This is a rush transcript from "The Five," May 20, 2020. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Hello, everybody. I am Jesse Watters, along with Dana Perino, Greg Gutfeld, Juan Williams, and Emily Compagno. It is 5:00 in New York City, and this is THE FIVE.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: Oh, boy, what a crowd, what a crowd. And outside, we have many more people than this outside. It's incredible.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Can we finally see the return of the Trump rally? President Trump banking on a 2020 game changer to upend the race for the White House, his team looking at bringing back his signature mega rallies. The Trump campaign exploring ways to get back on the road in order to re-energize the base while Joe Biden does webcasts from his basement. Senior White House advisor, Kellyanne Conway, reacting earlier.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KELLYANNE CONWAY, SENIOR WHITE HOUSE ADVISOR: There will be rallies. I sure hope so, because people want to do that. I would just say if you're socially distancing at a rally, if you only have two out of every 10 seats filled at a Trump rally looked more like a Biden or a Clinton rally.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: President Trump is itching to get back in front of voters. But will Sleepy Joe ever emerge from his basement? Biden's campaign saying it could be a while.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: We are going to go out on the campaign trail when it is safe to do so. We are going to listen to science. And we encourage the White House to do the same. We are waging an aggressive virtual campaign, and we are out and about.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: All right. So obviously, you want to be safe, be hygienic and all that. So Greg, if the president -- I mean, if he doesn't have to go to Detroit. I mean, he could go to count a county in Michigan that has, like, a dozen cases of Coronavirus. He could do it outside in front a group of people with some distancing. And it could bring a lot of money to small businesses in that area. I mean, this is doable, don't you think?
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I think it's doable. I just can't wait to see how the media anticipates it. They are going to assume he's going to pack everybody in like sardines and play spin the bottle on a lubricated twister mat. You know, it's going to be completely crazy. But obviously -- I mean, I think he and his staff know better, right?
They're going to follow every protocol. And they are going to make sure everything is done correctly, because there's going to be no wiggle room. If somebody sneezes on TV, the whole world's going to cave in on them. So they are going to have to do it right. But I was just thinking about (Inaudible) imagine if a Republican was doing what Joe Biden was doing.
I love what you said that they were out and about. That was cute. You realize that like the media is letting Biden do this that they would never do this with anybody else. I mean, the guy is -- he's in decline. He's chained to a radiator. He's talking like he's reading bad fortune cookies. And the media continues to handle him with kid gloves.
They handle Trump with boxing gloves, with spikes on the end of them. But when it comes to Biden, it's like everything pans out. But just flip it in your head, and imagine if a Republicans was running and just staying in a room, how much fun they would be having with that, because we're having fun with this.
WATTERS: Yeah. I mean, Juan, you have to admit there is a little bit of a double standard. But could you see a problem, though, if the president wanted to say let's just go to North Carolina? You don't have to go Raleigh, Durham. You know, you could go to a smaller county way out there with small amounts of cases. And the Democratic governor of North Carolina said no.
You can't come, Mr. President. The citizens of this country are not allowed to see their president. That could be a big problem, don't you think?
JUAN WILLIAMS, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: I don't think that's going to happen. I don't think anybody would tell him he can't come. I think the bigger issue here is the Trump campaign is hitting the panic button. It looks like they are running out of bullets. It looks like they're thinking, gee, what can we do to somehow get things back in order? At the moment, you think about what they have done in recent days, Jesse. And you say, well, gosh.
The briefings, you know, on the Coronavirus, that didn't help President Trump, did it? And then last week, there was a Rasmussen Poll that said, like, 20 percent of Republicans think their should -- the party should have a nominee other than Trump. And then yesterday, it goes up to The Hill because Senate Republicans are now afraid that he's going to sink them.
And, you know, the Senate -- the Republican Senatorial Committee put out a memo that said don't defend Trump to Republicans who are up for re- election. So Trump right now, I think he is looking for something to just try to keep his base in line much less reach out to other voters. The polls just don't look good for him right now.
WATTERS: Well, he's us in all time high approval in several polls, Juan. So I don't know what you're looking at. And if panicking means actually campaigning for president, then Joe Biden is not panicking at all. Dana, what about the conventions, could you see a convention happening for Joe Biden or not?
DANA PERINO, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Well, I don't know. I think that that will be interesting. I sort of feel, like, in Karl Rove's column a couple he weeks ago. He wrote we might not need that kind of a traditional convention anymore anyway. And I do think that there's creativity, especially on the Trump side. But Republicans' side, they got a lot of resources.
