Gutfeld: Democrats are living in a fantasy world of denial concocted by a complicit media

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Gutfeld: Democrats are living in a fantasy world of denial concocted by a complicit media

The DNC showed reality doesn't matter to Democrats as long as Trump is president.

This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," August 22, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

GREG GUTFELD, HOST: It was a week for the really weak. Here's a 20-second recap. Anymore and you might die.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: We need numbers overwhelming, so Trump can't sneak or steal his way to victory,

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOHN KASICH (R), FORMER OHIO GOVERNOR: Division, dysfunction, irresponsibility, and growing vitriol between our citizens.

BARACK OBAMA, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Donald Trump hasn't grown into the job because he can't

SEN. BERNIE SANDERS (I-VT): Nero fiddled while Rome burns. Trump golfed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: What's with all the deadwood behind Bernie? A metaphor for his party? And yes, that was Kasich literally standing at a fork in the road. I hope he acts out more cliches. He can kill two birds with one stone. What if he beat a dead horse? I guess we're lucky he didn't say it's time to cut the crap.

So how did the media handle all of their anti-Trump vile regurgitated by people more famous than they are? I bet it was history shaking, really.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN HOST: The history making speech from Kamala Harris and really history shaking speech by President Obama, just an extraordinary speech.

WOLF BLITZER, CNN HOST: This may have been the most powerful address he ever gave a presidential address to the nation.

RACHELLE MADDOW, MSNBC HOST: Michelle Obama started talking and it was like -- like a moment passed and it was over. She is absolutely riveting.

NICOLLE WALLACE, MSNBC HOST: She delivered epic shade.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I think I have to rinse myself off. They gush like the old faithfuls they are. It was like they were watching it on a drug, a drug called stupidity, because for normal people, the convention carried all the joy of traffic school.

I've witnessed more exciting rice cakes. The only reason they drool over Obama is because he just repeated their script. All petty emotion, no facts. Complimenting Obama complements themselves.

Then there was this stab at comedy. Literally, they killed comedy.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS, AMERICAN ACTRESS: So what did you think about Kamala Harris's speech last night?

ANDREW YANG, CNN POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: It was tremendous. I was so happy for her.

DREYFUS: I know me, too. She was fabulous. I cannot wait to see her debate. Our current vice president Mika Pints, or is it paints?

YANG: It's pronounced Ponce, I believe.

DREYFUS: Oh, some kind of weird foreign name.

YANG: Yes, not very American sounding.

DREYFUS: Yes, that's what people are saying strongly.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Who said leftists can't be funny. I could watch that satanic version of Abbott and Costello forever. It's like a talent show two siblings throw for their parents friends at bridge night. It sucked. Everything sucked. If only they made these sad speeches slightly more exciting.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

H. CLINTON: As Michelle Obama and Bernie Sanders warned us, if Trump is reelected, things will get even worse. That's why we need unity now more than ever.

KASICH: Division, dysfunction, irresponsibility, and growing vitriol between our citizens, continuing to follow that path will have terrible consequences.

B. OBAMA: Donald Trump hasn't grown into the job, because he can't.

SANDERS: Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Trump golfed.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: If I produce it, that's how it would look. Anyway, the convention had three goals; one, to make the election a referendum on Trump's personality. After all, it's a thing that can't be measured, unlike war casualties or the economy, but focusing on the unmeasured offers no need for proof, just feelings, right Captain Perv?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BILL CLINTON, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: At a time like this, the Oval Office should be a command center, instead it's a storm center. There's only chaos.

Just one thing never changes, his determination to deny responsibility and shift the blame.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Yes, that's your go-to guy on conduct. A guy who used the Oval Office the way Epstein used his plane.

Awesome that after weaponizing the #MeToo movement to crush Brett Kavanaugh, they welcomed the Hall of Famer of handsy horndogs.

And besides, how do we know he had his pants on when he taped that? His wife also showed up, wide eyed and really wide eyed.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

H. CLINTON: This can't be another would have, could have, and should have election. Joe and Kamala can win by three million votes and still lose. Take it from me.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: We did take it from you, fair and square. You always know when crazy face is talking, every dog in every house retreats to the nearest corner under a bed, but it's hard to take moral lectures from folks who coddled creeps for so long.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MICHELLE OBAMA, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: I want to start by thanking Harvey Weinstein for organizing this amazing day.

