This is a rush transcript from "Tucker Carlson Tonight," November 28, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
TUCKER CARLSON, HOST: Good evening, and welcome to a special Final Exam edition of "Tucker Carlson Tonight." Over the past couple of months, Jesse Watters has distinguished himself as a Final Exam legend. We're not overstating that. He beat Susan Lee, Emily Compagno, Kennedy, Benjamin Hall, Dr. Mark Siegel, even Lisa Boothe. Tonight, we open with a look at some of Jesse Watters' best moments. Watch.
CARLSON: First question is multiple choice. Wait for all options, please, before answering. It's -- this is a tricky one. The president just met with the president of Poland at the White House. The two signed a new defense agreement. What is the name of Poland's leader; is it A, Novak; B, Petrov; Or C, Duda.
JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS: It is --
CARLSON: Jesse Watters.
WATTERS: -- C, Duda.
CARLSON: As in zippity.
WATTERS: Zippity Duda, ha-ha-ha ha.
CARLSON: If that's your guess, we'll see if it's right. Is it Duda?
MALE SPEAKER: Critics complain President Duda has been backsliding on democracy. President Trump said he has no concerns about the strength of democracy in Poland. But the leaders did part ways on Duda forcing more than two dozen Supreme Court justices into early retirement.
WATTERS: Perfect. Zippity Duda.
CARLSON: President Duda. President Trump was embroiled in a fake controversy during his visit with Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe a couple of years back. The media attacked Trump for dumping a whole box of food into what kind of animal enclosure.
WATTERS: That would be a koi pond.
CARLSON: Jesse again.
WATTERS: -- Tucker. A koi pond.
CARLSON: A koi pond. Don't -- don't be coy with me, Jesse. Was it a koi pond?
WATTERS: With a K, yes.
MALE SPEAKER: Oh. Mr. Trump – [ [talking simultaneously]
MALE SPEAKER: -- carp in a koi pond where he was tossing spoonfuls of fish food before emptying the entire box.
CARLSON: So how do you know -- I mean, just get -- before you --
MALE SPEAKER: That is not how you feed fish.
CARLSON: -- [unintelligible] how do you know all of this?
WATTERS: I knew that because CNN deceptively edited that video, and that was one of those fake news items that we like to talk about.
CARLSON: Ah. Good memory.
WATTERS: Thank you.
CARLSON: There was a parade in New York City this week for the U.S. women's soccer team. It was interrupted by a presidential candidate trying to steal the spotlight for himself, greedily. He even led the crowd in an awkward chant. Which presidential candidate did this at the parade?
MALE SPEAKER: Hey, my buzzer.
WATTERS: It's got to be --
CARLSON: Jesse Watters.
WATTERS: -- Mayor Bill de Blasio.
CARLSON: I always forget he's a presidential candidate --
WATTERS: Yes. Doesn't everybody else?
CARLSON: -- in addition to being, of course, your mayor. Was it Bill de Blasio the nation's worst mayor?
MALE SPEAKER: Yes.
BILL DE BLASIO: I want to hear one more deafening roar --
BILL DE BLASIO: -- because of what they stand for. Let me hear you say it, "USA, equal pay. USA, equal pay. USA, equal pay."
MALE SPEAKER: All right.
CARLSON: Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the House, has given Mitch McConnell, Senate majority leader, a new nickname. It sounds unflattering, but apparently, McConnell loves it so much he put it on T-shirts. What is the new nickname? Jesse.
WATTERS: I think it's the grim reaper.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh.
CARLSON: The grim reaper. Is it the grim reaper? That would be hilarious.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Speaker Pelosi has a new nickname for Senate majority leader, well, Mitch McConnell, the grim reaper.
MALE SPEAKER: She's got it right. She's got it absolutely right. I -- for the first time in my memory, I agree with Nancy Pelosi. I am indeed the grim reaper.
WATTERS: He likes it.
CARLSON: Amazing. There are over 20 Democrats running for president. They're finding all kinds of ways to get people's attention. Which candidate just released a political ad in which he changed a baby's diaper?
WATTERS: Eric Swalwell.
CARLSON: That's too embarrassing even for actual -- I don't believe you, Jesse Watters. Let's see if it's true.
MALE SPEAKER: Eric Swalwell is also struggling --
FEMALE SPEAKER: Ooh.
MALE SPEAKER: -- to make the debate stage so now he's bringing in his infant to help.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Wow.
CARLSON: Yeah, that's not -- it's not actually good -- by the way, good job. It's not true that just because you can change a diaper you can run a government. I -- I happen to know. In their match against Thailand this week, the American women's soccer team won the most lopsided game in the history of the World Cup. What was the final score?
FEMALE SPEAKER: No.
CARLSON: Jesse Watters.
FEMALE SPEAKER: I knew that.
CARLSON: Is that correct? Was it really 13-0?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Yes.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Tonight, the U.S. women's soccer team is on defense after that historic World Cup win against Thailand 13-0.
CARLSON: Quite on par with the legendary Shannon Bream, though close. Later tonight, we'll show you who put an end to his running streak. But up next, a very special edition of Final Exam in which we pit a married couple against one another in a quiz about food. Diabolical.
