This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," July 7, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Hi. It's me, Greg. I'm on vacation this week. This is me surfing and here I am scuba diving. And this is me in a local jail. Tight before they strip searched me. In all honesty, I asked for it. I mean, seriously, I asked them to do it. It's true, I am actually on vacation right now. We taped this show last Friday. Now something could happen between then and now that changes everything, which is why I picked stories for this show with no inherent news value. I'm being honest, except for this one.
Today, I found out that they've stopped the "Jerry Springer Show" and it made me think, Jerry Springer is still on? But also why stop his show now? Well, you might say who needs it right now? After all, with the nation's political tension, every day is "The Jerry Springer Show." Full of hair pulling, chair throwing, name calling all because we have opposing views.
And the media blames, of course, the guy in the White House who I call the Orange Gandhi, which is BS. Politics always causes friction. We just have more places to see it - 24-hour cable news, social media, Lou Dobbs' hot tub. We get it, the country is divided, but that's actually good. It's better to have two sides than one, and I wish we had more sides, actually. Plus we just celebrated our 242nd birthday. We've been through way worse than this.
And by the way, we look pretty awesome for our age. Take a look at this map. We haven't gained a pound in 60 years. Idaho has abs. But there's always room for improvement. The good news is, most of America isn't what's on TV. The shouting on camera is what attracts the camera in the first place, so that's why you see more of it. However, it may not be a bad idea to lighten up a little, which is why I'm still calling for a "Keep the peace" movement.
To start, we've got to admit that everyone who annoys you thinks that they're right, but so do you and that annoys them. So the solution is that we should admit that we see things through different filters.
Like this week. A neighbor posted something about Trump. I didn't agree with it and I replied. The next thick you know, thing you know, things got really, really personal. Now, I'm not proud of what I did on his porch. It wasn't supposed to be that messy. I do eat a lot of fiber. And now I'm worried he might have a surveillance camera. But worse, I'll bet I didn't convince him and he didn't convince me, and that's fine. We're both good people who see things differently, but if birds and cats can get along, why can't we?
We cut off that tape before the ugliness, but that's why I'm for a peace movement, a conservative peace movement. Like hippies that smell good. The next time you're in a debate, I ask you, stay polite, compromise and forgive when a line is crossed. You may not get anything in return. Still, all you can do is take the high ground and see if they follow. If that doesn't work, date one of their relatives. It drives them nuts.
Look at that. Let's welcome tonight's guests. Aside from Betty Crocker, he's my former baker, former CIA operative, diligence president all around, handsome dude, Mike Baker. Well, he could turn the world on with his smile and turn it off with his odor. Sorry, Fox News radio host Tom Shillue. Her favorite food is corn on the McCobb, that is a great into, "National Review" reporter Kat Timpf, and he jumps rope with a telephone line, former WWE superstar and my massive sidekick, Tyrus.
All right, Mike, good to see you, is there any hope for the United States to actually become united?
MIKE BAKER, FOMER CIA OPERATIVE: No. By the way, I like - this is the international symbol for jumping rope, right, Tyrus? I liked that, that was good.
GUTFELD: Go ahead and answer the question, Mike. Or you won't be back.
BAKER: You know me, I wasn't even listening to the question. But I think you've got an absolutely perfect point here. There's - nobody lives in the center anymore. Nobody is living in the middle ground. It's like French warfare. We're both sides are over here on opposite sides throwing hand grenades at each other, and we've lost the ability to have a civil discourse really about just about anything. As soon as you start talking, somehow it veers off course. And I've seen - I've got family that sits on both sides of the spectrum, right and left.
BAKER: And on the left, it's pretty hard core left and I just want to have dinner, right? You just want to get together and enjoy family and everything, and you can't do it. It's very, very difficult. We're not approaching civil war status, I don't think that's ever going to happen. By the way, if it did, the left would get its ass kicked. But I think we do need to step back, take a breath and do exactly what you say. Next time you're in a conversation, just realize, "Okay, look, we've seen a lot worse times." and it's not the death of the Republic every time the administration takes an action.
GUTFELD: You know, Tom, is it too much to expect the left to meet the right like - not even half way, I'd be happy if 10%, it's because they're angry they're out of power, would they actually respond?
TOM SHILLUE, RADIO TALK SHOW HOST: What's - you want 10% or are you going to give 10% or are you going to give 90%?
GUTFELD: I'm going to give 90.
SHILLUE: Oh, that's too much. I don't know. I don't think it's that bad. I mean, people yell at each other on - in the media.
GUTFELD: That's true.
SHILLUE: On TV, we yell at each other. We're always yelling at each other, but - and Twitter and everything else, but in normal life we're kind of nice to each other most of the time, you know, unless they kick you out of a restaurant every once in a while.
