Gutfeld: A liberal's dream come true
'Gutfeld!' panelists react to the New York Post reporting New York City kids are now in therapy due to a constant state of panic.
This is a rush transcript of "Gutfeld!" on September 29, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Right, that makes sense. Yes. Happy Thursday, everyone. You know, when I was a kid, we had a few things that we were scared of. The British army. Tuberculosis. I kid. I'm not that old. But we all had the same fears. There was the boogeyman hiding in your closet under your bed. You never really knew what he looked like. But you imagined it was this.
I had a really wide closet. There was the threat of nuclear war, kidnappers who kept the back of milk cartons filled with interesting breakfast reading material. Great white sharks. Quicksand. Remember quicksand? Yes. We'd be busy looking out for quicksand. And then we get hit by a drunk driver. Also, there are colts, you know, like the Manson family, and they were not much of a family. I'm glad I got out of that early.
So that's eight fears. Some are not real, others mostly overblown. So we envy the kids today, not just because they're taller. They just have much bore to be scared of. There's this and this and this and this and this. But worse, the streets are filled with nightmarish characters that would make Freddy Krueger call an Uber instead of walking the four blocks home. There's the mentally ill and criminally deranged and roam the streets.
And thank God for that or we'd have no live audience members tonight. Yes. That's a jab at you, guys. There's also junkies and drunkies. laying right in your path. It's so awkward when they ask for autographs, especially when I once dated them. You have homeless using your stoop as a bathroom and they never ever clean up. Plus, they give lousy directions. Seriously never ask I did once and Chris Wallace threw up all over me.
Yes. While Hollywood concoct pointless dystopian mulch like Handmaid's Tale, we're living the real thing. Hell, save yourself some money and cancel Netflix and just go for a walk after dark. You'll become the main character and part of a murder mystery by 11:00 p.m. According to The New York Post, the paper owned by our parent company, Mike and Carol Brady.
New York City kids are now in therapy due to a constant state of panic. Yes. Just what NYC needs, a whole generation of Woody Allen's. But their fear is rational. Think about it. The homeless, the crime, the drugs, Anthony Wiener. Still here, and that's just inside the sandbox at pre-K. In NYC, children are being traumatized by real horrors that leave permanent scars. According to the Post, after funneling thousands of the homeless into city hotels and not just Motel 6, unprovoked crimes have exploded.
Not to mention room service is now impossible to get in under two hours. Trying to order that meth, oh man. On top of that ad state bail reform which released tons of vile thugs, COVID released even more. The only people left in Americans jails are those who stole office supplies on January 6. We decriminalized sidewalk camping panhandling and shooting up in public. The result? A liberal's dream come true.
We're all equal in abject misery. Major crimes are up all over in Midtown, a 60 percent increase, robberies are up 57 percent. There have been 10 murders alone so far in just three precincts this year. Double the number of during the same period last year and they happen when Kat was out of town, so we can't blame her. According to human resources, we can't blame her although one of the bodies was covered up under a pile of hair extensions.
And in the old days, if you wanted to see the show, The Full Monty, you used to buy tickets for Broadway. Now you get the full monty from the three homeless guys in front of our building. So now city parents are sending their kids to therapists because it takes a professional to say, how to sing a naked pooping man harass you for money make you feel? But good for the parents. At least they're doing something but really they should do more.
Why don't you just leave? Isn't that the right thing to do? No, I get it. We love our kids, but not if it means giving up our season tickets to the Metropolitan Opera or missing the gay pride parade every year. Good god, what kind of rubes do you take us for? Well, I question their judgment, but they already vote Democrat. I know. I know. It's easy for me to say I got no kids. But you can no longer relax thinking it's just thug on thug crime.
It's Russian Roulette for all of us. We're all in the barrel. Kids now get to see the boogeyman every day on the way to class, on the subway. I understand soldiers coming home from war suffering PTSD from what they saw, but fourth and fifth graders coming home from school. So some families are smartly leaving. According to a recent headcount, we've seen a 10 percent drop in kids under five since 2019. And not all of that can be attributed to erectile dysfunction caused by Lizzo.