This is possible because of Harvey. He is a wonderful human being, a good friend and just a powerhouse and the fact that he and his team took the time to make this happen for all of you should say something not about me or about this place, but about you.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Everyone knew Harvey was slime, but he was liberal slime and liberal slime can do anything it wants to anyone it wants.

Now their second strategy, pretending that the violence in our cities doesn't exist as they condemn Trump for his conduct. They excuse murder, mayhem and mobs and trash the guy, Trump who is trying to stop that stuff.

But to acknowledge the chaos would be to admit their guilt. After conflating criminality with minorities they now falsely believe to fight crime is just like fighting minorities when it's actually the reverse.

The Dems are true racists. They think minorities want less law and order and fewer cops? That's wrong. So no wonder they hid the havoc. And of course, the media knows the ongoing violence is a reminder that voting Trump could put your life in danger. That his victory will make the George Floyd riots look like a church social.

Which brings us to Joe.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN (D), DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: The third anniversary of the events in Charlottesville. Close your eyes. Remember what you saw on television. Remember seeing those neo-Nazis and Klansmen and white supremacists come out of fields with lighted torches, veins bulging, spewing the same anti-Semitic bile heard across Europe in the 30s.

Remember what the President said when asked, he said, there were quote, "very fine people on both sides."

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Now anyone with a pair of eyes and a transcript knows this is false. Trump actually said this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DONALD TRUMP (R), PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I'm not talking about the neo-Nazis and the white nationalist, because they should be condemned - - totally.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: See, he was actually talking about both sides of the monument debate. But the media and Biden always omit that. Why? It's more than wrong, it is actually dangerous to do that.

We're living in unstable times, a twin-demic of disease and racial conflict. So do you think reviving a three-year-old incident to push a lie that pits race against race is healthy for America?

Biden is bumbling America toward a race war. He pushes a sick lie that puts millions in harm's way while not lifting a finger to stop a national crime wave. It's a dark message that the media pretends is airy and light.

So media, save your drool. But at least Van Jones was honest.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

VAN JONES, CNN POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: We were prepared for it to be a terrible speech as long as he didn't embarrass himself we were going to come out here and praise it.

You don't have to make nothing up tonight. Joe Biden did that thing tonight. Unbelievable.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow, that's honest. CNN was just grateful Joe didn't poop his pants and rub it in his hair plugs. CNN are the parents at a hockey game clapping for their clumsy kid who keeps scoring against his own team. Oh look, Joe can read. Cue the orgasms.

Finally, they blame COVID on Trump even as obvious data refutes it. Blue states have roughly twice the number of deaths with fewer cases than red states.

New York's Democrat Governor allowed thousands of in rest homes to become infected and die over an insidious mistake.

Meanwhile, what did Trump do? Well, he shut down travel fast while facing down resistant Democrats. He got a zillion ventilators for a petulant Cuomo, who ended up with a stockpile.

He sent a hospital ship to a city port in an instant, which was then ignored by the Governor because he'd rather not do anything lifesaving that makes Trump look good.

He flowed cash to millions to get them through this pandemic and he set the table for America to endure this disease by delivering the best economic numbers in recent history.

But none of this matters because reality doesn't matter. We live in a fantasy world of denial concocted by a complicit media that allows beatings by rioting Democrat extremists to continue, shootings to rise and mobs to spread beyond cities to suburbs.

It's going to get worse until the Dems decide it gets better. Meaning Joe wins. It's an extortion plot against you and me. The only thing you can do, prevent the worst, which is the Democrats' very best.

Let's welcome tonight's guests.

ANNOUNCER: Period.

GUTFELD: Feeling blue, then get a dose of Shillue. Host of "The Quiz Show" on Fox nation, Tom Shillue. Nice hair.

He's the chief of staff in making you laugh, writer and comedian, Michael Loftus.

She's got deep thoughts and has had all her shots. Host of "Sincerely Kat" on Fox Nation, Kat Timpf.

He may be colossal, but he's smart as John Stossel, my massive sidekick and host of "Nuff Said" on Fox nation, Tyrus.

