This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 13, 2014. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Dana Perino, along with Kimberly Guilfoyle, Bob Beckel, who is paying attention now, Eric Bolling, and Greg Gutfeld.
It's 5 o'clock in New York. And this is "The Five."
A FOX News alert: Just a short while ago, President Obama gave his first remarks on the new book out tomorrow by former Defense Secretary Robert Gates. We're going to play that for you in just a moment.
But, first, Gates gave his first TV interviews on the controversial memoir today. One of the things he wrote about was the president's commitment to the Afghan war. He had a chance to elaborate on that.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ROBERT GATES, FORMER SECRETARY OF DEFENSE: It's one thing to tell the troops that you support them. It's another to work at making them believe that you believe as president that their sacrifice is worth it, that the cause is just. President Bush did that with the troops. When I was secretary, I did not see President Obama do that.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: And President Obama had a chance to respond to some of the comments in the book.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Secretary Gates did an outstanding job for me as secretary of defense. As he notes, he and I and the rest of my national security team came up with a strategy for Afghanistan that was the right strategy, and we are continuing to execute it.
And I think that what's important is that we got the policy right. Whenever you've got men and women that you're sending into harm's way, after having already made enormous investments of blood and treasure in another country, then part of your job as commander in chief is to sweat the details on it. War is never easy. And I think that all of us who have been involved in that process understand that.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: OK, he had a lot more to say and there's a lot more that's coming out of this book. We got a first glimpse last week, Kimberly, just little snippets that were released.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Sure.
PERINO: Now, the book will be on sale tomorrow, and both Gates and President Obama have been able to comment, amongst many other people. One of the things I wanted to ask is that Robert Gates for a long time has always been praised for being very blunt and very candid.
Do you think that people in official Washington mainstream media, even in the administration, still think that those two qualities are a virtue?
GUILFOYLE: I'm sure they find them greatly in disfavor at this particular moment, but I would add courageous to that, because it's not a place where people are likely to speak their mind and say something in a true way, with conviction and passion, and back it up and not say it once, but put it in a book and repeat it in interviews.
I think he's seen a marked difference between the administrations of Bush and Obama. And I think one of the reasons that we have seen such a large number of casualties in Afghanistan since President Obama has taken over is because of the rules of engagement. That who is getting executed now, are U.S. troops being put in harm's way by the tactics s employed by this administration.
PERINO: Let me ask you about that, Eric, because one of the thing President Obama said is the important thing is, is that they got the policy right. Do you think that actually the troops on the ground think that we're getting the policy right when Fallujah is in danger of returning to al Qaeda's hands?
ERIC BOLLING, CO-HOST: I'm not sure, and I think the revolutions in the book basically tell the troops on the ground they're not sure about the policy, but now, he's going to backtrack and say, we got the policy right.
Look, the sound bite we heard President Obama talking about the things we have learned from the book, he never refutes anything he heard. He simply says we did what we wanted to do. We executed the policy we thought was right and we will continue to do that. To his credit, he's standing firm on that.
But Gates points something out in the book, and I can't wait until we get more, we get, what, 60 pages or so out?
GUILFOYLE: Snippets.
BOLLING: Yes, another 500 pages or so.
Gates points something out, there's at least some question as to how confident and capable the president is in making decisions when it comes to war.
Now, Gates himself is a warrior. He's a soldier. He says, I answer the president. The president made the right calls. That's what a good soldier does.
He doesn't question authority above him, but he certainly does when he leaves and has a look back and say, you know, I'm writing my memoir. I have to let people know exactly what I felt. I think Gates did a nice job releasing all that information.
PERINO: On balanced, Bob, reading through, for example, the Steve Inskeep interview in NPR today, I think Secretary Gates goes out of his way to say that he does think President Obama made good decisions. He does question, however, the political involvement of the staff.
One of the key elements was a question about National Security Council staff actually going outside the chain of command and contacting combatant commanders on the ground. Unheard of, right?
BOB BECKEL, CO-HOST: Yes, it's unheard of. Yes, I could understand why Gates would be upset about that. I want to keep in mind, though, that he did say repeatedly, Obama made the right decisions and virtually every foreign policy decisions, national security, he said he made the right decisions.
Now, comparison to Bush, Bush is a warrior president. Obama, you cannot suggest that about him. He was against the Iraq war to begin with.
PERINO: President Bush didn't want to be a war president.
BECKEL: No, I understand that. But what I'm saying is that Obama may have had second thoughts about the decision, the rest of it, but he never did anything that -- and terms about terms of engagement, that came from the military. It did not come from President Obama. It's not President Obama --
GUILFOYLE: He's the commander in chief of the military.
BECKEL: It came out of the joint chiefs, and they wanted to do it that way at the request of the Afghani government. But, you know, you can't argue -- you can't lay that one at the feet of Obama.