CARLSON: Welcome back to our Final Exam special. Congressman Sean Duffy and his wife, Fox contributor, Rachel Campos-Duffy, are one of Washington's most recognizable couples. They've got eight children together. But then we decided to bring them on for a special food themed edition of Final Exam. We hope their marriage is able to survive what happened next.
SEAN DUFFY: Is there any way I win this, Tucker? I mean, I think I --
CARLSON: No, there's literally no chance.
And by the way, winning doesn't actually get you a victory.
That's another show entirely.
REP. SEAN DUFFY, R-WIS.: Okay.
CARLSON: So, according to the rules laid out by the National Game Show Commission, all of today's questions must be either about food or animals. We went with food. So, the first question -- this is multiple choice. Please listen carefully.
President Trump says he doesn't care what law makers call the border wall and ordered a food -- offered a food related suggestion. Which name did he suggest? Was it, A, quarter pounder with cheese, B, pancakes, C, peaches?
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: [unintelligible]
CARLSON: I think it goes, by definition, to your husband. I'm sorry. The judges have weighed in on this.
SEAN DUFFY: I'm going to go with C, peaches.
CARLSON: You're going to go with C. Is it peaches?
Donald Trump: Whatever you want to call it's okay with me. They can name it whatever. They can name it peaches. I don't care what they name it. But we need money. Peaches.
SEAN DUFFY: Peaches.
CARLSON: Peaches. You both you knew that.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: I did and I thought the question was over. My mistake.
CARLSON: You knew it too well, I think that's what it was.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: I did.
SEAN DUFFY: So, she has to wait for -- we -- all multiple choice have to be --
[talking simultaneously ]
CARLSON: You have to wait until we finished asking the question, okay?
SEAN DUFFY: Okay.
CARLSON: We can do it this time, I know.
Costco, the store, says it is sold out of a 27 tub of food that has a shelf life of 20 years. What type of food was it?
SEAN DUFFY: Ah, that was not -- that's not --
SEAN DUFFY: I hit it first.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: It was macaroni and cheese.
CARLSON: Macaroni -- I think you have to hold it down.
SEAN DUFFY: Oh, okay. I hit it first, for sure.
CARLSON: It was macaroni and cheese. Is it macaroni and cheese?
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: [audio clip] Everybody loves macaroni and cheese.
CARLSON: How'd she know that?
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: [audio clip] But now you can get 27 pounds of it --
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: That's my voice, that's how I knew it.
SEAN DUFFY: That's not fair.
CARLSON: You obviously need to invest in that.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: Yes. [laughs]
CARLSON: Because that seems like a pretty good deal. I'm getting one myself.
SEAN DUFFY: I'm kind of a prepper, so I was like, I'll do it.
CARLSON: Remember, your official position on prepping is, “Oh, that's crazy.”
CARLSON: Question three. Another multiple choice, okay?
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: Okay.
CARLSON: A world record was set this week for the most liked Instagram photo ever. The picture doesn't feature a famous person or an exotic place. It has already nearly 50 million likes. It's a plain, boring, photograph of what? A, a banana, B, a lemon, C, an egg.
SEAN DUFFY: I'm going to go with Kylie Jenner, I believe, and C, an egg. Didn't she tweet the egg out?
CARLSON: I have no idea.
SEAN DUFFY: Let's check it out.
CARLSON: But I'm not a member of Congress. Is it C, the egg?
MALE SPEAKER: “World Record Egg.” An account with that very name posted this single photo. It's a picture of an egg. The egg currently has 26 million likes and counting.
SEAN DUFFY: How did that--
CARLSON: You know, you live in this country your whole life and you still don't understand it. What is that?
SEAN DUFFY: There must be, like, an egg commission that promotes eggs.
And they're getting a bonus. They're getting a bonus on this one.
CARLSON: The poultry lobby is behind it.
CARLSON: Question four. One last multiple choice.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: Okay.
CARLSON: It's chaos.
SEAN DUFFY: I'm winning, though, right? It's two to one.
CARLSON: I'm not going to -- it's not for me to keep score. Our viewers are watching.
Chaos hit Flagstaff, Arizona on Monday when a tanker truck flipped over spilling 3,500 gallons of which liquid all over the highway. Was it, A, chocolate, B, coffee, C, beer.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: Beer. C.
CARLSON: Was it C --
SEAN DUFFY: I don't know.
CARLSON: -- beer?
SEAN DUFFY: I don't know.
MALE SPEAKER: 3,500 gallons, that's how much liquid chocolate spilled in an Arizona --
-- interstate. A chocolate river, they described it forming after a tanker --
SEAN DUFFY: I thought it was weird, too.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: I just took a guess. [laughs]
CARLSON: You don't [inaudible]
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: I was losing and I figured beer. Why would chocolate be on a truck?
CARLSON: You know what, you doubled down and I -- you know, I admire that.
SEAN DUFFY: She's from Wisconsin, so of course she said beer.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: I love beer. [laughs]
CARLSON: Of course, she said beer. Cheese not being liquid.
SEAN DUFFY: Right.
CARLSON: All right, final question. The Clemson Tigers invited to the White House for a candlelit feast to celebrate their recent victory over Alabama. What type of food did the president serve the team?
SEAN DUFFY: I was there this morning -- McDonald's. From the McDonald's that the food came from, I was there this morning.
CARLSON: Was it McDonald's?