SHILLUE: But I don't mind. I mean, I think maybe the civility thing, I don't like civility. It's like - it's a debate. It's fake. The civility is fake.
GUTFELD: That is true.
SHILLUE: No one wants to be nice. They're like - they ask you a question at a debate, and they're like, "Well, first I'd like to pause and thank everyone for being here." It's like, "Shut up and answer the question." I want to be a little more rude. "Shut up, Tom." Yes.
GUTFELD: All right, Kat, Tom brought up social media. Do you - I have a theory, and I'm not - it's like, does it contribute to hostilities or is it a release valve so the hostilities are less likely to be on the street and more likely in the broadband where nobody really gets hurt? Is that correct? Or are you just, like, staring at me blankly waiting for me to shut up?
KAT TIMPF, REPORTER, NATIONAL REVIEW: I mean, I think that people can get hurt on social media. I think that sometimes people can be really, really mean and really, really nasty. And whenever you look at their bios, it's always like loving grandfather, and you're like, whoa, why are you like this? Where does it come from? Is it better that he's not yelling at his grandkids, I guess, probably.
TIMPF: I want everyone to be nice to their grandkids, so I'll be fine being called an idiot bimbo by a grandpa, you know? I can take it. But, yes, I think social media though, it shows you how really ugly people - some people are on the inside, and I think it's actually kind of terrifying.
GUTFELD: Tyrus ...
GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FORMER WWE SUPERSTAR: Huh?
MURDOCH: No, you said my name.
GUTFELD: I know.
GUTFELD: That's how I try to get you interested in this show.
GUTFELD: Should we all take the high road in political debate instead of trying to scare people.
MURDOCH: It's like deja vu. I feel like you've asked me this question a week ago. Yes, I take the high road because I'm tall, but I tote the middle. I walk casually. I'm not much of a yeller. So people scream and stuff, I'm using more of "what?" I'm a facial guy, so social media doesn't do much for me, but I do agree that social media is good for some people to say what they would never say in person, in real life because the ramifications and repercussions for some of their tough talk or their negative talk, worse thing that happens to them is they get blocked.
MURDOCH: You walk up to me on the street, and say some of the things - you get your ass kicked. Then you've got to heal, you've got to get new teeth probably, in some cases, learn to walk again. So, I mean, it's less - people are a lot tougher without the consequences. But what works for me because I get at lot of questions asked, I tend to answer them in ways that ends the conversation. "Hey, Tyrus, how you doing?" Maintaining. keep moving. What's going on? Room temperature. Just throw something at them. "Hey, what's up?" Furnace. And by the time they figure out what you said, you're gone.
BAKER: But I do think there's a potentially dangerous numbing effect from the social media and much like kids playing shooter games nonstop, right, and the ability for that to stunt sort of the development of empathy in those kids, I think the social media can do the same thing and we don't know because it hasn't been here long are enough - what the long-term impact can be, but I worry that it's removed the ability for us to have a reasoned conversation at least in the current moment. I'd like to ask my dad to stop yelling at Kat Timpf online.
SHILLUE: You would do that, it would help. Stop calling her names.
TIMPF: Thanks, Tom.
GUTFELD: No, but it is true that like, in order to have a conversation, you have to have some kind of facial recognition to see the eyes and know if somebody's kidding, like 90% of all the problems on social media are because nobody knows when you're kidding, you know? or like, I get huge fights on texts from people because they read it wrong. I mean, I do say [bleep] - they bleep that stuff. I'm going to make them work late tonight.
MURDOCH: You know what? That's a big problem in relationships.
MURDOCH: Because we think facts, and they write emotion like, what time are you going ot be home, and when I read it, what time are you going to be home? You know what I'm saying.
MURDOCH: Oh, you're on the set for 12 hours? And she's like, you're on the set for 12 hours, everything okay? I'm why you always - and when she calls, I'm like, what? I'm not doing nothing. I'm trying to work. Why are you yelling at me? You yelled at me first when you text me. Have you ever noticed now, when someone texts you, you're like, I heard what you said. No, you didn't, you read what I said. We've become weird.
GUTFELD: I know. I know. It has got to change. Any chance for a conservative peace movement?
MURDOCH: I think that's great. I'm with you.
GUTFELD: I think it can happen. I mean, the tea party was a peaceful movement, but it wasn't about peace, it was about economics. But I think it's possible.
BAKER: But what's this thing going to be, like the peace movement of the '60s? You had tie dye t-shirts and things? What's the conservative peace movement?
GUTFELD: Tie dye khakis. That's what it's going to be. All right, coming up, who would you trust to babysit your kids, the 13-year-old next door or this robot? We know one of them won't be drinking your beer.