GUILFOYLE: This is his presidency, though. He needs to own it and take responsibility for the decision.
BECKEL: Well, if the joint chiefs say the Afghanis want a change in how you engage, it's difficult to say we're going to do it differently. It's complicated.
PERINO: Let me get Greg in here. If I could play a sound bite because one of the things Gates talks about in the book is how he hates partisanship in Washington, D.C. And that he thinks part of the rollout of this book has actually been fairly partisan.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GATES: The book has sort of been hijacked by people along the political spectrum to serve their own purposes, taking quotes out of context. And it's sort of part of the political warfare in Washington that I decry in the book.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Do you think that he actually -- the book has been successful so far because of those tactics and about the partisanship. Why are you laughing?
(LAUGHTER)
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: It's hard not to say something.
PERINO: He has -- he's wearing a neck brace.
GUTFELD: He's a great man. He just looks like a golf ball being teed up. He's adorable, adorable, but I hope he gets better.
No, you know what? He's basically saying that the media is using the book to serve a purpose.
PERINO: Right.
GUTFELD: However, he sold you a box of firecrackers and now he's condemning you for setting them off.
PERINO: Right.
GUTFELD: The book is filled with these nuggets that were highlighted to be used in such a manner. And it's selling books, so he should be grateful and he should also understand that's how a book is used.
But again, I want to get back to what Bob said and I agree with. No one should be surprised by President Obama's behavior. We weren't electing Patton. Obama has more in common with Macaulay Culkin than McArthur.
What bothered me about one of the excerpts was --
GUILFOYLE: I like that.
GUTFELD: -- there was a certain kind of snotty defensiveness in the book about a perceived lack of trust by the military that Obama felt, that they don't trust him because of his inexperience. But what do you expect when you hang out with anti-western radicals all your life, operating under the assumption that the U.S. is this evil Goliath, don't expect troops to rally behind you when for years, for years you hung out with people who hated the troops?
PERINO: Well, let me get Kimberly on this, because to that very point, Gates addresses his criticisms of Vice President Biden, who Gates is saying that he kind of was feeding President Obama this line about the military boxing President Obama in.
Listen to this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GATES: Where I had particular problem with the vice president was in his encouragement of suspicion of the military, and the senior military with the president. You can't trust these guys, they're going to try and jam you. They're going to try and box you in and so on.
And that did disturb me a lot.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: What do you make of that, Kimberly? Because he also did say today in subsequent interviews when asked about the vice president and whether he thought he would make a good president, he said, on balance, I guess I would have to say yes.
GUILFOYLE: Well, he's a fair and balanced kind of guy. I mean, if you read the message, OK, the headline, you don't bury the lead, it's that he does not feel that he's fairly competent. He may say he's not a bad guy, but he's been wrong on nearly every single foreign policy issue. Is that who you want to elect? That's the message.
BECKEL: Let's keep in mind -- the other thing he was unequivocal about was that Hillary Clinton would make a good president. That's one thing that I think what's been lost in a lot of this. Number one, he got along with her very well.
Biden spent 35 years in the Congress, which has always had an adversarial relationship with the military.
PERINO: True.
BECKEL: And I'd like the fact that we've glossed over this, but Gates took Congress on in uncertain terms and he was exactly right.
The only thing I wish -- remember when he said he had the dream, he would like to say, screw it, I'm not going to take it from you guys anymore. I'm out of here.
I only wish he had done it, because he's right.
PERINO: It's kind of the job of the cabinet secretary to sit there and take the oversight of the Congress.
BECKEL: Yes.
PERINO: I want to ask Eric a question based on something you said Friday, which was a question of the timing of the book and, also, why did he say stow long as secretary of defense if he had these problems?
In the interview with Steve Inskeep on NPR this morning, he said, basically, he became so caught up emotionally with the troops and that every night, every single evening for four and a half years, he would write these letters to the families of the fallen, and he said he didn't tell anybody about it. That he kept it very private, and there wasn't a single evening in four and a half years when he did not weep.
Do you think that is a sign that we need to rethink any sort of troop decisions or strain on the troops or what we're asking our military to do, when you have somebody like Secretary Gates, who is not a stranger to adversity, but basically weeping every night over the war?
BOLLING: Not sure that we should change our strategy. I do think it shows a side of Gates that maybe people didn't realize. He's always been known as a straightforward kind of guy, a tough guy, you know, with tremendous resolve, and you hear things like this, which frankly I didn't know until you read that, that he was weeping, writing letters home to people's family, which I think most people would.
However, regarding what I said on Friday, questioning the timing, he did clarify that yesterday or today, when he said I felt it difficult to think that I was going to wait until 2017 to get the information out, you know, that he had. He didn't want to sit on it for another three years.
GUILFOYLE: Good for him.
BOLLING: It also highlights what I said earlier, he's a hero, he's a war -- he's a soldier. A soldier doesn't take down his commanding officer or all the way up, or all the way down the channel, when you're in battle. We're at war, still at war. He's admirable for that.