Donald Trump: We have pizzas, we have 300 hamburgers, many, many French fries. All of our favorite foods. I want to see what's here when we leave. Because I don't think it's going to be much.
SEAN DUFFY: And Carlos owns the store.
CARLSON: And it wasn't -- I just want to say, it wasn't exclusively, we're hearing from our judges --
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: It's fast --
CARLSON: -- McDonald's. But, McDonald's was represented.
SEAN DUFFY: Oh.
CARLSON: So, in our -- and you're right. You still win, because McDonald's -- it was McDonald's, Wendy's, and what was the last one?
SEAN DUFFY: Okay.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: I was going to say fast food.
CARLSON: Burger King. So, it was an ecumenical --
SEAN DUFFY: Carlos owns the McDonald's; they gave the food to the White House --
CARLSON: So impressive. Congressman -- well --
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: He's had -- like, there's been a shut down. He's had a lot of time.
CARLSON: Exactly, but I would also say --
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: I've been home with the kids.
CARLSON: It's a shared victory. It's really a victory for your family. We're pro-family on this show. So, I'm going to reward, in fact, our Erik Wemple commemorative mug to you, Rachel.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: Thank you, Tucker. I'm truly honored.
CARLSON: That was great. Congratulations to you both.
SEAN DUFFY: Can I tell you -- I went and watched the episode that you had with him on, it's great. YouTube it.
CARLSON: It really -- when I'm feeling sad, sometimes I pull it up and it just kind of lifts me a little.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: Or, if you're on a shut down --
CARLSON: Exactly, that's right.
RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY: -- pull up a YouTube video.
CARLSON: The National Game Show Commission, located in lovely downtown Billings, Montana, has demanded a roundup of our best animal related Final Exam questions, and of course we had to oblige. That's next, as our special continues.
CARLSON: Welcome back to our Final Exam special. Mark Steyn, you know if you watch this show, probably our favorite guest here on the program. He's also an excellent guest host and a brilliant writer. But how did he perform when put to the test on final exam? He competed against Pete Hegseth to answer questions about everything from record-setting jeopardy contestants to exotic birds blocking runways. Here's what happened.
CARLSON: Question one is a multiple choice. You have to wait to hear the options. Here it is: Scientists have moved beyond creating useful robots. They're now building machines that do completely useless things. A robot unveiled in -- no surprise -- Japan has been trained to do something related to sports. Is it A, hit a half-court shot; B, ice skate; or C, throw a curve ball?
PETE HEGSETH, FOX NEWS: Oh, I thought I had it.
CARLSON: Mark Steyn.
MARK STEYN: [unintelligible] ice skate.
CARLSON: Is it ice skate? Has the robot been trained to ice skate?
MALE SPEAKER: Two, three.
MALE SPEAKER: Oh, no.
MALE SPEAKER: You know, whether you're Canadian biased. [Laughter]
MALE SPEAKER: It's not curling.
MALE SPEAKER: Nope.
MARK STEYN: That is the old James Name Smith [spelled phonetically].
CARLSON: It's the old -- the traditional Japanese sport of basketball. Well, question two, this one another multiple choice. This week on the other celebrity quiz show, Jeopardy, a contestant set a record for the most money won on a single episode. How much did he win? Was it A, $90,000; B, $100,000, or C, 110 grand?
PETE HEGSETH: I have a faulty buzzer.
CARLSON: Pete Hegseth –
PETE HEGSETH: I'll take it.
CARLSON: -- we're going to give it to you.
PETE HEGSETH: Oh, I've got to press a -- oh. I'm being dainty here. I'm going to go with C, 110,000 bucks.
CARLSON: 110,000. Is Pete Hegseth correct?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Congratulations are in order to a Jeopardy contestant who won a record amount of money on yesterday's show. Watch.
ALEX TREBEK: And a new one-day record, 110,000 --
FEMALE SPEAKER: He wins another $400,000. He can bribe his kids into USC.
MALE SPEAKER: Oh.
MALE SPEAKER: That's true.
MALE SPEAKER: Good lie. That's true.
MALE SPEAKER: Power of a good guess.
CARLSON: All right. You've been watching game shows to practice. Smart. Okay, yet another multiple choice question.
MALE SPEAKER: Oh.
CARLSON: This is about a plane in Spain that could not take off in the rain, also something -- it's like dog roll. Passengers were stuck on the tarmac because a bird was strutting down the runway. What type of bird was it? Was it, A, a pigeon; B, a crane; or C, a flamingo? Mark Steyn.
MARK STEYN: I've got to go with a crane in Spain.
CARLSON: Woof! Was it a crane in Spain next to the plane?
MALE SPEAKER: I don't think they have cranes.
MALE SPEAKER: Despite honking horns and impatient pilots, it took its sweet time strutting down the tarmac. Airport crew tried to scare it off. And at one point, it did fly away, but then it flew back in a matter of seconds. Flamingo finally left –
MALE SPEAKER: -- from the wildlife, including the [unintelligible].
MALE SPEAKER: [unintelligible] by the animal.
CARLSON: Flamingo. This goes to my theory there's an inverse relationship between IQ and performance on this show.
MARK STEYN: I was thinking too laterally. I didn't -- I should have gone with flamingo.
MALE SPEAKER: Okay. The old bun got you.
MARK STEYN: I thought I [unintelligible].