I want us to point it out. Total public school enrollment has dropped by 73,000 since the pandemic. But who knows they may finally learn something? Meanwhile, more and more it's women who become the victims. A recent one was a young mother of five who was brutally beaten by a transient freak. You know, talk about a change in society. It used to be women and children first when it came to avoiding suffering.
Now let's get them to the front lines. I guess you could say that's the only equity that Democrats have actually delivered.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guests. She's never depressed because she's always looking up. Co-host of "AMERICA'S NEWSROOM" and "THE FIVE," Dana Perino. He's the star of the new comedy special, Don't Quit Your Day Job. Actor, writer and comedian, Jamie Lissow. Her laugh doubles as a hyena's meaning call.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: That's fair.
GUTFELD: Fox News Contributor, Kat Timpf. And he uses a parking meter as a cue tip. My massive sidekick and the NWA world champion, Tyrus. Jamie, welcome back.
JAMIE LISSOW, COMEDIAN: Good to be here.
GUTFELD: I wouldn't presume that yet.
LISSOW: OK.
GUTFELD: OK. Yes. Assuming your kids still speak to you. I don't know. Would you ever move here with children if you had a great career change? Like we were to offer you an amazing gig for zillions of dollars?
LISSOW: I for zillions I would do it. Yes. Because honestly, I didn't even know that was real. I would not move here with my kids. It's frightening. It was like 2:00 in the morning last night. And I was at the hotel and I wanted to go for a walk and I swear I left my hotel and just immediately went back in, so I was like, this is dangerous, dude. Like what is going on in New York? And I get a lot of it is happening in Hell's Kitchen, which -- I mean, it is called Hell's Kitchen.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: Do you know what I mean? You can't be surprised. It's like, oh, my god, can you believe what's happening and Satan's butthole? I just can't believe. I enjoy -- some of the homeless people I enjoy more than others. I like one with a talent. You know, like I just -- the other day, I saw this guy, he was being -- he's being a statue. He was like not moving at all. And he's making all this money.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: For not moving.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: And then I walked about a half mile down the road. There was another homeless guy jumping up and down, shaken a cup. And I was like, dude, if you just freaking hold still. You're working way too hard.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: But I don't -- I really don't think I'd move on with my kids right now. I think it's honestly too dangerous for real.
GUTFELD: Oh, there you go. Tyrus --
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: What?
GUTFELD: What kind of advice would you give? Like, let's say you had to live here, what would you give your kids?
TYRUS: If -- well, I would start with the parents. We got to parent up now. You know, you got to get off your phone. You got to be vigilant. You have to have conversations with your kids. You have to sit them down. I grew up in a rough neighborhood. But I knew what to do when somebody bad came around when you saw people. And so what's happening is we're hearing, oh, my child is trauma -- what are you doing about it?
Because not all of us can leave. Some of us have to just bear with it. And the best way to do that is by having tough conversations about your kids about life lessons and talking about not just -- if you describe him as the boogeyman and you don't know where he comes from and all this stuff than the kids don't quite get it. But when you sit them down -- and it's tough to tell an eight-year-old that this is what happens with substance abuse and this is what happens when people don't take care of themselves.
It's not -- and it's going to be -- but why daddy? But why? Can't we give them a hug? And you have to explain to them because I've had these conversations. It's not fun, and you have to keep bringing it up and you have to practice. I practice with my kids all the time. What to do if a stranger comes up to you. And one of the rules that we live by is like, from what looks scientifically, scientifically, pedophiles and kidnappers, they usually like innocent children.
Or like, so my kids, if somebody walks up to him that they don't know, they'd be like, what (BLEEP) you want to do? So, they do. They do. We practice this.
TIMPF: No, it's true. I've seen it.
TYRUS: We practice this. Unfortunately, sometimes it goes a little awry. You know, my daughter, I got her phone because I'm a FaceTime dad, all my kids have phones and we FaceTime to do homework and stuff. She got a random message from AT&T welcoming her new phone.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: The operator who sent the message got (BLEEP) ever call my phone again (BLEEP) kill you. So -- and her mother -- but after I explained it to her mom in the court, they were good with it. So, you got to -- you've got to educate your kids.