Could they figure out a way to do a national convention, which is actually more held on television rather than all the meetings and the get-togethers? The Republican national committee said last week. They plan to have a convention and they're going to in a way that will I respect social distancing and maybe they'll be a fewer people at certain events.
So I think there's some creativity. But I would also like to say I don't think that the Trump campaign has any trouble with the base. I feel like the base is super energized. They know the base is going to turn out. They have been going to the battleground states for four years. They have all of that information from Get Out the Vote. I don't think that they have a problem with the base.
I know that the president would like to get out there and campaign. This is super high stakes. I don't think that they have to worry about Trump voters turning out the vote. I think they have to figure out a way to maybe suppress people coming out for Biden in some of those states -- it's going to be very close. But I think the president's base seems pretty secure.
(CROSSTALK)
WILLIAMS: -- Dana, that's not good. That's not good. Suppressed American voters --
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: As I say, as the word suppress came out of my mouth, I thought, oh, he's going to think that I'm suggesting that we should find a way to make sure that Biden people can't get to the polls. That's not what I meant. I meant to depress the vote, not suppress. So please forgive me. And don't write nasty things to me because that's not what I meant.
(CROSSTALK)
WATTERS: Right. Emily Compagno, what do you think about all this mess?
EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS ANCHOR: Dana, we knew what you meant, no worries at all. I think that the rallies would be really important for Trump actually for a few reasons. So first of all, it shows momentum. And it's that horse race coverage that everyone talks about. And that's really important in those months leading up to the election.
And to the point about undecideds, though, they like to vote for a winner. And the media coverage is shaped in part by the rally coverage. And those numbers of how many people were in attendance and how long the lines were, all of that, that's the momentum that leads to that coverage that indicates that someone is a winner. And I also think that the rallies enable the president and his campaign to cite specific economic data points.
To say in this city, there was this surge in restaurant customers, this uptick in commerce. You know, and really lead and dovetail in with that surge in the economy that Americans are so desperately looking for. And also, I think that fundamentally, it's the largest indicator that the messaging of this campaign is that they are not hobbled by fear that they can participate in robust elements of the economy and society while being safe and while being free.
WATTERS: Well said. I agree with everything. All right, Obama officials scrambling after a newly declassified email from Susan Rice raises new questions on what they were up to with the Russia hoax.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: Obama era officials facing new scrutiny over a newly declassified email from Susan Rice. Fox News is learning the former national security advisor sent it to herself just hours before President Trump's inauguration because the White House counsel instructed her to do so. The email details how former FBI, director Jim Comey, suggested that former President Obama not share sensitive information relating to Russia with incoming national security advisor, Michael Flynn. And Rice is being criticized over a resurfaced 2017 interview where she said this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: I know nothing about this. I was surprised to see reports from Chairman Nunes on that account today. He said that whatever he was referring to was legal, lawful surveillance, and that it was potentially incidental collection.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Juan, what do you make of that, because I don't imagine that Susan Rice didn't remember writing that email to herself on the last day of the White House?
WILLIAMS: Right. I think the point that she was trying to make is that she knew nothing about any investigation, a criminal probe, which is what it says in the memo, Dana. But, you know, I think that at the moment what we are up against is that people are trying to look for something here, you know, to try and -- I think get us all caught up in a hall of mirrors and conspiracy theories.
Even President Trump can't say what President Obama or anyone did wrong. So, you know, to me, it's like, you know, remember the Hillary Clinton emails. We went down that -- and it turns out Hillary Clinton did nothing wrong. But here, it is politically powerful. And I think that's why we see Republicans on The Hill trying to help the president.
They've subpoenaed people now. They have subpoena powers. They will subpoena people. There will be testimony. But the reality is when you get down to it, what is it that this is about -- I think it's a big flat nothing. That's what it is.
PERINO: OK. Jesse, why don't you take that, because the hall of mirrors I know got your attention?
WATTERS: If you could just take what Juan said and just replace it with everything the right said for the last three years, you would have the defense of Donald Trump that this was nothing, that this was a conspiracy, and then it was all politics. And Juan's right, except he got party's wrong. I mean, Susan Rice, I almost feel sorry for her because she's always left holding the bag, right?
