Democrats' impeachment push set to die in Senate

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," December 13, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

Jesse Watters, co-host: Hello, everybody, I'm Jesse Waters, along with Dagen McDowell, Juan Williams, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's five o'clock New York City and this is "The Five."

President Trump blasting Democrats as they head for an impeachment disaster. The House Judiciary Committee adopting two articles against Trump in a partisan party line vote earlier. The president hitting back.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

President Donald Trump: It's a witch hunt. It's a sham. It's a hoax. I think it's a horrible thing to be using the tool of impeachment, which is supposed to be used in an emergency. You're trivializing impeachment. And I tell you what. Someday there'll be a Democrat president, and there'll be a Republican House. And I suspect they're going to remember it. I'll do whatever I want. Look, there is, we did nothing wrong. So, I'll do long or short. I wouldn't mind a long process because I'd like to see the whistleblower who's a fraud.

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Jesse Watters: The full House vote on impeachment is expected sometime next week. But now a growing number of moderate Democrats are reportedly on the fence about it. And in the Senate, Mitch McConnell is ready to crush the left's dreams. He says there's zero chance Trump will be removed from office. Other Republicans ripping into Democrats carrying out this charade.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIPS]

Rep. Doug Collins: This is the kangaroo court that we're talking about.

[CROSSTALK]

Doug Collins: The chairman's integrity is gone. His staff is gone. This was the most Bush league thing I have seen forever. This committee is more concerned about getting on TV in the morning than it was finishing its job tonight.

Rep. Louie Gohmert: This was a kangaroo court. Outrageous to put the country through this.

Rep. Matt Gaetz: As for Democrats, impeachment is their drug. It is their obsession. It is their total focus. And it is deeply disappointing that they failed to meet the standards that they set for themselves.

[END VIDEO CLIPS]

Jesse Watters: Wow, did Gaetz steal your line, Greg, about drugs?

Greg Gutfeld, co-host: I think I've used that a lot. Drugs.

Jesse Watters: He's watching.

Dana Perino, co-host: [laughing]

Greg Gutfeld: That is bad for the kangaroos. They're always like being lumped in the bad things, too. Like kangaroo court.

Dana Perino: Yeah all they do is hop around.

Greg Gutfeld: Seems to me that a kangaroo court would be a lot of fun.

Jesse Watters: Sure would be.

Greg Gutfeld: Speaking of which, this process has the feeling of a Harlem Globetrotters game, right?

Dana Perino: Yes.

Greg Gutfeld: No matter what you're witnessing right now, we all know the outcome -- when we used to watch ABC Wide World of Sports and they'd have a Harlem Globetrotters game. It always ends, and the Globetrotters win. And this is what's going to happen to the Dems, even though they know. They remind me. I feel bad for the Dems. They remind me of the time me and my brother in law, we were sitting at home and we decided we were going to drive four hours to Reno, Nevada, to gamble. And so, we got in the car, we drove. And as we got to Reno, we realized that we needed to go to bed. But we'd already committed--.

Jesse Watters: How old were you?

Greg Gutfeld: This was like last month. We already committed. And this is what happens when you commit to a really dumb idea. You have to be brave enough to admit it's a dumb idea and just step back. And we ended up turning around and getting a hotel and going back to bed.

Jesse Watters: Wow, that could have been a really good story.

[CROSSTALK].

Greg Gutfeld: No, we were old men.

Dana Perino: And then we decided to play one more hand, and we won ten thousand dollars.

Greg Gutfeld: But how, I mean, how delusional is it that they want a wider TV audience for this? Right? That's why they postponed the impeachment. They think the solution for their idiocy is to get more people to watch their idiocy.

Jesse Watters: Right, because as these processes gone on, people have changed their opinions a little bit about impeachment, and they're not buying what the Democrats are selling.

Dana Perino: And you can see that. And we've talked about Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania. But I was talking to a source today who said they've looked at independent voters in Georgia, Arizona, Iowa, and that the numbers are, the trend line, is very similar. So the independents are like, we're not for this. Maybe. I'm not saying the election is going to be a breeze for President Trump, but at least for independents, they're like let's just handle this at the ballot box. Can I make a prediction?

Jesse Watters: Yes. You're very good at those.

Dana Perino: I have a good prediction. OK. So, have you seen this press spin of expectation setting that there could be a slew of Democrats who are going to vote against impeachment?

Jesse Watters: Yes.

Dana Perino: I think that that is spin because they want the narrative out there that they can lose a bunch so that when they only lose 2 or 3 or 4, it will look like they held their caucus together. And Pelosi had said, remember, she already broke that one promise. Right. She said," I am not for impeachment unless it's bipartisan." The only bipartisan vote she could get right now is against impeachment.

Jesse Watters: That's true.

Dana Perino: And there's been a couple of Democrats, House Democrats, who are in those districts that President Trump won in 2016 who have said they're going to be against impeachment. It's like, nice try. I still think they're going to get punished electorally because they are still part of the crew that enabled and continued this impeachment inquiry.

Jesse Watters: I'd like to play a sound bite for Juan, and then maybe you could react to that.