Would you hand over your tot to a robot? It's called the iPal. it's a robot designed to entertain young children and be a babysitter, too. It made its debut in China, and its designers say it offers education and company for lonely children and peace of mind for adults. It's programmed to give homework lessons and tell jokes, and parents can remotely talk to and monitor children through the robot. Said a spokesperson, "When a child sees it, he or she will think of the robot as a friend be, as another child in the family," and then kill it out of jealousy. I added that part. Anyway, for more, we ask my robot neighbor, Jerry what he thinks of all of this.
Same thing jerry says every day. Honestly, I don't even know why he's my neighbor anymore. Shillue, is it dangerous having them bond with a non- sentient device?
SHILLUE: Absolutely. I don't like the bonding part. It's too cuddly.
GUTFELD: Oh really?
SHILLUE: It seems nice and friendly, the kid was hugging it. It's a baby sitter. It has to be way meaner than the parents. It should be the Terminator. It's like, you know, when you have a substitute, the kids take advantage of the substitute, so the substitute has to be way meaner. You know, like, if I'm the regular teacher, your substitute has to be Baker, right?
GUTFELD: That's true.
SHILLUE: So the robot can't be cute and cuddly, he has to be scary and meaner so that the kids do what they're told.
GUTFELD: Kat, would your life have been better if as a child you had an iPal?
TIMPF: Yes. I think that this is a great idea, actually.
TIMPF: I think that the robot is fully capable of making sure the child does not die.
GUTFELD: That's good.
TIMPF: Which, as I understand it, is the number one thing parents look for in a babysitter.
GUTFELD: That is true.
TIMPF: And also, if they get emotionally connected to the robot, so what? I was very emotionally connected to my Furby as a child ...
GUTFELD: And that's a robot.
TIMPF: And I feel like, I turned out okay.
GUTFELD: That's true. Furby, not so well though.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, can you see these things in America?
MURDOCH: Not with my kids. First thing they'd do is take the robot swimming. I would come home to an explosion in the bathtub and them going, "He did it, she did it." I would be - I have big concerns with just, with seeing, like, my kids grow up. The hardest thing for me is they're so involved - they're very individualistic, they're very into they're iPads and their video games, and when they play with other kids, sometimes it's like, "You do this. Here's a ball. Both of you will get the ball," and they'll look at it and be like, "Do we download this?"
Like I'm not sure - the personal, the molding, the growing and stuff, I just don't - my concern is with that.
GUTFELD: Really? All right, I don't know because I don't have children, and I like robots a lot, Mike. Robots are not affected by emotion, and that makes them better at everything because every mistake humans make is from emotion. That wasn't a question.
BAKER: Yes, that was a statement.
GUTFELD: I realized that. Robots - robot sitters will not sneak a robot boyfriend into your house. Every babysitter did that when I was a kid.
GUTFELD: Yes. Including Sven.
BAKER: Before I forget, I bought my daughter a Furby when she was young, scared the crap out of her. It was not a good toy. It was not a good toy. Although I kept it because now it's, you know, fun to scare my kids, now the younger ones.
GUTFELD: Why don't you answer the question?
BAKER: I'm trying to, you know what? Okay, here's what I think. Better a robot than a clown, but I agree with Tyrus that this thing's not going to throw a ball with the kids.
GUTFELD: It could.
BAKER: It's not going to play ball with the kids, and the other thing is actually from a financial point of view, it's not bad. I'm conflicted on this because financially this could be good. I did a back of the envelope thing. These start around $2,500.00, for my three boys, for a scooter and Sluggo (ph) and Mugsy (ph), I pay about $60.00 for four hours for a babysitter when my wife and I go out day drinking, and so we - I figured $60.00 a pop, that's about 40 times and then that thing's paying for itself.
GUTFELD: It is paying for itself. You're pretty cheap, $60.00 for four hours?
BAKER: That's $15.00 an hour.
GUTFELD: Well, you're in Idaho.
BAKER: We are. We just give the kids some guns and chainsaws and tell them, get out back, the babysitter was there in case something happens, but I think it's a problem. We go back to that same thing which was numbing from social media, numbing from social media, numbing from lack of personal contact, numbing from, you know, human development. This could be another problem.
TIMPF: Why is personal contact good?
BAKER: Yes, well, okay. For you it might not be.
TIMPF: Whoever - why is it seen as being objectively good?
MURDOCH: We're social beings.
TIMPF: Are we though?
MURDOCH: Yes, we are.
BAKER: Exactly, Tyrus.
MURDOCH: I just don't want to be 60 years old in my chair here, my best friend was a robot, dad. A robot. I had no friends. You never held me. I plugged the damn thing at night so it could play with you in the morning. I downloaded all your favorite games on there. I tried.
BAKER: That's a good point. If you can make Minecraft play on its little chest visual thing, maybe it would be a good thing.