Remember Susan Rice was sent out, said explain Benghazi was just about a video protest. Like, here, Hillary, Hillary, send out Rice to lie to America, and then what does she do? She gets caught in another lie, because she was on TV calling Trump a traitor for three years. And then you find the transcripts under oath and she said she saw no evidence of collusion.
And now, she's caught in a third lie. And she says I knew nothing about Michael Flynn. Because Dana, whenever I do something by the book, I always wait a month later and then write myself an email reminding me how by the book I did that thing.
PERINO: That's good. It's good. To file that under by the book, and by the book, Greg, we also we want people to buy your book. But we also want to talk about this.
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: See what I did there?
(CROSSTALK)
PERINO: Greg, the Democrats say that this is just for President Trump to distract from the Coronavirus. But wasn't the impeachment a distraction from the Coronavirus?
GUTFELD: Yeah, exactly. In fact, the distraction argument is merely just a distraction from the distraction from the distraction from the distraction. That's a hall of mirrors that we've been living in for three years. I love the people that have been predicting this bombshell every night on other networks, the tick, tick, boom crowd. Now, it's blown up their face.
You turn over a rock. You find another ugly bug. It is the most unfair coverage in history. You had MSNBC and CNN covering, in their minds, the greatest crime in this century. And then they find out just like in a horror film, the call was coming from inside the house. It's a frame job. It's an inside job. And so they have to pretend that the three years of hall of mirrors never, never happened.
So the government framed a guy, tried to ruin his life, and certain journalists, journalists, don't care. But I will say this. I got give kudos to some lefties, some progressives, Jimmy Dore, Glenn Greenwald, Matiag Mataibi (ph). These guys are 100 percent progressive, as lefties you can get. And they're amazing work of on behalf of showing what this charade is.
And I feel bad about the things that I've said about Mataibi and Glenn Greenwald for the last 20 years because I completely misjudged them. Because they don't work on an ideology, they see for what this is. And they're not embracing a team. They are embracing the truth, so hats off to you, guys.
PERINO: Interesting. Victor David Hanson -- Victor David Hanson wrote a piece for the American Conservative, talking about how it used to be the left that would get outraged about government overreach like this. Emily, I do want to ask you about this. There was breaking news this afternoon that the Supreme Court has denied House Democrats' request, for now, on the documents from the Mueller investigation.
The House Democrats have been asking for this for over a year. Supreme Court says no, not right now. You got to come and try to brief us by June 1st, but it doesn't sound like they are inclined to turn over this material. What do you think>
COMPAGNO: Yeah. That's a strong victory for this administration. I'd like to weigh in actually on, if I may, on Susan Rice and that meeting. If that email is to be believed, this email that was memorializing a meeting at the White House that took place weeks earlier, then the head of the FBI was concerned about a potential Russian asset or sharing of classified information based on an uptick of communications frequency.
Not based on content, not based on probable cause, classified information was being shared, not even based on reasonable belief. Do you realize how low of a standard that is, and why all Americans should be concerned if that is the standard? And keep in mind that, at the time of that meeting, the U.K. embassy had sent a letter to that intelligence community and the incoming NSA, General Flynn himself, talking about the predicate that there was none.
The dossier was unverified, that Christopher Steele had zero credibility. And yet, everyone sat in that room, and for some reason continued the investigation by Peter Strzok. It was leaked to the media to ensure that it would continue going. And if there were true concerns by the intelligence community, that the incoming NSA was somehow compromised, why wasn't the president of the United States briefed?
There are a lot more questions. But I implore everyone take away the names if you are political, and question is this is OK.
WATTERS: And Emily, the reason there was an uptick is only one reason, because of Donald Trump was elected. So you had a transition, and he was supposed to talk to his counterpart.
COMPAGNO: Exactly.
PERINO: All right, the train is calling my name. I got to run. I got to tease this sucker. Ahead, more Americans are reporting being happier than before even while the pandemic is going. Greg has a theory. He will explain why, next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: As states begin to reopen, Americans are reporting being happier than before. According to Gallup, 72 percent reported feeling happiness during a lot of the day yesterday, a five point increase from a month prior. They also found a 12 decrease in worry. Now, this might be the first time you heard this, though the findings are two days old.
If news won't match the media's grim assumptions, then why bother covering it, which shows you a difference that's more glaring everyday. We are inherently an optimistic country, in contrast to the media's merchants. We often believe we are less greedy, less sexist, less racist than this over- class of academics, bureaucrats, and press say we are.