PERINO: Let me get Greg's last word. Do you think the timing is a concern for President Obama? And one of the questions that Matt Lauer asked Gates is, do you think that it's dangerous at this time to question a commander in chief?
GUTFELD: I don't know, because I'm always of the feeling that people hold on to material for a book when they should be letting it out sooner. If you feel the people are in danger, you should come out and say something and sacrifice the couple of million dollars you're going to make out of this book.
But more important, I think the book doesn't just really expose President Obama's innate beliefs about America and his anti-exceptionalism. It also exposes the media for its kind of intentional hibernation, that these are things in the last six years that should have been talked about that weren't because it made President Obama look bad. It's a book that is critical of Obama and of course the media will then implode towards Gates.
BECKEL: Can I say one thing before we get out of here?
PERINO: Sure.
BECKEL: Is this book, from part of it, I have read every excerpt I can get my hands on. From everything I can see, he is not overly critical of Obama. There are pieces you can pull out and they make for interesting discussion, interesting debate, but he's gone out of his way to say Obama made the right decision, and he believed he might not have had the same instincts about the military, but he certainly was a good commander in chief.
PERINO: But the publicity tactic for getting it out for a week worked.
BECKEL: That's what he said.
GUILFOYLE: I don't disagree, Bob. I'm just saying there's another aspect, another side to that, where he makes a comparison between Bush and Obama and said that Bush was genuine and believable when he was motivating troops and saying it's worth it, your sacrifice. That's important for a commander in chief. And that's where President Obama fell short on the sale.
GUTFELD: And there's that whole chapter that hasn't come out yet, where he says President Obama is Satanist. I was absolutely shocked by that. I was shocked by that.
PERINO: Just waiting for that to come out.
GUTFELD: I'm not sure if it's true. I don't know.
BECKEL: I'm not going to question, but you guys keep questioning me about those kids getting killed on the George Washington Bridge. I don't why you keep questioning that.
GUTFELD: The cult of Beckel.
PERINO: All right, the Gates book, a lot of controversy, but I also think there's a lot to chew on here. It's not necessarily about politics.
GUILFOYLE: It's a good read.
PERINO: Yes, and it seems well-written to me. What I have read so far, I like it.
GUTFELD: You can't read.
PERINO: Directly ahead, stunning allegations in another new book. This one claims that Hillary Clinton had a hit list for those who didn't back her after she lost the nomination in 2008. Greg has all the details and the names allegedly on it.
GUILFOYLE: You don't have anything.
GUTFELD: I have no details.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: That is hideous.
BECKEL: Greg, you're on here, buddy.
GUTFELD: Hey. All right, in a new essay, Hillary Clinton claims that America doesn't do enough for women. Translation, America doesn't do enough for Hillary. And you can fix that by electing her. It's a smart but predictable move.
In 2007, she was the most qualified Democrat for president, and she got tossed aside for a little known grad student with a resume thinner than Kate Moss's septum. So, why she was dumped like an aging first wife for a younger model with the accomplishments of a pervy?
Well, in a highly competitive world of identity politics, black trumps female. Voted for Obama became historical instead of hysterical.
So, Hillary realizes for her to win now, what was once about color must now be about chromosomes. A vote for her is a vote for all women. And even better, criticism of Hillary will now be viewed as sexist, the way criticism of Obama was seen as racist. But if she claims America doesn't help women, then what country does.
GUILFOYLE: Right.
GUTFELD: My guess is she's less interested in injustices against women worldwide, than injustices against her here.
Hence, the hit list. They're flocks (ph) made of fowls who dumped her for Obama. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, which is why her husband better blow off some serious steam before 2016, because once you say first man, say adios to your favorite hobby.
GUILFOYLE: Oh my goodness.
GUTFELD: You know what I'm talking about.
BECKEL: Bob's trying not to laugh.
GUFFELD: You know what I'm talking about.
So, where do we start? Hillary has a hit list, Bob. Surprised?
BECKEL: No.
GUTFELD: He's Nixon in a pantsuit.
BECKEL: No, by the way, Gates probably that was from Axelrod, meeting him in an ally, the reason she got that collar on.
I don't think you could really fault Hillary for this thing on the women. I mean, that's her platform. That's what she's going to run on. That's been her main message from the time she was -- before she was secretary of state. So, I think the idea of highlighting it now is smart politics and the right thing to do.
GUTFELD: Eric, isn't it kind of ironic Hillary is speaking on women's rights since she let herself get humiliated on a national stage by a scandal? She refused to leave that man. That's some feminist.
BOLLING: That is interesting.
Honestly, Bob, the hit list. You hear about the hit list and say, wow, that's really, really sleazy politics.