GUTFELD: The other thing, too, about a robot sitter, you don't have to worry about them going through your medicine cabinet and stealing your prescriptions. I've been watching you. I know you're doing that. All right, before we go to break, an update on a story we've been following.
Recently the world went nuts watching video of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, video that appeared to show his eyebrow falling off at a press conference and that was it and we never saw it again. Leaving us to wonder, where did the eyebrow go? What was his journey? Well, now we have the exclusive details. Here's our latest installment of where are they now.
(VIDEO CLIP STARTS)
JESSE WATTERS, HOST, FOX NEWS: It's Justin Trudeau's eyebrow that has gone missing. Look at his left eye brow fall down in the middle of a speech, if you could see it right there. What's it doing?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: That was in June. It was a story gone viral once anonymous sitting on a leader's face, now instantly famous, lusted, desired by everyone, Justin Trudeau's left eyebrow, unprepared for his overnight fame yet, excited by the limelight he embraced the attention as well as the excess. Parties, women, more parties. He cavorted with only A-listers, moustaches that ignored him before, now took him under their hairy wing. Steve Harvey, Tom Selleck and John Stossel, life couldn't be better for Justin Trudeau's left eyebrow, until it got to be too much.
Justin Trudeau's left eyebrow began to wilt under the heat and pressure of the spotlight. He turned to drugs and just for men hair color. His mood grew dark. He lost his famous friends. Tom Selleck's moustache would no longer return his calls. Justin Trudeau's left eyebrow started hanging with the wrong crowd. Chuck Todd's goatee, Rand Paul's wet, soggy mop and all of Gabe Kaplan from "Welcome Back, Kotter." Then after a wild night with David Letterman's beard, it become undeniable, Justin Trudeau's left eyebrow had hit rock bottom.
Flat broke, he began renting himself out as a moustache for fake IDs until one fateful day when an old friend reached out. That friend, none other than John Bolton's moustache. Today, Justin Trudeau's left eyebrow runs a bed and breakfast with John Bolton's moustache and says he's finally living his best life. This has been where are they now.
(VIDEO CLIP ENDS)
GUTFELD: Yes, thank you. Still to come, should we rethink where we choose to drink? Millennials prefer not to leave their couch. I say more room for me to throw up in public.
MARIANNE RAFFERTY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Marianne Rafferty. A treacherous mission to save a soccer team trapped in a flooded cave in Thailand may start soon. Twelve boys ages 11 to 16 and their coach have been in that cave for more than two weeks now. Massive flooding hindered their escape and kept rescuers from locating them for nearly ten days. Now oxygen is running out, and authorities want to get everyone out before the heavy monsoon rains start again.
Meanwhile, the boys and their coach wrote letters which were delivered by divers making an 11-hour back and forth journey to act as postmen. The coach apologizes to the boys' families and promises to take care of them, and despite the dangers, the boys seem to be in good spirits. One reminded his family not to forget to plan his birthday party. Another says, "When I come out, we will go eat fried chicken." I'm Marianne Rafferty, now back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."
GUTFELD: Hi, we're back. Well, you're back. I'm currently at luau. I'm tall in Hawaii. Which brings me to this question, do millennials stink because they won't go out to drink? A new survey shows three in ten people between the ages of 24 to 31, that's a lot of numbers, prefer to drink at home because they say, and this is straight from the survey, it takes too much effort to go out. I'd like to say something to those three people who stay at home on their couch drinking, thank you for watching my show.
You're so much better than those other seven at the bar. They suck. Overall, more than half of American consumers prefer drinking at home. Reasons range from it being more relaxing to cheaper to personal, whatever that means. The good news is if more are drinking at home, that probably means fewer drunks on the road and fewer drunks passed out at the bar like this sad sack.
(VIDEO CLIP STARTS)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: There he goes again.
(VIDEO CLIP ENDS)
GUTFELD: That guy's cut off. All right. Kat, I believe you are a millennial. I'm not sure. Why is it too much effort to go out?
TIMPF: Well, yeah, it's too much effort, and it's also just not as fun. They won't change the sports games from the TVs at the bar to forensic files even if you say please.
TIMPF: You have to drink around a bunch of strangers, and sometimes they try to talk to you.
TIMPF: Even if you give them that your face makes me want to throw up look, they still keep talking to you. I don't want to be around a bunch of drunk strangers, I want to be around a bunch of drunk people who I love.
GUTFELD: Oh, or just your cat.
TIMPF: Yes, well, you know what? I do have a cat, Greg. It's not a punch line, it's a beautiful thing.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, I actually do not - I'm not a big fan of bar drinking at night. Though I like to drink at a bar in the daytime because nobody is ever there.
MURDOCH: You're a day drinker?
GUTFELD: I can be, but you know what I do? I bring work with me.
MURDOCH: Tell us about that. What is that work like? What are you working on?
GUTFELD: I actually wrote this entire book at a bar ...