All right, Tom, have you learned anything from the convention? What were their mistakes?

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Well, yes, I learned so much from your monologue, Greg, so many great points and your point about the President's personality, not only is it not measurable, it's fixed.

So the President admits that that's why when he campaigns he says, you might not like me, but you still have to vote for me, and that's the best campaign line the President has, because people already know what they feel about Trump.

The Democrats had to take that and run with it. Their job was to say, look, forget about the President's personality, this is what we're going to do for you and they never did it. They continued on his personality, which is totally fixed. You can't change people's minds about it.

And you know, watching the Obamas and the way the people breathlessly talking about the Obamas. I don't think I'm alone, I'm in the minority, but I was never impressed with Obama as a speech maker.

I think he's boring. He is boring now. He was boring when he was President. He reminds me of -- there's always comedian like this. You know, a successful comedian who's on stage and the crowd kind of likes him. They're kind of laughing at him. He's very comfortable on stage, has a nice smile. No act.

Nothing you remember about them, and there's nothing anyone -- no one can tell you. They talk about Obama. They say, oh, he's such a great speechmaker. And then you say, what did he say? And then, I don't know what he said. They don't know. They can't tell you his act.

GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Michael, what was this week like for you?

MICHAEL LOFTUS, WRITER AND COMEDIAN: Well, first of all, I didn't think I was going to get attacked by Tom Shillue.

It was -- it was horrible. I have to think that they're still cleaning the Diet Coke off the walls of the Oval Office, just from all the spit takes that Trump was doing. What you hear is craziness?

Like, I just wish I could have been there with him to be his like, dude, I know guy. That's what Trump needs. He needs someone to hang out with him to go like, "Dude, I know. I know. It's great."

It was like watching a crazy ex-girlfriend talk about you, like you only went out with this chick once and now it was just night after night of like, "He's not nice. He's mean."

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Now, you're talking about me.

LOFTUS: It was great. When Barack was -- and here's the other thing. How many takes do you think that Joe Biden speech took? Was it like seven, eight, nine takes? Where he is like life, liberty and the -- you know the thing. They're like, "Cut. Try it again from the top, Joe."

It was it was horrible.

GUTFELD: It was also like the shortest speech in recent history I read somewhere. Kat, what was the highlight or low light for you?

TIMPF: The low light for me was when Kamala came out and there was a voice over calling her a fighter for ending mass incarceration when she has contributed to mass incarceration.

How do you get a voiceover like that when you have fought to lock up non- violent people, but then I was thinking, I really wish that is how the guest intros on this show works where, we had just lies to make me sound better than I really am, so I have a few suggestions.

GUTFELD: Sure. Okay.

TIMPF: She grows that hair all on her own and she's not addicted to her phone. She's far more beautiful than the waves of Thailand and she's never been dumped at Coney Island. And then my personal favorite, she's far too brave for any nerves and she makes jaws drop with her voluptuous curves.

GUTFELD: Wow. See, if I used any of those, I would have been fired.

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: Like that.

TIMPF: I'm not addicted to my phone. No, just think -- she gets it. Walk into a room, complete opposite of the horrible thing you did and everyone just lets that slide. I didn't know that was a thing. I'd like to walk into rooms like that.

GUTFELD: Me too. Hashtag. Tyrus. Do you think this won over anybody or were they just speaking to the choir?

GEORGE "TYRUS" MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I'm just going to keep it real. I just feel like I'm Dr. Evil in an Austin Powers movie when the Democratic Party does things. I always keep shaking my head going, "You just don't get it, do you?" You had momentum. You had all these things going in your favor, and then you go ahead and run a telethon with celebrities.

How many times have we told you, celebrities don't make people vote -- well, actually, they do. They make them vote for the other side. You just don't get it.

Luckily for me, the NBA playoffs was on, so, I had to keep checking scores because I just couldn't do it and the next time you're going to do a convention, maybe don't make it the MTV Music Awards for artists who aren't getting a music award this year.

You know, I didn't get any of the songs, and literally one of them was like, "Yo, where are my Latinos at," at the end and I was like, is that all I was supposed to be watching tonight? My bad, you know, like he literally -- if you would have said before we started the show at the end of your monologue, "Yo, where are my white guys at."