We bristle at the negativity and arrogance and challenge those who tell us that we can't work while they can. We prefer risk management over emotion. We know aren't perfect and we will face some new ground ahead. But we believe we are up to the challenge and willing to weigh the benefits with the risks. We think critically about the future, avoiding the finger- pointing glued to the past.
Thirty five million people are out of work, but they're not out of spirit. That's because as the poll shows, Americans are optimistic about what we can handle. We know big things are ahead. We can feel it. But in returning to work, Americans know we can act responsibly and respectfully and keep each other safe. Remember, America isn't just a nationality, it's an idea.
The people who came here had to be made of tough stuff. And we are still making that tough stuff, it's you. You know, Dana, as you know, I love to quote philosophers. And I would love to quote Leanne Hainsby (ph) who said inhale confidence, exhale doubt. Isn't that what Americans do? We inhale confidence. We exhale doubt.
PERINO: Yes. And I believe that Alex Tucson (ph) has taken Leanne's quote and populated it through the masses. And I love hearing that.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I have a theory as well on this. I totally agree on the optimism. I remember when I lived in Britain. I would ask my husband, like, why does everybody here feel like it's such a glass half empty country? And I long to get back to America, and he noticed it, too. It's like we're here. Like, we're optimist -- we can do this. We like a challenge. We can do it.
But I also think another reason you see those numbers go up is that one of the things that's happen for many people, not all, I know this is not a blanket statement, but for many people. They all of a sudden, had all this time with their family. And they have to have dinners together and they're doing puzzles together. And like, oh, this is what I was missing. This is what I needed in my life.
I wanted more -- I always said I wanted more time with my family, and then all of a sudden, you had to have it. And I think it has made people realize that family time is really important.
GUTFELD: Good point. You know, Juan, I think that America gets made fun of for being what Dana described, being happy and being optimistic. We are kind of like the -- we're like the big happy dog of countries. You know, we are always excited. Our tail is always wagging.
WILLIAMS: Yeah. Well, I think that's great. You know, my only thought was I'm so happy that people are feeling better emotionally because there was that dip. And I'm glad to hear now that, you know, people are bucking up. You know, as you just described, the big happy dog. I mean, the reality is we still have to be concerned about the economy, as Dana was pointing out.
I don't think those food lines or any illusions. I think -- and people who are in those food lines -- I think all of us as an American family want to make sure those people are OK and doing well. And not -- not put a happy face on it, it's a reality. And I think that part of that, too, is we hear from the Fed chair again and again.
It was in the headlines this morning, that we're going to have to do more to make sure that this economy gets going, that the jobs are there for people. I'm a little concerned about the fact that the President right now says he's not about extending unemployment insurance. I think we got to make sure that everybody's taken care of in this pandemic.
GUTFELD: Emily, America is not as fragile as people think -- the media thinks. The people know we're not fragile, it's the media that thinks we are.
COMPAGNO: That's exactly right, Greg. And I think part of what, in my opinion, is leading to this poll in this happiness, the uptick, is the removal of those forced stressors like commutes and traffic and long lines and interacting with the public.
Like, I remember in your intro when you said, why bother. It triggered this memory for me. I remember being in line at a coffee shop one time before work. A long line, I was late, I was on my way to court, and some guy in front of me ordered hot chocolate. And I became like, enraged. I was like - - I mean, I'd say this, but in my head, I was like, why are you taking up space in this line during rush hour for a hot -- like I was so mad.
And that's the kind of thing that I think has been removed, right? Like, simplicity and back to the fundamentals. And to Dana's point, now we are at home, we're enjoying our front porch. We're probably talking on the phone a lot more to loved ones. Of course, the flip side is missing family we're not in quarantine with.
And final point, I think the happiness also is maybe that giddiness of like last day of school in the summer, we can finally get back to work because it's us that is being taken care of, Juan. It's not the government that has to take care of us. It's us being allowed to go back to work that provides that real bailout.
GUTFELD: You know, Jesse --
WILLIAMS: Well, I think you have to take care of us in terms of the sickness though, don't you think?
GUTFELD: Well, yes.
WILLIAMS: To help get this thing -- get us past this virus to get the economy back in the place where we can get back to work.
GUTFELD: You're never going to get past this virus, but Jesse, I think what Emily was talking about, there's a weird, strong anticipation about what's going to happen next, which is like a combination of hard work, innovation, creativity. The world's going to change for the better, hopefully.