CARLSON: But it was good. It was -- it was worth losing. All right. This is our -- today's daily double. It's a two-point question per our judges. Question four: Some fans of Bernie Sanders are angry at him this week because he confessed to something they considered controversial. What did he confess to?
PETE HEGSETH: Being --
CARLSON: Pete Hegseth.
PETE HEGSETH: -- a million -- being a millionaire.
CARLSON: Being a millionaire.
PETE HEGSETH: Yes.
CARLSON: Is that -- is that right?
MALE SPEAKER: Senator Bernie Sanders says he is a millionaire. The Vermont senator has denounced millionaires for years.
Bernie Sanders: I wrote two books in recent years. One of them was a best seller on the New York Times best-seller list, translated to five or six languages --
MALE SPEAKER: What?
Bernie Sanders: It did very well. I made money on that book.
MALE SPEAKER: Capitalism, great for him.
MALE SPEAKER: [unintelligible].
CARLSON: Great for him. Did he put his pinkie to his mouth when he said, "Millionaire?"
MARK STEYN: Yeah. Yeah, what languages did Bernie's book get translated into? I cannot --
MALE SPEAKER: One language: Green, Mark. Green.
CARLSON: Estonian, that was it. All right, final question, also a multiple choice. Here we go. Astronomers have captured the first ever image of a black hole. Some say it looks like a doughnut, others say it looks like a dragon's eye. How far away is this from earth? Is it, A, 2 million light years away; B, 50 million light years away; or C, 100 million light years away? Mark Steyn.
MARK STEYN: I am going to go with 2 million light years away.
CARLSON: 2 million. Twice as far as Bernie is rich; is that correct?
MALE SPEAKER: [unintelligible] the most famous doughnut hole of all time. That first image of a black hole.
MALE SPEAKER: I never believed that this black hole was as big as people said until we saw that.
MALE SPEAKER: Ebb 87 is over 50 million light years away.
MARK STEYN: Oh, [unintelligible].
CARLSON: You took the risk.
MARK STEYN: No, well, they -- the black hole of my career after this performance is actually --
CARLSON: You didn't only lose, Mark Steyn, you lost spectacularly, floridly. You're en fuego in your loss. And congratulations to you for doing so so memorably. Pete Hegseth.
PETE HEGSETH: I --
CARLSON: You win a coveted Wemple mug.
MARK STEYN: [unintelligible] put in an Eric Wemple mug from Jeff Bezos' website.
CARLSON: For Jeff Bezos's website, in the mail, may you treasure it, may you fill it with bourbon.
MARK STEYN: I don't mind losing to Lisa Boothe? I'm going to lose, and this man cried at Titanic.
Pete Hegesth: I do.
MARK STEYN: He's girlier than List Boothe.
PETE HEGSETH: Every time the Titanic plays, I cry.
It's so good. It's true.
CARLSON: It's going to be weeks before I can digest this segment. Thank you, gentleman, both of you.
MARK STEYN: Thanks, Tucker.
PETE HEGSETH: Thank you, Tucker.
CARLSON: We interrupt this program with a special request by the National Game Show Commission of Billings, Montana. Not even a request, really, a demand. They would like a selection of our best animal themed questioned on Final Exam. We would never think of defying the National Game Show Commission. So, we're going to go ahead and give them to you. Let you know that our animal questions are pretty great, actually. Here are our best ones.
CARLSON: By order of the National Game Show Commission, located in Billings, Montana, we must begin this quiz with an animal question. And it is this.
The most expensive bird ever sold at auction was purchased this week for an amazing $1.4 million. What kind of bird was it?
GILLIAN TURNER, FOX NEWS: How do you know that?
LAUREN BLANCHARD, FOX NEWS: It's Armando, the pigeon.
CARLSON: You know his name?
BLANCHARD: Yeah, it's Armando.
CARLSON: It's an Armando, the pigeon.
TURNER: One person knows that in this country and it is Lauren, sitting in this room right now. Let's see if she's right.
BLANCHARD: I didn't know pigeons -- did you know pigeons were actually, like, they're very expensive?
MALE SPEAKER: -- story, a European racing pigeon was recently sold for a world record $1.4 million. Before this story, I would have believed you if you said the world record price for a pigeon was $6.
TURNER: You know, I'm kicking myself, because I did scroll -- I passed that story on Twitter.
CARLSON: You know, it's funny, it's not the -- I have the answers on my cards, and Armando's not even on here. So, in fact, I didn't mention him either, so we're just going to assume.
CARLSON: Amazing. A central Pennsylvania man is getting global attention thanks to his strange attachment to an animal. That emotional support animal weighs 60 pounds, is five feet long, and is called Wally. What kind of animal is this?
BLANCHARD: It's an emotional support alligator.
CARLSON: You don't believe it?
LAWRENCE JONES: What?
CARLSON: Let's see it. I know, that's my reaction, Lawrence Jones. “What?”
BLANCHARD: My friend got to meet it.
CARLSON: Is it an alligator?
MALE SPEAKER: Wally is my emotional support alligator for my home use.
LAWRENCE JONES: Oh my God.
MALE SPEAKER: But we are invited everywhere. I do take him to Lowe's and Home Depot, and he's usually always welcome there.
LAWRENCE JONES: This is getting out of hand.
CARLSON: I love how you phrase that. “It's my support alligator for my home use.”