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURDOCH: You were saying, people would be like, wow, that was really insensitive and rude, Greg. Double standards are absolutely ridiculous.

But the other thing is, I don't know how -- I can't wait to find out any of their speeches because all the introductions are literally, first of all, you have to thank everybody, so I apologize to the panel for not thanking you all for your caucasian-ness and your individual struggles, whatever you all are going through. Do not participate in them.

I do empathize with your issues caused by your caucasianism, i.e. shortness, loss of hair, glasses, short on rhythm. The list goes on and on. And I just want to say, I'm proud of you all.

GUTFELD: Why thank you.

MURDOCH: For being here today, despite your obvious inequities. So thank you. I applaud.

GUTFELD: I'm crying inside and out. And on that note, we must move on.

We've got more and more and more. It's Trump's convention up next. How should he play it? We've got some advice.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: It's now time for Trump to hit the stump. The Republicans will make the case for the President next week. List of speakers include Nick Sandmann, fresh from his settlements with CNN and "The Washington Post" and Mark McCloskey who has been charged with unlawful use of a weapon for defending his property against the mob.

Trump has got a lot of accomplishments to tout, that's for sure. Defeating ISIS, jobs numbers before the pandemic and the economic recovery now. Did you know we call it a super V?>

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: We call it a super V. It's no longer a V. It's a super V. And they didn't think that could happen and they're probably not happy about it.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: And Trump will probably talk about the wall. Walls are one thing that doesn't change. Am I forgetting anything else?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: Two things don't change, right? Walls and wheels. And you can come back, you can come back and 2000 years from now and two things will still be around wheels and walls.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: He's right about that. And you know, Trump wants to hit back at every insult the Dems hurled at him this week, starting with Biden and his real home.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TRUMP: And his real home is a place he never leaves anymore.

[LAUGHTER]

TRUMP: Never leaves.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Now, don't give away the store there. Save some material for next week. Now, what a contrast, D.N.C. loves to show off their celebrity star power, but the R.N.C., they don't need mopey popstars, they have Trump. He is way more interesting than an angry actress, but he must remain on message and hit the Dems where it hurts.

Soft on crime, hard on cops, soft on economy, hard on hard working Americans, soft on radical leftism, hard on capitalism and soft on the border.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Yes, there you go. All right. Michael, any advice?

LOFTUS: I agree with you 110 percent. Trump is better. It doesn't matter who he gets to be on stage at the convention. The media is going to hate it. He could introduce Jesus himself and you'd have people freaking out over at MSNBC, like what happened to Jesus. It's sad to see politics and the Church.

And then Joe Biden is like, I went to school with Jesus. I don't think that was him. That's horrible. Trump should just host the whole thing and just show clips from the D.N.C. debate like John Madden talking about football, like look at Barack. Look at what Barack is saying here. That's crazy.

GUTFELD: That's a great idea.

LOFTUS: It would be awesome. Awesome with all kinds of ideas.

GUTFELD: Okay. That's a great idea. But Tyrus, what Michael is saying though requires that Trump is on every night because people are going to tune in for him. He can't just have like other people on. He's going to have to be there.

MURDOCH: I don't know where the hell you've been Greg for the last four years, but he is on TV every night.

GUTFELD: True.

MURDOCH: I think it should be about 15 minutes long. He should come out and say -- and behind him have a huge board of his accomplishments and he is like, throw up the W and walk off, like literally, don't give him anything.

If you've got to say anything, say everything you just saw for the last three days. I'm not going to do that. Deuces -- and walk off.

There's -- you're not going to be able to compete with the -- I don't know what you call it, the pageantry of whining that was for what for? Four years long.

It was. I mean, CNN had nothing else. Like, and if you missed it, they really want to punch you in the mouth, they replayed it. You don't say -- so you can't get away from it.

So they should just keep it short and sweet. Stick to their things, and have Trump come out drop the mic and walk off. It should be real, real easy. Don't try nothing. No glitter. No nothing. Stick to what got you to the dance and move on.

GUTFELD: Yes, you know, one thing great, I just learned, Kat, is that this means winning. I finally got it from Tyrus. It means winning or a missing finger. Kat, any advice?