GUTFELD: That explains a lot of their responses to me when I'm in the green room.
TYRUS: Yes, yes.
GUTFELD: But Dana, this leads me to a very interesting observation or point or epiphany, if you will. Children are in a weird way. They are like liberals in the sense that they have empathy without wisdom. So it's like when you're walking down the street with a kid, and the kid says, mommy, daddy, why didn't you give that man money? He has a little dog. And you're like, because the money isn't going to the little dog. Janie, it goes to his -- inside his arm.
And then he gets really, really high. And then he steals things. And it's like your children in a weird way, they're not there yet. And so, they don't know what's going on. Do you ever worry about this happening to your dog Percy?
DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS HOST: I do worry about --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: -- the talk with Percy.
PERINO: I do worry about one of them attacking Percy. I do. Because I think one of the things is people have to start living in the -- in the real world. So, the New York that you loved, the New York either you grew up with or the New York you moved here for during the Rudy Giuliani years and the Bloomberg years, that New York is no longer here.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: And so there is this wishful thinking or this dream like it -- that you think it's going to get better.? I don't see -- I actually don't see how it gets better. I'm usually pretty optimistic --
GUTFELD: Wow. You've made a book called Things Are Going To Be OK.
PERINO: But you know what?
TYRUS: Unless you go to New York.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: Exactly.
GUTFELD: That's your new book.
PERINO: But everything will be OK if you make smart decisions.
GUTFELD: Right.
PERINO: And one of the decisions people are having to make is, one, do they leave if they can, but Tyrus, I think you make a good point. They can't all leave. But what can you do to basically take the innocence of your children that you love, but make sure that they are also going to be safe? Because the violence now is just so random.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: It's random everywhere. I am a little bit nervous. Not so much for Percy. I mean, sometimes you think if you have a dog, you'll be safer. There is that. But I think I'd be a lot more safe if Tyrus could teach me how to say that. Like your daughter says.
TYRUS: I got you.
GUTFELD: I would pay this -- oh, don't pretend like you don't swear, Dana. We have actually filmed proof of that, which I would call up now but I don't have it on. But I have --
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: We call them presentation, Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Yes. That's true.
PERINO: Yes. I need the presentation. Yes.
TYRUS: -- like a what? Yes, I got you.
PERINO: I can't be like, hey, mother.
TYRUS: Yes, yes, yes.
PERINO: I can't even begin to say it.
GUTFELD: We are both -- you were -- we're both lucky being small, because like, usually a lot of the homeless people are taller than me. So, they look right past me. I think it's one of those great things.
TYRUS: What? That -- no. That does not make sense.
TIMPF: Yes. Homeless people they're like who's the biggest guy?
TYRUS: Yes. Yes. If that was the case, I'd come into work every day going. You would not believe what happened.
GUTFELD: Well, I know that Kat, you have -- had -- because you walk right away from the west side over and stuff. Do you think the city is irretrievable? Like -- Dana, that's the most pessimistic thing I've ever heard from Dana.
TIMPF: Yes, I think probably because we all -- we all still live here. Like why would -- why do you live here? It's like, well, you do -- we all do.
GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE)
TIMPF: I have to, right.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Sometimes they're -- like, they're mean, like -- and the pandemic, you remember all there was to do is walk when you live here. I was -- my husband and I, we are working around all there was to do was walk. Yeah. And you lived here. I was my husband. We were walking around and some homeless guy started shouting at cam going -- because -- and you know it's a pandemic. So, I looked really, really bad. And like, you know, we all like looked ugly then, right?
He started shouting like, I bet you wish you knew 10 years ago that she would look like this 10 years later. I was like I'm only 32. 31, I forget. Those are some tough times.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. Yes.
TIMPF: But. I went home and I took a shower. So maybe it actually helped.
GUTFELD: Yes. That -- I think that was a positive interaction with a homeless person.
TIMPF: I should have given him -- I should have give him now.
GUTFELD: Yes. Thank you.
TIMPF: I wonder if he's still alive.
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
LISSOW: You made me think of two, Greg, like homeless guy with a dog you got to feel bad for that dog.