Juan Williams, co-host: Is this a Christmas gift?

Jesse Watters: Yes. We can unwrap it right now. It is the Jeffrey Toobin sound bite.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

Jeffrey Toobin, CNN: Donald Trump, in a way, has already won. How much did we hear about Hunter Biden? Over and over again about Hunter Biden. That's what the Republicans are talking about constantly. And, you know, there are questions about Hunter Biden's behavior.

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Jesse Watters: Yeah, throughout this the Biden team got crushed Juan.

Juan Williams: Oh, yeah.

Jesse Watters: It's what you call collateral damage.

Juan Williams: Yea I see he's really sank in the polls boy he got crushed.

Jesse Watters: Yea he's losing to Trump battleground.

Juan Williams: Oh, get out of town. You know.

Jesse Watters: I'm not going anywhere.

Juan Williams: Well, I mean, the thing is, he's not losing, and he's stayed steady. But you're right in terms of sliming him. Yeah Trump's message got out there and I don't think it helps Biden you know, as we approach the general election, that that's your point. But I think that, you know, to the larger point here today, if there's a prediction to be made next week, you can bet your whole dollar on it when you get to Vegas. The House will impeach Donald Trump and he'll be the third president in U.S. history to be impeached and he'll be impeached for a lot of very strong reasons, abuse of power and obstruction of Congress. You know, today, Nancy Pelosi put out a video, and in the video, she had Republicans, former Republicans who were very clear, you know what we can't take this Trump stuff anymore, this abuse, this kind of attitude. You know, she had people saying, you know, she --

Jesse Watters: Impeaching over an attitude.

Juan Williams: If Obama had done anything close to what Trump has done, we would have impeached Obama. And I think the other point to be made here is that what you see in terms of the Republican talking points. You know what, Steve Scalise, the Republican whip, puts out you have the partisan blindness and lined up with right wing media to protect Donald Trump from the facts.

Jesse Watters: That huge right-wing media that's out there.

Juan Williams: It is huge guy...

Jesse Watters: The right-wing conspiracy.

Juan Williams: The top talk radio show, Limbaugh. You know, the top newspaper in America, once you get...

Jesse Watters: Freedom of the press Juan.

Juan Williams: No, I'm just saying. Everything.

Jesse Watters: What a scary thing.

Juan Williams: This is it and this thing about moderate Democrats defecting, I think Dana is exactly right this just there's no sign of this. Max Rose right here in New York who was...

Jesse Watters: Is that what you said?

Juan Williams: Yeah, Max Rose is like, well, you know, I don't think I think that we've got a case here for a strong case for impeachment.

Jesse Watters: Ok yeah Dagen.

Dagen McDowell, guest co-host: Yeah, President Obama really got impeached when he told President Medvedev oh, I'll have more flexibility after the 2012 election tell Vladimir Putin that. Who is the incoming president? Here's the Democrats like to act like they have the high the moral high ground on this and they're talking down to the American people. Less than 10 percent of Republicans support impeachment. The independents nationwide never got above 50 percent in terms of support. And to have a moral high ground, they're sitting a top, a heaping steaming pile of donkey dong and they can't smell how bad it is because they're so wrapped up in their own story. This impeachment narrative started before President Trump was even nominated to the Repub -- as the Republican candidate. It's gone on and on. There were dozens of stories right after the election that called for impeaching the president. There was one University of Utah professor who argued that Trump could be impeached immediately because of the Trump University fraud, quote unquote. This is just as smelly as that.

Jesse Watters: Yeah, we have Nancy Pelosi on tape saying how long they've been trying to impeach him.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

Female Speaker: One of the biggest criticisms of the process has been the speed at which the House Democrats are moving.

Rep. Nancy Pelosi: Speed?

Female Speaker: It is but seriously, though.

Nancy Pelosi: It's been going on for 22 months -- OK, two and a half years, actually.

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Jesse Watters: Oh, wow two and a half years, Dana they've been trying to impeach this guy.

Dana Perino: I mean, sometimes you just, you know what is the gaffe of when you accidentally tell the truth.

Jesse Watters: In Washington.

Dana Perino: This also reminds me of the politics of the government shutdown. Right. So, when do you learn from history? And the Republicans faced a big deficit in popularity after impeaching President Clinton. Impeachment actually strengthened President Clinton. And now I think you're kind of just seeing it repeated and it's the same thing like with the shutdown. Remember, the shutdown doesn't help anybody. The Schumer shut down and the Democrats thought, oh, this is really going to hurt President Trump, and it didn't.

Dagen McDowell: You know why this is a repeat record stock market today wages growing fast and dilation...

Dana Perino: The same in 1990.

Dagen McDowell: Right, wages are growing fast and inflation. Rank and file workers wages growing even quicker.

Jesse Watters: Greg didn't even need to go to Reno just look at his 401K.

Greg Gutfeld: And by the way I mean, it wasn't the right-wing media Juan that was pushing the dossier. You saw an entire media academic entertainment complex that was pushing garbage out there and they knew it was garbage. There has to be a way that they pay for that. I'm not saying jail time, but I'm saying that maybe a penance, that there's a little hotel on an island. You get all the media there and they're forced to watch Fox straight for one month.