TIMPF: More reptiles. Yes. Well, I don't go to conventions unless I am being paid, except I did spend hours on a train once to go to a Reptile Expo. I got a hold of Teego who is amazing.'

You know, so just call up Sandman, say, hey, sorry for what you went through. Hope you're super rich, but we are replacing it with the Gila Monster. I think, you would understand.

But one thing I wanted to mention, you didn't mention someone who would be there is going to be Alice Johnson who Trump commutated her sentence, so she is now free because of him and only because of him.

And I think that that just presents a very stark contrast to the D.N.C. side. We have a random voiceover saying someone something they're not. And then at the R.N.C., there's an actual example of somebody who is free and getting a second chance because of President Trump. I think that's just really powerful.

GUTFELD: Is it Gila or Gila? Is G silent?

TIMPF: No.

GUTFELD: Oh, all right. I learned something. I learned something from Kat.

TIMPF: You're welcome. You need any reptile knowledge, I'm your gal.

LOFTUS: Bob Gila.

GUTFELD: What? Bob Gila. All right, Tom, what say you?

SHILLUE: I think he needs audience. We just saw that clip of him and he had people there kind of cheering and laughing. I think there's going to be a lot of consultants saying oh, let's keep the crowds down to 10 or 20 people. He should get a crowd in there.

Find a way to get them distanced or whatever he has to do, he should have a rally. He should have people out there applauding, so we want to see that.

Also, I think he should say two things, I will never shut down the economy again and I will never mandate masks. He should say both of those things.

Right now, the Democrats are all in and I know they are never going to give up on this mask thing. If Democrats get in power, people are going to be wearing masks forever and I want it to end and he should say that there is going to be an end to this mask thing.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. I think in summary, he should talk about -- I think he should talk about the economy, law and order, definitely law and order, but stay and be focused and be on as much as possible and that's all I've got.

Don't make it look like a telethon. Do not make it look like a telethon.

Coming up. Nude cycling, hookers and pizza or what I call Wednesday.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from "America's News Headquarters," I'm Ashley Strohmier.

Another grim milestone for the coronavirus pandemic. The global death toll surpassing 800,000. More than 23 million people around the world are infected with the virus. That's according to data from Johns Hopkins University.

In the U.S., more than 176,000 people have died and about 5.6 million are battling the virus. U.S. leads the world in total number of cases and deaths. Brazil is second and India third.

And Minnesota is now the third state linking an outbreak of coronavirus cases to the Sturgis motorcycle rally that's in South Dakota. At least 15 cases are tied to that massive rally held earlier this month.

Cases have been reported in South Dakota and Nebraska. Residents of North Dakota who attended the event are being told to look out for symptoms.

I'm Ashley Strohmier, now back to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW. For all your headlines, log on to http://foxnews.com.

ANNOUNCER: Pandemic-Con.

GUTFELD: Oh, to be a fellow at a German bordello. Well, the brothels are open, but the openings remain closed. Yes, after months of a shutdown, brothels in Berlin, Germany are back in running but sex is banned, though customers can still get an erotic rub down or as it's known in Europe, the Bill Clinton.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm Bill Clinton and I approve this massage.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Meanwhile, in Philly, the city's annual naked bike ride has been cancelled. Organizers say calling it off was the safest bet. We went to a bicycle seat for comment.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Finally, COVID pills and other classic, up to 300 Pizza Hut restaurants are set to permanently close. They'll be replaced by a British guy named Liam.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Cooking my first ever pizza of my mine. Give it two minutes. Oh my god. [Bleep] now. [Bleep].

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Ah, no sympathy here. Kat, we -- just a prelim. We need to keep this clean, so the show editors aren't stuck here until Sunday, editing out jokes about hookers and nude cyclists.

TIMPF: Sex workers.

GUTFELD: Yes, sex workers. Go Kat.

TIMPF: Yes, I'm moving to Berlin. I really am moving to Berlin, okay?

They have more freedoms in some areas than we do. I get that we have very important ones that they don't have like completely free speech; however, from the whole bondage clubs a few weeks ago where they're like, oh good, just wear a mask.

And now with the brothels, they're saying, okay, we can open, but you can't bang for money just yet, right? People are actually protesting this too, by the way. They're very upset.