Norwegian fishermen believe they have discovered an actual Russian spy in their waters. This time, it's an animal, though, with a recording device attached to it's body. What kind of animal is it?
TURNER: A whale.
CARLSON: A whale? A whale. A whale can't be a spy.
TURNER: It's -- I'm telling you, it's a whale.
CARLSON: Is it some kind of whale?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Fishermen discovering a beluga whale wearing a Russian made harness. On it were written the words, “equipment St. Petersburg,” fueling all kinds of speculation about spying. One newspaper reporting --
CARLSON: So, you're saying that even the whales are now spying for the Russians?
TURNER: I'm sorry, did you say you wanted to concede now?
CARLSON: A popular video on the internet shows a farm animal in Ireland singing like a human. What kind of animal was it? A, a goat, B, a chicken, C, a donkey.
Ed Henry: C, a donkey.
CARLSON: [whistles] That's one of those questions you either know it or you don't. Does he know it?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Finally, we have a musical donkey. Yes, you heard it right here, folks.
FEMALE SPEAKER: How did you know that?
Ed Henry: I saw this. I was home.
Ed Henry: I was off on Monday and Tuesday.
CARLSON: It turns out that was your strength. You said it was your weakness.
Ed Henry: I have another idea too, but I'm not going to tell you.
CARLSON: Frontier Airlines, the airline of the west, kicked off an Orlando woman from one of its flights this week after she boarded the plan with a prohibited animal. This is multiple choice. What kind of animal was it? Was it, A, a python --
FEMALE SPEAKER: No, no.
CARLSON: Kristin Fisher.
Kristin loses a point that goes to Bret.
Kristin Fisher: Just like that?
Bret Baier: Oh, dear. I could get the right answer, so I get another point?
CARLSON: You tie it up, in which case, we need a tie breaker.
Kristin Fisher: -- horribly unfair.
Bret Baier: That's right.
CARLSON: They're unfair, but those are the rules. It's like the electoral college. It's in the constitution, Kristin Fisher. We can't change it. Okay.
Bret Baier: Here it is.
CARLSON: So, Brett. Did she refuse to fly without A, a python, B, a squirrel, or C, a raccoon.
Bret Baier: A squirrel.
CARLSON: Was it B, a squirrel?
FEMALE SPEAKER: A woman was kicked off a flight after bringing an emotional support squirrel onto the plane. Frontier Airlines only allows dogs or cats.
CARLSON: I said, it's multiple choice and you knew the answer--
[7 Amy] CARLSON: I said, it's multiple choice and you knew the answer and you got so excited.
The craziest video of this week shows an angry animal chasing a group of snowboarder down a mountain in Colorado. What kind of animal was it? Was it A, a mouse, B, a mountain lion, C, a black bear.
SEAN DUFFY: It would be mouse, Tucker.
CARLSON: A mouse?
SEAN DUFFY: Yes.
CARLSON: I would have guessed mountain lion.
SEAN DUFFY: Mouse.
CARLSON: Is it a mouse?
FEMALE SPEAKER: A mouse is on the loose and charges at skiers and snowboarders. Look at this video. Wild video showing the giant animal chasing the group in Aspen, Colorado. They say it followed them for half a mile.
CARLSON: Question: police in Houston, Texas received an unusual call this week from a man they thought was hallucinating. The man called to tell them he had entered an abandoned home to smoke marijuana and found what kind of wild jungle cat inside the house?
Lauren Blanchard: It was a caged tiger.
CARLSON: Come on, now.
Lauren Blanchard: It was.
CARLSON: Was it a tiger?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Two Houston men snuck into an abandoned house to smoke some reefer and they wound up seeing a tiger inside. Luckily for them, they got out of there before the crouching tiger caught a contact high from their hidden bong and got the munchies.
CARLSON: You even knew it was caged.
If you're in New York City, researchers are about to begin work on a new census. This time they are not counting people, however. They're focusing on a small furry creature in Central Park. What kind of animal is it?
FEMALE SPEAKER: No, are they counting? I was waiting.
MALE SPEAKER: She's reading a teleprompter.
FEMALE SPEAKER: You've got to read the script.
MALE SPEAKER: She's reading the teleprompter.
CARLSON: You know you're not allowed to read the teleprompter.
CARLSON: Wait a second. I'm going back to something I said earlier, which is, when you have cable news anchors on your show --
FEMALE SPEAKER: Wait a minute, he did finish the question.
CARLSON: -- things fall apart.
CARLSON: Okay, let me just check with the judges really quick.
FEMALE SPEAKER: No, you didn't. Huh?
CARLSON: The judges say the host of the program is allowed to ab-lib on his own script, so I think that's --
MALE SPEAKER: She's reading it.
CARLSON: What is the answer?
MALE SPEAKER: I'm going to say squirrels.
FEMALE SPEAKER: It is squirrels.
CARLSON: It is squirrels. You know it, but you answered it -- why would it not be rats? Is it squirrels?
FEMALE SPEAKER: New York City is about to conduct its first official squirrel census next week. Volunteers are needed.
CARLSON: This is literally the most contentious show we've ever had.
MALE SPEAKER: Yeah. But I won.
CARLSON: So, what happens when two of the very smartest people at Fox HQ in New York City face off with questions about the most hated Mayor in the United States? It's Kennedy versus Janice Dean on our Final Exam special, next.