MURDOCH: Wow, interesting.
GUTFELD: Yes, I did, and I got sacked there with my little laptop. Always work when you're drinking, and you always feel like you're not a drunk.
MURDOCH: Those were just during the day. What hours would that start, say 6:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m.?
GUTFELD: No, I would go from like one to five or when I got really blurry.
MURDOCH: Awesome. Kat, let me ask you a question. He's a drunk, isn't he?
GUTFELD: Do you have an opinion?
MURDOCH: I was interviewing you, Greg. You know what? I partied in college and when I was done, that was it. I mean, when I go to a bar, people ask me for jobs, they ask me where the bathroom is. I get tons of jokes, "What's it like up there? How many drinks does it take to get drunk?" It's just a long night for me, so I stay at home. I enjoying being at home.
GUTFELD: I like being at home, Mike because I don't like bad drinkers and at bars, there are a lot of bad drinkers.
GUTFELD: Yes, inexperienced. Drinking is a gift that you shouldn't abuse.
BAKER: Yes, first of all, a shout out to Jim's Alibi and Symposium in Boise, two of the great drinking bars. I think part of the problem with millennials is they don't know the joy of a good dive bar. And.
GUTFELD: I disagree, but go ahead.
BAKER: And then, the other thing, I read the story, and I probably misread it, but I read it almost as if the millennials were doing that thing they seem to like to do which is to claim ownership or invention of something that's been going on for generations. My parents were born in the '20s, they and their generation invented drinking at home.
GUTFELD: That is so true.
BAKER: Tiki bars.
GUTFELD: Yes, we had a tiki bar at my house. My dad and my mom were born in the '20s, they had a tiki bar in the backyard. They called it a lanai.
BAKER: That's when they came out with the Tom Collinson whiskey sour mixes and that was very exotic. They had mixes at home, and I remember sitting there watching my parents drinking at home and thinking one day that'll be me.
GUTFELD: Did you ever wonder why they started acting funny? Why are mommy and daddy acting funny?
BAKER: They usually sent us to bed before that happened.
GUTFELD: It's just like, you didn't understand that, like, over time they started acting differently. Why are they acting differently? Tom, what are your thoughts on this?
SHILLUE: Ah, young people. They should get out. You've got to get out more. You know where I like to drink? Sears. Great place to drink. You can, you know, all different departments. Don't go to the craftsman section. But, yes. I like to get out there, take a flask with me. I's always nice. I need a place since Toys 'R Us closed, Greg.
MURDOCH: Dear God, Tom Shillue with a flask, you've got to go by that.
BAKER: Although he's got a valid point, the joy of a flask.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, a flask - you can't carry flasks around anymore because you're always being frisked. You used to be able to take them to concerts.
BAKER: And on airplanes.
SHILLUE: Breast pocket, Greg. Breast pocket.
MURDOCH: Wait a minute, you can't take a flask. It has to be empty.
BAKER: What I'm saying is, you used to be able to.
MURDOCH: Oh, okay, yes.
BAKER: Just like with hand guns.
MURDOCH: I've ever been held up with a flask in an airport, but one would think liquid, you know, you can't get that through.
GUTFELD: The other good thing about drinking at home is it forces you to make your home less depressing. It could come like with a little bar, a little area to drink. It's kind of nice.
MURDOCH: It depends on the person, Greg. You might drink because your home is depressing.
GUTFELD: That's true.
TIMPF: I sit around drinking.
MURDOCH: You might rush it up while watching "Law and Order," wife goes, "Why are you acting like that?" Just leave me alone.
TIMPF: I sit around drinking wine out of mugs. That's kind of depressing.
GUTFELD: Well, drinking wine out of mugs, why is that a problem?
TIMPF: I don't think it's a problem.
GUTFELD: It holds things.
TIMPF: It holds things just as good any other glass.
GUTFELD: Wine glass is a total scam.
TIMPF: And they have handle. They have a handle. It makes it easier for me to gesture around when I'm talking to my cat.
BAKER: Like this?
TIMPF: You know, like are, you know, like that when you talk.
GUTFELD: There is no - wine tastes the same whether it's in a mug or a wine glass. You don't need a wine glass.
BAKER: I disagree.
SHILLUE: I disagree.
GUTFELD: Should we do a whole other segment on this?
BAKER: We should.
GUTFELD: I'm not going to do that.
SHILLUE: It's like when you go to a party and they have wine and you have to drink out of a red cup, like, I'm going home.
GUTFELD: Oh. racist. Coming up, where the hell do these go at night? That's just one question we'll be tackling in the next segment. We'll answer audience questions instead, stick around.
Now, if I haven't told you, I'm on vacation, so I figured this as good of a time as any to answer some questions. Some are from viewers, some are just questions that randomly popped into my head. First pot luck question, if you could have any other job, what would it be? Baker.