They're like, what? We're not going to take that and I love it. Adults should be able to decide what to do with their own adult bodies. And there's no reason why Germany should be beating us in freedom in any area.

GUTFELD: Yes. They're taking the germ out of Germany. Hey, Tom. This response, the brothels in general, it's just kind of -- it's so contradictory, but that's how this has been all along, right?

SHILLUE: Yes. And I mean, I think I don't know what -- maybe I could -- I would go to one of these brothels. If there was really no sex, then you could safely go and you could say, you know, maybe you could order a coffee.

I do like conversation, Greg. Maybe get a manicure. So I think it would be fun to have 100 percent wholesome interaction at a brothel. I think it would be a heck of a lot of fun.

But some of these other things, I mean, I wish they'd had the bike ride because what a spectacle that would be to see all these naked people on bikes with masks on because you know, they would be wearing the mask. To be safe.

GUTFELD: Yes, it's true, but that's the contradiction. It's like you can protest, but you can't pray. You could stay in lockdown in your home, but you can't sit inside a restaurant. It's driving me crazy, Tyrus. What do you make of this?

MURDOCH: Well, you know, it's all kind of connected, Greg. You know, my biggest fear with the reopening of the brothels and saying that they're not going to have sex.

A lot of rekindled and salvaged marriages will be in jeopardy because, honey, I just went there for the conversation. I just needed to get some stuff off my chest. And now he's not going because they can't have sex, which is -- he is going to be breaking his promises. You know what I am saying?

There's a lot of people who use that excuse. They go, Your Honor, yes, I was at the brothel, but I was really there to preach scripture.

GUTFELD: There you go.

MURDOCH: We are not having sex, I'm not going, you know what I'm saying? There's a lot of things, which ruins the family meal.

So then no one is going to Pizza Hut restaurants for the Sunday family meal anymore because we found out that dad was not going to the brothel in Germany for conversation. So the family unit is breaking down, and then when the machine breaks down, nobody works out anymore.

So therefore, nobody is excited to go on a naked bike ride, because dad turns out was actually brotheling at a brothel, instead of talking, which led to no family meal, and then no group exercise. So, it's a whole ugly life circle.

GUTFELD: Tyrus does the circle of life. He just did the circle of life. All right, Michael --

MURDOCH: It's tragic.

GUTFELD: Wrap it up, Michael. What do you say?

LOFTUS: A German brothel without sex is like peak Germany. These are the people who invented technology. It is the only way to show the humanity is to strip away the humanity and be all machine.

The perfect brothel is the sex without the sex and I want to think that the bike ride -- the naked bike ride was a protest because they would have to wear masks. You've got to go all naked or don't go. It's a great bike ride. Just make sure you're behind somebody good.

I've been in these bike rides where it looks like they're carrying around two bags of nickels, and you don't want to be in the cellulite parade.

GUTFELD: Up next, I just had a cameo. The best breakup revenge story ever.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: She threw in the towel, so he got back with a howl. After being dumped by his girlfriend, an Australian man -- aren't they all -- played a prank on his ex by putting up flyers with their phone number promoting a fake Chewbacca roaring contest with the promise of 100 bucks for the best impression.

People call the number at all hours of the day making howling noises of the famous character from the "Lord of the Rings" series. Take a listen.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: Sounds like the voicemails I get from Doocy after a few too many brandy Alexanders.

Anyway, the woman says she found the prank funny, but she is still not going back because she found someone new.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: So, I guess Chris Stirewalt grew his hair out. So anyway, Tyrus, the fact that he put all this effort into this, maybe the ex was right to dump him.

MURDOCH: Yes, if he put that much effort in the rejection, imagine what would have happened if he put that much effort in the actual relationship.

Like this is where guys get it all wrong. The only time you get amped up is when the show is over and you go out of your way to -- let's see what he did. First, he came up with the idea. It was so brilliant he then told it to one of his friends and then one of his friends who didn't really care that he was being stupid, then he said yes, bro, this is good idea.

Then he Googled Chewbacca. He printed it off. He then put her phone number. Probably messed up three or four times by misspelling Chewbacca, then he puts these papers up and then now yes, she's really going to know how hurt I am that I went to all this time and energy to do this to her.