WATTERS: You know, people come to me, Greg, seeking happiness. And I'm always an open book because I have the key to happiness.
GUTFELD: Really?
WATTERS: One of those keys, Greg, and you know this better than anybody, is looking forward to something. Having something specific to look forward to, whether it's a vacation, whether it's a date, whether it's dinner, when it's something that you've planned, that's great.
Now, when we were in this lockdown mess, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. We had nothing to look forward to. And now that we're starting to come out of it, people are looking at the beach, they're looking at going out to dinner, they're looking at traveling. People love that. I just, you know, I'm never going to order a hot chocolate in front of Emily. That was a terrifying story. I didn't know she was a rage-holic.
COMPAGNO: Not when I need caffeine. Get out of my way.
GUTFELD: You know, when this is all over, the pandemic is over, I would just like to spend some time alone. That's all. All right, while millions are unemployed, politicians from some strict locked down states apparently aren't sacrificing much. We'll explain next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WILLIAMS: Welcome back. Some states and cities being accused of having misplaced priorities during the pandemic. California is facing backlash for offering $500 in coronavirus aid to undocumented immigrants.
Meanwhile, the Justice Department is warning California about its restrictions on church service. And politicians in some of the strictest lockdown states like New York, New Jersey, they're facing criticism. While millions of Americans are unemployed, the leaders there are apparently still getting their full salaries. Dana, should the governor be getting a full salary right now?
PERINO: You know, I will leave it up to them. I think that there's going to be a lot of sacrifices that have to be made. Many of these states have not yet made tough decisions. They've made threats about the possible need in the future to lay off teachers, police officers, firefighters.
It's pretty interesting to me, though. Whenever Governor's threatened, that they're going to have to lay people off, it's always those people. It's never like bureaucrats or people that would maybe seem non-essential. They always just want to cut the essential people first, which is the threat which helps them get federal money.
So I do think that if they have to take measures where they're going to lay off essential people, that then governors would probably have to really think about their own salary as well.
WILLIAMS: Greg, I want you to take a look at a piece of tape with me. This is Florida's governor Ron DeSantis going off on some reporters who had been critical of him for not early, you know, in position of lockdown standards.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GOV. RON DESANTIS (R-FL): You got a lot of people in your profession who wax poetically for weeks and weeks about how Florida was going to be just like New York. Wait two weeks, Florida is going to be next, just like Italy. Wait two weeks? Well, hell, we're eight weeks away from that and it hasn't happened.
Not only do we have a lower death rate -- well, we have way lower deaths generally, we have a lower death rate than the Acela Corridor, D.C., everyone up there. We have a lower rate death rate than the Midwest.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WILLIAMS: Greg, well, I mean, that's right up your alley, buddy.
GUTFELD: Well, I think that's right up America's alley. We'll be right back. But I'm telling you, that maybe Trump is contagious because man, that guy went full Trump and he deserved every moment to say what he had to say because the media held him accountable for things he didn't do.
And meanwhile, didn't hold other people accountable for things they did. They didn't hold China accountable. They didn't held those responsible for the rest home scandals accountable. They turned Andrew Cuomo into a saint while totally vilifying this guy, so I love it.
And everybody should go on Twitter. I retweeted that. Watch that tape. It's amazing. That dude is going to be running for president because he deserves to. 2024 maybe, after Trump.
WILLIAMS: Hey, Jesse, I think -- I think a lot of the governors, local leaders, oftentimes it's like, are you doing too much, you're doing too little, so it's a rock in a hard place. But in your jurisdiction right now, there's a fight between the mayor of New York Bill de Blasio and the Long Island County executive because De Blasio has closed the beaches in New York, telling people to go elsewhere, and the Long Island County Executive saying wait a second, don't send those people out here. Where does Jesse go? What does he think about this?
WATTERS: Jesse goes for a swim Juan, you know that. You remember that Boston Tea Party, and that's not an age crack. I'm just saying remember the Boston Tea Party. They should do that out in Long Island. They should call it like the Long Island swim because there's no way you're going to stop 10,000 people that want to go in to surf.
And I just love to see De Blasio try to stop people trying to get a tan. It's not happening especially on the south shore of Long Island when it gets up to about 75 degrees, Juan. Now, when there's a crisis, you know, people's true colors really shine through. For instance, people are now looking at me as the voice of reason, interestingly enough. But in other places, people are really being exposed for just being really nasty, small- minded control freaks.