GUTFELD: Fireman? Why.
BAKER: I had the good fortune of going down to Florida to a Fire Academy and going down there and running through their program, and it's amazing what they do. Plus I think.
GUTFELD: They fight fires.
BAKER: Yes, every day you wake up and you realize what you're doing is potentially saving lives. Every day, think how energizing that must be.
GUTFELD: And their trucks are so shiny.
BAKER: Yes, well, there is that. By that, you mean, they have shiny trucks.
GUTFELD: They have shiny trucks. Tom, same question.
SHILLUE: Wouldn't mind doing a little cobbling, Greg.
SHILLUE: Always wanted to be a cobbler. Let me see those shoes. Look at that. It's a forgotten art.
GUTFELD: It's a forgotten - you were - in your village, if you were a cobbler, you got all the ladies.
GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.
SHILLUE: Maybe a blacksmith too, that's kind of cool.
GUTFELD: Yes, blacksmith.
MURDOCH: A what?
SHILLUE: I like the art of smithery, yes.
SHILLUE: A smithy.
GUTFELD: That's how you got the last name Smithy. If you were a glass smith, they called you smithy, that's so true. Kat?
TIMPF: Sea lion trainer.
GUTFELD: Why that?
TIMPF: Are you kidding me, you could hang out with sea lions all day, and then you tell them to do something and they do it, and you give them a fish. There's nothing better?
GUTFELD: There's nothing better.
BAKER: Have you smelled sea lions when they get together?
TIMPF: Yes, but you know, don't crush my dreams.
BAKER: I'm sorry.
GUTFELD: They don't even look like lions. Tyrus?
MURDOCH: Your boss.
GUTFELD: Don't clap. Egging him on. I would like to be my own personal masseuse. Wouldn't that be great? Be able to massage yourself? Whenever you get a massage, it's never that good. You're going, ah, do more around the neck. Or why can't you do - oh, you just missed the best part. But if you're your own personal masseuse, you're always like in tune. Maybe I have a problem. Here is our next.
MURDOCH: That would be a write-up.
GUTFELD: If you were a high school teacher, what subject would you teach?
I'm interested - what do you think, Tom? What would you teach?
SHILLUE: I think I'd go gym teacher.
GUTFELD: Really, why?
SHILLUE: Yes, just get all the kids back. My gym teacher is always torturing me, and you know, take out my aggression on the youth.
GUTFELD: Yes, you'd make them climb the rope, wouldn't you?
SHILLUE: Yes, make them climb the rope all the way to the top. No crash pad down below.
GUTFELD: Fantastic. Mandatory dodgeball as they leave with baseballs. Dodgeball with baseballs. Dodge base, we used to call it. Tyrus, I have a feeling you'd be a great teacher. What would be?
MURDOCH: I was a teacher. I teach history, so I'll stick with that. That's easy. You don't have to prep much. All the answers are in the book. Whenever a kid failed the test, he's like - but - "Bro, answer's in the book." How do you think I know this stuff?
GUTFELD: I was always trying to steal the answer key. Everybody wanted to get the answer key, Kat that was the whole point, the answer key. What about you? What would you teach?
TIMPF: I couldn't do it.
GUTFELD: No? You'd be a terrible teacher?
TIMPF: High school kids terrify me.
GUTFELD: What about grade school kids?
TIMPF: Even scarier.
BAKER: What about preschool kids?
TIMPF: Scary, too.
GUTFELD: All right, so how about pets? You want to teach pets.
TIMPF: I will teach sea lions.
GUTFELD: I would do an introduction to Greg Gutfeld and the curriculum would be my latest book, "The Gutfeld Monologues," required reading, and available now on Amazon, Simon & Schuster or other important places.
BAKER: There was space on there to get a few more pictures of yourself.
GUTFELD: Believe me, I wanted more. We have a time for one more question. Here's our next one. Who is going to be the next president? Ooh. Kat?
TIMPF: I think Trump's going to win again.
GUTFELD: But after Trump?
GUTFELD: Okay. Tyrus? So, is that Timpf 2024?
TIMPF: Yes. They're all going to vote for me.
MURDOCH: What are you talking about? Trump's president for life, don't you ...
GUTFELD: Do you think he's going to have a vote where he gets rid of the second term limits?
MURDOCH: Right after I become Press Secretary, yes. I can't wait to come out and say, forever.
SHILLUE: I think it's - the door to celebrity has opened up. But it's not going to be like Oprah or anybody, I think it's going to be like - who was that guy on "Friends?" Joey? I think he's going to be really.
TIMPF: Matt Leblanc?
SHILLUE: Matt Leblanc.
TIMPF: I love Matt Leblanc. I love him.
GUTFELD: I love him, too. Especially since his hair went gray. Mike, what about you?