And then what ends up happening? She ends up dating one of the guys with the Chewbacca sounding voices. Nice job, bro. Nice job. You did it man. You showed her and you made her famous. Right on, man. Proud of yourself. I know right now you're sitting somewhere alone on your mom's couch going, got her. Got him, coach. Like a -- moron.

GUTFELD: You know, Michael I'm not a big fan of pranks. I don't know why. I just find that -- it's a lot of efforts for little reward.

LOFTUS: I don't think this was a prank. I think he is doing her a favor. I think she needed this sounds. "I can only get off if I hear Chewbacca. You've got to give it your best shot," and he's in bed just like "ma-ma- ma," and it's horrible. "You sound like Peewee. I'm not going to have the big O."

So he decided, it didn't work out for him, so he's going to find her a good Chewbacca.

GUTFELD: Tom, I have to point out that Michael has now done two impressions and you've done none.

SHILLUE: I know, it's so true. It's so true.

GUTFELD: Yes. Have you ever -- Tom, you don't seem like a revengeful type? Have you ever taken revenge on an ex?

SHILLUE: Well, I don't even think this counts as revenge. He obviously loves her and he is just trying to show her affection by getting all of his friends to do his favorite Chewbacca impression.

No, that guy's obviously a psycho. He did more than this. First of all, you've got to think what he did. He put his ex-girlfriend's phone number all over the place.

GUTFELD: That is true.

SHILLUE: He's a total psycho.

GUTFELD: That's terrible.

SHILLUE: And then, he also parked his car on her lawn and he took the wheels off. So the thing is --

GUTFELD: I didn't know that.

SHILLUE: Yes, he did other weird things. The guy is a total nightmare. But it shows you, if you want to commit a crime and be a psycho, just add a cute character to it and everyone will think you're funny.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's such a good point. Kat, you didn't find this funny either. I didn't know that stuff about the car. That's not nice.

TIMPF: Yes, well, yes, Tom is right. He is a psycho. But not just because he plastered her phone number everywhere or really because he blocked her into her home with his car, but also because he clearly really, really, really likes "Star Wars."

That is a huge red flag, sir, if you're watching. I bet you sent some death threats my way in 2015.

But the bad news for this guy, of course, he got dumped. The good news is, he may never get dumped again. The bad news is, that's because he will probably never have another girlfriend because a guy who does stuff like this, he's going to be the guy, first five minutes of the date, he is like six whiskeys and, "Guess what I did. I am a funny guy." So yeah, boo you and boo you, and boo "Star Wars."

GUTFELD: Yes. Okay, and we've got to go, but I just want to give some advice to men. You know the best prank on an ex is success, achievement. Writing five "New York Times" bestseller books. There's a prank.

How about having three successful TV shows being a prank? How about marrying a beautiful woman? There's a prank. How's that for a prank, Becky?

Up next, Susan B. Anthony is now Susan Be Difficult.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: She gets a reprieve, yet her disciples still grieve. Shortly after President Trump announced he was pardoning women's rights activist Susan B. Anthony, the folks that run the Susan B. Anthony Museum said, "Thanks, but no," to a pardon. Who turns down a presidential pardon? The museum went on to explain that Anthony was very proud of her rebellion, and that pardoning her would only validate her conviction.

But do you buy that? Or do you think -- ask me why that if someone else had done the pardoning, someone not named Donald Trump, the mopey museum would have been over the moon. I put that question to you, Ethan.

[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]

GUTFELD: How many times, Ethan, keep -- I told you to keep your eyes on the road. Ethan. All right, Kat. Go ahead. Whatever.

TIMPF: No, I am actually a major, major Susan B. Anthony enthusiast.

GUTFELD: Really?

TIMPF: Yes. At my house whenever we do sham-bongs, it's a rule and just so -- I brought -- if you don't know what I'm talking about, here's the sham bong, and before you do the sham bong, you have to dedicate it to Susan B. Anthony.

GUTFELD: I had no idea.

TIMPF: That's the rule, okay. And yes, I'm if you're judging me, anyone, I'm totally joking. But if you're fun person, I am serious.