TIMPF: Yes.
LISSOW: You know, just going like are we going in tune?
GUTFELD: It's true.
LISSOW: In three weeks.
GUTFELD: It's true. Up next, it's been three weeks. And in dog years that's 21 weeks.
LISSOW: Yes.
GUTFELD: See? Huh? Math is fun. Those mental prowess takes a dive when he confuses who's dead and alive.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
[23:24:57]
GUTFELD: So what's the question that all the Dems dread? Hey, did you hear what the president said?
Yes. That's another case where Joe's brain has farted. This time all over the dearly departed. Yes. Take that Dr. Seuss. We rule.
On Wednesday during a White House Conference on hunger, nutrition and health and for all three. Joe Biden thanked several lawmakers who had sponsored legislation pushing for the event. Among them, Indiana Congresswoman Jackie Walorski. The only problem is she died last month. Maybe someone should have reminded Joe.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I want to thank all of you here including bipartisan-elected officials like represented Governor Senator Braun. Senator Booker -- Representative -- Jackie, are you here? Where's Jackie? I didn't think she was -- she wasn't going to be here -- to help make this a reality.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I hate to break it to him but unless you've got a Ouija board, Jackie's not talking. But who knows maybe Joe's not alive either. So, like in The Sixth Sense, he sees dead people. Which could explain why he keeps, you know, shaking hands with ghosts. Yes.
But maybe we could have some slack. It's easy to forget someone has died. I forgot Dan Rather was alive. Oh, watch out press secretary Karine Jean- Pierre spins it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KARINE JEAN-PIERRE, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: The president was naming the congressional champions on this issue and was acknowledging her incredible work. He had -- he had already planned to welcome the congresswoman's family to the White House on Friday, was on his mind. She was top of mind for the president.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: He said, Jackie, are you here? Where's Jackie? She must not be here.
JEAN-PIERRE: I totally understand. I just -- I just explained. She was on top of mind. You know.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: See, that's the thing. It was on top -- on top of the mind, not in the mind. But like Kilmeade's books, no one's buying it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE) if the late congresswoman was top of mind for the president and her family was expected to be here (INAUDIBLE) what was he looking for? I'm not trying to be mean.
JEAN-PIERRE: No. I mean, when I'm -- no.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: (INAUDIBLE) when he said that.
JEAN-PIERRE: And again, I think people can understand I think the American people out there who, you know, watch the briefing from time to time maybe at this moment, we'll understand when someone is at top of mind. She was on top of mine. Again, I don't think it's all that unusual to have someone top of mind.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh my God. That's -- he was looking for a dead person. By the way, you want to know the upside to all this? Be happy that he was 14 rows back at Queen Elizabeth's funeral. Or else he would have asked for her autograph. It's true. What say you, Joe?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No, no, no. Look, she was at the top of my mind. That's when people who died are at the top of my mind. Hi, Teddy sniffing glue, he was twelve years old. Fell from the roof East Two-nine. Cathy was eleven when she pulled the plug. Twenty six reds and a bottle of wine. These are people who died. Died. These are people who died. They're all my friends and they all died.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Nice. A little Jim Carroll. That's a little Jim Carroll from the Jim Carroll band. RIP, Dana. All right.
PERINO: The press briefing.
GUTFELD: OK. Did they -- did they did they brief Biden and he forgot? Or it's -- or did they just not brief him at all? What happened?
PERINO: Gosh, I don't know. I don't know what they did for him beforehand. I mean, I heard there was going to be some video like a tribute to her. But then they did it ended up playing it or something. It is possible that somebody on the way it was like, and don't forget, Mr. president, that the congresswoman, the late congresswoman, she died, we put out a statement. Your name was on it. You signed it. She -- you know that she died.
Like I don't know. It's possible that like they got into his mind somehow. I don't understand how the White House doesn't jump on this grenade immediately.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: And instead goes back to the White House and tries this fiction that makes everything worse. Instead of just saying, absolutely misspoke. That was a mistake. And the president called the late congresswoman's husband just to make sure that the family is doing all right. And they're going to stay in touch. The kids are doing better. This is good. Like, these are all the things that you could do.