CARLSON: Got an awful lot of sharp people here at Fox News as you know. And sometimes we can get them to match witnesses on Final Exam. On one recent show we brought together two of the top mines at our Fox News New York headquarters. Fox Business host Kennedy and Fox meteorologist Janice Dean. Talks included the demise of Grumpy Cat and a great white shark headed straight for New York City. Here's what happened next.
CARLSON: Okay, question one. This is multiple choice. Grumpy Cat, who was exactly what it sounds like, frowny-faced feline, had her own Lifetime movie, died at the age of seven. At one point, she was reputed to be worth a hundred million dollars. Not clear how that works, but that's what they said. What was Grumpy Cat's real name? Was it, A, Gizmo; B, Tartar Sauce; C, Cabbage Patch?
FEMALE SPEAKER: I have no idea.
FEMALE SPEAKER: I'm not risking it.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Me neither. Has this ever happened --
CARLSON: Not risking it.
FEMALE SPEAKER: -- where no one answers?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Nope, not going to lose a point.
CARLSON: You know, it's never happened before.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Yeah.
CARLSON: But we're going to just -- we're going to --
FEMALE SPEAKER: What do we do?
CARLSON: I was listening for the judge's instructions.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Do we dance?
CARLSON: We're going to give you --
FEMALE SPEAKER: Think I'm going to dance now. Oh!
CARLSON: We're going to give you one hint, 'kay? And the first one to buzz in. Here's the hint. It's like a condiment.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh!
Kennedy: Tartar Sauce.
Janice Dean: Yeah. Wow.
CARLSON: You're not going to go with Gizmo? Okay. Tartar Sauce.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Ah, the hint.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Heaven got a little grumpy yes, sir. Tartar Sauce, known globally as Grumpy Cat, passed away this week peacefully in the arms of her Mommy. At one point, it was estimated the famous feline was worth a hundred million dollars.
FEMALE SPEAKER: More than we are [unintelligible].
FEMALE SPEAKER: [unintelligible] very good.
CARLSON: Apparent -- according to our judges, we can't let a question go unanswered.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Okay. Well, this is a first, Tucker.
CARLSON: I'm not quite sure why.
FEMALE SPEAKER: I mean, this is the exciting if this is a first.
CARLSON: These are the rules. I don't know.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Girls rule, boys drool.
CARLSON: I don't make the rules. I just -- I carry them out. All right, question two. According to a new poll from Quinnipiac, Joe Biden is the most liked Democrat in the presidential field. The most disliked candidate has an unfavorable rating of 45 percent. Who is that?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Ugh!
Kennedy: Bill de Blasio.
CARLSON: Bill -- you're just saying that because you live in New York. Is it Bill de Blasio?
Janice Dean: I bet you it is.
MALE SPEAKER: Mayor Bill de Blasio, he's finally ahead in one category. He is the winner in the most disliked candidate running for president. According to the Quinnipiac poll, 45 percent dislike Bill de Blasio.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Who is now in heaven with Tartar Sauce, the ground hog.
FEMALE SPEAKER: That's true. Grumpy the Cat and Tartar Sauce.
CARLSON: He's in heaven with Tartar Sauce.
FEMALE SPEAKER: The ground hog, remember Staten Island [unintelligible].
CARLSON: I get -- I get that joke. We played that video the other night. It's too good.
FEMALE SPEAKER: It's fun.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Ooh.
CARLSON: All right, question three. Question three is our daily double. It's a two-point question, and it's also multiple choice.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Ooh.
CARLSON: Here we go. In an interview this week, Democratic candidate Kamala Harris said her ideal running mate in 2020 would be which historical figure? Was it A, Mahatma Ghandi; B, Susan B. Anthony, or C, Cashious Clay, aka Mohammad Ali?
FEMALE SPEAKER: I don't know.
Kennedy: I -- you know, I could be throwing all this away because this would be my idea. I would say Cassius Clay. Mama call it Clay, I call him Clay.
CARLSON: Is it Mohammad Ali?
MALE SPEAKER: If you could have anyone living or dead as your perfect running mate, who would it be?
Kamala Harris: Oh, Mohammad Ali.
CARLSON: Mohammad Ali. Oh.
FEMALE SPEAKER: How do you like that?
FEMALE SPEAKER: I'm sorry, Tucker, she wiped the floor.
CARLSON: Sting like a bee, speaking of. All right. It's impressive --
Janice Dean: Kennedy!
CARLSON: -- but it's not too late.
Janice Dean: It's not too late?
CARLSON: Not too late, Janice Dean.
Janice Dean: All right. Can I -- can we do a dance off?
CARLSON: So loved -- universally beloved Janice Dean. All right, question four: Your days of being stuck in an LA traffic jam with nothing to do are over. There is now a fast food chain that will send a motorcycle courier through the gridlock and bring a burger right to your car. Which chain is it? Janice Dean.
Janice Dean: Burger King.
CARLSON: Burger King. Not In-n-Out, but burger -- is it Burger King?
FEMALE SPEAKER: I wish it was In-n-Out.
FEMALE SPEAKER: It's a real problem. It is a real thing. And yes, Burger King wants to solve this problem.
Kennedy: Oh, my gosh!
