathroom, they run screaming, Tyrus.
TYRUS: Because pimples don't have legs and fangs and kind of a thought process.
GUTFELD: Mine do.
TYRUS: No mental images. That was why I wouldn't come back unless you promised. Listen, just the way this was written was terrible. A Cobra is not a viper, geniuses, morons. You don't even know what you're trying to fight. These, this poll is taken by people whose life is kicking their ass every day to the point you're stuck between law and order marathons. You hop on and a pop up comes out, could you be the Cobra? Yes, I could. You know, what are you doing, honey? Nothing, mom, I'm fighting snakes. Leave me alone. Like, who would, rational person is going to say I will fight a Cobra?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: I mean the war with animals is pretty much over.
GUTFELD: Yes. We won. That's right. We're number one, you stupid animals.
TYRUS: Cobra's are pets in boots. If it was close, this show would be a whole lot different.
GUTFELD: Oh, god, you're crazy.
TYRUS: You know, they always love who could win in the fight? You couldn't beat the rat. In a one-on-one fight, there's a reason why our brain took over.
GUTFELD: You what's great? You'll be great "OUTNUMBERED" would have a manatee in the middle seat, not a man, a manatee. I don't know what I'm saying.
TYRUS: The point is any one of those people who said they could beat up a cobra, let's start with a garden snake. Let's see how we go there, and when they get bitten or crying.
GUTFELD: By the way, underrated movie, "Cobra," remember?
TYRUS: Stallone.
GUTFELD: Stallone. All right, I'm going to shut up. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night, please do so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Susan Li, Robbie Soave, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
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