But also, you don't have to say what they tell you to say at the press briefing. You don't have to say it. You can protect your reputation by saying, one, I'm not saying that. I'm not going to say top of mind unless this is something that she came up with and I don't know how the reporters in the room -- when -- I know that they didn't believe her.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: And they shouldn't have but I can't believe that they, you know, this had been trumped, they all want to stood up and walk down.
GUTFELD: Exactly. You know, and the funny thing is, I think Biden did call the husband after and said, did you know your wife was dead? Completely. Completely terrible. You know, Kat. Kat, whoa.
TIMPF: Yes. I'm just going to come right out and say this is oil cancer. 2.0.
GUTFELD: Yes. Oil cancer.
TIMPF: It is.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: OK. Say -- saying I'm thinking about Jackie is not the same as saying where is Jackie?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: Just like saying I'm thinking about cancer is not the same thing as saying I have cancer.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: And we -- like just again, like, why didn't they just say he misspoke? Why don't they just -- because we can all see it and hear it on the video where he's like, where is she? I don't know where she is. And it's video. Like videos have been around for a while. Like we have -- like, even longer than Biden videos. That's how long we've had videos. I don't understand it. It's so insulting to be like, it's a really common thing.
Like, I know what it's like to miss a dead. Like I think about my dead mom. I think about, you know what I don't do? I'm not like mom. I'm like, mom, where are you? Mom, like, you're saying, I know why she's not here.
GUTFELD: Yes. I think there's an assumption that they're not -- their feet aren't going to be held to the fire. That's what -- she's like, she doesn't even try in these pressors. What? What?
TYRUS: Oh, I just -- we know who's shaken hands with now.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Rest her soul. Top of mind. It's -- sometimes you have a really good idea in a meeting. And like what do we do? What do we do? Come up with a cool catchphrase. Top of mind. Unfortunately, that was not it. That's right up there with, let's get after it. That didn't work out too well, either. When you're so -- just say it. He lost his mind. He doesn't know where he's at. The pill wore off.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: We're sorry. Naptime is usually during this time.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: He wasn't -- it wasn't once that he asked -- he looked for her.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: So even if you changed it, he was like, where's Jackie? She's not here? Like he made it like she didn't show up to her own event.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: He like -- he probably talked about or on his way back. How is she not going to show up for her own event?
(CROSSTALK)
TYRUS: This is ridiculous.
TIMPF: Yes.
TYRUS: Don't run the tribute. We're done with her. Mr. President, she's dead. Yes, she's dead wrong because she wasn't here.
TIMPF: Yes.
TYRUS: Like --
TIMPF: I wanted to your question though, Greg. Did he not remember she died? Did no one ever tell them because they just knew he wouldn't?
TYRUS: You could have told him 60 seconds before he went on.
TIMPF: Yes.
TYRUS: It was after applesauce time (INAUDIBLE) (BLEEP)
GUTFELD: It's true. It's -- but it's like reminding people to put on your pants, Jamie. Which we have to do with you often. But -- what are your thoughts on this? You sometimes forget that your career is dead.
TYRUS: You just couldn't let it go. Couldn't be nice for, Jamie.
LISSOW: Just this afternoon I was like career? Hello? Yes. She was saying top of mind. Like it's something people say.
GUTFELD: Yes. Exactly.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: Your top of mind.
LISSOW: Because, you know, it was top of mind. Everybody understands. We don't understand. None of us understand. They should -- that made me angrier -- the Biden thing, it's starting to get sad for me. This is the worst one ever him saying hi to someone that died. But just -- our -- does she think people are stupid. Like what -- like you can't just go -- he making it like -- just say he screwed up.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: Just say he screwed up and move on. Because you're making it so much worse. The press secretary should literally be called like the (BLEEP) artist.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: It's total (BLEEP) no matter what happened.
TYRUS: Oh, no, she misread it. She was supposed to say, she was on the top of his mind. But she misread it and said mind. So it was a double messed up.
LISSOW: Right.
TYRUS: You know, she just forgot.