FEMALE SPEAKER: Once you place your order, you'll get updates. And then through a motorcycle courier, your burger, your whatever else you want to order from Burger King, that will be delivered to you.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Aha!
FEMALE SPEAKER: But are you that hungry in traffic that you need to eat inside your car?
FEMALE SPEAKER: On the 405, 4:00 on a Friday, yeah.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh, my gosh, I'm still standing.
CARLSON: Okay. So this last question -- I'm just hearing this now from my judges. And as you know, this is the way the game works, they make up rules as we go along.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Amazing.
CARLSON: No rhyme and no reason, but we must --
FEMALE SPEAKER: I'm all for it as a libertarian.
CARLSON: -- obey.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Can we have a cocktail?
CARLSON: They're like the federal government that way, and they're telling me that this final question is a three-pointer. It's also a multiple choice, okay?
Kennedy: Okay. The pressure's on!
CARLSON: Here we go. Some people in the northeast are very excited because a 10-foot great white shark is heading their way. It was seen last year near Greenwich, Connecticut. It could be heading to Martha's Vineyard. The shark has been given a name.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh, no.
CARLSON: What is the name? Is it, A, Lydia; is it B, Charles; is it C, Cabot?
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh, no.
Kennedy: Tucker, we're going to need a bigger boat. It's C, Cabot.
Janice Dean: Oh, we're going to need a bigger -- I wonder if I audience gets that reference.
Kennedy: Who doesn't get that?
CARLSON: I'm just old enough to get it. So good.
Janice Dean: Dun-dun dun-dun dun-dun.
CARLSON: Is it -- is it -- that's very good. Is it Cabot?
FEMALE SPEAKER: This great white shark named Cabot has been --
Janice Dean: Oh, Kennedy.
FEMALE SPEAKER: -- detected in these waters here behind me on the Long Island Sound.
Janice Dean: You deserve it, man.
FEMALE SPEAKER: The great white was named by Nova Scotians after the explorer John Cabot. The shark seems to have made its way west since then.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Oh, my gosh. I elbowed you.
FEMALE SPEAKER: It's okay. It's all right.
FEMALE SPEAKER: I'm so sorry.
FEMALE SPEAKER: Injury on that Final Exam.
CARLSON: Cabot. Usually I could think white cheddar, but not great white shark. Kennedy, seven points. That's the highest point total in the history of Final Exam.
Janice Dean: Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
CARLSON: Janice Dean, this does not diminish in any way your goodness as a person or our profound and undying love for you. So thank you very much.
Janice Dean: Just -- had to love me --
Kennedy: By the way, this would have been a win-win. If Janice Dean had won this whole thing, I would have celebrated her greatness.
Janice Dean: It's the same. We're gonna --
CARLSON: Yeah, everyone would have. But --
FEMALE SPEAKER: We're celebrating.
CARLSON: But Cabot? That was -- that was good. So we have an Eric Wemple mug for you. It's on the way. Maybe you'll get a whole set of them.
Kennedy: Interoffice mail.
CARLSON: Thank you both.
Janice Dean: Can I come back, Tucker?
CARLSON: Interoffice mail. We'll send it.
Janice Dean: Can I come back?
Janice Dean: I love you.
CARLSON: Of course, you can come back. Are you -- we showed you how Jesse Watters effortlessly destroyed countless Final Exam challengers. But someone was finally able to beat him in one of the stormiest Final Exams of all time. Who was it? I'll show you once our special continues, next.
CARLSON: Welcome back to our Final Exam special. As you just saw earlier this hour, Jesse Waters looked unstoppable for much of the year. We looked everywhere to find someone capable of beating him. We needed a real hurricane of a contender, if you catch our drift. Someone who could blow Waters away. And then finally, we found him. Here it is.
CARLSON: This week's first contestant is the Chief Meteorologist here at Fox. Our friend, Rick Reichmuth. The question is, we've wondered this for years, how much does he know about things that are not the weather? We're about to find out as he takes on our defending champion. He is the co-host of The Five, the host of Water's World, graduate of Trinity College in Hartford Connecticut, Jesse Waters, ladies and gentleman. And he's on a winning streak right now. Dr. Segal, Kennedy, Lisa Boothe, Emily Compagno, Susan Lee, Benjamin Hall, all have been wiped out by Waters. Can Rick Reichmuth turn the tide?
WATTERS: Oh, nice analogies, I love that.
CARLSON: Are you ready, Rick?
Rick Reichmuth: Hopefully. Hopefully. Seven seems like too many for this guy.
CARLSON: You're very laid back. We'll see. Okay. I know you know the rules. I'm going to repeat them for the sake of our viewers. Hands on buzzers, I ask the questions, the first one to buzz in gets to answer the question. You must wait, critically, until I finish asking it before you answer. You can answer once I acknowledge you by saying your name. Every correct answer is worth a single point, each incorrect answer subtracts a point from your total. Best of five wins. Are you prepared?
WATTERS: Yes, we are.
Rick Reichmuth: Let's do it.
CARLSON: All right, here we go. Question one. Which Democratic Presidential candidate says he's willing to take on the President of the United States in a push-up contest?
Rick Reichmuth: Oh, my gosh. I know it, I know it.
WATTERS: That would be former Vice President Joe Biden.
CARLSON: Is Jesse Waters correct? Is it Joe Biden?