Jesse Watters: It's called Gitmo.

Juan Williams: Wait a minute is that -- I forgot, Jesse. To your point we can forget because there's so much news and this stuff just keeps pouring out like a fire hydrant. But the IG report was this week. They Found no deep state, no wiretapping, no spying. It's just unbelievable.

Jesse Watters: False. False.

Juan Williams: Remember Trump was saying oh, it's a coup, it's a conspiracy. Twenty-two months -- let me tell you what 22 months is about. Twenty-two months is a speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, who said, I don't want to do this. Who was standing up against the far-right fringes that never liked him? And it was Donald Trump who had that phone call that prompted what we are going to see happen next week - impeachment of a president.

Greg Gutfeld: I hope you keep going with this because it's going to end up just like the Harlem Globetrotters. You're going to lose by, I don't know, 50, 60 --

Juan Williams: No. The Globetrotters win. The Democrats --

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah, that's what I mean. That's what I mean.

Jesse Watters: The Democrats are not the Globetrotters.

[laughter]

Greg Gutfeld: The Washington [unintelligible]

[laughter]

Jesse Watters: Coming up, a huge warning sign for 2020 for Democrats pushing these radical policies. We'll tell you what it is up next.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

Dana Perino: Welcome back. Time for our 20-20 roundup. It's being called a major warning sign for Democrats running on progressive policies. Prime Minister Boris Johnson and conservatives with a landslide victory in the UK election. President Trump reacting with this prediction.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

President Donald Trump: I want to congratulate Boris Johnson on a terrific victory. I think that might be a harbinger of what's to come in our country. It was last time. I'm sure people will be thrilled to hear that.

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Dana Perino: Love the word harbinger. Greg, Boris Johnson seemed to read the public mood correctly.

Greg Gutfeld: You know what, though? The Democrats are super lucky, right? Because they can look over across the pond -- it's a phrase people use, "the pond" being an actual ocean. But if you can look over there and you can see what's happening could happen to you. It's like when your buddy takes the drug 20 minutes before you do, and you can sit there and go, "If it's any good, I'll take it." But you'll just let them take it first. And then if they have a bad trip, you skip it. This is not something I know personally, but I have seen that happen. But I think this is the result of England embracing identity politics. I think that's kind of the bigger issue here. And it's not just Boris Johnson, it's that -- it's how the country's changing and how, you know, Jeremy Corbyn is embracing the, "He/him," you know, announcing his pronoun. I think people have had enough of that. And I think the AOC endorsement of Jeremy really, really helped him a lot.

Dana Perino: [laughs] The -- I think the other thing is that Jeremy Corbyn, on the Labour side, he was advocating for even more socialism. And in taking over -- having a government take over actual industries in the U.K.

Jesse Waters: Dana, I'm no longer satisfied with just being right. I now am very keen on pointing out when other people are wrong.

[CROSSTALK]

Dana Perino: How gracious of you.

Jesse Waters: I would like to start doing that more often on the show because I don't do it enough, and it needs to be done. The mainstream media conventional wisdom has been so wrong on pretty much everything when it comes to Brexit, Boris, Trump, the dossier, collusion, this upcoming recession that we never had. There's no other industry in the entire world where people can consistently get things wrong and still have a job. And that's why I think the people that own these media companies don't actually care about accuracy. They just want to hear a certain thing said. They don't care if it's right or wrong. They just want to hear it. It's like if you had a weatherman, they got, like, the wrong report day after day, or a stockbroker that every time he told you to invest, the place went down to the street. These people would have no jobs. But everybody in the media continues to cash paychecks and it's just embarrassing every single day. And I'm going to continue to point it out.

Dana Perino: Okay, well, let me ask you this, though. President Obama actually, before the U.K. Election had warned the Democrats, "You're moving too far left. People don't want that kind of radical change. Slow your roll." Will the Democratic Party maybe take a clue from this?

Juan Williams: I don't think that's what this is about. I mean, I think that, clearly, it was a landslide for Boris Johnson. But I think the opposition here was Jeremy Corbyn. And I just don't think --

Dana Perino: Well, again, the choice between two people.

Juan Williams: Well, no, but I think in this case, Jeremy Corbyn is certainly not charismatic. I mean, even if you were to say, well, is he analogous to Bernie Sanders on the left? Well, you know, I don't think anybody's saying that Bernie Sanders is an anti-Semite. You know, I don't think the people think -- people might disagree with Bernie Sanders, but a lot of people, especially young people, are quite taken with his personality. That's not Jeremy Corbyn.

[CROSSTALK]

Juan Williams: So, I think that you have a huge difference. But I think the key point is that you can't be so unpopular, because people are more voting on personality than they are on policy in this case. And I just think Boris Johnson, so much more, you know, I mean, people say --

Dana Perino: He's a character.

[CROSSTALK]

Jesse Waters: The media rips him to pieces, though.