BAKER: I'm going with Kat on this, I think Trump will win next time. I think the Dems are going to eat their own. It's going to look like the Republican primary from last time around, they're going to have 16 or 18 candidates. I think they're all going to destroy each other. So, after Trump then, I suspect it probably could be my wife. She's the smartest, most eligible person I know.
GUTFELD: Somebody got in a fight. Somebody got in a fight.
BAKER: Thank you.
GUTFELD: That's just (inaudible), but the idea of the contrast between one and many is why Trump won. They do these studies with products like if you want to sell a soft pillow, you don't compare it to a firm pillow, you compare it to five firm pillows and everybody likes the contrast. If you had 17 candidates, that's why Trump won because everybody looked the same. It's going to happen with Democrats. They're going to get 15, and then that one person that stands out, that's different - could be a professional athlete, could be a comedian, could be an actor.
SHILLUE: How about the guy who sawed his boat in half in the commercial?
GUTFELD: Yes. You read my mind. God, he's insane. Still to come, our favorite day commercials and the return of Press Secretary Tyrus, that's next.
And now a time to take a look back at the baroque period in Europe. Just kidding. We're taking a look at our favorite videos from 2018 so far, mine is none other the Brett Baier.
(VIDEO CLIP STARTS)
TIMPF: Sometimes I need the hard news of the day, but other times I just want to cuddle. Why can't I have both?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, now you can with the new Bret Bear. He's fair and balanced and unafraid to snuggle. Just squeeze his tummy and get informed.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The 41st President wants to go to Maine this summer.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bret Bear is there when you start your day.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife arrived yesterday attended a dinner at Mount Vernon.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And with his signature striped tie, pocket square and flag pin, Bret Bear fits in with even the most sophisticated crowds.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Jeff Sessions will not recuse himself from the investigation into the President's personal attorney, Michael Cohen.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And he's there at the end of your day, too.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: When I get home at night, I just want something to hold that brings me comfort, but I also want the news.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: At this hour, voters are still casting ballots in Arizona's special election.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Thanks, Bret Bear.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And don't forget, Bret Bear he can help you nail a job interview.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I don't think you're a match for this company.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Rough day on Wall Street, the S&P 500 lost 36, the NASDAQ finished down 121.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How about now?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You're hired.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So get your Bret Bear today.
BRET BAIER, NEWS ANCHOR, FOX NEWS: I'm Bret Baier in Washington, and I'll see you later.
(VIDEO CLIP ENDS)
GUTFELD: All right. Tyrus, what have you got?
MURDOCH: Actually, Greg, my favorite is one no one has even seen yet. As you know, I sometimes fill in as the White House Press Secretary, and I did it again this week. Take a look.
(VIDEO CLIP STARTS)
MURDOCH: It's good to be back. If any of you have questions for Greg, make it fast. I've got a birthday party to be at in 30 minutes.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Can you tell us how the invitees were selected?
MURDOCH: Yes, it's a private party that Greg's hosting for his pet ferret, Claude. He said if I don't attend, Fusion GPS will release a dossier on me. He invited the president, too, but I'm pretty sure he's busy.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Is there anything you can tell us about that?
MURDOCH: I mean, what can you possibly buy a ferret for his birthday besides maybe a dead rabbit?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Did you actually rule out doing that?
MURDOCH: Bro, I don't know. I highly doubt anyone even shows up.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What happens then, sir?
MURDOCH: You have a lot of questions, sir, Greg probably won't be too happy. He rented out an entire Chuck E. Cheese for this party. Honestly, I'm amazed that they agreed to work with him again. The manager is really concerned after what happened last year.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What is he basing that concern on?
MURDOCH: Oh, I don't know, maybe Claude climbing on tables and eating other people's pizza or Greg refusing to leave the kids' ball pit because we're all the same size, officer, it shouldn't matter.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: He knows what was done, and he is saying these allegations are baseless.
MURDOCH: Baseless. He's just trying to save face. Truth is after a few Shasta root beers, the dude gets wild.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: How are we supposed to ...
RAFFERTY: This is a Fox News alert. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo holding a press availability in Tokyo alongside the foreign ministers of Japan and South Korea. Let's listen in.
MIKE POMPEO, SECRETARY OF STATE OF THE UNITED STATES: ... before I talk about North Korea, I want to say that we are closely following the news of the flooding and landslides that are hitting western Japan. The United States expresses its deep condolences to the families of those who died, and we send our thoughts and prayers to the families who are injured or missing. To our Japanese friends, the American people stand with you as you recover from this tragedy.
As we build on the momentum of President Trump And Chairman Kim Jong-un's historic summit, the United States, the Republic of Korea and Japan continue to strengthen our trilateral cooperation to achieve the goals set out in Singapore. To that very end, today's meeting was a top priority after my talks in North Korea these past days. Over two days, my team and I met with the Vice Minister Chairman Kim Yong-chol and his colleagues. We had good faith, productive conversations which will continue in the days and weeks ahead.