Like in places like -- you know, you can go to church -- you can't go to church but you can buy weed, or like you can't hold the political rally, but you can go gambling. You know, this stuff is crazy and it's exposed people for who they are. And if California wants to give a half a billion to illegals, let them do it. But that comes out of their bank account. That shouldn't come at the federal government's bank account.
WILLIAMS: So Emily, speak to that point, if you will. I guess the defense from California is these are our neighbors. These people live in our communities. If they're going hungry, if there's desperate, it's going to impact the entire community legal and illegal.
COMPAGNO: Right. I think you know, my feelings on this are similar to dependency programs where all this does is reward a really tragic and toxic system there. So illegal immigrants are rewarded. They are being rewarded for participating in the system where they risk life and limb, usually at the hands of a cartel to come here. They're overrepresented in certain backbreaking industries where they're paid in cash and under the table.
And then according to the governor, they pay taxes. But if so, it's usually because they're participating in an already set up stolen Social Security system, to what, in the hopes of gaining citizenship? And now they're being given free cash because he's standing there on his podium with a giddies next to him, extending his sympathies toward these struggling humans with other people's money because he fails at managing a $3 trillion budget.
I think it's one more indication of toxic California which breaks my heart because I'm from there, and even worse, the toxic tragic aspect of that entire system.
WILLIAMS: All right, stay with us, folks, because it's going to be a lot of fun right now. The "FASTEST SEVEN" is up next on THE FIVE.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
COMPAGNO: Welcome back. Time for the "FASTEST SEVEN." First up, more Americans are saying goodbye to movie theaters and hello to digital rentals, due to the pandemic. With anxiety still running high over gathering in public spaces, 70 percent of people would rather watch new movies from the comfort of their living room.
Okay, Dana, of course, we get to be in sweats on the couch with our loved ones and our dogs. I feel like this is a no brainer.
PERINO: I haven't been to a movie theater since I think like 2006 maybe. Yes. I'm not saying I would never go again, but it would take a lot to get me to go to a movie theater. It's not just the fact that I love being with my dog or being more comfortable. I can't stand the noises around me from other people in a movie theater. Like, the shaking of the ice, the popcorn, the trumping of the ice, the eating, like trying to open up, like nobody can ever open up any of the candy. It drives me insane. So I haven't been in like, I don't know, a long time.
COMPAGNO: Totally. There's a million annoying things about a movie theater, right, Greg?
GUTFELD: Well, the real reason Dana isn't going to movie theater is she has a hard time holding the seat down. But here's the deal.
PERINO: It's true. I have to use my mom's purse.
GUTFELD: Yes. Now the big -- you know what the funny thing is? Movies -- people just don't like long things anymore. Two hours, three hours, there's not enough dopamine in it. Think about when you watch THE FIVE, right? THE FIVE has six segments with five people. That guarantees 30 dopamine hits an hour, right?
Somebody says something, you go woo. Somebody said -- Juan said something, you go, ahh. And then you know, Emily says, blah, blah. So you get -- you get these dopamine hits. But in movie theaters, you don't get dopamine hits anymore. You sit there and your butt goes numb.
COMPAGNO: And Jesse, there's like a million previews, right? So it's extended by like, another hour or two.
WATTERS: Yes, I always show up late anyway, so I missed the previews. But a lot of germs in the theater, especially the background, if you know what I mean. They have to bring back the drive-in theaters after this pandemic, right. You just drive in, it's outside. People skate by on roller skates and serve your drinks. That's how they should do it.
PERINO: I like that.
COMPAGNO: Right. Juan, what about you? Would you go to a drive-in?
WILLIAMS: Boy, that's been a long talk now. I don't know. I mean, we have to go back to my Revolutionary War days for that one. I think people, you know, are pretty happy to sit at home and watch a movie, but I do think that you know what, movie theaters or businesses and it's -- in the summertime as the summer approaches, I can remember some fun nights at the movies, you know, family, friends, just, you know, popcorn and cokes and lots of laughs. So --
GUTFELD: The back row.
WILLIAMS: It's Americana, and I think some of that will be -- will be lost, but also the business. I don't like the loss of the business.
COMPAGNO: All right, next up, move over cute dogs' pictures. Single Americans are reportedly boasting about their COVID-19 antibody test results in their dating app profiles. Some even calling it a badge of honor to win over prospective dates. Greg, I'll start with you.