Dana Perino: But now the hard part for Boris Johnson -- actually extricating from the EU.

Dagen McDowell: It's going to be tough, but he promised the voters that he would respect their wishes. And that's what it comes down to. Stop lecturing the people about what they should believe and acknowledge what they voted for. You know, Jeremy Corbyn, anti-Semitic communist. So, it was the combination of the anti-Semitism --

Dana Perino: And identity politics.

Dagen McDowell: -- and identity politics, and also trying to expand the net -- the government control of industries. He was in favor of taking over the rails, broadband, the post office. This at a time when you have socialized medicine with fit -- with wait times in emergency rooms at 15-year highs. That's our future, if we're not careful.

Dana Perino: I have a whole show on that. But we have one other thing we want to get to. Hillary Clinton -- we're going to bring her back up again -- continues to overshadow 2020 Democrats. There's a new documentary about her 2016 election, and it's going to hit the film festival circuit. You know, Greg, you could find a lot of friends there, I'm sure. Of course, it is fueling more 2020 speculation. Watch.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

Male Speaker: One of the most admired and one of the most vilified women in American history.

Hillary Clinton: Somebody asked me what you want on your gravestone. I said, "She's neither as good nor as bad as some people say about her."

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Dana Perino: You wonder why there's so much speculation.

Greg Gutfeld: I think what's happening is, if you don't want to have the British result here, you got to narrow the field. Unfortunately, it leaves the Dems with zero. If you -- I don't see any -- I don't see how. And everybody in their field, with the exception of Biden, is left wing. Biden is kind of center left. But he's got problems. So, I have no, I mean, maybe that's why this is happening.

Dana Perino: And I know people that were center left like Bullock or Bennett, who's still in it. But Bullock has come out. They can't get much traction. Do you have friends who think that Hillary Clinton is going to get in?

Jesse Watters: Yeah, I do. I have a few friends that think that.

Greg Gutfeld: You have a few friends?

Dana Perino: Yeah, but I'm surprised at some of my friends. I really think she's going to do it.

Jesse Watters: Yeah, I don't know if she's going to do it or not. I wasn't going to watch the movie until I found out I was in the movie.

Dana Perino: You're in it?

Jesse Watters: Yeah. I said something like -- and they used it -- I said something like Hillary Clinton is unlikable because she's unlikable. It was a brilliant line, and I'm really glad.

Dana Perino: Wow, so profound.

Jesse Watters: When they talk about her overshadowing the field. I don't think she really casts a large shadow. She's not a larger than life figure like a Barack Obama. She only overshadows the field because the rest of the field is so small. Little Pete and Biden, they don't make news unless we talk about them. So, it's easy to overshadow this field.

Dana Perino: Quick thoughts from you Juan and Dagen.

Juan Williams: Well, I mean, I don't think she overshadows this at all. I can't think of any democratic candidate who's changing their strategy, changing their campaign because of a Hillary Clinton documentary. I think the real issue here is you guys can't get over Hillary Clinton.

Greg Gutfeld: I love her.

[CROSSTALK]

Greg Gutfeld: She's so entertaining.

Juan Williams: Yeah there we go, you want her --.

[CROSSTALK]

Dagen McDowell: I think she's jealous of Michelle Obama, that Michelle Obama is in the spotlight. She's feeling the heat of the sun. She's got one of the bestselling memoirs of all time. She's selling out arenas, and this documentary premieres at the Sundance Film Festival when the Obamas also have a documentary about a camp for disabled children.

Jesse Watters: Hmmm.

Dana Perino: That is very, very interesting. And if you want a little bit more on the Brexit thing, our whole Boris Johnson, I did a podcast today with my husband, Peter. It's firewalled, and it's on Fox News.com/Podcast. You can find it there. All right a creepy and disturbing invasion of privacy -- a hacker accessing a ring camera in a child's room. The video and that story up next.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

Juan Williams: New big tech privacy concerns that are downright scary. Shocking video shows hackers gaining access to a security camera that was placed inside an 8-year-old's bedroom. Take a look at this.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

Little Girl: Who is that?

Male Speaker: I'm your best friend. I'm Santa Claus.

Little Girl: Mommy.

Male Speaker: I'm Santa Claus. Don't you want to be my best friend?

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Juan Williams: Oh, boy. Ring, the company behind the camera, says it's investigating the incident. Dagen you know, the ring is supposed to give you a sense of security because you can see what's going on at your house, maybe even inside your house in that case. But in fact, this takes away that sense of security. This is scary.

Dagen McDowell: This falls on the parents ring has said that this is in no way related to a breach or compromised of ring security, that they say you have to use two factor authentication or you're supposed to and a lot of these incidents are it is because there's one hack. And I'll add a couple of points. When you put a camera in your kid's bedroom, you're literally inviting the entire connected world, the entire Internet into your child's safe space, if you will. Nobody who's really serious about hacking would ever do this kind of crap. This is Bush League, to quote the congressman. These are punks. You can make serious money hacking and quite frankly, if you have a weak password and no second factor authentication, you can get tools on their Internet freely and they can hack into your camera.

