Dennis Miller on Obama's MTV Town Hall, Bristol Palin on 'Dancing With the Stars'

This is a RUSH transcript from "The O'Reilly Factor," October 13, 2010. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

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BILL O'REILLY, HOST: In the "Miller Time" segment tonight: the sage of southern California has been hanging out in New York City this week. He forced me to buy him dinner on Monday night, which nearly caused a riot in the restaurant. Here now is Dennis Miller.

DENNIS MILLER, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Billy, you've got the town wired. O'Reilly and I go into the restaurant the other night. The cat runs up and Billy just says I need the asparagus thing. Next thing I know I got six asparagus in front of me the size of the club you put on a steering wheel of the car. Just like that.

O'REILLY: Those guys take good care of me. It's Via Italia. Wasn't it good?

MILLER: Yes, it was great, great food. You've got to tell Karl Rove to change that backdrop. It's so old. The globe -- did you notice the globe over his shoulder was so old that South America and Africa had yet to separate?

O'REILLY: You know, down in Texas they don't move that quickly.

MILLER: By the way, Target is not gay. I was almost late tonight. I was over in Hoboken at the Target there.

O'REILLY: You go there a lot.

MILLER: Yes, it was a casual dress-up like Judy Garland for the sales staff day over there.

O'REILLY: Are they going to open a Target in Greenwich Village?


O'REILLY: And in the Castro in San Francisco.

MILLER: I'm going to get myself a cod piece.

O'REILLY: All right. MTV, tomorrow hosting President Obama town hall meeting in Washington, D.C. Obama going into the real tough precincts.

MILLER: "The Real World."

O'REILLY: Over at MTV. You have some advice for the president?

MILLER: Listen, at this point, he's obviously got to find a choir to preach to. He's losing his audience as left and right. As a matter of fact, that is why they got those miners out last night in Chile. They were thinking of taking him down there to speak and they wanted to get them out of there before he came.

So he's got to go to the kids. Kids are much brighter, but they're not any wiser. Kids are never wise. When he gets together with kids, it's always uncomfortable for him because the kids have kid questions. They step up to the mic and remember that one the kid says: "President Obama, I work at McDonalds. I don't want to work at McDonalds anymore. Get me out of McDonalds."

And I'm thinking what is the president like? Richard Gere from "Officer and a Gentleman" where he swoops into Mickey D and his dress whites picks the kid up and carries them out while Joe Cocker is singing? All the other kids are at the counter, you go, girl. It's kids. So that's all he has left at this point.

O'REILLY: You know, I don't know what he is going to accomplish. I guess mobilizing the kid vote. He wants anyone over 18 to go vote for him, so he goes on MTV. I guess that's what the strategy is there.

MILLER: I don't think you can cheerlead kids into voting in a midterm. They might be there for him again in 2012, but you really think you're going to get kids at UNLV to get up early in the morning and get out and save Harry Reid's tukus? Come on.

O'REILLY: No, because Obama is not on the ballot. They'll turn out for the town hall meeting. Now the Chilean mine escape. You were watching last night as the guys got pulled up. What do you think?

MILLER: Well, it's a sweet story. I was watching an unbelievable scene yesterday. I think it speaks to how soft the world has gotten and how touchy feely we've gotten. A good man who's on this network named Dr. Keith Ablow. Have you seen that?

O'REILLY: Yes, sure.

MILLER: Smart guy. Sweet, nice, well-intention guy, but he was talking about the guys being back on the surface and he was hoping there was counseling for them there because they're going to go through a lot of stress. I said, what happened to the good old days like "How Green Was My Valley" where the mine caves in and they get you out and you go home and get blasted for a couple days before you start worrying about how bummed out you are that you've been saved? It just seems that we over-think of these things and I noticed the way the elevator got up to the top, I don't know if you saw it, there was a guy working triage who not open the damn door. People were stuck in this little area, he's like no. You might have. Can you open the door? You might be this. Open the door! Don't be upset now. You might have rage. Let me out of here! I've been in bowels of the Earth.

O'REILLY: That's a good point. That maybe these guys just want to go to the beach for a few days before they go to the shrinks.

MILLER: Yes, listen, you know, when I first saw that -- when they came down and they open the camera, I thought, look, it's assistant manager day down at Target.

O'REILLY: All right. Bristol Palin, daughter of Governor Palin, is on "Dancing With the Stars". Let's roll it.

O'REILLY: So did she get high marks? Was she successful?

MILLER: I know this is going to break your heart. I was watching "The Bachelor: Chile" last night as they got the kids out of the mine, but I don't watch "Dancing With the Stars" anymore because I'm trying to wean myself off reality TV, because I find it's too representative of the real world now. Undeserving people are winning. I watched "Survivor" for 10 years. I can't watch anymore. There are doltish kids who are winning. They're drumming out all the old people and "Dancing With the Stars," as sweet as it is. I find it sweet when a girl like Bristol Palin gets out there. You know, it must be exciting for them to be in showbiz a little. I don't find this odd at all. She's just having a gas at it. I find that a couple people won who aren't the best dancers and I want the best to win. It almost represents the United States of America. Who do you feel should win?

O'REILLY: It's a huge show because people need escapism. Reality, these aren't reality shows. These are dopey shows. I don't say that in a pejorative way because escapism is good. Reality is frightening and terrible right now.

MILLER: I tell you one thing about the Palins. She's still in there five or six weeks in. She's like her mom. You know, they hang around. I've got to give it to them. They stick to it.

O'REILLY: Call me cynical, she may be in there because she's Bristol Palin not because she did the rumba. You can do a better rumba.

MILLER: Billy, the day I'm on that show it will be like Adam West in season three of "Batman." You're thinking he's a little descended around the belly area.

O'REILLY: Robin going, you know, Batman, Weight Watcher clinic right over there.

MILLER: Joker wants to give you a sauna belt.

O'REILLY: That is a tough uniform to wear if you've got the little Midas.

MILLER: Especially when you're going to get that kid, "The Situation," who has a concave belly. Of course, he got voted off last night. There is a silhouette of him at the beginning.

O'REILLY: That is the guy on the Jersey show, right?

MILLER: I tell you what, Barack on that MTV thing. He better have his bag packed on Snooki because he fakes it like one week he knows Snooki then now he doesn't. These kids, you know, Snooki is a patron saint to these kids.

O'REILLY: I was going to break tomorrow. I got to break this tonight. Snooki is going to be the new secretary of Interior. Did you know that?

MILLER: Bingo. Only in America.

O'REILLY: Needs a Jersey vote, and apparently Snooki knows all about the interior. All right. Dennis Miller, everybody. There he is.

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