LISSOW: But no matter what you pinned her with because this was bad. She would spin it into something, she'd ne like, oh, no. Biden didn't (BLEEP) he's trying to save time by not going to the bathroom.
TYRUS: Because bathroom was top of mind.
LISSOW: Top of mind.
TIMPF: Honestly, that actually makes more sense.
GUTFELD: Don't cancel -- don't treat that so on seriously, Jamie. You can save a lot of time, especially if you're in a hurry, or you're driving. Not me of course. Up next, when storms getting tense talking heads sound more dense.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: A natural disaster shows their stupidity faster. True, with the storm still forming, the media blames global warming, which means it's time for.
ANNOUNCER: "HURRICANE OF STUPIDITY."
GUTFELD: Hurricane Ian, what a name, touchdown yesterday devastating Florida and leaving millions without power. Our thoughts are with those affected by the storm, including this fellow wherever he landed.
But let's turn to the media's asinine coverage of the storm. Here's MSNBC Host, Joy Reid, blaming the hurricane on global warming.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOY REID, MSNBC HOST: There is a lot that has changed about the Earth, that has made these things worse, right? I mean, these things are thriving because the water is getting warmer. And I think when people -- we stopped calling it global warming for political reasons, but that's what it is, right? Our Earth is getting warmer and there is just no doubt I think left that it is feeding these beasts.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Feeding these beasts. That's also known as lunchtime at "The View." Speaking of -- always gets applause. Thank you, "The View." Joy Behar went after Florida Governor Ron DeSantis spewing more venom than a bulimic rattlesnake.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOY BEHAR, "THE VIEW" HOST: This is the quote from Governor DeSantis about climate change. "I am not in the pews of the church, of the global warming leftists." This is what he thinks about climate change. And now his state is getting hit with one of the worst hurricanes that --
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: But she should know, does anyone remember that time when she got carried away by Hurricane Sandy? Take a look.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was pretty damn good. Well, we're running out of time. Hey, no, don't know where else to go. Meanwhile, here's Bill Weir. This is heavy.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BILL WEIR, CNN ANCHOR: But this is exactly what climate scientists have been warning about for a long time. And now, we get to see it close.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: What do you mean, your stupidity? CNN's Don Lemon also tried to make the immediate leap to climate change. He was shot down faster than Jamie Lissow hitting on a woman with decent eyesight. Here he is talking with the Acting Director of the National Hurricane Center.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: Can you tell us what this is and what effect climate change has on this phenomenon?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, we can come back and talk about climate change at a later time. I want to focus on the here and now.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I haven't seen a rejection like that since Jamie tried eHarmony. Don had to double down on the stupid, of course.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LEMON: Listen, I just, I'm just trying to get that you said you want to talk about climate change. But what, what effect does climate change have on this phenomenon that is happening now? Because it seems these storms are intensifying. That's the question.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I don't think you can link climate change to any one event on the whole, on the cumulative. Climate change may be making storms worse, but to link it to any one event, I would caution against them.
LEMON: OK, well, listen, I grew up there and the storms are intensifying, something is causing them to intensify.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Again, it could be your stupidity. Finally, let's turn to Izzy Cook who has nothing to do with this segment, except she's a 16-year-old environmental activist whose recent radio interview went viral after she condemned vacation air travel to exotic locations like Fiji, which is a country, Kat, not just a bottle of water. Take a listen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So, we would have to apply to have like approved events to be able to fly for.
IZZY COOK, ENVIRONMENTAL ACVITIST: Well, that's one thing that you could look at doing.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Am I allowed to go to Fiji, is that necessary?
COOK: In the current climate crisis, I don't think that that's necessary.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When was the last time you were on a plane.
COOK: I'm not sure maybe a few months ago to be honest.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Where did you go?
COOK: Fiji.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Izzy!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. We don't got a lot of time, but that was so worth it. Kat, what's, what's your take?
TIMPF: Oh, man, she was done there. I mean, she has a kid but that's why like I never say bad things about private jets, because I never go on them. But the only reason is because I don't have enough money and no one's ever invited me. So, I want to make sure one day when I'm rich or if anyone wants to invite me, I'll go, I don't even care who you are.