Juan Williams: Wait a second wait a second just very quickly. You're not saying that Ring has no responsibility for the fact that they can't be hacked.

Dagen McDowell: If you didn't if you had a week pass If he had a weak password.

Juan Williams: Okay.

Dagen McDowell: And your specific account got hacked and nobody else says ultimately that falls on the individual. It falls on the family.

Juan Williams: So, Jesse, we've previously had discussions about how Alexa can listen in on discussions. Now we see where people could actually be watching in. Would you have either the Ring or Alexa at this point?

Jesse Watters: Well, I assume I'm being spied on and I have nothing to hide unlike some of these sick puppies at this table. I assume some peeping toms checking me out or the Chinese or the Russians or God knows who. So, I don't have any fear of anything. I walk around and do my thing. Anytime I text, any time I do my thing alone in private, I assume people are voyeurs out there checking things out. So, I can't control that. So, I don't stress about it. And that's a good philosophy for all Americans to have.

Dana Perino: You're like the least stressed person I know. You're like this guy that used to work at the White House press office. I would do this thing called stressed and stoked at the meetings. Name one thing you're stressed about, one thing you're stoked about. And we all go around the room and then it was like kind of an icebreaker for a little brainstorming meeting. And this kid never once had anything you're stressed about. That's like you.

Jesse Watters: During the Bush years?

Dana Perino: Yeah, I know.

Jesse Watters: That kid must be really chill.

Dana Perino: He's pretty chill. And actually, he's doing very, very well.

Jesse Watters: Oh, good for him.

Dana Perino: Yeah. Just like you.

Jesse Watters: I'll look him up.

Juan Williams: Greg, in one incident that we had, you saw the one with the kid -- with a person that was pretending to be Santa Claus. In another incident, you had people just throwing racial slurs at kids and the like. So, it's very threatening, I think, and very upsetting.

Greg Gutfeld: I think this story's overblown. I would be willing to bet that those whoever did that probably knows the family, she might have siblings, they might be next door neighbors. It could be something like that. This happens with all innovations from cars to cell phones, the invention happens before the problem. You can't have the problem before the invention. When we had eight track tape players, we had eight track tape player theft from your cars broke. Everybody had broken windows in the 70s. It drove us crazy. But you couldn't have that until you had to attract a player. So, they'll figure this out. I guarantee you it was probably a prank. By the way, tech usually kills pranks like Star 69. You can't do crank phone calls anymore.

Jesse Watters: I loved Star 69.

Greg Gutfeld: That was my afternoon after school. At 3:00, you get home and you'd crank call everybody. You couldn't do that anymore.

Juan Williams: Wait, that was you?

Greg Gutfeld: That was me, Juan. Yeah, I got your number. You'd open up the phone book and you just put your finger on a number, and you call that number.

Jesse Watters: You find out where they'd live?

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah, we went to the house.

Dana Perino: And then you would sit on that phone book so you could get to the dinner.

Greg Gutfeld: Unnecessary attack.

Dana Perino: No, I always sit on a phone book, too.

Juan Williams: Oh, my gosh. An elbow. Anyway, up next, a lot of fun for us here in the Fastest Seven. Stay turned. Watch it on "The Five."

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

Dagen McDowell: Welcome back. Time for the fastest seven first stop. Turns out the Christmas music that we'll be hearing this holiday season is bad for our mental health. A new study says the, quote, incessant repetition impacts listeners psychologically. Greg, miserable people make me miserable.

Greg Gutfeld: Oh, I'm telling you right now. This is real, absolute science. We all know, especially as you get older, when you hear this music, it creates a sense of mortality and dread, because when it comes around every year, it's another year that you were on this planet one year, but until you die. And so -- t's a marking of time passing. That's why when you hear this stuff, it gets you angry. But that's not all. I hate holiday music with such a passion because it's foisted on you. You're being indoctrinated into other people's merriment. You have no control over it. I want to control what I listen to. I'm for capitalism, have Christmas every day. If it helps the economy. But don't torture me with his god awful music. If it was good music, you'd hear it every day. But you don't because it's terrible.

[CROSSTALK]

Juan Williams: I love Christmas music, and let me tell you why I love it. And you don't -- if you think that the repetition, which is the science that you're referring to, is the problem. Well, then you should have a wider repertoire of music to listen to. But you know what? It's a mood elevator for me.

Greg Gutfeld: No, it's not!

Juan Williams: It is, it is.

[CROSSTALK]

Juan Williams: And also, what about, as you point out, the fact that it brings people together, everybody gets kind of --

[CROSSTALK]

Juan Williams: -- you said it helps the economy. It helps to kind of -- helps everybody get out shopping. Everybody says, hey, let's have a Christmas party --

Greg Gutfeld: And they don't save money and they can't afford --

Juan Williams: Oh, I see, now you're anti-capitalism. [laughter]

Dana Perino: I think someone should invent some sort of a device that you put on your ear that filters that out.

Greg Gutfeld: Yes.

Dana Perino: And then also filters out all the other noises that I can't stand. Like, there's somebody near me that has like the little Tweety Bird thing every time they get a --

Greg Gutfeld: Person on your floor outside your office.