GUTFELD: You know, this had me -- this blew my mind, not about this. But I was -- I was -- don't tell me it's quick, OK. They're yelling at my ear as if that's going to help you. Now, I'm going to talk a long time because I have an actually a really important thing to say.
What if masks become a permanent part of your wardrobe? Did we just invent a new step in romantic activity, meaning your mask because it's -- because when you remove your mask, will it become as intimate as removing another article of clothing? Over 20 or 30 or 40 years from now, taking off your mask could be like stripping. So a woman smile or a man smile becomes titillating. erotic even. I think that's going to happen.
PERINO: Wow.
WATTERS: Quick.
GUTFELD: Yes. Thank you. Mind blown.
COMPAGNO: Jesse, save us. Someone save us.
WATTERS: You don't -- you don't want me to save you, Emily. I would just say like, I'm so glad that these dating apps weren't around when I was coming up and I was single. Like, they would have seen me working for Fox News. They would have just kidnapped me and throw me in a lake. I would have not survived the dating app world.
GUTFELD: True.
COMPAGNO: Juan, what are your thoughts on the desirability of somebody with antibodies?
WILLIAMS: I guess that would be good. I'm not -- I'm not sure. Maybe you just want somebody who's never been sick, didn't have it. And I think that's what you're doing. You're hearing from people who are nervous canoodlers, you know. They're like, hey, wait a second. Don't -- you better tell me what have you had and what haven't you had. It's no longer any other kind of transmitted illness. It's now the virus. Well, it's a different time, a different world.
WATTERS: Juan is not a nervous canoodler.
COMPAGNO: All right, Dana, I saved you for last to end us on reason and logic.
PERINO: Well, I don't know if this is going to work because when I saw this like -- so would you want to date somebody who says that they are pro- antibody, because you would want them to be more pro-body if you are going to date them. So that's what I would say.
GUTFELD: Rod Stewart, do you want my antibody? It's no longer, do you want my body, it's do you want my anti-body.
COMPAGNO: OK, all right, "ONE MORE THING" is up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
WATTERS: It's time now for "ONE MORE THING." Jesse's Hair News, let's see it. You love it, you want it, you need it. Look at that wave. That's right. All right, so this little four-year-old named Jason, he's saying what everyone's thinking. Watch.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: My hair is really long and I don't like it this way. I need a haircut. Can you get me a haircut and squeeze me in?
WATTERS: Squeeze me in, people. We need -- Gravina. Squeeze me in. You got a lot of work cut out for you when we get back. All right, Dana Perino is next.
PERINO: All right, I got to show you. This is super cute video. Linnea Bents, she took matters into her own hands. She missed her mom. Her mom is at a nursing home. Check out how she got there to give her mom a hug.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Mom?
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh, my God. This is so wonderful.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Come here. Let me hug you. I get to hug you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: All right, so this nursing home called the Fox Trail Senior Living Home, they're allowing families to get close and hug their mom or their dad because they miss them so much. You wear an inflatable suit. This one was a big hippopotamus. They spray them down with disinfectant and then you're able to get your arms around your loved one, which I thought was so sweet.
COMPAGNO: That's sweet.
WATTERS: I think that's a great idea. They should try that at the Trump rallies. Everybody just wears a disinfectant inflatable hippopotamus. It solves the problem. Greg?
GUTFELD: All right, I'm sure you've wondered, who's smarter, a cat or a dog. Let's roll this tape and I'll show you how crappy this little kitten is in dealing with a dog who won't leave her alone.
COMPAGNO: Oh my gosh.
GUTFELD: And then what does she do? She gets him in there. And then what does she do? It could be he, actually. He just locks him in there and he can't get out. Anyway, that's an allegory or something.
WATTERS: It's like what Jim Comey did to Flynn, you know, a little trap. Walls work, don't they, Juan. Yes, they do.
WILLIAMS: I'm going to -- I'm going to try to be very quick. Do you love funhouses? Do you love carnivals? Well, take a look at this video from England. Yes, this guy brought the fun to his own house.
That's England's Joe Condor. He decided to fill the house with 250,000 plastic balls. The family is sheltering in place. He can't take the daughters out. So, guess what, he just said, let's have some fun right here at home.
PERINO: Wow. Hold that.
GUTFELD: That took a lot of balls.
WATTERS: All right. So, it's (INAUDIBLE). All right. Set your DVRs, never miss an episode of THE FIVE. "SPECIAL REPORT" is up next. Hey, Bret.
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