[MS] Joe Biden is here in Iowa saying that he might tell the President to drop and give him 10 if the President ever questions Joe Biden's mental or physical capabilities.
Rick Reichmuth: I was waiting for the multiple choice.
Joe Biden: Come on, Donald. Come on, man. How many push-ups do you want to do here?
CARLSON: In order words, Joe Biden is trying to prove he's not senile by challenging Trump to a push-up contest.
And I'm not weighing in on that. But, Jesse Waters, you knew the answer. Okay, it's one -zero. Question two. This one's multiple choice, so wait until all options are presented before answering.
Millions of people all over the world are now using the bizarre app that takes a photo of you and ages you by 50 years. What is the name of that app? Is it A, FaceApp, B, Long in the Tooth App, or C, No Spring Chicken App?
Rick Reichmuth: FaceApp.
Rick Reichmuth: I didn't fall for it.
CARLSON: That is Rick Reichmuth. You didn't fall for it?
Rick Reichmuth: No.
CARLSON: No, I haven't either. Is it FaceApp?
FEMALE SPEAKER: The internet sensation called FaceApp, taking over social media in just the last 24 hours. Celebs like Dwyane Wade and Lebron James, the Jonas Brothers, and Kevin Hart all posting their FaceApp pic. Want a preview of that you might look like in 50 years? Bingo. The recent popularity now making it the top trending app in the iTunes App Store.
CARLSON: Rick Reichmuth. Okay, one-one. Moving into question three, another multiple choice. An event online is calling for people to storm Area 51, the military base in Nevada, sometime called Nevada, so they find proof of alien life. The Air Force, which runs that base, is very concerned. It has told people not to come. How many people have signed up for the raid? Is it A, over 20,000 people, is it B, over 50,000, is it C, over one million people?
Rick Reichmuth: Over one million people.
CARLSON: You really think over one million people? Seems like a lot.
Rick Reichmuth: [affirmative]
CARLSON: Let's find out. Is it one million people?
FEMALE SPEAKER: The Air Force is warning people against storming the top secret military base. This after more than one million people pledged to meet up there to -- quote -- “see them aliens.”
WATTERS: I'm nervous.
CARLSON: Wow, this is amazing. Okay, this has not happened before.
WATTERS: Why is this amazing?
CARLSON: Because a lot of us thought Jesse Waters was unbeatable. But now I'm moving into question four. It's a two-point question.
CARLSON: And here it is. Which tech billionaire believes he's discovered a way to download the human brain by inserting a microchip inside your skull?
Rick Reichmuth: Elon Musk.
WATTERS: Oh, I knew that.
CARLSON: Is it Elon Musk?
WATTERS: I was going to guess that.
CARLSON: I love the name. Elon Musk.
FEMALE SPEAKER: So, he says, why not implant chips into your brain so it helps you cognitively function better, and this is to battle the artificial intelligence coming your way.
Rick Reichmuth: No, thank you.
CARLSON: Yeah, that's not creepy or anything.
WATTERS: Not at all.
CARLSON: Elon Musk sounds like he's in touch. Okay, this is crazy. Okay, final question. Also, two points. I mean, this is -- Jesse Waters. Okay. You ready?
CARLSON: The Game Show Commission in Billings, Montana would like us to end on an animal related multiple choice.
Rick Reichmuth: Okay.
CARLSON: And so, we are. Here it is. People in Chicago were mesmerized when an alligator was seen hanging out in a city park there. Authorities spent the better part of a week trying to catch the gator. The reptile became so popular, he received his own nickname. Was his nickname A, Alley the Alligator, B, Chance the Snapper, or C, Rock the Crock.
WATTERS: Oh, man, my buzzer.
Rick Reichmuth: Chance the Snapper?
CARLSON: Was it Chance the Snapper?
FEMALE SPEAKER: We're back now with the search for that alligator on the loose in a Chicago park. First spotted a week ago.
MALE SPEAKER: The gator's so popular, it even has a nickname: Chance the Snapper.
MALE SPEAKER: But the City is not taking any changes, bringing in an export from Florida to help find and catch the cold-blooded intruder.
FEMALE SPEAKER: -- have to walk around the whole park just so they can catch the alligator. They've been trying to catch him all week. This is just ridiculous.
WATTERS: I can't believe it.
CARLSON: Rick Reichmuth. Jesse Waters, you have been -- I never thought you were going to be dethroned, but it just happened. Congratulations, Rick Reichmuth.
WATTERS: I lost to the weatherman. Unbelievable.
Rick Reichmuth: What does that even mean?
CARLSON: Okay, so we are fresh out of our traditional Erik Wemple mugs, so we have a show polo shirt for you, Rick Reichmuth, which I'm -- after getting the weatherman umbrella from you, I'm happy to have this sent to you. You can get it on our website, www.tuckercarlson.com if you want one at home.
Rick Reichmuth: Thank you.
CARLSON: Wear it with pride, or without pants.
WATTERS: All right, I had a nice run.
CARLSON: Rick Reichmuth, Jesse Waters, great to see you both.
That's all for tonight's special Final Exam edition of Tucker Carlson tonight. Pay attention to the news every week. Tune in Thursdays to catch new editions of Final Exam to see if you can outperform our news pros here at Fox. Tune in every weeknight for the show that's the sworn enemy of lying, pomposity, smugness and group think.
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