[CROSSTALK]

Jesse Waters: It's Ed Henry.

Dana Perino: It's not Ed Henry. If it was Ed Henry, I wouldgo in there and punch him out. But, like, that kind of innovation, imagine if you could have that.

Jesse Waters: Well, I think the real poisonous music is Greg's music that he tortures us with in the bump-ins, where it's like someone's torturing an animal in a basement.

Dana Perino: But it's only like six seconds.

Jesse Waters: Yeah, but it's six seconds too long.

[CROSSTALK]

Jesse Waters: This is another war on Christmas. This is a war on Christmas music. First it was- what was that?- "Baby, It's Cold Outside." They call that a rape song. Now this, this garbage survey.

Greg Gutfeld: Maybe I should be the subject on your show. You should do a segment about me.

Jesse Waters: No, that would not rate.

Juan Williams: By the way, in answer to your point that, you know, this reminds you of mortality because it happens every year. I have figured out now how to torture Greg. I'm going to say "happy birthday" to him every day.

Greg Gutfeld: You can't, though, right?

Juan Williams: Well, I can't.

[CROSSTALK]

Jesse Waters: You can't sing "Happy Birthday?"

Dana Perino: No, because you'll get charged.

Greg Gutfeld: You get charged, right?

Jesse Waters: Bring it on. [laughter]

Dagen McDowell: One of the most frustrating things about this time of year is the dreaded porch pirate. These pirates reportedly steal over a million packages, per day, nationwide. One Colorado woman had had enough and is fighting back in a creative way.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

Female Speaker: We forgot to set our trash out for Thanksgiving, so we were overflowing with trash and I've had packages stolen and I said, you know what I got extra boxes.

Let's see if someone will take our trash.

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Dagen McDowell: It gets even more for the poor, worse for the porch pirates.

The woman also using that trick to get rid of her kitty litter.

I put a copperhead in them.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

Female Speaker: If they're going to steal from me.

That's the consequences.

They get to deal with poo.

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Jesse Watters: Poo.

Dagen McDowell: Just like a copperhead.

Dana Perino: Colorado women are exceedingly smart, and I like this woman's approach.

And I hope whoever stole that also get some coal in their stocking like Jesse.

Jesse Watters: Yes, that's happened way too many times.

She's from Colorado I would have expected her maybe in the corner near the bushes with a little gun.

Just poo.

Isn't that legal if someone steps on your property? Just take him out.

Greg Gutfeld: I, no, I don't think that. All right.

Jesse Watters: If some trespasses.

That's in Florida at least.

Dagen McDowell: Well, I've, I've never fired a gun that went poo before.

Jesse Watters: Maybe a 22.

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah, I would be specific about the weapon.

Jesse Watters: You don't want to hurt them you just want to maim them.

Greg Gutfeld: You are really a humane.

Jesse Watters: I take private property very seriously Greg.

Greg Gutfeld: But you love your Halloween music.

Dagen McDowell: Says the man who has a rental apartment.

Jesse Watters: That's right.

Yeah, I don't a valet that takes all the boxes.

Dagen McDowell: Greg.

Greg Gutfeld: I it seems I've got a lot of work to throw stuff away.

By the way, I kind of like what she's throwing away so it would be kind of actually become an unexpected pleasure.

Juan Williams: Kitty litter kitty litter.

Greg Gutfeld: I don't know.

You don't know what I do in my private time.

Juan Williams: Oh, stop.

Jesse Watters: That's not true.

I have a Ring and I'm looking at everything.

Juan Williams: Is that it was you?

Jesse Watters: It was me.

it was me.

Juan Williams: But I you know, I don't like these porch pirates and I just I was reading this week Dagen that like 30 percent of delivery packages are stolen.

I can't believe it's that high.

Dagen McDowell: That's lot.

Juan Williams: It's unbelievable.

Dagen McDowell: On that note, downer. Next research confirms that tech addiction is making it a lot harder to get things done between 15 and 20 percent of American adults chronically procrastinate.

Jesse Watters: I think procrastinating is good it fires you up.

It makes you have a deadline.

And the more you procrastinate, the more adrenaline you have about when the deadlines going to hit.

Dana Perino: Yes kids, please procrastinate more, you will go very far.

Jesse Watters: No no no not homework I'm talking getting homework on time.

Time management.

Greg Gutfeld: Procrastination actually is kind of a scientific equation going on in your head.

Jesse Watters: You're right.

Greg Gutfeld: You're putting it you're trying to tabulate the possible outcomes of an event that you're about to participate in and then you go when you're ready to start.

Jesse Watters: How long do I have?

Greg Gutfeld: Yes.

Jesse Watters: Right.

Greg Gutfeld: And then you know, how close can I make?

Juan Williams: It takes I procrastinate a lot but you know what it is? It's like it builds me if I understand, OK, I'm going to swim in this pool.

I know it's gonna be cold.

I'm putting my foot in okay now my leg is in oh, no the breast is coming in and that's a very sensitive spot.