BECKEL: I don't know if politicians doesn't --
BOLLING: OK, listen, I agree with you 100 percent. But the -- have we found out about it? I was thinking about it, I'm like, you know, that's such a typical Democrat. New Jersey governor had a hit list and he may have shut down a bridge -- to check one of the names -- may have shut down the bridge and chuck one name off that list, too.
Wow, you're right, though. It's sleazy politics and apparently, all politicians are just as sleazy as the next.
BECKEL: Well, I didn't say that's sleazy. But when you're in a campaign, particularly one as high profile as that --
BOLLING: It's over. She had already lost.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: These are people in the aftermath --
GUILFOYLE: This is awesome, I love it. She should be president because I want to help her compile an international list.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: No, I really want to talk about it.
GUTFELD: Ted Kennedy was on that list.
GUILFOYLE: I don't like that too much.
GUTFELD: What happened to him?
GUILFOYLE: Well, I don't -- I can't blame the Clintons.
GUTFELD: OK. But you have Claire McCaskill, Rob Andrews, Baron Hill Hill? Is that a typo?
GUILFOYLE: How about Bill Richardson? He should be on there.
GUTFELD: Jay Rockefeller. What do you make of this?
GUILFOYLE: I don't know. I think it could be better, actually. It's not that good of a hit list. I think there's other people she could be on there. I love it, the "Sevens".
Look, I think it's no surprise. She's a crafty politician. If you want to be president, you have to be able to play ball.
I'm not advocating hit lists, per se, but she has a stomach for politics, put it that way. No one can question this woman is soft. I was going to say that.
BOLLING: What's the "Sevens"?
GUTFELD: Because it's ranked from one to seven.
BOLLING: All right. The sevens are the bad?
GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Dana, I have a theory that because the Democratic Party are a history of first, is that what I'm saying, historical first -- Republicans should fight fire with fire and also nominate a powerful woman and go a step further, lesbian.
PERINO: How about and also like with a Martian? Do all the firsts.
GUTFELD: Let's be realistic, Dana. Somebody from middle Earth?
PERINO: Sure, we'll take anybody at this point.
GUTFELD: A hobbit?
PERINO: Republicans are desperate.
So what she was doing is she was trying -- we forget how hard fought that campaign was, the primary campaign between Clinton and Obama.
GUILFOYLE: Brutal.
PERINO: So she -- they've been helping politicians for decades. It comes time for them to turn around and help her, and she's finding out, oh, my gosh, they're not going to choose me and they're going to choose him. They get put on a list. Maybe they didn't have a list. Maybe they had it on some sort of text message gizmo.
GUTFELD: Right.
PERINO: But the Obama team had a similar thing going on because they were trying to figure out the numbers they needed in order to get the endorsement and the win.
BECKEL: I will guarantee you that she won the endorsement for everybody on that list.
GUTFELD: Bob, I've got to ask you before we go out, is part of the fun of seeing her elected is Bill Clinton becoming the very first gentleman, what that's going to be like, the tension and the hilarity?
BECKEL: You can't write it better than it is.
GUILFOYLE: "Saturday Night Live."
BECKEL: I mean, it's going to be just --
PERINO: He'll be traveling the world, going to funerals --
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.
PERINO: -- on behalf of the United States.
GUILFOYLE: Well, everybody knows, don't cross the Clintons. So, this hit list is seriously no joke. The people may live on it now just because it's been exposed. That's all I got to say.
GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Directly ahead, the man who says he personally injected Yankees slugger A-Rod with performance enhancing drugs speaks out in a new interview. And he wages some other very serious allegations against Rodriguez that you're going to want to hear about next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUILFOYLE: We can talk about A-Rod, or I can dance.
All right. Now, to the A-roid doping drama. This week in independent baseball, arbitrator reduced the Yankee slugger's suspension from 211 to 162 games. That means he'll miss the entire next season if his lawyers can't get a court ordered injunction. Now, on 60 minutes last night, we heard for the first time from the owner of the infamous clinic where Rodriguez alleged was administered performance enhancing drugs.
Here's Anthony Bosch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: What were the various banned substances that he was taking?
ANTHONY BOSCH: Testosterone, insulin growth factor one, human growth hormone, and some different forms of peptides.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: All of them banned?
BOSCH: All of them banned.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And he knew that?
BOSCH: Yes, he did.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: And the allegations didn't stop there. Bosch also spoke about why he turned to the MLB to cooperate on its investigation of A-Rod. He feared for his life.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Rodriguez's people told you to go to Colombia.
BOSCH: Colombia.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And they'd take care of you there.
BOSCH: And they'd take care of me there.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Bosch says he was suspicious and turned down the offer. Tony Bosch told us after he turned down the Colombia offer, things got sinister. He said his ex-girlfriend received a text message in Spanish saying Bosch would not live to see the end of the year.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOSCH: OK, that seems like some kind of evidence of something. I'm not sure what, exactly.