GUTFELD: Expect a call from well anyway -- Dana.
PERINO: In the article about Izzy there.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: The best thing to me and that story is at the end, her mom says, wait, who are you talking to? And the mom doesn't get mad at Izzy, the mom gets mad at the interviewer for being rude to her daughter.
GUTFELD: Oh, man. You see this? You do your homework. I didn't listen to the whole thing. Jamie.
LISSOW: Yes, no. And by the way, you talked about my dating a little bit. I accept all that. I was Tinder last night. I matched with a pizza. And also speaking advice, I should I just want to help you because I sometimes look off camera. I really do not have good eyesight. That's why I do that sometimes. I've always wanted to say that. Like I went to Lens Crafters glasses Is the other day and I go in there and I get my prescription and I go hey do you guys think you can make me these glasses in less than an hour? And the lady goes, we won't even be done making fun of you. That's how crappy -- this isn't even Lens Crafters, it's a deli.
GUTFELD: Tyrus. Funny.
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Live by the water.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Storms in the water.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Enough said. You're going to get a storm.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: It doesn't matter. People want to live wherever they want to live. Yes. And they forget Mother Nature might have something to say about it.
GUTFELD: Yes --
TIMPF: Government subsidizes people living there.
GUTFELD: I know, and they went from 40 -- what is it? It was 60s something.
PERINO: 600,000 to 10 million.
GUTFELD: 600,000 to 10 millions homes from 1940 to now so it's and it's been moving out like that not to say that you know no one we don't want anybody's houses destroyed. But that's why you see a lot of properties.
TYRUS: But you run a risk when you live by the water.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Because waters have storms.
GUTFELD: There you go. Let's not --
TYRUS: Not that complicated. All right, coming up with you superimpose your face on a digital space.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: They're going to make Bruce immortal like Zeus. Bruce Willis, the actor, may have retired earlier this year to a debilitating illness, but that doesn't mean you won't see him in movies. Yes, his image will not die hard.
ANNOUNCER: Wow. That was great, Greg.
GUTFELD: Thank you, whoever you are. I was asking for a woman. The digital Bruce made his debut in August 2021, commercial for a Russian telecoms company, which digitally grafted his face created by computer software onto a real human understudy. You see, Bruce sold his likeness to an A.I. company deep fake, which created a digital twin of the actor. Don't laugh, however, it's the same way. Pete Buttigieg pretends to work at the Transportation Department. Tyrus, they would have to find it under study your size. If they were to do that? Would you do this? Like if you got paid now?
TYRUS: Right.
GUTFELD: So, you could, then you would die in 30, 40, 50 years, then you go on? Would you, wouldn't you take the money?
TYRUS: Yes, why would I not?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: I'm not going to be there.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: One last thing I got to do.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: You know what I'm saying, I got a check for what?
GUTFELD: Yes.
TYRUS: Sign me up. I can stay at home. I'll do one now here.
GUTFELD: Yes, I love this idea.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: The thing is, it's a -- Jamie, in a way, it's kind of like a reverse mortgage for your career.
LISSOW: That's great.
TYRUS: Never been a better time.
GUTFELD: There's never been a better time. And the way your career looks, maybe you might not get famous until you're dead, Jamie.
LISSOW: I can have -- can you imagine you're in a movie and you're like, you'd like take a girl to go see the movie and you're like, oh, I should tell you it's not my face. It's like it's someone else's face in the movie. Because like, you're starring in a movie, but these, like these poor young actors are like, sorry, you didn't get the role we're going with this digital face we made, right?
GUTFELD: Yes. Didn't that happen to Armie Hammer in "The Social Network"? He played the Winklevoss twins, right?
PERINO: Yes. Yes.
GUTFELD: Or am I getting confused by different people? Am I having an episode, Dana?
PERINO: I don't think so. I think you're correct.
GUTFELD: OK. Yes. And then, I don't -- and then they put his face on somebody else's, on the -- yes.
PERINO: I don't know, like --
GUTFELD: I'm going to say, I think I'm right. Dana, would this change how you felt watching the movie if you knew that really wasn't Bruce Willis, but it was a fake face, his face?