So, you know, procrastination has its purposes.

Jesse Watters: Right. Just dove right in Juan.

Juan Williams: Just go in?

Jesse Watters: Just dive right in.

Juan Williams: I should do that.

Thank you.

Dagen McDowell: Don't procrastinate in motion.

I was playing Tetris and walking, and I fell over the weekend and tore up both my knees.

Dana Perino: That's what you were doing?

Dagen McDowell: That's why I have a long skirt on today.

Dana Perino: I didn't know that's why you fell.

Dagen McDowell: I'm an idiot.

Don't go anywhere female Friday next.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

Greg Gutfeld: And you hate that music, you don't hate David Lee Roth ever, Jesse.

Jesse Watters: That's not death metal.

Greg Gutfeld: First question from Rachel P. what was your biggest misconception about adulthood? That's a great question. Feels like we've done it before. Dana.

Dana Perino: I think that you would feel old when you were a kid and you're coming up to 2020, or like for me I was like, what in 2020, I'll be forty-seven. Oh, my gosh, I'll be like almost done with my life.

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah.

Dana Perino: And I do like you end up like you actually feel younger than your age.

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah. Yeah. So, you're like you get still got 10 years till then.

Dana Perino: Yeah.

Greg Gutfeld: Right. Jessie, biggest misconception.

Jesse Watters: I don't know if this is the right answer.

Greg Gutfeld: [unintelligible] smarter?

Jesse Watters: This isn't the right answer but the other day someone on the subway called me sir.

Greg Gutfeld: Ah yeah.

Jesse Watters: And they said, excuse me, sir. And I was like, who are you talking too.

Dana Perino: Such good manners.

Jesse Watters: Right and I guess I thought that when I was younger, the adults like you always stayed young at heart because I am young. I feel like a child sometime.

Dana Perino: Yeah.

Jesse Watters: You're not suppose to agree with me.

Greg Gutfeld: You're teeing us up.

Dana Perino: They're virtually the same thing.

Greg Gutfeld: Juan what did you...

Juan Williams: I think the big thing is that when you're young and you're a kid, you think, boy, if I'm an adult, no one is going to tell me what to do. I go to sleep when I want and do what I want but then you get to be, you know, like a really old dog, like me.

Jesse Watters: And your spouse tell you what to do.

Greg Gutfeld: Exactly, But not only that, but...

Jesse Watters: And your boss.

Greg Gutfeld: You have bills and you have to be places and people expect...

Jesse Watters: Responsibilities.

Juan Williams: you to be an adult. They act like an adult and even dressed like an adult.

Jesse Watters: With freedom comes responsibilities Dagen I think that's what he's saying. The young man is saying over there.

Dagen McDowell: My what my misconception was that my 20s and 30s would be awesome and full of like dating. Instead, I had a haircut that looked like Jesse’s, and nobody told me that well that my hair looked like that.

Jesse Watters: Yeah.

Dagen McDowell: And I couldn't catch up to...

Jesse Watters: This is a very popular haircut.

Dagen McDowell: Save my life.

Greg Gutfeld: That's it.

Juan Williams: You're hurting...

Greg Gutfeld: Couldn't catch a break.

Juan Williams: His feelings.

Greg Gutfeld: You couldn't catch a break.

Dana Perino: That's what we're calling it these days.

Juan Williams: You know, you're hurt his feelings?

Dagen McDowell: No, actually, he loves his hair.

Jesse Watters: Yeah, I spend a lot of time on this today.

Dagen McDowell: But I'm going to chick I couldn't have Jesse hair.

Jesse Watters: You know what the big thing is when I was young. I always thought that, like, you would just you suddenly get old, right, when you met your grandparents. They were always like that. They weren't young and then we looked at pictures like it that's not them. That's why but you actually gradually get older so it's barely noticeable until, like you find a picture, you go crap, I'm old, not me, I mean, I'm talking about somebody else. I'm young. I'm not just young at heart, by the way. I'm young everywhere, Jesse.

Jesse Watters: Everywhere?

Greg Gutfeld: Everywhere. Yeah. Go to my Web site. All right. Hunt Jed. That's a strange name. What's one TV show you watch that you are embarrassed to tell people about?

Juan Williams: Oh, I know.

Greg Gutfeld: What?

Juan Williams: Jerry Springer.

Dana Perino: He looks up the old YouTube clips.

Greg Gutfeld: You watch the old YouTube?

Juan Williams: No, no. When he was on, but then, you know, it's like that genre of shows, I think I always think, you know, I think they're Shakespearean in some ways. But most people when I say that, they think, man, you have low taste dude.

Greg Gutfeld: Yeah, well, those have gone away. I mean, it's been replaced by cop stuff. Dagen.

Dagen McDowell: Yeah. I'm not embarrassed of anything that I watch. I watch every single reality show on Bravo. I can tell you about Captain Lee and Kate on the last episode of Below Deck, All The Real Housewives, LeAnn Locke and Erica Jane, I'm obsessed with. I am pathetic.

Greg Gutfeld: Dana.