But -- so, do you buy it, Eric?
BOLLING: Well, I'm not questioning -- yes, maybe Bosch did probably supply A-Rod with performance enhancing drugs and maybe he did shoot him up, but I'm still trying to figure out why you suspend the guy for the whole year. I'm trying to figure out why you suspend him.
You know, in other news this week, the major league -- this weekend, Major League Baseball came out and said, guess what, we're kind of OK with medical marijuana. So, on one hand, they're OK with medical marijuana, but God forbid you use a performance enhancing drug and get caught, because they know probably 60 percent to 70 percent of athletes are using them. But the ones get caught get suspension.
GUILFOYLE: They make an example, too.
BOLLING: This is one of the superstars they hung their hat on for years. Now, they don't like him anymore. So, they're hanging him out to dry against the suspension.
GUILFOYLE: And perhaps trying to get out of that contract.
BOLLING: Well, the Yankees certainly are.
GUILFOYLE: Correct, that's what I'm saying.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: Have they been very supportive? Besides MLB, I'm saying the Yankees of their star player that they had such great stock in.
BECKEL: If they had medical marijuana and players used that, it would be the slowest game in history.
PERINO: That's one thing baseball needs to be is longer.
GUILFOYLE: Dana, you would enjoy it.
PERINO: Just watch one game in eight hours.
GUILFOYLE: Dana actually goes to batting practice before the doubleheaders to watch the game.
OK, Greg?
GUTFELD: Drugs are going to exist as long as they're incentive to use it. The incentive is to win. The hypocrisy of the sports writers condemning A-Rod is spectacular given that for decades, they've used an enhancement drug called booze, and now Adderall is the special sponsor of journalists everywhere. You can't -- if there are drugs that can make you do your job better, by God, you should be able to do those drugs.
Think about fighter pilots, which they have looked at, and the use of amphetamines. There are people who have died from fatigue while flying. These ideas should be open for discussion, and in every job that you do, if there is a drug that helps you do the damn drug, and no one should get in your way and stop you.
GUILFOYLE: My God, what can you take to help your performance?
GUTFELD: I drink so much coffee, I'm about to explode.
GUILFOYLE: We know about that, but that's other issues, gastrointestinal.
BECKEL: I challenge 60 percent to 70 percent of athletes doing them. There are very good baseball players who have been overwhelmed by A-Rod and his enhancement drugs.
I think the penalty was too little. I think this guy is a loud mouth. I think he is a thug, and he's losing $22 million and 162 games. Good. They're going to take it and challenge it in court. The court will throw it out.
BOLLING: That's why you're against performance enhancing drugs?
BECKEL: Because I think A, they're dangerous. B, they're not equitable for people who don't use them on the field.
BOLLING: But that's their choice. You can't make the case that marijuana should be legalized, your choice to use or not use, and then say -- well, those people can't use in professional sports.
BECKEL: You're talking about dangerous drugs in the hands of not 60 percent of these guys, but a few percentage of it. The ones we know about --
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: That's an assumption I'm not willing to make.
GUTFELD: It's not dangerous to the sport.
BOLLING: Also, I'm not willing to say it's any number. You're saying it less or fewer. I -- when you're making -- when you have an incentive to make $100 million in three years, you're going to probably going to find a way to make 100 million bucks.
GUILFOYLE: Real quick. I just want to get this in. This is A-Rod's lawyer, Joe Tacopina, he responded to "60 Minutes" piece, to be fair. He said, "Every Major League Baseball" player and every fan should not only be disgusted by tonight's Salem witch trial display and they should be troubled by what it portends for the future trampling of players' rights and the distraction and damage it will cause to the game."
Eric, fair statement?
BOLLING: No, what do you think of this? I mean, you weigh in.
GUILFOYLE: Well, I think they're making an example of him, that he's a scapegoat, and that one minute, he's the fan favorite. Next minute, they're tossing him out in the trash.
(CROSSTALK)
BECKEL: -- the arbitration agreement thrown out?
GUILFOYLE: I think it's possible.
GUTFELD: What's a scapegoat?
(LAUGHTER)
BECKEL: Scapegoat?
GUILFOYLE: OK, anyway --
BECKEL: It's a goat that escapes.
BOLLING: One example, Bob, let's use one of your examples. In the porn industry, if a male porn actor uses Viagra, does that enhance his performance?
BECKEL: You have to go there.
GUILFOYLE: You're asking Bob this question?
BOLLING: Is it not the same thing?
BECKEL: No!
GUILFOYLE: OK, Sorry.
Coming up --
(CROSSTALK)
GUTFELD: You're a chef and you're using spices to enhance your meal.