In the meantime, sanctions remain in place and we will continue to enforce them with great vigor. During the visit we intended to build upon the agreements made by President Trump and Chairman Kim, and we made progress. But first, let me make clear, North Korea reaffirmed its commitment to complete denuclearization. We had detailed and substantive discussions about the next steps towards a fully verified and complete denuclearization.
In addition, North Korea agreed to meet in mid-July in Panmunjom to discuss the repatriation of remains of our American service members. North Korea also reaffirmed its earlier commitment to destroy its missile engine test site which will make the region and the world safer. We also established a working level team that will carry out the day-to-day work of our two sides.
Yes, the road ahead will be difficult and challenging, and we know critics will try to minimize the work that we've achieved. But our allies like the Republic of Korea and Japan, President Trump and I believe that peace is worth the effort and that's something that we all want. As allies, we share and are committed to the same goal, the fully verified, final denuclearization of North Korea as agreed to by Chairman Kim Jong-un.
As President Trump has said, there is no limit to what North Korea can achieve if it gives up its nuclear weapons, should the DPRK follow through on its commitments, we look forward to eventually helping North Korea obtain prosperity and earn the respect of the world. However, North Korea will first have to fulfill its commitments to denuclearize.
Sanctions will remain in place until final fully-verified denuclearization as agreed to by Chairman Kim occurs. Multiple UN Security Council resolutions unanimously passed require all nations to fully enforce those sanctions. Our three countries will continue to be vocal in reminding each country of its obligations to do so.
And so while we are encouraged by the progress of these talks, progress alone does not justify the relaxation of the existing sanctions regime. There is also no change to our ironclad commitment to the defense of our allies, the Republic of Korea and Japan. The security of our allies is integral to our American security. The United States looks forward to continuing our close coordination with Japan and South Korea as we achieve the successful implementation of the agreement that was achieved at the Singapore Summit. Thank you.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Thank you very much. Lastly, let us invite the Minister Kang Kyung-Wha. Minister, please?
KANG KYUNG-WHA, FOREIGN MINISTER OF SOUTH KOREA,: Thank you very much. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen of the press. It is indeed a distinct honor for me to be here with Secretary of State, Mr. Mike Pompeo, and my Japanese counterpart, the Foreign Minister Taro Kono here in Tokyo so soon after Secretary Pompeo's third visit to Pyongyang.
But first of all, let me also reiterate the sentiment expressed by Secretary Pompeo about the terrible losses caused by the torrential rain and flooding in Western Japan. Our thoughts are very much with the families and communities affected by this climactic event, and we wish them, the government swift recovery and our greatest sympathies to the families affected.
Secretary Pompeo's visit to the Pyongyang, his third one, this visit having taken place in follow-up to the historic US/North Korea summit has been a productive starting point for implementing the agreements reached between President Trump and Chairman Kim in Singapore.
Today's meeting among the three of us underscores the unwavering commitment on the part of our three countries to achieve the shared goal of complete denuclearization and the establishment of lasting peace on the Korean peninsula. First and foremost, I would like to express my deepest gratitude and admiration to Secretary Pompeo for his tireless efforts to advance the dialogue with North Korea with a great deal of patience and deep commitment to turning this historic opportunity into reality of a nuclear-free, peaceful Korean peninsula.
At today's meeting, Secretary Pompeo explained to us in detail the results of his visit to North Korea and gave us a good sense of the work going forward including the meeting scheduled at Panmunjom on July 12th regarding the return of the POW/MIA remains, but further consultations to be had with North Korea going forward.
In the two rounds of the inter-Korean summits and last month's US/North Korea summit, the three leaders clearly set the direction towards our shared goal and Secretary Pompeo's visit to Pyongyang this time has taken the first steps in that direction, and we expect these to be followed up by further constructive and productive negotiations between the US and North Korea and the Republic of Korea stands ready to provide whatever assistance is needed to move the dialogue along.
The Security Council sanctions, as we have agreed in our trilateral meeting, will remain in place and faithfully implemented until we are assured of complete denuclearization by North Korea. North Korea's denuclearization and provision of security guarantees and economic development that it desires must move together in our joint efforts to chart a brighter future towards lasting peace and prosperity on the Korean peninsula and, indeed beyond in this region.
This was the blueprint set forth in President Moon's speech in Berlin a year ago as well as the vision that President Trump and Chairman Kim agreed to in Singapore, and, therefore, it is thus in the interest of all that we move forward expeditiously in this endeavor. We have also confirmed once again that the ROK/US alliance is firm and strong and will remain so during this process of North Korea's denuclearization. We have made it clear that.
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