But then I started thinking, I don't know Susan B. Anthony, so maybe I don't know if she would like the sham or the bong or the sham bongs, so I just want it on the record that when I die, I want you to do sham bongs in my honor. And please hand them out at my funeral in lieu of the little prayer cards.

GUTFELD: Ah, you know, Tom, I'm happy she was being pardoned, but I still hate her coin. I hate her coin.

SHILLUE: It was a good coin, Greg.

GUTFELD: No, it wasn't.

SHILLUE: I loved the Susan B. Anthony coin but --

TIMPF: Don't say that in my presence.

SHILLUE: You know what the President should do. Trump should now pardon the Susan B. Anthony museum for the crime of having the worst Museum in America.

People in a museum should stop pretending they're the person. You remember the Anne Frank Museum of the United States. For two years, they sent out anti-Trump press releases, and the press dutifully printed them in the newspaper until we realized, wait a minute, the Anne Frank Museum is just a Democratic hack with a GoDaddy website.

GUTFELD: I had no idea. I remember that though. I remember that. All right, Tyrus, what do you think?

MURDOCH: Do I have to? Look, I enjoy the Susan B. Anthony coins because that's usually how I settle bets that I lose that I'm really bitter about. If I have a $400.00 bet, I will go get $400.00 of Susan B. Anthony's and a nice satchel, and I will fill it up and throw it out said winner. And say, there is your money. Dig that out.

So I've always associated Susan B. with being kind of like in a bad mood kind of in the picture that you keep showing us, it kind of shows the same. So I think in the spirit of her, I think that's probably why they refuse. See what I mean? She just looks mad. Just no smile, no smirk.

TIMPF: I'd be mad, too.

MURDOCH: You know what I am saying? Grandma is not playing. So I would imagine in the spirit of her, they refuse the first time and then if you maybe word it differently, if maybe President Trump starts saying things like, I will never pardon, Susan B. Anthony and then all of a sudden the media will jump. How dare you, sir.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

MURDOCH: How dare you. And then there will be petitions and then he'll go. Fine. You guys got me on that one. You win.

GUTFELD: Yes. Like Michael, if Obama had done this in 2010, it would have been, I think the museum would have like cried tears of joy.

LOFTUS: Absolutely. There'd be a parade in his honor. They would have repaved their little tiny teeny parking lot in gold. I agree with Tyrus.

I think Trump should give her a life sentence now. He should go to the electric chair for Susan B. Anthony, and all of her dollars -- all of her dollars are now worth 80 cents.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow. You what kills me about -- that coin -- it shows you how your frame of mind can change. Like when you have the coin, you want to unload it and if the person rejects it like at the store, you get really angry, right?

But then, when somebody tries to give it to you, you're the same way, you refuse it. So it's like it depends on what side you're on of that coin.

TIMPF: Not me. Not me. I love Susie B.

SHILLUE: You give it to parents, Greg. It's great for the tooth fairy.

LOFTUS: They all end up at Kat's house.

MURDOCH: I have the same problem with $2.00 bills.

TIMPF: I can vote even with a cervix now. It's crazy.

GUTFELD: It's great for the tooth fairy, that's what Tom says.

MURDOCH: No, the going rate of the tooth fairy is five bucks, guys.

GUTFELD: That's --

LOFTUS: Wow. It must be nice to be at your house.

MURDOCH: It is. It really is.

GUTFELD: More show, next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: Final thoughts. It's the last thought. That's why it's called the final thoughts. Okay.

GUTFELD: If you haven't bought my book yet, "The Plus," you buy it now because it fell off the bestseller list. You need to get it back on.

I have time for one final thought. I guess, Michael, you have a final thought.

LOFTUS: Yeah, I just want to apologize to America for all the "Star Wars" hate that was on this show. That's not who we are. We're better on this.

TIMPF: That's who I am. I'm not.

MURDOCH: Well said. Well said. Well said.

LOFTUS: Yes, George Lucas is back in charge of the "Star Wars" universe. He's going to turn it around.

GUTFELD: I don't know. Never a fan of Captain Kirk.

Thanks to Tom Shillue, Michael Loftus, Kat Timpf and Tyrus.

I'm Greg Gutfeld. Buy "The Plus." It'll change your life, and I love you, America.

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