(CROSSTALK)
GUILFOYLE: The best of TV and movies at the Golden Globe Awards last night. There were surprising winners and losers and not to mention fashion hits and misses, too. We're going to recap our favorite moments from the globes when "The Five" returns. Eric is very excited.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
BOLLING: Somewhere between the end of the football games and the NFL and the beginning of the hot new cop drama, "Two Detectives", last night, I was able to catch the first hour of the Golden Globes. What I saw that hour was truly amazing, a bipolar experience of TV at its best and worst.
Take the opening monologue. An incredibly timed and delivered 12 minutes of purely entertaining TV. Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, were simply stated, the bomb.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TINA FEY, ACTRESS: "Gravity" is nominated for best film. It's a story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.
(APPLAUSE)
FEY: The beautiful Kerry Washington is here. She's expecting her first child later this year.
AMY POEHLER, ACTRESS: Oh, my God, is it President Fitz's?
FEY: Probably. I thought Amanda was carrying his baby.
POEHLER: Oh, Amanda.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Unfortunately for NBC, it went south from there.
Just minutes later, possibly the worst acceptance speech ever, K.G. I blew that one, too -- delivered by a rambling and sometimes confused Jacqueline Bisset.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JACQUELINE BISSET, ACTRESS: OK. OK. I'm sorry. I'm going to get this together. I want to thank the people who have given me joy, and there have been many. And the people who have given me (EXPLETIVE DELETED). I say, like my mother, what does she say? She used to say, go to hell and don't come back.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: That was incredible. K.G., your thoughts on the Golden Globes, on her, or your best moment?
GUILFOYLE: Liked the Golden Globes, loved Tina Fey and Amy, as well. And I particularly liked this moment with Amy Poehler and Bono.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: The Golden Globe goes to Amy Poehler, "Parks and Recreation."
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Everyone wants to win and kiss Bono, right? She's hilarious.
PERINO: You're a winner, you kiss Bob.
GUILFOYLE: Well, that's the thing -- when you're in the moment of freezing from hypothermia.
BOLLING: There was almost a moment where P. Diddy leaned over and Bono was up there, and they kind of went at it. It was very awkward. I don't know if anyone else --
GUILFOYLE: It was a near miss. That was my second choice.
BOLLING: Did you see that?
GUILFOYLE: They almost collided.
BOLLING: They went to kiss.
Anyway, let's move on. Bob, your thoughts on the Golden Globes?
BECKEL: Well, you know, I had it all set up to watch it tonight. I didn't realize it was last night.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, spoiler alert.
BECKEL: I had about as much interest in this stuff as I do with dog crap on the street that I step in.
GUILFOYLE: That's the smell?
BECKEL: As somewhat of an expert of being under the influence, Jackie was under the influence, no question about it.
GUILFOYLE: Of what?
BECKEL: Probably, I mean, I'd say alcohol, but you don't get up there and do something like that -- what is it about these people? Can they not just get up there and graciously accept something, say thank you for this thing? Yet, they have to go on and on and make fools of themselves?
I mean, I just don't get it. I will say when she was younger, she was a pin-up in my book.
BOLLING: All right. Dana, your thoughts? A moment, anything --
GUILFOYLE: I didn't watch it, because I watched the Broncos win and then I went to my room to read a novel that ended up irritating me to no end when I got to the end of it, but I liked watching the round-up today. I'm glad that some of these movies won.
(LAUGHTER)
PERINO: I like the dresses.
BOLLING: Which one?
PERINO: I saw them in "The New York Post" today.
GUILFOYLE: I thought Drew Barrymore looks very good.
PERINO: Cate Blanchett, her dress is beautiful, and Sandra Bullock.
GUILFOYLE: OK.
BOLLING: Greg, you had a moment?
GUTFELD: Yes, two things. One, there's this trend of men bringing their mothers as dates, which I find nice, but it's getting old. I long for the good old days when successful actors brought their beers (ph).
BOLLING: Nice, well done.
GUTFELD: Diane Keaton was part of a tribute to an absent Woody Allen who was busy sleeping with a candy striper. This is her, and then I have a comment.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DIANE KEATON, ACTRESS: Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other's gold.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right, so that was a tribute to Woody Allen. That was actually the Girl Scout anthem, so in a way, it was a fitting salute to the age group that Woody dates.
BOLLING: Nice.
GUILFOYLE: Glam.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Your joke about the beers, you're not saying DiCaprio who brought his mother --
GUTFELD: No, no, no.
(CROSSTALK)
BOLLING: Should have brought a beer? You're not saying that, right?
GUTFELD: No.
BECKEL: Didn't he win the award for best actor?
PERINO: Yes.
BECKEL: For "Wolf on Wall Street", right?
PERINO: Yes, he did. That's what I hear.
GUTFELD: Greatest poster ever, Jacqueline Bisset, the deep.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: She won for comedy, and Matthew McConaughey won for drama.
BOLLING: There you go. All right. Can we go?
GUILFOYLE: Fine.
