Dennis Miller on Pennsylvania Primary, McCain Ageism Ad

This is a rush transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," April 23, 2008. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: politics and pain. Both Miller and I are wounded this evening. We'll explain a bit later. First our correspondent joins us now from the home of his syndicated radio show, Southern California.

So are you happy for Hillary this morning? I mean, she's so overjoyed about the 9-point victory in Pennsylvania. Are you feeling her elation?

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Well, last night was a mixed bag for me, Bill, because I was buying a used car off Terry McAuliffe at the precise instant FOX called it for Hillary. He was just about to go into the back room to see what he could do for me. They made the call. I didn't see him for a couple of hours. So it was, like I said, a mixed bag.

I would say this about Hillary Clinton: What we've learned is you can never count her out of a fight unless it's Iraq, in which case you can count her out of a fight.

O'REILLY: So you really don't care who the nominee is against McCain, and your issue is — people know it is terrorism. But you don't care whether it's Obama or Hillary Clinton?

MILLER: I care to the extent that I think black people in this country are about to get piled on again. And I hope they see it like Omar Sharif approaching the well in "Lawrence of Arabia" way off in the distance. They are going to try to use this expansion joint of the superdelegates as a cudgel to take this away.

And there's — listen, to my way of thinking, if he's one vote up in the popular vote or one delegate up on June 4, he should be the nominee. Now, they're going to do all this flabba jabba, and they're going to try to tell black Americans how it's better for them if they take it away from him and give it to her. But the fact is if he's even one vote up, why would the person with one less vote have any more claim to it than the person with one more vote?

O'REILLY: So you think that Hillary Clinton is going to pull it off in the end? They're going to job Barack Obama?

MILLER: I think they're going to try. I think they're grifters. They're Bonnie and Clyde. Yes. I think Lanny Davis is firing out the back window. C.W. Moss is hanging onto the wheel.

Listen, it's the "hope of audacity" with Hillary Clinton. When she starts talking about counting Michigan, and Barack Obama pulled out of Michigan because they told him to, you know there's a heist in play here.

O'REILLY: All right. Well, we'll keep an eye on it, Miller, because we want a fair count above all.

Now John McCain, you are supporting, as we mentioned. The George Soros far-left crew put together a cabal of people to pool money. And we understand it's $350 million to take ads out to smear, mock, denigrate — whatever word you want to use — John McCain.

Here is the first ad.


UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: McCain is older than the Periodic Table of Elements. All right, not really. But he is older than plutonium.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I got it, I got it. John McCain is older than McDonald's and Burger King and probably a whole bunch of other fast-food restaurants, too.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: John McCain is older than Coke in a can.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: John McCain is older than — what the hell is that country? — Indonesia.


UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And Iceland. I got it. The dude is older than Velcro.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: And he's older than nylon. He's even older than color TV.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh my God, John McCain is older than Dick freaking Cheney.


O'REILLY: There you go. And that's just a start. What do you think?

MILLER: I don't think they're getting any bang for their $3.5 billion. You know, you can flip that and just say Barack Obama is too young to remember Norman Rockwell or Frank Capra or a time when the good guy wore the white hat and the bad guy wore the black hat or a time when the iconography of Iwo Jima wasn't compromised for some half-derriered cause, some Isaac Asimov fever dream where you have those people putting a tree up.

Yes, some people might view John McCain as turgid. Some people might view Barack Obama as callow. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. But young doesn't necessarily play with me either right now.

O'REILLY: OK. Well, because you're an old fogey you know that. And, you know, you're an old guy now.

MILLER: Hey, listen, in full disclosure, Bill, at the beginning of this race, I said John McCain was too old. But Rudy Giuliani, my guy, who I felt was entering his peak killing years, vis-a-vis radical Islam, dropped out, so I have John McCain. I'm more than happy to have him.

And guess what? Over the interim 10 months since I made that proclamation, he looks more rested than either of the younger kids, so I guess I was wrong on that.

O'REILLY: OK. Now as I mentioned, both Miller and I are wounded. Miller had his appendix out, and I had a tooth extracted yesterday. I feel like I got punched in the mouth, and I'm sure a lot of people would like to have that experience. How do you feel with the appendix gone?

MILLER: Well, mine was even more frightening. They were just about to put me under. I looked up, and the guy said, "He, I'm your anesthesiologist, Dr. Immelt." And I thought, "Oh my God, here we go." I thought, either I'm going to wake up in my room or I'm going to wake up in hell. But I didn't wake up back on CNBC. I'm still here on FOX. So it worked out.

O'REILLY: We're really working over Jeffrey Immelt. We're referring to your former boss over there, because he's doing business with...

MILLER: You are. I'm just putting the shot in.

O'REILLY: Yes, I know. But he deserves it. I mean, doing business with Iran and all this other stuff. And we have another story coming up. We had an undercover guy at the GE meeting today. Wait until you see this, Miller. You're going to like it.

MILLER: Really? Billy, remind me never to have you nipping at my calf.

O'REILLY: No, believe me. But we only do it to bad guys, Miller. And you're a good guy.

So you feeling OK? I mean, your appendix is out. You're looking all right. Do you miss it? Is it — you know, did you have a little ceremony for it?

MILLER: No, man. It's a vestigial organ, as they say. It doesn't serve any purpose anymore. So as long as my rancor is not contained therein, I'm happy.

O'REILLY: OK. Now I suggested that you take that appendix and you put it into Bill Maher, like a transplant from you to Maher, so that maybe Maher will wise up. Was I cruel in suggesting that, Miller?

MILLER: No, no, you weren't. Listen, Bill and I are friends. But you're right. I can't agree with him anymore. But I think it's quite...

O'REILLY: Maybe if he gets your appendix. You know, we get one of your organs inside him and, you know, things could change.

MILLER: Hey, Bill, as far as that last guest, can I say something real quickly?


MILLER: How's about this? If gas goes up to six bucks, let's all stay home one night.

O'REILLY: That's right. I'm with you. You and I, we're going to...

MILLER: Let's quit drinking coffee.

O'REILLY: We're going to take on the Tibet thing, and we're going to take on the oil companies, Miller. That's our summer agenda.

MILLER: The whole world is watching! The whole world is watching!

O'REILLY: Dennis Miller, everybody, minus his appendix.

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