PERINO: Well, I think over time, it means that we'll have to pay less attention to Hollywood celebrities. And so, like when Jennifer Lawrence wants to tell us what her opinion on gun control is, we can ignore that. But I also think this is a great way for Kilmeade to be on 24/7.
GUTFELD: Yes. That is so true. The man cannot say no to anything. Kat, this seems like a perfect thing you could do with Cheens?
TIMPF: Yes, except it wouldn't be the same. So, I'm just going to just stick with my original plan.
GUTFELD: Which, again, is?
TIMPF: To have him cremated and tattooed into my body.
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: Wow.
TIMPF: What, it's my cat. It's my body. It's my decision.
TYRUS: I respect your decision.
TIMPF: Thank you. The more people told me not to do it, the more sure I am, by the way.
TYRUS: I think it's a great idea. Nobody's telling you not to do it.
TIMPF: By the way, did just go to the cardiologist yesterday and he's doing great. Except for when my dad, when I told him what I was doing, he laughed for like five straight minutes.
GUTFELD: Up next, would you take a jab at eating alive crab?
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
ANNOUNCER: "A STORY IN FIVE WORDS."
GUTFELD: A story in five words: woman eats a live crab. Jamie, they poor spices and alcohol over the dish to season it and then people eat this and they make TikTok videos, would you do this?
LISSOW: This makes me so uncomfortable. And like she's at a restaurant, why don't you just go to the beach?
GUTFELD: Yes.
LISSOW: Cut out the middleman.
GUTFELD: That's true. Just wants to avoid the sand. Dana, you're like me you hate seafood and you also hate life.
PERINO: I hate listening to people eat so then that was like also doubly bad.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I guess it's better to eat live crabs than to get crabs. But I also think that somebody should make a TikTok about this invention called Fire.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: Which allows you to cook things before you eat them.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, you know --
TIMPF: I think I'd rather get crabs. What? I can't be the only one.
GUTFELD: There's just about three or four directions I can go with. And each one has human resource all over it.
TIMPF: I don't think they watch this show.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. All right, Kat, is there anything you would eat that's still alive?
TIMPF: No, I like my food to already be dead.
GUTFELD: Yes.
TIMPF: So --
GUTFELD: Just like your soul.
TIMPF: No, no, I've got my moments of spark and life. And people are saying it's insensitive to say like this is gross because it's like another culture. Some people do it. No, like I'm allowed to think things are gross. I think, I hate things from some things from this culture. I was sad the other day thing about long football season is. I'm allowed to say this is disgusting.
GUTFELD: It is long, Tyrus.
TYRUS: I'll be honest with you.
TIMPF: So long.
TYRUS: I did not see Dana Perino talking about crabs.
GUTFELD: Neither did I.
TYRUS: But --
GUTFELD: Neither did I.
TYRUS: I just want to say for adolescent boys at one time, that was like a badge of honor. Got crabs, yo. So, but it was a stupid time, but I would like to say. I'm not, I'm not surprised that women eat crabs. They eat men's hearts all the time. They will eat it right in front of you and your friends and you will stay like -- so I'm not surprised.
GUTFELD: What is -- do you know what, I think China is trying to poison America. First, you got tide pods? Now you got crab legs. What are they --
PERINO: And NyQuil and the chicken.
GUTFELD: NyQuil and the chicken. They are genius at getting Americans to do really stupid stuff.
TYRUS: I hope she didn't talk to the crabs why she ate it. That'd be, you know, because I always tell you why.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. That really is marriage.
TYRUS: Yes.
GUTFELD: By the way, this isn't any different than yogurt. That has live cultures.
TIMPF: It is. It's a lot --
DANA: It's a lot different. It's a lot different.
GUTFELD: It is a lot different.
TYRUS: Yes, yogurt doesn't tend to kick and squirm and fight for his life while you chew on it. Much like a husband.
GUTFELD: Yes. All right. We got to move on. We'll be right back.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: We are out of time. Thanks to Dana Perino, Jamie Lissow, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with OK, Mike Emanuel, is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.
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