BOLLING: All right. Coming up, the Winter Olympics are just three weeks away, and our resident Sochi expert, Bob Beckel, has an update on a big controversy rocking the games. Team USA, the Sochi skating scandal, next on "The Five".
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: It was less dangerous when I took drugs. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Sure, good idea. Get out of the way. You're going to get killed.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: That was me testing out the luge in a gold medal performance on the Road to Sochi event in Times Square a couple of months ago. The Winter Olympics are now just 25 days away. Greg can't wait. And already, there's a drama on ice.
Beginning women's -- reigning women's figure skating champion Ashley Wagner placed fourth at the U.S. championships this weekend.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Triple flip, triple toe, and again, she was a little slow on the triple Lutz.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Triple -- oh.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Disgrace.
BECKEL: Despite falling twice the free skate -- in the free skate, she qualified for team USA ahead of third-place finisher Mirai Nagasu. U.S. figure skating rules allow for a skater's resume during the past year to be considered. But is this fair?
According to some reports, always the top three finishers at the nationals get to be on the U.S. Olympic team.
Eric, do you think this is a little bit of P.R., because Wagner is very attractive and sort of fits into the profile of what you want to see from an American...
BOLLING: I hope it's not because she's attractive. I mean, I hope it's because they think that she can compete.
We're screwed. There are so many good skaters. My wife was watching that while I was watching football. And she kept going, "Oh, we fell. Oh, we fell."
I mean, the couples. Is it doubles or couples? Whatever. They were fantastic. But if we have individuals and that's the best we're going to show up. I mean, don't yell at me, guys. I know it sounds bad, but we're in trouble.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, but the problem is, it's a team of chokers.
BOLLING: And the Russians are...
GUILFOYLE: That's the problem. You've got to be able to handle the pressure. And half of it's mental. You may be a great skater, but if somebody else has got their head together, you're going to bite it on the ice.
BECKEL: What do you think about her being in fourth place and coming in and being named the third?
GUILFOYLE: I'd be pissed, if when it came to game day like that, I performed and I got bopped. I would be angry, and I would call my friend Tonya Harding. We would take care of it.
BECKEL: Well, you know what's -- and the fourth-place finish...
PERINO: And Hillary, the hit list.
BECKEL: ... it was 20 years ago that Tonya Harding had the No. 1 person, Nancy Kerrigan, kneecapped, but I hope that doesn't result in that -- gets down to that. What do you think?
PERINO: I think that -- disturbed a little bit by Wagner, who said about the event where she fell twice, she said, "I was overwhelmed from the big lights and the big show." What does she think the Olympics are going to be?
GUTFELD: It's in Boston.
PERINO: I understand that the judges -- or the U.S. Olympic Committee can look at a totality of your career and make a decision, and so, look, that's what happens.
GUILFOYLE: Get a sports psychologist and fast.
BECKEL: Greg, you're our resident expert on women's figure skating. What do you think? What's your view of this?
GUILFOYLE: You were one in another life.
GUTFELD: As a leader, a vocal leader in the figure-skating community, I can say that all of us are disgusted.
No, actually, I've never been on ice. Ice is for scotch and black eyes. Figure skating to me is like musical theater and variety dancing. The only people who are interested in it are people who have participated in it or know somebody who's participating in it, like the parent of a child. But people like me, no.
BECKEL: I'll tell you one thing...
PERINO: But you'd be so graceful on ice. I mean, can you imagine?
BECKEL: They work harder, those...
GUTFELD: They do work hard.
BECKEL: The figure skating people work harder than about anybody else in the Olympics. They start at 5 a.m. in the morning.
GUILFOYLE: I agree, tremendous sacrifice.
BECKEL: And one spill, and you're in real trouble. But I think you're right. I think it's going to be a tough road to hoe at Sochi.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
BECKEL: And by the way, there's a travel advisory. So be careful.
GUTFELD: (UNINTELLIGIBLE)
BECKEL: No, it's not. She'll be fine, no problem. It's right near Chechnya, but it's no problem.
"One More Thing" is up next.
Just ask the State Department.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: It's time now for "One More Thing."
GUILFOYLE: It's sad that you can actually make that voice.
PERINO: Do I live in your head all night, all day?
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: OK, our own Elisabeth Hasselbeck on "FOX and Friends," she sits on the board -- advisory board of Team Red, White, and Blue, and they help veterans that are coming back and involved in their community. They want, you know, veterans; not only just veterans. And you can join, too, in your own community and just get everyone involved. It's a great organization.
And this morning, I was watching "FOX and Friends," and I saw this great thing happen.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: We're celebrating our 100-year anniversary this year. So we started a campaign we call "100 Years of Good." And we are just trying to find organizations and individuals who do great things like Red, White, and Blue, and you're our first recipient.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: So that's great and wonderful of Chicken of the Sea to do that. And great -- Elisabeth Hasselbeck is one of the nicest people, and she does a ton.