Dana Perino: I'm not really embarrassed of the things that I watch except for Watters World.

[laughter]

Dana Perino: But I also watch -- I always watch South Park. I love South Park.

Greg Gutfeld: But that's like the smartest show on TV.

Dana Perino: That's great.

Greg Gutfeld: You should be embarrassed. Jesse?

Jesse Watters: I used to watch Morning Joe. I did. I used to really like it and then they really started hating on Trump.

Greg Gutfeld: That's what ended it for you?

Jesse Watters: Well, it's also pretty early in the morning.

Greg Gutfeld: All right. One More Thing is up next.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]

Jesse Waters: It's time now for one more thing. Greg?

Greg Gutfeld: All right. Tomorrow night, the Greg Gutfeld, show 10:00. I got Carly Shimkus, Charlie Hurt, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus. That's Saturday, December 14th, 10:00 p.m. Eastern. Hey, let's do that.

[music playing].

[CROSSTALK]

Jesse Waters: You know, in the wintertime, you could do a lot for the climate, in terms of reducing the energy you use. And one of the ways is in transportation, like this little fella here who decides to slide downhill rather than taking public or private transport.

Dana Perino: That looks like you in New Hampshire.

Jesse Waters: Well, you have a long memory. That was a long time ago, Dana --

Dana Perino: 2016, it so fun.

Jesse Waters: Was it really fun?

Dana Perino: Yeah.

Jesse Waters: It was one of the worst times in my life. I hated every moment of it. But this kid, he's having a great time. And that's why.

Dana Perino: What was that? I don't know. [music playing]

[CROSSTALK]

Jesse Waters: Worst trip ever.

[CROSSTALK]

Juan Williams: I see. All right. All right. This time of year, Santa has so many helpers. Just ask eighty-four-year old Bernice Weems of New Mexico. She tried to place a call, folks. She was trying to get the medical supply store, but she dialed the wrong number. Look at this.

[BEGIN VIDEO CLIP]

Bernice Weems Now, I was wondering if you had a tall walker for a five-foot person.

[END VIDEO CLIP]

Juan Williams: Yep, the call went, instead of to the medical supply store, to the district attorney's office in Albuquerque. One of the lawyers there, Kyle Hartsock, got the message. Now, instead of just deleting the message, Kyle went out and bought the walker for Mrs. Weems.

Dana Perino: Aw, that's so nice.

Juan Williams: Here are Kyle and his team all chipping in and doing Santa's express delivery to Mrs. Weems. Mrs. Weems said it made her feel so good. This happy story to me, is just one more reminder that Santa is real. His spirit's alive and pulsing in so many hearts this Christmas season.

Greg Gutfeld: They made her pay for, you know. Because they're lawyers.

Juan Williams: Oh, okay.

Jesse Waters: All right. The other day, the New York Police Athletic League honored a woman of the Year, Suzanne Scott, the CEO of Fox News Channel. And there are -- Juan and I, and some of the other hosts were there and had a great time over at the pier. All right now --

Dana Perino: Now, was that the event where you ditched Juan? [laughter]

Juan Williams: Why'd you have to bring it up?

[CROSSTALK]

Jesse Waters: Well, speaking of Juan, do you remember we showed you Juan's old picture that we scrounged up the other day? Well, some other people have been sending me some old photos of some other people on the set after we did -- so, you know, we got some submissions. Can we get a closer look at this person right there? Greg Gutfeld. Well, there he is!

Greg Gutfeld: I look like the coolest drug dealer. Because I was.

Jesse Waters: 1981, Junipero High School in San Mateo. Look at the hair. Look at the face. Look at the eyes.

Greg Gutfeld: How did you get that? Wow.

Jesse Waters: Looking good, Greg. Also looking good, Watters' World, 8:00 p.m. Eastern Saturday. We have Nancy Grace on Jeffrey Epstein and Bill Clinton's connection. She's livid. [CROSSTALK] Dana?

Dana Perino: Okay, so just real quickly, you know, it's been a long week. Woah, it's been a long week. Look at Bailey, the Beagle, and his mom, Wendy, dancing in Naples, Florida.

This is a beagle that follows her lead. We should all have a dance partner like that.

Jesse Waters: How cool.

Greg Gutfeld: Nice moves.

Dana Perino: They are dancing to "Run Away" by Sebastian Yatra.

Greg Gutfeld: Yatra. It's like [inaudible]'s cousin. Dagen?

Dagen McDowell: Greg, you big grump bucket, this is for you. Some cows dressed up in Christmas sweaters. We had to go all the way to off the coast of France somewhere in the English Channel. This owner runs a dairy farm. Carol, Holly, Mary, Noel and Mariah Dairy, all dressed to impress --

Greg Gutfeld: That's utterly beautiful. A-moo-sing. [laughter] Why are you laughing? It wasn't that funny.

Dana Perino: Yes, it was.

Jesse Waters: We're just punch drunk.

Greg Gutfeld: Where did you get that picture?

Jesse Waters: I told you, a viewer sent it in. We have a lot more where that came from. I'll see you back here on Monday, everybody. Have a great weekend.

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