GUTFELD: Where do they cash that check?
PERINO: A big bank.
BOLLING: It's a big bank.
PERINO: A big bank.
All right. Next is Bob.
GUILFOYLE: Chicken of the Sea, is it chicken or is it tuna?
BECKEL: The Israeli legend, Prime Minister Sharon, former prime minister Sharon died after many, many months of being in a very difficult condition. And so he was buried this last weekend, and Vice President Joe Biden represented the United States. Let's see what Biden had to say.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN, VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: The defining attributes of this great man's character, a passion for the Jewish people; physical as well as political courage; and love of this land, they have all played out on the canvas, the state of Israel's historic trajectory.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BECKEL: I think that was quite a good job on Biden's part. He didn't make any mistakes in that, and Ariel Sharon was -- was a military leader and a political leader and very tough and very good.
PERINO: All right, thank you for that.
Eric, you're next.
BOLLING: "One More Thing," it's supposed to be things that we didn't get to in the show that we all have -- we individually have an opinion about. The Christie, what's going on with Christie...
PERINO: But that's not the only thing "One More Thing" is.
BOLLING: I know, but one of the things is. So I'm going to write something and put it up on FOXNews.com, FOX Nation either tonight or first thing tomorrow. Chris Christie is going to deliver the state of the state address tomorrow, so I'm going to preview that a little bit.
For my "One More Thing," I was watching Shep earlier today, and he said this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: You know what they say: Liquor before wine, you're doing fine. So...
SHEPARD SMITH, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Is that right?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, yes.
SMITH: If you put the wine in the liquor and just add a little beer as a chaser.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Well, that's just ghetto, Shep.
SMITH: It is kind of ghetto. It's kind of what they do on "The Five."
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, boy, is that their secret?
SMITH: They laugh knowingly. They have many secrets.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
BOLLING: Yes, we laugh knowingly, Shep. Let's go out for a drink sometime.
PERINO: Was that funny?
BOLLING: You and me and a beer and a shot. We'll go one, one, one, one.
BECKEL: Do you know that that's an American legend, the Jim Beam?
GUILFOYLE: You drink vodka.
BECKEL: You know it's been bought by the Japanese?
BOLLING: I do know that. The Japanese bought that. It's like the third major...
BECKEL: What's next, man?
BOLLING: ... liquor distillery that's been bought.
BECKEL: Come on.
GUILFOYLE: You drink vodka.
BOLLING: I do.
PERINO: OK, Greg, you're next.
GUTFELD: You know, it's time for this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I hate these people!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. As you know, I like to lift weights.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, right.
GUTFELD: People actually come and watch me lift weights. I don't mind that as long as you stay far away.
I hate station hogs. You know what station hogs are? Those are the people that put towels on, let's say, the incline bench while they go and do something on the curling -- the curling bench. Or they are sitting there texting or whatever, but they're using more than one piece of equipment.
These are bad people. These are bad people. They should be -- they should be punished. They should be hurt. And you know who should hurt them? It should be the managers of the club and not me. You've got to discipline these people. You're only supposed to have one place to work out so other people can work out. You don't hog the machines.
PERINO: No, you bring a squirt gun, and you shoot them.
BECKEL: You know what's happened to me before? It was the floor machines I want to use. Those are different.
GUILFOYLE: That's why I don't go to the gym. Nothing but a headache.
PERINO: I reserve a space in the barre class. I have to say. I'll think about that.
GUTFELD: What do you mean? You put something down?
PERINO: You put a towel over the barre area where you want to be.
GUTFELD: People at the beach do that.
PERINO: I won't do that ever again.
GUTFELD: I hate those people, too.
GUILFOYLE: Let's do something more fun.
GUTFELD: No.
GUILFOYLE: Talk about the 49ers. Yay.
GUTFELD: Yay.
GUILFOYLE: There I am in my "5" jersey. Isn't that nice?
PERINO: Cute.
GUILFOYLE: Krista Lynn (ph) sent that in, one of our fans of "The Five." So it says "5" on the front and "Kimberly" on the back. And I was wearing it.
Ronan...
PERINO: Wow, he's growing up.
GUILFOYLE: ... to mock me, even though I gave birth to him, said "Boo, mom's team," and yelled "Go Giants" the entire time. So there you go, but we had a good time watching the game and looking forward to the Niners playing again, although Seattle Seahawks favored.
GUTFELD: Big weekend. Who do you like?
GUILFOYLE: Minus three and a half.
BOLLING: Seattle minus 3 or your Niners?
GUILFOYLE: I'm going with the Niners.
BOLLING: I agree with you 100 percent.
GUILFOYLE: Come on. True blood. True blood.
GUTFELD: The 49ers.
PERINO: All right. Don't forget to set your DVRs.
GUTFELD: I agree.
PERINO: Never miss an episode of "The Five." We're going to see you back here tomorrow.
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